Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

T R E 4 5 O N

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

He really is that stupid.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

Republicans in disarray!

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

Joe Lieberman disappointingly reemerged to remind us that he’s still alive.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

Come on, man.

Spilling the end game before they can coat it in frankl luntz-approved dogwhistles.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

People are complicated. Love is not.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Republicans don’t trust women.

You are here: Home / Sports / I May Regret This

I May Regret This

by | 77 Comments

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I know full well I may be jinxing my team, but I can’t control myself. Sorry in advance for what follows:

Hey Editors, you ready for the big Patriots game this weekend?

Oh, wait, that is right. While your nancy boy quarterback was canoodling with his eurotrash super-model bride to be (technically she is Brazilian, but with a name like Giselle, she might as well be French) this weekend, a real football team was working towards their SIXTH Super Bowl ring.

Suck. On. TUCK. RULE. This.

PS- Belichick is a cheater.

Reader Interactions

77Comments

  2. 2.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    I really wanna get in yer face about this ridiculous posturing but I fucking hate the Patriots. Fucking cheaters.

    Edit: Go Ravens!

  5. 5.

    Mazacote Yorquest

    No, no, no– this is terrible tempting of fate. I have an eerie feeling about facing Whisenhunt in the Super Bowl– not good. But then, I still to this day almost throw up thinking about Bettis’s fumble against the Colts.

    You need to replace Brady with Neil O’Donnell’s "achievement" in the Super Bowl as repentance.

  6. 6.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Steelers should win by a touchdown this weekend as long as yer suckass coach doesn’t blow it for ya.

  7. 7.

    John Cole

    You need to replace Brady with Neil O’Donnell’s “achievement” in the Super Bowl as repentance.

    If karma is really what you are concerned about, then you need to think about this. Because of Neil O’Donnell’s interceptions, Al Davis spent a SHITLOAD of money on Larry Brown, who then promptly sucked for two seasons before being cut.

    I consider Karma coming out ahead on that.

  8. 8.

    jlo

    @blogenfreude

    What do the Giants have to do with anything?

    p.s. What would you call an all PA superbowl?

  10. 10.

    bad dad

    (technically she is Brazilian, but with a name like Giselle, she might as well be French)

    C’mon, John.

    With a last name like Bundchen, we’re looking at German there.
    Hmmm (stroking chin), I wonder when her grandfather emigrated…

  11. 11.

    Kirby

    I hate the Patriots. But I also hate the Steelers. Possibly even more than I hate the Patriots.

    Go Ravens. I hope Bart Scott crushes Hines Ward’s larynx. I don’t often root for injuries, but in his case I’ll make an exception.

  12. 12.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    "If you want to go to the Super Bowl, who else would you rather it be but the Pittsburgh Steelers?" Ravens linebacker Bart Scott said. "It’s an opportunity for one organization to build up the level of hatred for the other organization. Somebody is going to be happy, somebody is going to be hurt. What other team would you rather do it to?"

  16. 16.

    Joe Lisboa

    Go Stillers, with much non-ironic love from Detroit. Watch out for that karma though, John. It’s a bitch.

  17. 17.

    Dreggas

    I’m rooting for the Steelers myself. Always liked the team even if they aren’t my overall favorite.

  18. 18.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Most of the Ravens who watched the game were pulling for the Steelers.

    "You have to appreciate the way they play. I love the way they play," Scott said. "You want to play the best, and I think they are the best right now. You want the opportunity to prove yourself against the best. You want to test yourself. We look forward to it. We didn’t want to go to San Diego."

  19. 19.

    gopher2b

    Someone blows out Brady’s knee and he whinces, team pulls it self together, suffers more injuries, and goes 11-5. No one cries.

    Big Ben looks like he could start crying at ANY MOMENT. He’s such a pussy.

  20. 20.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    Slam against Brady and a Warcraft reference. Sweeeet.

    Oh but wait, John, the Steelers just won a Super Bowl so we should vote for someone else, right?

  22. 22.

    robertdsc

    a real football team was working towards their SIXTH Super Bowl ring.

    Lest we forget, the QB who threw the clinching pass in the fifth SB win is now playing in Washington. Lest we also forget, Big Ben wasn’t too hot in that game, either:

    9/21 passing, 123 yards, 2 picks.

