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You are here: Home / Politics / Republican Stupidity / Government By Underpants Gnomes

Government By Underpants Gnomes

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A Sam Stein piece informs us that John McCain is working on a ten point plan of economic principles for the GOP. What is in this outline of principles, I wonder:

“We are looking for some guidance on a definitive plan (aka contract with america style) on the economy…principles,” writes Buse. “Ten principles that JSM could point to on what MUST BE DONE to address the problems our nation faces.”

Buse doesn’t offer specific suggestions of his own, save “NO TAX INCREASES.”

Why do Republican economic principles sound so familiar:

Step 1: No tax increases
Step 2: ?
Step 3: Profit!

Why not, I guess. It worked so well for California.

Also, this.

Reader Interactions

128Comments

  1. 1.

    Comrade Stuck

    Kenny is flattened by a falling trolley cart used by the Gnomes during the visit.

    Poor Kenny. Someday, he’s gonna get himself killed.

  3. 3.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    Bu-but, he’s not campaigning. What dramatic gesture will he make to call attention to his next utter FAILure?

    Oh well. McCain Economic Principle #8: Get offa my lawn!
    MEP #9: When purchasing clothes for your Alaskan Moosetress and her family, check the sales racks at Macy’s.

  4. 4.

    Zifnab

    #4 – Get the hell off my lawn!

    Damn you, komrade

    #2 – Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran.

  5. 5.

    Delia

    Wasn’t Gramps babbling about a general spending freeze during one of the debates? He could fill in one of the ten steps with that. After that, um, cut Social Security, Medicare, and anything else McPOW can think of, and break it all up into as many steps as he needs to add up to ten. And then he can go stand in a corner and cuss out everyone.

  8. 8.

    Wisdom

    The Republicans have nothing on your principles:

    1) Write Bankruptcy Bill that gives Credit Default Swap holders first creditor rights in a bankruptcy.
    2) ?
    3) Cause global meltdown
    4) Become Vice President!

  10. 10.

    Ed Marshall

    Write Bankruptcy Bill that gives Credit Default Swap holders first creditor rights in a bankruptcy.

    The brave Republican opposition to this affront to consumer rights was spearheaded by…0 republicans in the Senate.

  12. 12.

    crustaceanette

    Ooh, Brad Pitt hanging with my bro, Jim Clyburn, and Nancypants

    Omg, what a bunch of celeb worshippers

    Also, Jim Cramer to guest on TDS Thurs. nite

  15. 15.

    The Moar You Know

    It worked so well for California.

    All the way until last week, when we raised taxes.

    I take it McCain has finally unsuspended his campaign?

  17. 17.

    TheHatOnMyCat

    5. Stop the gay attack on families and marriage, the cornerstones of our economy.

    6. Support the troops by keeping them in Iraq for 100 years.

    7. Complete that border fence.

    8. Drill her, drill now. No, that is NOT a typo.

    9. Let everything fail, except Teri Schiavo. Let the market work.

    10. Let taxpayers who are out of work keep more of their own money.

  20. 20.

    Dennis-SGMM

    Return to:
    Bush I Era Tax Rates
    Reagan Era Tax Rates
    Nixon Era Tax Rates
    Eisenhower Era Tax Rates

    Declare jowls to be "really cool" and multiple chins a sign of wisdom.

  21. 21.

    gbear

    Jim Cramer to be a guest on TDS this Thursday nite.

    Jeez, I hope they nail Cramer’s chair to the floor before Stewart nails his ass to the floor.

    I wonder if McCain’s 10 point plan will have any of the ideas that he was so quick to bring up at the emergency economic summit right before the debate with Obama? I remember everyone being so dazzled with the insight and wisdom he brought to that meeting.

  22. 22.

    Comrade Jake

    At this point, I think the only people who are actually paying attention to John McCain are his "friends" in the media.

  23. 23.

    Tsulagi

    I look forward to McCain’s financial wizard Phil Gramm’s brilliant input…

    #4 No regulation!
    #5 I got mine so stop whining!

  30. 30.

    Cat Lady

    So far every single republitard since the election has said they need a plan that addresses the real world problems of the American People – except Rush who says policy doesn’t matter, just get your hate on. So far, there hasn’t been one single substantive suggestion. Not one. Newt’s air traffic control (WTF?) gimmick doesn’t count, and neither do tax cuts. Boehner’s spending freeze was called insane by one of their own. Not one single good faith proposal has been articulated, and it’s been months now that they’ve said it’s going to come. Who in the MSM will call them out on this, and when? Time’s up.

