Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

The willow is too close to the house.

Republicans can’t even be trusted with their own money.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

Ron DeSantis, the grand wizard, oops, governor of FL

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

A lot of Dems talk about what the media tells them to talk about. Not helpful.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

How can republicans represent us when they don’t trust women?

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

Today’s GOP: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Let’s finish the job.

No Justins, No Peace

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Bark louder, little dog.

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

You are here: Home / Sports / Pens v. Hurricanes Open Thread

Reader Interactions

110Comments

  2. 2.

    robertdsc

    Watching Rod Brind’Amour lift the Cup a couple of years back was pretty neat.

  3. 3.

    Blue Raven

    As a Bruins fan, I am prone to agree with you, John. Sun Belt teams. Bah. Humbug.

  7. 7.

    Laura W

    I don’t have a thing to say about writing implements or weather phenomena but may I just say that it takes a very special man to look gorgeous in a baby pink tie.
    Lookin’ at you, KO.

  8. 8.

    MikeJ

    Just to move the wine talk from the Klein thread to the open thread, I’ll reply to Laura W here:

    I’m pretty hung up on Garnacha lately.

    Much of what they grow in Jumilla is garnacha, so you can take my advice AND stick with what you know. My fear is that more people are going to catch on and drive up the price. Since I’ve been seeking them out the most I’ve paid for a jumilla was about $15, and the worst result I’ve had was at least drinkable. Most of what I’ve had has been around $10 and typically as good as a $15-$20 Cali wine.

  9. 9.

    JenJen

    Not Pens-related, but this is pretty funny; apparently, the Palin Camp still thinks going after the mythical, elusive PUMA vote is political and ballot-box gold:

    Greta Susteren’s PUMA Husband Urged Palin To Use PAC To Retire Hillary Clinton’s Campaign Debt – Politico

    (We’re allowed to compose our own headlines, right?)

    So, does this leak from “Palin insiders” signify a crack in the Fox News-Greta Susteren-John Coale (NO RELATION)-PUMA-Scientology exterior? I worry so.

    By the way, I didn’t realize Bill Clinton called Palin after the election..?

  10. 10.

    shoutingattherain

    @ John Cole

    Satan is always welcome hereabouts, and it’s good to see him get that first one. He’s been something of an empty sweater so far in these playoffs.

    His last playoff goal was 2007. The Pens are flat flying right now.

  11. 11.

    Laura W

    @MikeJ: OK, I’m on a Jumilla mission now. I’m about done wasting $$ on Italian and French $10 offerings. Gonna stick with Australia, NZ, Spain and Argentina. Maybe South Africa.

  12. 12.

    Third Eye Open

    uhmmmm, Fuck the Wings?

    Aww, who the hell am I kidding, I am just rooting again the Red Wings this year (like last year) *sigh* Only 4 more months until pre-season.

    Next year is the Avs year, I tell ya! It’s their year, dammit!

  13. 13.

    Dennis Doubleday

    @shoutingattherain: Satan has been far from an empty sweater in the playoffs. No goals, but he has played very well and had some really sweet assists, especially against Washington (2 on 1 breakaway to Crosby and two give and gos with Staal.)

  14. 14.

    shoutingattherain

    @Dennis Doubleday

    Satan was barely noticable in the Philly series, which is not hard to figure because he was scratched like Catwoman’s husband most of the time. He did very little towards the end of the regs to warrant getting any ice time.

    Didn’t he get sent down to WBS for a while in March when the Pens were really starting to gel under Blysma?

    But, you’re right. He is playing better. IMHO the Pens as a team are playing MUCH better than they did in the Flyer series, and they seem to have developed some real chemistry along the way.

    Sid Crosby. Worst playoff beard ever….

  15. 15.

    MikeJ

    I’m about done wasting $$ on Italian and French $10 offerings.

