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You are here: Home / Politics / Hell Hath No Fury

Hell Hath No Fury

by John Cole|  March 1, 20094:43 pm| 82 Comments

This post is in: Politics

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Like a small businessman scorned:

To many in Old Town Alexandria, the sex shop that opened recently on King Street is nothing short of scandalous, a historical desecration just blocks from the boyhood home of Robert E. Lee.

But to Michael Zarlenga, it’s justice.

Zarlenga spent $350,000 on plans to expand his hunting and fishing store, the Trophy Room. He worked with city officials for almost two years and thought he had their support — until the architectural review board told him he couldn’t alter the historic property.L

Furious and out of money, Zarlenga rented the space to its newest occupant, Le Tache.

“I can’t say I didn’t know it would ruffle feathers,” said Zarlenga, 41. “Actually, I was hoping for a fast-food chain because I thought that would be more annoying to the city.”

***

Zarlenga’s saga with the building dates to 2001, when he opened his hunting and fishing store. In 2006, he bought the building with the idea of renovating and expanding it to include more retail space, a bathroom and an elevator.

He hired a Washington architectural firm, which created eight designs for the project. The final one included plans to raise the roof on the back of the building and demolish a small section of a historic brick wall that was built about 1800. Most of the back wall would have been incorporated into the renovation.

Zarlenga said he consulted Alexandria’s historical preservation staff along the way to be sure everyone was on board with his plans. He said he relied heavily on the advice of Peter Smith, who at the time was the principal staff member of the city’s Board of Architectural Review.

But when the project came before the review board in 2007, it was rejected partly on Smith’s recommendation that it would cause an “unreasonable loss of historic fabric.” Zarlenga said Smith did not explain to him why he changed his mind. Smith has since died.

***

Zarlenga said he felt as though the rug had been pulled out from under him. He appealed to the City Council but lost in September 2007. Council members suggested he go back to the staff of the architectural review board and submit new plans.

For Zarlenga, it was the final straw. He choked back tears as he told the council he was finished: “I have no faith in the staff. . . . They have completely taken the integrity, as I see it, out of the system. . . . The simple fact is there’s no money left, okay?”

***

And there’s another piece of Zarlenga real estate that might start causing buzz. He owns a shuttered, dilapidated building several blocks away at Princess and Royal streets. Some of the broken windows have been patched with duct tape.

“As far as I’m concerned, that corner will always be an eyesore,” Zarlenga said. “That’s a little slice of revenge.”

I can’t say I didn’t laugh at Zarlenga’s revenge, but what else could he do? They ran him into the ground. At any rate, this dovetails nicely with this Matt Yglesias post from the other day pointing out that most of the things that annoy libertarians and small-government types happen at the local level, yet the debate and the fights about things are always at the federal level.

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82Comments

  1. 1.

    ricky

    March 1, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    Years ago I visited a friend living in Berkeley. We were amazed at the fate of a guy who persuaded local officials to approve his opening a hot dog restaurant in a shopping center. When activist neighbors complained the city shut him down claiming he had violated local ordinances since they did not approve of his sale of "condiments."

  2. 2.

    Conservatively Liberal

    March 1, 2009 at 4:55 pm

    Historic preservation is fine as long as it is reasonable. This was not and I think he handled it very well. If they want to preserve the building then let them buy it and have at it. They knew what he was proposing, they worked with him and he with them and in the end it was all for naught.

    Stupid bureaucrats. I am glad that he got the last laugh.

  3. 3.

    El Cid

    March 1, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    People who venerate ‘local government’ as some sort of sanctified ground of pure democracy over ‘the damn fedrul burahkrasee’ have either no idea of the disgusting pettiness and corruption of local government, or they do know and benefit from it.

    I know of more than a few cases where approvals for local zoning / development etc. end in cash payments to local politicians, but no one at the paying end wants to do sh*t to change it, ’cause the ones who can afford the bribes / extortion get what they want.

  4. 4.

    Bob In Pacifica

    March 1, 2009 at 5:00 pm

    "Yeah, I’ll take that one. And do you have four AA batteries?"

  5. 5.

    cosanostradamus

    March 1, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    .
    This sounds bass-ackwards. He should have gone to the Board at the earliest possible stage, and kept them in the loop the whole time. If he was advised to go ahead, he should have gotten everything in writing, and sued them jointly & severally if they reneged on promises, agreements or approvals.

    Before (allegedly) spending all that money, he should have paid for professional advice from planners, lawyers & realtors familiar with local procedures. A lot of these cases come down to somebody trying to bull or sleaze around rules & procedures that are clear to them in advance. Even the government itself tries this kind of sh*t from time to time, going around EIS procedures and so on.

    If their procedures were not clear, consistent and publicized, it’s the board’s fault, though. But not otherwise. I mean, had the guy never heard of Robert E. Lee? In Virginia?
    .

  6. 6.

    The Moar You Know

    March 1, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    I can’t say I didn’t laugh at Zarlenga’s revenge, but what else could he do? They ran him into the ground.

    I’m not laughing. They may not have, strictly speaking, ruined his life, but they fucked him over good and hard. I hope they have bondage shows in the window.

    Not many people pay attention to their local politics, which is a shame – national politics makes for excellent theater but the things that government does that affect the daily lives of the citizenry are almost always local decisions.

    The one exception I can think of is the ADA. If you’re in my part of town and can’t find a restroom, well, the ADA forced us to close our building to the public, as we can’t afford $300,000 for an elevator to be fully ADA compliant. Sorry about that.

  7. 7.

    Punchy

    March 1, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    Its all about corruption and kickbacks. If he had found a way to "donate" a tenth of that to the mayor’s son’s soccer team, that fishing store is open.