  31. 31.

    joe from Lowell

    #5: More rock, less talk.

    You know, if the Republicans hadn’t actually offered a capital gains tax cut as an economic stimulus policy in the middle of a real estate collapse, a stock market collapse, an insurance market collapse, and a depression, one of us could write "#8: Capital Gains Tax Cut."

    And it would be funny.

  32. 32.

    Max

    At this point, I think the only people who are actually paying attention to John McCain are his "friends" in the media.

    McCain does have that neato tire swing, and the media love tire swing rides more than anything.

  33. 33.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    He does know he lost right? I mean it is not like Obama set out all his policy positions during the 100 year campaign and the voting populace overwhelmingly said "yeah gimme some of that!" while resoundingly saying to McCain and Bible Spice "Sry you no can has cheezburger". He does KNOW this right? Cause it sounds like he is thinking he is in charge or some shit. Perhaps he is still walking around looking for Mr. Puddles.

    PS) It is my 49th birthday tomorrow (eeeeeeek) however the good news is one of my DH’s teacher friends bought me this

    http://www.tvshowsondvd.com/news/Robin-Sherwood-Complete-Collection/9529

    as a present. You may not see me for weeks as I indulge in a Michael Praed lust orgy.

  35. 35.

    NonyNony

    I tried to mock this, but I keep coming back to one question:

    Who the FUCK cares what John Sindey McCain thinks about anything?

    Republicans don’t care – they hated him last year, managed to swallow their bile long enough to pretend to rally around him after he picked Sarah "starbursts" Palin as his running mate, and then turned the hate back on around November 4th at 10pm when Fox News called the election for Obama.

    Democrats don’t care – it’s not like John McCain is one of the 3 remaining moderates in the GOP Senate caucus. If he were someone like Snowe or Collins or Specter who might be swayed to vote for something with the right compromises it would be a different story – but his isn’t. He gave up his title of "moderate" years ago when he decided it was a failed strategy in 2000. Now he’s just another conservative Republican in the Senate, and their game plan is, in the words of Ted Stevens, "NO!" So Democrats have no reason to care either.

    Business leaders don’t care – they could tell that John McCain was an idiot. They know that he can’t be an adequate messenger now that he’s made himself irrelevant in the Senate.

    Religious leaders don’t care – because seriously, right or left leaning, they never have cared one whit for anything McCain had to say about anything.

    Right now Joe the Plumber has a larger constituency of people who trust him to give advice on the economy than John McCain does – at least there are Republicans that still love them some JtP. McCain should find himself a nice niche to fill – like, say, figuring out how to save some money in the Defense budget by cutting waste – and go after it like a man obsessed. Leave the big picture stuff for the people who can actually think big picture and haven’t spent the last year+ running around the country acting like a side-show attraction instead of a Presidential candidate.

  37. 37.

    gex

    @Delia: How about the ever popular, "what if we tax workers on their employer contributions to health care coverage?" I just know that should make the list of 10.

  38. 38.

    Davis X. Machina

    “We are looking for some guidance on a definitive plan on the economy…principles,”

    For the fundamental societal premise for our econimy, we’ve traded ‘a rising tide lifts all boats’ for ‘in a flood, the tall guys drown last’.

    I don’t think that was an advance.

  40. 40.

    TenguPhule

    1. Putin’s head rises in the west!

    2. ????

    3. I’m Sarah Palin. Give me the Launch Codes.

  41. 41.

    jcricket

    about the ever popular, "what if we tax workers on their employer contributions to health care coverage?" I just know that should make the list of 10

    That comes right after "get people to acknowledge the main healthcare problems are overuse, lack of medical knowledge for comparison shopping on the part of the recipient when considering a course of treatment for a disease"

  42. 42.

    Calouste

    John McCain’s 10 economic principles:

    #1: Tax cuts
    #2: More defense spending
    #3: Tax cuts
    #4: Abolish death tax
    #5: Tax cuts
    #6: There is no number 6
    #7: Tax cuts
    #8: No poofters
    #9: Tax cuts
    #10: Get off my lawn!

  43. 43.

    joe from Lowell

    Yeah, McCain’s health care reform: taxes on employer coverage, and tax-free health savings accounts. Because the taxes on part of your savings account will buy health insurance. Or something.

  44. 44.

    Comrade Jake

    @NonyNony:

    Really nobody SHOULD care what he has to say, but see my post above. The media loves them some McCain. They really are his base.

  45. 45.

