At some point today while I was trying to get work done, a certain cat stood behind me and yowled for an hour and a half straight. I tried to pet him. He yowled more. I checked his food. It was fine. He yowled more. I tried to play with him. He yowled. I shot him in the face with a squirt bottle. He yowled and ran out of the room, and came back in and starting meowing again. I shut him out of the room and he stood by the door and scratched at it while meowing.
Finally, I grabbed him and rolled him up in a towel like a dead person in a carpet:
Oddly enough, he stayed there like that for a half hour and seemed to like it. We have a really weird relationship.
TenguPhule
We won’t judge you.
Walker
Um, John. Why do you have Ann Coulter furry adds?
Edit: Please tell me I am not the only one seeing the Tally Road Project Wonderful ad.
guest omen
he’s lonely. does he have other kitty friends?
guest omen
is it mating season?
wmd
My cat has an unfortunate association with being restrained with textiles due to abcessed wound treatment. So if I attempt to roll him up in a blanket he thinks he’s going to have a scissors trimming fur and then possibly lancing and disinfecting. I hope that the association is short lived.
John Cole
@Walker: I guess that was the highest bidder. I just work here, man.
mm
@Walker:
I see it too.
schrodinger's cat
Aww poor kitteh, he just wanted some attention, how could you be so cruel, you will be soon hearing from the ACLU (American Cat Liberties Union).
JL
Something is in the air. It’s affecting all four legged creatures.
Rick Taylor
Can we try this on Republicans in congress?
guest omen
@schrodinger’s cat:
who can be rounded up to squirt water at cole?
PaminBB
The minds of cats are not to be comprehended by us mere humans. Cute pic, though.
schrodinger's cat
guest omen:
I think Tunch is up to the task of teaching John who is the boss after he emerges from his cocoon, mightier than before.
geg6
That gave me my second biggest laugh of the day. Thanks John. Pig in a blanket…bwahahaha!
John O
LOL, John. I recognized the behavior immediately. One of my two is a full-blown attention whore, and we have an interesting relationship, too. He’s a great cat.
A total dick, but a great cat. He tortures me for pure pleasure. I know he’s a Republican, but we still get along fine.
I am totally diggin’ your man Tunch. A cat of my heart.
harlana pepper
It’s called a "kitty burrito" , you’re still learning. Us seasoned cat owners have known about the kitty burrito method for years.
smiley
One of my cats has been bouncing off the walls for a couple of days now. She has never acted like this before. I blame the alien overlords who are… Arghhhh….
All your base are belong to us. Out.
Krista
Cats are just too damn hard to figure out.
That picture is really cute though, and I get a kick out of the "Products We Endorse" sidebar showing the Furminator, especially considering that technically, this is a political blog. It’ll be especially entertaining when John has a bunch of serious political posts in a row, and some poor sap stops by to lurk and wonders what the fuck the Furminator has to do with the potential nationalization of banks and the state of affairs in Afghanistan.
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
I came for the political commentary. I stayed for the kitty bondage pics.
Laura W
I’m sorry. I just looked up from this post, and my dinner, and at KO for the first time tonight and there is Maxine Waters talking with:
#4 SUPERFUDGE-IT
underneath her.
Not only is that the lamest Countdown story tag I’ve ever seen, it’s also stoopid. And moranic.
SpotWeld
Can I just say the Project Wonderful ads you’re getting are a nice step up from the PJMedia ones you had there previously?
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
The combination of the Project Wonderful furry/Coulter ad and the Furminator endorsement is somewhat disturbing, though.
Incertus
Eliot does this sometimes, especially to Amy. I may have to try that at some point.
Tokyokie
I’d try that on Vladimir, but he’d likely shred my forearms. And hey, John convinced me to buy a Furminator. Sadly, I dare not try that on Vladimir, either.
GSD
Looks like a kitty Snuggy or a feline Shamwow.
-GSD
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
Actually, it may be time for John to invest in one of these.
Or, better yet, one of these.
harlana pepper
The GOP budget is turning into a big fucking joke already. They just keep writing the scripts for Stewart and Colbert. Those guys are happily coasting right now (I mean, they already got Glenn Beck, come on).
harlana pepper
I want to throw that, ‘um "lil" sack of sugar over my shoulder and carry him home wid me.
Indylib
@Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse:
lol
That’s the same thought I had. When my kids were babies I was always getting advice to wrap them up nice and tight when they were colicky or cranky.
harlana pepper
Oh, he thinks he’s Cleopatra!
Lavocat
Now THAT is some funny shit.
Have you thought about writing a book? Seriously, your various daily snippets are quite amusing. Hell, maybe even a coffee table book!
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
How to make a kitten sling.
Lilly von Schtupp
Maybe he doesn’t feel good. Sometimes when our cats are about to let out a big hairball, they yowl. Then we get the special tuna flavored kitty anti-hairball lube. Comes in a tube. We get it from our vet.
J. Michael Neal
Eddie has discovered that having one of his shoulder blades removed means that he can fit through the small cat sized hole in the box covering Monster’s food bowl. So, keeping him on a diet just became more challenging.
