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68Comments

  2. 2.

    Will

    My wife and I went to the Mongolian pick-your-ingredients-and watch-the-chef-grill-them restaurant the other night. All I could think watching him was “when will we no longer live under the boot of Genghis Khan?”

  3. 3.

    TR

    I don’t want to suggest that LeBron James is a Hitler or that the Cleveland Cavaliers are Nazis, but they were overpowered by the Magic much like the villains at the end of “Raiders of the Lost Ark” were.

    Quod erat dipshit.

  4. 4.

    Tom65

    Hitler made the trains run on time, so DC’s Metro system is inherently fascist.

  7. 7.

    Some Guy

    Vegetables are fascistic. Hitler was a vegetarian, clearly indicating vegetables’ desire to be one with villainy.

    Oh, and liberals like vegetables more than conservatives, to they like Hitler.

  10. 10.

    Bill Belichick

    My entry: The NE Patriots beat the Cardinals like the rented mules they really are, unlike the Steelers who struggled mightily. Therefore Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III would kick the snot out of James Harrison, and Lindsey Graham would have Big Ben screaming ‘Uncle’ in a matter of milliseconds.

  12. 12.

    CitizenSane

    I have never seen either Hitler or Obama’s birth certificate. Coincidence? You tell me.

  14. 14.

    TR

    As we all know, Hitler’s autobiography was called “My Struggle.” Thus, when Snoop Doggy Dogg talks about how he is, and I quote, “strugggggglin'”, it is clearly an effort to show his sympathies with the tenets of National Socialism and a further sign that black people are the true fascists.

  15. 15.

    Some Guy

    Hitler was a big fan of uniforms, so people in uniforms are like Hitler (excepting those people in uniforms who are politically useful to Republicans when running for office – so I guess it really means nurses=Hitler, soldiers=anti-Hitler). Logic is hard.

  17. 17.

    SpotWeld

    I’m on the cupst of creating something really Goldbergian-grade stupid based on how Hitler was a fan of Henry Ford’s industrialization of auto manufacturing and the fact that Ford is the only company that Obama is not “nationalizaing”….

    …dammit, I need rum to do this.. really.

  21. 21.

    Craig

    Being not really smart enough for this, I was just going to post a picture of a CommieNazi but then when I looked up the term “CommieNazi” I found that NRO had already unironically beat me to it and my brain exploded and now my remaining synaptic nerves are typing this out without my active participation because I am fucking dead.

  22. 22.

    Punchy

    Hilter almost made a rocket, and Rikki Rockett played drums for Poison, therefore all engineers making poisonous rockets made of drums must hate Jews.

  23. 23.

    Face

    I sense this comment thread may win awards for hilarity.

    But since “hilarity” has all the letters need to misspell Hilter, clearly such a thread is facist trope.

  24. 24.

    R-Jud

    Hitler liked women, therefore anyone who is a heterosexual is… oooh, wait. Let me get back to you on that.

  28. 28.

    TR

    Much like the Germans, the Dallas Cowboys employ the blitz and are therefore, ispo facto, Nazis.

    Actually, I’m not sure I disagree with that one.

  29. 29.

    Bubblegum Tate

    Hitler was the commander of his country’s military. So is Obama. Q to the E to the muthafuckin’ D, Obama= Hitler.

  32. 32.

    Colette

    Fascist starts with the same letter as France. Jonah Goldberg eats (too many) French fries. Jonah Goldberg has France in his pants. Therefore, Jonah is a fascist.

    QED.

  33. 33.

    NutellaonToast

    The fact that super heroes do the opposite only furthers your point, as they are the only non-NAZIs left!

  34. 34.

    Matt

    “I’m not saying Obama is Hitler, or a Nazi and all of the rest, but Hitler liked ponies, Obama wants to give Sasha and Malia a pony. Its just sad how we’ve seen this all before.”

  35. 35.

    Chinn Romney

    Uncle Mitt has great hair. So does John Edwards. Therefore … Edwards must be a polygamist?

  36. 36.

    AhabTRuler

    Hitler spent his honeymoon in a ditch covered in petrol on fire, and you drive a car, powered by petrol.