    TenguPhule

    1. Find wealthy beer heiress 2. Marry said heiress

    3. When she gets old and worn, return to step 1.

  46. 46.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    Do "cut taxes" and "don’t increase taxes" count as separate ideas? I think we should throw them a bone and say yes.

  48. 48.

    David

    #11: Dropping bombs on the Oppressed in order to liberate them for profits and stimulate the economy.

  50. 50.

    GSD

    John McCain is the greatest mind to have burst into the American public arena since Joey Buttafuocco.

    -GSD

  51. 51.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    Obama may have been reminded of town meetings back when he was a state senator. Inevitably at these events, the neighborhood crank stands up and starts yammering on about some pet issue or other while everyone else rolls their eyes and waits for him to sit down already, so the real work can begin.

    Hahahahaha )

  53. 53.

    gbear

    @Froley:

    1. Come home to damaged wife.

    2. Find wealthy beer heiress.

    3. Divorce current damaged wife.

    4. Marry beer heiress.

  56. 56.

    Martin

    2. Snap inspection! Cut government staffing by eliminating anyone that doesn’t keep their original birth certificate in their wallet.
    3. Simulus: seven to ten homes for every American, at least one with a full barbecue to entertain the press.
    4. Suspend government for every emergency, thereby saving electricity and tour guide wages.
    5. Gas tax holiday. Everyone gets July 8 off, John Rockefeller’s birthday and doesn’t have to pay gas taxes on that day. Gas stations are probably already equipped with the necessary equipment to make this happen.
    6. Hire Brick Oven Bill to be Secretary of Tractors.
    7. Increase corporate taxes by encouraging weak business to go out of business.
    8. Modernize the military. Every Navy pilot is required to crash one plane, allowing the entire fleet to be replaced.
    9. Invest the entire Social Security corpus in financial and automotive stocks. Buy low! Sell high!
    10. Put bumblebees back on the nickel!

  59. 59.

    Paul

    "John McCain is working on a ten point plan of economic principles for the GOP."

    That’s terrific, but I think some sort of twelve-step plan should be greater priority for the GOP at this moment.

  60. 60.

    tomjones

    Poor John McCain, has he forgotten that taxes will be raised – that is, reset to the Clinton era level – without any action by Congress or the president?

    This will happen because President Bush was too chicken shit to call for a permanent tax cut, and instead passed his with the 10 year "sunset."

    All because Bush and the Republicans wanted to hide the true cost of his massive give away to the rich. For shame.

  62. 62.

    mr. whipple

    So far, there hasn’t been one single substantive suggestion. Not one.

    EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!!
    EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!! EARMARKS!!!

    ah fuckit, where’s mr puddles?

  63. 63.

    Incertus

    @tomjones:

    All because Bush and the Republicans wanted to hide the true cost of his massive give away to the rich. For shame.

    And because they believed their own hype on the permanent Republican majority, but no one ever accused them of being all that smart.

  65. 65.

    Fwiffo

    I’d like to draw the attention of BJ readers to the Kwame Kipatrick sexy texts.

    I got to page 3 and had to stop. There was this:

    6/9/2002, 22:33:08 from THE MAYOR
    I REALIZED THAT YOU ARE THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS SOMETIMES, LIKE TODAY. I SEE YOU EVERYDAY AND STILL WANT TO BE WITH YOU MORE…

    I see why the sexy texts were the thing that broke this case wide open. Forget the dead stripper, this kind of crap is the real crime.

    Just a bit further down the same page…

    6/12/2002, 9:55:57 from Carlita E. Kilpatrick
    good morning! How are you this morning? Hve you heard anything about my navi?

    6/12/2002, 16:28:42 from Carlita E. Kilpatrick
    ANY WORD ON MY NAVIGATOR?

    You couldn’t make this stuff up.

  66. 66.

    gnomedad

    Jim Cramer to be a guest on TDS this Thursday nite.

    This is like a mosquito being a "guest" to a backyard bug-zapper. He must really believe there is no such thing a bad publicity.

  67. 67.

    gbear

    @Paul:

    That’s terrific, but I think some sort of twelve-step plan should be greater priority for the GOP at this moment.

    They’re still too freaked out about having to acknowledge a higher power to make any headway 12-step-wise.

  68. 68.

    David

    Things To Do
    from the desk of John McCain
    ______________________________________
    join the Navy √
    make admiral
    get married √
    stay faithful
    exchange wife for one with money √
    stay faithful
    become senator √
    become president

  70. 70.

    lightsleeper

    It often troubles me that America’s binary obsession with winners and losers deprives us of some of our best talent. We dismiss a runner-up as "that loser" instead of acknowledging that the second-place candidate is just that: perhaps the second-best choice to lead our country.