  8. 8.

    calipygian

    March 1, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    As someone who lives nearby, I, for one, am not laughing. I am not a prude. I like a good sex shop. Just not in the middle of downtown Alexandria, one of the few well preserved, truly historic towns more than 200 years old in the United States. Ninety nine percent of the NoVa area would be appropriate for an adult oriented shop. Hell, 99 percent of Alexandria would be appropriate. If there is one thing NoVa needs its a strip club or two without pasties. But there is about a six block stretch of King Street that is begging for being blocked off to traffic and pedestrianized, and this place sits right in the middle of it.

    Like I said – I’m no prude. But, speaking as someone who actually lives here, this is the wrong thing in the wrong place.

    This is kind of karma for the city getting Potomac Guns closed.

    Its kind of a tragedy, really. There are a lot of businesses going under on King Street. And King Street has avoided the kind of homogenization that has occurred in other places like Times Square, or downtowns San Luis Obispo or Napa. I would hate to see downtown Alexandria go back to seed because of a stupid city commission and a vengeful local businessman.

  9. 9.

    calipygian

    March 1, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    By the way – Alexandria does have bloggers who are plugged into local politics. There is one particularly good blog, the Parker-Gray Growler that covers politics in the historically black district near Braddock Road Metro.

    One of the city council members who comments there is always bitching about the anonymous commenters.

  10. 10.

    Glocksman

    March 1, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    that most of the things that annoy libertarians and small-government types happen at the local level

    Heh, Indeedy..

    Locally the Shriners ran afoul of the busybodies..er..historic preservation commission when they couldn’t get permission to demolish a rundown unoccupied old house to use the lot for clubhouse parking.

    When the club couldn’t get official permission to do so, the club basically said ‘fuck it’, tore the building down anyway and claimed it was a paperwork error. :)

    The commission was pissed but the city declined to do anything about it other than issue a ‘don’t do it again’ letter.

  11. 11.

    smiley

    March 1, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    @cosanostradamus:

    This sounds bass-ackwards. He should have gone to the Board at the earliest possible stage, and kept them in the loop the whole time. If he was advised to go ahead, he should have gotten everything in writing, and sued them jointly & severally if they reneged on promises, agreements or approvals.

    That’s right. I’m not a lawyer but I come from a family full of them so even I, egghead, head-in-the-clouds, ivory tower, LIBERAL, academic knows that much.

    smiley +2

  12. 12.

    smiley

    March 1, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    @Glocksman:

    Locally the Shriners ran afoul of the busybodies..er..historic preservation commission when they couldn’t get permission to demolish a rundown unoccupied old house to use the lot for clubhouse parking.

    A little OT but back in the sixties, the local business leaders and chamber of commerce types wanted to turn Savannah into a mini Atlanta. Local .. er.. historical preservation types banded together and saved Savannah. Tourism is now the biggest industry there and it wouldn’t be without the .. er.. historical preservation efforts.

  13. 13.

    JenJen

    March 1, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    Also, Old Town Alexandria is, like, The Capital of The Village.

    I would hate living there, and could never afford it at any rate, but I do adore its charm and ambience, and whenever I’m in DC I always stay at this great little Hampton right on King Street.

    This story gave me my heartiest LOL since this morning, when, at the beginning of "This Week With George Snuffleupagus", learned that Karl Rove was going to be on the roundtable and just went ahead and deleted the thing without watching it.

  14. 14.

    Glocksman

    March 1, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    @Punchy:

    Its all about corruption and kickbacks. If he had found a way to "donate" a tenth of that to the mayor’s son’s soccer team, that fishing store is open.

    You’re not kidding.

    Our previous Mayor lost 2-1 when he ran for re-election because he pushed for building a minor league baseball stadium downtown.

    IIRC, the team that would have occupied the stadium was an LA Dodgers farm team that moved around from town to town more than a band of gypsies.

    The idea as so unpopular that the Republican Mayor even lost the heavily Republican First Ward.

    Our current Democratic Mayor wants to build a new mulitpurpose arena downtown, despite the fact that the city already owns Roberts Stadium.

    The only people I know who think building a new arena downtown is a good idea are downtown property owners and the contstruction unions.

    Everyone else seems to think that since we already own the land where the current stadium is, it’d be better to just tear it down and build a new arena on the site.

    But that wouldn’t put money into the pockets of the local bigwigs who own a lot of nearly worthless land downtown.

  15. 15.

    Brian J

    March 1, 2009 at 5:32 pm

    Unless the city plans to reimburse him in some way, he has every right to be pissed, I’m not really sure what the money could have been spent on without the plans actually going through, but still, it’s an enormous sum for any small business.

    You’re absolutely right when you mention that most of the decisions that affect daily lives happen at the state and local levels, when libertarians are not always paying attention. Of course, that’s not nearly annoying as many of them taking a few arbitrary decisions like this and casting some sort of negative glow on any type of regulation. Like anything else in life, there’s bound to be pluses and minuses, and it should be taken on a case by case basis.

  16. 16.

    Glocksman

    March 1, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    @smiley:

    The house the shriners demolished was boarded up and rotting.
    If the local busybodies wanted to save it, they should have ponied up the money to do so instead of insisting that the Shriners bear the cost.

    Given all of the good work the Shriners do with their children’s hospitals, public sympathy in this town was squarely on their side.

  17. 17.

    Mojotron

    March 1, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    Years ago I worked at a sign store in Old Town and can echo the story told in the Post. The review board has to approve all signs, the signs have to be "historic", they won’t tell you what historic is until you submit it to the review board, and the review board is inconsistent, unhelpful, and not really accountable. It’s not like they’re a power-mad neighborhood association or anything, but it seemed like their definition of historic would mutate over time for no reason- a sign that would get shot down in one meeting would get approved in the next with some really silly change, while a carbon copy of an approved design would get shot down with no reason given.

