Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

Cancel the cowardly Times and Post and set up an equivalent monthly donation to ProPublica.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Giving up is unforgivable.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

The snowflake in chief appeared visibly frustrated when questioned by a reporter about egg prices.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

One lie, alone, tears the fabric of reality.

I might just take the rest of the day off and do even more nothing than usual.

When you’re in more danger from the IDF than from Russian shelling, that’s really bad.

The republican ‘Pastor’ of the House is an odious authoritarian little creep.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Republicans cannot even be trusted with their own money.

Republicans: “Abortion is murder but you can take a bus to get one.” Easy peasy.

Disagreements are healthy; personal attacks are not.

If you can’t control your emotions, someone else will.

They don’t have outfits that big. nor codpieces that small.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

People are complicated. Love is not.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

You come for women, you’re gonna get your ass kicked.

You are here: Home / Politics / Republican Stupidity / Hoot Smalley and Other Such Things

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108Comments

  4. 4.

    Beauzeaux

    How does anyone as stupid as Bachmann manage to dress themselves in the morning?

    Hmm. Maybe I don’t really want an answer to that question.

  5. 5.

    Mr. Stuck

    I guess the “Smalley” thing must be a dig at Franken and his Stuart Smalley. She’s not a bad looking woman. Too bad she’s got a walnut size brain. “The Bachmann Boggie” lordy sakes alive, as my grandma used to say.

  6. 6.

    Fierce Pika

    Hoot Smalley is funny enough to become a meme. Someone needs to start making real recordings, I’m serious. You couldn’t have dreamed up a more perfect psuedonym to represent wingnuttia if you tried, and that the name comes from a Bachmann spoonerism is just the icing on the cake.

  8. 8.

    Nylund

    That “Ma Belle” bit has me singing “I’m like Ma Bell, I’ve got the ill communications.”

  9. 9.

    JK

    Michele Bachmann should donate her brain to science. I can only imagine what scientists would find if they could cut slices from her brain and examine them.

  15. 15.

    geg6

    This woman, Michelle Bachmann, is a national treasure. We MUST keep her in Congress. Where’s Laura W? Can we put some of the proceeds from John’s Balloon Juice store toward her reelection campaigns in perpetuity? Not all of it; just a little. I promise the rest will go to the animal shelters. Pleeeeaaaaase?

  18. 18.

    demimondian

    Stop it, all of you! Stop picking on Michelle!

    Can’t you see she’s disabled? She has a prosthetic head!

  20. 20.

    Mr. Stuck

    @harlana pepper:

    my apologies for the inevitable drunken sexism remarks

    I have a tin ear on qualifying sexism most of the time. But “I’ll drop my tea bag in your harbor, honey” seems like at least right up to the line.

  22. 22.

    Joshua Norton

    Michele Bachmann should donate her brain to science.

    Good idea. Someone could use it to keep their papers from blowing off their desk.

  25. 25.

    Dennis-SGMM

    I’m disappointed that the album didn’t include Hoot’s rendition of Dan Hicks’ “How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away?”

  27. 27.

    ChristianPinko

    You must admit, she makes a convincing argument that Al Franken shouldn’t be seated. After all, do we really need two comedians from Minnesota in Congress?

  28. 28.

    Incertus

    I’m at the point now where I expect Bachman to pull off the mask to reveal a still-alive Andy Kaufman who’s been pulling the world’s longest practical joke.

  29. 29.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    Being a Brit I have to admit I know absolutely nothing of which Bachman speaks, I just know (through blogs) that she was so totally wrong that it defies belief.

  32. 32.

    geg6

    Laura W Darling: Perfect! As a financial aid officer, finances are what I do. I think a presidential exploratory committee should be our ultimate goal. Palin/Bachmann 2012!

  33. 33.

    Laura W Darling

    @Mr. Stuck: ‘Member the good old days here, Stuck, when you nearly had to pre-qualify as to your level of highness or drunkeness to post? “LauraW +4”, etc? The archives are full of our host posting and commenting all lit up and stuff. He was funny. And fun.

    Not sure when it became a bad thing to comment with a little buzz on. Especially if one is not combative or unnecessarily crass. (I know that’s subjective.) Heck…I’d post: “Shitting (or Sitting?) On The Cock Of The Ghey” as a song title but I’m afraid I’d be called out and mocked for my Pinot Grigio consumption.

  34. 34.

    cmorenc

    Michele Bachmann should donate her brain to science. I can only imagine what scientists would find if they could cut slices from her brain and examine them.

    They’d need to be *very* thin slices, or else there wouldn’t be enough samples for even the dozen students in a graduate-level lab seminar to work with, let alone a team doing serious scientific research.

