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You are here: Home / Politics / Republican Stupidity / With All Due Respect to Tools

With All Due Respect to Tools

by John Cole|  June 25, 20093:14 pm| 111 Comments

This post is in: Republican Stupidity, Assholes, The Wingularity

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Michele Bachmann is as dumb as a sack of hammers:

Except, of course, she can’t possibly be this stupid, so what she is doing should be seen for what it is- trying to whip people into a froth and inciting trouble. She’s really not much different from Glenn Beck or Hal Turner, actually, and far more reprehensible because she is actually an elected official.

I’m now to the point that I fully expect some census workers to get shot this year.

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111Comments

  1. 1.

    JoyceH

    June 25, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    I’m now to the point that I fully expect some census workers to get shot this year.

    Me too. And the shooter will be shouting incoherently about ACORN.

  2. 2.

    Davis X. Machina

    June 25, 2009 at 3:18 pm

    Is her opposition to the census political, or religious?

  3. 3.

    C Nelson Reilly

    June 25, 2009 at 3:21 pm

    Is dumber than dirt worse than dumber than a sack of hammers or dumber than a doorknob?

  4. 4.

    Bachwoman

    June 25, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    Doesn’t this deserve a “Hoot-Smalley” tag?

  5. 5.

    adolphus

    June 25, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    I am beginning to think that winning an election in Minnesota might not be the feather in Al Franken’s cap that he thinks it is.

    I’d like him to be Senator too, but jeesh, do you want to be invited to join a club that also invited Jesse Ventura and this nut bag?

  6. 6.

    Zifnab

    June 25, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    Please, please, please let the real crazies simply forgo participating in the census. Nothing says, “I’m a real American” like holing up in your basement with a shootie, a weeks supply of cheetos, and your tin foil hat on tight. If you want to sabotage your own electoral chances ever so subtly, more power to you.

  7. 7.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    June 25, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    And the shooter will be shouting incoherently about ACORN.

    Which will have nothing to do with people like Bachmann, or Glenn Beck, of course. They will be totally blameless.

    I would do Megyn Kelly.

  8. 8.

    Al Swearengen

    June 25, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    I like how they included stock footage of BLACK census workers.

    Stay classy, Fox. You dog-whistle racist motherfuckers, you.

  9. 9.

    N M

    June 25, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    not just a tool, not just a tool shed, Bachmann is a full blown tool factory.

  10. 10.

    Kennedy

    June 25, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    The sad thing is, she clearly doesn’t understand the difference or see any distinction between the conduct of an elected official and that of a pathetic hack like Glenn Beck.

    In fact, if you watched Fox News regularly and didn’t know she was a congresswoman, you may wonder why she doesn’t have her own show.

  11. 11.

    Tom

    June 25, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    Just after 15 seconds…

    The blonde says “we know all about ACORN, with its history of voter registration fraud, with workers pleading guilty to it in many cases and on and on…”

    I’d like to hear what the next two “ons” are. These people KNOW there’s nothing to the ACORN conspiracy talk. But it’s brings in the ratings, so… get Bachman on line one!

  12. 12.

    T Paine

    June 25, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    I think she CAN possibly be that stupid, actually.

  13. 13.

    Wile E. Quixote

    June 25, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    Who’s the stupid twat on the left? The bleached blond who holds forth about ACORN and it’s supposed evil while introducing the story?

  14. 14.

    jrg

    June 25, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    What on earth does this loon think that the Census is for?

    I really, really hope that a bunch of Fox news watchers follow her advice and get fined. We’ve needed a stupidity tax for a long time now.

  15. 15.

    Tom

    June 25, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    John,

    I have to say this is one the best headers I’ve seen in a while. You also could have gone with:

    Bachmann, Turner Overdrive

  16. 16.

    fastandsloppy

    June 25, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    When I go to the pound to pick out a dog I generally look into its eyes, face to face, to see if it has any kind of spark of intelligence. I don’t need my dog to be a dog genius, but I want it to be reasonable smart for a dog. You can tell a lot about a dog by doing this, even with a puppy.

    The first thing I noticed about Bachmann when she started showing up in the news is that she has some seriously stupid puppy eyes. The good voters of Minnesota should have left her at the kennel.

  17. 17.

    Ash

    June 25, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    Except, of course, she can’t possibly be this stupid

    Of course she’s that stupid. What’s with you giving dumbasses more credit than they deserve lately, John? Lily has turned you into a softie.

  18. 18.

    jrg

    June 25, 2009 at 3:30 pm

    Bachmann, Turner Overdrive

    Been done. I think it was “Bachmann, Traitor Overdrive”

  19. 19.

    Louise

    June 25, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    I’m with John and Joyce. I think we’re near certain to see violence against one or more census workers. And when it happens, will we see any news organization show this clip?

  20. 20.

    fastandsloppy

    June 25, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    Also, let me say that although I find her politics loathesome, I wouldn’t mind walkin’ the Appalachian trail with some-o-that.

