Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

Meanwhile over at truth Social, the former president is busy confessing to crimes.

Second rate reporter says what?

They think we are photo bombing their nice little lives.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Take your GOP plan out of the witness protection program.

I wonder if trump will be tried as an adult.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

Glad to see john eastman going through some things.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

We’ll be taking my thoughts and prayers to the ballot box.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

“That’s what the insurrection act is for!”

“Cheese and Kraken paired together for the appetizer trial.”

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

Republicans want to make it harder to vote and easier for them to cheat.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

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A Quick Reminder

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Tomorrow is Festivus, so we will begin the day with an airing of grievances, and tomorrow afternoon we will engage in feats of strength. Since we can not wrestle the head of the household, maybe feats will require reading everything on the front page of the Corner or something.

I am open for suggestions.

Reader Interactions

146Comments

  2. 2.

    pharniel

    i say reading every comment at her lady of perpetual outrage or kos without saying anyting.
    that’s strength.

  4. 4.

    Surreal American

    maybe feats will require reading everything on the front page of the Corner or something.

    The term "strength" doesn’t quite cover that feat, although "intestinal fortitude" might.

    Logically, shouldn’t the "airing of grievances" begin after we read The Corner?

  6. 6.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    For feat of strength, I recommend one more incredibly long and wankerous Rick Warren thread.

  7. 7.

    Comrade Stuck

    Tomorrow is Festivus, so we will begin the day with an airing of grievances,

    If that signifies Festivus, then every day at Balloon Juice is Festivus. A feat of strength would be a day without complaint, and the accompanying Strawmen and Women.

  12. 12.

    The Grand Panjandrum

    I just saw a PJTV ad promoting a Reynolds & Malkin interview of Joe the Plumber. Watching the entire thing requires strength. But watching their interview of Michael Steele immediately following that is a Festivus worthy feat of strength. But you know what "they" say; that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You should be Hercules, Wonder Woman, and Sampson by the end of the second interview. Sadly, the cool outfits are not included.

  20. 20.

    Mnemosyne

    We will be wrestling the head of our household. Only a non-cat-owner would think that wrestling a 15-pound cat who has all of his teeth and claws is not a feat of strength.

  21. 21.

    Mike

    maybe feats will require reading everything on the front page of the Corner

    Feats of strength of stomach, or are you going for distance in the projectile vomiting contest?

  22. 22.

    Duke of Earl

    @Comrade Stuck:

    If that signifies Festivus, then every day at Balloon Juice is Festivus. A feat of strength would be a day without complaint, and the accompanying Strawmen and Women.

    FTW

  26. 26.

    LanceThruster

    The number one feat of strength (that we all win?) is by following the rule of law as criminal hooligans occupying the White House flout the rule of law. Saner folks would have stormed the gates with torches and pitchforks by now…or at least a shoe workboot or two.

  27. 27.

    Michael D.

    Tomorrow is Festivus, so we will begin the day with an airing of grievances

    And that would be different from a normal day here at Balloon Juice exactly how?

    On another note, have a great Christmas. I am going to Canuckistan to see the family!

  28. 28.

    Ivan Ivanovich Renko

    We will be wrestling the head of our household. Only a non-cat-owner would think that wrestling a 15-pound cat who has all of his teeth and claws is not a feat of strength.

    No, that’s bloody suicidal.

  29. 29.

    TheHatOnMyCat

    Airing of grievances?

    Cars with loud subwoofers that can be heard from inside your house, two blocks away.

    What moron invented this? The same dickhead who cooked up the car alarm, possibly the second most useless invention in the history of mankind, after the Backup Beeper?

  31. 31.

    Atanarjuat

    TheHatOnMyCat said:

    Airing of grievances?
    Cars with loud subwoofers that can be heard from inside your house, two blocks away.

    I take it that you must be a fossilized curmudgeon, you Saguaro Sage, you.

    So then, Nutcutter, what was trendy or hip back in your heady days of youth? Wearing a raccoon coat to a football game (where all the players wore leather helmets) while occasionally blurting, "23 skidoo?"

  32. 32.

    Brick Oven Bill

    Re: Cat Wrestling Tips

    The dexterity of cats is fascinating to me. Witnessing their balance and movement makes one question whether evolution alone could have created such traits in a living creature. If these traits were not divinely inspired, think about how many cats would have had to have died during the evolutionary process of the modern cat. No matter which way a cat is dropped, tossed, or otherwise displaced, it will always land on its feet.

