Lots and lots of silly at the NRO today, but this from Peter Kirsanow stands out:
It would be interesting to see the results of a more finely calibrated poll, one that compares how well-respected, competent, and effective the subject is perceived to be relative to similarly situated individuals. As a friend succinctly puts it, “When that big asteroid finally heads toward Earth, who’s the person you’d most want to be in charge?” I suspect Cheney would score at or near the top.
For folks who seem to gain all their national security beliefs from episodes of 24
Sorry, Peter.
Ash
I remember when Deep Impact and Armageddon came out of the same time. I love them both, for different reasons.
And yes, I do know that I have bad taste in movies, thankyouverymuch.
Andre
If a giant asteroid is found to be heading straight for Earth, my first thought will be, “I bet Cheney tortured someone to make this happen.”
Hamilton-Lovecraft
Whereas, if the threat consists merely of simultaneous global financial crisis, global climate crisis, and global struggle against violent extremism, Obama’s good enough for us?
Dave Ruddell
John, I don’t think Hoyay! means what you think it means; or, if it does, I’m not sure how this counts.
jamfan
Not to mention that the only really competent president depicted on 24 itself was the black Democrat. Their Republicans have been either evil or boobs or both.
John Cole
@Dave Ruddell: If you don’t get the man love for Cheney in that NRO post, I’m not sure what you need. It was oozing Hoyay.
joe from Lowell
Ooh, can I write about what my gut tells me a theoretical poll would say, too?
JGabriel
Only if the top is where the asteroid is going to land.
.
jon
Not to steal a snark, but if an asteroid was headed to earth, Cheney would be trying to figure out the “Vice President to female ratio” for the mine shaft.
Dave Ruddell
Enh, I suppose John, but it’s not like the Hoyay! one might find on Lost, or BSG, or Scrubs…
(OK, the last one is a bit of lampshade hanging, but still)
demkat620
I thought after this election Dick would go away. Why is he still on my tv?
Wilson Heath
If Cheney were in charge and the asteroid were coming, I would trust him to shoot me in the face and take whatever supplies I had on hand. No dice.
Short Bus Bully
What exactly does Peter think that Cheney would do? Go find Bruce Willis? Torture some more muslims?
Get the fuck out of here, that has to be some of the dumbest wingnut I have ever heard. Christ on a cracker, read a little about Cheney’s over-reaction in the immediate aftermath of 9/11 (no I’m not going to link it, I’m too lazy) and you’ll see that he’s one of the last fucking people you’d want in charge of anything when the shit hits the fan.
ihop
If’n my woman (fantasy or real) needs someone just before an asteroid/deus ex crapina ends my happy term on this sphere then i hope she is looking at a fantasy far beyond what i can deliver, not some pooptastically un-indicted war criminal as chancellor dick.
John Cole
@Dave Ruddell: I see your point, but when I read that the first thing I thought was “Christ, get a room.” I can see what you mean, though.
anonevent
Actually, the movies went with God; we’ll have to settle for Obama.
JGabriel
@Wilson Heath:
Ooh, cool game.
If Cheney were in charge and the asteroid were coming … he’d hide in a bunker for 7 years, then come out and bitch about the people trying to deflect it.
.
Tonal Crow
Yeah, at or near the top of the batshit-insane denialist crowd, where he would doubtless spend his time telling us how liberals are “destroying free enterprise” by pushing “junk science” for which “there is no consensus” — and delaying action until it’s too late.
NRO desperately need to go f*ck themselves.
John Cole
This is OT, but is there a growing movement away from high fructose corn syrup? I was just at Walgreens and they have a bunch of drinks that say made with real sugar, and I saw a Snapple add touting that their drinks were made with sugar. Is this movement picking up speed?
Dennis-SGMM
“A finely calibrated poll, one that weeded out the hoi polloi, the riff-raff, the levellers, the mobility and the counter jumpers….one that compares well-respected, competent, and effective the subject is perceived to be relative to similarly situated individuals.”
In other words, compared to other fat, white megalomaniacs who drove the country into the ditch, Cheney is definitely teh cool.
