Personally, I will be rooting for the Eagles and the Dolphins.
And this is a football thread. Keep that in mind, as you will have to find another thread to attack the weight of my cat.
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Come for the politics, stay for the snark.
Impressively dumb. Congratulations.
Don’t expect peaches from an apple tree.
Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard
Hot air and ill-informed banter
Their freedom requires your slavery.
They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.
Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.
T R E 4 5 O N
Technically true, but collectively nonsense
Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.
That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.
I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.
Meanwhile over at truth Social, the former president is busy confessing to crimes.
Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.
Accountability, motherfuckers.
Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.
When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.
We are aware of all internet traditions.
When do the post office & the dmv weigh in on the wuhan virus?
You can’t love your country only when you win.
Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.
Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?
Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.
The words do not have to be perfect.
Laura W
Spoil Sport.
Ludovico
Steelers 17 Giants 13
Tymannosourus
My Vikings are poised to crush my spirits once again. Go VIKES!!!
GuyFromOhio
Chargers put the Colts out to pasture, so whoever wins now can have it. But it would be extremely cool to see the Fish go from stinky-horrid last season to advance in the wild card this season.
Knowing it’s statistically possible gives hope for the Browns new GM and coach.
oh really
Pick on the weight of your cat? No way. Especially since I thought I saw Tunch playing offensive tackle for the Dolphins.
passerby
The Eagles were fantastic last week against the cowboys–schadenfreude international!. I predict they will cream the Vikings (Sorry Tymannosourus).
I’m torn between pulling for Flacco and the Ravens vs the turnaround Dolphins team. Either way I hope we get some good football today.
Karen
We need good football today because there wasn’t any last night. Maybe the fish can pull it off. That I’d like to see.
Tymannosourus
@passerby:
I’m hoping that last week was an anamoly, since the week before that, the eagles couldn’t even score an offensive touchdown. We shall see.
Hopefully, Adrian Peterson (a.k.a. The Purple Jesus) can hang on to the ball and churn out 150+.
Crusty Dem
My game late game prediction:
Philadelphia – Tunch’s weight (in lbs)
Minnesota – 17
Some might question whether Philadelphia’s offense can have that kind of success two weeks in a row. I say yes.
kommrade reproductive vigor
So, no comparing Tunch to a football.
Or a linebacker.
Got it.
Jon Gallagher
Gotta pull for a reprise of the greatest playoff game ever played: Chargers/Dophins 1981. Kellen Winslow scoring the final points of regulation to tie, slapping down the sudden death field goal (after being prostate on the bench on 02 minutes before) then catching the winning TD. Not to mention the flea flicker/hook and ladder at the end of the 1st half.
And since the Browns are not in the playoffs, no Ice Bowl the next week.
fledermaus
I’m staying away from predictions as they never go well for me. But go Vikes!!!!!
Ski-u-mah!
demkat620
So no commenting on the resemblance between the Iggles O- Line and Tunch. They are both just fluffy. Also.
Dan
I read it fast and thought you said that we will have to find another thread to attack the weight of your CAR.
That’s Atrios’ job.
Joe
here’s hoping the eagles last longer in the playoffs than bill richardson as commerce secretary’s nomination
elmo
John Gallagher:
The Ice Bowl in 81 was against the Bengals, not the Browns. But yeah, that Miami divisional playoff was a game for the ages. I couldn’t stay in the room, I had to go sit in the kitchen and my family called out the play-by-play for me. I couldn’t stand watching anymore.
I was 13.
And I can’t decide whether I should root for my beloved Chargers to go to Pittsburgh for a reprise of the 1994 AFC Championship Game, or whether I should root for them to come here to Tennessee so I can put on my powder blues and root for them at my local sports bar. Here in East TN nobody cares about the Titans anyway, it’s all about the Vols.
Jon Gallagher
Oops, sorry about the Browns/Bengals thing.
Esp. since it led to the Forty-Niner’s first Super Bowl win. What a playoff season that was. Chargers-Dophins, then The Catch (Niners-Cowboys).
elmo: A San Diegan in East Tennessee? Wow.
elmo
Jon: Yep. By way of the Sierra, too.
Beautiful country out here, and land is unbelievably cheap. But I do miss the Pacific, and I miss my mountains very badly indeed.