    But all this evolutionary history, or perhaps divine genius, goes out the window if you tie a helium balloon to the tail of the cat.

  35. 35.

    TheHatOnMyCat

    Only a non-cat-owner would think that wrestling a 15-pound cat who has all of his teeth and claws is not a feat of strength.

    I’ve got a 23 pounder here that can take all the flesh off your arms with her hind claws in about 20 seconds.

  36. 36.

    p.a.

    John, can your servers handle the load if there is an airing of grievances? As for tests of strength, how about a sort of Bulwer-Lytton contest for most fatuous comment, worst long-term trolling, worst Hillary ballwasher etc.?

  38. 38.

    guyermo

    John…

    Does Festivus really hold any special meaning for you? Considering you generate ad revenue from the site, and the fact that you air your grievances all year round, it seems to me that you’ve sold out the Festivus tradition and gone commercial.

    I’m going to go worship a broken link because I find BlogAds distracting.

  39. 39.

    Sarcastro

    Festivus; the day I celebrate having never, EVER watched an entire episode of Sienfeld.

    There needs to be a holiday for celebrating having never watched an episode of Friends as well.

  40. 40.

    TheHatOnMyCat

    There needs to be a holiday for celebrating having never watched an episode of Friends as well.

    There might be. There also might be a day for celebrating the fact that one belongs to the class of people who would never consider making a comparison between the vapid, humorless dreck of Friends with the vastly witty and always hilarious humor of Seinfeld.

    Seinfeld isn’t just funny, it teaches several different and identifiable ways of looking at the universe.

    Anybody who hasn’t seen Mel Torme singing to Kramer, or heard Elaine saying that maybe the dingo ate your baby, or doesn’t know what "The sea was angry that day, my friends" or "Veddy, veddy bad man" or "spongeworthy" mean, isn’t the kind of person I want around me.

  44. 44.

    passerby

    So then, Nutcutter, what was trendy or hip back in your heady days of youth? Wearing a raccoon coat to a football game (where all the players wore leather helmets) while occasionally blurting, "23 skidoo?"

    LOL! Too funny.

    And Happy Festivus. Tomorrow I’m rolling on down to New Orleans. I have no grievances to air but my feats of strength will be to endure my parents’ keeping the house at 80 degrees. I usually have to turn on the AC in the bedroom.

    And Feats of Strength # 2: Wrestling my cat into his carrier for the 8 hour drive south.

    Good tidings to all.

  46. 46.

    Josh Hueco

    Try living in Texas…making it through every day without strangling someone is a feat of strength in itself.

  47. 47.

    Duke of Earl

    @passerby:

    And Feats of Strength # 2: Wrestling my cat into his carrier for the 8 hour drive south.

    Withhold food for a significant length of time and then throw a particularly delicious treat into the carrier before you try to put the cat in.

    It’s worked for me…… sometimes.

  51. 51.

    Reverend Dennis

    what was trendy or hip back in your heady days of youth

    Getting high, getting laid, going to Winterland, the Longshoremans’ Hall, the Matrix – all of the stuff that guys like you weren’t doing.

  52. 52.

    The Management

    Try living in Texas…making it through every day without strangling someone is a feat of strength in itself.

    I thought it was legal to shoot people in Texas.

  53. 53.

    mannemalon

    OT: Anyone just see the Hardball segment with Barnacle and Jim Cramer? I’m not a big fan of either of these guys but I thoroughly enjoyed their segment of outrage at the gov’t/wall st./bush admin.

    Should be on msnbc.com soon.

  55. 55.

    TheHatOnMyCat

    Yeah, that was a big thing if you wanted to be a part of the Tammany Hall machine.

    Tammy Hall? Yeah, she was one year ahead of me in high school.

    Nice girl.

  57. 57.

    Reverend Dennis

    Fred Thompson is slated to replace Bill O’Reilly’s "Radio Factor" with a show of his own.
    "The Fred Thompson Show will feature Thompson sharing his views on politics, pop culture and water cooler stories about the issues of the day. The show will feature guest interviews and take listener calls."
    They forgot to mention napping, marrying someone young enough to be your daughter and tying Pat Paulson for the most humorous presidential campaign ever.

  58. 58.

    TheHatOnMyCat

    They forgot to mention napping, marrying someone young enough to be your daughter and tying Pat Paulson for the most humorous presidential campaign ever.