Kirsanow has butt-a-trophic lips all right. It’s just that his targeting is a few years off.
Mean Gene
If an asteroid was headed for Earth and Cheney was President he’d order the Air Force to blow up the Moon.
Wilson Heath
@JGabriel:
You’re right — this is a cool game. Let me try again:
If Cheney were in charge and the asteroid were coming, he’d torture some poor S.O.B. picked up off the street on the other side of the world until he had enough “intelligence” to tell him that it was Syria’s fault and invade.
malraux
arguably, an immoral, do whatever it takes, some sacrifices must be made sort of person like cheney would apply to a War of the worlds or Independence Day situation. But even then…. cheney would willingly sacrifice a coastal state or two to get an advantage in the next election.
southpaw
This is OT, but is there a growing movement away from high fructose corn syrup? I was just at Walgreens and they have a bunch of drinks that say made with real sugar, and I saw a Snapple add touting that their drinks were made with sugar. Is this movement picking up speed?
Dude. This is your blog! Do another post.
Also . . .
It seems only fair to point out that when the space aliens come to kill us all (Independence Day, e.g.), we do tend to go with the white dudes.
Svensker
Re: corn syrup — it is Out, and sugar is In.
Re: Cheney and NRO — WTF? Their whole page is filled with articles about how Manly and Serious Cheney is and what a lightweight Obama is. These people really need to be put in a gunny sack with a big rock and dropped into a swift, deep river.
Comrade Kevin
Morgan Freeman is awesome, both on and off the screen.
gnomedad
Yeah, Obama and the Dems would be all worried about the asteroid’s rights.
Dennis-SGMM
Am I the only one who thinks that Cheney is running for the Republican nomination in 2012?
CapMidnight
Cheney would refuse to negotiate with the asteroid, then meet the threat head-on by filing for his sixth military deferment.
Laura W
@John Cole: John, stop putting all that artificial shit in your holy body temple.
Stevia.
My Stevia of choice:
http://www.vitacost.com/Stevita-Stevita-Spoonable
Cain
@John Cole:
I think so. Pepsi seems to have put out some drinks like Mountain Dew and regular Pepsi with sugar (throwback or something like that?) I haven’t seen it but I heard about it. I think places like Costco have been making good money with “Mexican coke” and I think soda pop people are testing the waters again.
I say thank god.
cain
linda
oh, SNAP! ….. lololol
YellowJournalism
If the asteroid hit and we all became soulless, blood-thirsty zombies, at least Cheney would feel right at home.
Maurs
I’m sorry but what does this sentence even mean? Seriously… Cheney is soo tough he is gonna face down a freakin’ asteroid??? Uhhhh, pardon me but either we have a plan in place for such a scenario or not. DICK is not gonna save us all from utter devastation just because you think…ummm…CHRIST what do you think exactly?? I CANNOT wrap my brain around this kind of thought process. I am aware that people on the Right think our lives play out in a “24” episode but COME ON this latest nonsense is jaw droppingly stupid even for Republicans…or not. I can only imagine how wearying it must be to live your life in a constant delusional state forever weaving more and more complex fantasies to justify your asinine positions and outlook on the real world. I am exhausted just trying to keep up with the CRAZY.
El Cid
Most want to be in charge of what?
Old Gringo
I only use raw turbinado cane sugar and a liquid sweetener made from the Blue Agave plant, both of which I can obtain at my local Trader Joe’s, the poorman’s Whole Foods.
Some people are using Stevia these days.
gnomedad
@southpaw:
Nice catch; I missed the significance of Cole apologizing for going OT on his own blog. He must have hit his head harder than he realized.
Elie
It doesnt matter what Cheney did, or what he does now. Its over — over. Just the last dregs of the old order. He and his world are old news…
As a nurse I used to watch people in their death throes — going hard — restless, without peace, in pain without relief but who could not let go and pass to the next phase..
That is what I see when I look at and hear him — death, corruption and fear of letting go – envy for the living and the future…
Svensker
@Maurs:
He will give the asteroid a little dunk in the water — it’s a no brainer, after all — and it will be so skeered it will veer off into space and go attack a planet full of liberals.