    If he wants to get the people on his side, he should open an updated Video Vault in the other building.

  18. 18.

    Brian J

    March 1, 2009 at 5:35 pm

    @calipygian:

    I can understand what you’re saying, but if the people really, truly don’t want a sex shop there, it will go out of business before long.

  19. 19.

    AhabTRuler

    March 1, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    Oh, My heaven’s no. How dare we desecrate the boyhood home of a traitor with false penises and vulva-shaped candies.

  20. 20.

    AhabTRuler

    March 1, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    Next up: digging up Arlington cemetery, ’cause we wouldn’t want to disrupt Mrs. Lee’s Crocuses.

  21. 21.

    smiley

    March 1, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    @Glocksman: Agreed and I believe the folks in Savannah did indeed raise money to save some sites. That said, if they hadn’t raised the money, those historical sites would be gone. You equated historical preservation with busybodyism. Not always the case. Sometimes it’s civic pride.

  22. 22.

    calipygian

    March 1, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    I can understand what you’re saying, but if the people really, truly don’t want a sex shop there, it will go out of business before long.

    I thought about that, too. "The market has spoken" and all that. The problem is that King Street gets a lot of out of towners and daytrippers, people who will go in and purchase things on a whim or as a gag. It’s not likely to be closed by market forces soon.

    I don’t think that a sex shop means that King St turns into the 300 block of Baltimore Street in Balmer. And I’m not even agin’ it if it remains (and I can’t believe I’m writing this) "tasteful". But now, what kind of worm can has been opened if the Commonwealth steps in and closes the place citing "public morals"?

    I would have hated to see another Starbucks or Burger King to go in there, but this has the potential to get pretty ugly. Maybe a McDonalds there would have been a good thing in comparison.

    Things could have been handled better on all sides, that is for sure.

  23. 23.

    AhabTRuler

    March 1, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    The problem is that King Street gets a lot of out of towners and daytrippers, people who will go in and purchase things on a whim or as a gag.

    What, because nobody who lives in Alexandria would patronize a sex shop? Or is simply that they wouldn’t want to be seen to do so.

  24. 24.

    calipygian

    March 1, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    What, because nobody who lives in Alexandria would patronize a sex shop?

    I’ve spent the better part of the last decade trying to get laid in this town and I’m pretty convinced that no woman in Alexandria needs or wants anything from a sex shop.

  25. 25.

    Napoleon

    March 1, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    @The Moar You Know:

    The one exception I can think of is the ADA. If you’re in my part of town and can’t find a restroom, well, the ADA forced us to close our building to the public, as we can’t afford $300,000 for an elevator to be fully ADA compliant.

    Ah, the ADA does not require you to retrofit a building to meet ADA. If you renovate the renovation must meet ADA, but you don’t need to retrofit, just like if you have a house from the 1940’s you don’t need to retrofit to meet current electrical standards (like an out let every 6 feet on walls).

  26. 26.

    Polish the Guillotines

    March 1, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    @ricky:

    Years ago I visited a friend living in Berkeley

    As I read this article, the first thing that came to mind was the Berkeley city council and building commission. When I lived there I used to watch them on local cable. Totally incompetent and totally turf-bound. I miss some things about Berkeley, but the local politics is not one of them.

  27. 27.

    Mike in NC

    March 1, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    Old Town Alexandria is, like, The Capital of The Village.

    But not quite so much as Georgetown, Chevy Chase, or Capitol Hill itself. Having lived in Alexandria for many years, I’d say the people in charge of Old Town have a long standing reputation for being less evil than stupid.

    I would hate living there, and could never afford it at any rate, but I do adore its charm and ambience, and whenever I’m in DC I always stay at this great little Hampton right on King Street.

    In this economy the number of shops and restaurants folding up must be astounding. Not many people can afford to live or run a business there even in good times.

    This story gave me my heartiest LOL since this morning, when, at the beginning of "This Week With George Snuffleupagus", learned that Karl Rove was going to be on the roundtable and just went ahead and deleted the thing without watching it.

    Why lose a perfectly good Sunday breakfast listening to Turd Blossom?

  28. 28.

    AhabTRuler

    March 1, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    I’ve spent the better part of the last decade trying to get laid in this town and I’m pretty convinced that no woman in Alexandria needs or wants anything from a sex shop.

    Fair ‘nough.

  29. 29.

    Glocksman

    March 1, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    @smiley:

    There are local groups that do raise money for historic preservation and I applaud their efforts as I have nothing against historic preservation in principle.

    The ‘busybody’ flame was aimed at those who won’t put their money where their mouths are and the often arbitrary and capricious way the commissions operate.

    One bit of local history that has been saved is the old Vanderburgh County Courthouse.

    Ironically enough, back in 2000 I was in Indianapolis overnight and stayed at the Westin.

    In the morning I was waiting for my ride outside and commented to the doorman that the building across the street looked a lot like the old courthouse in my town.

    He said ‘It’s the state capitol and you must be from Evansville’.

    I’m ashamed to say that I thought it was a courthouse and had no idea it was the state capitol building. :)

  30. 30.

    robertdsc

    March 1, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    Oh, My heaven’s no. How dare we desecrate the boyhood home of a traitor

    This was my first thought.

  31. 31.

    [delurk]...[/delurk]

    March 1, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    This is the very point of the whole right-wing obsession with devolution of government to ever smaller and smaller chunks. Aside from the fact that that makes it easier to drown in the bathtub, do you think they don’t know that oppression is local, and the more local, the worse? My ass they don’t!

