Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress
After emerging victorious from one of the most pivotal elections in history, president-elect Barack Obama will assume the role of commander in chief on Jan. 20, shattering a racial barrier the United States is, at long last, shitty enough to overcome.
Although polls going into the final weeks of October showed Sen. Obama in the lead, it remained unclear whether the failing economy, dilapidated housing market, crumbling national infrastructure, health care crisis, energy crisis, and five-year-long disastrous war in Iraq had made the nation crappy enough to rise above 300 years of racial prejudice and make lasting change.
Really not sure how the Onion does it every day.
Comedy is easy when you have the GOP supplying an endless source of material.
I commend you for your morning-after resiliancy.
Who wants to sleep in on this perfect morning.
if only sheriff bart had lived to see this day!
I have yet to go to sleep. Just got home from a MOB of thousands of smiling people dancing in the streets.
Bill Ayers – Secretary of
Rashid Khalidi – Secretary of
Hillary Clinton – Secretary of
Health and Human ServicesSocialized Medicine and Mandatory Abortions
Osama bin Laden – Secretary of
DefenseDeath to America
Rev. Jeremiah Wright – Secretary of
the InteriorGOD DAMN AMERICA!
Willie Nelson – Secretary of
Barney Frank –
Attorney GeneralGay Marriage Czar
Er … Thanks President Bush!
Charming… Maurizio Gasparri, a right-wing Italian politician, proclaimed that, ‘perhaps al-Qaeda is happier with Obama in the White House.’
The Onion, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report…why is it that the comediennes seem to be the only ones willing to tell the truth?
Oh…WILLIE NELSON, SECRETARY OF HEMP! Rock on!
The last time I checked, there are still 3 Senate seats that are too close to call. Minnesota, Oregon and Alaska. And all three with repubs slightly ahead and only provisional and absentee votes to count. MN and OR are very close, within a few hundred votes. Then there’s Alaska with Ted Stephens ahead by about 5000 votes. Unbelievable, that a freshly convicted felon is set to win reelection to the US Senate (AK might need to be downgraded to Territorial status). And, we may not have seen the last of Sarah Serendipity, if she appoints herself to replace Stephens when he reports to the Crossbar Hotel. She could be the resident watchdog sniffing out Socialists and Un American types in the upper chamber. Bernie Sanders can tell her to fuck off, and she will whine about the end of free speech for Maverickettes.
I am so happy it was a landslide.
Well Alaska has proven they are nothing more then Louisiana on the Artic
@Comrade Stuck: According to TPM, Georgia may not have counted all the early votes so Chambliss may have to have a run off.
I would welcome Senator Blood Countess with open arms. She’d be in the spotlight all of the time, and we know what bright light does to the undead.
"in 2004, John Kerry cost himself the presidency by criticizing Bush’s disastrous Iraq policy before everyone realized our invasion had become a complete and total quagmire."
the onion delivers comedy gold every day just by telling the fucking truth.
that’s why it hurts so much.
It’s all right in front of their noses. All they have to do is keep their eyes open and their iron-o-meters tuned.
Gotta love The Onion. Am crying tears of joy.
Btw, I was actually in D.C. yesterday morning, actually inside the White House, and spoke with a few Secret Service types who were really looking forward to the election AND the inauguration being over. (They have already begun inauguration preparations all over D.C. Pretty amazing.)
Made it back to CT in plenty of time to vote (Jim Himes beat Chris Shays! Thanks in part to me!) and was up until midnight last night, crying tears of joy over my keyboard as I covered the election live. Just added Obama’s acceptance speech and some other cool stuff, which is definitely worth a look (hint). : )
I checked the MN Sec. of State’s voting results this morning:
Mandatory recount triggered.
& Bachmann wins.
Welcome to MN – home of the incredibly stupid 6th district. I was trying to find the election result breakdowns for each of the 8 districts but no luck yet. I’m guessing at this point that Coleman lost in all but one or two of them.
Well we’ll have Coleman’s ethics breaches and Bachmann’s stupidity to keep us entertained for a couple more years. Bachmann would have wound up as a FOX political consultant anyway had she lost.
Damn, Coleman needed to lose. And also, too.
This is truly the first day of the rest of my life.
I have broken up with Joe & Mika.
Their tired, stale blather and inability to do anything but look backwards, also, and too talk about what was and how it became to be what was and how things might be different this morning if what was was not…
is horrendously infuriating and yet, this morning, horrendously hysterical.
Free at last.
I dreaded the entire 8 years Bush has driven the nation in the wrong direction, but on the bright side, as pointed out in this humor, his awful leadership helped propell our new President Elect, a true uniter and reformer. Had Bush been as good as "mediocre", this great day may not have come so soon. We have been bronzed in the fires of the worse Presidency in our history.
Yeah Joe was sure working hard to minimize Obama’s win. Pissed me off. "If the economy….blah, blah, blah…"
OSarge, I wish it had not taken 8 years of Bush and the GOP screwing up everything in sight, in order to get Obama.
Clinton left this country in marvelous shape. Bush wrecked it. So instead of continuing to move forward and building on what Clinton left for us, we’re going to spend at least the next four years just trying to get back to where we were.
Politics is cyclical, and people get lazy when things go well. I wish we didn’t need near catastrophe to rise to our better selves, but thank FSM we have finally risen. It takes leader like President-Elect Obama (how great to say that!) to pull us back to what we are and can be when we work together.
Looks like Obama is winning NC by 12,000 votes??!!Really puts into perspective the importance of every single hour given to the GOTV efforts, no matter how inconsequential it feels at the time.
Yesterday I ran out some door knocker reminders with a very enthusiastic group of volunteers here in my small western mountain town. I wondered if what I was doing was contributing anything, really, over and above feeling like I finally did something not involving giving money. But you never know how many last minute voters got home and seeing that one more reminder on their door said: "Oh fuck it. Why not?" and cast late votes. And a woman governor to boot.
NPR was doing the same thing with their election results this morning, talking about how Obama went into this election with absolutely huge advantages. As they kept talking it became apparent that the huge advantage that Obama had was that the republicans have totally and absolutely screwed everything up. It wasn’t fair that Obama had an advantage like that…
That’s when I turned it off.
@gbear: You know, this might just mean I will go back to…what do you call that when you look at something printed on paper and bound in the middle… READ A BOOK?
For the last 2 years, 95% of my reading has been off of a computer or tee vee screen, and all pol all the time. I am over-saturated, thirsty for some romantic escapism, and my eyes have gone on strike today because it is very hard to focus. (+4) +/- (6.5) hours sleep = mooseburger for brains.
I stayed up until 5:15am this morning until CNN called it for Obama, 11:15pm EST. I was up at 7am, taught 4 classes and talked about the election for a lot of it and now find this article. I had already planned my 3 university classes tomorrow but this article, and the other, from January 17, 2001 called "Bush: Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over" will be first and foremost tomorrow. Something really important happened yesterday and I’m proud I was part of it.
I explained to students today that it was probably Obama’s ground game that helped him win. The people believe in him and are willing to stop what they’re doing to help him. You can get people together. It’s a compelling moment to be a part of…