In the world of popular rightwing pundits like Debbie Schlussel and John Derbyshire, the only real men in America are the Unitarian liberals who tackled a bloodthirsty shotgun-wielding Hannity fan.
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Come for the politics, stay for the snark.
They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.
If marriage is the equivalent of selling yourself into slavery, women with self respect should reject the offer.
In my day, never was longer.
I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.
I’m starting to think Jesus may have made a mistake saving people with no questions asked.
Well, whatever it is, it’s better than being a Republican.
A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.
Please don’t feed the bears.
Don’t expect peaches from an apple tree.
Fight for a just cause, love your fellow man, live a good life.
Balloon Juice, where there is always someone who will say you’re doing it wrong.
The US Supreme Court is on the ballot in november.
Many life forms that would benefit from greater intelligence, sadly, do not have it.
Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.
These days, even the boring Republicans are nuts.
Fundamental belief of white supremacy: white people are presumed innocent, minorities are presumed guilty.
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”
Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.
Of course you can have champagne before noon. That’s why orange juice was invented.
The arc of the moral universe doesn’t bend itself. it’s up to us.
So many bastards, so little time.
Hi god, it’s us. Thanks a heap, you’re having a great week and it’s only Thursday!
Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?
He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.
Just Some Fuckhead
Haha.
El Cid
If you look at the reporting around about-to-be-charged but now late anthrax scientist Bruce E. Ivins and Unitarian church killer Jim D. Adkisson, we’ve had two white, reg’lar ‘murkans featuring in terrorist murderer scandal coverage (without even making any conclusions about Ivins’ guilt) each week for 2 weeks.
Had these two guys been vaguely Arab-y, Muslim-y, Iranianish, or leftist, it’s slightly possible that someone might be pointing out something or other, but obviously I’m some fringe-y weirdo. Also, had these two guys been of that sort of caliphatic variety, it would probably be being used as cause to bomb Iran, or something.
Sirkowski
DO YOU MEAN THE FAT KIND OF TINY? OH SNAP!
Seanly
Heads are spinning at the Right Wing Command Action Mountain Complex (with Kung Fu Grip!).
Andrew J. Lazarus
Post of the month. Without even seeing the rest of the month.
Chuck Butcher
Oh fer cripes sakes, American testosterone resulted in passenger jets flying into buildings because people had utility knives – box cutters. fucking gingoism
Chuck Butcher
Oh fer cripes sakes, American testosterone resulted in passenger jets flying into buildings because people had utility knives – box cutters. fucking gingoism
Martin
That’s because they were all gay liberals flying to San Francisco. Had they been going to, uh, Big Sack Texas, those a-rabs would have been roped and hog-tied before the no-smoking light went off.
Apsaras
Man, if I was in the twin towers, a couple of planes couldn’t have killed me! I would have grabbed a piece of wreckage and surfed down the collapsing building, bounce off a flagpole, and land in an exposed water-tower.
I don’t know what everyone else’s problem was.
Kevin
Right-wing talking points incoming…
Calouste
IIRC, one of the guys who confronted the hijackers on the fourth airplane was a gay Californian.
Martin
Unpossible!!!
Phil
John Cole! It’s been so long. Are you still pretending to be a “conservative” John? Or have you given that up? I wouldn’t know because I know longer care to read your site. If I want to read Democratic talking points, I can go to dnc.org . But every once in a while, I do like to see what stupid liberals think and you didn’t disappoint me John! Look at this little gem from earlier:
“Look, I know that there are people who are suffering because of high gas prices. I’m one of them, although I know that, like many of you, I can probably afford the prices more than a lot of people. My problem with this is that I think democrats should be solidly be on the side of finding alternative energy. Rising gas prices have made a difference. I’ve noticed a lot more people riding MARTA in Atlanta – a LOT more. I’d be willing to bet many of these people were like me, before I made a commitment to figuring out the system and how to make it work. Pain works.”