Lyle4
Realistically though, if Cheney were in charge the entire time, NASA would probably be defunct, and every astrophysicist in the country would have been bullied into figuring out the best way to torture someone hanging upside down without killing them. And we’d have NO fucking clue how to stop the asteroid.
Laura W
@Old Gringo: You’re scaring me. I mean, how many people here would link to Stevia on Wiki?
Pretzel Logic.
Tsulagi
Starbursts! This side of the NRO aisle could have just used material from one of their own…
Mnemosyne
@John Cole:
If there wasn’t, the goddamned HFCS lobby wouldn’t be running commercials on my TV 24/7 telling me that HFCS is fine “in moderation.” Since you guys keep putting it in every goddamned thing I eat from breakfast until bedtime snack, I’m not getting it in moderation.
Ahem. I really hate those commercials.
Hob
The best thing about Deep Impact was that they allowed that a horrible disaster can happen and sometime there’s nothing you can do. The worst doesn’t quite happen, but it’s bad enough. And when their plans have failed, the President goes on TV and basically tells everyone as simple and kindly as possible, “Well, we tried, but it looks like we really are fucked and it’s all over.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like that speech either in a movie or in actual politics.
Old Gringo
From wiki, a possible explanation of the move away from HFCS:
“Agave syrup consists primarily of fructose and glucose. One source[4] gives 92% fructose and 8% glucose; another[5] gives 56% fructose and 20% glucose. These differences presumably reflect variation from one vendor of agave syrup to another. Due to its fructose content and the fact that the glycemic index only measures glucose levels, agave syrup is notable in that its glycemic index and glycemic load are lower than many other natural sweeteners on the market. [6].
However, the extremely high percentage of fructose (higher than that of high-fructose corn syrup) can be deleterious and can trigger fructose malabsorption, metabolic syndrome[7], hypertriglyceridemia, decreased glucose tolerance, hyperinsulinemia, and accelerated uric acid formation.[8][9][10] Low-carb diet advocate Dr. Michael Eades M.D. advises to “avoid it [Agave syrup] like death”.[11]
Some criticism [12] has targeted agave syrup. In the late 1990s, the agave syrup on the market contained 90% thermally or chemically hydrolyzed fructose, the salmiana variety syrup on the market today is still primarily fructose, but is enzymatically hydrolyzed using a black mold enzyme.”
My nutritionist tells me to stick with the real thing, Turbinado. I only use the Blue Agave sweetener in my Absinthe.
Warren Terra
Indeed, the President in Deep Impact was Black, but according to IMDB the President in Armageddon was portrayed by one Stanley Anderson, who looks to be a White Guy.
So, it would appear that if a big asteroid is heading for the Earth you want, on average, a mixed-race guy who’s half Black Guy, half White Guy – so I guess that we’re as well prepared as we’ve ever been …
Hob
@El Cid: Most want to be in charge of what?
Of the asteroid. I agree, as long as he rides it down like the end of Dr. Strangelove. It’d be one thing he wouldn’t actually be able to make any worse.
ibid
So people will be okay with President Cheney just as soon as the world is about to be destroyed by a giant asteroid. Sounds about right.
And really, if a giant asteroid is hurtling toward the earth, does it really matter who the president is? I think they’ve started to interpret this “kept the country safe” line a little too broadly. Asteroids, terrorist attacks — it’s all under the same category.
JGabriel
Maurs:
Of course. Few people realize this, but the real reason Cheney took five draft deferments is because he just knew it would be wrong and unfair for him to face down the Vietcong and scare’em all into their hidey-holes!
But he threw out all that goody-goody, fair fight, noblesse oblige shit after 9/11 – cause it’s a post 9/11 world, doncha know?
So Dick’s gonna face down that freakin’ asteroid and scare it off with his serious manly strength and courage and torture-lovin’ ways. Cause it takes courage to tie a man to a table and pour water up his nose. You just watch and see.
.
Litlebritdifrnt
I have to steal from a wonkette commenter here. “cheney would nuke venus and then make a link between venus and the asteroid by bad intelligence”
That is all.
jon
@John Cole: Pepsi has a real sugar soda now also. So, yeah.