    Hey, you can’t top Paulson. His "Let them eat cotton" program for hungry people was one of the great moments in presidential campaign history.

    Why cotton? Well, there was a bumper crop that year and the price per bale was just very cheap.

  61. 61.

    robertdsc

    tying Pat Paulson for the most humorous presidential campaign ever.

    His bit where he has to ask for applause after he was done speaking was particularly excruciating to watch.

  62. 62.

    skohayes

    My feat of strength will be fighting the airlines all day to try and get to SW Florida from western Ks. Security, babies, exhausted parents, and cranky attendants. Blech.
    And we are having 30-50 mph wind gusts right now, so taking off in that 10 seat puddle jumper tomorrow at 5 AM will be a real treat.

  63. 63.

    Krista

    On another note, have a great Christmas. I am going to Canuckistan to see the family!

    You’re in for quite a bit of snow, then. We got whomped last night and today. The power was even out for awhile.

    Sorry for being AWOL for such a long time, peeps. We moved into our new house on Saturday, and have been unpacking and cleaning ever since then. Which is not easy, as I have to sit down every 20 minutes due to my all-day-long morning sickness.

    And my entire family arrives tomorrow afternoon for Christmas.

    Wheeee!

    So, if I’m not back on here before then, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, and Joyous Festivus to all!

  65. 65.

    Laura W

    @Krista:

    my all-day-long morning sickness.

    WHAT? Was that a drive-by preggers announcement or did I actually manage to miss a thread?
    Did you bury this in the 1,200+ comments on the you-know-who invocation issue?
    I am very sorry that you can’t drink for the Inauguration Thread.
    Maybe just a glass or two of wine?
    Congrats, Krista! (and Mr. Krista, of course.)

  66. 66.

    OriGuy

    I flew from San Jose to Indianapolis yesterday; it was fairly painless. The worst part was landing early at ORD and sitting on the pad for an hour waiting for the gate to clear so that we could deplane. Almost made me miss my flight to IND.
    The airports were surprisingly not crowded, particularly SJC. AA had oversold the SJC-ORD flight, as usual, and started the bidding for someone to give up their seat at $400. They usually start lower than that.
    The new Indianapolis airport, by the way, is really nice. The baggage claim was a little slow, but the place has only been open a month. How long was DIA fighting with their baggage system?

  67. 67.

    JL

    @Krista: Merry christmas and we’ll be thinking of you during the Festivus celebrations. Do you have any grievances that you’d like to share early?

  69. 69.

    SammyB

    I just went a Festivus party on Sat. I didn’t know there was an actualy Frestivus day. Can someone go to the Seinfeld tape? Is Festivus actually on 23 DEC?

  71. 71.

    tom p

    There might be. There also might be a day for celebrating the fact that one belongs to the class of people who would never consider making a comparison between the vapid, humorless dreck of Friends with the vastly witty and always hilarious humor of Seinfeld.

    Well, as one who has never watched a complete episode of either… what is the diff? They are both low class entertainment for people who are incapable of thinking enuf for themselves to have the gumption to turn that tripe OFF!

    OK, Now that I have pissed everybody here off, I have a true challenge that measures strength commensurate only in the realm of superheroes:

    Spend an entire day with you mother-in-law, always have a smile on your face, and NEVER let a snide word escape your lips (not even under your breath)

  72. 72.

    reality-based

    can I just say – re "spongeworthy" – how surreal it was to hear what I THOUGHT was a private longrunning bitchfest about the disappearance of the sponge coming out of Elaine’s mouth?

    After all, this was a rant shared only with my sisters, my best friends, and absolutely everybody else I ever discussed contraception or sex or men with.

    "not spongeworthy" – instant shorthand among women of a certain age for guys who were probably going to be more trouble than they were worth. (in the sack, anyway. )

  73. 73.

    tom p

    Ok, now I know where festuvious(whatever)(I can’t even spell it) comes from (I just now read all the comments) … I am sure to be banned from this site forever!!!!

    As to living in Texas, you can kill them only if they are your wife (sorry, husbands do not qualify) You have my sympathy… or not. You can always move?

    Spent too much time in Texas… By the way: Who knows how to find Texas?

    You walk west until you smell it, south until you step in it.

  74. 74.