  21. 21.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    June 25, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    I’d like to hear what the next two “ons” are.

    For those of us in the real world, they are “ACORN fired the indicted employees, paid for the costs of investigating them, and instituted new fraud-checking procedures to reduce the chance of it happening again.”

    But I guess we are supposed to never again trust an organization if anyone in it has been indicted, which leaves us with. . .

  22. 22.

    ricky

    June 25, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    I hate to have this debate bleed over from another site, but despite it being preferable to a box, a sack is decidedly inferior as a receptacle for hammers compared to a bag.

    When one is as dumb as the Congressperson from Minnesota, “Dumb as a Bag of Hammers” is most appropriate. Rocks, on the other hand, belong in boxes.
    When read aloud, “Michelle Bachmann is dumber than a box of rocks” actually rocks. Making her equivalent to hammers, whether sacked or bagged, is lyrically less damning.

  23. 23.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    June 25, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    Good god.

    So, basically “The census is skewed and unfair because they want to distort how many non-white minorities there are and make it seem like there are fewer white people, so our response is that we shouldn’t have to answer these intrusive questions!”

    If they could once, just once, even form a coherent argument that wasn’t undermining something they said just said two minutes before, or even in the same sentence…

    It’s like watching people shadow boxing and knocking themselves out.

  24. 24.

    Tsulagi

    June 25, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    she can’t possibly be this stupid

    Ye of little faith.

    She brings the unadulterated high-calorie full-fat loony while Beck merely an artificially sweetened manufactured version. Accept no substitutes.

  25. 25.

    4tehlulz

    June 25, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    I’m glad that she thinks that the internment of the Japanese was a bad thing; I was having my doubts about that.

  26. 26.

    JL

    June 25, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    Long live hoot!

  27. 27.

    The Grand Panjandrum

    June 25, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    Worried about the census but we have nothing to fear when the government, without warrants, gathers emails and taps phones. Oy. ACORN! Democrat Party! Internment camps! I’m not saying that’s what they would do. (Nice conflation with the Japanese internment camps!) … I wrote in a previous comment that I’ve read somewhere on one of the wingnut blogs that they think this a ploy by Obama to find out where all the guns are so they can start taking them away at a later date. Anyone seen that meme?

  28. 28.

    Brick Oven Bill

    June 25, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    I again ask what Glenn Beck has ever said that was false or misleading. In comparison to, say, ‘there will be no tax increases on anyone making less than $250,000.’ Or ‘I will use public campaign funds’. Or FISA. Or…

  29. 29.

    REN

    June 25, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    I have grown up with great respect for the average Minnesotans intelligence and common sense. They have sent some fine representatives into government over the years. But there has got to be something in the water in the 6th congressional district for them to reelect this bozo last year. Her mental capacity was on display for one and all before the election, and she still won with 46% of the vote. Rather than her foolishness, it is this fact which truly disturbs me.

  30. 30.

    Comrade Stuck

    June 25, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    She just wants to do it the old fashion wingnut way of George Bush, her sweetheart studmuffin. Wiretapping can get all the info we need and snare any loose terrorists to boot. And Acorn can suck on this.

  31. 31.

    Kennedy

    June 25, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    Also, remember that if or when there is any violence perpetrated against census workers, the guilty are dirty left-wing extremists, and the DHS report on right-wing terrorism was an irrelevant smear job on good upstanding conservatives.

  32. 32.

    Sophist

    June 25, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    Every time she opens her mouth, I wonder how anyone could possibly vote for her, even if they agree with her politically. Who the hell did she defeat in her primary, Ralph Wiggum?

  33. 33.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    June 25, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    @jrg: I tried “watching Bachmann turn her overdrive on” months ago and even then discovered that the joke had been done to death already, maybe not in that form but still.

  34. 34.

    Dave C

    June 25, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    Since we’re on the topic of right wing insanity, check out the latest meme: Obama wants to kill old people to save money on healthcare.

    Do you know where your sweet ol’ grandma is? Obama does.

  35. 35.

    Jay in Oregon

    June 25, 2009 at 3:43 pm

    Attacks on census workers have been happening for a while. A census worker was killed by dogs in Nashville in 2000

  36. 36.

    The Saff

    June 25, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    That was painful to watch.

    We’ve needed a stupidity tax for a long time now.

    This.

  37. 37.

    Zifnab

    June 25, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    @Brick Oven Bill:

    I again ask what Glenn Beck has ever said that was false or misleading.

    You fail at life.

  38. 38.

    Wile E. Quixote

    June 25, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    Oh, and I’m confused here. I didn’t watch the entire piece because listening to Michele Bachmann (And why isn’t “Bachmann Wingnut Overdrive” a tag? C’mon John, that was too freaking brilliant to use once and then throw away. Sometimes it kills me to see the way you treat your best work.) before my morning dose of amphetamines and caffeine kicks in is just going to piss me off in a way that I don’t need to be pissed off, but I thought that internment was a good thing. I mean didn’t Michelle Malkin write an entire book about how rounding up brown people, with exceptions made for conservative Filipina anchor babies who own Catholic schoolgirl outfits, and putting them in concentration internment camps was a good thing (How many starbursts do you think Rich Lowry sees when he watches that video?)