    I love their straw-man devil of "One World Government," too. I say bring it on! You think a government that controls the whole world can be arsed to micromanage your sex life or what kind of shop goes in what building? Don’t make me laugh! Bring on the World Government, abolish government by local hooligans!

  32. 32.

    Comrade Stuck

    March 1, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    It proves there’s more than one way to fight City Hall. Haunt their dreams with a neighborhood Dildo Store .

  33. 33.

    Eric U.

    March 1, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    Wasn’t Lee a better class of traitor?

    There is a bit of a conflict here, if that section of town didn’t have standards, then it wouldn’t be as attractive. I hate to say it, but they probably wanted some other kind of store there. But that is the very definition of corruption, and what they are getting now is what they deserve.

  34. 34.

    Comrade Scrutinizer

    March 1, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    How dare we desecrate the boyhood home of a traitor

    Yepyep. And what’s up with venerating those treasonous, seditious, so-called "founding fathers"? Every damned one of them should receive the Oliver Cromwell treatment.

  35. 35.

    Martin

    March 1, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    I’ve spent the better part of the last decade trying to get laid in this town and I’m pretty convinced that no woman in Alexandria needs or wants anything from a sex shop.

    Maybe you have it backward. Maybe that’s the only thing they want and you’re now obsolete.

  36. 36.

    smiley

    March 1, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    @Glocksman: Cool, we’re mostly on the same page.

  37. 37.

    AnneLaurie

    March 1, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    "Rather than the small scale of the units leading to better policy via competition, what seems to me to happen is that the lack of public attention paid to policymaking at the state, county, and municipal level leads to much more pure interest-group capture than you see on the federal level. Not that interest groups don’t have a lot of clout in federal politics. But the relatively competitive nature of elections and the relatively bright spotlight shown on national politics puts a check on these things. At the state level, bad policy really runs amok."

    Well, duuuuh, Yglesias! Why did you think the treason-in-support-of-slavery, anti-immigrants-and-other-people-who-don’t-look-just-like-them, sex-fixated, bible-humping thieves and misogynists enshrined the term "States’ Rights" in the first place? Sure, if they could only garner the strength to force every American to live out whatever weird blend of The Last Hurrah, Nat Turner’s Diary, and the Handmaid’s Tale excites their overactive spite glands, they’d be all over it like Limbaugh on oxycontin. But what they really want is just the "right" to do Whatever The Heck They Want with their Very Own Property… including ‘their’ women, ‘their’ kids, ‘their’ public commons, and ‘their’ ten commandments.

  38. 38.

    The Other Steve

    March 1, 2009 at 6:17 pm

    This is a bit like the Uptown area here in Minneapolis. There’s a small shopping center there which has always struggled. A local businessman purchased it and started talking about plans to expand the center and build a taller building. Like 10 stories of condo space, with two levels of retail at the bottom.

    It was a pretty good plan, I thought, and certainly fit the neighborhood better than the Westin condo project at the Galleria.

    But the local residents had a fit. They didn’t want a tall building in their neighborhood, it’d destroy the dynamics, blah blah blah.

    Keep in mind that these uptown folks are the very same people who complain endlessly about urban sprawl.

  39. 39.

    AhabTRuler

    March 1, 2009 at 6:17 pm

    @Comrade Scrutinizer:
    Reading: U R DOIN IT RONG!

    R. E. Lee =/ founding father

  40. 40.

    Chuck Butcher

    March 1, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    I am a construction contractor, my house is an 1870s Victorian (very nearly the oldest existing in town) which I have rebuilt and and doubled in size. People asked me repeatedly if I used any of the tax breaks and incentives from historical preservation sources. No, not anything including asking them a single question or in anyway communicating with them.

    From the outside you would hard put to tell that I doubled the size and the interior reflects Victorian architecture. The siding I had custom milled does look in better condition than the original, but the exterior treatments are copies of the original to having false exterior window sills on the vinyl low-e windows. There is one of the crunch points, those windows match the size and design of originals but they are not wood sash, they are disallowed and their cost would have tripled to meet requirements. There are other issues I won’t go into but the place would fail. My kitchen and dining room are salvaged 1890 maple ballroom floor, the doors are inconsistent with the historically available products – much nicer, but wrong.

    Sometimes you have to deal with these boards and the only hope you have is if there are established and consistent standards, in my town I am allowed to remove a section of wall if I can show it remains consistent to design and is minimal destruction or destruction required by safety.

    We had a major dust up over our local art deco movie theater being renovated into a tri-plex – after the fact. An unclear fire sprinkler ordinance came into question. It was finally resolved only after the 1 month closing (the injunction delayed closing – 6 month) of the only theater in 50 miles – not a happy making sort of situation, especially for parents. (50 miles one direction across a mountain range, 65 miles the other across 2 foothill ranges and both through dangerous in the winter canyons) Things got hot and rude for awhile, very.

  41. 41.

    cosanostradamus

    March 1, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    @smiley:

    .
    Yeah. It makes me suspicious when somebody does something like this and then blames it all on somebody else. "Them damn bureaucrats." Or, whatever, dude.

    The guy says he owns two properties in this small, special district. It would be unreasonable to assume that he did not in fact buy them BECAUSE they were in that district, knowing full well that the properties there are more valuable BECAUSE of the district’s historic character, which only continues to exist because it is protected. He tries to mess with that special character for his own profit, and he gets caught at it.

    His response is to use both of his properties to trash the whole district? Either he’s a retard, or his plan all along has been to lower property values there and then scarf up some cheap real estate. Then he can come into compliance, and pump the values back up again and cash in on sales or leases.