    Not in this case though! Whoa, talk about a dodging a bullet!

  72. 72.

    Farley

    McCain is a cu…
    McCain is a cu…
    McCain is a cu…

    McCain is a continuing source of inspiration!

    Seriously, Arizona has been especially hard-hit by the housing crisis. Any word on when McCain is accepting househousehousehousehousehousehousehouseguests?

  73. 73.

    Cain

    @gbear:

    1. Come home to damaged wife.

    2. Find wealthy beer heiress.

    3. Divorce current damaged wife.

    4. Marry beer heiress.

    5. Surge

    6. bomb bomb bomb iran

    7. Surge

    8. Cut taxes

    9. freeze spending

    10. SURGE

    11. get the fuck off my lawn

    12. SURGE

    McCain can’t count.. he goes to 12.

    cain

  74. 74.

    Mike in NC

    Jim Cramer to be a guest on TDS this Thursday nite.

    Does this schmuck have a Dickipedia entry yet?

  75. 75.

    Rommie

    #10 has to be a version of "And if you don’t do points 1-9, we’ll leave the Union and run our own damn country, God’s will be done!"

    Enough of the frakkin’ Insurrection talk, or people might just start taking those yapping about it seriously. Teabagging Morans!

  76. 76.

    KRK

    I just want to point out that if Obama had only agreed to do those town halls with McCain, the economy would have fixed itself.

  77. 77.

    kay

    This won’t get any press, because it doesn’t fit the scapegoat Geithner meme, but I think it’s important, and shocking, in a way. I’m still capable of being shocked at how completely debased and demanding Wall Street has become, I guess.

    This is Geithner on Charlie Rose. He’s explaining why his plan for the banks wasn’t received well on Wall Street. I felt that this was the case. I felt as if they were pitching a fit because he wasn’t shoveling money their way, on their terms. What’s also really goddamn disturbing is how completely the media played along with this stupid fucking game of chicken they were playing:

    "Expectations got ahead of the policy, and part of those expectations which caused disappointment were the hope that we were going to provide a very generous benefit to the banking system on terms that I didn’t think was going to be effective — defensible for the American tax taxpayer.’

  78. 78.

    kay

    Charlie, this idea, this idea to use government financing alongside private capital is an idea that a few people had back in the fall.
    [CR]
    Warren Buffet, for one, sent a letter to Paulson suggesting this is a way to go.
    [TG]
    Among others. And some of us put a lot of merit in that proposal at that time.
    [CR]
    But it was rejected at that time?
    [TG]
    Well, I’m not sure it was rejected. I wasn’t secretary of the treasury, then.

    That’s interesting too. Geithner’s plan is Buffet’s idea. Which Geithner backed at the beginning of this mess, but Paulson (apparently) vetoed.

    Which may be why Buffet came out publicly to suggest Obama sell "a plan". Because it’s Buffet’s plan, which Buffet of course, knows. And Buffet was afraid Geithner wasn’t selling it effectively.

  79. 79.

    jonas

    Cramer on the Daily Show? Oooh boy, break out the popcorn. I’m sure he’s under the impression that Stewart is this idiot lightweight "fake news" comedian who’ll get his comeuppance when he has to face a real financial wizard.

    I hope Cramer brings a nice, well-polished pewter serving tray with him. His ass will look better on it when it’s handed back to him.

  80. 80.

    Hyperion

    This made me laugh.

    Note to the folks who run Twitter: When John McCain is using your service, it is officially over. Sell it now while you have the chance.

  82. 82.

    Indylib

    @Paul:

    That’s terrific, but I think some sort of twelve-step plan should be greater priority for the GOP at this moment.

    How this – 12 Step Program for Republican

    1. We admit we are powerless over the American voters and our party has become a complete clusterfuck.

    2. Came to believe a power greater than Ronald Reagan could restore us to sanity.

    3. Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of anyone other than Rush Limbaugh as we understand Rush Limbaugh.

    4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our politics.

    5. Admitted to anyone other than Rush Limbaugh , to ourselves and to another political party the exact nature of our political fuck-ups.

    6. Were entirely ready to have anyone other than Rush Limbaugh remove all these defective political ideas.

    7. Humbly asked anyone other than Rush Limbaugh to remove our political shortcomings.

    8. Made a list of all government services and we had harmed, and became willing to offer ammendments to correct to them all.

