Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

If you thought you’d already seen people saying the stupidest things possible on the internet, prepare yourselves.

Fight them, without becoming them!

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

It’s a good piece. click on over. but then come back!!

Republicans choose power over democracy, every day.

If ‘weird’ was the finish line, they ran through the tape and kept running.

Let’s not be the monsters we hate.

With all due respect and assumptions of good faith, please fuck off into the sun.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

If you are still in the gop, you are either an extremist yourself, or in bed with those who are.

GOP baffled that ‘we don’t care if you die’ is not a winning slogan.

The unpunished coup was a training exercise.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

I’m starting to think Jesus may have made a mistake saving people with no questions asked.

“Loving your country does not mean lying about its history.”

They want us to be overwhelmed and exhausted. Focus. Resist. Oppose.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

White supremacy is terrorism.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

This fight is for everything.

The rest of the comments were smacking Boebert like she was a piñata.

I might just take the rest of the day off and do even more nothing than usual.

You are here: Home / Popular Culture / And 1,000 Sadly, No! Posts Are Born

And 1,000 Sadly, No! Posts Are Born

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There is so much to love about this 18 minute video with Dr. Helen and the Advice Goddess, but I think if I had to choose my favorite moment, it would be at around the 12:30 mark when the Advice Goddess compared having sex with your partner to rotating the tires on your car. My first thought was “UR DOIN’ IT RONG!,” and then I realized that maybe I had just witnessed the birth of a new euphemism. I will have to check the urban dictionary to see if ‘rotating the tires‘ has taken on a whole new meaning in a few months.

And yes, I watched all 18 minutes. I sent Tim an IM with the link, and about ten minutes later he told me that watching it was like “being rickrolled for 18 minutes.”

Also worth checking out (especially you gaming dorks), apparently it is patch day for the US.

Reader Interactions

61Comments

  1. 1.

    Joshua Norton

    then I realized that maybe I had just witnessed the birth of a new euphemism.

    When it comes to sex, you can make any stupid sounding thing a euphemism.

    Hey you – how’d you like me to rotate your tires for you?

    Sounds dirty to me.

  4. 4.

    former capitalist

    I’m not going to watch this under any circumstances, but I’m wondering, just for curiosity’s sake, if Amy rotates her tires from front to rear (or vice versa), or from side to side.

  5. 5.

    Raging Red

    Bruce Springsteen already did it in the lyrics to Redheaded Woman:

    Well I don’t know how many girls you’ve dated
    but you ain’t lived til you’ve had your tires rotated
    by a redheaded woman

  8. 8.

    The Moar You Know

    I’m not watching anything with "Doctor" Helen in it. Those 18 minutes could be better spent by:

    watching porn
    reading a manual
    driving my car aimlessly in circles
    staring at the wall
    punching myself in the balls
    drawing stick figures
    cutting myself
    calling random tech support numbers just to talk to someone

  9. 9.

    woody

    I Hear Jose Feliciano:
    "C’mon baby, rotate my tire.
    Try to get the lugs on tighter…’

    Yeah, sure. Works for me…
    –Speedracer

  10. 10.

    woody

    Cpl. Cam
    Yeah, but who has sex with their partner EVERY 5,000 miles?

    I think of it more as an additive, every tankful, or so…your mileage may very…

  13. 13.

    cleek

    A good time was guaranteed for one and all.
    The tattoos did target practice in the hall,
    While waiting for their number to get called out
    and I, i, i, I found out what the wait was about

    I was a good time, yeah
    I got pretty good
    At changing tires, upstairs bro
    I shot my mouth off and you showed me what that hole was for

    — pretenders, tattooed love boys

    possibly the best song ever written by anyone, ever.

  14. 14.

    torrentprime

    How can she say something as reasonable as "men will look at porn, and women need to deal with that," and then follow it up with something as batsh!t insane as the rotating tires comment? Then it hit me. She gave away the only reason she backs the "watching porn" tendency of men with this: "It’s again this PC stuff." She only backs it because she can file it in the PC/feminism/liberal stuff she wants to rebel against so much.

    The only thing I can’t figure out is why/how she believes in evolution.

  15. 15.

    woody

    Have the PTB yet foregone the idea of a separate regime of special courts and prisons IN the US especially to deal with captive (alleged) ‘terrorists?’

    That’s what they were talking about the last time somebody discussed closing GITMO…

  17. 17.

    Zifnab

    General Stupidity, Popular Culture

    What happened to, "I read these idiots so you don’t have to"?

  19. 19.

    catdander

    Nice to know we haven’t progressed beyond the "lie back and think of England" days, although, admittedly, I did not make it that far into the vid. What is it with these women? They try to dress all hip and stuff but they’re wingers trying to deceive. Look, I know you might be self-concious about it at first, ladies, but go ahead and try on that prairie dress, twist that nice long hair into a bun. There ya’ go. Feels more natural, doesn’t it? Good, now here’s a bonnet.

  21. 21.

    Zifnab

    @catdander:

    Nice to know we haven’t progressed beyond the "lie back and think of England" days…

    Aaaaaand I just jizzed my pants. Thanks for nothin’ catdander. Can someone hand me a towel?

  22. 22.

    Svensker

    Well, I was going to say listening to those two was like having hot golf clubs inserted into my nostrils, but then I read Zifnab at 21…and I can no longer speak.

  24. 24.

    Xanthippas

    Man, was that collar vampiric enough? That and her pose makes me want to guard my neck (everything else makes me want to guard my privates.)

  25. 25.