In other news, Cheyenne Jackson, who I guess qualifies as my niece, sent a gift to the cats. She got a foil covered blanket for Christmas from her grandparents that was intended to provide a puzzle. It makes a loud crinkly sound when you move on it, which was supposed to keep her from jumping on her mother’s bed. The puzzle, of course, was how to defeat it, and make the bed safe for sleeping on. Apparently, the puzzle has been definitively solved. Knowing how much cats like walking around on things that crinkle, she sent it to my kids. Monster and Dirk love it so much that they can’t be bothered to get off it to write her a thank you note. Eddie doesn’t like it at all. He wishes the others would stop playing with it.
AhabTDefenestrator
Wait. What?!
JenJen
Wow, so Keith Olbermann just announced Ed Schultz is getting his own MSNBC program, beginning Monday at 6:00!
I’m a huge fan of Ed’s radio show, and I greet this as fantastic news. But… what’s going to happen to David Shuster’s show at 6:00? I love that guy!!
Edit: So Olbermann says Shuster’s show is moving to 3:00, and is expanding to two hours. Sweet! But all this time I thought the slot MSNBC was trying to fill was 10:00? Weird.
Laura W
@JenJen: Shuster Booted! 3-5!
Wow. Guess he sucked more than we thought!
Incertus
@Lilly von Schtupp: I believe you are talking about Laxatone. We get it from our pet food store, and it is a godsend.
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
Shuster loses his evening slot? Bummer. At least I work at home and can see him most days, but man, to get 6 PM and then have it yanked away really sucks.
So what are they going to do with 10 PM, then?
(Laxatone is Tonic-Lax here in Canada, but it’s malt-flavoured, not tuna.)
JenJen
@Laura W: David Shuster’s ratings blow, but I just love the guy. He knows his stuff, he’s a total smart-ass, and he likes to beat up on wingnuts.
Plus, he makes Joe Scarborough nervous when he’s a guest on the Morning Zoo. So, good for David to get two hours instead of one, but bad for David in the sense that nobody will be home to watch.
J. Michael Neal
@AhabTDefenestrator: Cheyanne is my sister’s dog. (Though, my sister keeps spelling her name different ways.) She isn’t supposed to jump on the bed, but Carrie usually comes home to find a warm spot and some shedding on it. My parents got her a foil covered blanket that you tie to the bedposts that is guaranteed to keep your dog from getting on the bed. Carrie spent three months trying new things to keep Cheyanne from getting it untied, moving it over, and sleeping on the uncovered bed.
Corner Stone
@Colin Powell
Fuck you! Burn in hell you fucking pig-fucking coward!
AhabTDefenestrator
@J. Michael Neal: OK, that makes sense. I was very perplexed there for a moment.
Incertus
@Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse: I read yesterday that they’re going to leave it as Olbermann reruns, as the ratings are better than anything else they can replace them with at the moment.
Litlebritdifrnt
I have a yowler, she will come into the house and tell you such a tale of her journey from the front yard, through the hole in the trellis between the garage and the house and through the pet door that you would think it was a version of Frodo taking the ring to the mountain. She will then get on my knee and knead my legs, which is a problem seeing as she does not have the ability to retract her claws (long story) which means once she has latched on, there is nothing to do but drag the claws out of the flesh, my thighs look like cheese graters.
The Moar You Know
You expected what exactly from the GOP’s own pet Stepinfetchit? The man defended My Lai, for chrissakes. He’s born and bred to carry water for the Republican party. Done it his whole life.
Cats: There is something in the air. Mine was a yowling attention whore as soon as I walked in through the door, which rarely happens, and she’s putting up with the indignity of me typing this with the keyboard on top of her. This isn’t normal behavior for my kitteh.
Anton Sirius
@GSD:
That would be a Shammeow.
I’d try the blanket thing with my Bijou, but she’d just pee in it.
SarahLoving
John,
my cat Tashi is a yowler as well. she’s also a bit pervy because she enjoys spanking on her haunches. yowls for it, after she’s positioned herself on the cat tree… yeah, but back to your kitty…
1. try spanking, the Tunch may be a perv as well
2. give him some fleece or wool to knead/drool/suck on if he’s not feeling the kitty burrito. seems to be a kitty comfort behavior when they’re feeling out of sorts.
Litlebritdifrnt
@The Moar You Know:
Perhaps the day of the cat revolution has finally come, when I think about it these past several days Lolcats has been running a video series "the sign of yur end is neer" with cats opening doors, fridges, scritching each others bellies, etc., perhaps we are witnessing the overthrow of the human race by the kittehs?
Shygetz
The Tunch picture is cute and all, but what caught my eye is this: you didn’t roll Tunch up "like a burrito" or "like a cigar", you rolled Tunch up "like a dead person in a carpet".
Now maybe I’m just unaware of how you guys roll in WV, but the first thing that comes to mind when I think of rolling something up is NOT a dead body.
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
So is this officially kitty BDSM night?
