Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

We’ll be taking my thoughts and prayers to the ballot box.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

Happy indictment week to all who celebrate!

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

Let there be snark.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

Republicans in disarray!

This really is a full service blog.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

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111Comments

  4. 4.

    cleek

    this just in: for a 38 year-old, 1AM is too late to be out on a Wednesday night. especially at a place that sells Guinness by the quart. for $3.

  5. 5.

    Ash

    According to GOPolitico, it’s dangerous for Obama to be a faithful husband who can cook and be a role model for his children. Umurikans just don’t like dudes like that. Apparently.

    They also say everyone hated Mittens Romney because he is a “spectacularly good-looking man.”

    Seriously.

  7. 7.

    Colonel Danite

    Guinness for $3 a quart? Where is this place and how long will it take me to get there from LA?

  8. 8.

    Brick Oven Bill

    The car sounded like it has got a puncture in the tire. But it was not a leak, it was a big rattlesnake. So it is there hissing at me and I want to get it out of the garage. First rocks are thrown and that doesn’t work. Then a pack of firecrackers. Still this thing is there hissing from behind a bunch of paint cans. Then the water hose. Then it stopped hissing and I can’t seem to find it and did not see it go anywhere.

    So I wonder, do rattlesnakes get tired of rattling, is it gone, or is this thing pissed and waiting to bite me? This is a big snake.

  9. 9.

    Martin

    So I wonder, do rattlesnakes get tired of rattling, is it gone, or is this thing pissed and waiting to bite me? This is a big snake.

    It’s lonely. Try kissing it. Eyes shut – snakes are self-conscious.

  10. 10.

    WereBear

    It’s a gorgeous day in the Adirondack Mountains, our new kitten is becoming even more cuddly, and I Kindled myself.

    Great way to approach the weekend! My best to all.

  11. 11.

    Martin

    Oh, and I’m increasingly coming to the conclusion that some adult needs to come to California and send the Republicans to their room in order for any kind of budget solution to happen. Republicans are just voting against everything now.

  12. 12.

    Brick Oven Bill

    Heading down to town, if you don’t hear from me again, bye Laura W. Your artwork is very beautiful.

  13. 13.

    R-Jud

    Spoke to my Dad tonight. We are heading over for a visit next week.

    Me: So what do you have planned for us?
    Dad: Croquet, swimming, maybe a hike on the AT.
    Me: (long pause) You haven’t been paying attention to the news, have you?
    Dad: Huh?

  14. 14.

    The Saff

    our new kitten is becoming even more cuddly

    Kittens rule!

    It will be a year next Tuesday that we unexpectedly rescued a 3-4 week old kitten. Hobbes now runs the show at our house. His latest trick is walking on top of the banister that runs the length of our loft (at the wall end, it’s about 10 feet down to the floor). He’s quite proud of himself.

  15. 15.

    Comrade Stuck

    @Brick Oven Bill:

    . Then it stopped hissing and I can’t seem to find it and did not see it go anywhere.

    Man I hate it when that happens. Is your insurance paid up BoB?

  16. 16.

    Ash Can

    @Brick Oven Bill: The rattlesnake went to tell its friends at PETA on you. By the time you get back from town they’ll be picketing your house and will have sheep grazing in your front yard, cows out back, chickens in your kitchen, and horses in your living room playing the piano and singing. I suggest staying in town.

  18. 18.

    Maurs

    OT – Michael Jackson taken by ambulance to hospital in cardiac arrest. Front page story on TMZ.com

  19. 19.

    MikeJ

    in Australia, wallabys eat opium poppies and make crop circles as a result.

    The hed on that story, “Stoned wallabies make crop circles” looks like a mnemonic for something, but I’m not sure what.

    I’ll go ask lovely Yvonne now that the neighbors have actually persuaded her to shut her window.

  20. 20.

