Time to pick the logo for the United Pastry Jihad, which will just be our shorthand for whenever one of the usual suspects has a hissy fit about something absurd. Here are your choices.
1. 
2. 
3. 
Have at it.
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[…] The days of pro-business conservatism are over now. The US Chamber of Commerce begged Republican Congressmen to support the stimulus package to no avail. Conservatives are actively rooting for the liquidation of automakers and banks, with “Let them fail” replacing “drill baby drill” as a rallying cry. And that’s when they’re not urging us to boycott Krispy Kreme and Dunkin Notes for supporting the United Pastry Jihad. […]
robertdsc
The Arabic writing on the second logo works for me.
sneakerchad
Number 1 looks too much like a Shriner to me.
JGabriel
I’m very surprised by the voting so far, with #1 in the lead and logo #3 dead last.
While numbers 1 and 2 are both very humorous, neither will shrink down to a smaller, readable logo. The pink in 1 will just overwhelm it. And the pastry in the center of number two will just become a mess of black line and indeterminate khaki shapes, leaving people to wonder whether it’s a pastry or an aborted fetus.
Anyway, I put in my vote for number 3, which appears to be the most adaptable for various sizes and uses.
.
beltane
Death to Baked Infidels is a slogan I can believe in.
Nasty looking pastry, too. You’s have to be baked to eat that.
Laura W
Usual suspects have.
You’re welcome, as always.
Michael D.
Number 3 is funnier because it looks like the donuts are looking at ya! And it’s a bomb, so that makes it even better.
Vote Number 3!
forked tongue
I agree with JGabriel that only #3 works as a logo is supposed to, but I hate the sideways type. I’d like to see some different choices.
alexinoki
Doesn’t the first logo strike anyone as sort of… vaginal?
jack fate
Being an occasion pothead, the second logo hit close to home. But I’m gonna go with No. 1. The other two are great, but too slick and professional looking, IMO, for the endeavor at hand.
Porco Rosso
#1 would work better if the sprinkles were distributed as a bushy beard and set of bushy, yet candy colored eyebrows. Googlely eyes optional.
DTABI out.
The Truffle
I’m split between 1 and 2, if only because I can’t figure out which pastry is represented in logo 2.
Thus, I’d suggest a combination of the two. Replace the pastry in logo 2 with the donut in Logo 1.
I have too much time on my hands.
hwickline
I must disagree with sneaker chad– it’s the fez/ kaffiyeh that makes number 1 the clear winner. Shriners have always been out to get us. And their little cars only make them more dangerous. Wake up, America!
Scott H
Can ya get the scarf on #2?
J.
For some reason, I suddenly find myself craving a donut and rugelach… Mmmm… sprinkles…
Hey is this post kosher? ; )
Punchy
I say put this on a t-shirt and wear it in an airport. Have a lawyer on retainer n bail money first
The Moar You Know
#1 is a little too close to goatse for my taste.
mellowjohn
i’m partial to #2, but if a keffiyeh is involved in any of them, it really should be paisley – just like the one of rachel ray’s that our lady of perpetual outrage raised such a stink about.
Crusty Dem
@alexinoki
Why do you think I voted for it? It’s the scariest thing for Aces that isn’t made out of bacon and PLAY-DOH.
Damn, those are good. I liked the all, but voted for #1, it’s just too perfect, although it may not make the best logo. Do we really have to choose? Can’t we rotate?
JL
They are all good. Can we vote more than once?
Surreal American
Is there a way to incorporate the keffiyeh in Logos 2 and 3? The use of the keffiyeh really gets to the heart of Malkinite stupidity on the whole Dunkin’ Donuts/Rachael Ray kerfuffle
Left Coast Tom
I liked #1 because the pink donut w/ sprinkles, and the fez hat, give the appropriate level of ridiculousness to Malkin’s pastry jihad idiocy.
Though the bomb in #3 is a nice touch. #2 just looks a bit too professional to capture the sense of the thing.
demimondian
The problem I have with #2 is that I don’t know what the Arabic means. If it’s a verse from the Quran, the "funny" of the joke is completely destroyed.
libarbarian
Its says
Zuzu's Petals
Not to be too nitpicky, but I thought this one by amorphous was worthy of inclusion too.
catdander
Mmmmmmmmhmmm, Jihad.
catdander
#1 makes me laugh because it’s just plain silly and absurd, just like Malkin. However, unlike Malkin, it makes me hungry.
Mazacote Yorquest
Burn in hell, brown in paradise.
Laura W
@Zuzu’s Petals: ooooooooo.
Agreed. Elegant in its minimalism and poignant symbolism; would probably reduce well.
However, my vote has been cast for #1 because I usually prefer absurdly irreverent and pants-wetting wacky to minimalism.
I’m tacky that way.