Old Gringo
@Laura W
Donald looks so young there.
I use the sugar because that makes my nutritionist happy. She thinks substitutes are generally not the way to go, especially if you’re are pre-diabetic, which most Americans are. But I’ve cut way back on the intake. I had a rather high (7.5) A1C and started monitoring my blood glucose. I was down to 6.4 in my last A1C. Keep the doctors happy, that’s my motto. It’s better than an apple a day. Too much fructose in the apples.
SpotWeld
Cheney?
I think I would want the guy *less* likely to close his eyes and pray until it’s better. (Which I think was his usual method for dealing with Bush).
But as long as we’re playing “let’s pretend” I want Superman in charge (Edging out Batman because Superman cac Fly!)
RSA
I don’t get it. Unless maybe there are foreign prisoners in Guatanamo who know how to save the Earth but refuse to tell us. If so, okay…
Maurs
Come On People…FOCUS here. We are discussing just “How big a DICK DICK actually is” not “How much of a sugar high will I get from drinking this or that soda”!! Sheesh…here’s my advice…DRINK WATER!!
Old Gringo
Good advice. I drink lots of water after I run it through the coffee grounds.
BruceFromOhio
Jiminy, they can’t even get their fiction right.
Make shit up, be wrong about it anyway, get paid – how do I get in on that gig?
Laura W
@Old Gringo:
Wow. I’m gonna have to re-read and re-visit this in the morning when I’m fresh and rested but how on EARTH can a nutritionist suggest you use SUGAR as a pre-diabetic in preference to Stevia?
The mind boggles.
Jay Severin Has A Small Pen1s
I’d agree unless the asteroid was headed towards New Orleans or Iraq.
Then all bets are off.
asiangrrlMN
@jon: Ew. Just, ew. During the, er, height of the W. presidency, my best friend and I came up with a brilliant plan to get him impeached. We would blow him and other Republicans in power (including the missus), because that seemed to be the only way to get impeached in the US these days. Anyway, we divvied up the administration, and the only one we both refused to do was Cheney. The NRO can have him. Why yes, we were drinking. Why do you ask?
The only thing I would want Cheney for in the aforementioned scenario is to toss in the path of the asteroid.
r€nato
Which is more irritating… Dick Cheney on my teevee all the time or Sarah Palin on my teevee all the time?
And whose continued refusal to go the fuck away is best for Democrats???
Jon
@Maurs: Or, how about what Dick authorized for waterboarding: fructose syrup or real sugar?
@Old Gringo: I worked at starbucks one summer, never drank coffee again.
dmsilev
Dick Cheney would definitely be the wrong person to face the Asteroid Threat. He’d try to waterboard it into making some false confession, and as we well know, in space nobody can hear you scream. Thus, a waste of time.
-dms
noncarborundum
Fixt.
Jon
@asiangrrlMN: It was a Dr. Strangelove joke lol. And God only knows what fetishes lurk in the loins of Richard B. Cheney: maybe something as depraved as an alaskan dragon?
WereBear
I must say, when the news about Chemey’s true behavior on 9/11 hit, I realized they didn’t want to disclose his location because he was probably a was of sobbing jelly.
Strange indeed the things which comfort them…
WereBear
“wad of sobbing jelly”
On iPod touch, which does not let me edit. On most counts it is the kind of thing a geek falls in love with.
Old Gringo
@Laura W
It’s a fair question but I’m still at the point where I comprehend it but have difficulty explaining it as succinctly as my nutritionist does.
Suffice it to say that the body needs the sugar as fuel but as we age, the fuel system gets out of whack and the fuel mixture is not right. What many people do not realize that the real culprit isn’t the sugar so much, it’s the carbs. The body turns them into sugar. I eat pretty much whatever I like but in smaller portions with two servings of proteins to one carb, as opposed to one protein and two carbs, like most people.
Delia
@Laura W:
I think the theory is that you’re developing a taste for sweets, even if you’re not actually imbibing the sugar, although I’m not sure.