John, I think you should be the Messiah’s…woops I mean Barack Obama’s campaign manager. In fact, you can be the guy who tells independent voters that you were once a conservative, but then they became unreasonable and now you’ve “seen the way” and you’re a good liberal stooge now! Those independents always listen to people who switch parties! Then when that poor working class schlub that Democrats are always happy to claim they represent asks you in a town hall meeting (this is just a hypothetical of course John since the Messiah…scuse me…Barack Obama has already backed off on his promise to do town hall meetings):
“Hey John Cole! I hear you’re a Democratic guru and all around swell liberal guy who tells me I should stop voting against my economic interests. Well here’s the thing – gas prices are really starting to hurt me and my family. I can no longer afford the airfare to visit my relatives in Kansas and I don’t work in the city. Since there are no hydrogen powered planes on the horizon and the pick up truck I need for my construction gigs is not going hybrid anytime soon, maybe those otherwise evil Republicans are on to something when they say we should drill for more oil off the coasts WHILE WE TRANSITION TO OTHER FORMS OF ENERGY. They don’t seem to be all that unreasonable to me anymore. And on the subject on alternative energy, why is the ethanol you promised me would help me and my family has driven up my food costs by up to 75 percent according to something called the World Bank? I’m just a simple common working class guy who just wants common sense from Washington.”
You can say…
“Pain works”
And then maybe you can add “motherfucka!” just for some sweet Bruce-Willis in Die Hard bad ass effect.
Hey maybe that can be the Messiah’s…woops there I go again…Obama’s new campaign theme. Ditch the “Change We Can Believe In” garbage. Your new one can be, “Can’t Afford to Go Anywhere? Pain Works Mothafucka!” I think we’re on to something here John.
Gold Star for Robot Boy
Phil says a whole bunch of bullshit, the most coherent of which shows him to be blaming John for something he didn’t write.
Phil
“Phil says a whole bunch of bullshit, the most coherent of which shows him to be blaming John for something he didn’t write.”
Bullshit??? This is gold baby! Messiah’s new campaign slogan: “Can’t afford to go anywhere? Hey, pain works mothafucka!”
Ripley
100 McCain points, Phil ! Huzzah!
Enjoy your golf balls…
Phil
And what you call “bullshit”, I call the consequences of liberalism. So you’re a liberal and you wanna make an omelette eh? Well you gotta break a few eggs. Or starve a few kids in Africa.
Thanks for driving up my (and your) food prices up 75 percent! I really, really appreciate it! Hey, pain works right?
http://news.cnet.com/8301-11128_3-9984444-54.html
We could of course undo this horrific policy tomorrow, but Queen Nancy and her Court of Morons decided to adjourn for 5 weeks so she can sip mai tais in San Francisco. And we get to pay their salary while she does it!
Here, have another! Pain works mothafucka!
And you’re perplexed why the Democratic controlled Congress has a 9 percent approval rating?
….but but but Iraq! But but but Bush bad! These arguments are getting old and your liberal mantras are now approved by less than 10 percent of the population. Don’t worry though, I have the slogan for you to tell the American people: “Can’t afford to go anywhere? Hey, pain works mothafucka!”
Badtux
Yeah, ’cause they’re the only balls Phil will ever have :-).
– Badtux the Snarky Penguin
Badtux
Uhm, Phil, what’s that got to do with a church shooting in Tennessee? Do you always babble this incoherently?
Oh nevermind, I forget, don’t feed the trolls. But it’s so fun to point and laugh!
– Badtux the Laughing Penguin
drag0n
Typical bullshit from the Keyboard Kommandoes.
Meanwhile, another coaliton soldier from an unnamed country was just killed in Afghanistan. That is often a code word for a Canadian.
And these right-wing fucks wonder why no one wants to help the USA in that country.
Phil
“Typical bullshit from the Keyboard Kommandoes.”
Again, not bullshit, just the consequences of liberalism. My (and your food) prices are up 75 percent, thanks entirely to your orgasm over ETHANOL!!!!ALTERNATIVE FUELS!!!OMG!!!
Again, Congress can undo this policy tomorrow, but they won’t. Instead they’ll adjourn for five weeks. And you’ll pay their salary.