    LD50

    Ehh, why didn’t you get something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I’m thirsty! Ew, what smells like mustard? There sure a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Oh! Look at that one. Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The president is a Demmycrat!

  22. 22.

    Colette

    @Ash:

    They also say everyone hated Mittens Romney because he is a “spectacularly good-looking man.”

    EW! Ew ew ew ew ew. I would find any random waxwork at Madame Tussaud’s more attractive than that shirt stuffed full of smug.

    Also, ew.

  23. 23.

    JenJen

    @Maurs:

    OT – Michael Jackson taken by ambulance to hospital in cardiac arrest. Front page story on TMZ.com

    Wha…? For reals? Is it… Bad?! Shamoy!

    (sorry, sorry, couldn’t resist, I’m 12 years old, I know)

  25. 25.

    demkat620

    How does this woman get out of bed in the morning?

    Dana Perino today

    While I am not able to explain, I do think I know the answer to all of this: Elect more women. No woman I know has the time for such trysts, nor do I know any who say the desire one. They’re too busy trying to keep all the plates spinning at home, at work, and at the gym to make sure none fall and break.

    That just…um..okay…

  27. 27.

    harlana pepper

    So Sanford absolutely refuses to resign. So much for the hand-wringing. Still feeling charitable?

  28. 28.

    binzinerator

    Can dogs read?

    Well, if they can speak why not read?

    Scientists have made some progress in their study of this important subject: They’ve learned why dogs, and other animals, have rather poor pronunciation and, for example, completely botch consonants. They “don’t use their tongues and lips very well, and that makes it difficult for them to match many of the sounds that their human partners make,” Lucas says.

    Sounds like Astro’s ‘ruh-roh’ was a pretty good guess as to how it would sound if dogs could speak.

  31. 31.

    The Moar You Know

    Still feeling charitable?

    @harlana pepper: To him, no. To his wife and kids and mistress, more so than ever as I watch them get dragged through the meatgrinder that is our purient media.

    Because they’re not the point, and what Sanford does with his penis is not the point. Sanford leaving the state for ten days without telling anyone is the point, but nobody seems to give a shit about that, preferring to giggle it up like girls in a junior high school bathroom.

    Plus, think it through – this guy is going to hang around like a dead, rotting albatross for 18 months? Thank you, Jeebus.

  33. 33.

    The Moar You Know

    Farrah and Michael Jackson dead on the same day. I want to both mourn my youth and throw a party.

  34. 34.

    RememberNovember

    Roger Ebert posted a great de-construction of Bill O that’s worth reading and passing on.

    link:

  35. 35.

    gwangung

    I don’t think people should be forced from office for having an affair. You think he has violated the terms of his office, bring it.

    Personally, abandoning the office is kinda irresponsible, no matter how you look at it. I’d be comfortable with any legal repercussions from that.

  36. 36.

    Laura W

    @Brick Oven Bill:

    Heading down to town, if you don’t hear from me again, bye Laura W. Your artwork is very beautiful.

    I shan’t draw another happy breath until I learn of your safe return, Bill.
    You fucking semi-lovable loon.

  37. 37.

    binzinerator

    @harlana pepper:

    So Sanford absolutely refuses to resign.

    Yeah didn’t see that one coming did we? ; )

    When he didn’t offer his resignation I thought he might have been thinking he’s still got a chance for 2012.

    I think he’s going to try to run in 2012. He’ll tell us Jesus said “we’re good” so it’ll can only be petty and mean-spirited and intolerant if that’s not good for the rest of ya.

  39. 39.

    Marked Hoosier

    I can’t believe Glen Beck, Michelle Bachman, etc. are really attacking the Census. Really?!?

    The crazy right is certifiable…

    When Census workers are shot, do you think Beck or Bachman will feel any remorse?

  42. 42.

    Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse

    @The Moar You Know: If he is dead, I mourn the awesomely talented child and young man he once was. He fucked up his life a lot in recent decades, and there’s the lingering taint of pedophilia hanging over him as well, but I just don’t feel like partying. He was broken as a child and never recovered.