I’m watching the Balmer-Miami game, and it looks very much like next week is going to be the 1994 AFC Championship redux, because Miami has apparently forgotten how to play. Or Chad Pennington has gone colorblind. Or something.
Oh well. Doesn’t matter, right? Go Chargers either way.
passerby
Elmo, since I’m a transplant here in E. TN from an NFL city (New Orleans) I’ve been bewildered by the lack of interest in pro football. Don’t get me wrong, the SEC (best college football on the planet BTW) rivalries are alive and well here but I’ve only seen one or two vehicles w/ Titan decals and no jerseys at all.
I’d have thought the huge winning streak the Titan’s put together this year would light fire to fans and maybe it has but I haven’t seen evidence of it down here in Chatt.
Can’t help but wonder what the impact of being raised in a city with an NFL team has had on the various levels of rabidness where fans are concerned.
Bemused.
and Go Titans!
GuyFromOhio
@karen:
Begging your pardon, but any day the Colts get put back in the barn is just right dandy.
On an unrelated note, the Magic Beer Gnome left a bottle of Newcastle Brown cunningly hidden behind the leftover makhani, making this a tasty half-time.
Hang in there, Dolphins.
Sebastien
Would there be a place where this French noob could get an easy introduction to baseball’s and football’s (yours, of course) rules ? I tried the leagues’ official sites but the reading felt as dry as my clients’ technical requests.
And I’m getting a bit tired of reading US news and having to skim over the sports page as if it’s written in klingon (except for universal matters like T.O.’s latest blowoff. Condolences to Cowboys fans but really, can’t you put him in a skirt ? This guy belongs to the cheerleaders team.)
elmo
Passerby, I dongeddit either. And try as I might, I can’t seem to make myself care about college football, even though I’m positively rabid about my Chargers. From late August to January, I live and die with the Chargers — their fortunes determine my mood all Sunday afternoon and Monday morning. Volunteers? Meh.
So if the Fins somehow manage to pull out a miracle, you and I will be bitter enemies this time next week. :-)
pbfishtaco
Is Tunch bigger than Darren Sproles?
Frank Sobotka
@Sebastien:
You need to watch a game with someone who knows the rules and just question them as they come up. I’ve tried for years to teach myself cricket, and I’m still basically on step 1. Rugby and Aussie rules, fortunately, were more intuitive.
But I’ll try basics.
Baseball: There are four bases. There is a defensive team with 9 players. One of those players is a pitcher, who throws the ball at you. He is trying to get you to make an out anyway he can. After three outs made, you switch sides. You are trying to get the ball to land somewhere between a defender. If you do that, you run and advance as far as you can on any of those bases. If you reach home base (either by hitting a ball over the wall, or by having one of your other teammates get a hit), that counts as a run. Alternate and repeat for nine innings.
Football: Offensive team has four chances ("downs") to move the ball ten yards. If the ball is successfully moved ten yards, through any combination of running or passing, you get a new set of four downs to repeat. The ultimate goal is to reach the endzone for six points. If you are close to the endzone but can’t quite get the touchdown, you can also try to kick a field goal between the yellow uprights for three points. Alternate and repeat for 60 minutes.
Ed in NJ
Sebastien-
These might help:
How Stuff Works-Football
How Stuff Works-Baseball
As for the games today-
Baltimore and Ray Rice over Miami and Nate Jones
Minnesota over Philly and LJ Smith
I’m a diehard Rutgers guy, but even that can’t make me root for the Iggles. Plus, if they win, they’d be a tougher out than Arizona for the Giants next week.
Tim F.
That Baltimore pick was f*cking cruel.
Adolphus
Go Ravens
Go Gators
Adolphus
I’m confused. 1996 was the Ravens first season, no?
Frank Sobotka
Looks like Chad Pennington is in the process of nursing a shoulder injury. It was only a matter of time. He’s already prepping to miss most of next season.
Bootlegger
After leaving Auburn, AL we’re putting down roots in the Bluegraass midway between the Bengals and the Titans. Since the SEC is the most overrated league in college football and the Bengals suck, I’m now officially on the Titan bandwagon, which apparently has plenty of room.
Can Pennington choke any harder on his Fish Sticks?
elmo
Sebastien, let me give it a quick shot, and hopefully others will chime in with important things I’ve missed.