Cat spanking #1
Cat spanking #2
Carrie
@GSD:
heehee
Hey shamwow guy, cat got yer tongue?
teeheehee
guest omen
is somebody having trouble keeping their cats off a surface? covering it in double sided tape is supposed to do the trick. cats don’t like the sticky.
Corner Stone
No Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.
After the last 8 years the only solace I can hold onto, the only little place that gives me peace, is the hope that Hell does in fact exist, and special places there are reserved for cowards like Powell.
IMO, he was the only person who could’ve stopped the Iraq invasion. Not saying he ever would’ve (obviously he wouldn’t), just saying I believe he *could* have.
I’d like for him to suffer in this life but understand he never will.
Laura W
@Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse:
I’m pretty sure I just read on HuffPo in the last day or so (but am too lazy to go find it for you) that they are going to leave it as is, ie, KO repeat. Whacky, huh? (Although I’ve grown to appreciate it since I seem to be blabbering here or on email at 8EST when it first airs so I often miss the first half hour, which is the only good part, IMO.)
Whoops. See Incertus beat me. I should know to read up-thread before blathering by now.
guest omen
@The Moar You Know:
that reminds me. i caught my boy cat humping my girl cat last night while she meowed in protest. he never does that. he usually finds her annoying and goes out of his way to avoid her. she usually smacks him around with this boxing move she has.
wingnuts to iraq
@harlana pepper: I believe the proper term is a "Purrrito"…
evidence here
Also… is that Old Ben Kenobi?
guest omen
@Corner Stone:
what about colin powell?
MazeDancer
Possible New Ad/Pay Pal Placement Confusion:
If the "Project Wonderful" ad is going to continue to be offering space for a price – currently 40 or 0 cents – and use numbers in their ads, the PayPal donation button might need to be relocated. Because now, being right under their ad, it looks a little like part of the ad, like click here to buy the ad spot. Not click here to donate to Balloon Juice.
The Moar You Know
My cat was mewing, so I fed her. She looked as though I had just presented her with the proverbial meal of tire rims and anthrax.
Then she ate all my chicken.
Since I won’t be eating her cat food, I guess I’ll make something else for dinner.
Annie
Sounds like Tunch needs a brother or sister to torture. Worked for us. We got our girl a brother, and they spend part of each day cat boxing (they do respect the "no hitting the face rule…"). After that they return to their respective corners for a well earned rest.
Although, if truth be told, some days I have two cats howling at me…Nothing like having the cat choir to really piss me off…
The Moar You Know
@Litlebritdifrnt: I hope not. Our feline overlords already show us no mercy.
@guest omen: Ahh, springtime. Are your kittehs fixed?
TenguPhule
No need to insult the honest pigfuckers.
Joshua Norton
Spring has sprung. Even fixed pets can get the urge to merge.
Corner Stone
Does anyone admit to fucking pigs?
I’m pretty sure Colin Powell is their leader.
Corner Stone
@guest omen
Hmmm…you’ve got me stumped here. What about him?
guest omen
@Corner Stone:
you originally said:
how did the topic come up? was he on one of the shows? or was this a non-sequitur?
guest omen
@The Moar You Know:
Are your kittehs fixed?
they sure are.
it’s weird because those two grew up together as kittens. she’s practically his sister.
Church Lady
John, Tunch just needs a friend. I’m sure Laura can help you to help him.
Corner Stone
@guest omen
Oh hell. You had me there. Thought that was some serious sarcasm working.
No, Rachel Maddow had Colin Powell on tonite for the first part of a 2 part interview. He was blathering on and basically CYA’ing and I just can’t stand to see him on the teebee.
I hate him with the burning passion of a thousand suns. GWB was just banal and nominally evil. Colin Powell rose above that to a special kind of pig-fucking bastard.
Brick Oven Bill
One trend I have noticed in my life is that men who grow up on farms seem to hold animal life in lower regard than those of us who grow up in the city or suburbs. For instance, I did not grow up on a farm and the worst things I ever did to a cat were shoot it with a squirt gun at night and give it a little vodka.
This was a girl friend’s cat that she kept illegally in her apartment, she loved this cat. We agreed to harbor it in our apartment during some landlord repairs to her apartment, in exchange for her cooking for all of us, cleaning, and taking out our trash. I think this made her respect me more and she stalked me after the break-up. She drove a brown Ford Granada. This car followed me around for weeks. It was creepy.
But these farm guys were really mean to cats. They explained to me once that cats would always land on their feet, no matter in what manner they were thrown. So long as a balloon was not tied to their tail, this changes everything, they said. A suggestion just in case the blanket-strait jacket-dead person thing gets old.
KRK
First thought: Aw, looks like Tunch is auditioning to be the star of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever!
Second thought: This is clearly an altered photo posted by Tunch himself as an April Fool gag; tomorrow he will announce that he has killed and eaten John for wielding that squirt bottle one time too often, and he will now be taking control of the blog.
TenguPhule
I object.
GWB not only fucked pigs, he didn’t even pay for dinner and movie first.
Corner Stone
@TenguPhule
Please, I’m begging you – don’t make me give GWB any space on the level of his Pig-Fuckery.
