Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Republicans in disarray!

We are aware of all internet traditions.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

Let there be snark.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

This really is a full service blog.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

The GOP couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

We still have time to mess this up!

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

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Reader Interactions

116Comments

  2. 2.

    Laura W

    @Zuzu’s Petal’s: Thanks, Zuze! I’ve never seen it but just scanned all the teevee channels to see what’s for viewin’ and in disgust and despair, went back to The Loft to enjoy Joan Osborne singing "Son of a Preacher Man."
    Now I will go enjoy John’s musical gift to us, and then I suppose go watch John’s fave Xmas Movie.
    Babes in Johnland, mmmm?

  7. 7.

    Laura W

    @Zuzu’s Petal’s: I’m an idiot.
    I’ve learned to distinguish between TBS and TNT now. I can catch it fresh at 6.
    In the meantime, USA is running a House marathon. That’s a show I never got into, but know I should’ve gotten into, so maybe I’ll do the 5pm episode there and switch to the C Movie after.
    Heady holiday choices, huh? Thanks.
    Mom and Grama said rain rain rain. It was so gorgeous here today a short-sleeved tee was in order on the walk and I had the screen door open all afternoon.

  10. 10.

    D-Chance.

    It’s past noon. Can we can the Christmas crap now until next year? Jeez, you theophobes gets so excited over a holiday about someone you spit upon the other 364 days…

  11. 11.

    Zuzu's Petal's

    @Laura W:

    Ah yes, savoring from the beginning the way to go.

    I was going to go to a movie but am feeling more like what the heck why not hunker down with a TV movie. Or two or three.

    It’s been somewhat rainy here but the sun is shining as I type.

  12. 12.

    Zuzu's Petal's

    @Laura W:

    That’s why TiVo is the greatest thing ever. The pause/rewind is the only function I’ve ever really learned to use.

  13. 13.

    John Cole

    @D-Chance.: Theophobes?

    Didn’t we go through this before? The folks who are theophobes are the southern baptists who run around terrified of what happens if they screw before marriage and whatever else.

    We aren’t afraid of your God. We are dismissive of people who insist we adhere to your sect’s voodoo.

  15. 15.

    sbjules

    We cooked the Pork Tenderloin recipe posted in early December(Beer Blogging) for dinner last night.

    Fabulous! We cooked a Pork Roast very slowly. It was tender & succulent. Highly recommend this recipe.

    Merry Christmas.

  16. 16.

    robertdsc

    Didn’t we go through this before? The folks who are theophobes are the southern baptists who run around terrified of what happens if they screw before marriage and whatever else.
    We aren’t afraid of your God. We are dismissive of people who insist we adhere to your sect’s voodoo.

    Win.

    Merry Christmas to all.

  18. 18.

    Comrade Stuck

    @D-Chance.:

    about someone you spit upon the other 364 days…

    Funhouse Proverb — If thine aim is true, spitting on Dogma (any kind) brings tears of joy to Baby Jeevus.

    **Excerpt from Manny’s Rightous Guide To God and Politics

  19. 19.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Mrs. Fuckhead and I had a musical discussion a month or so ago wherein she questioned whether or not any song I liked ever made me think about her because she had a ton of songs she liked that made her think about me. I told her no, I wasn’t nostalgic like that, as I continued working on the clogged toilet.

    Then the other day, I heard a song and it made me think of her. So I got her a romantic Christmas card and wrote a note in it reminding her of our conversation and accompanied it with a CD with the song on it.

    She got me a nose hair trimmer.

  21. 21.

    Laura W

    @Zuzu’s Petal’s: There is no reason on earth that I don’t have TiVo. Or a DVD/TV in the bedroom. Or a crackberry. Or have not once tried to figure out the video cam on my new camera I’ve had for weeks. I only went wireless internet two years ago when I moved here. You’ve not lived till you surf eBay on dial-up.
    I am intellectually lazy when it comes to electronics and technology stuff. I wish it weren’t so. I hate that about me. Perhaps a resolution list item?
    Nah.

  23. 23.

    Laura W

    @Just Some Fuckhead: You’re gonna leave us hanging there, guy? What song? what CD? It didn’t happen unless you link to it.
    I am so pathetic that way that I had to sit on my hands after reading Stuck’s comment "If thine aim is true" because it reminds me of Elvis Costello’s "Alison" and that reminds me of college and that reminds me of….
    Fuck. Deep exhale.
    No wonder I have issues this time of year, huh?