  44. 44.

    Martin

    I don’t think people should be forced from office for having an affair.

    But those were Sanfords rules. I think one of the big disconnects on this issue is whose morality we’re all to be held to. John Cole says that Sanford shouldn’t be held to Cole’s morality. I agree. Whose morality should he be held to?

    Sanford wants to hold ALL other people to Sanford’s morality, all but himself. That’s completely the opposite of how it should work. As soon as Sanford thinks someone else should step down from office, those become the rules that should be ascribed to Sanford. What’s more, Sanford voted to legislate that attitude.

    As soon as these assholes drop their holier than thou rules (and supporting legislation), I’ll agree that a wandering dick doesn’t deserve a resignation. Until that day, however…

  47. 47.

    Comrade Stuck

    Was never a fan of neither Fawcett or Jackson, at least the adult one. But I’m about burnt on bad news overload of premature death and sorry ass politicians. I think it’s hi time to bring back the Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle who taught me how to laugh and to learn to stop worrying and love the bomb.

    Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat. :–)

  48. 48.

    binzinerator

    Yeah, ol’ ‘AT’ Marko was just going to BA to break it off. Honest.

    from TMZ:

    Carlos Soto, the owner of Guido’s Bar, says he’s seen Sanford and Maria Belen Chapur there several times over the last few months — most recently last week.
    .
    Soto says they were “all over each other” last week in his bar, “kissing, holding hands and drinking wine.”
    .
    Soto was impressed with Maria, saying she has “un cuerpazo'” — translation: a banging body.

    I do believe this will earn Sanford some secret (and not-so-secret) admiration among many males of his base. And more secretly so, among more women in his base than one may think.

  49. 49.

    Martin

    @me:

    Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson. That’s three.

    My God, the limits Obama will go to…

  51. 51.

    LD50

    When Census workers are shot, do you think Beck or Bachman will feel any remorse?

    I assume that’s a rhetorical question.

  52. 52.

    Wile E. Quixote

    Man, first Farrah Fawcett, who I ogled as a newly pubescent teen back in the late 1970s and now Michael Jackson, who, say what you will about his personal life, was a pop genius who not only broke the MTV color barrier (Well Bill Paley had a bit to do with it too) but who also saved the recording industry in the early 1980s. What a miserable day.

  54. 54.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @Comrade Stuck

    Was never a fan of neither Fawcett or Jackson, at least the adult one. But I’m about burnt on bad news overload of premature death and sorry ass politicians.

    Yeah, me too, why can’t we get some happy news, like say news about the premature deaths of sorry-ass politicians?

  55. 55.

    JK

    If you live by the sword, you should die by the sword. Sanford and Ensign should both resign. These hypocritical pricks never contemplated cutting other politicians slack for scandals so fuck them both and run them out of town.

  56. 56.

    cs

    So I was in Figueira, Portugal on the beach with a Portuguese friend. There was a sign like the above, only a bit stricter, prohibiting dogs on the beach. Directly underneath the sign was a huge pile of dog poop.

    Looked at my friend, and he said “No one’s going to get arrested for having dogs on the beach. We’re a free country, unlike the US.”

  57. 57.

    Martin

    Yeah, me too, why can’t we get some happy news, like say news about the premature deaths of sorry-ass politicians?

    Look forward to how excited and relieved we’ll feel when BOB cheats garage snake death.

  60. 60.

    JK

    Jon Stewart nailed it again last night: “Sanford is a politician with a conservative mind and a liberal penis.”

  62. 62.

    Elie

    RIP Farrah and Michael Jackson — both knew the highs and the lows of celebrity — may each be at peace

    As for Governor Sanford, according to Politico — the dude was planning for a TEN day absence from his job to go hang out in Argentina. Taking into consideration that his office has lied and covered up about his whereabouts and that he did not hand off the duties of his office to anyone – I consider his reckless butt to be TOAST.

