This is depressing:
Asked if he has plans to run for public office, he replied, “I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.’”
He continued, “I believe he’s gotten me on this grassroots movement. If I can encourage leaders to step up, that’s what I would like to do. That’s a heavy role. That’s something I don’t know if I am prepared to do yet.”
But Wurzelbacher said he will keep that door open if God ever calls him to be that leader.
I was really looking forward to whatever campaign he would run, and even more looking forward to the Pajamas Media crew pretending he was a serious candidate.
Been a really banner day for the 2008 McCain campaign- all the Palin news, now this. Those guys showed some really excellent judgment, didn’t they?
SGEW
Smart guy, that God fellah.
[“So I was, like, talking to God and stuff, right? And I was all, like, ‘So should I run for President or whatever?’ And he was all, like, ‘No.’ Oh my God, I know! What a jerk, like really, right?”]
Rey
My question is what would Jesco White do?
Poopyman
Well, Sam knows that God can always change his mind. “I hope not”? Like he doesn’t have a say in it maybe?
OT, but Karl Malden has died. RIP Karl. Been a bad week for celebrities.
Laura W
I so totally feel his pain.
Every time I go to God with my deepest heart’s desires and beg him to give me what I want, he’s all like, “Laura, No.”
God totally sucks.
(SGEW and I are God-sharing, clearly.)
DaBomb
I wonder if the Lord told him to become an actual licensed plumber, pay his back taxes, and stop being a horse’s ass too?
Maybe God can drop 250,000 into his lap so he can really bitch about the tax increase that he hasn’t gotten yet.
What a moran!
Cat Lady
Depressing and pathetic. Our politicians and our media suck.
Edit: and JTP is a sad larry, not even worthy of contempt. He should just go home now.
Lesley
God is always, like, talking to the psychopaths and nitwits, saying yes, no, and maybe so. When he’s, like, not polishing his guns in his heavenly trailer.
ThymeZoneThe Plumber
Cheaper and easier to use the Magic 8-Ball. Plus the ball will not send you to hell for your thoughts if it doesn’t like the questions.
asdf
This is proof positive that there is no God.
If there were a God, she’s give us all a laugh and let this moron run for VP with Palin at the head of the ticket.
Comrade Stuck
It’s been a banner day for all sorts of stray nutbaggery. Personally, I think Joe is just playin’ hard to get, with his resume and popular appeal he could write his own ticket when the time’s right. Besides, Palin put God on hold last week, so divine direction is running a little thin right now in Greater Wingnuttia. It’s not hard to tell.
Ejoiner
OT but I need a little back up here: anybody know of a site with a good take down of Glenn Beck’s “Common Sense”? Family bought it for me to teach me the evils of my ways.
Warren Terra
So if God is offering career advice, how about some stock tips while God’s at it?
SGEW
The Wingularity will come when Samuel “Ex-Plumber’s Assistant” Wurzelbacher and Sarah “That’s Right, I’m an Elected Governor!” Palin finally meet, fall in love, release a sex video on the internet, and then reproduce.
Their child will be the Chosen One, the One True Wingnut, and shall lead them all to the Great Galt of Glory, where they shall have their guns and their bibles and will live off of moose flesh and cheetos and fresh drilled crude oil.
FEMA can come in and cart the bodies away after a week or so. It will be kind of sad, and we’ll build a memorial on the Mall for the victims, but the nation will probably be better off in the long run.
geg6
Wow. I think ol’ Joe the Not Plumber may have an itty bitty case of delusions of grandeur. Not because he thinks the FSM would ever stoop so low as to speak to him, but that anyone besides his mother would be clamoring to vote for him. Even my wingnut friends and colleagues think Mr. Wertzelbacher is a fucking idiot. Oh, wait. BOB would probably vote for him. So BOB and his mom. Good luck with that.
gnomedad
The only thing sadder than Republican Autoimmune Disorder is Sudden Presidential Candidate Syndrome. It has nearly run its course for JTP. Jenny Sanford may be next, and I expect to see some of the folks from the mud rodeo eventually.
Cat Lady
@SGEW:
WIN.
(the cheetos made me all LOL)
Josh Hueco
@Ejoiner:
What’s the book say?
kommrade reproductive vigor
God also told Monsieur Plunger Jockey that those jeans totally don’t make his ass look fat.
Andy
I’ve seen several comments elsewhere on this story, to the effect that this proves there really is a God. Actually, I think it proves God is a Republican. Because God (D) would be whispering, “run, Joe! For the love of, um, Me, run!”