    Laura, I’m a french wine snob to the point that I can tell St-Émilion from St-Estèphe without looking (come one, they’re on opposite banks of the river!), but I don’t buy as much as I used to. When I lived on the East coast they seemed a lot cheaper, but now living in a real wine producing state (sorry Virginia, you’re really, really not) French wines seem to cost a whole lot more. The tax policy sort of works, in that I do drink a lot more Washington wine than I did before (and some of them are great!), but my foreign consumption moved from the more expensive to less expensive regions. Hell, I still buy Veuve Cliquot champers every time I see it for sale for the “right” price, i.e. what I paid in DC, ~$39 (it’s usually $59 out here).

  16. 16.

    J. Michael Neal

    Didn’t he get sent down to WBS for a while in March when the Pens were really starting to gel under Blysma?

    That was a salary cap move. While Satan was in the AHL, his salary didn’t count against the cap. One more reason to hate the damned thing.

    I am enjoying that Chicago is better, finally. Detroit/Chicago makes a great rivalry. I think it’s going to take another year, though. I think the Wings got into the Hawks’ heads back in January. They just dominated yesterday.

  17. 17.

    geg6

    Like John, I love that all those Carolinians are having to deal with our very own Satan. Makes me all warm and fuzzy. I’d also like to see Jordan Staal kick some ass this series. Just because he4 the poor younger brother and I sympathize with competing against an older sibling.

  18. 18.

    Laura W

    @MikeJ: I’ve lived in Napa, Monterey/Carmel (twice), Santa Barbara and Fresno (twice, ugh.) And did a lot of time in the restaurant/wine industries while there, and a lot of wine drinking when working in other industries.
    My knowledge of CA wine regions and producers was pretty deep. It’s surely dated now. Got into Oregon and WA wines, and Australia/NZ, when I moved to CO and did retail wine for a year. But I remained remain a blithering idiot about European wines for the most part.

    Well, you know, there are a LOT of countries in Europe!
    So it’s pretty new and fun for me, and overwhelming in terms of all of the new regions to become familiar with. But like anything, practice practice! Also, I have a pretty discerning and consistent palate and I know what I like in terms of grapes, sensory components and winemaking styles, so it’s easier to cull through the endless options once I get a handle on the grapes of the regions.

    Where’s DougJ? Doesn’t seem fair this should be happening in a hockey thread. This is about hockey, is it not?

  21. 21.

    JL

    Where’s DougJ? Doesn’t seem fair this should be happening in a hockey thread. This is about hockey, is it not?

    It’s also an open thread! I just saw this wonderful piece of news of The Page

    BREAKING: Advisers urged Palin to help retire H. Clinton’s campaign debt and pal around with former First Couple….

    So are the Clinton’s the real Americans that Sarah talks about?

  22. 22.

    MikeJ

    Doesn’t seem fair this should be happening in a hockey thread. This is about hockey, is it not?

    hockey/open thread. And doesn’t all good hockey happen where they speak french? (sorry, good natured dig at the locals. I know shit about hockey, despite having demoed for Ted Leonis.)

  23. 23.

    sashal

    I was a Pittsburgh fan since they were the lowest team in the leage and the youngest and just drafted the talented young players.
    Our time has come….

    But before that I was loyal Red Wings guy….

  24. 24.

    Tim

    Curse not having a TV. Must find a bar to watch the Pens. But also must pack to move. Decisions, decisions…

  25. 25.

    Tim

    Score! Not the Pens, but I just found a radio feed online, so can listen to the incredible Mike Lange.

  26. 26.

    Maurs

    Has anyone seen this? Hersh says Cheney ordered Bhutto’s assassination?

    —————————————————–
    Never mind…Hersh is now saying he was mis quoted. I knew this sounded too crazy.

  28. 28.

    LV-426

    I still can’t believe the Bruins are out.

    We could have had an all Black and Gold conference finals. The originals versus the thieves.

    Go Pens but I predict the hurricanes trap will strangle the life out of the pens eventually. I hope not because I can’t stand that style of hockey and I want it to fail.

  31. 31.

    Tim

    @demkat620: Yup. They moved in 1997. I used to live in Durham, NC, and will say that the Hurricanes have been building a good fan base. A lot of the fans are carpet-baggers (like I was), but even some of the locals have grown to like them. Winning the Cup in ’06 helped the process along.

  32. 32.