    The resignation should be about THIS — not his affair. There are already calls from other Republican state leaders for his resignation. To me the only bet is when not if.

  63. 63.

    Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse

    My Mum and Dad would have been 85 and 84 respectively today. And I found out just a few hours ago that the client who’s been providing 80% of my income may have little or nothing for me until the new year, and even that isn’t guaranteed. I have another couple of clients, some savings and some other prospects to carry me through a few more months, so things aren’t grim, but it’s sobering. (Emergency funds, folks. I’m not kidding. Aim for at least 6 months of bare bones expenses, if not 12. Pay less on consumer debt to get this nut together. If you’re not earning a lot to begin with, this may seem an impossible goal, but put away what you can.)

    Yeah, this could be a better day. But at least I’m having it.

  64. 64.

    asiangrrlMN

    P.S. B.O.B., as much as you annoy the shit out of me, please have a professional take care of the snake.

    Ah, shit, Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse. I’m sorry that times are so tough for you. Good vibes coming your way.

  66. 66.

    cleek

    @Colonel Danite:

    the Pour House, Raleigh NC. on Weds., you buy the empty 32 oz mug for $4, once. and you can fill it with any beer for $3. 30 beers on tap. plus you can reuse the same mug week after week. this is a dangerous place.

  68. 68.

    Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse

    OK, CBS news and LA Times are reporting that Jackson is dead after briefly being in a coma (says my radio station).

  72. 72.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @Martin

    @Wile E. Quixote

    Yeah, me too, why can’t we get some happy news, like say news about the premature deaths of sorry-ass politicians?

    Look forward to how excited and relieved we’ll feel when BOB cheats garage snake death.

    Isn’t “Garage Snake Death” the new single by the Armchair Eberts?

  73. 73.

    binzinerator

    @linda:

    latimes has now confirmed that jackson has died.

    Aw shit. I saw that over at TMZ and hoped it was gossip rag overreach. Damn.

  74. 74.

    demimondian

    @Elie: Yup. This is the thing which should have him out — that’s gross neglect of his responsibilities to the state.

  77. 77.

    Jon H

    At least Michael Jackson’s kids will be able to get rid of the goddamn masks now and maybe live a somewhat more normal life.

  78. 78.

    The Grand Panjandrum

    @demimondian: Absolutely. I don’t care who he’s sleeping with. That’s his business but leaving the country without letting anyone know where he went is inexecusable. I don’t think anyone would have thought twice about this mess if he had turned the reigns over to the Lt Gov while he was gone. He should resign or be thrown out.

  80. 80.

    Catsy

    Holy crap, Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett?

    The media is going to be in a frenzy, what with two famous white women dying in the same day.

  81. 81.

    Cat Lady

    Bad day for celebrity. Hope no one here was a pop icon of the 70’s and 80’s. If so, it was nice talkin’ to ya.

  83. 83.

    kay

    @Elie:

    The deal breaker is using public funds for a two day stay ahead of the delegation on a trade junket to Argentina.

    He’s gotta resign. He’s a fiscal conservative who spent 2 grand of taxpayer money on a luxury hotel while meeting with his mistress, which he now promises to repay, but only after he was caught.

    He’s done.

  84. 84.

    harlana pepper

    @The Moar You Know: If you had read some of my previous posts on the Sanford affair, you would have understood my point (same as yours) instead of jumping to the conclusion that I’m a vicious little giggling, gossiping school girl. You’re out of bounds

  85. 85.

    Brachiator

    @me:

    Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson. That’s three.

    This is a bit of an urban legend. It’s more that the average person only knows three notable people out of the many who die in a recent period of time.

    That said, these were people notable in American and world culture. The LA Times had a very nice piece on Ed McMahon and how tough it is to be a good second banana (Ed McMahon: A salute to the king of sidekicks).