    I mean how is the Palin/Sanford administration supposed to round up all of the scary brown people, with the exception of Sanford’s mistress, in 2013 if the government doesn’t know where they are?

  39. 39.

    Wayne

    June 25, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    Bachman looks like the sister of that crazy Katherine Harris from Florida.

  40. 40.

    Indylib

    June 25, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    OT LImbaugh says that Sanford was just “Going Galt” on the Appalachian Trail on his way to Crying in Argentina and it’s all because America under Obama has become so awful.

  41. 41.

    SpotWeld

    June 25, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    We’ve needed a stupidity tax for a long time now.

    There is one.. sadly it’s not the stupid people who must pay it.

  42. 42.

    Walker

    June 25, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    I had friends volunteer for the census in 90 when I lived in the mountains of Tennessee. They told me interesting tales of working in the really rural “moonshine” areas. Census agents have always been in danger.

  43. 43.

    shelley matheis

    June 25, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    Gosh, Michelle, who knew the census could be such a magical treasure trove of data. Cause god knows the government has no other funds of information on the general public, like, you know, the IRS or social security…. Yes, without the census the big evil guvmint would be completely in the dark.

  44. 44.

    Woodrow "asim" Jarvis Hill

    June 25, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    I just had to push back on some Census nonsense on a belly dance forum, fer chrissakes.
    It’s EVERYWHERE, man.

  45. 45.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    June 25, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    So, basically “The census is skewed and unfair because they want to distort how many non-white minorities there are and make it seem like there are fewer white people, so our response is that we shouldn’t have to answer these intrusive questions!”

    Plus, white people need to have more babies:

    http://mediamatters.org/research/200605120006

  46. 46.

    IndieTarheel

    June 25, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    Take all your basic wingnut ingredients:

    stupidity
    bigotry
    homophobia
    xenophobia
    paranoia
    industrial-strength sense of entitlement

    Slow simmer until you’re left with demi-glace à la Wingnut.

    Endtimes Barbie is the undisputed queen of “Holy Hell, lady, WTF are you smoking?”

  47. 47.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    June 25, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    @jrg:

    We’ve needed a stupidity tax for a long time now.

    Actually if you combined the census with the lottery you’d probably get far more people to respond.

    Tell them that for every person they admit to, they get another chance at the jackpot. Though then people like Bachmann voters would be saying there were 27 people in the house. You know, telling the truth.

  48. 48.

    REN

    June 25, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    She is however a comedians dream. They don’t even need to pay a writer.

  49. 49.

    Uloborus

    June 25, 2009 at 3:56 pm

    Actually, I stopped watching when she went into the ‘no government interference in our lives’ meme. That one’s… really starting to bother me. A lot. ‘No government interference in our lives’, or at least ‘minimal’ is a liberal, not a conservative attitude. It is conservatives who think that, say, gay marriage, sodomy, and smoking marijuana all need to be forbidden by law. Censorship? Where do the liberal/conservative lines draw on censorship? Where did they draw on segregation?

    Sigh.

  50. 50.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    June 25, 2009 at 3:56 pm

    John: Why do you seem to assume that politicians are smarter than they are? Many are not. Many are as dumb as Bachmann. It’s just that many didn’t have the 24/7 cable nuuuuuuuus channels to showcase their stoooopidity. She’s nothing new really at least in the terms of a dumb fuck getting elected to Congress. That’s been with us since oh, probably the First Congress. Okay, probably since the Second.

    She gets elected because her district is gerrymandered to ensure she gets elected. It’s as if they found all the batshit insane wingnuts in the state, then created a district for them. Moreover, if my red neighbors are any indication (and I live in the second reddest county in Misery–yup, we went 73% for the Old Man and the Grifter Chick), they vote on a very specific set of issues and as long as their Congresscritter votes they way they’re supposed to vote on those issues, stoopidity be damned. Then you have the subset of Red State Morans who view their dumb shit representative with pride since they ain’t no intellectual and “know” the right thing to do and all that claptrap.

    This is one reason why the Founding Fathers feared giving everybody the vote. Not that any kind of “voter qualification” statute doesn’t discriminate somehow, but they truely were concerned about letting a mob of dumbshits elect people to office.

  51. 51.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    June 25, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    on one of the wingnut blogs that they think this a ploy by Obama to find out where all the guns are so they can start taking them away at a later date. Anyone seen that meme?

    Why, yes. Yes I have.

    3 police officers shot to death in Pittsburgh

    by The Associated Press

    Saturday April 04, 2009, 12:41 PM

    PITTSBURGH — A man opened fire on officers during a domestic disturbance call Saturday morning, killing three of them, a police official said. Friends said he feared the Obama administration was poised to ban guns.

    http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2009/04/3_police_officers_shot_to_deat.html

  52. 52.

    shelley matheis

    June 25, 2009 at 3:58 pm

    I again ask what Glenn Beck has ever said that was false or misleading.