    9. Made direct amends to the American (Iraqi, Afghani, etc.) people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

    10. Continued to take political inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

    11. Sought through honest debate and thoughtful legislation to improve our conscious contact with anyone other than Rush Limbaugh as we understood anyone other than Rush Limbaugh, asking only for the honest consent of the American people of their will for their country and the political will to carry that out.

    12. Having had a political awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other Republican politicians and voters , and to practice these principles in all our politics.

  83. 83.

    TenguPhule

    That’s terrific, but I think some sort of twelve-step plan should be greater priority for the GOP at this moment.

    Step 1: Charge!

    Step 2: Only Filthy Liberals need a plan B!

  84. 84.

    KG

    @82: change step 3 to "Tell Rush Limbaugh to shut the fuck up and get in line" and then remove all other references to Limbaugh, and you might just be on to something.

  85. 85.

    jcricket

    6. bomb bomb bomb iran

    Man, there have been so many side-splitting Republican hilarity moments ™ in the last year I had totally forgotten about that one.

    To paraphrase an old SNL skil:

    "People often ask if the Republican party keeps losing election after election, how they will retake the majority.

    The answer is: Volume"

  87. 87.

    Ash Can

    Ten principles:

    1. Cut taxes

    2. Cut ’em again

    3. Have we bombed Iran yet? Why the hell not? Get on it, damn it!

    4. Nuke Iraq too while you’re at it, you lazy bastards

    5. Remember to look presidential while wandering around the stage

    6. What the hell do you mean, I didn’t win the election?

    7. Have I mentioned tax cuts yet?

    8. I thought I told you goddamn kids to GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!

    9. Crap, I almost forgot to mention tax cuts

    10. Where the hell are my pants?

  88. 88.

    AnneLaurie

    McCain does have that neato tire swing, and the media love tire swing rides more than anything.

    Oh, is that what the kids are calling BJs these days? Hmph!

    Letterman opened with a "new act: Today’s Media Buzzwords" — clips of a dozen talking hairdos and politicos chirping ‘earmarks’ ‘earmarks!’ ‘earmarks?’ ‘pork’ ‘pork!’ ‘earmarks.. and pork’ ‘earmarks!’.

    It was like listening to a chorus of caffeinated chipmunks, and a fine demonstration of mock-blocking in action.

  89. 89.

    Joshua Norton

    For the past 7 years I’ve claimed that our foreign policy was formed by the Underpants Gnomes.

    1. Bomb Iraq back to the stone age.
    2. ???
    3. Victory.

    At least they’re consistent.

  90. 90.

    valdivia

    Kay–thanks for the Charlie Rose excerpts. I will try and catch it today on repeat at 1 pm. I heard a pretty long interview with Geithner on Planet Money which gave me a very different sense of him than the one we hear on the news all the time.

    How long before CNBC blames Stewart for the market fluctuations and start calling him the Rush Limbaugh of the left?

  91. 91.

    kay

    @valdivia:

    Incredible, I know, but I’m suspicious of the motives of Wall Streeters. I don’t know if Geithner’s plan is the best course. I expected that he would get a lot of scrutiny for the bank plan. That’s fair: he’s the Treasury Secretary. I think it’s complete bullshit that Wall Street wanted "clarity", though. They wanted a deal on their terms. When they didn’t get it, they threw a tantrum.

  92. 92.

    valdivia

    @kay:

    My take re Wall street is like yours: they throw a tantrum when they don’t get their shiny ball.

  93. 93.

    kay

    @valdivia:

    I listened to Bernanke’s speech carefully yesterday. Disclaimer: I’m not an expert. It sounded to me like he rolled on two issues. Transparency and capitalization. Markets rallied, but is that because the petulant children got what they wanted?

  95. 95.

    Ash Can

    @kay:

    Markets rallied, but is that because the petulant children got what they wanted?

    One of the reasons the market rallied yesterday (there were several) was Bernanke’s remarks specifically about bringing back the uptick rule, which would have the ultimate effect of increasing the stability of the stock market. Whether the "petulant children" benefit from this makes no difference, happily, because everyone who invests in stocks — and that includes average shmoes with modest portfolios and pension funds keeping retirees afloat — benefits from increased stability of the market. (It means that short sellers won’t be able to make the killings they could in the absence of the rule, but BFD.)

  96. 96.

    cleek

    Step 1: No tax increases
    Step 2: The Hale and Virtuous Invisible Hand of the Great Lafferite Spirit performs the Holy Ghost Handjob on the market.
    Step 3: Profit!