    Laura W

    @reality-based: I love the word, and the usage in the context of the show. A very cute premise and plotline. However, I would like to say, IT WAS THE MOST INEFFECTIVE METHOD OF BC EVER INVENTED.
    If you felt a man was "spongeworthy", you pretty much better feel he is "Baby Daddy" or "Husband" worthy.
    Unless you were pro-choice.
    To deem a man "not spongeworthy" was actually saying, whether you knew it or not at the time: "I will not get impregnated by you and therefore I will not have to look at you for the rest of my life just because we share genetic material in the form of an offspring."
    I’m a romantic. I admit it.
    Man I’m chatty tonight.
    Pre-holiday angst.

  76. 76.

    J.D. Rhoades

    My brother had a cat that fell in a pan of freshly changed motor oil once. It took three adults to bathe her and we all looked liked we’d been juggling chainsaws afterward.

    This is when it pays to have a friend in the SCA. Chainmail can come in handy at the most unexpected times.

  77. 77.

    J.D. Rhoades

    Seinfeld isn’t just funny, it teaches several different and identifiable ways of looking at the universe.

    But halfway through every episode I found myself thinking that, in the words of Twain, I "disliked some characters, was indifferent to others, and wished they would all get drowned together." Only episode I liked was the series finale, where they all ended up in jail.

  78. 78.

    Laura W

    @demimondian: Well, without going into more TMI than I already have on this blog over the last week, I’ll just say that the key to what I perceive as the main problem is this:
    "The sponge must be left in place for several hours after ejaculation in the vagina."
    There are just some things that preclude leaving that oozing, sopping thing in place for several hours (and I ain’t referring to just basic hygiene habits.)
    Am I still on topic here?

  79. 79.

    reality-based

    Laura, Demimondian –

    SERIOUSLY?!?! 84%!?!? Boy, did I luck out!

    OK, I need to say a serious thank-you to the anti-fertility Goddess, or Festivus, or somebody- since it worked perfectly for me, from the time they introduced it to when they yanked it off the market –

    However, this is WHY I’m so adamantly pro-choice – because the numbers will doom you.

    Let’s say you have two children by the age of 25, and don’t want more.

    Then you have sex twice a week through the next 25 years of your (fertile) life – that’s 2,600 times. (Sounds like a LOT, doesn’t it, when you put it that way – )

    Even the pill or the IUD have at least a 1% failure rate – so there’s a theoretical 26 further pregnancies, even with the best methods!

    my sister used to work in a women’s clinic – she said at least a third of her patients were stunned forty-year-olds, with whom the numbers had caught up.

    but thank goodness, I got lucky with the sponge.

  80. 80.

    Laura W

    @reality-based:

    SERIOUSLY? 84%? Boy, did I luck out!
    OK, I need to say a serious thank-you to the anti-fertility Goddess, or Festivus,

    Yes, you did.
    Yes, you do.
    Drinks on you all day tomorrow!

  82. 82.

    gnomedad

    @reality-based:

    Then you have sex twice a week through the next 25 years of your (fertile) life – that’s 2,600 times. (Sounds like a LOT, doesn’t it, when you put it that way – )

    Even the pill or the IUD have at least a 1% failure rate – so there’s a theoretical 26 further pregnancies, even with the best methods!

    Um, I think the percentage figure means annually.

  83. 83.

    Jim

    I guess it’s not a Feat of Strength, since you can’t really call them the head of most households – but anyway: teaching English to high school freshmen for 24 years. Maybe that’s an Airing of the Grievances? Dog knows, they can be grievous.

  84. 84.

    Duke of Earl

    @J.D. Rhoades:

    This is when it pays to have a friend in the SCA. Chainmail can come in handy at the most unexpected times.

    I had a copy of a Brit sportbike magazine once wherein the cover story was on body armor for crotch rocket riders.

    The cover was a guy in a full medieval armor suit on a crotch rocket leaned over in a corner at about fifty degrees with his knee sparking on the pavement. If it was photoshopped someone did a brilliant job of it, I tend to think it was an actual shot. If so then the guy just had to be both in the SCA and an actual sportbike rider because trying to do that without being very comfortable with both bike and armor is about unthinkable to me.

    One of those suits would be good for cat bathing if only they came in stainless.

  85. 85.

    Laura W

    Just to get us all in the mood for tomorrow morning, I found this great site. Be sure to check out the current "grievances aired" links on the right. Nothing like getting a jump start on the holiday.
    Happy Festivus Eve, Everyone!:

    SIGN THE DIVORCE PAPERS YOU STUPID (Cant Understand Normal Thinking)!!
    Submitted by Anonymous on 22 December, 2008 – 4:41pm.
    You’re the one that wanted this. It’s been 2&1/2 years since you filed for divorce. END IT YOU STUPID BITCH!!!! Realize that no man in his right mind would want to be with your sorry, ungrateful, frigid & sexless stinky twat. Get used to being alone!!!!!!!

