Speaking of kooky wingnut attacks on Nancy Pelosi, Mike Huckabee has written a poem of sorts:
Here’s a story about a lady named Nancy
A ruthless politician, but dressed very fancy
Very ambitious, she got herself elected Speaker
But as for keeping secrets, she proved quite a “leaker.”
Jim Kakalios
How is she a “leaker”? I thought the complaint about Nancy Pelosi was that she was told about the torture techniques and did NOT publicly complain.
You keep using that word “leaker.” I do not think it means what you think it means.
I think the frustration that none of the Right’s complaints are sticking is getting to them.
Brick Oven Bill
There once was a man who was groomed;
Through the teleprompter, the masses they swooned;
And when his usefulness was through;
He looked up at a shoe;
And the Bankers released the Columbia records.
Balconesfault
I was thinking the same thing. Nancy got into this, for what it’s worth, by not going public when she was informed. I know that the right wingers would have loved to have savaged her for that, but they don’t get to, so they have to savage her for something.
wilfred
There once was a guy surnamed Huckabee
Who never stopped saying Oh, lucky me!
When asked to explain
He chose to refrain
And instead tried his hand at wingnuttery
His job is a lot like a spelling bee
He spews out some sounds
Ignores all the frowns
and sits down ‘cause his name rhymes so well with oh, Fuck me.
JimPortlandOR
The GOP is now reduced to elementary school playground taunts (of the “your mother is” variety) that make no sense to those who don’t drink from the Limbaugh/Gingrich/Cheney/Boehner/Cantor punchbowl. What they don’t notice is that W wizzed in that punchbowl for eight years, and Cheney’s lincoln-log output floats on the surface. It is not tasty and it is not a pretty sight.
AkaDad
Here’s a story about a man named Huckabee
Who may have had a frontal lobotomy
He ran for President but couldn’t get elected
Now he’s jealous because he got rejected
blogenfreude
Presidential bid
failed, evolution derailed
dangerous wingnut.
Notorious P.A.T.
That’s what I was thinking, too. It’s almost as stupid as criticizing a politician for using a teleprompter.
John Cole
@JimPortlandOR: DougJ wrote about that here. There taunts and memes make no sense to those outside the cult.
Bill H
He needs to stick to politics, as poetry is not his thing. Oh, wait.
wilfred
There once was a preacher from Arkansas
Whose wit was as homey as cole slaw
With plenty of mayo
He implied her a ‘ho
And got rhymed in turn with a chainsaw
maya
In his bid for POTUS Mike did lose,
“Some say” his campaign was a snooze,
But he did not have to fall on his sword,
Cause Rupert provideth him free room and board,
In the Old Republican Home at Fox News.
Countervail
Clarihew and limericks he thinks
Are interchangeable, just use different inks.
A-A-B-B-A
from that you can’t stray
As a poet, Pastor Mike really stinks.
Balconespolitics
A politician from the south
Kept placing foot deeply in mouth
He made up rhymes to dis his foes
Wolverines!
Bill E Pilgrim
They’re heading into the Far Side. All they hear is:
“Blah blah blah PELOSI, blah blah blah CIA blah blah blah SOCIALISM blah blah blah blah….”
Then they just take the words they understood, and assemble them into the next “attack”.
Dennis-SGMM
There once was a pol from Arkansas,
Who happened to be his own grandpa,
“When I rhyme it’s not libel,
’cause I carry a Bible,
And where I come from that trumps the law.”
Old Gringo
OT
Interesting absract from a Law Review article. Preventive detentions have been all the rage since the 90s when it comes to violent sexual predators, and SCOTUS has upheld. As Wiki notes: “Some U.S. states have a special status for criminals designated as sexually violent predators, which allows these offenders to be held in prison after their sentence is complete if they are considered to be a risk to the public.”
Some states hold them indefinitely.
And a change up pitch: Gavin Kennedy’s interesting article in the Journal of The American Institute of Economic Research, May 2009:
joe from Lowell
Little Rock…Little Rock…
Can anyone think of a rhyme for “Little Rock?”
passerby
Hokie
Preacher
Speaker
Freaker
In Jay-sus’ name
Dennis-SGMM
@joe from Lowell:
Little sock?
Little knock?
Little krock?
Little smock?
Gosh, I know there’s a really good one, I just can’t remember it. Whatever it is, it’s right on the tip of Huckabee’s tongue.
Old Gringo
There once was a man from Little Rock
Who took a long walk off a short dock
Splash! Glub Glub.
I don’t do limericks.
wilfred
Oh, hell:
There once was a preacher from Little Rock
who was down on the people who sucked cock
he reckoned it wrong
to honk on the shlong
and instead polished his in a tube sock
Balconespolitics
@joe from Lowell:
So THAT’s why they’re all unnerved by the tall handsome black dude?
Lock up yer wimmen!
Old Gringo
And therein lies his fascination with the subject.
I think Huck is actually Lindsey’s Huckleberry.
