Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

An almost top 10,000 blog!

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

… among the most cringeworthy communications in the history of the alphabet!

DeSantis transforms Florida into 1930s Germany with gators and theme parks.

We still have time to mess this up!

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

This blog will pay for itself.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Bark louder, little dog.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

We’ll be taking my thoughts and prayers to the ballot box.

Consistently wrong since 2002

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

Ah, the different things are different argument.

“Why isn’t this Snickers bar only a nickle?”

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

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Reader Interactions

61Comments

  4. 4.

    Alex Castillo

    longtime reader, first time commentator,

    I use PCs at work and Macs at home. I “beat up” my Macs a lot more than my work PCs but have found the PCs are much more prone to crashes, freezes (BSOD) and software and hardware compatibility issues. Macs just work. Trade your PC in for an iMac 24″ and wang chung tonight !

  5. 5.

    His Grace

    Rebooting is a good idea. If that fails, try plugging the earphones into the speaker jack and listening. If there’s sound, then it’s a speaker issue. If not, then check to see if the volume is set low. Go to Control Panel, sound and select your speakers. Right click, select properties, go to the level tab and make sure the playback volume is up at 100%.

  7. 7.

    Keith

    Here is what you’re missing “CONGRATULATIONS! You have been selected to receive a free Apple iPod!”

  8. 8.

    Billy K

    ] Monkey Boy to Balloon juice, Monkey Boy to Balloon Juice. Come in Balloon Juice.

    ] Vista is not that bad. Repeat, Vista is NOT THAT BAD. You’re just doing it wrong. Over.

    ] Vista Command Center has authorized Operation Mojave, in 3….2…..1…..

    ] Seriously, it’s not our fault.

  9. 9.

    Bob In Pacifica

    I haven’t been able to play DVDs on my laptop since soon after I got it. My best guess is some program that ran out after thirty days is mucking up the works. But the laptop is pre-Vista. Had my Vista problems on the desktop. I’ve been sticking with Windows because I’ve been using Cakewalk for my music, but I’m ready to move to Macs in a few years. I look across the room to Girlfriend blissfully computing on her iMac and I know my future.

  25. 25.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    And now, for no reason whatsoever, I have no sound.

    The devices are enabled, everything is plugged in, nothing is muted, the speakers are on and running, yet I have no sound unless I plug in earphones. I have done nothing different.

    OMG! John Cole just played the sound card, and he played it from the bottom of the deck.

  26. 26.

    Don McArthur

    In all seriousness, that ‘operating system’ is actually an enforcement arm for the RIAA and the MPAA. All uses of audio, video and copying is first run through some remarkably complex algorithms to try to guess if you’re doing something verbotten by Mircosoft’s media partners. That is the source of all the reported Vista woes.

    Simply put – it’s not your computer, it’s theirs. So get used to it, or do something about it.

  27. 27.

    wvng

    Vista detected that your delicate little eardrums are too sensitive to receive the sound you want to play. Vista is protecting you. Vista is your friend.

    Another possibility – do you use McAfee? My daughter had it on her laptop, her sound at some point stopped working. I removed McAfee (for a number of other very good reasons) and, lo, here was her sound back good as new.

  28. 28.

    mcsey

    Very nice J.A.F. You win the thread.

    I seem to recall you writing that this was a laptop John. Did you accidentally hit some sort of laptop specific FN+Mute key sequence? That doesn’t make sense considering the headphones work though. Plug an ipod/portable CD player into the speakers to make sure they work. Why am I trying to give tech support over a blog? I lose at life.

  30. 30.

    HeartlandLiberal

    Have you checked the Vista Dilithium Crystals??

    Have you researched whether or not your purchase had the option to revert to XP.

  31. 31.

    Krista

    Hey, when you ask for free tech support from a bunch of miscreants, are you really surprised at the answers you get?

  32. 32.

    The Moar You Know

    Let’s try this:

    Double-click on your speaker icon. You should get the volume control slider. Click on “mixer” at the bottom of that slider and you should see at least two sliders – one for “speakers” and one for Windows sounds.

    Make sure none of them are muted (little red object to the side).

    If this is a laptop, you may well have turned down the speaker control without turning down the headphone control – I’ve got one that can do this. Check that as well.

  33. 33.