  98. 98.

    gex

    @Ash Can: I guess that’s fine, but then we need to have much stiffer oversight of corporate governance in general.

    The shorters, for what its worth, are often the ones who find out these frauds. The shorters were way ahead of this crash, and they caught on to Enron too.

    I guess I don’t see how irrational stock market exuberance is helped by reducing people’s ability to bet that a company’s stock value will go down. If the only direction you can bet is up, then everyone will be betting up.

  100. 100.

    Comrade Jake

    OT, but man am I getting sick of GMA continually trying to insult my intelligence every morning.

  101. 101.

    Michael

    #10 has to be a version of "And if you don’t do points 1-9, we’ll leave the Union and run our own damn country, God’s will be done!"

    A real TRVE CONSERVATIVE would not put the end that way. He’d say "G_d’s will be done!"

    Then he’d go back to surfing porn while posting paeans to St. Ronnie on Christian Conservative message boards.

  102. 102.

    jrosen

    From the admittedly limited contact I’ve had with recovering alcoholics who work on Wall Street, i get the impression that quite a few of them are half way in the bag before the trading day is over, and that they continue to suck it down afterward, while still wheeling and dealing. (Years ago I observed auto execs in posh Pontiac, MI motel doing the same thing, making decisions that would impact millions while downing martinis like soda water.) That might be the simplest explanation of where we are at (but I don’t think Cramer is doing booze…more like speed or coke). Certainly we’ve seen what happens when a dry drunk like W, with a coke-addled brain — some of the damage is permanent — gets to be a "decider".

    I’d certainly send a lot of these guys to rehab. Or Club Fed. Or both.

  103. 103.

    Ash Can

    @gex: That’s a perfectly decent point. And I’m all for increased corporate governance, believe me. In this case, it would be great if equities analysts got wider exposure since, apart from insider trading (which can be spurred by any number of factors), they furnish the first (legal) read on how a company is doing and where its stock is likely to go. The trouble is, the analysts themselves are at the mercy of corporate managements and the quality and accuracy of the information they’re given. A decent analyst will be able to find bugs hidden in financial statements, but if the books are cooked to begin with, they might not show up at all, even to a highly trained eye.

    I remember when the uptick rule was instituted. It came in response to stocks of companies with no real problems getting hammered for no real reason other than lemming mentalities. The shorters made out like bandits at everyone else’s expense, and it wasn’t pretty. That in a nutshell was the upside to the uptick rule.

    Your point, I think, is a dandy illustration of how problematic this whole financial imbroglio is, and how difficult universally beneficial solutions are to come by.

  105. 105.

    Comrade Stuck

    OT

    A question for a blog Crawl.

    Has Howard Fineman gone insane? Or is he just funnin’ us?
    You decide.

    A Turning Tide?

    Swimming in the middle, he’s denounced as a socialist by conservatives, criticized as a polite accommodationist by government-is-the-answer liberals, and increasingly, dismissed as being in over his head by technocrats.

    Mysterious technocrats? Does he mean bobbleheads on Cable News? Or Malkin’s Magoo Crew?

    Luckily for Obama, the public still likes and trusts him, at least judging by the latest polls, including NEWSWEEK’s.But, in ways both large and small, what’s left of the American establishment is taking his measure and, with surprising swiftness, they are finding him lacking.

    The American Establishment — Does he mean House Republicans? Chuck Norris? Glenn Beck?

    And yet he is by temperament judicious, even judicial. He’d have made a fine judge. But we don’t need a judge. We need a blunt-spoken coach.

    Last week Fineman et al were bitching that Obama needed to sweet talk talk us and the markets more about how ever thing is gonna be alright. Instead of all that pooh poohing blunt talk about how bad things are.

    If the establishment still has power, it is a three-sided force, churning from inside the Beltway, from Manhattan-based media and from what remains of corporate America. Much of what they are saying is contradictory, but all of it is focused on the president:

    The Establishment, or the Three Stooges of brain death.
    Medicine, Howard, you need medicine!

  106. 106.

    NickM

    If the only direction you can bet is up, then everyone will be betting up.

    But isn’t part of the problem the treatment of the market as an avenue for "betting" rather than "investing"?

  107. 107.

    Ram111

    Step 1: No tax increases
    Step 2: Deliver bottled hot water to dehydrated babies.
    Step 3: Profit!

  108. 108.