    Well, in relation to this story, just look up the transcripts on any show he’s done on ACORN. Lies and smear-a-thons.

  53. 53.

    Cris

    June 25, 2009 at 3:59 pm

    @Brick Oven Bill: I again ask what Glenn Beck has ever said that was false or misleading.

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA *gasp* HA HA HA HA

    *sniff*

    Oh god, Bill, I love having you around.

  54. 54.

    gwangung

    June 25, 2009 at 3:59 pm

    I’m now to the point that I fully expect some census workers to get shot this year.

    Do we expect the obvious thing? That news services will run this along side that news?

    Nawwwwwwwww.

  55. 55.

    PeopleAreNoDamnGood

    June 25, 2009 at 4:00 pm

    Bachmann, Turner Overdrive

    I think you meant “Bachman: Turn her over. Drive.”

  56. 56.

    PeopleAreNoDamnGood

    June 25, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    I again ask what Glenn Beck has ever said that was false or misleading.

    Where I come from, a gaffe like this is known as a “spoof tell.”

    Be more careful, Billious.

  57. 57.

    Brick Oven Bill

    June 25, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    OK, I get it. Glenn Beck sucks.

  58. 58.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    June 25, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    Bill, if I thought you subscribed to a recognizably human concept of “false” or “misleading”, I would point some out to you.

  59. 59.

    Brachiator

    June 25, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    @ricky:

    I hate to have this debate bleed over from another site, but despite it being preferable to a box, a sack is decidedly inferior as a receptacle for hammers compared to a bag.

    Yep. Bag it!

    Let’s go to that unimpeachable source, the dialog for O Brother, Where Art Thou?

    Pete: The Preacher said it absolved us.
    Ulysses Everett McGill: For him, not for the law. I’m surprised at you, Pete, I gave you credit for more brains than Delmar.
    Delmar O’Donnell: But they was witnesses that seen us redeemed.
    Ulysses Everett McGill: That’s not the issue Delmar. Even if that did put you square with the Lord, the State of Mississippi’s a little more hard-nosed.
    [laughs]
    Ulysses Everett McGill: Baptism! You two are just dumber than a bag of hammers!

    So, basically “The census is skewed and unfair because they want to distort how many non-white minorities there are and make it seem like there are fewer white people, so our response is that we shouldn’t have to answer these intrusive questions!”

    Because, what, only white people are “real Americans?” I suppose next these wingnuts will claim that Obama has leased voting equipment from the Iranian government (which previously leased it from Katherine Harris), and that the pre-digested census numbers will reveal the US to be populated by 300 million Muslims and 60 million white Christian heterosexuals.

  60. 60.

    Uloborus

    June 25, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    About Brick Oven Bill’s challenge… I guess I don’t think it’s fair that nobody gives him a specific. So let me make the point. Randomly glanced at FOX while I was working on the news job. Glenn Beck was lecturing one of his audience-members that the founding fathers wanted the absolute minimum amount of government. This is false and misleading. I’d give you more, but to be quite frank I try to forget the specific things he says specifically because the blatant disrespect for truth irritates me, and I think that’s a common attitude on this forum.

  61. 61.

    Erik Vanderhoff

    June 25, 2009 at 4:14 pm

    I again ask what Glenn Beck has ever said that was false or misleading.

    BOB loses teh Interwebz today. “Obama’s FEMA is building concentration camps!” ring any bells?

  62. 62.

    Jon H

    June 25, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    I don’t get the anti-census thing. Aren’t they basically setting up conservative districts and states for an undercount?

  63. 63.

    Bill H

    June 25, 2009 at 4:17 pm

    I am terrified that somebody might hack a database and find out how long my commute to work is. Good lord the horror of it. How long it takes me to get to work is one of my deepest darkest secrets; you think I’m going to let that reside in some wide-open hackable databse? Think what could happen to me if a terrorist found out how long it takes me to get to work.

  64. 64.

    Wile E. Quixote

    June 25, 2009 at 4:18 pm

    @Brick Oven Bill

    I again ask what Glenn Beck has ever said that was false or misleading. In comparison to, say, ‘there will be no tax increases on anyone making less than $250,000.’ Or ‘I will use public campaign funds’. Or FISA. Or…

    Watch this clip.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_f61ClxwAI

    where Beck is so concerned about the Obama not taking the oath with his hand on the Bible. Now, I’d have to say that anyone who goes on the air and implies, as Beck is doing here, that the president is required to take the oath of office with his hand on the Bible, despite the fact that there is no such requirement to do so and despite the fact that even though this is supposedly a Christian nation the words “Jesus”, “Christ”, “Christian” or “Bible” appear nowhere in the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence or Hell, even in the Articles of Confederation, is misleading people.