Two teams of 11 men each. The object is to transport the ball into the "end zone," or, if you can’t manage that, to kick the ball through the two parallel vertical poles that are mounted at the back of the end zone.
To start the game, the ball is kicked by one team to the other team, who designates one man to catch it and run as far as he can before he’s tackled. Other players on the runner’s team are allowed to push the kicking team’s players away from the runner, but they must not grab hold.
The runner advances the ball as far as he can, and that is the new spot of the ball, called the "line of scrimmage." The team with the ball is allowed four attempts to advance the ball ten yards. Each attempt creates a new "line of scrimmage," and that’s where the next attempt is made from — so they don’t have to get all ten yards in one try, they can do it piecemeal. Each try is called a "down" — hence first down, second down, etc.
If they can do that, then they get four more attempts, and so on down the field.
Advancing the ball can be done by running it or throwing it. If it is thrown, it must be thrown from behind the line of scrimmage. No advancing the ball by running it and THEN throwing it.
The team with the ball is the offense; the team trying to stop them is the defense.
Again, as with the kickoff, other players on the offense can block and push the opposing players, but must not grab them.
Meanwhile, the opposing team tries to tackle the ball carrier. Since throwing the ball is an option, some of the players will be running downfield in case of a pass. These players, both offense and defense, are not allowed to grab or push each other to jockey for position as the ball is being thrown. That’s pass interference, a penalty. (The defenders can push the receivers within five yards of the line of scrimmage, in order to disrupt their timing, but they can’t do it beyond that.)
If the offense makes it at least ten yards from the original line of scrimmage, then the "downs" are reset, and it’s "first down" again. Now they get four more tries to get ten yards again. In this way, they can go all the way down the field and score.
However, if they go three attempts (downs) and don’t manage to get ten yards, then they have the option to use their fourth down to drop-kick the ball away to the other team. This is desirable because it’s a good way to keep the other team as far downfield as possible, instead of giving them the ball close to their own end zone. Otherwise, if they try to finish the ten yards on the fourth down and fail, the other team gets the ball right there.
Does this help?
elmo
Adolphus, I’m sorry — that was a reference to the 1994 AFC Championship Game between my beloved Chargers and the Pittsburgh Steelers. If Balmer wins, San Diego goes to Pittsburgh next week.
Face
Michelle Malkin is also a huge NFL fan. I think she’s a fan of the Code Browns. Whoops, I mean Cleveland.
Sebastien
Thanks a lot, Frank, Ed and Elmo (and others who may chime in before I post)!
Finding someone to comment won’t be easy in my little back of the wood (given the ferocious arguments on the sideline, I’d say people there barely know OUR football’s rules), but I’ll try to follow games via the Net. Anyone get tips about teams to follow/love/hate ? (flamewar on ! :p)
Bootlegger
The Dolphins are a good story because they were so terrible last year (think Hoffenheim in the Bundesliga). The Cardinals are another team with a half century of futility that would be fun to see make a run in the knock-out phase. Our host is an Ultra for the Stillers (Steelers) so mind your manners there. The Titans have no fans. The Giants and Steelers are the favorites.
Punchy
Heart’s hopin the Vikes get waxed. Wallet just want a lot of points. Another game, another war between the bank account and my dislike of non-Bears teams.
Ed in NJ
All the cool kids root for the Giants and against the Cowboys. Don’t believe anyone who says otherwise.
Just Some Fuckhead
Yay Ravens.
Now you can root for ’em to beat Tennessee so you can host the AFC Championship in Pittsburgh.
GuyFromOhio
@Face:
Cats in a frickin’ handbag, that’s almost enough to turn a body into a Stillers fan. Or an NHL fan.
passerby
The Chargers had a hard fought win last night knocking Indy out, but they’re in for a world of trouble when they travel to Pitt next week.
If LT thinks he was hurt before, something tells me the Stillers D will show him what hurt is all about.
ChrisB
@Sebastien: Sebastien, Ed is right (full disclosure, I’m from New Jersey too). But everyone really does hate the Cowboys, and deservedly so, except maybe George W. Bush and Dick Cheney.
To answer your earlier question, children’s books and video games like Backyard Baseball or Backyard Football are another good way to learn baseball and football fundamentals.