    Meanwhile, the nancy boy QB has two SB MVPs and 3 rings. I’ll take that, thanks.

  23. 23.

    comrade rawshark

    I was rooting for the Steelers. Now I’m not. Fuck their fans if JC is representative. You can’t beat Belichek in the playoffs, talks all you got. Keep talking. Matt Cassell won 11 games, he wouldn’t with the Omar Epps look alike as coach.

  24. 24.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    BTW – Has anyone seen Joe the Plumber lately?

    "Uuuhhh. . . uh. . . I’m here with Ben Roethlisberger. I got a ton of questions in my mind but I can’t think of which one to ask. . . I bet when the other team is rushing you, you throw the ball real fast. I know I would. If you ask me, people should be barred from interviewing sports figures."

  27. 27.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Bum Phillips wouldn’t know what to make of the Ravens. Who in their right mind would want to play the Steelers in Pittsburgh in January?

  30. 30.

    Ack, Sysadmin of Evil

    Who cares who wins, as long as the hated Dallas F-ing Cowboys are watching it on TV?

    /long-suffering Bills and Redskins fan

  31. 31.

    dobrojutro

    @gopher2b

    How many times did Brady get sacked in 2006-2007 vs Ben? Those stoic patsies will be watching from their living rooms of solitude while Ben gets all misty-eyed playing an AFC championship.

    Eli is kinda whiny too, ain’t he?

  33. 33.

    NutellaonToast

    Wait, Brady, who’s like 16-3 in the playoffs, chokes in them? Huh, that’s some achievement. Ben, though, he’s a real man, what with winning the dullest Super Bowl I’ve ever seen.

    PS Only nancy boys date incredibly hot women.

  34. 34.

    dand

    Let’s see, Brady got hurt playing football. Roethlisberger got hurt being fucking stupid. Give me 3 rings and a super model any day!

    I hate the ravens and the rust bucket. I usually pull for the AFC but go Eagles!

  35. 35.

    MikeJ

    Is the cheating allegation over that whole "buy a ticket to sit in the stands and watch what the other team does out in the open on the sidelines" thing or is it something else?

    Meh. Sports with padding are for pussies.

    Carefree, wherever we may be
    We are the famous CFC
    And we don’t give a fuck
    Whoever you may be
    Cuz we are the famous CFC

  37. 37.

    r€nato

    Arizona Cardinals in the Super Bowl.

    You read it here first.

    This is surely a sign of the apocalypse (as well as tasty moguls in Hades), so go ahead and rack up those credit cards.

  38. 38.

    mikethedealer

    Doubt the Steelers are ever going to unlock the ‘beat the Patriots in the AFC Title game’ achievement.

    I remember Kordell and Cowher dismissing the Pats in 01 as a joke, that really worked out well for you guys. Damn you Cole for making me root for Ray Lewis.

  39. 39.

    dbrown

    As a Ravens fan, I still like the Steelers as a team and only by beating them can the Ravens claim to be the best. The Steelers’ coach is very good and Ben deserves his praise. This last minute drive to beat the Ravens was skillful and well executed. Still, both games came down to good breaks going the Steelers way and one bad call going in their favor but that’s football. No matter your or anyone’s else bitching about the Ravens, this will be a hard hitting, smash mouth tough game that is what football is really about.
    The Steelers are fairly well rested and unhurt. The Ravens are bruised and injured but are hot. Go Ravens.

  42. 42.

    Radon Chong

    My eyes see Tom Brady in that picture, but in my broken heart the real choker will forevermore be Jake Delhomme. I’ve never seen choking like that. Panthers can has Matt Cassel plz?

  43. 43.

    r€nato

    A Proud New Englander

    apparently winning six championships so far this decade in three major sports just ain’t enough for some folks…

  44. 44.

    r€nato

    in my broken heart the real choker will forevermore be Jake Delhomme.

    the Cards should definitely vote him a share of their playoff loot. I haven’t seen an epic choke like that since Bush vs. pretzel.

  46. 46.

    2liberal

    the "general stupidity" tag must have been applied to yourself. Belichick will get you for this. and your tubby little cat, too.

  47. 47.

    D-Chance.

    The McBeamers SHOULD win the Super Bowl.

    Given that the other three teams have a combined loss total greater than the Detroit Lions, anything other than a Steeley McBowl win would be a disgrace to the team and the league.