    Or he might actually be a retard. He spent most of $350,000 on PLANS???!!! Eight revisions of one set of plans for renovating a gun shop? What was it going to be called, the Taj MahGun? And yet he never officially ran any of those plans past the Board? Either he’s lying about all those plans and all that money or he’s a stupid, capricious idiot who got what he deserved. (Bet he drove the designers nuts with all his revisions.)

    If any of you folks don’t like the character of your local Boards, why don’t you run for a seat on one of them? They frequently go unopposed, in many places. I’ll bet most of the whiners have never even been to a public meeting of any kind.

    Say what you will, it’s still a democracy. A PARTICIPATORY democracy. In my experience, the loudest whiners are those who participate the least. Go out and DO something, or STFU! The problem with the system is you.
    .

  42. 42.

    AhabTRuler

    March 1, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    @cosanostradamus: Methinks that thou hast never been to Ye Olde Alexandria.

  43. 43.

    Original Lee

    March 1, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    @Mojotron: Exactly.

    Also what JenJen said.

    I had noticed the sex shop the last time I was in Old Town and wondered how it got there. Now I know.

    My church (not in historic Old Town) is currently trying to expand the main part of the building to include more classroom space and to improve ADA compliance. The total area of our intended addition is about 4,000 square feet (footprint=2,000 square feet). Way back when the plans for building the church were first submitted, we had to include a master plan with anticipated future use of the site for the next 50-75 years. This addition was included in the master plan, but needed retooling because of ADA. So our new plans for the addition did not exactly match the master plan. Oops.

    We began the process last spring, and the rules keep changing as we work our way through the process, and somehow the rule changes always mean that we have to do another loop with the architect and the engineer and the Groundwater Management Board and the neighborhood associations of the 4 neighborhoods around the church.

    To make a long story short, we have already spent over $150,000 and were informed by the architect and the engineer that we were likely to need $1M to get to the point of breaking ground on the addition. Yes, you read that correctly: $1M to get to the point where we have all of the permits and permissions and whatnot to be able to break ground. And if we don’t finish the project in less than 3 years once we break ground (i.e., the fire marshal, the county inspectors, etc. have signed off that we’re OK to use the space), we have to pay even more money to get the extension and might have to pay fines, besides.

    It’s totally ridiculous. And this kind of bureaucratic shit happens even for small residential modifications. My friends recently decided to turn their deck into a sunroom. It cost, in the end, $75,000 and took 2.5 years.

    So, apologies to calypygian, but I think the sex shop is definitely karma for the way Alexandria works.

  44. 44.

    aimai

    March 1, 2009 at 6:30 pm

    Zoning is a bitch, and I say that and I live in a non historic house in a non historic district in the "most opinionated zip code" in the country aka cambridge. Every house is "non conforming" because they are all built on lots that are too small and they are too close to the neighbors. To move a window on the side of your house, even a few inches, requires "getting a variance" and the entire system is geared towards dealing with people with lawyers rather than homeowners. So I can well imagine that it cost that guy a huge amount of money drawing up plans and sitting with his lawyer at variance hearings waiting to be called up. I had to sit for four hours, with the clock ticking, to go up there with my architect to ask for permission to add a bow window to the back of my house and I didn’t even get around to trying to move side windows. They broke my spirit.

    I’m pro zoning and regulation of changes and I don’t object to being turned down for wanting to make inappropriate changes (I wasn’t btw) but there is simply no excuse for the bastardized way these things go through. Its impossible to tell what the standards are before hand, no one can give you an authoritative "yes" or "no" early enough in the process to save you money, and you have to pay a fortune to sit through the meetings and watch other people get turned down. Its absurd and just another example of how the less real status and power a job has the more people abuse it.
    aimai

  45. 45.

    Original Lee

    March 1, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    And for you doubters about the 8 sets of plans, every time you have a set of plans and are ready to ask for a permit, you submit the plans to the city. The city has 90 days to respond. Most of the time, whoever is supposed to review the plans waits until day 89 to look at the plans, picks on ONE THING that is not up to his or her satisfaction, stamps the whole application with a big fat red REJECTED, and sends it back to you. You, of course, take this big packet of documents back to your architect. Your architect has to call Whosis to find out what is wrong, or if it’s a really big project, take Whosis out to lunch to find out what is wrong. Then the architect gets back to you, you work out how to fix whatever it is, you prepare a WHOLE NEW APPLICATION, submit it again, WITH FEES. This, my children, is how you blow $350,000 on 8 sets of plans and still not get approval for your building project.

  46. 46.

    cosanostradamus

    March 1, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    @AhabTRuler:

    I passed through it once many years ago. Didn’t much care for it. But what I said applies to every jurisdiction in this country.

    If you don’t like the way your town or county does business, run for office and change it.

    And hire a professional contractor to do the work. Let him fight ’em. He should know how, at least.
    .

  47. 47.

    Napoleon

    March 1, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    @cosanostradamus:

    Yeah. It makes me suspicious when somebody does something like this and then blames it all on somebody else. "Them damn bureaucrats." Or, whatever, dude

    His story smells to high heaven. I think its BS – he tried a fast one and the locals called him on it, and in a hissy fit he rented to the sex shop.

  48. 48.

    Comrade Stuck

    March 1, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    @aimai:

    Zoning is a bitch

    One of the many reasons I live in Podunk NM. If I want to put up a giant statue Cate Blanchett in my yard, I just ask the nearest Coyote if it’s OK, and do it regardless.

    Used to run a business in the city where you had to ask permission to take a shit, or get a permit. No mas.

  49. 49.

    The Moar You Know

    March 1, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    Ah, the ADA does not require you to retrofit a building to meet ADA.

    @Napoleon: Yes it does.

    With one caveat – if you’re not open to the public, you don’t have to retrofit. So now we aren’t.