    But of course perhaps Beck isn’t deliberately misleading people. Perhaps Beck is actually stupid enough to believe that the president is required to take the oath of office on a Bible. I mean there are lots of stupid bastards out there, as an example look at all of those stupid bastards who insist that Obama provide a certificate of live birth or that he’s not really a citizen because his mother didn’t live in the United States for five years after her fourteenth birthday. Now, some of these people might be making misleading statements while others might just be doltish, racist bastards who can’t read and don’t understand that if you’re born in the US of A and your Mom is a citizen by birth then guess what, you’re a US Citizen, regardless of how brown your father was and how brown you are.

    Come out of the closet and start thinking for yourself BOB. It’s hard, but it’s better than letting Glenn Beck do it for you, or hoping that Sully Sullenburger will take over and become your gay sex daddy the supreme leader who will spank your bottom and provide loving discipline lead wisely and well.

  65. 65.

    gbear

    June 25, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    @adolphus:

    I’d like him to be Senator too, but jeesh, do you want to be invited to join a club that also invited Jesse Ventura and this nut bag?

    Bachmann’s district was designed to be conservative. High octane concentrated wingnuttia. Norm Coleman probably got about 2/3 of the vote in her district.

    And I’ll say it again: Jesse started out as a pretty good governor, but he got sick of the job before his term ended. Half of the reason for that was because house majority leader Tim Pawlenty was a total fucking asshole back then too.

    Bachmann must have fallen off a ladder and landed on her head sometime around the last election. She’s always been loony but the level of bat-shit crazy has shot off the charts over the last year.

    I can’t stand to watch her. Does she make it thru the entire 5 minute clip without blinking? She seems to have an aversion to closing her eyes even for a moment.

  66. 66.

    jrg

    June 25, 2009 at 4:21 pm

    Aren’t they basically setting up conservative districts and states for an undercount?

    Yep. That’s one of the things that’s most amusing. The red districts will get less government money if they are undercounted.

    Then, naturally, they will blame thuh libruls when their government cheese does not arrive on time.

  67. 67.

    Calouste

    June 25, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    Bachman has some kind of weird, unholy, fanatic, far away stare in her eyes that I think I have only seen previously in the eyes of Ian Paisley.

  68. 68.

    Comrade Dread

    June 25, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    Also, let me say that although I find her politics loathesome, I wouldn’t mind walkin’ the Appalachian trail with some-o-that.

    You could do better. I think I’d be afraid she would bite my head off after the deed to feast on my brains.

    Gosh, Michelle, who knew the census could be such a magical treasure trove of data. Cause god knows the government has no other funds of information on the general public, like, you know, the IRS or social security…. Yes, without the census the big evil guvmint would be completely in the dark.

    And even with that census data, odds are fair to even that the government will still show up mistakenly at your neighbor’s house instead of yours giving you ample time to flee.

    http://www.cato.org/pub_display.php?pub_id=6476

  69. 69.

    Jon H

    June 25, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    @jrg: “Yep. That’s one of the things that’s most amusing. The red districts will get less government money if they are undercounted.”

    Hell, they might even lose seats in Congress.

  70. 70.

    PeopleAreNoDamnGood

    June 25, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    @Uloborus:

    BOB is a spoof. Taking him seriously is the gateway to oblivion.

  71. 71.

    Mike P

    June 25, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    @Erik Vanderhoff:
    Ah, but you can’t prove that Obama X Shabazz isn’t building concentratoion camps, so…starbursts!

  72. 72.

    Wile E. Quixote

    June 25, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    @ricky

    I hate to have this debate bleed over from another site, but despite it being preferable to a box, a sack is decidedly inferior as a receptacle for hammers compared to a bag.
    When one is as dumb as the Congressperson from Minnesota, “Dumb as a Bag of Hammers” is most appropriate. Rocks, on the other hand, belong in boxes.
    When read aloud, “Michelle Bachmann is dumber than a box of rocks” actually rocks. Making her equivalent to hammers, whether sacked or bagged, is lyrically less damning.

    I’ve always liked “dumber than a sack of doorknobs” myself. I don’t know, “box of rocks” isn’t as funny as “sack of doorknobs” but that’s just me.

  73. 73.

    Brick Oven Bill

    June 25, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    Beck is the guy who brought film crews in to dispel the rumors about the FEMA camps after bringing up the Internet rumors. Popular Mechanics was his partner in this effort. Beck is the one who put those FEMA rumors to bed, in my mind at least. And the Founders proposed the most limited government in modern history at their time, so I think that that is a valid point Uloborus.

    I must have missed the hand on Bible show, I probably catch about every third episode. So I cannot comment on Obama and Bibles other than to say that it would be weird for a Christian to not take his oath on a Bible, if in fact he didn’t.

  74. 74.

    Jon H

    June 25, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    @Brick Oven Bill: “So I cannot comment on Obama and Bibles other than to say that it would be weird for a Christian to not take his oath on a Bible, if in fact he didn’t.”

    There are Christians who refuse on religious grounds to take oaths. They would give an affirmation, without a Bible, which is a legal alternative.