However, I will say that ISTM GWB had a place he wanted to go, a goal and some action he wanted. Now, it was fucked and GWB is a fucking devil – BUT ISTM Powell really had no issue, no driving force and yet he went along with things he knew were false. Things he knew would cause hundreds of thousands of Iraqi’s to die, and things he knew would cause the death of thousands of American military.
I mean, what’s worse? Picking a course of action or going along dumbly with a course of action that wasn’t yours and you knew to be wrong in every intelligent way?
Svensker
@Corner Stone:
Agree completely.
Laura W
@Brick Oven Bill: Well, Bill. I regret that you posted this within minutes of my staunch defense of you in a previous thread.
I risked my stellar BJ reputation defending you in your absence, assuring a still-grieving poster that you never tell stories involving the harming of small animals.
As soon as I hit refresh, here you are, giving god knows how many readers and lurkers fresh ideas for cat torture techniques.
To say that I am disappointed does not even begin to express my conflicted emotions. I just do not know what to believe now.
TenguPhule
It’s not like we can hang them any higher from the tree for either crime.
At the level of evil they’re at, trying to figure out which was worse is like trying to figure out if the blast or the heat kills you at ground zero of a nuclear blast.
The Moar You Know
I’m not certain how we would notice a difference.
guest omen
@Shygetz:
ha! what does john cole look like? maybe he’s a fugitive and we can collect a reward if we turn him in.
kommrade reproductive vigor
He was plotting his revenge. Sleep with one eye open.
My big fat orange cat yowls, howls and just plain gibbers so much I will [ahem] occasionally dream that we’re having long conversations [shaddup]. When I need quiet I throw a blanket or the laundry basket over him. He’s a huge fan of the laundry basket.
@harlana pepper: Le Win.
LD50
He recently claimed to ‘have a face for radio’.
Tonal Crow
How much blood did you "donate" while doing that?
Just Some Fuckhead
Oh, John! You are delightful and your cat is superb. You made my day with this post. More pictures of Tunch please!
Corner Stone
@LD50
Hmmm…
West Virginia’s finest?
John Motherfucking Cole!
Chris Johnson
Hehe… Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb my fellow balloon juicers. I should have known it needed more goats!
John’s not going to complain- it’s ad revenue, which I’m happy to give him as I read this site all the time. I know it’s not particularly relevant to politics other than probably cataloging various Republican preferences :D
Strangely, a lot of adult furry comicers are raging wingnuts, but I’m not so much.
The reason for the Coulter ad is, I had another less-parody ad up to fill the empty PW space (John really deserves some ad buys on that, it’s a very good value though he’s only getting the 30 cent rate from friends, never mind the $3 he wanted. Good hits but needs more targeted ad buyers)
…and there was this Google ad, that might look familar, with Ann’s scowling face glaring at me. I was like, we gave up Joe the Plumber for this???
How could I not riff on it?
If it’s too annoying I’ll change it up or do something else. Until people notice the traffic John gets (which should be soon I bet) it’s easy for me to hang on to the space. You’ll know it’s getting busy if you see the amount needed to get the space going up- I had some hopes that Coulter would try to bid me off the spot like a good capitalist, which would result in her throwing a bunch of money at John for the privilege ;)
But yeah, the reason you’re seeing Tally Road furry Ann Coulter ads is, nobody was buying the ad space yet, so I threw some money at Balloon Juice and grabbed the space. You can too! Click on the link and outbid me before I include goats and pie, on top of all internet traditions ;)
I thought that was a dogwhistle saying ‘this is a BJ commenter and fan helping fund the site and possibly get some traffic if the wind is right’. Come on, ‘all internet traditions’? Dead giveaway, surely?
Laura W
@Just Some Fuckhead: It’s so unfortunate that Corner Stone had to post right under you, ‘cuz you were totally rocking it there before I clicked through on his link.
Talk about crappy timing.
Laura W
I heard the whistle loud and clear. I tried for an hour and a half tonight. Cole makes it really hard for you to help him help himself.
If you can help him with this new program, please do.
I’d really like to put up a fucking ad.
Tonal Crow
@TenguPhule: Ja. To The Hague with them all.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Laura W: Aced a hard test this evening. (Whoever said night school for television punditry was easy is a fucking liar.) So I’m in a rare good mood. I’m sure it will pass quickly enough.
devopsych
Take the animal to the vet. Chances are it’s in pain. Ever had a urinary tract infection? It’s not cute.
guest omen
@Corner Stone:
He recently claimed to ‘have a face for radio’.
could be false modesty. attractive people don’t like to admit they’re good looking.
Just Some Fuckhead
@devopsych:
No, but a kitty with a urinary tract infection all wrapped up in a blanket like a lil eskimo baby is.
guest omen
@JenJen:
ed schultz? ugh. he once accused mike malloy of being anti-semitic for merely questioning israeli policy.
Corner Stone
@Laura W
Ummm…I’m sorry?
Personally, any time I read this in a blog:
I gotta tell ya, "rocking it" is really not the first adjective I come up with. Think "Grandma-esque".