    (I gather she uses the sponge.)

  86. 86.

    demimondian

    @reality-based: You got very lucky, but that’s an annual figure. It’s actually not too much worse than a diaphragm, and it’s roughly comparable to the effectiveness of the first generation of cervical caps for women who’d never borne a child. (Laura W., I realize this doesn’t apply to you, but the cervical cap has only an effectiveness of 71% for women who have borne a child or children.)

    Always remember, kids, that the single most common failure mode for barrier methods is what is euphemistically referred to as "non-use".

    — demi "surgery is forever, though" modian.

  88. 88.

    Ed Drone

    So then, Nutcutter, what was trendy or hip back in your heady days of youth? Wearing a raccoon coat to a football game (where all the players wore leather helmets) while occasionally blurting, "23 skidoo?"

    Like the time we went over to shelbyville during the war, I wore an onion on my belt….which was the style at the time…you couldnt get those white ones, you could only get those big yellow ones……………..now where was I……..oh yeah, the important thing was I was wearing an onion on my nelt, which was the style at the time, you couldnt get those…

    Ed

  91. 91.

    PGE

    "The sea was angry that day, my friends"

    Just reading that line made me laugh out loud. Maybe my favorite episode.

  93. 93.

    ninerdave

    NY Times makes an oopsie.

    Early this morning, we posted a letter that carried the name of Bertrand Delanoë, the mayor of Paris, sharply criticizing Caroline Kennedy.

    This letter was a fake. It should not have been published.

  94. 94.

    srv

    @Paul L.: Are you going to be the last guy on earth to realize Obama isn’t a progressive?

    You need not worry, as the DFH-scientists are only going to get token funding in the Mother-of-all-Stimulus Plans. And what long-term programs are ‘announced’ will see their funding redirected as the experts come to the realization that we have more than magneto trouble.

  95. 95.

    ThymeZoneThe Plumber

    Spend an entire day with you mother-in-law, always have a smile on your face, and NEVER let a snide word escape your lips (not even under your breath)

    Oh, that’s easy. When you can spend a day with some of the bosses I’ve had, and never physically attack them, you can do the mother in law thing. No sweat.

  96. 96.

    robertdsc

    By the way, my airing of grievances amounts to two specific ones:

    1)Conservatives/Republicans whining about President-elect Obama’s Cabinet choices.

    2)The proliferation of "One Dollar" bookstores in various places around my house. They’ve become an instant addiction.

    I propose a feat of strength: trying to make sense of anything David Sirota says about Barack Obama.

  97. 97.

    srv

    @demimondian: The Modern Euler.

    For Festivus day, I give you that multi-pun with the expectation that you’ll know someone writing the seminal tome on the modern tending industry. As long as they credit me for the title.

  99. 99.

    Bad Horse's Filly

    @TheHatOnMyCat:

    Cars with loud subwoofers that can be heard from inside your house, two blocks away.

    The night I moved into my new neighborhood an SUV drove by with said subwoofers, windows down, blaring, I kid you not, Frank Sinatra.

    Took a second for it to sink in.

  100. 100.

    AnneLaurie

    I thought it was legal to shoot people in Texas.

    *People*, sure. But Wingnuts, fReichtards, Talibangelicals, and Robber-Baron-Wannabes are all protected species in Texas. You can’t even shoot lawyers in the face, non-lethally, unless you’re Darth Cheney.

  102. 102.

    Church Lady

    Happy Festivus, one and all. I will celebrate this holiday by climbing into the car on Christmas Eve morning, with a husband, two kids, two large dogs and everyone’s Christmas presents, and driving five and a half hours to the backwoods of Arkansas, hauling all of the food for Christmas Eve and Christmas day dinners, all so that I can jump out of the car and run into the kitchen to start cooking, while listening to my kids bitch about being stuck in the sticks for two days. Why would I do this? Because my mother-in-law (from hell), is adament that its "her turn" to have us for Christmas, but she isn’t "up to cooking" (read: lazy) and doesn’t want to come to our house – "It’s too far for us to drive for just two days" (said in a whiney voice). No shit. It’s too far for me, too.

    Kill. Me. Now.

  103. 103.