    Ed and Johnny were “as close as two non-married people can be,” as McMahon wrote in his book, “Here’s Johnny: Memories of Johnny Carson, ‘The Tonight Show’ and 46 Years of Friendship.” McMahon, who was only two years older than Carson, began working as his announcer in 1957 on the game show “Who Do You Trust?” and accompanied him to “The Tonight Show” in 1962, where they kept on for 30 years.

    A strange and sad news day.

  88. 88.

    dbrown

    I never felt anything but pity for Jackson. He never had the chance to grow up and live life as anything but a confused, frighten child. It is a tragedy that he passed away so young and never had a chance to grow up and watch his own children grow and enjoy life. Terrible.

  89. 89.

    harlana pepper

    And Mr. Fiscal Conservative (no matter how hard you fuck the poor in the process) was using taxpayer funds to go and fuck his mistress in the fucking pink moonlight or whatever the fuck drivel that simpering, privileged little prick wrote.

  92. 92.

    Jon H

    @Brachiator: “This is a bit of an urban legend. It’s more that the average person only knows three notable people out of the many who die in a recent period of time.”

    Well, no, it’s confirmation bias. Because of the saying, you _notice_ when three famous people die in close succession, so it seems significant. You don’t notice when one or two famous people die all by their lonesome.

  93. 93.

    CletusBleaker

    John:

    What a great pic!! I can’t stop chuckling.

    Is keeping me from thinking about the deaths of 2 icons.

    Mr. 55

  94. 94.

    Elroy's Lunch

    @Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse

    I’m very sorry to hear about your predicament. I hope that things turn out well for you soon. And I hope you can keep your internet connection going because it would be a shame to lose your contributions to the BJ threads.

  95. 95.

    Jon H

    @dbrown: “I never felt anything but pity for Jackson. He never had the chance to grow up and live life as anything but a confused, frighten child. It is a tragedy that he passed away so young and never had a chance to grow up and watch his own children grow and enjoy life. Terrible.”

    I feel bad for his kids. They’ll have to deal with the hassles of fame and status of being Michael Jackson’s kids, but I doubt they’ll inherit a penny. Jackson’s creditors will likely have all his assets in court forever. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t have any life insurance.

    Jackson’s been pretty much broke for ages, and was preparing for an extended series of concerts in London that might have helped.

  96. 96.

    qwerty42

    BOB, I don’t know where you live — if it were the lower south, and it were a diamondback, I’d call a pro. the snake might feel safe under the car, but I remember a newspaper report in Savannah when the mechanic found a copperhead curled up in the engine well, so …
    Oh, is there a lot of brush around your house — maybe technically called “shrubs”?
    good luck.

  98. 98.

    Jon H

    @kay: “The deal breaker is using public funds for a two day stay ahead of the delegation on a trade junket to Argentina.
    He’s gotta resign. He’s a fiscal conservative who spent 2 grand of taxpayer money on a luxury hotel while meeting with his mistress, which he now promises to repay, but only after he was caught.”

    What’s more, the dude’s family owns a 3,000 acre historic plantation in SC, complete with white lawn jockey on the gatepost.

  99. 99.

    Dennis-SGMM

    @Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse:
    Damn. My family and I are facing a severe curtailment in our income largely because the California legislature is batshit insane.
    My wife was born in Juarez and I hale from a long line of poor people so we both know the drill already. You seem to have provided yourself a cushion to help you ride out these sorry times. Good thinking! At 61 (My own late parents would have been 89 this year) I have ridden out enough downturns to last me a lifetime. That neither political party seems interested in ending the boom-and-bust cycle it to their everlasting shame.
    My heart goes out to those who have no reserves, no prospects and who will soon know, if they don’t already, the intimate humiliations of being broke.

  100. 100.

    Brachiator

    @Jon H:

    Well, no, it’s confirmation bias. Because of the saying, you notice when three famous people die in close succession, so it seems significant. You don’t notice when one or two famous people die all by their lonesome.

