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You are here: Home / Balloon Juice / First Posts / Consider this your slap in the face

Consider this your slap in the face

by DougJ|  January 6, 200912:22 am| 65 Comments

This post is in: First Posts, Blogospheric Navel-Gazing, General Stupidity

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Yes, I’m the new poster John alluded to earlier.  I’d like to thank the Lord Jesus Christ.  Without Him, none of this is possible.

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Previous Post: « And the Winner Is
Next Post: To Russia with love »

Reader Interactions

65Comments

  1. 1.

    tomjones

    January 6, 2009 at 12:27 am

    Can we get Dug jay instead?

  2. 2.

    DougJ

    January 6, 2009 at 12:29 am

    Can we get Dug jay instead?

    John’s original choice was birdzilla. But there were questions about his ties to Rod Blagojevich.

  3. 3.

    TenguPhule

    January 6, 2009 at 12:29 am

    Ahahahahaha!

    I called it!

  4. 4.

    Ninerdave

    January 6, 2009 at 12:31 am

    Damn, I was hoping for Darrell.

  5. 5.

    bago

    January 6, 2009 at 12:33 am

    Sentences you never thought you would ever say:
    I’m talking about Blagojevich’s taint.

  6. 6.

    tripletee

    January 6, 2009 at 12:33 am

    I guess if I have to take a slap in the face, I’d rather it came from DougJ than Jeff Goldstein.

  7. 7.

    Warren Terra

    January 6, 2009 at 12:36 am

    The great thing is that with the mobile-optimized browser version of Balloon Juice the poster isn’t identified, so for all I know the new front pager is Dug Jay.

  8. 8.

    carpeicthus

    January 6, 2009 at 12:37 am

    Oh, happy day.

  9. 9.

    srv

    January 6, 2009 at 12:38 am

    John! Point of Order! I demand a quorum of the Juicerati!

    You cannot not let DougJ have access to the IP logs. That will destroy all the fun and prevent us from seeking our long justified vengence upon him.

  10. 10.

    Jeff

    January 6, 2009 at 12:40 am

    Just goes to prove that John is aware of all internet traditions.

  11. 11.

    neal peart

    January 6, 2009 at 12:53 am

    This is a sign of the Acopalypse.

  12. 12.

    Delia

    January 6, 2009 at 12:56 am

    Can we get our own logo now? For when we go to do battle against RedState Strike Force with DougJ as Teh Awesomest Captain?

  13. 13.

    The Moar You Know

    January 6, 2009 at 12:59 am

    Yes, I agree with Delia. We need our own unit patch. With a reference to "the inmates now run the asylum".

    I am somewhat disappointed it wasn’t Brick Oven Bill. That would have been epic trolling of your own blog.

  14. 14.

    cd6

    January 6, 2009 at 1:03 am

    I assume DougJ only got the job because Stormy turned it down.

  15. 15.

    Xenos

    January 6, 2009 at 1:03 am

    @The Moar You Know: I would suggest the motto from an old rugby team of mine: Nihil in Moderato.

  16. 16.

    TheHatOnMyCat

    January 6, 2009 at 1:08 am

    You said the same thing I did: Jesus!

    But my yardman, Jesus, was nonplussed.

    Congrats DougJ. Just remember the little people you crushed under your heel on the way up.

  17. 17.

    robertdsc

    January 6, 2009 at 1:09 am

    I’d like to thank Tunch. Without Him, none of this is possible.

    Fixed. Welcome aboard.

  18. 18.

    Cain

    January 6, 2009 at 1:14 am

    @robertdsc:

    I’d like to thank Tunch. Without Him, none of this is possible.

    Fixed. Welcome aboard.

    He’s fat enough that a capital H is warranted! :)

    cain

  19. 19.

    TheHatOnMyCat

    January 6, 2009 at 1:14 am

    Stormy turned it down.

    Nah, she’s busy right now, "lighting up Palestine."

    I knew her approach would prevail sooner or later.

  20. 20.

    slag

    January 6, 2009 at 1:33 am

    I certainly hope John ran this new poster pick by Diane Feinstein first.

  21. 21.

    Church Lady

    January 6, 2009 at 1:35 am

    "I’d like to thank the Lord Jesus Christ. Without him, none of this is possible."

    I watched the game. Were you that short guy that scored the winning touchdown?

  22. 22.

    passerby

    January 6, 2009 at 1:43 am

    Consider this your slap in the face

    Why thank you sir may I have another.

    (Good on you DougJ)

  23. 23.

    Mr Furious

    January 6, 2009 at 1:50 am

    Don’t get too excited…it’ll only be a few weeks before DougJ has to recuse himself because of a grand jury investigation.

  24. 24.