  75. 75.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    June 25, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    I cannot comment on Obama and Bibles other than to say that it would be weird for a Christian to not take his oath on a Bible, if in fact he didn’t.

    This is the kind of thing I was referring to.

  76. 76.

    Wile E. Quixote

    June 25, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    @John Cole

    I’m now to the point that I fully expect some census workers to get shot this year.

    Hmmmm, maybe I should go for one of those temporary census worker gigs. The exercise would do me good and I have a concealed weapons permit. Of course that would make the wingers really lose their shit, imagine if one of them drew a weapon on a census worker who had a CWP and who was carrying that day and got blown away for his troubles. Fox News would be screaming about how the Department of Commerce was sending out hit squads to take out wingers, but then the NRA would get involved and say “Hey, wait, this guy was just doing his job and this crazy bastard drew a gun on him and got blown away, which proves that carrying a gun to work is a good idea.”

    It’s not that watching this would be fun because of the cognitive dissonance that it would cause amongst the wingers, cognitive dissonance requires cognition, which none of the wingers possess, it’s just that it’s fun to watch wingers go after each other.

  77. 77.

    SpotWeld

    June 25, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    BOB

    Beck got laughed at so much he had to own up to his stupidity.

    He in fact said he tried to debunk it and failed.

    He had to have someone take him by the hand and point out his failures. Then he had to be patted on the head and told it wasn’t his fault.

    BOB

    Shut up.

    That is all

  78. 78.

    Wile E. Quixote

    June 25, 2009 at 4:43 pm

    @shelley matheis

    Gosh, Michelle, who knew the census could be such a magical treasure trove of data. Cause god knows the government has no other funds of information on the general public, like, you know, the IRS or social security…. Yes, without the census the big evil guvmint would be completely in the dark.

    Yeah, and thank the FSM that there aren’t huge, completely and largely unaccountable companies that collect information on your income, finances and major purchases and then provide it, for free, to everyone in the world except for you. Of course even if such huge, completely and largely unaccountable companies existed it would be OK, because they’re in the private sector and are doing it for money.

  79. 79.

    robertdsc

    June 25, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    Bachmann has some kind of weird, unholy, fanatic, far away stare in her eyes

    That’s the one thing that spooks me about her. Those crazy eyes are very, very unsettling.

  80. 80.

    BDeevDad

    June 25, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    Quick, someone tell Bachmann about Obama’s CIO’s plans for data.gov It will make her head explode.

    The Obama administration’s most radical idea may also be its geekiest: Make nearly every hidden government spreadsheet and buried statistic available online, all in one place. For anyone to see. Are you searching for a Food and Drug Administration report that used to be obtainable only through the Freedom of Information Act? Just a mouseclick away. Need National Institutes of Health studies and school testing scores? Click. Census data, nonclassified Defense Department specs, obscure Securities and Exchange Commission files, prison statistics? Click click. Click. Click.

  81. 81.

    forked tongue

    June 25, 2009 at 4:56 pm

    Beck is the one who put those FEMA rumors to bed, in my mind at least.

    “I actually thought FEMA just might actually be building concentration camps, until GLENN BECK told me it wasn’t true.”

    BOB, you’re a treasure.

  82. 82.

    Stacy

    June 25, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    Bachmann must have fallen off a ladder and landed on her head sometime around the last election. She’s always been loony but the level of bat-shit crazy has shot off the charts over the last year.

    I wonder sometimes if she feels that her re-election after the “investigate congress for anti-Americanism” nuttery was some sort of approval for teh crazy, like “Heck, they still voted for me after that? Sweet, I’m not holding back teh crazy anymore, no sir!”

    I actually don’t think she’s stupid. I think she’s an end timer. Pretty much everything she says contains some sort of religious or racist dog-whistle, which is why most think she’s just babbling incoherently. I have relatives in her district, and trust me, she’s knows what she’s doing when she sends out messages like that, they eat it up.

    She kind of scares me. More so now that she’s decided to be BFFs with Ron Paul, because she’s going to be a “libertarian” just like him – “Less government unless it’s something I personally find icky or can fuck you over with it”.

    I still like Jesse. I don’t know why everyone picks on him so much.

  83. 83.

    gwangung

    June 25, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    Ah, but you can’t prove that Obama X Shabazz isn’t building concentratoion camps, so…starbursts!

    Construction jobs? Isn’t that part of the stimulus package?

  84. 84.

    brantl

    June 25, 2009 at 5:00 pm

    Bachmann, Turner, Overdouche. I like that one.

  85. 85.

    neil

    June 25, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    Funny how illegal wire-tapping of American citizens didn’t bother the good Congresscritter at all – but participating in her fever-dream ACORN dominated census does. Selective paranoia, I guess.

    If Michelle Bachmann had been in office in the 1940’s – she would have made the internment of Japanese Americans the cornerstone of her election campaign.

    I wonder how the Justice Department will address her call to the citizenry to disobey the law by not cooperating with the census.