  37. 37.

    Dennis-SGMM

    @geg6:

    Palin/Bachmann 2012!

    Nuh -uh! Bachmann/Beck 2012. Like I wrote in another post, ya’ gotta put Glenn Beck on the ticket to attract the moderates.

  38. 38.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    @Laura W Darling:

    Hey Laura Food Lion has decided to discontinue their Yellow Tail Pinot Grigo so they reduced it to $3.00 a bottle, hmmmmmm whats a girl to do? I bought all of them, so I am +1 (bottle) right now so everything I say after this point has to be forgiven, cause, well just it was the Wallabee talking.

  41. 41.

    Third Eye Open

    @Fierce Pika:

    Smalley is a lovely little hamlet in northern England, known for its white bells. Some of us had to suffer through elementary school as a fat kid with that name, cut us some slack

  42. 42.

    p.a.

    To paraphrase Blind Melon Chitlin’, the wingers ‘been dumb so long, looks like smart’ to ’em.

    I second keeping Bachmann on the public dole, but do we really need to impose her on Minnesotans? Not everyone in her district is insane. Create the Office of National Joker, or Rapture Preparedness, or Minister to the RNC. With a weekly mandatory presser.

  43. 43.

    freelancer

    How does anyone as stupid as Bachmann manage to dress themselves in the morning?

    “Michelle has AIDES, she thinks having AIDES is a good thing for people, and if it were up to her, she would mandate that every American has AIDES.” [say it out oud]

    (Sorry, I just watched Jared has Aidslast night. )

  44. 44.

    Seebach

    She’s not a bad looking woman. Too bad she’s got a walnut size brain.

    I was afraid I was the only person who thought this. I never got the Sarah Palin thing, but our crazy Michelle has a certain something besides schitzophrenia.

  45. 45.

    Seebach

    She’s not a bad looking woman. Too bad she’s got a walnut size brain.

    I was afraid I was the only person who thought this. I never got the Sarah Palin thing, but our crazy Michelle has a certain something besides schitzophrenia.

  46. 46.

    Brian J

    You know, even though I’ve been a big social science guy my whole life, I’m pretty forgiving when it comes to slightly botching historical facts and events. I defended Joe Biden, for instance, when he made his comments about Roosevelt being on television during the Great Depression, because even though his facts were badly mixed up, his point about F.D.R. and communication made sense. Now, this just might be the partisan in me talking, but I don’t see how you can defend any of what Bachmann’s saying. Again, it’d be one thing if her message made sense overall, but it doesn’t. So in addition to being wrong, she’s not even coherent.

  47. 47.

    kid bitzer

    okay, but question: who’s the guy in the hat on the album-cover?

    it doesn’t look like franken. looks more like michael palin (but why him?)

    i ain’t getting that part of the joke.

  48. 48.

    kid bitzer

    plus: anyone else remember when pogo characters used to say “hawley smoot!” as a mangling of “holy smoke!”?

  50. 50.

    El Cid

    By the way, where was they a racin’ when FDR passed Hoot Smalley? Did he end up winnin’? Was it a clean race? And was ol’ Hoot hittin’ the hooch while he was a racin’?

  51. 51.

    JK

    Math Problem
    Which number is smaller?
    A. The combined IQs of Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann
    B. Mariano Rivera’s career ERA

    Palin + Bachmann = The Dimmer Twins

  52. 52.

    Brian J

    She’s not a bad looking woman.

    This is sort of embarrassing to admit, but I have this bizarre attraction to Bachmann, or at least her looks. She’s better looking than most of the other “hotties” the right trots out as their own. Maybe it’s because I have a thing for cougarish woman (Sela Ward, Teri Hatcher, and so on), but she gets me every time I see her.

    Of course, then she opens her mouth, at which point I die a little on the inside.

  53. 53.

    Laura W Darling

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Thanks for the tip! I will definitely stop at ours. My new hot buy (as it was in 2006) is the Crane Lake Pinot Grigio. 4.99/bottle at the natural foods market, with a 10% case discount. Obscenely cheap for the quality.
    So anything I say after this is the crane talking.

  57. 57.

    Dennis-SGMM

    Obama is holding a press conference to mark the end of his first hundred days in office. Three more and he’ll have held more press conferences than Bush did in eight years.

  59. 59.

    asiangrrlMN

    Please, please, please make her go away. I don’t think she is attractive at all (neither is La Palina, in my opinion) because to me, abject stupidity is a boner- killer. Er, you know what I mean.

