It’s time to face the awful truth: the right-wing blogosphere’s reaction to Sarah Palin’s resignation has been disappointingly sane. There are two notable exceptions, however. First, we have Atlas Shrugs:
6:40 pm: The diseased and utterly morally left at work again (I talked of this very evil here, earlier this week) – photoshopping Palin family pictures here. Do you believe this represents America? (hat tip Dave)
Bear in mind, this is not the first time they have made fun of and photoshopped Trig. And these are not fringe blogs. These are some of the biggest blogs in the left wing blogosphere. (Wonkette, Tbogg, Firedoglake etc.)
[….]4:30 pm: My take? If Palin is anything like I think she is (know she is), Obama’s treasonous presidency is responsible for this. She, like all patriotic Americans, is shocked by what is happening. Obama is destroying this country. She knows it. We all know it. We need a leader. She is answering our call.
She did not quit. She is going to get into the fight to save America. Watch what happens.
This is a pitch perfect example of post-wingnuttery in that it stirs up all kinds of images but makes no actual sense.
And here’s Mary Matalin (via via):
Ms. Matalin joked that despite her own initial inside-the-Beltway reaction of surprise, shoppers at her local WalMart in the Shenandoah would be whooping “hoo-rahs” because of Ms. Palin’s continued popularity among conservative voters.
These are probably the same whooping “hoo-rahs” I heard in my predominantly Democratic neighborhood when Eliot Spitzer resigned.
jrg
Shorter Pam Geller: “I have no idea why Palin resigned, but I’m sure it’s Obama’s fault”.
The party of personal responsibility, ladies and Gents.
maya
T’was bloggers killed the beast.
Demo Woman
Why did Sarah resign and not David Letterman.
LD50
Considering that Obama’s popularity varies somewhere between 60%-70%, I marvel at the fact that possibly as few as 30% of Americans are ‘patriotic’.
freelancer
Also,
“Baghdad is just like any normal outdoor market in Indiana in the summertime”
and
via S,N! “The Department of Homeland Security’s report on right-wing extremism is the fascist blueprint to create a police state and legalize gulags”
john r
pitch perfect
http://www.redstate.com/erick/2009/07/03/a-few-additional-and-hopefully-final-thoughts-on-sarah-palin/
Rosali
Didn’t Ross Perot withdraw his candidacy in 1992 because he was afraid that some meanies were going to doctor some photos of his daughter? This was pre-PhotoShop, but same difference.
here4tehbeer
Extrapolating the amount of time she Served Her Country(tm) as Governor, she would have resigned as VPOTUS approximately 4.7 weeks after inauguration. Perhaps less.
here4tehbeer
This Page Left Intentionally Blank (because I erroneously double-clicked and therefore double-posted, making this look like a Fox Nation comment page. My apologies).
Comrade Stuck
There’s some Primo adverb fail.
I noticed that too in her doodling diatribe. It’s always shocking to see a person come undone on national teevee, especially when it’s you.
hal
“However, CNN Republican strategist Mary Matalin said she thought the move was “really brilliant” on Palin’s part, though she admitted she was surprised when she heard the news.
“Her delivery was incredible. If you’re a less charismatic person, you probably couldn’t pull it off,” Matalin said. “[Now] she will be freed up and liberated the way Mitt Romney is to raise money and get political chips by spending it and getting political capital. And she is still raising the kinds of crowds and money she always did.”
Oh Mary, I’m surprised you don’t choke on your own bullshit.
Demo Woman
Sarah is leaving the state of Alaska in order to make a bigger impact on the national scene. Her comments are confusing because on one hand her role as governor is so minor that she can just hand it over to someone else or maybe she recognizes that she is incompetent and it’s time to hand over the job to someone else. I was impressed about her comment that soldiers never quit though.
LD50
For 8 years the wingnuts gloated that us libs were wimpy and ineffectual and couldn’t get Americans to vote for us. Now that Democrats run Washington and us libs are apparently powerful enough to destroy governors, they’re still pissed off. I wish they’d make up their fucking minds.
Robin G.
There we go! Going Galt! Thanks muchly, John :)
Sloegin
Barring some thermonuclear scandal in the next few days, this’ll be ginned up quickly in the MSM as Caribou Barbie’s most brilliant strategery evah.
Glocksman
The comments over at ‘Atlas’s Juggs’ are frakking hilarious.
The only comments I’ve seen come as close to Peak Wingnut™ are the ones on my local paper’s site.
Because don’t you know everything’s Obama’s fault?
Martin
What happened to the pitbull with lipstick? So, Iran could defeat President Palin with some nasty photoshops of Trig? That’s what the right is supposed to rally around?