The Other Steve
On the Science front… Some scientists in Sweden uncovered an interesting coincidence. They have been surveying people for the last several years asking about asthma and allergies in children and how these might develop in relation to household contaminants.
This past year in their questionnaire they asked a question about Autism. They were startled to find that of the children with autism, there was a signifigant relationship to the use of vinyl flooring especially in the bedrooms.
They acknowledge the study does not have enough evidence to make a conclusion, but they found it an amazing coincidence. This still doesn’t quite explain autism in the US, as the US is more likely to have carpeting then in Sweden.
More at sciam.com
I was actually thinking… next house I buy is going to have ceramic tile floors. Everywhere. With in floor heating. I’m tired of carpet, and wood floors aren’t durable enough. :-)
Corner Stone
@guest omen
I’ve never seen Mr. Cole and am claiming nothing either way. He may be Leo’s older brother, or a mix between George Clooney and Mathew McConaughey for all I know. Or he could be that guy in the youtube vid. Who’m I to say?
Chris Johnson
Laura W- it shouldn’t be that tough- should I talk you through making a PW ad and bidding on this site with it? John’s got a second PW space now. Damned if I’m going to fill ALL of them, there will be no end to them. Like ‘yay, damn furry bastard will give me endless money!’. You can have the second one ;)
I already had a PW account because I run other people’s ads on my comic, so all I had to do was start an ad, upload a graphic, bid using the money that was already in my account from my own page, and go. If you’re not already a PW-using site who’s collected some money, you’ll have to make an account and put a few bucks into it before you can bid on a site.
I’m just pleased because right now BJ is showing that scary annoying Coulter ad on Google and my gag version directly below it- I hoped that would happen. Enjoy the moment of BJ Zen :)
Right now the second PW adspace isn’t available but it will probably go live pretty soon. To give you a sense of perspective, John’s delivered over 10,000 uniques ALREADY, for thirty cents a day. By PW standards this is an outrageous score, I feel lucky to have spotted it :) Comparable traffic will cost you average three to eight bucks a day, easily… if you extrapolate to what a full day would mean, we’re talking a $10 a day value for 30 cents (for now!)
I could tell webcomic friends of mine about this, but I was here first ;) they will discover it soon enough…
wasabi gasp
I can vouch for that.
Laura W
@Corner Stone: Are you new here? You managed to miss not only my exquisite snark twice, but also a true compliment to both you and Fuckhead for being super funny, each in your own way.
Nuance, Baybee, nuance.
Corner Stone
How many do you know?
Corner Stone
@Laura W
Ouch… I think.
Now I’m considering the possibility that you are triple snarking me.
I’ve got my eye on you…
SGEW
It’s true. We don’t.
. . .
Usually.
Corner Stone
Plus there’s always the fact that any time I comment here I’m at least +4. Yes, even if it’s in the AM.
My laptop won’t even bootup without me clocking a 1.6 on the breathalyzer.
Laura W
@Chris Johnson: Hey, you’re sweet, but I’m already registered and had the ads all configured but come to find that I can’t use a skyscraper, and that’s all John’s site allows. I would’ve knocked you out of your ad space so fast your head would’ve spun off if I’d had a skyscraper ready. Tried to get a banner up. No go.
John needs to allow his site to accept squares and I will create a new ad to fit the square specs. Too small for me, but can be done. (They are not the most flexible when it comes to sizing and such, are they?) I’m all set up with PW. Took 10 min. Got a pal working on two square ads for me as we speak. My ad money is burning a hole in my hand. OUCH.
The talking through/hand holding part should be directed right now to the Publisher and not the Advertiser.
;-)
(Love ya, John. Get ‘er done!)
Just Some Fuckhead
@Laura W:
I sure hope so. I’d hate to think he’s the same idiot that was here during the primaries having an almost daily hissy fit about Obama.
lost in GA
May be redundant if someone else mentioned this in the comments, but I think the technique you used on Tunch is called swaddling. We plan to use this on our (very soon to be here) son.
Just Some Fuckhead
YOUR AD COULD BE RIGHT HERE.
Chris Johnson
Laura- it woulda cost you, babe ;) I may be sweet but you don’t really think I max out at 40 cents, do ya? I EARN money on PW, don’t normally spend it. The idea of pissing away money on John and Tunch for the privilege of drawing silly things on his website amuses the hell out of me :D
Make a skyscraper ad FFS, it’s a perfectly good and rather sizeable configuration. It’s all my own site offers too- maybe John doesn’t like little squares and buttons. What are you going to link to as an ad? I’ll have a look for nothing- tomorrow, ‘cos I got to get to sleep and rise early to draw more OH GOD MY EYES THE FURRY IT BURNS cartoons :)
I am definitely full of glee to get even ONE day of worth-$10-a-day advertising for this little. I seriously doubt there are many of my readers lurking here, so it’s just one-time hits, but those are fun too :)
Probably my upcoming story arcs are seamy enough even to entertain jaded Republicans whose goats are allll worn out :)
Corner Stone
@JSF
Not at Obama – about how Senator Clinton was treated. I’ll never apologize for pointing out the unfair treatment Sec. Clinton got handed to her during the primaries.
