Saw this on Fark during lunch and it made me laugh, so I thought I would share it:
Vicious e-mails and personal attacks by Smithfield Township Supervisor Christine Griffin have been the source of friction on the township’s planning commission. Now she has been asked to step down from the commission.
Long, rambling, sometimes incoherent messages have routinely been forwarded from Griffin to dozens of people both on and off the commission.
“Don’t you dare waste my time with your (expletive) you lying cheating son of a (expletive), sneaky back door (expletive) nut (expletive) sucker.” Griffin wrote to one recipient.
In another e-mail sent to multiple readers, Griffin wrote, —¦ all the banging in the bathroom didn’t tell you what I was made of, buddy?? no cement boots for me! Nice try though. a real drama rama! Reminder: I am the quintessential professional! decorum and common sense are my bylaws!”
I gotta admit, with a number of years in a fraternity, decades playing team sports, and almost a decade in the Army, I though I was pretty well-versed in the art of all things profane, but “sneaky back door nut sucker” is a new one for me.
Live and learn.
TenguPhule
Future Supreme Court Justice Material!
Thankovsky
LOL, the last bit about being “professional” and having “decorum” are especially funny. That’s someone with a remarkable degree of self-awareness.
joe from Lowell
People think municipal planning is boring.
People are mistaken.
John Cole
IF you say it a couple of times, it sort of has an elegance to it and rolls off your tongue:
“Listen here, you sneaky backdoor nut sucker!”
Love it.
Tax Analyst
She left out a couple words, it should be “I am the quintessential fucking professional! Fucking decorum and fucking common sense are my fucking bylaws, you Fucking Asshole!
There, that’s better.
blogenfreude
I assume “banging in the bathroom” means what it means. Now that’s decorum.
Third Eye Open
In all my travels throughout the entire US, and a few foreign countries I have never found a place that could come up with a verbose put-down like we can here in the south. Try, Bow-legged swamp-doggie, on for size.
Hunter Gathers
That should be copyrighted, post haste!
Brick Oven Bill
Yes, this is a very good example of a nice rant. This quite possibly is from the lady responsible for managing the man with two desks, who has since moved on. You would be amazed at the low level of literacy among government workers. This is quite comforting to me. There is little I can add other than:
“You should have been a blow job Christine.”
Would have been an appropriate retort from the subject message recipient.
HT
With all the [expletive]s deleted, wouldn’t it be “sneaky back door fuck nut cock sucker”?
aimai
but what are the “cement shoes” doing in that rant?
aimai
Awesom0
With a mouth like that, she could run for Illinois Governor…
JM
Professional? Decorum?
Best meltdown since
Jon H
@blogenfreude: “I assume “banging in the bathroom” means what it means. Now that’s decorum”
Maybe she has difficult bowel movements.
TR
Off topic, but the Glenn Reynolds School of Heh-Indeedy is trying to set up a branch office at Cornell Law School. Check out this moron.
NonyNony
@HT: That’s what I was thinking.
blogenfreude
@TR: Wrote about him yesterday – he’s no Steve Calabresi, but he’s probably the best wingnut Cornell has.
DougJ
It’s good stuff. Sign her up for Full Metal Jacket II.
Joe Max
It’s great just as “sneaky backdoor nut sucker” but the (explatives) would make it better!
“Sneaky backdoor assfuck nut cock sucker!”
(@HT: I think adding “ass” to “fuck” is appropriate due to the “backdoor” clue.)
R-Jud
I grew up in that part of the Poconos, and Sweary McNoNeck is a sterling example of the local color. Doesn’t surprise me that she’s a Township Supervisor– I’m amazed they didn’t make her Queen.
And dig the top stories at the Pocono Wretched:
*Gluten mutiny: Undiagnosed celiac disease causing untold bowel distress
*N.J. man convicted in East Stroudsburg baseball bat attack –
*Bath chiropractor accused of molesting patients –
*Middle Smithfield Dunkin Donuts suffers drive-by reach-in theft
And as an added bonus:
*Syrup-covered suspect charged in Bethlehem pudding vandalism, robberies
*Suburban Phila. man charged in beer pong killing
Though technically suburban Philly is nothing to do with the Poconos. They play beer pong there, ’cause they’re upscale.
dr.hypercube
@14 Jon H,
Who! Does! Number! Two! Work! For?!