If only I could buy stock in Jon Stewart…
Dennis-SGMM
Because Letterman freely admits that he’s an entertainer?
mcd410x
Has everyone seen she misattributed the “MacArthur” quote? The more times you read what she said, the funnier it is.
mai naem
Was watching one of the MSNBC shows with David Shuster. He had Ron Christie on with Bill Press. Bill Press was doing a pretty admirable job talking about how there had to be another shoe ready to drop. Christie had that wingnut talking head Energizer bunnybot going. Apparently he thought Press was interrupting him. Wahhhhhh. God, it’s gotta be hard to be a wingnut talking head nowadays. I mean seriously how do you go from Jindal’s awful speech to Steele’s continuous verbal diarrhea to Rush’s shakin’ and bakin’ and then to move on to nothing stays in Vegas Ensign, then you have to go hiking with Mark Sanford followed by a Kristol/Schmidt foodfight and now Miz Sarah Palin doing her word salad thing again. Oy Vey.
me
How far is the Shenandoah Valley from the Appalachian Trail?
JK
If all Balloon Juice readers would just get radio transmitters implanted in their teeth, everything would appear as logical to them as it appears to Pam.
David Gergen nailed it tonight on AC360 (thank God they were able to spend several seconds discussing something else besides Michael Jackson) when he said Palin’s actions essentially translate into “When the going gets tough, the tough quit”
Thank you Sarah for continuing to make a horse’s ass out of yourself.
I hope someone will place a Palin English / English Palin dictionary on the Internet Archive so that people finding this speech generations from now will be able to translate it.
Bubblegum Tate
It’s no Atlas Juggs, but there’s some pretty good “we’re not worthy, Sarah!” (plus, of course, blaming Teh LIEbruls) crazy going on over at Blogs for
BushVictory. Some examples:Palin/Romney. Talk about a recipe for success!
Sarah Palin’s bizarre meltdown is great news for
John McCainSarah Palin!A duel to defend Sarah Palin’s honor? Honk if you demand satisfaction!
arguingwithsignposts
I don’t get how Matalin can spew such unadulterated B.S.
It’s like during the campaign – everything was Good News for John McCain. Now everything is Good News for Sarah Palin. “Her delivery was incredible.”
I’d agree. It was “incredible.” Incredibly insane!
JK
Sarah was a coward till the end, choosing to announce her resignation on a day when Stewart, Colbert, Maher, Letterman, and O’Brien were all on vacation.
sparky
@JK: wouldn’t that presuppose someone understands what she’s saying now? or, more accurately, that any assemblage of words she strings together have what we are pleased to call meaning?
paging Ludwig W!
Bulworth
I’m glad someone’s finally pointing the finger of blame where it belongs–Obama. Look, he’s already ruined that Sanford dude. Made him go all Argentina and stuff. Now this.
Maybe the Repubs can introduce articles of impeachment against the president for decimating the Republican Party.
Demo Woman
@arguingwithsignposts:
She was trained by the master, Cheney. satsq
JoshA
Palin went Galt?
JK
@sparky:
Somewhere there must be one or more linguistic scholars possessing the expertise to produce an approximate reconstruction of Palin’s speech into modern english.
Bob In Pacifica
Brad Blog reports that the fed investigation into her embezzling while mayor of Wasilla is coming to fruition.
Me, I think she’s going to be the Republic of Alaska’s next ambassador to Honduras.
lorri
@RobinG: Going Galt or going Joan of Arc? “Our brave, saintly heroine ignores hoots of derision and accusations of insanity and leads her warriors into battle against the
invaderusurper!” Maybe what Geller is fantasizing…Brachiator
@Bulworth:
I think that this is officially known as Going Gaucho.
geg6
What the hell is in the water that these Alaskan politicians are so into this petty embezzling? It’s never millions, which might be somewhat understandable. But it’s stupid shit like lumber or insulation or fucking grills. They seem to be willing to be bought for next to nothing. If I’m a politician looking to be bought, I’m setting the price pretty damn high, especially considering all the cash they stand to rake in from more legit stuff like vanity books for Regnery or speaking fees for wingnut organizations. Why would they be such cheap whores?
Dennis-SGMM
@Bob In Pacifica:
It’s certain that Palin has already hired someone to Google “No extradition treaty” for her and First Dude.
Brachiator
@geg6:
Dude, in deep winter in Alaska, lumber and insulation are more valuable than gold.
We’re talking about a place where, in the depths of winter, you can toss water out of a paper cup and watch it freeze before it hits the ground. OK, this may slightly be an urban legend, but still….