  24. 24.

    OriGuy

    The Pogues rule.
    I’m one of the few people who saw A Christmas Story in the theaters. I saw it right after Thanksgiving, about a week after it opened, while on a business trip. What else can you do in Monroeville, PA on Thanksgiving weekend?

  25. 25.

    Conservatively Liberal

    The folks who are theophobes are the southern baptists who run around terrified of what happens if they screw before marriage and whatever else.

    The uptight religious nuts don’t like my philosophy when it comes to premarital sex. I believe in the ‘try before you buy’ or ‘take a test drive first’ when it comes to sex and marriage. It never made a lick of sense to me to marry someone not knowing if you are sexually compatible. Just because the wiring connections are male/female, that doesn’t mean that the voltage levels or polarity match. I am sure as hell glad I did because I learned that there are more than a few ladies out there with some real ‘issues’ or hangups regarding sex. Some with a few strange ideas too, and not the ‘good’ strange.

    Worked for me. Got some miles on the odometer ;) , found someone that I mesh well with and we have been married 22 years now, both on our first (and last) marriage. We are best friends who like to do everything together, never fight and make our friends sick with envy (or just plain sick).

    Kick the tires, you won’t regret it (with proper protection, of course). It’s a nice way to keep up the Christmas spirit of unwrapping surprises all year long. ;)

    Ho! Ho! Ho!

  27. 27.

    Zuzu's Petals

    @Laura W:

    I am not just intellectually lazy when it comes to tech stuff…I’m just plain lazy. I’m getting less and less inclined to learn new-fangled stuff, and I’m still in my 50s.

    This of course is a source of consternation to my son, who is finally giving up on getting me up to date. He now just considers the mom-is-clueless factor in any gadget he gives or recommends to me. That and how much effort he will have to expend teaching me how to use it and then fixing it when I screw it up.

  28. 28.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Laura W: I’m can’t reveal the song because that would be like cheating or something. Just trust me, total fucking romance in a three minute long, three/four beat mellow pop hit from the early 80’s.

  29. 29.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Conservatively Liberal:

    Just because the wiring connections are male/female, that doesn’t mean that the voltage levels or polarity match.

    Yer just hittin’ her with the taser and jumping on, aren’t ya?

  30. 30.

    Laura W

    @Just Some Fuckhead: Man, you and Cons. Lib. are making me all misty tonight.
    6 min. into Christmas Story and it’s clear why John loves this movie.
    The little protagonist is John!
    The Halloween photos and voice-over as supporting evidence.
    I’d like to reco the N/V Mumm Napa Valley Brut Rose for NY’s/Inauguration Day festivities. Decided to finally pop it open. (I’ll save the second one in case we ever meet, ZuZu.)

  31. 31.

    Joe Max

    Jeez, you theophobes gets so excited over a holiday about someone you spit upon the other 364 days…

    Snork. My wife and daughter and I are all Pagans, and we still have a Yule Tree every year, and the kid got presents from Santa until we couldn’t fool her anymore.

    The celebrations of Christmas today in the Western world are far more Pagan than they are Christian. In fact, many fundies agree and refuse to participate.

    So nobody’s "spitting" on the humble carpenter and rabbi from Galilee, whom I do not hold accountable for the atrocities committed in his name by his modern deluded followers.

    Just remember who the Christians borrowed it all from in the first place, and have a Happy Saturnalia/Mithrasmas, everyone.

  35. 35.

    Indylib

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    So I got her a romantic Christmas card and wrote a note in it reminding her of our conversation and accompanied it with a CD with the song on it.
    She got me a nose hair trimmer.

    LOL
    My husband and I have often done this. One of us gets something romantic and the other something practical.
    This year we both went practical, I got him insulated coveralls, so he could stay warm and toasty while removing all the damnned snow from the driveway and he got me an enamel-coated cast iron casserole dish so I could cook him something hot and yummy to eat when he comes in from his battle with the Wisconsin winter.
    Damn, that’s some traditional gender roles for one long- time feminist liberal (me) and one newly converted "I’ll vote for the Democrats this time, cuz I hate the Republicans right now" semi-liberal.

  38. 38.

    OriGuy

    This year we both went practical, I got him insulated coveralls, so he could stay warm and toasty while removing all the damnned snow from the driveway and he got me an enamel-coated cast iron casserole dish so I could cook him something hot and yummy to eat when he comes in from his battle with the Wisconsin winter.