    Zuzu's Petals

    @Laura W:

    However, I would like to say, IT WAS THE MOST INEFFECTIVE METHOD OF BC EVER INVENTED.

    Oh my gawd.

    Oh well, guess I was lucky.

  104. 104.

    Church Lady

    Re: Seinfeld and Friends:

    Best Seinfeld Episode: The Master of Your Domain – I think I wet my pants a few times watching that one.

    Best Friends Episode (and there were some good ones, contrary to some opinions here): The Thanksgiving episode where Rachel screws up a recipe and makes a beef filled trifle, that Ross says "tastes like feet". We had just eaten Thanksgiving dinner at my sister’s in-laws’ house and her mother-in-law (a very, very sweet woman) absolutely cannot cook. Turkey with no seasoning, mashed potatoes put into a casserole dish and then baked (think brick), strange clear gravy made with cornstarch and her famous scalloped corn (canned creamed corn topped with saltines). Yum. On the way home, my Mom said everything at dinner tasted like feet. Mean, but true.

    To this day, whenever her scalloped corn is going to make an appearance at a holiday meal, my sister lets us know that her mother-in-law is bringing the feet and we all crack up.

  106. 106.

    Gravenstone

    Add me to the small crowd who eschewed the entire concept of "Must See TV". Nary an episode of Seinfeld nor Friends nor any of the other tripe that passed as prime time "entertainment" sullied my TV machine. Of course, working 3rd shift for the last 17 years (and counting) has helped immensely with avoiding prime time TV in general. So many faux cultural touchstones avoided.

  107. 107.

    Michael D.

    @TheHatOnMyCat:

    Anybody who hasn’t seen Mel Torme singing to Kramer, or heard Elaine saying that maybe the dingo ate your baby, or doesn’t know what “The sea was angry that day, my friends” or “Veddy, veddy bad man” or “spongeworthy” mean, isn’t the kind of person I want around me.

    I have seen and loved must about every episode of Seinfeld. Actually, I HAVE every episode of Seinfeld. Now, maybe that doesn’t make you like me, but perhaps you respect me a little more. ;-)

    Trivia: A script for Seinfeld is about 50% thicker than for any other 30 minute show.

  108. 108.

    Michael D.

    The difference between Seinfeld and other 30 minute sitcoms: Seinfeld was written. Others were PRODUCED.

    Friends was great in its appeal, but it was a horribly formulaic show. 20 minutes of gags, followed by 2-3 minutes of sappy shit. EVERY time.

    Seinfeld was a conversation that happened to be funny. It was a conversation, every week, that at least someone, somewhere, has had. The reason Seinfeld was hilarious is because you know you can say one of two things:

    “Shit, that totally happened to me…” or;
    “I can totally imagine someone doing that!”

    Friends, not so much. Unless you believe a bunch of minimum wage earners can afford a ginormous apartment in lower Manhattan.

  109. 109.

    Michael D.

    And FWIW, I will likely air my grievance tonight. I will be at my parents’ house in Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada.

    They’ll do something…

  110. 110.

    Atanarjuat

    Yup, Seinfeld sure was comedy gold.

    Especially when viewers are prompted to chuckle at the appropriate moments with that truly unique and devastatingly original laugh track, in all its canned goodness.

    Blah!

  114. 114.

    Krista

    Michael D., you’ll be too busy clearing out your folks’ driveway to air any grievances, I’m afraid.

    My grievance: that light fixtures aren’t standardized as to the type of bulb they take. I can understand using different wattages. I can even understand needing different shapes. But every cock-knocking light fixture out there needs a different base, or a halogen, or a GU16.5 that only rotates to the left and has to be inserted during a full moon and can only be found by special order using code word "Poughkeepsie" at the Home Depot.

    We’ve wasted more money on buying the wrong kind of light bulb since building this house than we have on anything else.

    And yes, Laura W., that was a drive-by pregnancy announcement. :)

  117. 117.

    Aristides

    My grievance: that light fixtures aren’t standardized as to the type of bulb they take. I can understand using different wattages. I can even understand needing different shapes. But every cock-knocking light fixture out there needs a different base, or a halogen, or a GU16.5 that only rotates to the left and has to be inserted during a full moon and can only be found by special order using code word "Poughkeepsie" at the Home Depot.