    No. It’s not quite the same as confirmation bias. For example, during this same period, Jean Dausset, who won the freaking Nobel Prize in Medicine died. Master musician Ali Akbar Khan died. Opera singer Betty Allen died.

    Jerri FitzGerald, the brave ER doctor who had to treat her own cancer while on an expedition at the South Pole died.

    These people don’t register as high on the pop culture meter as do Michael Jackson and even Ed McMahon. But they surely qualify as being famous.

  101. 101.

    kay

    @Jon H:

    I read his newspaper bio last night. I think it’s wild that he includes “working on a plantation” in his hard work’in blue-collar cred section.

    I just didn’t know people used the word “plantation” anymore. I was baffled by that. A…plantation? How old is this man?

    Now it makes sense. His family owns a slavery theme park? That’s charming.

  102. 102.

    Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse

    Thanks for the sympathy and shared experiences, guys, and I hope ScreaminginAtlanta and Dennis-SGMM get through this, too.

    Now I’m off on my bike to do a little shopping. I’ll go a little further to the place with milk on for half price. :-)

  103. 103.

    Jon H

    @Brachiator: “These people don’t register as high on the pop culture meter as do Michael Jackson and even Ed McMahon. But they surely qualify as being famous.”

    I pretty much always figured the 3-deaths thing was Hollywood-centric. (Or Hollywood/New York/Nashville, at a stretch.)

    After all, papers all over the world have obituaries every day for people who are well-known to *some* extent.

  104. 104.

    LD50

    Should we start some kind of pool about what happened with BOB & his rattlesnake?

    I mean, if he never posts again, we’ll know what happened, but otherwise…

  105. 105.

    Steeplejack

    @Laura W:

    I shan’t draw another happy breath until I learn of your safe return, Bill.

    Golly, I didn’t know you could do Jane Austen, too. Sigh . . .

  107. 107.

    Steeplejack

    @Wile E. Quixote:

    Isn’t “Garage Snake Death” the new single by the Armchair Eberts?

    I loved their first two albums, but then they totally sold out.

    Edit: Although their concert album, Live at the Multiplex, was damn good. I particularly liked Pauline Kael’s 8-minute drum solo in the extended version of “Garage Snake Death.”

  108. 108.

    Brachiator

    @Jon H:

    I pretty much always figured the 3-deaths thing was Hollywood-centric. (Or Hollywood/New York/Nashville, at a stretch.)

    It was the Hollywood/New York connection that pretty much nailed the falseness of the 3-death rule. I live in Southern California and would read Daily Variety, the LA Times and the New York Times.

    You would regularly read the obits of people who once were extremely famous, who even continued to have some renown on Broadway, but not the movies or TV, and who no longer rated highly on the pop culture meter. Invariably, someone would mark the passing of two “famous” people without even realizing that several more worthy candidates were available as well.

    Also, when I’m in Hollywood, I easily note that tourists will wander along the starred Walk of Fame, and go “Who’s that?” many more times than they will say, “Look, there’s so and so,” even though presumably everyone who got a star was considered to be a noteworthy celebrity.

    Even stranger than the faux 3-death rule is the situation in which the sudden or unexpected death of a celebrity for some reason generates totally false rumors of a different celebrity’s death.

    It happened again today. I will not mention the celebrity’s name, but his publicist is busily denying rumors of his death in an accident.

  109. 109.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @Steeplejack

    @Wile E. Quixote:
    Isn’t “Garage Snake Death” the new single by the Armchair Eberts?

    I loved their first two albums, but then they totally sold out.
    Edit: Although their concert album, Live at the Multiplex, was damn good. I particularly liked Pauline Kael’s 8-minute drum solo in the extended version of “Garage Snake Death.”

    I dunno, I think that Kael’s drumming lost a lot of its passion when she gave up smack and found Jesus.

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