    SGEW

    January 6, 2009 at 1:55 am

    I smell trouble.

  25. 25.

    southpaw

    January 6, 2009 at 1:57 am

    I was not informed about the selection of DougJ to be a Balloon Juice front pager. I know nothing about this, other than what I’ve read. My position has consistently been that I believe the Juice is best served by having a face-slapping professional in charge at this time.

  26. 26.

    jc

    January 6, 2009 at 1:59 am

    DougJ? DougJ??

    Damn, DougJ, I haven’t seen you since our time hanging out with all the haji’s – you still pissing on every stray cat you meet?

  27. 27.

    jc

    January 6, 2009 at 2:03 am

    Also, of course you know, this now means that the snark dial is turned up to 11 on this blog.

  28. 28.

    Ninerdave

    January 6, 2009 at 2:22 am

    @jc:

    Also, of course you know, this now means that the snark dial is turned up to 11 on this blog.

    What’s snark?

  29. 29.

    Pooh

    January 6, 2009 at 2:51 am

    So does this mean that we are all front pagers now?

  30. 30.

    BlizzardOfOz

    January 6, 2009 at 3:01 am

    A Jesus joke… well played sir. Fish in a barrel.

  31. 31.

    TheAssInTheHatOnMyCat(Formerly Comrade Tax Analyst)

    January 6, 2009 at 3:05 am

    SGEW
    I smell trouble.

    Er…I don’t think that’s really "trouble", better check the bottoms of your shoes.

  32. 32.

    TheAssInTheHatOnMyCat(Formerly Comrade Tax Analyst)

    January 6, 2009 at 3:11 am

    "Moderation"? We don’t need no stinkin’ moderation. All I was talking about was "shoes", with an allusion to stuff that sometimes gets stuck to the bottom of them.

    But "whatever"…

    OH…yeah, uh…Congratulations, DougJ. I’m totally sure you won’t disappoint us. I was pulling for you all the way, bro’…at least I think that it was "for you" that I was pulling, but now that I think about it, it actually it coulda been something quite different. I do remember, however, that I was pulling on something.

  33. 33.

    Conservatively Liberal

    January 6, 2009 at 4:36 am

    I’d like to thank the Lord Jesus Christ.

    Well I’d like to fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.

    Man, this is a bummer. Having the Professor of Spoof headlining is going to make it difficult for him to reel the suckers entertainment in. Maybe pull off a spoof headliner periodically to see how many enraged lefties and engorged righties you can suck in?

    You owe us d00d. Perform! ;)

    Congrats! :)

  34. 34.

    DougJ

    January 6, 2009 at 5:14 am

    I watched the game. Were you that short guy that scored the winning touchdown?

    Funny. I was watching that guy talk as I wrote this post. Were you as impressed as I was by the Zep medley the band played at halftime?

  35. 35.

    demkat620

    January 6, 2009 at 5:20 am

    An inspired choice, John.

    I for one, welcome our new snarky overlord.

  36. 36.

    AnderJ

    January 6, 2009 at 5:42 am

    All your bases are belong to DougJ.

    He’s like family to me.

    AnderJ

  37. 37.

    jon

    January 6, 2009 at 6:15 am

    DougJ,

    You suck! You’re a fascist, communist, terrorist-sympathizing, idiot, moron, Cro-Magnum P.I. wannabe, know-it-all, asshole, baby-killer, Peak Oil believing, American consumerist Earth killing, non-Ron Paul believer who really needs to embrace the wisdom of neti pots!

    Just wanted to get that out of the way. Oh yeah, "Welcome!"

  38. 38.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    January 6, 2009 at 7:03 am

    What does PUMA have to say about this?

  39. 39.

    Scruffy McSnufflepuss

    January 6, 2009 at 7:32 am

    YES! Victory! It’s taken us almost 4 years and countless hours of sacrifice, but we’ve finally managed to take over the asylum.

    Spoofers everywhere, rejoice!

  40. 40.

    Krista

    January 6, 2009 at 7:33 am

    Yay for DougJ! Congrats buddy…and like Herb says, don’t forget the little people on your rise to glory and fame.

  41. 41.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    January 6, 2009 at 7:41 am

    Just when I thought John Cole couldn’t get any dumber, he goes and does something like this… and totally redeems himself!

  42. 42.

    sparky

    January 6, 2009 at 7:47 am

    ow! i mean alsome! also.
    i can haz bus, pleeze?

  43. 43.

    D-Chance.

    January 6, 2009 at 8:50 am

    Oh, great… another pee-on.

    Did you learn nothing from the Michael D fiasco, Cole? Just because a poster comes up with a good gay joke doesn’t make him qualified to be a co-blogger? Or did this Doug do a Riverdance for you to "earn" the gig?

  44. 44.