Brick Oven Bill
I have consulted the Weatherman, The Weatherman says don’t bet against Joe.
Weatherman say: Joe very smart man, say out of elected office. Joe write of pizza. Joe beat Obama in debate. Joe make Obama shoulders shrug. Joe no go University.
geg6
SGEW: Dude. That is so full win. Fucking awesome. Spewed Pepsi all over the CrackBerry on that one.
DaBomb
@SGEW: And they shall The One, Calculus Isometry Moosehead III.
That’s a strong Wingnutty name.
Laura W
@kommrade reproductive vigor:
Ah man…I was all set to howl at a plumber’s ass crack joke there. Can you still work one in?
NutellaonToast
I love how religious people always let God tell them what to do. It gets rid of all that pesky self-evaluation and learning from your mistakes and what-not. Why think through the possible consequences of your actions when you can just ask the voice in your head that knows everything?
geg6
And right on cue, folks. BOB, you’re just too pedictable. Better trolls, Cole. We need better trolls.
Incertus
@geg6: Maybe he’s just having an off night. Even Pujols has a oh-fer every once in a while.
bvac
The bright side to this is the leaders that Joe is going to encourage to step up.
This is how realignments happen.
And it’s very good news for John McCain.
Starbursts, also.
Laura W
@Brick Oven Bill: Please tell me you are not gearing up to twitter. It’s a little stereotypical sing song “Asiatic” in tone and tempo, but I think you might be onto something there, Bill.
Andre
I’m still hopeful. I mean, it’s not like he’s well known for “doing the smart thing” in any given situation.
I’d say he’ll aim for a mayoralty first.
KG
[Context of this statement, I was raised Catholic]
You’ll get more (and often better) answers from a Magic 8-ball than you ever will from God.
NutellaonToast
Anyone who can tell me what the hell BOB is talking about wins a free Alannis Morissette CD.
I don’t freaking CARE if I spelled her name wrong.
KG
Leaving someone speechless because of utter stupidity is not beating them in a debate, it’s actually the exact opposite. And believe me, I’ve had a lot of times when someone has said something incredibly stupid and all I can do is shrug my shoulders and hope they don’t reproduce.
geg6
KG: As a fellow recovering Catholic, I couldn’t agree more.
gnomedad
And then, thou knowest, the LORD was, like, unto them …
ckennedy
What a colossal retard. I hope he runs too. I see a Bachman-Wertzleburger ticket . . .
El Cid
That is kind of awesome. Usually people make it out that when God talks to them, it’s more general, or maybe dwelling on abstract principles or parables.
But Not-Joe the Not-Plumber gets a much more direct answer:
‘Heavenly Father, I trust you will, I place all my trust in you, and as your faithful servant, I ask of you, should I involve myself in politics by running for office?’
‘No.’
‘Um, okay. That’s, uh, good. Thank you, Heavenly Father, I uh, huh, guess you didn’t have to spend a lot of time thinking that one over, huh?’
‘No.’
‘Okay, God, fine, \okay, prayer’s over, I get it. Later.’
Joshua Norton
“You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.'”
Lobotomy 9:11
PattyP
Wow. God’s, like, a surfer dude. Who knew?
Brick Oven Bill
The Weatherman was sitting in an empty field of sagebrush. The sun was setting and the sky was turning from orange to purple. The Weatherman looked at the ground and plunged his index finger into the earth. The Weatherman then shook his finger and the sand and silt made a small cloud, drifting towards the East. Then the Weatherman put his finger in his mouth, removed it, and thrust it into the air. The Weatherman waited one minute and said:
“Difference between Joe and Obama: Joe no need certificate to be assistant plumber.”
maya
Besides all this, there’s a major Marine offensive being launched into southern Afghanistan. I wonder if McCain gave them that top secret plan he had for capturing Osama. They sure could use it, I’m sure.
We need to pay close attention to this one. This could mark the rebirth of John McCain, 2012.
Anne Laurie
I genuinely wonder if the top-tier McCain staffers have their friends asking them, “Dude, WTF? Who was signing the checks for you guys? North Korea? Osama bin Laden? The Russian Maffiya?”