Plus my dad was a Shriner*. Mason. Rotarian. Kiwanian, Chamber of Commercian. A real joiner, that man.
Republican, too.
(Can one be a Shriner and a Mason? Perhaps not. Maybe they are arch enemies. I know for sure he was a Mason.)
Anya
I think Logo # 2 is wrong. You should not equate the faith of 1.4 billion people with terrorism. The Arabic writing on the second logo is recited by millions of people who believe peace and are hostage to the same terrorist forces we are fighting.
Garrigus Carraig
Yeah I’m not religious, but considering we’re trying to offend the Islamophobes rather than the Muslims, I think no. 2 misses the mark & backfires. Choose wisely!
Krista
If #3 had the keffiyeh, I think it would be the the way to go.
bh
i see it’s 321 to 321. have you included the absentee ballots?
srv
I voted for #1, but can we have some text added, like Dirka Dirka or something?
amorphous
I’m going with number two, because I used to own a pair of Nike Airs.
@Zuzu’s Petals: I agree. That amorphous gentleman has some serious MSPaint skillz.
Disregard the name on this comment, I just can’t correctly spell "Anonymous."
Cain
ha! I evened up the votes between 1) and 2)! :)
DEATH TO BAKED INFIDELS!
cain
MH
I just wanted to say thank you for alerting those of us who use an RSS reader to the embedded poll!
Joshua Norton
Number 3 is the best. 1 & 2 are good at the size they’re at, but when reduced to a smaller or thumbnail size, they become unidentifiable. 3 is still clear and crisp (and readable). Plus the lit fuse and donut eyes spying on you are just hysterical.
audiored
I like number 3. But, I really like the slogan on number 2.
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
I’m voting for number 3 because it includes Krista’s birthday cake. (Happy happy, Krista! Is your morning-afternoon-evening sickness letting you have any cake today?)
jvill
More submissions and clearly we need a run-off. Tournament brackets, anyone?
Stan of the Sawgrass
You know, I voted for #2, because #1 really made me hungry.
I’m off to get some donuts. Not only do they hate our freedoms, they hate our donuts. Get the full dozen, or they win.
passerby
I think the thing about a logo is the image. Words around a logo are more for insignia. (Too picky?)
A fez and scarf (keffi something) smacks of jihad and as I mentioned earlier, nothing says shallow and dimwitted like a pink donut with sprinkles*.
Go pink donut, go!
(*absurd, but we gotta fight fire with fire)
amorphous
@Stan of the Sawgrass: They hate us for our Splenda’d sugar-freedom.
Comrade Darkness
Oh, logo 1 is much better. I’d have to say, though for purposes of use, the U P Jihad lettering needs to be larger. But it is such a nice concoction. MMMM… donuts. Pink crusader-jihadi donuts….
OriGuy
Didn’t we talk about this? You have to be a Mason to be a Shriner.
The Arabic on #2 appears to be the shahada, the Muslim declaration of belief. I think it would be unnecessarily offensive to use it to poke fun. I don’t know Arabic; I gave it up after a few weeks. Maybe someone could get an Arabic phrase to replace it.
Cryptic Ned
#1 is the best, though it may be incomprehensible when smaller.
But there’s already a few UPJ logos.
Ellid
#2. #1 reminds me too much of my Uncle Oscar’s Shriners’ fez (which I am looking at even as we speak).
Laura W
@OriGuy:
I have no recollection of ever talking about this issue with you, but I do appreciate the clarification. It inspired me to educate myself a bit:
…"pleasure without intemperance, hospitality without rudeness and jollity without coarseness."
Studly Pantload
How can I *not* vote for sprinkles?
John S.
As the creator of #2, allow me to explain…
I got that Arabic writing from the FLAG of JIHAD. Forgive me for mistaking it as a symbol of peace. By the way, what does it actually say?
John S.
That is true.
I vow that whatever logo wins, I will spend a little time to make a final version that is both both humorous AND legible at small sizes!
Dustin
#1 lost by a vote? I demand a recount!
Roza Hussein
damn this is hard
3 works best as an actual logo as it would reproduce the
best in all formats for various media but the others are fun
4jkb4ia
2 made me laugh, but I now feel guilty when I know what the Arabic says.
4jkb4ia
Alas, we probably cannot scrounge up an Arabic speaker to write something like "Death to All Baked Infidels" in the middle.
rishathra
The only reason I didn’t vote for #3 is that its eyes too closely resemble those of my beloved Creator of the Universe, the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Other than that, it’s the best, but I had to vote otherwise because of that.
TheAssInTheHatOnMyCat(Formerly Comrade Tax Analyst)
wow! My vote for #1 just TIED the election with #2. Proof-positive that "Your Vote Really Counts".
I hope it doesn’t get challenged and thrown out in the mandatory recount…I ate 3 donuts at work today so I’m definitely under the influence of sugar and whatever other toxic ingredients they put in donuts these days.