    Martin

    Yep, as I suspected, you got Vista just to have something to rant about. Maybe Hillary should have won after all – you’d at least have a decent computer now.

    And…

    OMG! John Cole just played the sound card, and he played it from the bottom of the deck.

    Is all win.

  34. 34.

    Luke

    My only experience with Vista was in setting up a friend’s Media Centre PC. It had audio issues that were solved by installing the K-Lite Codec Pack.

  36. 36.

    The Chuckles Arbusto Entertainment™

    But even Salter sometimes has to guess what McCain might be thinking, particularly on sensitive subjects. “Things go on inside McCain’s head that rarely or never come out,” Salter explained.

    Hunh???

  38. 38.

    Martin

    In all seriousness, that ‘operating system’ is actually an enforcement arm for the RIAA and the MPAA. All uses of audio, video and copying is first run through some remarkably complex algorithms to try to guess if you’re doing something verbotten by Mircosoft’s media partners.

    Good point.

    John, did the Oceania RIAA wage garnishment go through yet, because you might not yet be entitled to listen to anything.

  40. 40.

    The Moar You Know

    In all seriousness, that ‘operating system’ is actually an enforcement arm for the RIAA and the MPAA. All uses of audio, video and copying is first run through some remarkably complex algorithms to try to guess if you’re doing something verbotten by Mircosoft’s media partners.

    And it can only do it for WMA and AAC files; so far as I know, there’s no way to DRM mp3 files. I’ve got A LOT of questionable material on my Vista laptop, and it never once has failed to play it.

  41. 41.

    eglenn

    I had a lot of trouble with a Bluetooth headset and VIsta and seem to remember that changing the default output device (blue check thing) made a difference.

    ACTUAL TECH SUPPORT follows:

    1) What type of headset are you using? USB, Bluetooth, regular audio plug on front of the machine?

    2) Where are the speakers plugged? On some computers with 5.1 sound, the jack is not the one you expect it to be (my son’s Dell takes the middle)

    3) Has it ever worked or was it non-functional after your updates?

  42. 42.

    John H. Farr

    You won’t like to hear this, but dude, you shoulda got another Mac. They run Windows faster than PCs now, too.

    Just. Get. A. Mac.

    They just work. I’ve been using nothing else for 24 years.

  43. 43.

    eglenn

    Sorry if this seems too ‘beginner’, but I did this stuff for 13 years and making assumptions is Mistake #1.

    My favorite exchange was doing phone support.

    User: I can’t get my printer to work
    Me: What kind of printer is it?
    User: …. beige.

  44. 44.

    Davebo

    What? No 14 year olds in your neighborhood?

    Seriously John, Vista certainly has it’s faults, but at this point it’s starting to look like John Cole could fuck up a steel ball!

  45. 45.

    Frank

    When this has happened on my XP box, I’ve checked control panel–>sound. Turns out my son had changed to output device from the speaker to the USB AIM phone.

    Twice.

    The third time, not only had he done that, but the external speakers (this is a desktop box) had also died.

    Sorry, don’t–and won’t–use Vista. Slackware rocks.

  46. 46.

    ArchPundit

    Don’t get angry, John, but did you plug in the speakers?

    Not being a smartass, but I sold stereos for years and that was usually the problem. It always sucked when you were troubleshooting and you realize the only thing left is the power and you know the customer will be pissed when you ask.

    “Of course I plugged it in”

    “Okay, go check the RCA cable in back”

    Two possibilities:

    “The RCA Cable was it” Meaning it was the power

    “I’m sorry, it was the power” The person actually tells you the truth.

  47. 47.

    Billy K

    I hate you all hope you DIAF.

    I’ll seriously help you in any way possible on any Mac questions, sublime or ridiculous. But I don’t know anything about Windows, and I’m happy that way. All I can offer you for Vista is ridicule and juvenile comments.

  49. 49.

    The Moar You Know

    Sorry, don’t—and won’t—use Vista. Slackware rocks.

    Yes, Slackware does rock. But it is not for everyone, especially not noobs. I can’t think of any Linux distro that would be good for noobs, in fact, although Unbuntu and Xandros are getting pretty close.

    Vista is not the house of horrors it is cracked up to be. I’ve been using Vista Ultimate for about 6 months now, and it’s a nice, incremental improvement on XP – although for noobs I’d recommend a Mac instead, if they can get away with it in their work environment.