And you can suck a thousand rotting penii if you don"t like it.
jibeaux
#17 Lunch Combo Needz Moar Kittehchiladas
I know, not much of an attempt, but it’s not my thing. I’m always amused that any given icanhazcheezburger caption typically has more comments than, say, a thousand word WaPo article on Afghanistan.
@The Other Steve:
Think about this carefully, though. Friends had a cork floor kitchen. I never really liked the looks of it that much, although it felt good. Changed my linoleum to tile, didn’t consider the cork. Looks nice. Don’t really want to stand on it for more than fifteen minutes, in bare feet, etc., drop absolutely anything even from a distance of four inches and it will shatter into five hundred pieces, etc. I still like tile, but have a renewed appreciation for comfort and would definitely at least price the cork if I had it to do over. That said, if you have kids, do not rule out a poured concrete floor that slopes toward a drain in the middle, a la the Honda Element or the elephant pen. I think this may have more advantages than disadvantages.
Mission To Marzipan
@Ad Salesperson at #107:
Eleventy Billion rupees, and that’s my final bid.
So don’t try to sucker me.
Library Grape
I just wanted to highlight how much my favorite John Cole quote has calcified into the blogosphere:
you go, mr. trendsetter cole!
Tattoosydney
@Corner Stone:
I have to go get me some popcorn.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Mission To Marzipan: I’m sorry the bidding window has closed on comment 107. Would you be interested in bidding on comment 114?
LD50
I think that’s mandatory to be on TV. Some kind of law or something.
Corner Stone
@Tattoosydney
Ooooh – the butter flavor or the cheddar? What brand?
LD50
Nah, he’s probably ugly as fuck. All bloggers are. Deep down, we all know that.
Tattoosydney
@Corner Stone:
Home made of course. Don’t start arguing with JSF properly until I get back.
KRK
@jibeaux:
Was your old floor really linoleum, or was it vinyl? Linoleum gets a bad rap because people have used the term synonymously with vinyl sheeting, but linoleum flooring is quite an awesome, greenish option with purported antibacterial benefits. Old linoleum "rugs" (aka floor cloths) are quite the collector’s item.
/bizarre compulsion to defend the honor of linoleum
Corner Stone
@Tattoosydney
Well now you’ve got me hongry fer some popcorn. Damn you.
And argue with JSF? Why? Everyone knows he’s a punk bitch not worth acknowledging.
Just Some Fuckhead
@KRK: Twenty years ago when Mrs. Fuckhead and I still spoke to one another, we’d do a little routine where one of would say, "I love you more than.." (something nice). And back and forth it would go until one of us said "I love you more than linoleum." Then we’d laugh and fuck like rabbits. You just made me think of that.
burnspbesq
Oh, Lordy.
SI is predicting a Mets-Angels World Series this year.
As a lifelong Mets fan living 10 minutes from Angels Stadium, I will just fucking die if that happens.
guest omen
@lost in GA:
but I think the technique you used on Tunch is called swaddling. We plan to use this on our (very soon to be here) son.
awww. congrats!
imasmart
Actually you don’t. Dogs and cats are den animals and like confined spaces. It makes them feel safe. It’s also why crate training for dogs works. Hint to dog people, your dog doesn’t feel caged in, when they are in their crate.
imasmart
@guest omen:
Mike Malloy is a wack job of the first order. He’s no better than Rush, Savage or any of the others.
Steeplejack
@Just Some Fuckhead:
Damn it! You broke my sarcasmometer.
mr. whipple
peak wingnut?
http://www.boomantribune.com/story/2009/4/1/233516/1546
mr. whipple
i’m quite average.
quite.
jnfr
I hope Shuster is just moving to another time. I’d miss him. I like him more than Matthews.
mr. whipple
3-5 pm, est.
MNPundit
I would kick him or throw stuff at him.
SGEW
Ya know, looking back on it, I might admit that I wound up hating on then-Sen. (now-Sec.) Clinton more than I, perhaps, should have during the primaries. Of course, she was a political rival (as I was always an Obama supporter, since ferevah and all) and she had to be defeated in order for my candidate to win. Therefore, I probably tended to villainize (but, hopefully, not demonize) her candidacy more than was strictly, objectively, reasonable.
Additionally, I probably started to viscerally associate her with those dumbass racist self-described-hillbilly motherfuckers in West Virginia and Scranton/Wilkes-Barre I had to canvass for all those weeks and months, the Clinton supporters who jest couldn’t see a black feller named Hussein as President; their "arguments" for Clinton almost certainly colored (if you will) my thinking of her whole campaign, even though, reasonably speaking, they probably shouldn’t necessarily have.[1] Add to this the behavior and demeanor of some of her campaign staff (that guy, Mark Penn, I do not like him), the underlying tension of the Republican opposition (whom I began to also associate with Sen. Clinton’s campaign), the bizarre and freeperish Clinton troll army (oh Paul L., what a gem), and the mind-weirding intensity of the election season, and I suppose I ended up treating her unfairly. Objectively speaking.