Hey, pains works mothafucka!
drag0n
link
Phil
Good gawd, I really do miss your shit sometimes John:
“It really is shameless and disgusting, and while I had seen no racial component to the Britney ad earlier, I can understand where Herbert is coming from now. I just didn’t see it before.”
How someone can claim they were a conservative at any point in their life and then claim the McCain ad that featured Britney Spears and Paris Hilton contained CLOSET RACISM! simply does not compute. Only a certified life time kool aid drinking brain dead liberal could believe such a thing. Be honest John, you were once a “conservative” but that’s because Mommy or Daddy were too right John? You just had no idea what the fuck you were talking about but you didn’t want to disappoint Mommy and Daddy, isn’t that right John?
I’m not going to bother finding out because I really don’t care, but I can’t imagine even fellow “conservative” Andrew Sullivan is dumb enough to believe Britney Spears + Barack Obama in same ad = THE RACISM.
I mean, wow, just wow. Wow. What the hell is wrong with you John?
bago
phil, I am wondering why a conservative such as yourself is so opposed to conservation?
Ash Can
Hey John, who’s your friend over there? (Poor Tim must be feeling awfully left out. This is his thread, after all.)
Seriously though, the way I see it, “conservatism” in this country stopped being about “conserving” around the time Ronald Reagan and his cohorts hijacked the Republican Party (raise your hand if you can remember Reagan failing to win the Republican nomination in 1976 because he was too much of a wingnut). Nowadays, what people refer to as conservatism in this country has degenerated into a longing for a past that never really existed in the first place, and/or an often desperate attempt to blame whatever’s going wrong in one’s life on someone — anyone — other than oneself (or, by extension, the group with which one identifies). It’s a shameful corruption of the term, let alone the philosophy, but it’s what we’re stuck with unless and until true conservatives make a comeback.
El Cid
Hey, whaddyaknow? Two fires set by incendiary devices may be directed at scientists related to animal research. It’s being described as “terrorism”. Strangely, this doesn’t seem to apply to a guy who goes into a church specifically to shoot up liberals with a letter left quoting right wing literature as much.
John H. Farr
” The only real men in America are the Unitarian liberals who tackled a bloodthirsty shotgun-wielding Hannity fan.”
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
John, this is the greatest truth you or anyone has yet expressed, much bigger than you realize, I think.
Sleeper
Reading Phil’s high-larious rants makes me wonder: are right-wing people ever funny? I mean, even accidentally? This isn’t snark, I’m serious. Are neoconservative militarism and humor just mutually exclusive? Do funny people who become right-wing lose their sense of humor immediately, or does it wither away gradually? Maybe we could call it the Dennis Miller Effect…
cleek
ooh-wee! i bet ol Daddy BBQ’s gonna leave an extra rib in Phil’s dog bowl tonight!
4tehlulz
Things I learned in this thread:
1. ADM is a liberal organization.
2. Michael D. is John Cole.
3. Fuel prices are magically controlled by the government, not market forces.
4. If a commercial doesn’t explicitly use the word “nigger”, it’s not racist.
maxbaer (not the original)
I wonder how many McCain points Phil will receive for his visit. The use of mothafucka seems at least borderline racist. Will he gain or lose points for that? And will he ever get his iced tea?
And just for old time’s sake, brave Sean taking on the Pauliacs.
maxbaer (not the original)
Tim F. is also John Cole. But we are all Spartacus.
Conservatively Liberal
Phil is full of it, as most tighty righties of his ilk are. Really, can’t they read the name that an article is posted under and see that Michael D. is NOT John Cole? Then maybe read the responses to that article to see that John DISAGREED with Michael?
Fuck, talk about all hat and no cattle. More like:
1 Big Hat + 1 Big Ass = 1 Big Asshat
I bet Phil would have McGuyver’ed them ayrabs on the planes and then landed at the White House to have pResident Chimpy shake his hand and give him a medal.
I can’t wait until President Obama gets in to office. Asshats like Phil are going to lose it when that happens.
If I were McGoo, I wouldn’t give Phil any points, I would just give him some balls. Nice white, shiny, dimpled balls. Something he is used to playing with.