    JenJen

    @JL: I’m loving this story (see upthread)!

    I dunno if I believe John Coale (NO RELATION, SERIOUSLY) with his brand-new, never-before-heard bombshell that Bill Clinton rang Sarah Palin up, all nicey-nice, after the election. It doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, to anyone, and he’s not exactly Mr. Credible, considering his proximity to the subject, and of course his and his wife’s talent for attracting klieg lights.

    I keep wanting to type “John Coale is a Tool” but even the phonetics bug me. :-(

  33. 33.

    Dennis-SGMM

    Posted this on the prior thread, which seems to have gone moribund:
    The three Clint Eastwood ‘Man With No Name’ movies; “A Fistful of Dollars,” “For a Few Dollars More,” and “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly,” are being sold as a set at Costco for a whole $16.99. The set is put out by MGM and each DVD has the letterbox version on one side and the full screen (Yech!) on the other.
    That’s a ton of squinty-eyed, gratuitous violence for seventeen bucks.

  34. 34.

    Dennis-SGMM

    @JenJen:
    Ol’ Bill promised Palin a copy of the real ‘Whitey’ Tape if she’d kip in. Only an idiot would pay good money for… Never mind.

  35. 35.

    gbear

    I’m seeing ‘open thread’ and ignoring ‘pens vs hurricaines’. Hockey going into June is just not natural.

    Do stories like this about gun conventions in the post-Bush world have anybody else getting nervous? I really do fear for Obama and his staff. Someday a group of these guys are going to go over the edge. I hope when it happens there’s not a domino effect.

    Oh, and to go OT on my own comment, Tucker Carlson asserted that President Obama was afraid to use the word” “abortion” during his May 17 commencement address at Notre Dame.
    What a maroon.

  36. 36.

    Laura W

    @Dennis-SGMM: Well I responded to you, but it was wine-related, so you probably won’t go back to look.

    @gbear: ‘I’m seeing ‘open thread’ and ignoring ‘pens vs hurricaines’
    Seems to be the destiny of this thread. Wonder if John keeps his classes on topic with more success than he does us?

  38. 38.

    Dennis-SGMM

    @gbear:

    Oh, and to go OT on my own comment, Tucker Carlson asserted that President Obama was afraid to use the word” “abortion” during his May 17 commencement address at Notre Dame.

    The anti-abortion, er, pro-lifers seem to be kind of afraid of that word themselves.

  39. 39.

    Third Eye Open

    @Dennis-SGMM:

    If I had a Costo card I would so TOTALLY be there, but alas, I am but a poor state-worker. IMHO, High Plains Drifter was the most emotionally satisfying of his westerns, I still think about Sunday mornings and pancakes with my father when I watch it. LOL

  40. 40.

    Dennis-SGMM

    @Laura W:
    Alas, a bottle of French wine is but a fleeting experience. Clint Eastwood killing more men than Cecil B. DeMille is forever.

  41. 41.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    Just had to share this elegant summary of the state of the LoonyCon movement (via S, N!)

    As soon as my finger was raised, a phalanx of photographers began snapping away at the white middle-aged man wearing a white LaCoste shirt next to the old red, white and blue. Cognizant of the power of imagery, I owned the moment and refused to back down. The fist wielder immediately dropped his arm. I clearly had won and envisioned photos of the anti-antiwar protester making the front pages of the Los Angeles Times.

    Sadly. No.

  45. 45.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    @Laura W: I have come to the basic conclusion “american wines” = bad. European, australian, new zeland wines = good. Basically American wineries ADD sulphides to their wines (cause to be a complete and utter snob ) Americans are too uneducated to understand that sediment is a natural part of wine making, to Americans sediment is “yuk” whereas to the rest of the world sediment is “wine”, so American wineries are required to add inordinate amounts of sulphates to their wine in order to pass the FDA regulations. I spoke to a vinter here in NC and asked him “which of your wines have the least sulphates” and he honestly said “none” the FDA forces them to add them to the wine, which totally makes it undrinkable for me, well I could drink it if I could handle the ass kicking UTI the following day.

  47. 47.