Marci Kiser
Wow. So according to the culture of victimhood on the right, Caribou Barbie is resigning because David Letterman was mean to her.
Of course, had she won the election, it’s not as if comedians and bloggers were going to sing her praises, so we can easily imagine some alternate hellscape where Vice President Palin is having to resign because David Letterman was mean to her.
With 72-year-old President McCain wandering around the White House.
And Nancy Pelosi potentially second-in-line for the Presidency.
And somewhere in this forsaken universe, Atlas Juggs is having so many simultaneous heart attacks that her implants are bursting like watermelons at a Gallagher show…
tammanycall
Now we know what Atlas likes to watch on tee vee.
Dennis-SGMM
@Brachiator:
You can tell how cold it is by how many times you have to snap off the frozen string of piss before you finish.
GregB
President Palin, Secretary of State Gellar wants to speak to you.
-G
JK
@Bob In Pacifica:
I hope Brad isn’t raising my expectations for nothing.
Cue noxious, bombastic opening theme music for NBC Nightly News
Brian Williams: Shocking news out of Alaska today with reverberations being felt in the nation’s capital. Former Alaska Gov Sarah Palin was indicted today on 6 counts of conspiracy to Yada Yada Yada and 3 additional counts of Yada Yada Yada…
In the words of Terrell Owens: Get your popcorn ready
WTF with Stuart Rothenberg: Palin’s resignation prevents her from demonstrating her competence. What fucking competence?
burnspbesq
So, with Palin apparently gone, or on hiatus, or about to be indicted, or … something, who slips into the role of Political Crazy Lady?
Bachmann is the obvious choice, but that’s too easy. Submitted for your consideration … Carolyn Maloney.
nodakfarmboy
@Brachiator:
I can actually vouch for the “water freezing before it hits the ground” trick. I’ve pulled it off a few times here in Nodak. It’s gotta be about 35 below, but you can throw a cup of water into the air (boiling, no less) and it freezes/flash evaporates into a cloud of fog and frozen droplets before it hits the ground. It’s actually pretty awesome. I highly suggest trying it out next time you find yourself with a temp pushing -40.
Joshua Norton
Carville must be great in bed. He’s obviously screwed her brains out.
JK
Sarah Palin quit because…
10. She’s moving to the lower 48 because Alaska is just too far from Glenn Beck.
9. After 30 months as governor, she’s cracking under the stress of protecting the U.S. from Russia.
8. She doesn’t want her tenure as governor to overshadow her experience as mayor of Wasilla.
7. She wants some time off to go hiking.
6. The Alaska state legislature wasn’t giving her time to go for her daily runs, and sweat is her sanity.
5. She’s training to beat President Obama in a marathon.
4. Because that’s what Joe Vogler would have done.
3. Maybe she was just jealous of all the attention Michael Jackson is getting.
2. She’s decided to run for President. Of Alaska.
1. There’s another shoe left to drop.
h/t Jed Lewison http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/7/3/749618/-Top-10-reasons-for-Palin-resignation
maya
Could Palin’s resignation be the terrorist attack Dick Cheney warned us about?
geg6
Brachiator: All I know is that I’m awfully glad I drank more beer than water when I used to go to Anchorage every few years to visit the ex’s brother there. I’m afraid I would be stealing Post-Its and Sharpies from the university and cackling about how I was getting one over everybody while the campus police would be packing my personal belongings and escorting me to my car.
J.D. Rhoades
FTW.
JK
Sarah Palin is a die hard LA Dodgers fan and wants to attend every remaining game on their schedule so she can see every one of Manny Ramirez’ at-bats in person.
mai naem
It’s not just any shoe that’s going to drop. It’s a $1000 Jimmy Choo shoe. Sarah ain’t no ordinary Alaskan whore. She’s an expensive whore.
arguingwithsignposts
@Joshua Norton:
There has to be some explanation for that unholy matrimony.
Incertus
@Demo Woman: Matalin’s husband is pretty good at it as well. I pity their children.
Erickson was relatively sane by RedState standards–low, I know–but his contention that Palin had been the most abused candidate EVAR!!! deserved a response, I thought.
Incertus
@nodakfarmboy:
If I ever find myself in such a situation, I’ll have to figure out who I pissed off, so I can kill that person.