The Grand Panjandrum
Actually Mike Huckabee is the less famous guy from Hope. The other guy actually got his party’s nomination, then got himself elected to the White House. Twice. Hey, at least Mike doesn’t believe in all the silly evolution stuff! So there.
wilfred
Ok:
There once was a preacher from Hope
Whose name became kind of a trope
for stupid lame rhymes
and poetical crimes
that revealed him no leSs than a Nope
ksmiami
Hat/Tip to William Carlos Williams:
Sorry about the sour grapes
you left on the table. They
looked so delicious that I ate
them for breakfast
Notorious P.A.T.
LOL you guys )
Punchy
Here comes a clown named Mike
A foul man few people like
He says shit about the chick
Proving he’s a dick
Not long before he slanders her a k#ke
Adam
Wtf is up w/ that poem? It wants to be a limerick but isn’t. Then I was thinking it was a takeoff of the Brady Bunch theme, but no. Maddening.
Dennis-SGMM
There once was a southern fried creep,
Who wanted at least to be Veep,
Despite all his wailin’ the party chose Palin,
And Mike had to go back to sheep.
dr. bloor
@ksmiami:
Sublime.
noncarborundum
@Bill H:
I suspect the only thing he’s truly fitted for is being the late-night TV pitchman for the Ronco Squirrel-O-Matic™.
Bob In Pacifica
I have a relative who thinks that “socialist” and “fascist” are synonyms. It’s hard to argue with people when the meaning of words dissolves while sitting in front of a TV showing Fox News for a couple of hours.
Bob In Pacifica
In RepubliWorld you can be both a “leaker” and not tell. How? By being a “ruthless” politician/woman and an “ambitious” politician/woman.
Any man who runs for President and accuses a woman of being ambitious is telling us more about himself and his misogyny than he probably can grasp or understand.
scott
The day winds down tick-tock, tick-tock
Hurry I must to Mike-mock, Mike-mock
Don’t catch him on tape
When he denies he’s an ape
Cause twenty twelve still smells like a lock
r€nato
I’m rather concerned about this Republican dumbfuckery. We can’t count on them forever being this ham-handed and clueless… or can we?
anyway, let’s enjoy the schadenfreude, but don’t get too used to it…
zirconium
The Pam Anderson ad is still there, she of the melon-sized breasts. I hadn’t notice the “arm” or whatever that is in the lower part of the photo until it was pointed out. It’s very strange, whatever it is. It’s possible that it could be her right leg and no one knew until now that it was a just shrunken appendage. I have other theories as to what it is, some kinky, though I doubt anyone here wants to hear them. I don’t want to offend anyone. After all, the typical commenter on this site is very serious, mature and quite rational.
Terri
There once was a man named BOB
Who filtered his thoughts through his knob
Stupid shit he did post
Though not a stupid as most
Of the ones who channel Hoover’s ghost.
Krista
Oh wingnuts, ye foolish, ye few
Your tactics, they’re wearing so thin
The public has rejected you
You’ve taken it right on the chin
“We couldn’t have erred!” you all sneer
“Why won’t the public believe?
We spout all this crap about fear,
Our policies make you all grieve.”
“So what if we’ve tortured and maimed?
So what if these wars we have lost?
None of that should cause you woe
For “freedom” it’s simply the cost!”
“Ignore your job losses, my friend!
Ignore that you just lost your house!
The problem we REALLY must mend
Is some lesbian taking a spouse!”
So wingnuts, continue your poems
About secrets and teabags and it
Will simply do nothing but tell us
That you’ll always be so full of shit.
SrirachaHotSauce
There once was a preacher down south
With the whole right wing’s cock in his mouth
When they asked of the pastor
That he make them come faster
He said “I’m Thpeaker of the Houth!”
jrosen
B O Bill! He is a man
Who cannot rhyme, nor can he scan;
And sad to say, he’s one of those
Who makes no sense when writing prose.
What happened, then, to poor old Bill
To make him such a bitter pill?
A Foxy clone, his logic’s mush…
Perhaps he’s over-dosed on Rush?
Bill H
@jrosen:
rotflmao Win!
Dennis-SGMM
This is one of the best threads ever. I doff my hat to wilfred and to Krista. I just know that one of you miscreants will come up with something in iambic pentameter to further fuel my envy.
Common Sense
@SrirachaHotSauce:
sriracha is the nectar of the gods. I put it on everything now and use it in almost every recipe.
Jason F
There once was a serious political party called the GOP
But not any more.
gbear
There once was a man named Obama
Who inspired RNC psychodrama
They freaked and went crazy
They said “NO!” and got lazy
And turned into a huge wank-o-rama.
Comrade Darkness
Rock, Sheet Rock
Sorry, no open thread. Just discovered this about chinese drywall. Maybe this is old news, but now I’m thinking about every bloody home improvement project of the last 8 years and wondering where best to open the walls…
gbear
@Comrade Darkness:
I saw the drywall story a couple months ago. It really should be a bigger story. I wonder how many whole new neighborhoods are going to be rendered too toxic to inhabit? Can’t the Chinese make anything without putting poison in it? (disclaimer: I realize many US companies would be making toxic products if they could get away with it)
Sarcastro
Meter is, apparently, a vile liberal plot.