    Shinobi

    January 6, 2009 at 9:42 am

    Now that you have sold out, we all look forward to the inevitable decline in the quality of your work.

  45. 45.

    demimondian

    January 6, 2009 at 9:45 am

    @Shinobi: He’s got a long way to fall before he descends to the level of us mere mortals.

  46. 46.

    canuckistani

    January 6, 2009 at 10:24 am

    It’s more than a Slap In The Face, it’s a Kick In The Junk to all the Darrells of the Right.

  47. 47.

    ricky

    January 6, 2009 at 10:35 am

    Doug J, as a Texas ex and one time Souzaphone player, I cannot tell you how much I appreciated hearing Stairway to Heaven played by the Longhorn Band. I first listened to that tune in a high rise across from the campus my freshman year aided by substances which allowed me to see the Tower melt and puddle into Guadalupe St. Back then all the Longhorn Band played was March Grandioso, but the team ran the Wishbone and had a running game.

  48. 48.

    Evinfuilt

    January 6, 2009 at 11:20 am

    Awesome selection.

  49. 49.

    Xanthippas

    January 6, 2009 at 11:23 am

    I don’t know why, but the pseudonym "DougJ" always makes me think of this.

  50. 50.

    Church Lady

    January 6, 2009 at 11:24 am

    @DougJ:

    Just as I turned to my husband and said "Cool, the Texas band is playing Stairway to Heaven," our local Fox affiliate cut to commercial. Bastards.

  51. 51.

    lovethebomb

    January 6, 2009 at 11:33 am

    @ricky:
    Hey another UT alum. I too saw many things dissolve on Guadalupe St back in the 80’s due to little squares of paper the street people sold for 5$. Never saw the Tower melt, but did see a lot of things in Capn Quackenbush. Lived on 26th about the time Linklater was doing Slacker. But I am way OT. The police ran all the street people out of town about the year I left in 89. Effin fascists.

  52. 52.

    Shinobi

    January 6, 2009 at 11:34 am

    He’s got a long way to fall before he descends to the level of us mere mortals.

    Way to suck up to "the man."

  53. 53.

    YellowJournalism

    January 6, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Holy shit.

  54. 54.

    demimondian

    January 6, 2009 at 11:50 am

    @Shinobi: Dude, when you look in the dictionary, it’s my face next to "sell out".

  55. 55.

    Surabaya Stew

    January 6, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    Hey DougJ, I’m looking forward to your postings; now go and make us Balloons proud!

  56. 56.

    Cyrus

    January 6, 2009 at 12:52 pm

    @D-Chance.:

    Did you learn nothing from the Michael D fiasco, Cole? Just because a poster comes up with a good gay joke doesn’t make him qualified to be a co-blogger? Or did this Doug do a Riverdance for you to "earn" the gig?

    Is this snark, or are you new here?

    Also, I realize that telling us this would defeat the purpose, but I have to wonder if DougJ will always, sometimes or never post in character.

  57. 57.

    bootlegger

    January 6, 2009 at 12:53 pm

    @lovethebomb: We took occasional road trips down from Tech to search for the small squares or a wonderful little dissolving confection under the apt name "windowpane" or these wee bits of "purple microdot". Never saw anything dissolve, though I did have the Capital Dome drop on my head and we gave the Christian Scientists a good scare.

  58. 58.

    passerby

    January 6, 2009 at 1:00 pm

    @southpaw:

    I was not informed about the selection of DougJ to be a Balloon Juice front pager. I know nothing about this, other than what I’ve read. My position has consistently been that I believe the Juice is best served by having a face-slapping professional in charge at this time.

    Nice play southpaw.

  59. 59.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    January 6, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    Congrats DougJ. Don’t forget to capitalize the important words in your post titles. In this one, this, slap and face should probably have been capitalized.

  60. 60.

    sidereal

    January 6, 2009 at 2:14 pm

    I’ve never been faceslapped in such detail or with such care

  61. 61.

    MNPundit

    January 6, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    Hi, who the fuck are you?

    Also, for the first few weeks it was convenient to call Michael D a self-loathing gay. Do you have some sort of derogatory moniker I can employ until you prove yourself to me?

  62. 62.

    bootlegger

    January 6, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    @MNPundit: Something involving whoopie cushions and zoo animals perhaps?

  63. 63.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    January 6, 2009 at 7:07 pm

    Congrats DougJ on your beneficial relationship with Christ. Don’t forget to capitalize the important words in your post titles. Also.

  64. 64.

    binzinerator

    January 6, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    So, JugDay, this means you no longer have a real job now, amirite?

  65. 65.

    whatsleft

    January 7, 2009 at 8:23 pm

    Heh – is it DougJ or someone pretending to be DougJ?

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