Sebastien
Chris B, if Cheney and Bush like the Cowboys, isn’t it enough a reason to hate them ? At this point, T.O. becomes an afterthought (guess he’d hate that…).
Books about foreign sports aren’t common by our shores, but games may be possible to get, at least the ubiquitous Madden Football. If I manage to watch a game without having to down aspirin, perhaps I’ll try to find it.
passerby
Me? I’m LSU/Saints (and not in that order). But the Saints are one of the few, if not the only, teams to never have made it past the first weekend of postseason. Decades of disappointment there.
We’ve never gone to the Superbowl much less won it. Oy.
I’ve been following Charger football since 2006 because Saints QB Brees came off their bench and LT/Rivers were hot hot hot. Too bad about the Schottenheimer debacle. Looks like that threw SD for a loop last (2007) season.
In any event, this year’s Superbowl I’d be happy to see Carolina or Arizona vs SD or Balmor
robertdsc
Watching Peyton Manning get called mediocre by John Madden was good enough for me.
ChrisB
@Sebastien:
Precisely. I’m not above a little propaganda when it comes to hating the Cowboys.
As an aside, I spent several months in India a number of years ago and am proud that by the time I left there were several dozen New York Mets baseball fans in New Delhi.
Comrade Glocksman
"My game late game prediction:
Philadelphia – Tunch’s weight (in lbs)
Minnesota – 17"
Given the way Andy Reid playcalls in a crunch, the Iggles will score Tunch’s weight in kilograms and lose by 2 points.
Added: since the goddamn blockquote tags don’t seem to work properly, I’m using old fashioned quotation marks.
Andy K
I don’t think LT will see enough action to get dinged by the Stillers. Could anything possibly hurt more than a detached groin-muscle tendon? No injury in that general area can feel anything but horrible.
Chargers could sneak up on the Stillers in this one. SD has been playing great defense since Rivera got bumped up to coordinator. If Rivera’s still with them next year- and Shawne Merriman is healthy- they’ll win the Super Bowl.
elmo
Passerby, forgive my poor reading comprehension. :) you did say you were a transplant in E. Tn from NO, I just spaced it.
Since Drew Brees went to NO, they’ve been my NFC team to root for, because Drew is a class act and I didn’t like the way his situation was handled in SD. I loved loved loved his run at Marino’s record this year.
dbrown
Sorry for the Miami fans but the Phin’s (please, only fish have fins!) were not ready for this level of play – the Ravens have played all the top teams, and while they lost to the very best during the regular schedule, each and everyone of those games either went to the last seconds or over time (or a blown call but that is football.) Playing a soft schedule makes for a good record (Miami) but poor chances in the play-offs. Ravens play smash-mouth and (at times, meaner than I think they need) hard football and that is what the Dolphins need, not the stupid dumb-ass (aka wild cat) formation. College football will not win play-offs.
2liberal
yay cardinals ! YEsssss….
Now – go Eagles – we want you guys to win out so we get another home game…
passerby
@elmo:
Yet failed on the last pass of the last game of the season. And the disappointment train rolls on. Oy.
But Drew Brees IS a class act. A great team player and sportsman.
Bootlegger
@ChrisB: Um, I’m a Cowboys fan. I grew up there in the 70’s when they were the Good Guys, before they were bought by the soulless Evil One, Jerry Jones. Tom Landry was a class act and gave us the "flex" or multi-position defense that is the base defense these days. I once shared a seat with Roger Staubach at a Dallas Tornado game (versus Pele and the Cosmos) when my dad won a contest to sit on their bench. I went to the bathroom, came back and The Dodger was sitting in my seat waiting to play a halftime exhibition game. He noticed me, apologized for taking my seat, scooted over and asked me to sit with him. I know the Cowboys of today are hated, and deservedly so, but my Cowboy love transcends Pure Evil.
passerby
You make a good point here bootlegger. The years of Jimmy Johnson (good people) and his "how bout dem cowboys!" were sterling.
Jerry Jones. My gut tells me he’s an asshole. I’m not a fan of assholes. I had hope when they brought in a nice, talented man like Wade Phillips (son of former Saints Coach Bum Phillips–good people), but, Jones’ involvement can, if you”ll pardon the expression, fuck up a wet dream…evidently.