    Laura W

    @John Cole: I thought you died between last night and 12 noon today when there was no sign of you. But as always, I was just a few hours ahead of myself.

    You didn’t nearly scald yourself to death with tea water again, did you?

  48. 48.

    Krista

    @Laura W: No, I almost just died in a home accident and wanted to see if anyone picked up on it.

    What did you do? What happened? I’m assuming you’re okay, if you’re commenting…

  49. 49.

    TenguPhule

    I almost just died in a home accident and wanted to see if anyone picked up on it.

    Was that what that upset stomach was?

  51. 51.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    @Krista: He got back from Trader Joe’s and just downed a $2 bottle of rot gut and lived to tell the tale!

  52. 52.

    gbear

    @Dennis-SGMM: Obama didn’t seem to be shying away from it though. Media Matters shows that Obama used the word at least seven times in the ND speech. Tucker’s point doesn’t hold up (yea, so what else is new…) Using the word abortion seven times in a college commencement seems like a LOT of use, but the circumstances leading up to this speech were bizarre anyway.

  53. 53.

    freelancer

    Wonder if John keeps his classes on topic with more success than he does us?

    His classes? It just occurred to me I have no idea what that refers to, or what Cole does. Even having been a reader/lurker/commenter of this site for over 2 years, if he ever mentioned it, it slipped by me. Care to shed some light on the subject?

    Edit: answer likely to be derailed by exposition about Tunch almost slaying him, damn!

  54. 54.

    JenJen

    @freelancer: Saw it on Friday… Rachel’s right, her voice is not ideally-suited to the auto-tuner! That shit is brilliant… soon as her show wrapped up I went off to catch up on the ones I had missed!

    @John Cole: Tripped? Burned? Head injury? Don’t leave us hangin’ like BOB would.

  55. 55.

    TenguPhule

    Do stories like this about gun conventions in the post-Bush world have anybody else getting nervous? I really do fear for Obama and his staff. Someday a group of these guys are going to go over the edge. I hope when it happens there’s not a domino effect.

    Those NRA shitheads forfeit any right to own guns for “protecting Americans from their government” the moment they let Bush do whatever the fuck he wanted for 8 years.

  56. 56.

    John Cole

    Oh, I’m fine.

    I decided to combine some housecleaning with personal hygiene, stripped naked to mop the bathroom and mopped my way into the tub, then, forgetting that the last time I showered I had not turned the knob back so that the water would come out the bottom when I turned it back on, started the shower. This, of course, shot cold water onto the back of my head and neck and back, causing me to shoot straight up into the air, trying to stabilize myself with the mop, slipping, and falling through the shower curtain, almost braining myself on the commode.

    I won’t do that again.

  60. 60.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Two good wine recs for you:

    Alexander Valley Vineyards Cabernet (05) – about $14 per bottle.

    Dynamite Vineyards Cabernet (05) about the same price

    Really like the wines by Lockwood as well. Solid Pinot Noir

    By the way, we have a major liquor, beer and wine wholesaler here in Houston called Spec’s – best selection and prices I have every seen. I believe they are one of the top buyers by volume of alcohol in the US. They have everything. The flagship store near downtown Houston has really knowledgeable staff which is an added bonus.

  62. 62.

    TenguPhule

    I decided to combine some housecleaning with personal hygiene, stripped naked to mop the bathroom and mopped my way into the tub

    TMI!

  65. 65.

    demkat620

    @John Cole: When you first said you almost died I thought I won’t sleep without knowing. Now I won’t sleep with out laughing. Night Bjuicer’s. It was a good day.

    Go to bed John. Go to bed.

  67. 67.

    Krista

    Okay, John. Now I’m actually visualizing this, and am alternating between being very, very disturbed by the image, and being very, very amused by it.

    I am glad you’re okay, though.

  68. 68.

    Dennis-SGMM

    OTOH, naked + mop handle + slip and fall suggests that hitting your head on the commode may not be the worst thing that could have happened.
    “Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I’ve found you…”

  69. 69.

    Ash Can

    @shoutingattherain:

    Satan. Then Malkin. 2 quickies. Love that.