Joe Max
But what the hell is a “Clinical” Professor of Law?
Such legalese always puzzles me…
blogenfreude
@Joe Max: In charge of immigration or family law clinic or similar – where law students actually get their hands dirty helping clients.
Joshua Norton
They stopped trying to make sense years ago. Now they just combine words at random and hope for the best.
Fulcanelli
Sounds like a rippin’ case of Tourette’s. Political party affiliation?
Krista
Ah, I always enjoy hearing new and creative invective. It’s like a palate refresher.
TR
@Joe Max: Glad to see someone is on it.
I love how he insists that his post on how the Liberal Media and “the nutroots” are covering up Obama’s love of Dijon mustard — a post that contains ten different updates! — is somehow “striking a nerve” with liberals across the land.
What an incredible sense of self-delusion and self-importance. I weep for any law student who has to take a class with such an insufferable asshole.
Dennis-SGMM
@Third Eye Open:
It was only when I got down to South Texas that I heard the phrase “No-good, jizz-lickin’ dog.”
Napoleon
@Joe Max:
But what the hell is a “Clinical” Professor of Law?
It is weird they would use that way to describe this, but some/most (?) law schools will have clinical programs you can get credit for. Think of them as kind of an in house internship to give you “real life” experience. The law school I went to has this one:
http://law.case.edu/clinic/
IMO it is a second rate professorship at any law school unless you happened to be fully tenured and run the program.
BTW, what is it with these whacked out wingnut law professors?
Chinn Romney
The Army? Athletics? Pshaw, in my experience women when they set their minds to it, are in a class by themselves when it comes to all things graphic and profane.
Dennis-SGMM
@TR:
Between having our nerves struck over the Grey Poupon and grappling with the teabag revolution we liberals will be lucky to last past summer.
alamacTHC
Shouldn’t that be: “Sneaky back door teabagger”?
chiggins
Christine Griffin: Heeeee’s nothing but lowdown, double dealin’, back-stabbin’ sneaky backdoor nut sucker!!!
Stern: Christine…
Christine Griffin: Hangin’s too good for him! Burnin’s too good for him!
Stern: Christine…
Christine Griffin: HE should be torn into itsy bitsy pieces! And buried aliiiiiiiive!
Stern: Christine…
Christine Griffin: Decorum and common sense are my bylaws! I’LL KILL HIM!
The Dangerman
“sneaky back door nut sucker”
Sounds like someone went to a teabagging rally.
yellowdog
@Joe Max:
Don’t you think ‘backdoor assfuck’ is a bit redundant?
JK
OT
Jeffrey Rosen defends his shameless drive-by hit job on Sotomayor
http://www.tnr.com/politics/story.html?id=6168aeb7-9869-43eb-b401-2204a0d84478
Third Eye Open
@Dennis-SGMM:
One of my favs, in reference to a local county commission member: “He’s slicker than pig-snot on a door-knob”
Joey Maloney
We are aware of all sneaky back door nut sucking internet traditions.
jake 4 that 1
New tag. Or a t-shirt.
@Chinn Romney: Ah, you’ve met my grandmother then?
Tim (The Oher One)
I made the mistake of clicking the link and immediately saw her picture. She would definitely kick my ass…
Dennis-SGMM
@Tim (The Oher One):
Just clicked on it too. She looks like she’d bite your nuts off and spit them in your face.
ThatLeftTurnInABQ
This is going to be the hot new fashion in academia – Wingnut Studies. Soon new Departments will be founded and chairs will have to be filled, devoted to the care and study of Homo Wingnuttus. Top universities would be well advised to recruit prime talent before it all gets snapped up.
greynoldsct00
No kidding, she looks like she belongs on Jerry Springer
p.a.
sneaky back door nut sucker
With a tip of the hat to Dave Barry, what a great name for a band!
Garage rock, prolly.
Just Some Fuckhead
Sounds like a good nickname for Specter and a good tag for any posts about Specter. He just got a subcommittee chairmanship, dontyaknow.
Mr. Poppinfresh
It’s pretty clearly “fucknut cock-sucker”.