Bootlegger
@passerby: True that. Although Johnson, IMO, started the taint by letting the Thugs and Felons do their thing. The story of the "White House", a monster party house they bought in Plano (my home world) for Irvin and his crowd to raise the roof has enough felonies to make Cheney blush.
ChrisB
@Bootlegger: Just my luck, my inflammatory words found a likeable and apparently reasonable Cowboys fan. Not what I was expecting.
Cool story about Roger Staubach, though.
The Dallas Tornado makes me think of Kyle Rote Jr., who won ABC’s Superstars competition a couple of times. Those were the days.
passerby
@Bootlegger:
Yeah. I’m guessing that was a sign of the times. Out of control, nouveaux riche men who caved into base desires. Jimmeh didn’t have control over prevailing social trends. Anyone in charge of big, fat, Dallas Cowboys (and their legacy) would have to turn a blind eye to their off field antics.
But things have swung back the other way wrt sports man ship. No?
burnspbesq
Great, a football thread.
Can I just say how pissed off I am that Fox didn’t pick up the Nottingham Forest – Manchester City match yesterday?
Oops. Sorry. I thought you were talking about real football.
passerby
@burnspbesq:
Now now, burnspbesq.
ChrisB
@burnspbesq: Hey, we were talking about real football. Didn’t you see the reference to Pele and the New York Cosmos?
Laura W
@Crusty Dem:
I am very impressed with your psychic abilities and would like to subscribe to your hotline.
Adolphus
Concerning the Ravens and Dolphins on CBS.
Did anyone else have problems with the feed?
At times it was like watching Youtube on dialup.
dr. bloor
I’m guessing you’ve never read "North Dallas Forty."
Bootlegger
@dr. bloor: Um, that was fiction. But my point isn’t that the Cowboys before Johnson were saints and thugs after, but rather that beginning with Jones and Johnson they flaunted it by indulging the worse aspects of the untouchable jock who gets away with any kind of behavior because they can play football–the kind played with the hands though some of the lads in the EPL could party our guys under the table.
Bootlegger
@ChrisB: Shit, we’re dating ourselves bro, I remember watching that.
Andy K
Well, you can, but I don’t see why you would.
Let me guess- they showed Chelsea-Southend (HA!) and/or Preston-Liverpool, right? Matches featuring teams that have a bit of a following in the US?
burnspbesq
@ChrisB:
I was at Pele’s first home match with the Cosmos, at the old stadium on Randall’s Island.
burnspbesq
@Andy K:
Much worse – they showed Forest Green – Derby. They love to show matches where non-League sides have a chance to spring the big upset.
dr. bloor
@Bootlegger:
Um, that was a semiautobiographical novel, the content of which has never been seriously disputed. There’s nothing new under the sun, except maybe the degree of media attention it draws.
Bootlegger
@dr. bloor: And the permissiveness of the owner and coaches. Also note the "semi" in "autobiographical" and the listing under "fiction". Look, I’m not saying that shit didn’t happen, I’m saying that it wasn’t tolerated out in the open the way the book/movie suggested. Today, of course, its a different story with the Felons and the Drama Queens.
@burnspbesq: I like watching those cinderella matches, with only 5000 fans in stadiums smaller than most high schools. Good stuff. There has not been enough of Fulham shown this year with the hottest Yank in European soccer, Clint Dempsey, helping them to the top of the table.
burnspbesq
@Bootlegger:
Fixed.
Crusty Dem
Thanks Laura W, I’m pretty proud that I called it (or would have if the miserable Vikes had just managed a lousy field goal in the 2nd half). Future playoff predictions will be available at:
http://www.obesecatnflpsychic.com/catosaurus/index.html
or try my phone hotline at:
1-900-2tontunch
You will receive a $0.95/min charge, and I will be speaking veerrrrryyyy slllloooooooooowwwllllyyy..
Crusty Dem
Damn, it thought my joke URL was real. Curse you comment editor for being smarter than meeee!!!!
bootlegger
@burnspbesq: Oh so cynical! They are 9th with a game in hand and a wonderful draw against Chelsea. A few breaks could have them competing for a spot in Europe next year. (yeah, yeah, I know, choke-choke).