    Well, that’s better than selling your hair to buy him a watchchain, while he sells his watch to buy you jeweled combs.

  39. 39.

    Laura W

    @OriGuy: Good show. I was sitting here overthinking that whole plotline, trying to figure out how to weave it in.
    Resolution #2: Stop overthinking everything.

  44. 44.

    Evolved Deep Southerner

    A Christmas bitch here. Does anyone else here live in a quasi-dry county, where one can’t buy beer on Sunday or other "holy days" like Christmas?

    I have for the most part made my peace with the intrusions religion has made elsewhere in the public sphere. I’m willing to grandfather in "In God We Trust" on my money, the ditty they say before the Supreme Court convenes, etc., but damn. Give me a justification for legally prohibiting the sale of alcohol on a Sunday or Christmas that does not include "the Lord’s Day" or "Jesus’ birthday" and I’ll tell you you’re full of shit to your face.

    Seems like if the ACLU wanted to drum up some cheaply-won public support, they’d pick low-hanging fruit like this. The convenience store syndicate would be behind you, as would a legion of silent, thirsty folk who’ve secretly hated Blue Laws and the like their whole lives. Like me.

    Anyway. Merry Christmas.

  46. 46.

    Comrade Stuck

    @Evolved Deep Southerner:

    where one can’t buy beer on Sunday or other "holy days" like Christmas?

    Don’t live there anymore, but grew up in a county where everyday was Sunday or Christmas and was dry as the Mojave year round. Every one who imbibed got their spirits from drive around bootleggers who would sell a pint of Jim Beam or Southern Comfort to a thirsty Embryo if it had the money. Nothing like buying something from a toothless Hillbilly with a six shooter in one hand and your change in the other.

    The wingnut preachers were typical too, they fought tooth and nail against legal liquor sales while the bootleggers praised the Lord for the opportunity..

  47. 47.

    Ed Marshall

    The convenience store syndicate would be behind you

    Oddly enough you would wind up opposed by a coalition of the clergy and family liquor store owners who don’t want to see their day off gone. That’s how it works in those fights.

  49. 49.

    JasonF

    This is the best Christmas song ever. Peace on Earth and good will toward all men? Please. One night of peace with one person is such a more modest and reasonable goal.

  57. 57.

    Laura W

    @The Grand Panjandrum: Man, I used to know a straight man from TX who was totally GAY for that guy. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course.) I mean, really INTO him. Pretty much all we heard on the old message board was REK stuff.
    Brett? Is that you?

  60. 60.

    Tattoosydney

    @D-Chance.:

    Get used to it.

    Christmas is almost a secular/pagan festival again… Give it another 20 years of secularisation (like the 30 minute Shrek Christmas special my family watched last night, which didn’t mention god or Jebus once), and people will have forgotten what the "Christ" bit meant…

  62. 62.

    Laura W

    @Tattoosydney: Yeah, thanks…I couldn’t follow through and watch tonight anyway. ADHD in progress. Plus, I think I sort of exorcised similar components in myself by watching HBO’s "In Treatment", all episodes, most multiple times. Even I reach saturation point eventually with therapeutic stuff. (OMIGOD. "Intervention" last night…this woman who can’t swallow and only can get nourished through a feeding tube in her stomach for years! Now that’s entertainment! Yes, I’m a freak.)

    You might have seen this on an earlier thread, but in case not, be sure Pedro watches this. Leah has a starring role. Happy Happy to your and yours!

  66. 66.

    evap

    As it happens, I received a biography of Kirsty MacColl (written by her mother) for Christmas. She’s one of my all-time favorite singer/song-writers and died in a tragic accident about 8 years ago. (She’s the female in the video.)

    I also got two Obama mugs. Nice haul this year. :)

  68. 68.

    Zuzu's Petals

    @evap:

    I also got two Obama mugs. Nice haul this year. :)

    I guess I can finally retire my Buck Fush mug – a gift from Christmas past.

  69. 69.

    MarkusB

    I wish I had watched this sooner. One more shout out to Kirsty MacColl, dearly departed; one of my best favorites ever; soul sister (if I dare say), muse. Merry Christmas, Kirsty.

  70. 70.

    Comrade Darkness

    @Tattoosydney,
    Wait… *becoming* a Pagan holiday? Er, how about returning to being a Pagan holiday. Take Sol Invictus’s gift giving, throw in a dash of Celtic decorating with magical tokens of evergreens for the promise of spring (especially in natural energy-concentrating wreaths) and uh, what’d’ya got? The Winter Solstice… hey. Let’s drink to that.