Bubblegum Tate
I just saw this line from a Palin groupie:
Is that some sort of wingnut code? It’s certainly got a “the eagle flies at dawn” quality to it.
eyeball
There HAS to be a sex tape. it’s Occam’s Razor. A blackmail job. Hard to even know if they were trying to bury this on July 4 weekend, or just had to get it done before the video turned up on youtube.
va
My favorite part of the Atlas Shrugs 2k post was were P Gel sez “I NEED TO GET A HOLD OF THIS SPEECH”
And then apparently FOX cut the feed? I’ve seen people complaining in rightwing comments sections that FOX cut her off. I looked for video online and it seems like they split just as she said she was transferring power to the Lt Gov. What the fuck were they doing? Thought their audience just couldn’t handle it?
JK
Could anyone who actually received a passing grade in english composition write something as dazzlingly incoherent as Palin’s resignation speech?
gbear
It’s especially fun when you’re parking spot is 6 blocks away from the office. You can’t imagine how nice -20 feels until you’ve been thru one of those super cold snaps.
I’ve done the trick with the cup of water here in St. Paul. It’s pretty cool.
Steeplejack
@geg6:
I think it could be as simple as that the place is incredibly small, population-wise. I have a friend who lives in Fairbanks, and on the phone a few weeks ago we were talking about a computer problem she was having, and I said something like, “Well, I know you probably don’t have something like a Micro Center, but you’re bound to have a good computer store where you can find x.” It turned out that I thought Fairbanks has about 200,000 people. It has 35,000. Anchorage: 275,000. Juneau: 31,000. The whole state: 686,000.
So the whole state, huge as it is, has the population of three or four (backward) counties in [insert your state name here]. Hell, Rhode Island has 1,000,000 people.
So maybe the AK graft perspective is more on the scale of a
minor state legislatorcounty commissioner anywhere else. My theory, anyway.bago
@Brachiator: It’s not. It was done with gallon buckets in Fairbanks off of the top of the university all the time. Alright, it was in winter.
bago
@Steeplejack: Seriously, 75% of the state lives in Anchorage. Pretty much everyone else is an insane homesteader, local inuit, or working for an oil company at the north slope. Last time I was in Eureka, Alaska, there were four buildings. A repair shop, a gas station, a post office, and the hotel/bar/resturaunt/whorehouse. Bush pilots would literally land on the highway, pull up, and refill their tanks. About 300 miles out on the AlCan is where my dad’s truck broke a belt when it was 50 below. Got to have lots of fun playing with ice crystals spontaneously forming. Fortunately, someone came by and towed us 30 miles to the next town, and I am not frozen to death. Alaskans are actually socialists, carrying spare gear around to help the stuck, they just don’t realize it yet.
Incertus
@JK:
You’d be amazed at what receives a passing grade these days. It gets depressing some days.
cliff
@Incertus:
Erick Erickson:
http://twitter.com/ewerickson/status/2460994862
that doesn’t sound sane to me, not even a tiny bit…
nodakfarmboy
@Incertus:
I make peace with our harsh winters by telling myself that making it through the bitter cold helps me appreciate beautiful summer days all the more.
It was 80 and partly sunny, with a gentle breeze here today. I sat by the lake and drank beer. Heaven. :)
The Other Steve
You cannot spoof Republicans. No matter how bizarre you might think Mark Sanford is… Sarah Palin comes out and one up’s him.
And to think I thought Jesse Ventura was quirky.
Incertus
@cliff: I did say by RedState standards? Yeah, I got nothing.
cbear
Oh noes, does this mean there really is a Moosey Tape???
Somebody needs to get Larry Johnson on the case.
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
I think more than one shøe is going to drop. There’s the corruption with the contractor; I think some of the missing budget shortfall is going to arm militias to, if not actually secede, resist federal troops; It’s entirely likely that Blistered is pregnant again, and the “family doctor” Sarah supposedly spent 24 hours getting to after her “water broke” is going to let the cat out of the bag that Trogg is really her son…it’s a Perfect Shitstorm™ coming down the pike. (Maybe Wallow is pregnant, too!)
Ordinarily Occam’s Razor would demand that we theorize only one scandal, if that’s enough to explain the behavior. But honestly Sarah Palin is the most twisted individual that’s been in the public eye in my lifetime, and I think she’s been juggling so many crimes, lies, and scandals that the coming collapse is going to be the most beautiful political (and comic) event I’ve ever experienced. I can’t wait for the whole shøe store to drop!
JK
I don’t buy a sex scandal.
I think it’s a tape of Palin accepting a bribe or requesting a bribe
Maybe it’s a written order from Palin directing someone to falsify documents, solicit a bribe, or acknowledge receipt of a bribe
Or it’s some other evidence of Palin engaged in some sleazy financial sheanigans
AhabTRuler
shoe?