    Once Brady went down, this NFL season became the weakest in recent memory… when the Cardinals and Eagles are playing for the NFC title… geesh, in the good old days that was the pansy game in the NFC East.

  48. 48.

    Anton Sirius

    On behalf of my father, who is a Steelers fan, I can only say:

    DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL

  49. 49.

    J.

    Quoth the Ravens, "Nevermore."

    Enjoy your weekend in the sun (okay, freezing rain), Cole. For next weekend, the Ravens are going to peck the Steelers’ eyes out.

    Re Brady, clearly his dick was not injured. And we shall have to wait and see what connubial bliss does to/for his passing game. In the meantime, considering how banged up Big Ben is, I wouldn’t be gloating or tempting the gods.

  52. 52.

    Bostondreams

    I say it again. The Jets and Brett Farve suck worse than the Detroit Lions and Oakland Raiders dressed up in Hoover costumes. Those &^^%*^ SOBS just had to win one lousy game…
    Bah. Yeah, I know, Pats should have won one more in conference. Ah well. Guess I can go watch my 04 and 07 World Series DVDs. Or my Celtics 07-08 DVD. Or, ooo, the Snow Game. That’s a fun one. :)

    C’mon, yeah, I know, let it go.
    Go (ugh) Steelers.

  53. 53.

    randiego

    Uh, dude.

    First, calling brady a nancyboy after your boy left the field a couple weeks back with his helmet taped to a backboard isn’t just tempting karma, it’s also stupid.

    second, your invitation to come to san diego has been revoked.

    btw – it was 84 here today. suck on that.

  54. 54.

    JGabriel

    What’s the point of this post?

    Am I to understand that there was some sort of sports or athletic competition today? If so, I hope that all the opponents, or contestants if you prefer, were honorable men, and performed nobly, with grace under pressure.

    Does anything else matter? Surely no one will claim that the score is important, in the face of building character.

    .

    .

  55. 55.

    demimondian

    @Bostondreams:

    I say it again. The Jets and Brett Farve suck worse than the Detroit Lions and Oakland Raiders dressed up in -Hoover- Larry Craig costumes.

    Fixt.

    But none of them suck as much as the Pittsburgh MsBeams and their paid off refs.

  56. 56.

    SLKRR

    @bad dad:

    Southern Brazil (where Gisele is from) is populated mainly by people of German and Italian descent. In some rural communities, the older generations still speak German.

  57. 57.

    John Cole

    Oh, lighten up.

    For those of you who are unaware, the Editors used to frequently goad me into volcanic eruptions back in the wingnutty past.

    I am simply trying to return the favor with the only weapon I have- his love of all things Patriot.

  59. 59.

    Dean Booth

    I have been cursed to be a Browns fan. In my eyes, the Ravens are Satan’s spawn. I would root against them if they played the Taliban.

  61. 61.

    Bob In Pacifica

    This time of year, when your teams are long out of it, you have to work up a rooting interest for who’s left.

    I guess I’ll root for the Steelers over the Bengals, although I kinda am rooting for Flacco like I used to root for Big Ben when he was younger. I would root for the Cards because they’re from the NFC West, but I get tired of people praising God for helping them win football games. In fact, I would be very upset to find out that God was helping Kurt Warner when he should have been stepping into the mess in Gaza. Or maybe because God was helping Warner to complete those fade routes he overlooked all the mayhem in the Mideast. So I may end up rooting for the Eagles because McNabb was slurred by Limbaugh. It’s all so hard.

  63. 63.

    Neal

    So in Tampa we get to look forward to an offseason enjoying our monumental December collapse and mourning the loss of Monte Kiffin…and the Super Bowl will be about a mile and a half from my house…
    But I’m rooting for the Steelers. My step-mom and her kids are from Pittsburgh, big Steeler fans. So that’s all I got left once The Bucs and Colts are gone. Go Stillers!
    As a Tampa resident, I can’t root for Philly. Especially not this fucking year.

  65. 65.

    sus

    i don’t even watch the game… but I still always want the Steelers to BEAT THE RAVENS. Even more than the Browns. Go Steelers.

  66. 66.

    Marked Hoosier

    This post should have been to The Editors and Brad from Sadly, No.