    I loathe using my local rag as a reference source, but one of the biggest ADA suit filers is a local and the practice has gotten a lot of attention that it wouldn’t have otherwise.

  50. 50.

    cosanostradamus

    March 1, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    @Napoleon:

    Yeah. If he’d hired a competent, reputable, professional local general contractor, he might have saved himself a lot of trouble. Their skill set includes knowing how to deal with the bureaucratic BS. Nobody likes it, but it has a purpose, and there’s no getting around it. If this guy didn’t know that, he had more money than brains.

    Changing the system requires work. Do the work or live with the way things are. Whining accomplishes nothing.
    .

  51. 51.

    AhabTRuler

    March 1, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    Q:Who serves on the Boards of Architectural Review?

    A: The Board members are residents of Alexandria who are appointed by City Council. Any interested party may apply to serve on the Board. Two of the seven Board members must be architects. Each Board member serves a 3-year term. After the term expires, the member must reapply to the Board. Board vacancies are advertised through the Citizens Assistance Office.

    Here.

  52. 52.

    Bill H

    March 1, 2009 at 7:05 pm

    Ah, the ADA does not require you to retrofit a building to meet ADA.

    Maybe not, but if someone who is handicapped sues you for not being in compliance, you not only have to pay them for the "suffering" they were subjected to as a result of your noncompliance, but you then have to retrofit to meet standards.

    We have a lawyer, a handicapped person, in San Diego who files over 600 such suits per year. Makes a great living settling out of court, and many businesses have closed as a result of his suits. It has been asserted that many of his suits are the result of him simply driving past a business and noticing the noncompliance.

    The City of San Diego had to spend several million retrofitting Qualcomm Stadium as a result of such a suit, and had to pay the Chargers millions more for lost ticket sales revenue due to the reduction of the number of seats.

  53. 53.

    Napoleon

    March 1, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    @The Moar You Know:

    No it doesn’t – here is a link to the Code of Federal Regulations on ADA (WARNING – large PDF file). Here is the introductory provision which makes it crystal clear:

    (1) General. All areas of newly designed or
    newly constructed buildings and facilities
    required to be accessible by 4.1.2 and 4.1.3 and
    altered portions of existing buildings and
    facilities required to be accessible by 4.1.6
    shall comply with these guidelines, 4.1
    through 4.35, unless otherwise provided in
    this section or as modified in a special application
    section.

    http://www.ada.gov/adastd94.pdf

  54. 54.

    Napoleon

    March 1, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    @Bill H:

    but you then have to retrofit to meet standards.

    No you do not, it only applies to new construction and parts you have altered. Now maybe its easier to just comply instead of paying your attorney, but that doesn’t mean you actually would be forced to if you forced them to prove their case.

  55. 55.

    Karen

    March 1, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    When I read this story, I really thought he got one over on them, which they richly deserved.

    But them running him into the ground the way they did, too bad they won’t have to answer for it.

    All in the name of "historical preservation".

    Bull

  56. 56.

    The Moar You Know

    March 1, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    @Napoleon: I read it quite a while ago. I understand the law. I went over the law with a bunch of lawyers. That wasn’t cheap. I understand what the law says, but what the law says and the way it has been interpreted by the judiciary are two completely different things.

    For example – from the ADA website:

    Q. What are the limitations on the obligation to make a reasonable accommodation?

    A. The individual with a disability requiring the accommodation must be otherwise qualified, and the disability must be known to the employer. In addition, an employer is not required to make an accommodation if it would impose an "undue hardship" on the operation of the employer’s business. "Undue hardship" is defined as an "action requiring significant difficulty or expense" when considered in light of a number of factors. These factors include the nature and cost of the accommodation in relation to the size, resources, nature, and structure of the employer’s operation. Undue hardship is determined on a case-by-case basis. Where the facility making the accommodation is part of a larger entity, the structure and overall resources of the larger organization would be considered, as well as the financial and administrative relationship of the facility to the larger organization. In general, a larger employer with greater resources would be expected to make accommodations requiring greater effort or expense than would be required of a smaller employer with fewer resources.

    "Undue hardship" – a (by their admission) wholly undefined standard. Could be anything from fifty bucks to bankruptcy. Thanks, I’ll just lock the doors instead.

    @Bill H: Ahh, another local. Glad you bought that up, that guy is the reason we locked the doors.

    That guy bankrupted a bunch of people. You can’t win in litigation against a self-appointed "gadfly" who has a law license and no job; his time is free. My lawyer is $300 per hour.

  57. 57.

    HRA

    March 1, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    My brother-in-law bought a downtown building on one of the main thoroughfares. About 20-30 years later, the historic society came around and put up a plaque stating the historic value of his building. He had already done the inside renovation shortly after he had bought it and never had any intentions of doing anything outside. What he did get was some free media coverage.

    I have been to the local board a few times. It’s a joke. They meet and decide on each case before the public meeting begins. The last time I went was for a permit to install a deck around my house. I had to ask for 3 feet in front even though the neighbor’s house extends a good 10 feet beyond mine in front. I may be wrong here in citing what I thought was the last most stupid question I heard during my public interview. "Are you going to store anything under the deck?" Huh? [Sure I am going to crawl in about 3 feet tops of head room?]

  58. 58.

    ET

    March 1, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    I too found this story a bit funny. It seems to me that historice associations and homeowners associations don’t always balance things well. I often wonder if they are even consistent.

    Saything that, I am from New Orleans and back in the 1950’s or 1960’s – when tearing out the old and building new was the craze (because all old was bad or some such) they wanted to put a highway straigth through one significant quarter of the French Quarter. There was no historic presevation at the time but one was created. Luckily instead the highway skirts the Quarter (even though a lot of cool stuff was torn down and the area around it is a bit of a dead zone now) which is better than go right though it.