In any event, I duly apologize for any unreasonable invective I may have launched against Senator Clinton in this esteemed forum. I don’t recall any particular incident, but I very well may have gone too far in criticizing her campaign at some point or another. I vaguely recall bandying about phrases like "liar," "fool," "idiot," "fucking deranged," and whatnot: I retract these statements and withdraw the more unreasonable and subjective criticisms.
Well! Closure! How nice. Cathartic, even. It’s sort of my secular liberal political confessional impulse, I guess. Forgive me, for I have not been objective and reasonable. Also: M.U.P. power, and all that, now that she’s th’ Sec. of State.
[1]This may be my most ungainly and ugly sentence ever. And that’s saying quite a bit (S.G.E.W. + [redacted]).
SGEW
Also, since my above comment is O/T:
I am certain that the photograph of Tunch is shopped. You can tell by the pixels. There is something very suspicious going on between Mr. Cole and this "Tunch" construct . . . I suspect that Big FURminator is behind all of it. What are they trying to hide?
And if I tried to do that with my kitteh, I would wake up missing a kidney.
HitlerWorshippingPuppyKicker
Is Tunch an indoor cat (doesn’t go outdoors)?
If so, his behavior will be more insane than that of a cat that spends time out of doors. Something about keeping cats indoors all the time fries their little walnut-sized brains. Cats that spend a good deal of time outdoors just have a more rational view of life. For a cat, I mean.
wasabi gasp
My girlfriend does something similar when I spend too much time on the computer. The water pistol doesn’t work for me either.
lost in GA
@guest omen: Many, many thanks for the well wishes :)
bvac
@imasmart: Please explain that to my girlfriends dog, which chewed through its cage.
Loneoak
I went to a school that had a big autism program, and when the students prone to violence would get overwhelmed and lash out the teachers would roll them up in gym mats just like that.
J. Michael Neal
OT: Holy christ, I just ran the prices of GM options through the put-call parity equation. They are seriously fucked up. You ought to be able to make a guaranteed $0.98 a share on the January 2011 synthetic long. Of course, you can’t, and that can only be because it is now completely impossible to short the stock.
I’ve never seen parity this out of line.
AnneLaurie
Temple Grandin, who is autistic, actually invented a ‘hugging machine’ as a way to, um, self-swaddle. She says it makes her feel calm & centered when there’s too much input. Variations on her machine are now used in veterinary practices… and in humane slaughterhouses.
Something in the air or not (and my swelling sinuses say yes), I have been considering sending Dog #3, Goat Boy, to a humane slaughterhouse. For the last several days he’s been doing a performance-art piece titled "Twenty Pounds of Arsehole in A Ten-Pound Sack" and his unwilling housemates/audience — me, the Spousal Unit, our 3 cats & the other 2 dogs — are beyond sick of it. Part of it, I suspect, is that he’s close to celebrating his first anniversary with us, and he’s feeling secure enough at age two-and-a-half to seriously challenge the seven-year-old boydog and fifteen-year-old girldog… as well as the cats (who should just zap him, but two of the three grew up feral), the postman (little bustard managed to climb up the cat tree & leap the 3-foot ‘dog gate’ while I was signing for a package), and every random noise outside (lots of truck traffic on our street, which is one reason for the dog gate). He’d be sooo much easier to live with if he wasn’t so clever, dammit…
imasmart
@bvac:
Um…den…wasn’t big enough?
I know theory…and it’s worked for my animals. hehe
tom.a
A small (4-6" wide) piece of tinfoil squished into a ball will keep cats playing kitty soccer for days on end as long as they don’t lose it behind a piece of furniture.
Chuck Butcher
@tom.a:
Absolutely, Marlin is crazy for tin foil balls and she’s actually a fairly well balanced cat…well there is Gus to keep an eye on her.
The house is an aluminum mine though, what with furniture and what nots.
AnneLaurie
The "safe den good" brain cells aren’t connected to the "chewing stuff fun" brain cells. Some dogs will happily munch their crates into splinters even while using them as a safe haven/comfort hangout. Same kind of disconnect that makes some marathon runners and/or my-body-is-a-temple food cultists smokers, even though humans are supposed to be smarter than dogs…
Counterintuitively, dogs will also reject (& sometimes chew their way out of) crates that are too large, or too open, because they don’t feel "safe" (den-like) enough. Sometimes humans think that wire crates are "more airy" or "interactive" than closed fiberglass models, but many dogs prefer their crates draped with a towel or blanket for security. If dogs have a choice of crates (not uncommon in multi-dog households), they’ll usually choose the crate that’s just big enough for them to lie down comfortably in. When we got our first (oversized) papillon, we’d bring his cocker-spaniel-sized crate over when we visited friends with bigger dogs — including border collies, Irish setters, Afghan hounds & great danes. Several of the bigger dogs made repeated attempts to climb into Galley’s crate, even though their own "dens" were right there. But the only dog who ever climbed into a *bigger* crate was a very alpha little Afghan girl who just wanted to prove that every den was a princess den, and heaven forefend any of us should ever forget that!
imasmart
@AnneLaurie:
I just learned more of the why. Thank you AnneLaurie!