    Then it would have been epic…

    Go Birds! (Eagles/Cards/Ravens, I don’t care)

  67. 67.

    David

    Go Steelers indeed. If it’s going to be a rematch in the Super Bowl, I’d rather the Eagles face the team they dismantled than the one that ripped them apart.

  68. 68.

    TheAssInTheHatOnMyCat(Formerly Comrade Tax Analyst)

    p.s. What would you call an all PA superbowl?
    blockquote>

    Uh…"The Bitter-Folks-Clinging-To-Their-Guns Bowl"?

    Or is that appellation reserved to only rural Pennsylvanians?

    Seriously, I think a Steelers-Eagles Stupor Bowl would be most cool. Old-line NFL franchises that haven’t moved on to Greener Pa$ture$. You know, think the "Santa Rosa Steelers", or the "Oklahoma City Eagles"…just doesn’t conjure up…anything, except maybe the word, "lame".

    But, "The Pittsburgh Steelers" vs. "The Philadelphia Eagles", man, I’m picturing Bobby Layne, John Henry Johnson, Buddy Dial, Sonny Jurgensen, Tommy McDonald, Chuck Bednarik, Clarence Peaks…players that went both ways(back when that didn’t mean what it does today), games played in miserable weather – snowstorms, muck & mud, etc.

    Of course, the players made peanuts and the games weren’t televised for the most part. No Super Bowl, no shit.

    But still, I kind of miss those less-sophisticated days. No one had ever heard of the "Prevent Defense", or "Nickle Backs", and the guys who did the place-kicking also played some sort of regular position as well – and they didn’t make 80+% of those damned field goals (BTW, Field Goals bore the shit out of me, they ought to de-value them…make ’em 2 points, and a rule that a field goal in OT doesn’t end the game, but a TD does. You make a FG, you play out the quarter and only win if the FG puts you up more than a TD, so it would take 3 of them with no scoring by the opponent to end the game).

  70. 70.

    robertdsc

    I forgot one thing.

    TUCK. RULE. This.

    May I remind you, and all the idiot Raiders fans who mention this in the bars and on the street when they see me on the street, that the tuck rule play (which I admit was a bad call) only helped the Pats to TIE the game via a Vinatieri FG? The Raiders got the ball back, opted to run out the clock and go to overtime.

    Then, in OT, they couldn’t stop the run enough(a 3rd & 3 play that went for 16 and the first down) so that Brady had a chance to get the Pats into field goal range. Vinatieri kicks it again and it’s game over.

    Thus, calling "tuck rule!" is a total failure.

    And I’m reminded of something. Aren’t the Stillers beneficiaries of funny plays? Immaculate Reception, anyone? Jackie Smith?

    Yeah. Morans.

  72. 72.

    elmo

    I want to participate, but I just can’t. Hurts too much.
    Life is empty and has no meaning.
    This season was right out of a screenplay:
    Losing the opening game in the final play.
    The Hochuli call.
    Coming back against Kansas City.
    Then sweet, sweet redemption against Denver.
    Beating the hated Manning in OT.
    Even the Giants lost, putting the spoiled whinyass tittybaby back into well-deserved mediocrity and oblivion.
    Surely the football gods smiled upon us? Surely this was destined to be the year?
    I need another drink.

  73. 73.

    DUDACKATTACK!!!

    If Ray Lewis could read you would be in huge fucking trouble.

    You mean the original "Stop Snitchin’" poster boy?

  74. 74.

    joe from Lowell

    Congratulations to the Steelers!

    Having one more win than a team that lost its franchise quarterback on the opening drive of the season IS an impressive accomplishment.

  75. 75.

    karbunkle

    I presume the steeler’s superbowl accomodations have been reserved?

    The pats went 11-5 with a second string quarterback and everyone and their brother on IR this season. You should thank god your boys aren’t traveling to Foxboro to take on the full strength pats. Belichick should be coach of the year.

    Why do you hate america, john?

  76. 76.

    Kevin

    Dude, I’m sorry New England beat your precious Steelers on the way to 2 of their 3 super bowls but I think it’s time you moved on with your life.

    p.s. if Roethlisberger goes down, you have only yourself to blame for posting that picture. Bastard.

  77. 77.

    AC

    Maybe when Brady comes back next year the Steelers can trade for Cassel so Pittsburgh can have a good quarterback again?

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