  59. 59.

    cosanostradamus

    March 1, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    .
    Yeah good buddy! Them DAMN cripples is bleedin us real Murkins DRY! Buncha SOCIALISTS an’ thur TRAHL LOYAHS!

    Bullsh*t. Typical neocon bullsh*t.

    Qualcomm was renovated in 1997. The ADA was passed in 1990. If they were out of compliance, it was their own stupid fault. Why should some property-owners be exempt from the law the rest of us have to follow? Is it because they set out to flaunt laws they don’t like, for ideological reasons?

    People have rights. Get used to it. Property ownership & development is subject to laws & regulations. Get used to it. Were you born yesterday, or on the Moon?
    .

  60. 60.

    John Cole

    March 1, 2009 at 7:48 pm

    @cosanostradamus: I don’t know who you are responding to, but I helped run a clothing store in the middle 90’s when everyone on my street was conforming to ADA laws, and it was very expensive and a total pain in the ass. Now, I admit it is a worthwhile goal, but your over the top response is one reason why the Republicans were able to get into and maintain power for so long. You have no fucking idea how frustrating it is to work 80 hours a week to make a go of it with a business, be barely making it and have more than one month when you earned nothing for your labors because you could not afford to pay your help, your electric, your suppliers, your employees, and still draw a salary, and then have the government force you to spend 10-20k in renovations when you have never once in 15 years had a person in a wheelchair come into your store. Now maybe they are more likely to with easier access, but you are just being a jackass.

  61. 61.

    Napoleon

    March 1, 2009 at 7:48 pm

    @The Moar You Know:

    You may not realize I am a real estate attorney. You are simply wrong.

  62. 62.

    Napoleon

    March 1, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    @John Cole:

    Of course a major force behind passing the ADA was Bob Dole.

  63. 63.

    John Cole

    March 1, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    @Napoleon: Look, on balance, I think it is good we do these things. But what pisses me off is the callous dismissal of business owner’s concerns. Sure, there are a lot of pricks out there who could afford to do this and are just being jackasses, but for a lot of businesses, there is a razor-thin margin of error regarding the success and failure in the business, and to come in with a “FUCK YOU HANDICAP HATER NEOCON PRICK” attitude just pisses me off.

  64. 64.

    The Moar You Know

    March 1, 2009 at 8:08 pm

    @Napoleon: You are looking at this through the lens of the law. I understand that. I read the law, and understand it. You are technically right. That doesn’t help me a bit.

    I am looking at this through the lens of a business owner who cannot afford to shell out $20,000 to defend myself from a lawsuit-happy jerkoff with a law license. Even if I’m right, that’s the minimum it will cost me. It’s easier for me to kick out the downstairs tenant and her little sales shop, since we only made a few hundred bucks a month on her anyway, and just lock down the building.

  65. 65.

    The Moar You Know

    March 1, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    @cosanostradamus: If I may ask, what is your point? I don’t own Qualcomm. I own a thirty-year old building in a business park, and deemed it best to stop letting the public use our downstairs bathroom due to the potential for a lawsuit I can’t afford.

  66. 66.

    Chuck Butcher

    March 1, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    There are two pieces to this, for the very largest part the regulations have good intent but you have to be very careful to stay inside them or exceed them, that is your responsibility.

    When authority is not clear or arbitrarily applied w/o clear or actual rules you have a serious problem and can find yourself having spent a lot of money trying to comply and refused. Or granted without meeting the goals or ends.

    The first is what I avoided in my house, I took a pass on benefits because I knew the costs of obtaining them. Our downtown is becoming over time a very nice and desirable place and for the largest part no one has problems.

    The second case seems to come about more because of the way the ordinances are written to allow a certain amount of flexibility and a board deciding to be stupid. You can wind up living with a stupid board for a rather long time in relationship to a construction project’s timelines. Going to court really sucks, especially if the ordinance is messy. They tend to be.

    You’re trying to write an ordinance that covers a lot of ground with a subject that has huge numbers of variables and conditions. If my house had already had a plaque on it, it would have had to stay as was and that wasn’t desirable at all. Not for any owner. The interference would have meant too high costs for the property value. Fortunately for me, nobody "famous" or notable had lived in it and as the "double wide" of Victorian times nobody thought it important. Our Historic Downtown post dates my house by twenty years, there is no house on the Historic Register in town that doesn’t post date it by at least 15 years.

    My third bedroom and office are split leveled underneath a continuation of the original roof line, it is a completely non-Victorian design that allows exterior continuity and interior space with available footprint area. You’d like it, and it has the spirit or taste of the period, but it isn’t at all.

  67. 67.

    Chuck Butcher

    March 1, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    ADA turns into a huge headache where the building is either unsuitable for the mods or the site is unsuitable and you wind up with an existing building you can’t improve so it stays as is.

  68. 68.

    Brian J

    March 1, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    @calipygian:

    There’s enough tourism in the area to support a business like that even if the vast majority of the residents don’t go there? Damn. I really don’t know what else to say except that perhaps the owner will get over it and either move on or do something else that will be more profitable.

  69. 69.

    William

    March 1, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    @John Cole

    I totally understand your frustrations. If anything, this is one of those issues where conservatism has been a complete disaster for small businesses.

    I used to have to go to city council meetings and state legislative sessions in a former life (back when the world had a lot more newspaper reporters). At the state and local level, the spokespeople for the small business community were invariably Chamber of Commerce types and individuals who had watched way too much Rush Limbaugh.