Svensker
But if we are all bozos on this bus, does that mean that Sparatacus is bozo?
whocoodanode
My the “conservatives” have lots of enemies, must come with the territory of being so moral good people. Let’s do the current count of those who are blamed for the state of the world: gays, Muslims, blacks, immigrants (mostly hispanic), liberals whatever that means, journalists, academics, professors, Hollywood and environmentalists.
I call this overreaching. The first round of fascists knew to keep their enemy list more targeted.
And can I ask the question why we ever need to have “conservatives” come back again in any form? Conservative values are for personal life NOT politics.
4tehlulz
Yet, ironically, they generally do the least actual fighting.
Phil
“I can’t wait until President Obama gets in to office. Asshats like Phil are going to lose it when that happens.”
Actually, some of us don’t base our lives on who happens to hold political office (unlike liberals). And there would be a certain satisfaction to seeing Obama win, if for no other reason then it will remind people of why the word liberal became a dirty word in the first place. It’ll be a Jimmah Carta redux (newsflash: Jimmah wasn’t popular….at all)
I too can’t wait for a President Messiah, so he can join his liberal fucks in Congress with their wonderful 9 percent approval rating. Then they can all be smug and wonderful in their liberal outlook on life and attribute it all to racism when they’re all voted out the next year. Hey, pain works mothafucka!
Conservatively Liberal
Shhh! Don’t let the 101st Cheetos Munching Keyboard Kommandoes (aka Mother’s Basement Warriors) hear you. You don’t want to make them cry, would you?
Yes, the conservatives have declared just about every segment of our society as undesirable. They have distilled their base to the point that the racist and religious wackos are running the shop now and due to infighting their presidential candidate makes Bob Barr look good.
The party of Lincoln my ass. If Lincoln were alive today, the Republicans would call him a Democrat. Hell, he would probably prefer to be called a Democrat if he saw the clusterfuck that is the Republican party and what they have done not only to this country, but to the rest of the world.
jake
No, no, no Tim F. According to the fRightened Keyboardists Adkisson was a stealth liberal who attacked a bunch of Christians to make the fRiechtards look bad. Naturally the Christians kicked his weenie stealth liberal ass.
What’s that? The Christians in question supported women’s rights and welcomed gays and lesbians to their church? LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOOOOOOU!!
4tehlulz
For someone who doesn’t base their lives around who holds political office, you seem to be expending a lot of energy over Obama.
cain
LOL!
cain
Tom
Phil,
You lost any credibility when you attacked John for of being a shill for Obama citing something that A) wasn’t written by John and B) disagrees with a decision by Obama.
Phil
And on the topic of the McCain ad being racist (or rather not being racist except only to fucking moronic kool aid drinking liberals), no one’s buying it:
Just like no one’s buying your claim that we shouldn’t drill for oil.
Well I guess 9 percent of people still like you. Take heed young liberals! There will always be at least 9 percent of people always stupid enough to like you!
Hey, pain works mothafucka!
harlana pepper
It would be fun to stage (and surreptitiously film) a fake ambush with a planted ‘victim’ being held at gunpoint at the next CPAC convention, just to see how many tuff guys would actually run to the defense of the ‘hapless’ victim and how many can run and pee down their leg at the same time.
dslak
And now he’s broken the thread.
Frans
Riffing off Sleeper:
Philarious!
Conservatively Liberal
Phil is still as full of it as ever. The right knows that the only way their candidate stands a chance is to demonize Obama and try to demoralize his supporters. What Phil ain’t paying attention to is that most people would vote for a turd to be president before voting for any candidate the right puts forth, especially their candidate of choice, Mr. McGoo.
Go ahead and rant to your hearts content Phil, you won’t even make a dent here. Your party sucks so bad that Roto Rooter is about the only place you people would be welcome. But flail away to your hears content.
We do like a good laugh, and asshats like you are a dime a dozen but still good for a laugh. Not much more though.
I would suggest you learn how to embed links. Nothing worse than a blithering idiot who is not aware of all internet traditions.