  86. 86.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    June 25, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    Actually, I prefer this one from the great Foghorn Leghorn (slight paraphrase): “Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.”

  87. 87.

    oh really

    June 25, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    I fully expect some census workers to get shot this year.

    Me too. And the shooter will be shouting incoherently about ACORN.

    While smartly clad in a Glenn Beck tee shirt.

  88. 88.

    Brachiator

    June 25, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    @Brick Oven Bill:

    I must have missed the hand on Bible show, I probably catch about every third episode. So I cannot comment on Obama and Bibles other than to say that it would be weird for a Christian to not take his oath on a Bible

    Facts are wonderful things. And it was no doubt the weirdness of wingnuts that led to clarification of the issue on Wikipedia (The option of taking an oath or an affirmation)

    Franklin Pierce was the only president known to use the word affirm rather than swear. Theodore Roosevelt did not use a Bible when taking the oath in 1901. Dwight Eisenhower, Harry Truman, and Richard Nixon swore the oath on two Bibles. John Quincy Adams swore on a book of law. Lyndon B. Johnson was sworn in on a Roman Catholic missal on Air Force One.

    And I guess that Herbert Hoover was not really the legitimate president because he garbled the oath.

    In 1929, Chief Justice William Howard Taft garbled the oath when he swore in President Herbert Hoover using the words “preserve, maintain, and defend the Constitution”, instead of “preserve, protect, and defend”. The error was picked up by schoolgirl Helen Terwilliger on the radio. Taft eventually acknowledged his error, but did not think it was important, and Hoover did not retake the oath. In Taft’s view, his departure from the text did not invalidate the oath.

    In Special Wingnut Illogic land, since Hoover was never the “real” president, the Depression never happend.

  89. 89.

    oh really

    June 25, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    Questions on Michelle Bachmann’s 2010 census questionnaire:

    Q: When you are shipped off to an internment camp for re-education, would you prefer a silk or cotton blindfold?

    Q: When you are forced to accept Allah as the one true God, will you make your statement of belief in Arabic, Urdu, or Farsi?

    Q: Which of the following best describes your most recent federal income tax rate:
    a) 110% b) one million % c) one billion % d) one trillion %

    Q: Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Republican Party?

  90. 90.

    Zuzu's Petals

    June 25, 2009 at 5:26 pm

    Brachiator @88:

    More trivia: Coolidge did not put his hand on a Bible when taking his first oath because it wasn’t the custom in Vermont; it was lying on a table in the room.

  91. 91.

    JK

    June 25, 2009 at 5:35 pm

    Minnesotans,

    Reclaim your reputation and dignity by voting this psychotic out of office when she’s up for re-election. Bachmann is making your state a laughing stock. This woman is a malignant cancer in our polity. Minnesota must vote Bachmann out so that it can heal itself and reclaim some measure of respect.

  92. 92.

    guyermo

    June 25, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    Michele Bachmann is just as dumb and paranoid as she appears on national tv.

    Here is where she literally hid from and spied on “teh GAY” in the bushes.

  93. 93.

    Wile E. Quixote

    June 25, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    @Brachiator

    In Special Wingnut Illogic land, since Hoover was never the “real” president, the Depression never happend.

    And if it had happened it would have been all FDR’s fault, because he was a Democrat. Amity Shlaes says so!

  94. 94.

    Drowning in a Sea of Red

    June 25, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    John what do you have against hammers?

  95. 95.

    Deborah

    June 25, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    What did she do with the 2000 census? I mean, Clinton was still president when she had to fill it out!

    WHY does Minnesota not let this woman rant full-time on her own crazy call-in show while someone not-crazy handles the governance thing? You people could have been represented by the guy with the coolest name in politics, El Tinklenburg, damn it!

  96. 96.

    Zuzu's Petals

    June 25, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    Not to confuse Michelle with the facts or anything, but:

    ACORN is one of 250+ census partners whose job it is to recruit census worker applicants. That is the extent of its involvement.

    Those applicants will, if hired, become employees of the Census Bureau, not ACORN:

    Buckner said the bureau received an overwhelming number of qualified applicants — more than 1 million — for the 140,000 census taker jobs filled to complete the first phase of the effort. Each applicant, he said, must take a basic skills exam, which includes reading a map and entering data into a handheld computer. Applicants are also subject to an FBI background check, he said.

  97. 97.

    Singularity

    June 25, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    Bachmann — “What guranatees do the American people have that hackers won’t get into this system? We know that there were hackers that were able to get into the computer systems of some members of Congress.”

    Wow. Just… wow. Who was doing the hacking, Michelle? Because the only instance I recall was a Republican staffer on the Senate Judiciary Committee illegally accessing files on the computers of Democratic Senators.

    I would say it takes enormous chutzpah to try that one, but I think we can probably chalk it up to stupidity.

  98. 98.

    Mayken

    June 25, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    @Zifnab: That was my first thought – let then boycott the census. More power to the sane crowd please!

  99. 99.