    That reminds me of a grievance I had not intended to air on anyone’s blog, but shall. Why the hell does every cell phone in the world have a different kind of charger? My wife works for a cell phone company and so we upgrade our phones pretty regularly (about once a year or so); I swear to God, every single phone I’ve ever purchased has had a different kind of charger that is completely incompatible with any other phone I’ve purchased. As an example, I bought an LG a few years back. A year later, I bought a newer version of an LG; different charger. The next year I bought newer version of that LG; different charger. This year my wife buys the newest version of that LG; DIFFERENT CHARGER. I have a drawer of CHARGERS at home that I keep because I think that surely they will eventually run out of charger design and one of them will be useful again. (And it’s not just LG…I only use them as the most egregious example.) Somewhere in the cell phone industry is a room full of assholes preserving their jobs by crafting different charger designs for every damn phone that’s out there. How many different godforsaken ways can you design a damn cord to put electricity into a phone??

    Whew…thank you. I feel better now.

  118. 118.

    DaveB

    Seinfeld had consistently the best combination of well-written dialogue and unique charcters to speak it, making innouous conversations hilarious. This was from one of my favorite episodes, "The Keys". The dialogue itself is not particularly funny, but listening to George’s voice becoming smaller and thinner makes the scene :

    KRAMER (moving back to the othe side of the booth): You’re wasting your life.
    GEORGE: I am not! What you call wasting, I call living! I’m living my life!
    KRAMER: O.K., like what? No, tell me! Do you have a job?
    GEORGE: No.
    KRAMER: You got money?
    GEORGE: No.
    KRAMER: Do you have a woman?
    GEORGE: No.
    KRAMER: Do you have any prospects?
    GEORGE: No.
    KRAMER: You got anything on the horizon?
    GEORGE: Uh…no.
    KRAMER: Do you have any action at all?
    GEORGE: No.
    KRAMER: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
    GEORGE: I like to get the Daily News!

  119. 119.

    TheHatOnMyCat

    I HAVE every episode of Seinfeld.

    Im pretty sure I have seen every episode several times. There are some that I have probably seen a dozen or more. I never get tired of them. Each one is a little comedy classic and a vignette from real life, or I should say from the madness and inanity that is real life. How many times do we Seinfeld addicts find ourselves out there in a situation and end up thinking … I’m living through a Seinfeld episode? This is the kind of thing that would make a Seinfeld episode, because …. this really happens, and it’s funny as hell?

    What was the funniest moment? "Stella!"? "Van DeLay Industries?" Mel Torme sings to Kramer? Kramer in the car with the mannequin? The dingo? George confesses to burning down the cabin? Kramer’s feeds the horse a little too much Beefarino?

    Can’t say. It’s one of those things for which there is no correct answer.

  121. 121.

    Xenos

    @Krista: Congratulations, indeed!

    I hope your husband does not have that fainting thing I keep succumbing to in the delivery room. That can be kinda awkward for all involved.

  123. 123.

    The Management

    That reminds me of a grievance I had not intended to air on anyone’s blog, but shall. Why the hell does every cell phone in the world have a different kind of charger?

    The only company I’ve ever encountered who used the same charger for years was Nokia.

    My blackberry uses a standard USB connector to charge, and I have decided that I like this.

  124. 124.

    The Other Steve

    Oh damnit… My posts are under The Management instead of TOS where they belong. Damn me for playing jokes yesterday. :-)

  125. 125.

    CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII

    Anybody who hasn’t seen Mel Torme singing to Kramer, or heard Elaine saying that maybe the dingo ate your baby, or doesn’t know what "The sea was angry that day, my friends" or "Veddy, veddy bad man" or "spongeworthy" mean, isn’t the kind of person I want around me.

    I see it all so clearly now.

  126. 126.

    CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII

    I have seen and loved must about every episode of Seinfeld. Actually, I HAVE every episode of Seinfeld. Now, maybe that doesn’t make you like me, but perhaps you respect me a little more. ;-)

    I’m sure he respects you much more than he does me at this point, as I was never really exposed to Seinfeld much.

  127. 127.

    Sarcastro

    Each one is a little comedy classic and a vignette from real life, or I should say from the madness and inanity that is real life.

    Congratulations, you’ve just defined the situational comedy.

    Too bad Amos & Andy did it 80 years ago or somebody might have found Seinfeld to possess some modicum of originality.

  128. 128.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    @Aristides:

    For the same reason that HP et. al. makes printers that take different print cartridges. They are not making money off selling you the cell phones (they pretty much give them away anyway) they make their money by selling you the accessories. Clarke Howard calls this the "razor effect" Gillette et. al. actually lose money when they sell a razor, but they don’t care because they make a boat load of money selling you the blades for them (which is why they all take different blades). As is the case with some printers (as Howard has experienced and spoken about) sometimes it is cheaper to go out and buy a new printer than it is to replace the ink cartridge.