I mean, come ON.
Xanthippas
Wow. From his post:
This in the middle of a 1,000 word post (his second) on how Obama ordered Dijon mustard on his burger. Congratulations on a staggerlingly low perception threshold for irony there, Mr. Jacobson.
Dennis-SGMM
@Just Some Fuckhead:
That would have to be cleared with Joe Lieberman.
sgwhiteinfla
I took a cursory look through the thread and I might be wrong but it doesn’t look like anybody has pointed out that this woman should DEFINITELY hook up with Blago. Those conversations would be fucking priceless!
justme
@Tim (The Oher One): @Dennis-SGMM:
etc.
Re: “banging in the bathroom.”
MY EYEZ!!!! TEH GOGGLZEZ- ZEY DO NUSSSSINK!!!!
Glidwrith
I always like “Dung-eared, dung-faced disgrace to a gamekeepers gibbet” – courtesy of Watership Down
“Sheep-biting, goat-tupping weasel” is my second favorite – Covenants, by Lorna Freeman
Dennis-SGMM
OT: We’re all quivering with antici…………….pation:
Republicans unveil competing energy proposal
“So what their numbers are and what their goals are probably is insignificant … what we’re talking about is a new vision for the future of the country,” Bishop said.
In other words:
“We intend to present a chart with a lot of circles on it and rely heavily on the Underpants Gnomes to fill in the gaps.”
Michael
Sadly, you’ve got to register on one of those other things to post on Jacobson’s idiot blog.
I’m too apathetic about Wingnutopia to do that.
Michael
That vision, of course, being one without any form of restraint or responsibility on the part of the unaccountable corporations for the wreckage they cause to the economy and environment.
Conservative plutocrats make for the shittiest neighbors.
someguy
@ Fulcanelli
D, apparently. Which is a shame since she’d make a good poster child for Republican Family Values in 2010.
r€nato
@TR:
with regards to Burgergate:
Dear Prospective Republican:
Congratulations! You’re just one small step from joining God’s Own Party!
Please fill out the attached form in full. Also, please be sure to read in full the 3 pages long (front and back) document which contains the Republican Dietary Laws, which are summarized here:
1) Whenever ordering a philly cheese steak, first make sure to enquire as to which cheese the locals like to put on theirs. Failure to do so may result in your being branded as an elitist.
2) Diet soda is for fags.
3) When selecting mustard as a condiment, please ensure that it is common yellow American mustard. No imported french mustards, not even Grey Poupon (even if it is made in America). “French’s” mustard, though technically permissible, should probably be avoided for obvious reasons.
4) No Heinz ketchup.
5) No imported beer. Bud and Coors are acceptable, in that order of preference. Miller is not acceptable.
6) Consumption of the following fresh vegetables is permitted: iceberg lettuce, ‘regular’ tomatoes, celery, corn, carrots and cucumbers. Any other variety of lettuce such as romaine lettuce or butter lettuce is prohibited. When choosing a salad dressing, a good choice is 1000 Island or Ranch. Never select anything with the word ‘vinagrette’ in its name. French dressing is right out.
Arugula is for fags, as are organic vegetables. All other vegetables should be consumed cooked and topped with butter or as heavy of a cream sauce as possible.
7) Eat as much red meat as possible. This really pisses off PETA, vegetarians, and Al Gore. As we all know, the ultimate goal of conservatism is to annoy liberals as much as possible.
8) All grocery shopping should be done by your girlfriend or wife. Should you be required to go to the grocery store as well (perhaps to give her instruction in how to properly follow these dietary laws), do not push the cart as this is a sign of an emasculated boyfriend or husband. Do not shop at Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods or other pinko commie elitist grocery stores such as these. When asked ‘paper or plastic’, request that your purchases be bagged individually and triple-bagged with non-recyclable plastic bags. Discard the excess bags in the parking lot. This also annoys Al Gore.
Finally, please be sure to read and sign the “I Am Not A Secret Fag” document. It’s just a formality but we’ve had a real problem with this lately so it is necessary. Be sure to remember that it still counts as faggotry if you only pitch and never catch. If you don’t know what this means, don’t worry about it. We don’t want you getting curious.