    Being a hockey fan myself, I do know what you’re actually saying here. Within the context of this blog, however, this line is positively artful.

    @J. Michael Neal:

    I am enjoying that Chicago is better, finally…I think it’s going to take another year, though.

    I recall hearing earlier this year that the Black Hawks are the youngest team in the NHL. I’d say that bodes extremely well.

    @John Cole: I’m not laughing. I swear to God. I am NOT laughing.

  70. 70.

    JGabriel

    Well, while we’ve got an open thread, can anyone tell what the deal is with JJ Abrams and puncturing red balls? He does it in Alias, and now in Star Trek.

    Is it Freudian?

    .

  72. 72.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    @JGabriel: I don’t watch Alias, so not sure of the context there. But maybe it is like the presence of oranges in the Godfather movies – something bad happens when you see the oranges…

  73. 73.

    JGabriel

    @Gordon, The Big Express Engine:

    … maybe it is like the presence of oranges in the Godfather movies – something bad happens when you see the oranges…

    Yes, umm, I’m pretty sure most people can agree that red balls are rarely a good thing.

    .

  74. 74.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    @John Cole: OK. I’m not laughing at what happened to you. Much. Really.

    But the idea of the cops puzzling over your cat-chewed carcass, mop clutched in one hand, the shards of your toilet bowl forming a halo…

    Bwahahaa!

    Sorry. Household accidents are a dreadful thing. Glad you weren’t hurt.

    Waahaahaaaah!

  75. 75.

    JGabriel

    9:20-10:05 : 40 Comments.

    10:05 – 10:45 : 4 Comments.

    Jeepers, did I kill the thread?

    .

  76. 76.

    wasabi gasp

    Kicking the bucket naked while holding a mop handle and wrapped in a shower curtain has been topped by two wet suits and a dildo. Step it up, man.

  80. 80.

    JGabriel

    @wasabi gasp:

    Kicking the bucket naked while holding a mop handle and wrapped in a shower curtain has been topped by two wet suits and a dildo.

    Good point. But how do you top that? Three wetsuits? How many dildos?

    Or do we need an entirely new paradigm to top two wetsuits and a dildo? Maybe something along the lines of two yaks, a French tickler, and an electric prod?

  82. 82.

    gnomedad

    Now we’ll never see another open thread without wondering what John is doing and whether he’s clothed.

  83. 83.

    freelancer

    His classes? It just occurred to me I have no idea what that refers to, or what Cole does. Even having been a reader/lurker/commenter of this site for over 2 years, if he ever mentioned it, it slipped by me. Care to shed some light on the subject?
    Edit: answer likely to be derailed by exposition about Tunch almost slaying him, damn! John almost killing himself with his own fight or flight instinctual reaction.

    I’ve been quite prescient lately. I’m surprised I didn’t sense it either, as if a lone voice cried out to my east and then silence. Then muttering and chuckling at the realization that he was still alive.

  84. 84.

    Fulcanelli

    Accidental fall or not, John, I hope this incident you had cleaning your bathroom in the nude with a mop isn’t in any way related to the post you put up a short while ago asking about the best video camera and microphone to buy.

  85. 85.

    wasabi gasp

    But how do you top that?

    Not sure, but Beck followed Where It’s At, which had the two turntables and a microphone lyric, with Devil’s Haircut. So, the clues lie within. I’m guessing you gotta do something cool with whatever your rotten oasis is.

  86. 86.

    JGabriel

    Fulcanelli:

    I hope this incident you had cleaning your bathroom in the nude with a mop isn’t in any way related to the post you put up a short while ago asking about the best video camera and microphone to buy.

    Fulcanelli speaks for himself. The rest of us hope that it is.

    .

  88. 88.

    Laura W

    @John Cole:

    slipping, and falling through the shower curtain, almost braining myself on the commode.

    It’s been 1:25 since we’ve heard from you, John.
    You’re not gonna go all Natasha Richardson on our asses are you?

  89. 89.

    wasabi gasp

    @Laura W: 1:25 is quite a while ago. Maybe some nekkid furmination red pepper grillin’ peet’s slurpin’? Who knows what goes on at that place. Poor Tunch, no wonder he eats so much pie.