    I think any reasonable people can agree on the obvious conclusion, you fucking Nazi!

  37. 37.

    Some Guy

    Were Hitler alive, he would surely find 30 Rock funny. From this we can deduce that Tina Fey WAS Eva Braun in her former life.

    @Maude: I think Fey owns a Braun coffee-maker, which just cinches it.

  38. 38.

    jrg

    Hitler used to paint landscapes. Therefore anyone who paints landscapes is a would-be mass murderer. Not surprisingly, canvases start out white before they are made “multicultural” by nazi artists. Coincidence? Or an egregious symbol of oppression?

    I’d like to add that Hitler could read. If there is better evidence that elementary school teachers are indoctrinating fascists, I’d like to hear it…

    Damn, this is tough. How do you mock someone who wrote (in all seriousness): “The white male is the jew of liberal facism”?

  40. 40.

    jrg

    Jonah Goldberg has France in his pants. Therefore, Jonah is a fascist.

    Awesome.

    Hitler was not morbidly obese, therefore Jonah Goldberg is a freedom fighter.

  41. 41.

    Tom Levenson

    @oh really: It is more dangerous than one mere computer. In juxtaposing those two words (I do not dare repeat them here) Tim has inadvertently placed matter and antimatter in such close contiguity that the fate of western Pennsylvania — nay of the world — hangs in the balance. Let “Golberg” and “logic” collide and we may end up in the worst case predicted here.

  43. 43.

    Calouste

    @Maude:

    Hitler’s girlfriend was Eva Braun. Braun means Brown. Brown University is in America. Therefore all Americans are Nazis.

  44. 44.

    Colette

    @jrg:

    How do you mock someone who wrote (in all seriousness): “The white male is the jew of liberal facism”?

    The Goldblogical beauty of this is that it works no matter how you parse it.

    The white jew is the male of liberal fascism.
    The male jew is the liberal of white fascism.
    The liberal is the white male of jew fascism.
    The jew liberal is the white male of fascism.
    Fascism is the white jew of the liberal male.

    See?

  45. 45.

    Irrelevant,YetPoignant

    Hitler used to paint landscapes. Therefore anyone who paints landscapes is a would-be mass murderer.

    There may be something to this one, actually.

  47. 47.

    Laura W

    So far today I’ve seen two commenters call Anne Laurie “Annie” and “Anne Marie”. Often it’s “Anne”.
    I think it’d be nice to take a couple minutes to learn her name.
    (I’m gonna start calling her AL since I’m lazy, so maybe I should shut up.)

  48. 48.

    NonWonderDog

    @Paul L.:

    Churchill liked pie, you know. And not that Ward guy. The other one, the British guy, he liked pies.

    And thus Paul L. reveals the insidious infiltration of pie-loving Hitler’s pie-loving minions into the British government!

    And even the pie filter is more lucid than Glenn Beck, who is running a new segment called “six degrees of ACORN.” In this powerful piece of investigatory journalism, people who Glenn Beck says are singlehandedly responsible for sabotaging the economy by giving mortgages to black people are connected to ACORN in six(teen) steps or less, thereby revealing ACORN’s liberal perfidy!

    So far, it’s been
    The Sandlers -> a cancelled SNL skit -> George Soros -> World Savings Bank -> Wachovia -> The Sandlers -> Project Vote -> ACORN! -> George Soros -> The Sandlers -> ProPublica -> ACORN “whistleblowers” -> ACORN AGAIN!

    I missed a few steps in there, because I was too busy laughing my ass off.

  49. 49.

    asiangrrlMN

    @jrg: Crap. We can’t have Goldberg win his own damn logic!

    By the way, I don’t wear underwear at all. What does that say about me? Anarchy!

    Hitler was a pompous fuckwad know-it-all, and Jonah Goldberg is a pompous fuckwad know-it-all, ergo…

  50. 50.

    BFR

    The autobahn was a Nazi creation.
    Eisenhower copied the idea and created the Interstate Highway system
    Nixon was Eisenhower’s VP
    Rumsfeld served under Nixon and GWB

    Therefore, GWB = Hitler.

  52. 52.