BTW, if you have access to a Trader Joe, that’s the cheapest place to buy stevia. If you’ve never tried it, it’s way sweeter than sugar and has a somewhat harsher flavor. But I like it a lot better than any of the artificial sweeteners.
AhabTRuler
@asiangrrlMN: As much as one salutes your determination and willingness to sacrifice for the good of the nation, I fear that there is one thing that you did not take into account: IOKIYAR.
Hob
@asiangrrlMN: You weren’t the only one with a plan like that. Maybe if we’d all tried to do it, there would’ve been a chance.
Old Gringo
@Laura W
My nutritionist is French/Iranian and she may be influenced by this, from Wiki:
“Although unresolved questions remain concerning whether metabolic processes can produce a mutagen from stevia in animals, let alone in humans, the early studies nevertheless prompted the European Commission in 1999 to ban stevia’s use in food in the European Union pending further research.[24] Singapore and Hong Kong have banned it also.[25] However, more recent data compiled in the safety evaluation released by the World Health Organization in 2006[47] suggest that these policies may be obsolete.
In December 2008, the FDA gave a “no objection” approval for GRAS status to Truvia (developed by Cargill and The Coca-Cola Company) and PureVia (developed by PepsiCo and the Whole Earth Sweetener Company, a subsidiary of Merisant), both of which are wholly-derived from the Stevia plant…”
I’m going to try it anyway. I’m just a lab rat and it sounds like it might be good in my absinthe.
Notorious P.A.T.
Why the hell would I want Dick Cheney in charge if an asteroid were heading toward Earth? He would probably insist we blow up Mercury instead then disappear into an undisclosed location for the rest of human history.
Martin
Yes. Hansens changed all of their sodas over to sugar starting about a year ago. Apparently the collision of ethanol with high fructose corn syrup has change the economics of sweeteners, along with a shift in public perception. The sugar Hansens taste significantly better.
Mousebumples
Best reaction I’ve seen (or, well, the one I most agree with) came from a reader submission at Sully’s blog:
And so far as the Hoyay! goes, I’ve found that CW (formerly WB) shows tend to be really good at bringing that sort of thing to the TV. Generally because the men on those shows tend to be unbelievably hot. Of course, one of my favorite shows centers on two brothers … and yes, there is a significant portion of the fanbase that finds the hoyay! in even that.
YellowJournalism
Some of the fanfic for that particular show just goes way beyond disturbing…And, yes, the brothers are totally hot, but I tend to go with the one with the better taste in cars and music.
AlanDownunder
I’m sure Cheney could torture some astronomers to correct themselves and guarantee that the asteroid was going to pass by.
Then we could all feel safe again.
asiangrrlMN
@AhabTRuler: Well, I had been drinking. That’s my excuse.
@Hob: That’s spectacular. Yes, it could have been a community-wide effort. Still, I can’t figure out who would do Cheney. There would have to be a hefty payoff included.
Comrade Luke
OK, I try to be civil online, but I’ve been biting my tongue on this for two days now and I can’t take it anymore. Please bear with me as I unload, moderation be damned.
I’m sick of this Republican toughness bullshit. These guys, every last one of them, are bullies. Everyone – and I mean EVERYONE – knows how to deal with bullies: when they start to bully you, you stand up to them, and if they persist you punch them in the fucking face, at which point their eyes will bug out of their head and they’ll run home to mommy.
You know what would happen if there was an asteroid and Cheney was in charge? He’d shit his pants. I have no doubt about that. He’s a coward, like every last one of them. They bully because they are profoundly insecure, and their actions regarding national security having nothing to do with toughness – they’re paranoid and scared shitless. If you snuck behind them and said boo they’d be hanging from the ceiling from their claws like Sylvester the cat.
It’s just so obvious, and the fact that the Dems just sit there and take it is infuriating.
Thanks for bearing with me. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
cj
I think Cheney would either shoot the nukes at the Middle East to destroy them first before the asteroid hits the United States, or shoot the nukes at the Middle East and if by some chance the US survives cover up his crime by blaming the asteroid for the destruction of the Middle East.