R-Jud
Way down on the dead end of the thread here, but when we were given one of these at our baby shower, we immediately took it home and tried it out on our big cat. He loved it.
Gravenstone
@AnneLaurie:
Wait, what?
You named your dog MyIQ2XU? I’m sorry. No wonder he’s acting out.
/snark
Josh Hueco
Suddenly I have a craving for breakfast burritos.
harlana pepper
I’m dying over the cat spanking videos. My brother’s cat likes to be spanked and one of mine likes a good swat on the hindquarters from time to time. I had no idea this was a rampant phenomenon. Wonder why they like it so much? What does science say? John, you start the research with Tunch.
BenA
@Tokyokie:
I think your first mistake was naming him after a noted impaler. ;-)
WereBear
John gave Tunch something to think about. At least he wasn’t being ignored.
I’ve found that spending ten minutes in some kind of "devoted" activity just for them will give me a couple of hours of being left alone afterwards.
BenA
I think there’s a chance he might just have been cold. ;-)
harlana pepper
Having mixed results w/ the Furminator. I think it’s best to catch them when they are in lounge mode, except for the tortie behemoth, she does not need to be coaxed. A wonderful, magical product, however.
Ah, 2 are in lounge mode right now. Let’s see . . .
tess
If Tunch keeps it up, you should consider taking him to the vet. The cat I’ve had the weirdest relationship with behaved similarly for several days before suddenly stopping, which freaked me out more. A trip to the vet revealed a huge abscess hidden by her very fluffy butt (she’s got a lot of maine coon in her) that required immediate surgery and another two weeks of antibiotics.
The pushy yowling, following me around, fidgety behavior just seemed more like her, but she was trying to tell me something was wrong. It’s just so hard to tell when you have a weird relationship with them.
srv
Man, I dislike cats, but I think they should call PETA on you. What’s next, waterboarding?
Our you could just read Derrick Jensen’s A Language Older Than Words.
Awesome author.
bvac
@AnneLaurie: I forgot to mention the part where the dog cries uncontrollably the instant you put it in the crate and doesn’t stop, ever.
roseyv
Kitties like to be inside of things, I have found. Shopping bags, the sleeves of coats, the space between sofa cushions. I know someone whose cat used to like to stick his head into Kleenex boxes.
It’s also apparently true that one of the best ways to calm a frightened dog is to put a sweatshirt on him and put him in the (empty) bathtub, ISYN. There is even a theory now that when under stress, some autistic children can be soothed with something that is kind of the equivalent of the lead apron they put on you at the dentist’s office when you get X-Rays. I know I find that having the apron on me makes me feel less stressed out while at the dentist, and usually request one. They seem to find this amusing and indulge me.
My point being, maybe your cat was just nervous, and the towel helped to calm him down, you never know. It does make a kind of sense.
Phoebe
This reminds me of Temple Grandin’s squeeze machine, which she had built to calm herself. It’s in her book Animals in Translation, which talks about her autism, and how it’s given her a window into how animals think.
Gatsby
Tunch must have been yowling for a reason. Did you call the vet?
DJMabuse
TUNCH VIDEO NOW PLZ JOHN KTHXBAI
OK, seriously, we need footage of the little beast by now. We’re getting to know him too well but not well enuff.
Comrade Darkness
What we say when our cats get like this is: Oh, the other neuron is firing today.
Tax Analyst
Several years ago I was house-checking/cat-feeding for my older brother while he was out of town. It was summer and very hot here in SoCal and I noticed his cat, a little female kitty named Lexi, did not seem interested in eating and seemed to prefer rolling and flopping around on her back on the cool linoleum floor to eating or drinking or anything else for that matter. Finally she went to the front door and howled to be let out – So OK, out she was let. About 15 minutes later I hear much cat-howling – two voices -coming from in front of the house, so I open the front door and there’s Lexi, face up against the front of the house, and this cat-fellow, let’s call him "Tom", had assumed a mounted position. Well, I had thought my bro’ had done the responsible thing and had little Lexi spayed, but it seems he hadn’t gotten around to it yet. So I go, "Hey, I thought you were fixed!", which caused a momentary pause in the action, which she used to look at me like I’m a dumb-ass with this "I didn’t know I was broken" expression.
But anyway, I could be just projecting, but methinks Tunch is horny. I just Google-checked and found that even a neutered male cat may still exhibit sexual-type behavior. The "Animal Consultant’s" article was kind of interesting because the cat owner was all uptight and embarrassed that the younger of their two "fixed" male cats was spending an awful lot of time mounting the older cat, so they were going around and continually scolding him and saying "NO" all the time. So Cat The Younger would stop, but only for the moment, and the poor, humiliated human would inevitably find the same scenario being repeated later on in the very same day. The consultant found a nice way to tell him/her that animals really don’t have a Moral Code or even actually give a shit what you think, either.
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0FRO/is_3_135/ai_88575972/
Tax Analyst
Well, I don’t know what the strike-through in my post (#162) was about, I didn’t put it there, at least as far as I know. But I couldn’t get back to edit it since I’m at work and had to deal with a real customer.