Because there’s ‘getting caught up in the excitement of the moment’, and then there’s ‘deliberately conspiring to destroy everything America is supposed to stand for’, and it’s beginning to look like Johnny Walnuts’ people crossed that line, intentionally or not, somewhere around August 2008…
PK
Brick oven bill
Are you off your meds again?
geg6
BOB, that’s plumber’s helper. You don’t need certification to be a plumber’s helper. Assistant plumbers are usually called apprentices, which is one step from being certified. Ol’ Joe apparently couldn’t pass the test for apprenticeship.
Cat Lady
@Anne Laurie:
Wouldn’t you love to be a fly on the wall for an hour at a Villager gathering this week? Especially if you could detonate a neutron bomb upon leaving, and then use your off the record dirt to torpedo any survivors in the Politico.
Linkmeister
I’m somehow reminded of Cosby’s Noah routine, but for the fact that Cosby’s Noah is way smarter than Joe-the-Plumber.
Svensker
@asdf:
Au contraire, mon ami! God gave us Palin on the VP ticket. You already got the emeralds, don’t go whining for the diamonds.
JK
MTV’s Real World: Wingnut Edition
Starring Sarah Palin, Michele Bachman, Mark Sanford, and Joe Wurzelbacher.
Goseph Gerbils
@NutellaonToast:
Do what I do: spell it Mmorrissette, then everybody knows you don’t care.
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
OT: Taibbi’s piece on Goldman Sachs is up here.
Demo Woman
Where’s red kitten.. It’s Canada Day and she should be here celebrating with us.
Punchy
Ugly Kid Joe hates everything about y’all.
SGEW
@Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse: Piracy!
aaarrr.
Fax Paladin
OT — GOP commentator on CNN.com: Franken’s win means we’re getting the evil commie metric system forced upon us! Run for your lives!
slag
That’s a much better response than I got.
When I talked to god, she was like, “WTF do you want?”. Then, I was like, “Fine! Be that way, asshole!”. And then we like never talked again. At this point, god and I are like frenemies.
oh really
For a Republican, he is a serious candidate.
Being a clown, buffoon, moron, or sociopath is pretty much the norm for political candidates, especially Republicans, these days.
I love DeMint referring to Franken as a “clown.” No, Senator, Franken was a comedian, you’re the clown.
Joe may deserve some credit, although he blames God for his decision, he may actually have realized that if he were to run he would simply have faced one humiliating experience after another. He probably watched Palin’s Couric interviews and it dawned on him that he didn’t know any of the answers either.
Roar
Ohio’s 9th
God had nothing to do with it, it would take more than a miracle for a Republican to topple Marcy Kaptur.
SGEW
@oh really: Technically, Senator-Elect Franken was a professional satirist and Senator Inhofe is a fool.
One made a living because of his comedic nature, the other makes his living despite his.
demimondian
@JK: And a wetsuit.
KCinDC
@PattyP, actually this only shows that Joe’s, like, a surfer dude. But Pat Robertson reports (wow, was that really 5.5 years ago?) that God is too.
MikeJ
That being the case, I’d guess drunk on cheap beer.
asiangrrlMN
@slag: Funnnnny. Although, I hate myself for knowing what frenemies means.
Isn’t his fifteen minutes up yet?
Brian J
I know it wasn’t entirely realistic, but I think “The West Wing” absolutely nailed this sentiment when it showed that it’s better to do what’s right (or what seems right) and then worry about the rest–in the case of the show, specifically, picking the candidate who seemed best for the job, regardless of what people thought was inevitable at the time. It wasn’t reflected only in his pick of Palin as his running mate, but there’s probably no better example of his habit of going for what seemed like a quick, easy solution.
slag
@asiangrrlMN: Funny that after all that blasphemy, the only thing I feel bad about was not including the word “totes” somewhere in there.
And his 15 minutes were up 15 minutes ago.
KG
@62: yeah, I’m still wondering what happened to the John McCain of 2000, I liked that guy a lot more than the one I saw in 2008. I suppose the ’08 model was the same as the ’00 but at times I wonder if the ’08 model was a result of the stupefying of the GOP during the Bush Administration. Or maybe it’s that we didn’t really need “serious” in 2000
LD50
Colbert has brilliantly pointed out that the US and China are in fact, frenemies.
Bill E Pilgrim
And when God spaketh to Joseph he was all like Dude, and Joseph was all oh rilly, and God was like yeah cause the country told me that it likes you but only as a friend, okay?, and Joseph was like oh gross at first but then he goes okay…
asiangrrlMN
@slag: WTF is totes? As in, tote cool (short for total)? The slang these days!