Welcome to the Republican party! You betcha!
Hippity-hoppity yours fo’ shizzle,
Michael Steele
Dennis-SGMM
@Michael:
Why do I get the feeling that their “new vision for the future of the country’ will look just like this?
TR
@r€nato:
Beautiful.
The comments over there are priceless. Jacobson and his handful of regulars are strutting around with pride that they’ve made the left all “OUTRAGED” because they dared to mock Obama’s choice of condiments.
And yet all the comments from liberals are clearly in the “WTF?” mode of not believing anyone — much less a law prof at a top school — would give the slightest shit about anyone’s choice of condiments.
Someone needs to archive those posts, because when we’re trying to remember why conservatism and the Republican Party died out in 2009-2010, we’ll need to use these as prime examples.
r€nato
@TR:
they really think they’ve shown us, don’t they?
let’s not try to convince them otherwise…
harlana pepper
. . .
r€nato
I’m rather impressed at the creativity of Ms. Griffin’s profanity and also that her spelling is impeccable. Usually that kind of profanity goes hand-in-hand with semi-literacy.
“Sneaky back door nut sucker.” I’m going to remember that one for future use.
Napoleon
@r€nato:
This is the tell that this is not from a true wingnut righty. Coors is a hard core right winger who has funded the rights causes for years and would undoubtedly be first (and is the reason why I don’t buy their products).
harlana pepper
GOP doomed
:^)
r€nato
@Napoleon:
you mean besides the fact that everything they brew is donkey piss?
smiley
@TR: I keep checking memorandum to see if that idiocy is represented. No such luck.
Persia
I’m still trying to figure out why yellow mustard is American. Don’t they know that stuff came from Europe?
Third Eye Open
@r€nato:
Budweiser is no longer an American company though, since being purchased by the Dutch. Also!
smiley
@Third Eye Open: I believe it was the Belgians … but whatever.
smiley
I’m a mayonnaise-on-burger guy but since I’m an Obamabot, I guess I’m compelled to switch to spicy or dijon mustard.
Jen R
OT (except in that Republican dick-headedness is always on-topic): Darrell Issa thinks federal workers will adopt child after child just to get time off if you give them parental leave:
John T
@r€nato:
Comment of the week!
Perhaps orange juice should be added to the list. Also.
TR
Probably the wisest course of action, but mocking the stupidity is just so tempting.
Comrade Kevin
@Jen R: What an ignoramus! That’s some serious stupidity by Issa.
Patriot
The only thing Supervisor Griffin may have left out was calling him a pencil-dicked motherfucker.
Kudos to the Supervisor who has this former Navy guy’s admiration.
r€nato
@Comrade Kevin:
I don’t know if it’s all that stupid. He could have a point. Now that gay marriage is legal in Maine, I’m thinking of moving there so I can marry a box turtle.
TenguPhule
Is BOB the founder of this organization?
Dr. Squid
@R-Jud:
Younger brother is an East Stroudsburg grad, and he’s pretty familiar with the local color up there. Wouldn’t have been surprised if the accompanying picture of the cutter had a big chaw of tobaccy dripping from her mouth.
harlana pepper
i do not understand wtf is going on
asiangrrlMN
Ok, so I was concerned for this young lady’s mental health at first until y’all told me that this is pretty common vernacular for her area. Whew!
I definitely agree that she should hook up with Blago. That would be some fucking gold, right there.
DonkeyKong
About ten years ago I saw a series of movie titles on the marquee. The movies were “Chocolate”, “Blow” and “Snatch.”
Dr. Squid
@r€nato:
Odd, since the full name of the company is SAE MillerCoors.
bago
@yellowdog: Depends. Does this involve a gymnast?
bago
Younger Brother was formed in 2003 by Simon Posford and Benji Vaughan. Mmmm… Posford.
R-Jud
@Dr. Squid: How recently did your brother graduate from ESU? If he had anything to do with the track team, he probably knows my Dad.
In re Supervisor Griffin: I’ve just had an email from someone who knows her saying that she is a bright lady with a bona fide medical condition for which she should be taking medication, but won’t.
So basically, we’re all jerks. Though she should still step down if she can’t manage her illness consistently.