    Gah! I would rip out my hair by the roots if it weren’t my best feature and I weren’t so damn vain about it (it reaches my butt, and it took a long time to get it that long). She drives me to drink–and I’m allergic to alcohol!

    GAAAAAAAAAAH!

    P.S. It’s Michele Bachmann. Short one ‘L’ and a few brain cells, has one to many ‘Ns’ and wingnuttery ideas.

    P.P.S. Her hubby does gay reversion therapy (yes, I know it’s not called that) at a local college that doesn’t allow dancing because it’s too much like sex.

    P.P.P.S. They have five children and have fostered over twenty kids.

    P.P.P.P.S. I’m Jailhouse Eyes Rivers. Weird.

  66. 66.

    JK

    @asiangrrlMN: I respect your opinion, but it seems clear that many millions of young and not so young men (including many members of the MSM) differ with you regarding the degree of physical attractiveness of Palin and, to a lesser degree, Bachmann.

  68. 68.

    LD50

    Here’s what really happened: When Franklin Roosevelt took office, unemployment was already about 25%. And the tariff referred to here was actually the Smoot-Hawley bill, co-authored by Republicans Sen. Reed Smoot of Utah and Rep. Willis Hawley of Oregon, and signed into law by President Herbert Hoover.

    Well, obviously Senators Hoot and Smalley were RINOs who should have been driven out of the Republican party.

  69. 69.

    Calouste

    @Brian J:

    IIRC Biden’s comment was an unprepared comment, or an answer to a question, where Bachmann made a speech on the floor of the House, for which you might expect some preparation.

  70. 70.

    Jon H

    @JK: “Michele Bachmann should donate her brain to science. I can only imagine what scientists would find if they could cut slices from her brain and examine them.”

    It’d get mixed up with the monkey brain specimens.

  73. 73.

    Derek

    I think I won at Blues Name Generator.

    Old Bones Jones. Aw, yeah.

    My Dad is even better, with his middle initial the only difference.

    Old Sugar Jones.

    And one of my brothers.

    Toothless Foot Jones.

    We would be the greatest family band ever.

  75. 75.

    Jim

    anyone else remember when pogo characters used to say “hawley smoot!” as a mangling of “holy smoke!”?

    Yes, I do. And anyone who remembers that should not be calling themselves “Kid”.

  76. 76.

    ice9

    The guy on the album cover is just the most cowboy-looking Google image/extra large image size I could find on short notice. He’s blameless in this matter.

    And I’ll revise the album cover with the ten best song suggestions y’all put up. I’d a done better but I’ve been drinking all afternoon, pretty much.

    ice 9

  77. 77.

    LD50

    I remember the nutroots not questioning this great Historian.
    Obama Claims His Uncle Liberated Auschwitz
    I am told that he is a constitutional law professor.

    ACORN! AYERS! SOCIAL|ST! MICHAEL MOORE IS FAT!

  79. 79.

    kid bitzer

    @76–
    objects in the internet may be older than they appear.

    …as many people have found out on ‘dating services’.

    yeah, i’m as old as hell, but handle aside i don’t make any attempt to hide it.

  80. 80.

    kid bitzer

    oh, and ice9?

    if that’s your work in the album cover, then you did real good.
    my hat’s off to you.

  83. 83.

    Ash Can

    Oh, em, eff, gee…I think I hurt myself laughing at this thread. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the gibson I had while doing dishes this evening, nor the couple of Goose Island 312s I washed it down with, either. But lawdamercy, you guys are hitting a ton tonight.

    And ice9, you rock.

    And so does Walt Kelly.

  85. 85.

    Beauzeaux

    I defended Joe Biden, for instance, when he made his comments about Roosevelt being on television during the Great Depression, because even though his facts were badly mixed up, his point about F.D.R. and communication made sense.

    Biden’s comment makes a hell of a lot more sense when you know that he meant radio, not television. FDR was addressing his constituents via radio well before he became President. (I saw one article indicate that FDR was broadcasting as early as 1928, but I can’t find that source at the moment.)

  86. 86.

    Roger the Cabin Boy

    @harlana pepper

    Does she have kids? I’m just wondering. I’ll bet she keeps those thighs tightly clamped for anything but procreation.

    And self-pleasuring herself while looking at a full-sized poster of W in that flight suit.

  87. 87.

    some guy named comrade mattski

    @Dennis-SGMM:

    Jailhouse Liver Lee

    Now that’s a blue’s name!

    What’s the topic? oh yea right Michelle Bachmann’s, sack of doornobs, insulting to door nobs yadda yadda yadda

  88. 88.

    asiangrrlMN

    @LD50: I like your response to wingnuttery. I think it should be repeated every time one posts here.