    And you can’t seriously be recommending Slackware for a guy who can’t even figure out how to disable the “on resume, display logon screen” without going to a bunch of the worst scum of the Interwebs for help :)

  50. 50.

    The Other Steve

    The things already mentioned are key.

    Is it muted.

    What’s your default sound device?

  51. 51.

    Joshua Norton

    This might be a little too techy, but did you install a new device that might be using the same IRQ? That’s what usually causes a perfectly good device to suddenly stop working. Problems like this are rare with newer versions of Plug and Play, but they still pop up.

  54. 54.

    Tax Analyst

    wvng Says:

    Vista detected that your delicate little eardrums are too sensitive to receive the sound you want to play. Vista is protecting you. Vista is your friend.

    Another possibility – do you use McAfee? My daughter had it on her laptop, her sound at some point stopped working. I removed McAfee (for a number of other very good reasons) and, lo, here was her sound back good as new.

    Well, I can’t help John, but it’s somewhat of a relief that someone else had trouble caused by that stupid McAfee security. I, too had to dump it. It was somehow conflicting with my MusicMatch program, so I switched to other security software…and then just decided to stay totally off-line on my home PC. Some minor inconveniences, but overall I’m not sorry.

  55. 55.

    Martin

    …and then just decided to stay totally off-line on my home PC. Some minor inconveniences…

    Um, no internet is a minor inconvenience? Jesus, you Windows people are masochists.

  56. 56.

    Gray Lensman

    My Toshiba laptop uses the up-and-down-scroll arrow keys for volume up and down. Is it that simple? I’m running Ubuntu on it but I think it’s the same. My real computer is a Mac. Get a Mac, John.

  57. 57.

    Volum

    Not once have I ever heard any of my Macintosh friends ask this question, or others like it.

    It sincerely defies all logic why people still buy these crappy ATM machines with no money inside. You’re just begging for problems.

  58. 58.

    Chuck Butcher

    Tell me this thing won’t keep asking for my addresses. I’ve had no problems with Vista Ultimate, but IE7 just decided it won’t look at any sites with videos. So, I downloaded IE8 which is seriously buggy and I can’t get rid of it since MS is sure I have IE7. So now I’m pissing around with Firefox which is about 1/2 the browser and pissing me off almost as bad as spending 4 hrs searching security settings etc trying to find out why I couldn’t view my own damned blog.

  59. 59.

    bago

    Ok, you realize the sites with videos thing is an object tag loading an active X object, usually the flash player. And flash is buggy as hell, let me tell you. As for the sound, click the little speaker thing in the lower right hand corner and see which device is the default for audio output. I can route my output through headphones, optical out, laptop speakers, or hdmi to my HDTV. Change your output to something proper and restart the process.

    And to everyone who is all “just get a mac” are relatively primitive users who only do two or three things on their computer ever. Wouldn’t know their unc name if it bit them on the ass. Mac OS was total shit until OSX, and that’s because they basically put a skin on BSD. It only took them 19 years to start using protected memory, a feature that was invented when I was 4.

    So here is what you need to know about vista. It fully supports the win32 api, except the tcp stack has been rewritten to be more secure. It also supports the .net 3.5 libraries and apis, making application development easier and memory leaks much harder. There is very strict security on everything, and your default login is not an administrator, so this means you sandbox the OS from any user spawned exploits that want to attack the OS. UAC will be annoying when you are installing your apps and setting things up, but you will appreciate it when a flash security hole bypasses code access security and it warns you. Also, sndvol.exe is amazing. You can control the audio levels for every process, so you can mute your browser while letting your music play uninterrupted.

    But the best thing is to learn how your OS actually works. Get powershell for windows or whatever command shell they have for OSX. Learn how files and process and threads and handles interact.When you know what is actually happening when you get some useless but friendly error screen, you are able to deal with the problem rather than sitting back and saying WTF?

  60. 60.

    bago

    Oh, and MacAffee anti-virus is just pure bullshit. I installed it on my parents computer and it just sat there eating 60% or her CPU.

  61. 61.

    Chuck Butcher

    I have Windows Live 1 Care, Windows Defender, and all the built ins. I’d notice IE7 updating the day before it went gunny sack. IE8 is buggy and IE7 Emulation is also. And I cannot get IE7 back now since MS is sure I have it already – ie: Vista Ultimate.

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