    Ruem

    June 25, 2009 at 6:47 pm

    I take offense, good people. Tools are useful. Michelle Bachmann, is not, except when exhaling onto plant life. Ergo, Michelle Bachman only has a calling as a planter. Of course, she’d be a piss poor specimen. & toxic.

    @gbear:
    Not saying I know for sure but I think Momma B has a meth habit.

  100. 100.

    Broken

    June 25, 2009 at 6:47 pm

    Brick Oven Bill may be a spoof, but he does a fairly accurate wingnut.

    Speaking of Glenn Beck’s lies, here he is getting caught red-handed on “The View”:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/05/20/whoopi-goldberg-calls-gle_n_205845.html

  101. 101.

    Travis

    June 25, 2009 at 6:47 pm

    @Wile E. Quixote: That is Megyn Kelly. She is one of the Fox morning anchors. Trained as a lawyer, hired for her looks. She will occasionally stop O’Reilly when he goes too far, but generally, there’s nothing that she won’t say or do for the Fox goals.

  102. 102.

    Travis

    June 25, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    @jrg: Absolutely! I have also been wondering when the smarter folks on the right would start to notice that this type of crazy talk will inevitably lead to worse numbers for their party — everywhere. We’ll know when it abruptly stops.

    The census is going to happen, no matter what. God knows, I do not want a single census worker hurt. But my goodness, if you’re a right-wing nut job, please keep spreading the word that answering the census is the work of the devil, and ACORN, his satanic minions.

  103. 103.

    The Cat Who Would Be Tunch

    June 25, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    @Singularity:

    Wow. Just… wow. Who was doing the hacking, Michelle? Because the only instance I recall was a Republican staffer on the Senate Judiciary Committee illegally accessing files on the computers of Democratic Senators.
    I would say it takes enormous chutzpah to try that one, but I think we can probably chalk it up to stupidity.

    Well, Jindal did use a Republican administration’s failure to handle a crisis as a reason for limited government, so I suppose credit is due for consistency of approach.

  104. 104.

    oh really

    June 25, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    Minnesotans,

    Reclaim your reputation and dignity by voting this psychotic out of office when she’s up for re-election.

    They’re still busy trying to figure out how to get two US Senators.

  105. 105.

    asiangrrlMN

    June 25, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    “Keith Ellison says a bill with no public option is not an option.” “Keith Ellison says a bill with no public option is not an option.” “Keith Ellison says a bill with no public option is not an option.”

    Damn. The shame that is Michele Bachmann does not overcome the pride that is Keith Ellison.

    By the way, John, she IS that stupid. Really. So are the people in her district who keep voting for her.

    “Keith Ellison says a bill with no public option is not an option….”

  106. 106.

    maya

    June 25, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    If Michele doesn’t let the census happen in Minnesota, then how she ever know what the true population of this town is?

  107. 107.

    Kib

    June 26, 2009 at 12:00 am

    Not to downplay Bachman’s wingnuttiness, but in this particular interview, she came off as the more composed of the two. Unhinged much, Megyn?

  108. 108.

    bob h

    June 26, 2009 at 6:35 am

    What does it say about the people who send her to Congress? I’m guessing it is a somewhat upscale, professional, well-educated, high income district. When our elites are dumb as doornails, what does that say about us and our prospects?

  109. 109.

    jerry 101

    June 26, 2009 at 9:36 am

    on the positive side, maybe we’ll see a decrease in the census response rates in highly republican/wingnutty states/areas, leading to lower representation for republicans.

    Just as cities get screwed by the number of nonrespondents amongst poor, minorities, and semi-transient populations (those who move a lot, or who are homeless), now maybe some people out in the boonies won’t respond and lose representation. So, I (for one) cheer Michelle’s latest effort to reduce representation (and money) going into the furthest right areas of the country.

    Of course, if one of these wingnuts kills a poor census worker, then that price is way too high for a little political gain.

  110. 110.

    drillfork

    June 26, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    Ya, we are quirky here in Minny. I think it’s partly due to the weather, and partly due to the effort we put into acting normal.

    Random thoughts:

    I voted for Ventura. Jesse was first and last about Jesse, but that’s still way better than all the other pols being bought and paid for by corporate scum.

    First time I recall hearing about Bachman was when Bush was here in ’04 or ’05, and she would not let go of his arm. She is totally that stupid, and truly that crazy.

    Bachman’s is a hyper-gerrymandered district that contains the vast majority of this state’s loonies. It happens. If 30 percent of Kentuckians have a clue, it follows that 30 percent of Minnesotans don’t. She said something truly bizarre last fall, and as a result her challenger, Elwyn Tinklenberg (a decent fellow) made it a somewhat close race, but it was never in doubt.

    Ellison’s (Minneapolis) and Bachman’s (northern Twin Cities on up) districts may actually touch for all I know.

    Another Minnesotan: Fox morning propagandist Gretchen Carlson…

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    June 26, 2009 at 1:07 am

    […] John Cole from Balloon Juice agrees now: “…what she is doing should be seen for what it is- trying to whip people […]

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