    FourtyTwo

    Holy moly…

    This Amy Alkon fellow is terrifying.

    But I have to give PJ TV credit for putting a transsexual on the air to provide a new kind of voice for sex advice. I bet she has all kinds of insights from switching teams and seeing it from both sides…

  26. 26.

    burnspbesq

    Personally, I agree with Gen. Buck Turgidson. Nothing is better than deploying one’s ballistic missile in a willing silo. Particularly if one doesn’t have to worry about whether any of the multiple independent re-entry vehicles reaches a target.

  29. 29.

    jenniebee

    not to get all OED on you, but I think the first time I heard that expression was on Cheers. I think it was Sam referring to Rebbecca, but I could be wrong about that.

  30. 30.

    Shinobi

    I wouldn’t date you either Sad Dem. 5’11" is just unacceptably short.

    I used to really like Amy Alkon, I can’t tell if I got smarter or she became more unhinged.

  31. 31.

    4tehlulz

    >>the Advice Goddess compared having sex with your partner to rotating the tires on your car.

    So she’s saying that she takes her partner to a garage and pays someone else to do the work.

  33. 33.

    R-Jud

    @burnspbesq:

    Nothing is better than deploying one’s ballistic missile in a willing silo. Particularly if one doesn’t have to worry about whether any of the multiple independent re-entry vehicles reaches a target.

    You know, I was enjoying a nice cup of hot chocolate up until I read that, and now it’s all over my keyboard and my shirt. Thanks a bundle.

    Also, I agree with Joshua Norton– anything can sound like a euphemism if you want it to. Earlier this evening, for example, my husband was sweating the onions. And how!

  34. 34.

    Zifnab

    @TheFountainHead: That’s a technique, although it requires a great deal of flexibility. But since you’re already here, someone hand me a three-quarter’s inch flat wrench we’ll get started.

  35. 35.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    I will have to check the urban dictionary to see if ‘rotating the tires’ has taken on a whole new meaning in a few months.

    Perhaps losing a nut has taken on a whole new meaning too.

  37. 37.

    Tsulagi

    In sort of a similar vein, somewhere out there on cable is a crazy Canadian granny who gives sex advice. Have come across her a couple of times while channel surfing.

    First time I saw her she was in a discussion with herself about the pros and cons of various cock rings, fondly displaying them, then giving her recommendations. Then prostate stimulation. From a wrinkly granny….ewwww.

    Gotta give her credit, though. She is funny, and seems to really enjoy her subject matter.

  42. 42.

    Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist

    What’s the patch day thing about? The site seems to be overloaded or something.

    "Patching one’s software" has to be some kind of sexphemism among the kids these days, BTW.

  43. 43.

    TheFountainHead

    "Patching one’s software" has to be some kind of sexphemism among the kids these days, BTW.

    Heh. There’s a background downloader punchline here, but I can’t bring it to the surface.

  45. 45.

    Shinobi

    The wrinkly granny is Sue Johnson, she actually gives pretty good advice once you get over taking sex toy recommendations from someone who could be your Grandmother. She’s very progressive and open minded which is more than I can say for some other hacks. (She had Dan Savage on her show a few years ago, which was hilarious.)

  46. 46.

    AnneLaurie

    But I have to give PJ TV credit for putting a transsexual on the air to provide a new kind of voice for sex advice. I bet she has all kinds of insights from switching teams and seeing it from both sides…

    On the other hand, maybe Alkon’s just had the opportunity to be twice as wrong.

  53. 53.

    Carlo

    Oh dear, there must be something wrong with me. I listened for the first 5-6 minutes or so, but I did not find it particularly funny or stupid. I did get bored enough to stop however, so there may be hope for me yet.

  54. 54.

    MattF

    I gotta say, I took one look at the Advice Goddess and decided right then and there that I did not want to hear her talking about sex. Or whatever.

  55. 55.

    Krista

    In sort of a similar vein, somewhere out there on cable is a crazy Canadian granny who gives sex advice. Have come across her a couple of times while channel surfing.

    That’s Sue Johanson! She’s beyond awesome. She’s completely unflappable, no-nonsense, has a great sense of humour. She’s just so NOT embarrassed by anything that the callers to her show can’t help but lose their embarrassment as well.

    The wrinkly granny thing doesn’t bother me. When you’re 13 and find your grandmother’s porn, you stop fooling yourself into thinking that older people know nothing of sex.

  56. 56.

    Woodrowfan

    80% of all couple over the age of 70 still have regular sex, and 100% of their kids and grandkids do NOT want to think about it!!

    And yeah, Sue Johanson is great!

  57. 57.

    stickler

    Um. So …

    When you’re 13 and find your grandmother’s porn, you stop fooling yourself into thinking that older people know nothing of sex.

    I was 13 once, but … well, maybe my grandparents were a little more sheltered. Or careful. Or Lutheran.

    In any case, Krista has once again given us a comment for the ages. Maybe comment of the year. Proprietors, please make a note of it.

  58. 58.

    ronathan richardson

    There’s so little sense in that video, but what confuses me most is how they both agree to blame feminism for making women feel bad about hooking up. That’s beyond mere Megan McArdle levels of wrongness there, that’s like couldn’t be wronger if you tried.

  61. 61.

    Percy ‘Mad Dog’ Plumflute

    Weird.

    Dr. Mrs. Old Perfessor is like a hippie straight from a time machine (blouse & all), with an Andie MacDowell voice (& delivery).

    My heart goes out to Amy "my parents wouldn’t pay for graduate film school!!" Alcon. What’s up with her Dracula coat?

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