    ACORN!
    BILL AYERS!
    MICHAEL MOORE IS FAT!

    If nothing else, it will amuse me.

  89. 89.

    Delia

    Pretty Bones River.

    I don’t think the random blues name generator has enough names in it.

  90. 90.

    Delia

    @Roger the Cabin Boy:

    And self-pleasuring herself while looking at a full-sized poster of W in that flight suit.

    Aack. That image is stuck in my brain and is ruining my night. I want Hoot-Smalley back.

  91. 91.

    SGEW

    @Delia:

    Here ya go: fixd?

    And Hooting her Smalley while looking at a full-sized poster of W in that flight suit.

    i cn haz meme now?

  92. 92.

    Steeplejack

    @ice9:
    Song suggestions:

    “Malkin After Midnight”
    “Foggy Bottom Breakdown”
    “Prop 9 on My Mind”
    “Are You Sure Ronnie Done It This Way?”
    “Make the World Go Away”

    Oops, sorry, that last one is a real country song, but I think Hoot Smalley does awesome covers.

    –Blind Lemon Pledge

  93. 93.

    El Cid

    From the NYT, also, too:

    “I’m not hurt by Arlen Specter walking away,” said Michael Reagan, the son of former President Ronald Reagan and a conservative talk show host. “At least now the party doesn’t waste money supporting someone who does not support the party.” “It’s interesting that people say the right has taken over the Republican Party — but no one can say what we’ve done,” Mr. Reagan said. “We’ve been closeted for the last eight years; it’s time for the right to come out of the closet.”

    Who could disagree?

  94. 94.

    OriGuy

    On the topic of hottish wingnuts, I go for Janine Turner from the Northern Exposure TV show. She campaigned for Sarah Palin.

    — Boney Bad Boy Parker

  95. 95.

    Roger the Cabin Boy

    @Delia

    And self-pleasuring herself while looking at a full-sized poster of W in that flight suit.

    Aack. That image is stuck in my brain and is ruining my night. I want Hoot-Smalley back.

    My sincerest apologies. I hope you’ve recovered by now.

  96. 96.

    Roger the Cabin Boy

    And @SGEW

    Here ya go: fixd?

    And Hooting her Smalley while looking at a full-sized poster of W in that flight suit.

    cn haz meme now?

    My sincerest thanks. And I’m consumed with envy that I didn’t think of it first. That belongs in the Urban Dictionary.

  97. 97.

    HerrBerr

    The wonderful reference to John Galt on the album cover raised a thought I’ve been harboring for a while – does anyone else enjoy the irony of hundreds of blue-collar, semi-educated white men, who are essentially identical, marching and chanting in blissful unison and blindly repeating out-of-context quotations (supplied to them by their leaders) regarding Ayn Rand in general and John Galt in particular?

  99. 99.

    GranFalloon

    Y’know, my grampappy used to buy his corn mash from ol’ Hoot Smalley. Lived down in the holler.

  100. 100.

    ice9

    98–on that topic–Bachman cribbed her Hoot Smalley reference straight from a tortured and nonsensical (though nonetheless unrelentingly positive) review of Amity Shlaes’ ‘analysis’ of economics and FDR and the Great Depression–a theoretical academic made the gaffe first, while reviewing another putative academic, as repeated by a putative puta. So she’s not even stupid enough to make up her own–she steals others’, without any sense that there’s any problem anywhere. What’s dumber: repeating someone else’s very dumb thing, or making up your own?

    ice

  101. 101.

    Libertina

    @HerrBerr: I’ve made note of the irony, but haven’t been able to enjoy it. I might could if it wasn’t wrecking the dating pool here in this sadly red county in Dallas/Fort Worth suburbia.

  102. 102.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @NYT

    “I’m not hurt by Arlen Specter walking away,” said Michael Reagan, the son of former President Ronald Reagan and a conservative talk show host. “At least now the party doesn’t waste money supporting someone who does not support the party.” “It’s interesting that people say the right has taken over the Republican Party — but no one can say what we’ve done,” Mr. Reagan said. “We’ve been closeted for the last eight years; it’s time for the right to come out of the closet.”

    Funny, I’d always thought after hearing about General Edwin Walker and Larry Craig that the right was more into public toilets than they were into closets.

  104. 104.

    Ramon

    Hey, I just did a wiki on ‘Hoot Smalley’ and was redirected to Michele Bachmann. Is this normal? The wiki page has no mention of the gaffe, though. Just saying..

  105. 105.

    Paul L.

    I am confused. According to the progressive narrative Herbert Hoover was a free marketeer who let the economy crash by not regulating it enough.

    How does that square with him signing Smoot-Hawley?

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