Going to the convention in St. Louis Phil? Be sure to check out the Larry Craig Memorial Men’s Room Stall.
cleek
looks like the pie brigades just got another member!
John Cole
Just checking in to see if Phil has figured out yet that I am not Michael D. or Tim F.
4tehlulz
I imagine Phil would be stupid enough to got to St. Louis to attend the convention in Minneapolis.
vishnu schizt
Thanks Phil of shit, you’ve taken a thread about the other ‘terrists in this country, ie right-wing-wack fucks like yourself turned it into your own display of dumbass. But it generally expected of your ilk. Thats ilk not elk fuckhead, don’t get excited.
What we have all realized is that the reason the vast majority of you like Bush and McBBQ is the fact that they validate you. It really goes like this in your little brain:
We’ll if this dumbfuck can be president then maybe I’m not that big of a fuck up. I’m mean that asshole ain’t much smarter than me and hez the prezident. Har har, see you dumb liberalz with all you fancy educatin, ain’t worth shit.
And so it goes. So thank you asshole, you and your crowd can go vote for McBBQ so we can have the third Bush term, continue to eat our seed corn, and drive the whole goddammed thing in to the ground. And when you are old and gray, and you realize you spent the majority of your life wacking off in your mcmansion you can say shit I was duped! And you’ll make another credit card payment on that taco bell burrito you bought 20 years ago.
Cheers
toujoursdan
Oh yeah. This has been making the rounds on the Canadian Blogsphere all weekend. It’s greeted with a mixture of amusement and contempt. Way to set back Canadian-American relations and reinforce ugly American stereotypes.
The Vanity Press: Why America has no friends, Part 239876891
Doctor Dawg’s Blawg: The keyboard tough guys
Unrepentant Old Hippie: What would you have done?
You have to wonder about people who confuse made-for-TV action movies for real life. The plane hijackers had box cutters, this guy had a hunting knife. The plane hijackers were threatening everyone, this guy already killed his victim before anyone knew what was going on. Police on both sides of the border say they did the right thing.
Paul L.
It seems that someone with Tim’s worldview agrees with the thugs family that this 71-year old retired Marine is a coward who took the law in his own hands.
Jon H
Don’t forget, they were listening to showtunes at the time.
Tim F.
Paul L:
What I wrote:
For christ’s sake Paul, the post was one sentence long. It doesn’t seem like too much to ask you to read the whole thing.
Joey
“Just like no one’s buying your claim that we shouldn’t drill for oil.”
Yes, because the general public is always so well informed and logical with their views, especially when it comes to matters involving science. I guess it’s a good thing that the average American knows so much about economic geology, or else we might have to act like their opinion matters on the subject!
Sirkowski
Delusional paranoia sure seems to be a constant amongst conservatives…
Watch out Phil! It’s John Cole flying over your house in a black helicopter!!!
Joey
*stop acting like their opinions matter on the subjet.
Damn, I hate it when I do that.
TenguPhule
I’m sure Phil has a good excuse for why US oil companies sell US oil to foreign countries. Right, Phil?
TenguPhule
It’s Paul. Of course it is.
Bubblegum Tate
C’mon, hardcore wingers are freakin’ hilarious, though unitentionally so. You just have tos tep back and admire the stupid, and you’ll start laughing. Are they ever funny on purpose? Ummm…an example of that happening must exist somewhere, but I sure can’t cite one.
HyperIon
i saw on C-SPAN recently (friday, saturday?) a panel of folks who support the revocation of campus gun free zones. several “i used to hate guns but now…” types.
they are certain that an armed citizenry is much superior to relying on the cops. no discussion of what happens when armed youths meet alcohol. no discussion of how firearms acquired for one purpose (self-defense) often end up being used for another purpose (“i thought mom was an intruder.”)
which reminds me of the woman who was hiking this weekend and was shot by a kid who thought she was a bear.
Blue Raven
Two words: Mallard Fillmore.
Two more words: Prickly City.
In short, nowhere near as often as they think they are, and that’s because they mistake smug chuckling for actual laughter.