    Don’t get me started on how old egg and rabbit symbolism is for that Pagan Vernal Equinox holiday.

  72. 72.

    Comrade Darkness

    @Laura W, quick advice. When dealing with new technology, pretend you are a five year old, meaning fearless about breaking the item… perhaps even hoping to break the item because cool sparks might come shooting out of it then. Kids learn fast on technology because they don’t care about doing it wrong fifty times before getting it right and perhaps getting yelled at. Cast your mind back to your younger more destructive and un-selfconscious self and give it a whirl. You’d be surprised.

  73. 73.

    Tattoosydney

    @Comrade Darkness:

    Er, how about returning to being a Pagan holiday.

    You are exactly right, although I did say:

    Christmas is almost a secular/pagan festival again…

    I’ll certainly drink to that, and in fact have been for the last 48 hours. Thanks are due to Pimms, Bollinger and the manufacturers of a particularly fine artisan made apple schnapps that my niece and nephew gave me.

    I’ve taught them well apparently.

  74. 74.

    Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse

    I saw Kirsty at the old El Mocambo in Toronto years ago and she was great, even though it was still obvious that she was still fighting stage fright.

    Nonetheless, I think this just may be the greatest Christmas song ever.

  75. 75.

    Comrade Darkness

    @Tattoosydney: Christmas is almost a secular/pagan festival again…

    I saw that just about the time the little counter ran out. Something about the drinking… puts the eyes out of kilter with the grey matter.

    I ran out of beer, so into the crappy vodka that freezer temp can’t even rescue, so I’m giving in. My liver deserves a present too, I suppose. It treats me well the rest of the year.

    Cheers!

  78. 78.

    Laura W

    @Comrade Darkness:

    Cast your mind back to your younger more destructive and un-selfconscious self

    which is pretty much the mindset I bring with me here, whenever I post shit.
    Point taken.
    Crackberry City, here I come!
    (You’re kind. Thanks.)

  81. 81.

    bago

    Dude, I totally missed the opportunity to make the hb joke. Anyways, at a bar right now that was playing a Christmas story while playing journey. I’m so hipster posting from my iPhone it hurts.

  84. 84.

    A la lanterne les aristos

    So Eartha dies on Xmas day and manages to steal the newscycle from baby jesus’ himself, classic.

    What a life that woman lived.

  86. 86.

    TenguPhule

    A Christmas Story is the greatest Christmas movie ever.

    Lies!

    Miracle on 34th streets remains the King.

  89. 89.

    Comrade Napoleon

    Merry Christmas to all.

    By the way, re: the movie A Christmas Story, the house from the film is located on the near west side of Cleveland and it has been redone like it was in the movie, right down to the leg lamp in the front window.

    I read this story about the writer of it the other day and I was not aware he had that interesting of a career. I always figured he was a nobody writer that happen to hit on one story.

    http://www.slate.com/id/2207058/

  90. 90.

    Studly Pantload

    @Comrade Napoleon:

    I always figured he was a nobody writer that happen to hit on one story.

    Aw, hell, no, Shepherd was no one-hit-wonder nobody, my friend. I had a first taste of his insightful genius when I, at 9, first saw the PBS airing of "Phantom of the Open Hearth," and became a lifelong fan when, a few years later, I found a copy of "Wanda Hickey’s Night of Golden Memories (and Other Disasters)" at a used book store. I think I’ve read every book of stories he published, and let me tell you, he was the real deal.

    That Slate story, though, bothers me. It reads like a hit job, and I don’t get the angle. Yes, I’d already read Shepherd, the man, had his foibles. BFD, we all do. Like the Steely Dan guy was the first burgeoning adolescent to put an artist on the pedestal only to have his dreams crashed when he found the actual person behind the art was subject to human frailty. I’ve heard worse tales, believe me. Shepherd’s wider legacy was a unique reading into the human psyche, especially under such daunting circumstances as the Great Depression, WWII, and the subsequent subordination of the individual to materialism in the boom years following the latter. I can’t recall any fiction writer (cartoons and screenplays not withstanding, but not necessarily surpassing) able to make me laugh and cry at the same time as often as Shepherd’s vignettes did.

    Ah, I’m cranky, right now. Forgive my screed. If ya likes a good yarn, get a copy of one of his short story collections, and we’ll call it good.