    Comrade Darkness

    @Some Guy: Hitler was a big fan of uniforms, so people in uniforms are like Hitler

    And this would be why uniforms that are not worn for official reasons are strictly illegal in Germany. Just thought I’d toss that out.

    Hm, speaking of fascism…

  53. 53.

    alhutch

    Jonah Goldberg = product of nepotism
    Bill Kristal = product of nepotism
    George W. Bush = product of nepotism

    Jesus Christ = product of nepotism

    Ergo…

  56. 56.

    Laura W

    @R-Jud: That was, by far, the best damn laugh of my day.
    And I thank you for that.
    Edit: Still laughing…

  57. 57.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @Paul L.

    Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, the president’s a n****r. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Cite a Charles Krauthammer article. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

    Sorry, but citing Charles Krauthammer, the neoconservative Dr. Strangelove, you have revealed yourself to be an idiot, because citing Krauthammer on anything is like citing Peter Sellers as Dr. Strangelove as an authority on defense strategy.

  58. 58.

    joe from Lowell

    I know Hitler/underwear joke. Ready?

    Hitler’s valet walks in on him in his bedroom, and finds him muttering in an official-sounding manner at a pile of underwear on his bed. The valet asks him what he’s doing.

    Hitler replies, “I’m promoting my unter-hosen to uber-hosen.”

  59. 59.

    TenguPhule

    Analyze the world through Goldberg logic

    WHY ARE THERE PURPLE SPIDERS RUNNING UNDER MY EYES?!!!

  60. 60.

    Cataphract

    I can’t do this idiot-logic exercise, but I have a legit question .

    Why would neocons be against the Nazis? One would think they would look up to them. The ideology and policies are largely similar.

    Brown people-untermenschen? Nuke’em back to the Stone Age!

    Don’t like our point of view? Our way or the highway (like our tanks on your highways invading your ass)!

    You’re either with us or against us (opening you up for direct intervention, like Yugoslavia circa 1941).

    It’s time to reshape he world in our image–by invading everything and everyone around us.

    Exploitation of those willing to be on your side (see Slovakia, Hungary, etc).

    So I don’t get the whole logic of calling the Obama administration fascists. If it was fascist wouldn’t you largely agree with what it was doing? I know, I know, it’s wingnut logic and all but I just. don’t.fucking. get.it. (head bursts, slumps onto laptop)

  61. 61.

    Some Guy

    @Cataphract: I think wingers use anaolgies to Hilter and Nazism like analogies to Sauron and Mordor. Its just a way of saying “really bad,” which of course, is really bad.

  62. 62.

    grumpy realist

    The “People’s car == Volkswagen therefore a DFH is a Nazi” is a trope I’ve seen far too many wingnuts use, sadly….

    Ah, the hell with it. Arm each wingnut with an assault rifle and drop them all into Somalia. I’d love seeing the Doughy Pantload try to deal with Somalian reality. Would be the best Survivor episode ever.

  63. 63.

    jcricket

    Hitler replies, “I’m promoting my unter-hosen to uber-hosen.”

    Heh, reminds me of this one: “Neitzsche Pops, the Uber Breakfast”.

  64. 64.

    Cain

    Hitler apparently was a (not so strict) vegetarian. I guess that means all vegetarians are just like hitler!

    cain

  65. 65.

    TenguPhule

    I think wingers use anaolgies to Hilter and Nazism like analogies to Sauron and Mordor.

    That’s a fucking insult to Sauron.

    His plan to rule the world would have worked if not for that fucking little Gollum.

  66. 66.

    TenguPhule

    Arm each wingnut with an assault rifle and drop them all into Somalia. I’d love seeing the Doughy Pantload try to deal with Somalian reality. Would be the best Survivor episode ever.

    Especially since the parachutes would be sent after the contestants had already jumped.

  67. 67.

    schrodinger's cat

    Nazi flag was red black and white, so anyone who wears those colors is a secret Nazi sympathizer.

  68. 68.

    CWD

    Ah, the hell with it. Arm each wingnut with an assault rifle and drop them all into Somalia. I’d love seeing the Doughy Pantload try to deal with Somalian reality. Would be the best Survivor episode ever.

    Particularly if there were none.

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