    My grievance for today, "Arnamade" (the Orange devil cat that I am trying desperately trying to introduce into my household at the moment) at some point during the night snuck out from beneath his hiding place under the bed and shit in my slippers, both of them. As I awoke in the dark this morning to go to the bathroom I slid my feet into them and the cold "squish" which greeted me was beyond gross. He and I are going to have to have a "talk".

  131. 131.

    harlana pepper

    Feat II: Visualize Sumo wrestling match between Ann Coulter and Bill Kristol while retaining all stomach contents and sense of sight (reaching for bleach will result in immediate disqualification). You can swap out Kristol for Hannity for the sake of variety, if you like.

  133. 133.

    JL

    Larry Johnson’s blog qualifies for both. How many are still upset that they waited for months for the whitey tape to appear and how difficult was it to actual read the comments on his site. A day thinking about Larry Johnson is tooo difficult to imagine though.

  136. 136.

    Punchy

    Anyone heard about Obama’s plan to invite some rich cracker evangelly to say Jesus stuff at his inauguration? How do peeps feel about this?

  138. 138.

    cleek

    @Punchy:

    nope. hadn’t heard that.

    any chance he’s gonna sit down with the Pope some time during his Presidency? cause that would be a slap in the face of the knife in the back under the bus to all kinds of people.

  139. 139.

    TheHatOnMyCat

    Anyone heard about Obama’s plan to invite some rich cracker evangelly to say Jesus stuff at his inauguration? How do peeps feel about this?

    Oh, you are veddy veddy bad man!

    Veddy bad!

  140. 140.

    Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse

    Yay for Krista and light-bulb collecting husband! Hey Krista, what are the odds on the wee sprog being another redhead? And I hope you’re taking it easy. All day morning sickness sounds brutal.

    We will obviously need baby picture blogging soon. If need be, I can put a diaper on Fergus and join the fun. I don’t have any old chain mail kicking around from my SCA days, but back when I was an insomniac ground squirrel wrangler in university (they had sleep cycle issues, not me) I learned that fine chain mail gloves are the way to go.

  141. 141.

    everywhere

    We got the aluminum pole up. Lots of grievances this year, mostly revolving around money issues due to the Bush Depression.

  143. 143.

    Church Lady

    @Krista – Congratulations!

    @ my bitching and moaning: The Festivus gods have smiled. They are now spitting freezing rain onto the hinterlands of Arkansas and we don’t have to go. Whee!
    The Festivus drinks are on me.

  144. 144.

    R-Jud

    Congrats, Krista! I’m due with #1 in February and my grievance is that people keep saying "Almost eight months? But you’re so SMALL! Are you sure it’s okay?"

    @ Church Lady:

    Glad to hear it. I was in a similar situation once and was going to suggest you get out of it the way I did: break your leg. It was infinitely preferable to the hassle of pleasing an in-law who didn’t really want to be pleased.

  145. 145.

    LanceThruster

    TheHatOnMyCat

    Airing of grievances?

    Cars with loud subwoofers that can be heard from inside your house, two blocks away.

    What moron invented this? The same dickhead who cooked up the car alarm, possibly the second most useless invention in the history of mankind, after the Backup Beeper?

    Agree entirely. Now when my neighbors’ teens and their friends do it (it cuts through my walls from across the street), I hit the panic button on my vanpool vehicle for about thirty seconds. Like Pavlov’s dogs, it took a couple of days for them to make the connection and get the message. I confronted one of them one night at 10:30 and said, "I don’t think you realize just how much that sound carries. I can hear it loudly in the back of my house." He said, "Sounds good, huh." I said, "No. Just noise."

    I’ve become the "Get of my lawn, you kids!" man, but I remember we tried to be a lot cooler towards the neighbors when we were growing up. We felt the best way to stay out of trouble was to stay off their radar.

    KEEP YOUR SUB-WOOFER TO YOURSELF
    BASS-HOLE!

  146. 146.

    harlana pepper

    Grievance: Driving to a thankless, benefitless job every morning and seeing scads of rich wives who don’t work or have "jobettes" doing their little, social morning jogs (since they can afford to wait until it’s light) and knowing most of them and their husbands voted for McCain.

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