Just taking a guess.
asiangrrlMN
@Comrade Luke: Wow. That was pretty damn impressive. I am glad you finally let loose.
rachel
@Dave Ruddell: It’a hoyay like this.
Gravenstone
@Comrade Luke:
That’s just it. Dick Cheney is a coward. And he wants everyone else to be just as cowardly as he is. Otherwise, his self loathing would simply eat him alive.
Shalimar
Why would I want Cheney in charge? So he could torture the scientists who told him about the asteroid until they finally admitted that it was really going to miss? And then he could keep it secret from everyone until we were all dead? I don’t see his normal methods working too well in that particular situation.
Napoleon
Good old Peter Krisanow. He is just jealous that Obama is the most famous mixed race person in America and not Peter (heck, Halle Berry, another Clevelander, is likely second).
I am an attorney in the Cleveland Ohio area, as is Peter, and when Peter returned from his stint in Bush’s Washington to Cleveland (he was a recess appointment to some board because the Senate refused to approve him) his firm ran an ad in the local Bar Association with his picture (he has a ridiculous handlebar mustache). Well some attorneys turned it into a photo shopped gag ad with him that circulated among attorneys sub rosa.
I hope Peter is reading this.
Jamey
I sorta agree with the Corner: If a giant asteroid were heading for Earth, I’d want Cheney to be the first one there to greet it.
Napoleon
@Jamey:
Better yet, since we would rather fight the asteroids “over there” then “over here”, lets send Cheney on a rocket bound for the area between Mars and Jupiter to take the fight to the asteroids.
jshubbub
I was equally incredulous when I read that little snippet from NRO yesterday. I mean, are we to believe that asteroids are somehow intimidated by Dick Cheney? What, precisely, would be the advantage of having him in charge under those conditions? You can’t torture an asteroid into confessing a link between al-Quaida and Iraq so what use would Cheney be to us?
The Republic of Stupidity
Oh come on… isn’t it obvious?
Cheney’d tank up on a few beers then shoot the asteroid in the face w/ his shotgun.
Seriously… Scalia thinks Jack Bauer saved LA from a nuclear attack… and now this?
Have righties abandoned “reality” completely?
Stefan
It would be interesting to see the results of a more finely calibrated poll, one that compares how well-respected, competent, and effective the subject is perceived to be relative to similarly situated individuals. As a friend succinctly puts it, “When that big asteroid finally heads toward Earth, who’s the person you’d most want to be in charge?” I suspect Cheney would score at or near the top.
Yeah. Because he’d invade Jupiter.
valdivia
a little late to this party but–the manlove thing with the conservative crowd is all rooted in this.
Remember too that boy Kristol was Mansfield’s pet at Harvard and that is all you need to know…..
RememberNovember
Cheney would by hiding his carbuncled ass in an undisclosed location.
Comrade Darkness
@Old Gringo, what you said.
We’ve shifted to smaller and smaller portions of carbs and meat and brought in mass piles of vege-ables. A week of this sure gets the body on track (in many ways) and we’ve lost almost 10 pounds each about 1/4 lb a week.
Sugars are evil. My bad moods and energy crashes were entirely caused by them. Yes, some are more evil than others. White cane or sugar beet sugar being not nearly as terrible as say, honey, which for some reason is preferred by DFH nutritionists. gah. I AM a DFH, but those people scare me.
RememberNovember
@valdivia:
when I think of manliness I don’t think of Bill Kristol or Rush Limbaugh. Two wannabe “manly” men.
like fanboys. Probably couldn’t even swing a hammer or spin a wrench.
BombIranForChrist
If his reaction to serving in Vietnam is any indication, Cheney would tuck his tail between his legs and run. He’s a coward through and through.
David Atkins
Cheney? Are you kidding me?
The man would run to an undisclosed location, crap his pants, then order the entire nuclear arsenal fired at the thing rather than come up with a good plan, thereby ensuring earth’s destruction.
ANYBODY but Cheney. The NRO truly lives in their own deluded fanstyworld.
HyperIon
@John Cole: yes. several sodas are now advertising sugar.