    Barry Soetoro

    Digby:

    The campaign showed that McCain is one of the dumbest members of congress on economics and it’s clearer every day that the world dodged a bullet with that one. It’s bad enough that we are all feel like our minds are swimming in quicksand when it comes to understanding this banking crisis. To have these "leaders" out there saying completely stupid things in the face of it is simply breathtaking.

    I think Digby’s being crazy. She’s crazy; that’s crazy talk.

    Michael:

    Then he’d go back to surfing porn while posting paeans to St. Ronnie on gaming message boards.

    fixt.

  109. 109.

    Dennis-SGMM

    Ten principles? Why not four or fourteen? I’d say that it was a bit on the biblical side save for the fact that McCain hasn’t done so well in keeping those other ten thingies.

  110. 110.

    Bob In Pacifica

    But seriously, since Republican economics theory is merely a game of Monopoly and the winners have "won" and the game is over, what can Republicans do except repeat the same things that got us to this point?

    They’ll need to figure out a new model, like The Game of Life, or Parcheesi or something.

  111. 111.

    Michael

    @106 (Nick M)

    But isn’t part of the problem the treatment of the market as an avenue for "betting" rather than "investing"?

    But that would take the joy out of the "serious" financial reporting on CNBC. Shouldn’t reporting on investing be like a sport, or at least an energy charged, drunken golf weekend in Vegas?

    After all, that’s what we’ve encouraged it to devolve to – now we’re doing bets on the outcome of bets on the outcome of bets.

    I defy any conservative to explain to me how that adds any value to any transaction.

  113. 113.

    gnomedad

    @Comrade Stuck:

    The American Establishment—Does he mean House Republicans? Chuck Norris? Glenn Beck?

    Chuck Norris’s "Black Belt Patriotism": American sucks except for Texas.

  114. 114.

    Zifnab

    @NickM: You’re arguing semantics at that point. You’re still purchasing equity in the market, unlike in Vegas when "$50 on black" doesn’t really buy you anything.

    But life is a gamble. There are smart ways to invest in the market and dumb ways. The CDO game wasn’t the result of people just throwing money on the craps table and walking away. They did some very sophisticated calculations to determine what the returns were going to be. But once they found a winning formula, they just started pumping money into it until it broke. This was an industry-wide error in risk assessment, it wasn’t just a jaunt out to Atlantic City.

  115. 115.

    Dennis-SGMM

    I defy any conservative to explain to me how that adds any value to any transaction.

    What is this "value" you speak of? The beauty of our system was that they could borrow up to $43,000,000 using a $1,000,000 sub-prime mortgage as collateral, bet for and against the transaction, take hostages in the form of CDO’s and credit default swaps while paying themselves a shit-ton of money in the process. "Value" is sooooo twentieth century.

  116. 116.

    Ash

    They’ll need to figure out a new model, like The Game of Life, or Parcheesi or something.

    I think Chutes and Ladders might be a more apt example for the Republicans.

  118. 118.

    John PM

    I am so sad that I am only seeing this post for the first time this morning. All of my lines have already been taken, including "merry rich beer heiress after divorcing faithful yet disfigured first wife." Of course, if McCain were a true maverick, he would propose the following: "turn all people over the age of 70 (myself included) into soylent green in order to save social security and medicare costs and provide foor for the hungry." I’m just sayin’.

  119. 119.

    gbear

    @Dennis-SGMM:

    Ten principles? Why not four or fourteen? I’d say that it was a bit on the biblical side save for the fact that McCain hasn’t done so well in keeping those other ten thingies.

    More likely based on the Letterman top ten lists because everyone is going to laugh when he reads it.

    OT Are John, Doug and Tim all hung over this morning?

    Edit: Oops. Commented w/o refreshing. There’s a new thread up.

  120. 120.

    A Mom Anon

    @Comrade Jake:

    Thank You. That little "morning team"is from hell. It’s always about them,every freaking story. Diane Sawyer is simply heinous(if I hear her talk about how fat she is one more time I’m gonna scream). Robin Roberts as the plucky cancer survivor is old,she’s not the only woman to bravely survive breast cancer,it’s enough now. Cuomo is a doofus,and Sam Champion as Mr Eco Dude is embarassing.

    The is no news anymore,CSPAN is even more wingnutty than normal in the mornings with the blast fax brigade calling in.

  121. 121.

    Ash Can

    @NickM:

    But isn’t part of the problem the treatment of the market as an avenue for "betting" rather than "investing"?