@Bill E Pilgrim: Ha! If the Bible read like that, I might actually read the thing again.
Esther was all like, “Ew! Haman is soooo gross.”
God was like, “Grrrl, just close your eyes and think of King Solomon.”
Then Esther was like, “Ooooh, King Solly is teh HOTNESS!”
Then God was all, “Yeah, so you go do your thang, grrl. Do it for your peeps!”
BethanyAnne
@asiangrrlMN: Which, of course, mandates a link to the LOL Cat Bible.
Bill E Pilgrim
OT, right on schedule, Reid says supermajority doesn’t mean we can stand up to Republicans, oh no! in fact it makes it harder to in some ways!
Paraphrased but I’m on mobile, story here
nytimes.com/2009/07/02/us/politics/02cong.html
Wile E. Quixote
@Laura W
Hey, you could write a book and call it “Are You There God? It’s Me, Laura”. What? You say it’s been done already? Fucking Judy Blume! That bitch is always stealing my ideas.
Wile E. Quixote
@Joe the Plumber
I spoke to God, I asked Him if I should run for public office and He said “No”, and you know what, I don’t care if He changes his mind and calls upon me to be that leader. Fuck Him! He had His chance and He blew it and if He comes around whining and crying and saying “I changed my mind, the door is open and it’s time for you to be that leader” I’m going to tell Him to fold it until it’s all pointy corners and sharp edges and shove it up His ass. Just because He’s God doesn’t mean that I’m going to be His bitch.
Wile E. Quixote
@Bill E Pilgrim
Bill E Pilgrim
@Wile E. Quixote:
Yeah, I mean I actually understand that all of the proclaiming that the number 60 now gives the Democrats carte blanche to pass anything they want is mostly hype, there are two out sick a lot and DINOs and lots of complicating factors.
However if Reid could at least pretend that he’s got the slightest will to try, rather than rushing to make it clear that he’s no more interested in stopping the party of no from sandbagging everything than he was before.
It’s called leadership, you create the will by standing up for it, rather than sadly explaining in a droopy dog voice how once again “we haven’t got the votes”.
Calouste
Have to concur with the other ex-Catholics here. Catholics don’t talk to God, they pray to him. And God certainly doesn’t talk back. Well, once every few decades he might have a message for someone, but even then he usually send and angel or so to bring the message across.
Saying that God talks to you personally sounds to Catholic ears as blasphemy and the summit of egoism and self-importance.
gsp
where was our fucking Happy Canada Day post, John?
tc125231
Yeah, God told Joe to work for a living, but he wasn’t listening….
MelodyMaker
God told me to do my own damn thinking. such a dick.
BruceK
How’s the line go from Dogma?
“If you actually heard God speaking to you, your head would explode. It took us five Adams to figure that out.”
Ah, if only.
Bill E Pilgrim
Direct quote from Democratic Majority
LeaderDenier Harry Reid in that NYT article:Photo this caption.
The jokes write themselves here, oy.
Svensker
@Bill E Pilgrim:
Ha ha ha.
Or, for Steve S.: My, that what was a very witting and amusing parody of what a conversation between God and Joseph would be like if imagined by Joe the Plumber. My heartiest congratulations on your erudition.
Dennis-SGMM
OT: Just when you thought that they couldn’t sink any lower:
Link
The offer:
Malron
Unless I’m reading this wrong, Joe the Plumber just claimed to be a community organizer.
Bob In Pacifica
Nice to know that God peppers his words with “like”. If I knew he said, “Ya know” and “what the fuck” then I’d pay more attention to the voices in Joe the Plumber’s head.
slag
@asiangrrlMN: Hilarious!
And yes, “totes” is “totally”.
BlizzardOfOz
@Calouste
It always annoyed the hell out of me growing up, people in my (Protestant) church/cult talking about their conversations with God. As a nonreligious person, Catholicism seems saner to me- there are a few crazy beliefs (transsubstantiation), but you can always read them on a metaphorical level, and plus they don’t seem to intrude on normal life much.
kabiddle
Sounds like God has told Joe tp to get active in a little community organising
henqiguai
@BlizzardOfOz(#85):
Dude, you don’t get out much, do ya’ ? I wasn’t raised ‘true’ Catholic, but even I remember such things as fish_on_Fridays and attempts to get even the public schools to kowtow to the church’s prohibited reading and movie viewing list.
But it’s been many many years; maybe things have changed.