  91. 91.

    bargal20

    I also like the Monarch’s and Dr Girlfriend’s version of Fairytale of New York. You can still find the mp3 online if you google.

    I saw A Christmas Story in the theater in 1984. My big sister was going to take me to see Ghostbusters, but it was sold out for Friday night.

    She and her boyfriend moaned when I decided on a G-rated movie, but have been in love with A Christmas Story ever since. They finally replaced their worn-out VHS copy this year with a DVD.

  92. 92.

    Edmund Dantes

    @Evolved Deep Southerner: Interesting. You are willing to grandfather in a motto that was enacted 150 years into our 200+year history? Our original motto was better, and it made more sense. Unfortunately it would mean acknowledging that immigration, different people, or different lifestyles aren’t a bad thing.

    E Pluribus Unum

  93. 93.

    Duke of Earl

    @Tattoosydney:

    Person gets sick, House is grumpy, they misdiagnose, it turns out to be syphillis. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

    Not quite, they had smoked reefer grown in cadmium rich soil once and got cadmium poisoning.

    And the patient had to get treatment for marijuana addiction, I was wondering how much the ONDCP had paid for that episode to be produced.

  94. 94.

    Charity

    @Zuzu’s Petals: I totally feel you on this. If I were a college kid and could stay up till all hours, I probably would be much more techie and know all about CSS sheets and HTML programming. But I got a JOB and I have to get to work in the morning. If I can’t figure it out in 10 minutes, SCREW IT.

  95. 95.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    We now bring you your post-Christmas, OT rant:

    We were rattled out of bed around 7ish by helicopters swooping over head. WTF? Was there a 20 car multiple-fatality car wreck on the main road? Some sort of practice drill for the Inauguration?

    Nope. A water main broke a couple of streets over so the news channels went to DEFCON -2 and scrambled the jets. Of course, a water main break can be exciting but this one is to the water main break in Bethesda a few days ago what Rock Creek is to the Potomac. One block is awash, there’s cops parked on both ends of the H U G E E P I C nondisaster and because this is a college town, there are about 10 people in the entire city, so the chances of a blonde woman being rescued are about 0.

    But FOX news is still up there. Just in case. And I didn’t get a rocket launcher for Christmas. Assholes.

    /rant

  96. 96.

    Evolved Deep Southerner

    OK, Edmund, "In God We Trust" is bad, too, because we all don’t. "E Pluribus Unum" is better.

    All’s I was trying to say is that I’ve never understood why these laws prohibiting the sale of alcohol on Sunday or other Christian "holy days" have withstood the test of time. Seems like some merchant somewhere would have called bullshit and hired a lawyer. You are, after all, denying such merchants the opportunity to sell very profitable products for at least one day out of seven, and there is no non-religious rationale for such laws. It is out of "respect" for the dominant religion in areas where such laws are on the books.

    Now what does the First Amendment say again?

  97. 97.

    Comrade Darkness

    enamel-coated cast iron casserole dish

    Goddamn, I want one of those.

    All I got was a Mortgage Pig sweatshirt. ‘Course, I said that was all I wanted, but really did the SO have to believe me??

  99. 99.

    Edmund Dantes

    @Evolved Deep Southerner: Oh I agree on Blue Laws. Never understood them, and I hate them. I just always have to take a moment to print the truth about In God We Trust whenever I can since so many people have a false understanding of where it came from, and why it’s our motto now. Same thing with the Pledge of Allegiance.

    Not to mention He Who Shall Not be Named (to avoid restarting that whole argument) that is speaking at Inaugration assertion that Marriage has been the same structure for 5000+ years when it most assuredly isn’t. You have to keep the little lies from building to the point where they become the accepted narrative without comment.

    Part of the reason some merchant hasn’t called bullshit is the same reason you’ll never see any "respected" member of the community standing up for the rights of the local pornographer (even know they are a huge consumer of his wares).

    Same as true with Alcohol prohibition and how it lasted as long as it did even though every Tom, Dick, Harry, and Jane was drinking up a storm.

    You have to keep up appearances or lose your "good" standing.

  100. 100.

    Evolved Deep Southerner

    @Edmund Dantes: Not a thing there I can disagree with you on. It’s frustrating as hell, especially living in rural Georgia. I just bow my head when the subject of God comes up. I can even give a hell of a blessing when called upon. It just seems easier to get along that way where I live, though I realize that’s a cowardly attitude as I type those words.