  93. 93.

    Bubba Dave

    I decided to combine some housecleaning with personal hygiene, stripped naked to mop the bathroom and mopped my way into the tub,

    You can take the Cole out of the Republican party…

  94. 94.

    pseudonymous in nc

    Even though I live in the Carolinas, fuck the Hurricanes. (My wife spent some time in Hartford, which is where they belong.)

    I had a great convo once on a flight to Montreal with a namesake who was very much a Person from Massachusetts, en route to an annual reunion hockey game.

    Much of what they grow in Jumilla is garnacha, so you can take my advice AND stick with what you know.

    The stuff coming out of Catalunya right now is really interesting. Consider it an extension of French Roussillon, or look continuities from those slightly odd Pyreneean French wines into something that’s distinctly Spanish.

    Garnacha/grenache takes on really different characteristics according to climate. The old vine garnachas, especially the ones being revived by smart winemakers in Spain, are quite different from the berry blinders of Australia, even though some of those are absolute treats.

    @Laura W: I have come to the basic conclusion “american wines” = bad. European, australian, new zeland wines = good.

    You’re missing out. NC is not necessarily great territory for the smaller, smarter producers out on the left coast, but there are still good importers in-state (many of them out west) who know their stuff and bring in really excellent wine.

  96. 96.

    Andy K

    I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the Red Wings- barring a major injury to Nick Lidstrom- are not only going to win the Cup again this year, but next year as well.

    This team reminds me of les Habs of the late ’70’s who won four straight Cups, the differences being that the Wings don’t have a single prolific scorer like Guy LaFleur, but are arguably a line deeper. Like that Montreal team, the Wings are an incredibly balanced, skilled puck-handling team that doesn’t take penalties, and they aren’t easily physically intimidated. There aren’t any jerks on the team like, say, Claude Lemieux, either, unless you count Old Man Chelios, who probably won’t see any more ice time. The Swedes may be stoic, but it’s hard to hate that, isn’t it?

  97. 97.

    Brick Oven Bill

    Nipples naked against the high desert canopy of stars Baby. In my judgment, I cannot lactate for the same reason I find myself in the construction industry.

  99. 99.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Brick Oven Bill: Gah!

    @wasabi gasp: Double gah following B.O.B.’s post!

    John, are you ok? The incident sounded amusing, but it couldn’t have been fun. I hope you have someone to check up on you periodically.

    Go Wild! Ok, ok, I’m late to the hockey convo. Sue me. As for the Bill Clinton story, if he called Sarah Palin, it was for only one reason.

  102. 102.

    boomshanka

    It’s late and I should be sleeping but this apology by Andrew Breitbart is just too damn funny.

    He gets photographed flipping off anti-war protesters in Santa Monica, then learns that they were actually protesting child slavery and genocide by the LRA in Northern Uganda.

    Priceless.

  103. 103.

    Andy K

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Go Wild!

    Do the Wild sell out more often than the North Stars did? Because it used to be very easy to get tickets to North Stars games- much easier than getting Blackhawks or Wings tickets. I would have made the trip from the Lower Peninsula more often (for Wings-North Stars games) if it wasn’t so time consuming.

  104. 104.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Steeplejack: And me! It’s because we’re the late-night posters. Hi fake admirer!

    @wasabi gasp: Yes, I am. Man, you crack me the fuck up.

    @boomshanka: Yes, and he doesn’t actually apologize. Nice.

    @Andy K: I think they are pretty much sold out. I don’t go to see games because i hate crowds, noises, and stupid people. Plus, I am against using public money for stadiums.

    That said, the Wild! are damn popular.

  106. 106.

    JGabriel

    Brick Oven Bill:

    Nipples naked against the high desert canopy of stars…

    BOB, please stop licking the frogs. It’s really very bad for you, and may also explain your affinity for Glenn Beck fan clubs.

    .

  109. 109.

    pdbuttons

    the hanson brothers
    called dick cheney for advice…
    … ice skates? they do slice!

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