    Unfortunately, it must be regarded as "betting" insofar as it always involves some amount of risk. There’s no such thing as an entirely, 100% sure thing, especially in an environment like we have now. There are different levels of risk, though, and that’s where the more sober, "investment" side of the business comes in. The cowboys on the exchange floors who are buying junk bonds, unlisted equities, restructurings and other flotsam are doing it with money they know right upfront they can afford to lose (at least, they are if they have any common sense at all).

    ETA: Also, what Zifnab said.

  122. 122.

    NickM

    @Zifnab:

    I wasn’t really thinking about the subprime/CDO debacle. It doesn’t seem that was based on gambling-type behavior — far from it — as you note the financiers of that debacle were investing in a sure thing. But the wider bubble-based economy seems to have grown out of notions that the market is a gambling rather than investing device — e.g. the focus on short-term price fluctuations and buying based not on underlying fundamentals but on gambles as to whether price will increase or decrease. Some of this of course will always go on but it seems to me — for whatever that is worth — that both the culture and policy seemed to encourage this behavior more than it should have been encouraged.

  123. 123.

    Calouste

    @jrosen:

    From the admittedly limited contact I’ve had with recovering alcoholics who work on Wall Street, i get the impression that quite a few of them are half way in the bag before the trading day is over, and that they continue to suck it down afterward, while still wheeling and dealing. (Years ago I observed auto execs in posh Pontiac, MI motel doing the same thing, making decisions that would impact millions while downing martinis like soda water.) That might be the simplest explanation of where we are at (but I don’t think Cramer is doing booze…more like speed or coke). Certainly we’ve seen what happens when a dry drunk like W, with a coke-addled brain —- some of the damage is permanent—- gets to be a "decider".

    I’d certainly send a lot of these guys to rehab. Or Club Fed. Or both.

    The City (London’s equivalent of Wall Street) is also rather notorious for its liquid lunches.

  124. 124.

    Svensker

    "John McCain is working on a ten point plan of economic principles for the GOP."

    Did I miss something? Wasn’t McCain the Republican candidate for President of the United States of America last year? And wasn’t it obvious to anyone even without a brain that our economy was going down the toilet last year? And the putative leader of the Republican Party is JUST NOW getting around to a plan to deal with the economy? And asking other people for ideas to help him come up with a plan? Leadership you can believe in!

  125. 125.

    Mike in NC

    John McCain is working on a ten point plan of economic principles for the GOP

    (1) Fundamentals…
    (2) Economy…
    (3) Strong…
    (4) Tax cuts!
    (5) Capital gains!
    (6) Say NO!
    (7) Talk to Newt?
    (8) Whatever…
    (9) Goddamn Obama!
    (10) Naptime

  126. 126.

    Zifnab

    @NickM:

    But the wider bubble-based economy seems to have grown out of notions that the market is a gambling rather than investing device—e.g. the focus on short-term price fluctuations and buying based not on underlying fundamentals but on gambles as to whether price will increase or decrease.

    That’s the thing. The bubbles aren’t the results of gambling so much as they are the result of investors seeing a "sure thing" that isn’t so sure and having way too much money to toss around.

    Take a look at the oil bubble. Investors saw oil as a safe commodity that had been predictably rising. So they started shoveling money into it, driving up the price, and making it look like an even better investment. This inspired more people to jump on the bandwagon. The future projections still showed a rise in oil demand, so the deals continued to look good.

    Only when demand slipped below supply did the bubble pop. This wasn’t as inevitable as you’d think, given that people weren’t cutting oil demand even after the price of oil rose several times over.

  128. 128.

    Chuck Butcher

    Zif,
    I think you’re engaging in a bit of sophistry here. I think that researching something to the point of having an understanding of it and then putting money in it would qualify as investing. Depending on what others are doing to guide your investment is flat out gambling. Your description of oil usage not falling with price rises assumes short term pricing has short term consequences, when the reality is that at some point price doesn’t just reduce usage, it collapses the market with small short term results.

    it was predictable that at some price point people would make usage adjustments. Maybe that point isn’t predictable, but a real warning flag is waved when the consumers begin to suffer real problems due to the price. When I’ve had job sites out of town I’ve priced them on costs, if gas costs go up I still have to finish that job and I also have to calculate changing from travel costs to lodging costs, a measure I’d already taken. The price point can mean more than a 90% reduction in use of one comodity, gasoline, to an urelated one, lodging. Judging your investment strategy on the fact that people keep putting money on 7 is gambling. Stocks are another example of betting on something because people keep betting on it, stocks have an actual real meaning, a company’s performance and its assets, not the fact that people keep buying its stock regardless of price.

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