  101. 101.

    mr. whipple

    that little leg lamp is only 12" tall! That isn’t a MAJOR AWARD! You deserve a MAJOR AWARD for your mind powers.

    Do yourself a favor and buy the big one and put it smack dab in the middle of your living room window. Mine brings a laugh to me every time I see it.

  103. 103.

    Comrade Darkness

    @Comrade Darkness: I live for and love my Le Creuset enamel-coated cast ironware. Best. Cookware. Evar.

    I clearly need a better Santa.

    You have to keep up appearances or lose your "good" standing.

    In downtown Atlanta one cold Sunday after just getting off a plane, we were pretty dry and wandering in hopes of finding an open liquor store. Finally asked a cabby for advice. He said, "Are you kidding, this is the Bible Belt!" Then after a beat, he added more thoughtfully, "And besides the Hotels and Barmen own the politicians. You have to go there on Sundays. But they’ll sell you a take-out bottle if you ask nicely."

    Right. Always glad to see that when politics and religion mix, religion gets taken to the woodshed and left for dead.

  106. 106.

    Phoenix Woman

    @AhabTRuler:
    LeCreuset is wonderful; I have a kettle I use for making stock, at which it excels. Yet aluminum cookware has its uses, especially when camping — it heats up right away and cools off right away, both of which come in handy.

  107. 107.

    Church Lady

    @Evolved Deep Southerner:

    If you want to see truly bizarre liquor laws, look no further than Lafayette County, Mississippi and it’s county seat, the city of Oxford.

    Beer is available cold in Oxford, but only if served for immediate consumption, which means only in restaurants and bars. Convenience stores can sell beer, but only unrefridgerated. Wine is also available in Oxford, but the laws are the same as beer – it can only be available chilled if sold for immediate consumption. Once you leave the Oxford city limits, beer and wine are illegal everywhere else in Lafayette County.

    Liquor is sold in both liquor stores (open until 11 p.m. Monday through Saturday) and in restaurants (until 12 p.m.) in Oxford, but not available in the rest of the county. Bars and restaurants have to literally cover the alcohol up on Sundays, which are dry as a bone.

    The campus of the University of Mississippi lies only partially within the Oxford city limits, so liquor laws vary depending on your location on the campus. You can legally drink beer and wine while tailgating outside the baseball field, but not in the Grove, where everyone tailgates for football games, because the Grove lies outside of the Oxford limits.

    Beat that for screwed up liquor laws dictated by the Baptists.

  108. 108.

    Cain

    @TenguPhule:

    Vhaaat??! NO, it’s Charlie Brown Christmas.. I’m not a big fan of the Christmas Story for some reason. I think it’s becuase my brother watched it all the time and drive me nuts.

    I did find the licking the street lamp funny and the leg lamp gag was good too.

    cain

  110. 110.

    Gus

    Does anyone else here live in a quasi-dry county, where one can’t buy beer on Sunday or other "holy days" like Christmas?

    Yeah, it’s called Minnesota. You can buy 3.2 beer, though. Because it takes you about 2 more beers to get drunk on 3.2. Makes no fucking sense at all, but that’s the way it is. At least you can now get Summit Extra Pale Ale in 3.2, and it’s pretty good. Until recently, liquor stores closed at 8 weeknights, too.

  111. 111.

    Comrade Napoleon

    @Studly Pantload:

    For what it is worth, Don Fagan, the guy who wrote that piece, is an odd bird with some strong opinions about things. I saw Steely Dan a couple of years ago and he did most or all of the show impersonating Ray Charles. I went on line the next day and there were some columns from him he had written on how Charles was not appeciated, or something to that effect.

  112. 112.

    OriGuy

    @Evolved Deep Southerner: Here’s a benediction for all occasions. Zelazny’s Agnostic’s Prayer from Creatures of Light and Darkness:
    Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen.

  113. 113.

    Evolved Deep Southerner

    @OriGuy: I will say that at the next occasion where I’m asked to say the blessing, OriGuy. I’ll let you know how it goes over. I’d imagine most everyone in the room, upon those occasions, will listen, get lost in the middle, say "Amen" enthusiastically when it’s finally over, and jostle for position in the food line.

  114. 114.

    psycholinguist

    got to disagree. best christmas song is christmas in Prison by john prine.

    "it was christmas, in prison, and the food was real good,
    we had turkey and pistols, carved out of wood…."

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