I think I’ll elide some syllables and just call it Moronic Septameter.
Mike in NC
Huckabee’s the loon who proudly said “I don’t believe in evolution, but I do believe in miracles”. He also made news for losing over 100 pounds of dangerous, ugly fat. Too bad about the stuff above his neck.
Dennis-SGMM
@Comrade Darkness:
So I Googled “Chinese drywall” and found:
Lets hear it for globalization!
SrirachaHotSauce
@Common Sense:
Make sure you get the real thing made by Huy Fong Foods in Rosemead, CA. Beware imitations.
Comrade Darkness
@gbear: (disclaimer: I realize many US companies would be making toxic products if they could get away with it)
Like peanut butter, for example.
Deregulation is bad for business AND consumers. THAT also should be a bigger story.
chopper
there once was a man named b.o. bill
from talked like a moron on drugs
blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah
my big black foot in yo’ ass.
chopper
there once was a man named mike huckabee
his statements would oft make me chucklebee
he can go lick my gooch
that dumb right-wing douche
if he died i would not give a fuck. abee.
Derek
Completely off topic: is there anything you can do to remove the absolutely horrid ad with Pamela Anderson? It is Not Safe for Anywhere. Every time I log into my favorite blog, I have to click it closed just in case the five year old boy comes wandering into the room to ask what Dad is reading.
Not to mention work.
Kathy in St. Louis
Old Huck, the ex- governor of Ark.
Though quite quick with the inane remarks,
Loves to talk about God,
Lost the GOP nod,
Now he’s just one more of Fox News’ sharks.
Egypt Steve
yeah, hw about this:
There once was a pervert named Huckabee
Who wondered just how one could fuck a bee.
But, though small, his love pole
Would fit no queen bee’s hole,
So he found it much simpler to suck her pee!
Michael
Speaking of kooky wingnuts, a bumfight is brewing and the shovels and broom handles are being passed about.
Apparently, (M)Ann Coulter tossed off a quip about how Alan Keyes managed to turn the Obama Notre Dame speech into a Keyes fundraiser.
Keyes retorted, and his longtime aide Tom Hoefling (a guy with a rumored 9 social security numbers) posted it up at the FReak…..
Let the fun commence.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2256940/posts
Comrade Darkness
@Derek: If you are using firefox you can use ad blocker plus.
Throw a few dollars in the tip jar, tho, since those ads is what pays the bills.
wasabi gasp
Maybe Huck’ll slap together a righteous bass line, some squirrelly dudes, and evolve into a band named the Nancy Boys.
omen
@Balconespolitics:
some words just crack me up.
this and falafel.
gocart mozart
I’d compose a poem about Huckabee but I can’t think of a word that rimes with Huck. Any suggestions?
jshubbub
Being that I am an Arkansan, it’s extraordinarily difficult for me to be surprised by anything Huckabee does or says. That said, really? Really? A fourth-grader could exhibit more cleverness than that “poem” he just inflicted on the world.
This man ran my state (embarrassingly) for a decade. He wants to be president. We must never, never let that happen.
tammanycall
Chopper wins the thread.
Huckabee fails poetry.
asiangrrlMN
I was gonna do a sestina, but I didn’t want to put that much thought into it. So, I will do a limerick:
There once was a man from Hope, Arkansas
Who spewed shit every time he opened his jaw
“Nancy Pelosi is a mean ol’ lady
Who can kick the crap out of me!”
Mike, it’s time to allow your brain to thaw.
Haiku:
Michael Huckabee
Talks shit about everything
Someone shut him up.
Rhyming couplets:
Mike Huckabee is a douchebag
Who has the gall to call Pelosi an old hag
He hates all teh gays
And wishes they would go away.
He puts his pen to paper
Exhibiting wit less than rapier.
He wants to be elected in 2012
I would rather see him in hell.
I love this thread.
Jim Kakalios
How about some haiku:
Interrogation
Interrogation, bitches!
Interrogation
Steeplejack
There once was a blog named Juice
Concerned with subjects obtuse
Pratchett and Palin,
Republicans failin’,
And waitin’ for Tunch to cut loose
bryan
ok, well first off it doesn’t seem especially wise of anyone named Huckabee to write a limerick, much less an attack limerick.
I can’t help but think everyone here is a little too tame, although now that I’m considering it, there is some difficulty making everything fit.
let’s see
There once was a jerk named Huckabee
who ran as a presidentin wannabe
he got on tv
and snickered with glee
shucks, my work is just jerkin
…not getting banned at this time…
jonp
Petulance! Goddess, sing the petulance of Limbaugh’s son Huckabee, annoying, irrelevant, that cost the Republicans countless losses, hurling down to Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location so many souls, great moderates’ souls, but made their votes carrion, feasts for the Democrats and independents, and the will of Reagan was moving towards its end.
(Admittedly, this would work better against someone more directly responsible for the current state of the Republican Party, but Huckabee represents that as well as most and he’s the one who wanted to bring the poetry.)