TheAssInTheHatOnMyCat(Formerly Comrade Tax Analyst)
You know you’ve really got a problem when you want to stay at work so you can see which pastry wins this contest.
I wonder what the exit polls have to say on this?
Has Nate Silver weighed in with a projection yet?
Inquiring minds wanna know…
OriGuy
@Laura W: Sorry, was thinking of a Usenet group with a similar collection of witty, eclectic individuals. The Shriners are a separate organization from the Masons, but they require that their members be Masons.
OriGuy
@John S.: The Shahada is the profession of a Muslim’s belief: “There is no god but God, Muhammad is the Messenger of God". The same thing appears on the flag of Saudi Arabia.
John S.
@OriGuy
Well heck, that isn’t what I was aiming for at all. I certainly wasn’t looking to denigrate all Muslims. For some reason, that comes up a lot on searches for "jihad", and that was what I was looking for the Arabic equivalent of.
If I end up editing, can you point me in the right direction since the intertubes cannot be trusted?
Warren Terra
I think we need another round of logo evolution – for example, I like the cartoonish nature and especially the bomb from #3 best, and voted for #3, but I feel #3 could really use a good scarf or checked tablecloth (a feature present in #1, though I’m not a huge fan of its implementation there) and #2 has some strong advantages in its "Death To Baked Infidels!" motto and the use of Arabic text (a language that I cannot read, and I would actually prefer it if the text were a complete nonsequitor about lawnmowers or platypuses or something).
Brain Hertz
Has to be #1…
It’s the only one that has a vaguely keffiyeh-looking scarf in it. I think that’s an important element.
OriGuy
@John S.: My Photoshop skills are about as good as my Arabic, so I can’t come up with a replacement. However, I looked at a few pages that had Arabic phrases and found this one. The next-to-last phrase on the page should be suitable. Copy the Arabic characters and paste them into your favorite graphic editor, using a font with Arabic characters. Arial or Times Roman has them. Then play around with it until it looks decorative.
John S.
@OriGuy:
Ah, there’s a helpful page – thanks!
Thankfully, my Photoshop skills are significantly better than my Arabic or I would have been out of a job years ago.
Adam CB
John:
"The Arabic writing" in the second version is actually the First Kalima, which translates, "There is nothing worthy of worship except Allah, and Muhammad is His messenger."
This is kind of serious thing to us Muslims, since this statement is basically part of every prayer session. The one-ness of God and the finality of the Qur’an pretty much fill out the Standard Checklist for Being Muslim. You check both boxes and–poof!–yer Muslim!
If the design wins, I’d STRONGLY RECOMMEND that you replace the calligraphy with some nonsense Arabic. I’d particularly recommend that you dig around a little and find some American fast-food franchise’s Arabic logo or menu item name to stick there. McDonalds, Pizza Hut and, yes, KFC have a strong presence in the Muslim world. Go lite on McDonalds, because it’s actually the only place in Egypt you can get a decent cup of coffee. I am not kidding. I actually think that the humor value of the exercise would be heightened. Sadly, for all its desire to overthrow liberty and destroy America’s way of life, Dunkin’ Donuts has not yet made big inroads into the Jihadosphere. Part of some secret plan, no doubt. Michelle needs to do some more dumpster-diving to ferret it out.
Adam CB
Wow. I should have read upthread. Sorry. I still recommend the KFC motto. Look for "Finger-lickin’ Good" in Arabic. And, c’mon. There’s like millions of Arabic-speakers. You’ll find one.
Adam CB
There’s this program and website, yamli.com.
Go there.
It’s a transliteration tool. If you know the English syllables, it transliterates them into Arabic sounds. For Arabic writers and speakers who know standard English transliteration methods, it’s shorthand to write in Arabic without an Arabic keyboard. For you, you could write: "Crullers Rule!" or something and cut and paste.
Ellid
Can we change our votes? The more I think about it the better I like #1. That jaunty little fez does it every time.
Krista
@Comrade Mary:
Thanks, hon! And yes, the morning-afternoon-evening queasiness is now gone. Hurrah! So we celebrated last night by going out to a place that has awesome ribs. But they were out of ribs, so I was a tad bitter about that. I had the clams and chips instead, and they were quite good. And Himself got me a chocolate cake, so that definitely helped soothe the sting of my rib-based disappointment.
John S.
Thanks for the tips, Adam CB.
Whatever John decides to go with, I already told him I would redo it and incorporate some of the better suggestions here. No logo has ever been done satisfactorily on the first round – not even joke ones on blogs named ‘Balloon Juice’.
Mentis Fugit
@OriGuy:
Yes, yes, YES! The very phrase that popped into my head.
So how many Arabic-speaking Monty Python fans are there?