    They hated the regulations and fought them tough and nail. They didn’t want to negotiate or communicate the very real downsides to implementing the plans. They wanted to yell and bad-mouth the bureaucrats. The government planners and many legislatures got to see them as the enemy.

    So, when they lost these issues, they lost big. They missed the opportunity to soften legislation and make their points to the other side because they were adamantly opposed to the idea of legislating how they did business. They were extremely indoctrinated in conservative thought and expressed themselves accordingly. Had they been a little savvier and a little less ideologically inflexible, they might even have won the support of the bureaucrats they hated.

    If you think that is pie in the sky, you should go talk to the farmers. I also used to cover agriculture and there’s no savvier group when it comes to dealing with the bureaucracy than the overall and John Deere hat set.

    Maybe it’s because they have to work closely with the USDA, state ag, extension and the like every other day, but most farmers speak the government lingo, understand the paperwork better than many of the secretaries and are on a friendly first name with anyone whose signature they need to get their work done.

  70. 70.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    March 1, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    fapfapfap small business good fapfapfap regulation bad fapfapfap local gov’t bad fapfapfap outrage good fapfapfap

  71. 71.

    whiskey

    March 1, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    where the hell is this stupid sex store i’ve been looking for it for like two weeks now

    thanks for telling me it’s on king street, msm

    KING AND WHAT????

  72. 72.

    El Cid

    March 1, 2009 at 9:24 pm

    There are over 3,000 counties in the United States. and about 20,000 cities (according to NACO and the NLC), not to mention the 50 different states (and then there are territories and DC).

    The NLC also lists Census information:

    In the 2002 Census of Governments, the Bureau of the Census identified a total 87,525 local governments. Separated by the five categories used by the Bureau of Census, there are:

    19,429 Municipal governments;
    16,504 Town or Township governments;
    3,034 County governments;
    13,506 School districts; and
    35,052 Special district governments.

    And I see no potential of standardizing approaches and systems used across any of these even just speaking of development, land use, and relate regulations and approvals, and not merely because of practical Constitutional limits on power but because of (a) the lack of any historical model of doing so; (b) the ideology of localism over anything which even smells of federalism; and (c) the power of the Growth Coalition, which does much better keeping localities ‘competing’ against each other in an unregulatable environment.

  73. 73.

    Comrade Scrutinizer

    March 1, 2009 at 9:32 pm

    @AhabTRuler: Oh, he would have been, if the Confederates had won. Or do you think the British government and the Loyalists in the colonies didn’t view Washington, Franklin, Adams, Adams, Jefferson, Madison and the rest as damned rebellious traitors who deserved hanging, or worse?

  74. 74.

    El Cid

    March 1, 2009 at 9:32 pm

    I made a comment but I guess it got eated.

  75. 75.

    AhabTRuler

    March 1, 2009 at 9:45 pm

    @Comrade Scrutinizer: Yes, well, we are not really discussing "would have beens," are we now?

  76. 76.

    Surabaya Stew

    March 1, 2009 at 11:18 pm

    As an Architect, I can testify that dealing with historic preservation districts and meeting ADA requirements are easily the most frustrating experience of being in my profession. However, they have also increased our workload (on a nationwide scale) anywhere from 10-15% since they have been implemented, so its not all bad news for us!

    My recommendation to anybody dealing with these issues is to hire an architect with a PROVEN track record in working with the relevant historical review commission and/or previous ADA compliant designs. Otherwise, you are risking disaster.

  77. 77.

    Chuck Butcher

    March 2, 2009 at 12:11 am

    @Surabaya Stew:

    As an Architect

    As a construction contractor I will admit to a love/hate relationship with you folks.

  78. 78.

    darms

    March 2, 2009 at 12:56 am

    Way down in EPU-ville, #5 -cosanostradamus –

    "This sounds bass-ackwards. He should have gone to the Board at the earliest possible stage, and kept them in the loop the whole time"

    Sounds very much to me like "working w/the board" is exactly what the guy did. And got him screwed to boot. Good for him, renting his building for a sex shop. Me? I’m a bleeding heart liberal, one who tends to socialism as well. Worse, in principle I’m a supporter of land-use rules & zoning laws. Problem is, here in Austin, TX, many times our folks in charge of those land-use rules & zoning laws find their inner authoritarian/fascist self when administering said laws and of course ‘common sense’ is the first casualty.

    I definitely agree w/ Mr. Cole’s thesis, namely that most of the libertarian gripes w/excessive gummint powers tend to be w/local/city/county gummint & not w/the feds but then again it’s only natural that small people need to feel important…

  79. 79.

    Surabaya Stew

    March 2, 2009 at 9:20 am

    @ Chuck Butcher

    As a construction contractor I will admit to a love/hate relationship with you folks.

    As an Architect, the feeling is reciprocated.

  80. 80.

    Hoo

    March 2, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    Good for him. Anyone who screws over the Alexandria Council is good by me.

    I have a townhouse in a Alexandria historic district. Got a nice letter from them saying that I had put in a window that didn’t comply with historic standards and I had to apply for the permit otherwise I would have to replace the window at a cost to myself.

    The only problem is that the window had been installed about 20+ years before I bought the townhouse. So it was a joy to attempt to prove that the window had been installed long before I ever even moved into Alexandria much less purchased the townhouse. I was lucky that my wife was a lawyer.

    I perfectly understand the obligations of living in a historic district and willing to pay out extra $$$ for a shale roof. But the historic folks are little tyrants with a complete disconnect to the populace.

  81. 81.

    woody

    March 2, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    the callous dismissal of business owner’s concerns.

    Okay, Mr. Cole. Now please address the callous dismissal by owners of the complaints against their enterprises.

    Innat why there’s such things as ‘zoning’?

Comments are closed.

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