See, no worries. It’s only if you refer to more than one shoe at a time, as in a pair of shoe & shoe. Also, shoe.
And hoes. Yes, I had many hoes, and certainly more than one shoe. Could shoe become the new singular plural? A brace of shoe, a herd of shoe, millions of social shoe cavorting on the plain. Perhaps even shoe hoes, social shoe hoes, at that.
Fulcanelli
@The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge: I dunno, that “most twisted individual in the public eye” title to me, politics division, would have to be Tom “the bugman” DeLay. Did you ever see that documentary “The Hammer” ? He’s snuff out his cigarette on Machiavelli’s nut sack while skull fucking his kid’s puppy. The fucker was raw evil.
ChrisB
@Martin:
Good fucking question.
@JK: Yes, I liked it when David Gergen called her a quitter twice and found her statement, and I quote, “bizarre . . . illogical and incoherent.”
This after Ed Rollins called her a kook.
AhabTRuler
Nope. Lee Atwater. Not a politician, but visible enough. And a fucker.
Fulcanelli
@AhabTRuler: At least Lee Atwater played the guitar, a redeeming quality. He was a prick though, no question.
JK
@Fulcanelli:
Mike Huckabee also plays guitar.
@ChrisB:
It’s nice to see that some Republican pundits still have their compasses pointed in the direction of sanity. Even Michael Gerson said that Palin came across as a spoiled celebrity.
The suspense is killing me. I can’t wait to hear that Palin has been indicted on 4 or 5 corruption charges.
The cherry on top will be seeing St. Sarah take that wonderful perp walk.
JK
Has anyone heard or seen a reaction quote from Michael Steele?
cliff
@JK:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2009/07/sarah-palin-sean-parnell.html
Statement and News Release by Alaska Republican Gov. Sarah Palin, Wasilla, July 3, 2009
..snip..
Selected Accomplishments of the Palin Administration
..snip..
Statement by Alaska Republican Lieut. Gov. Sean Parnell
..snip..
Statement by Michael Steele, Chairman of the Republican National Committee
I plan on talking to Governor Palin very soon. She is an important and galvanizing voice in the Republican Party. I believe she will be very helpful to the Party this year as we wage critical campaigns in Virginia and New Jersey. I am certain this has been a difficult decision for her to step down as Alaska’s governor. She has been a good governor for her state and I wish her and the Palin family the best during this transition. ###
OriGuy
Here’s my hypothesis: Palin resigned so that she and Todd can spend all their time working for Alaskan secession. The explanation for her incomprehensible speech is that linguists working for the Alaska Independence Party have devised a new language for the Alaskan Republic. It uses English words with the syntax of Eskimo-Aleut languages. Sarah and Todd will be the First Babe and First Dude of Free Alaska.
Linkmeister
@JK: Hey now! We genuine Dodgers fans don’t want to be mixed in with the likes of her! We’re fanatics, not lunatics!
Perry Como
If it wasn’t mentioned before.
(brilliant service)
JK
@cliff:
Thanks for that link. Glad to see that Steele is staying on top of things.
@Linkmeister:
Given that this story is still developing, I thought it best not to rule out any possible explanation.
Palin is certainly giving Michele Bachmann a run for her money to claim the title as the craziest woman in the Republican Party.
Linkmeister
@JK: For tonight’s game, anyway, she’d have to be a Furcal fan. He was 4 for 4, while Manny walked and bounced out a couple of times.
Will
I think we need her, people. This isn’t good news for us. We certainly don’t want Mittens going into the convention unchallenged. That’s what it is starting to look like.
ppcli
I expect so. And in the last act, as all the 25 percenters are getting on a cruise ship to take them up to Alaska, one of the linguists who have been hard at work translating the Palin tome “To serve Americans” will rush up breathlessly to tell the voyagers “Its, its….a COOKBOOK.” But it will be too late.
ppcli
Also, what’s this “Only dead fish go with the flow” business? Is this Sarah’s way of saying that the whole family is heading upstream to spawn?
Mouse Tolliver
@mcd410x:
Yeah, she quoted a refrigerator magnet in her
GBTW postresignation speech and, apparently, randomly tapped the CAPSLOCK key while writing the official draft that now appears on her official web site.These little factoids have the white-hot LOLcat intensity of a thousand literal VIDEO versions!? of “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” Also.
Paul Begala’s HuffPo analysis is spew-from-your-nose-if-you’re-drinking funny.
TruthOfAngels
And now I know how Sarah Palin felt as the flames rose to her Roman nose and her Walkman started to melt.
Heh heh heh heh heh.
JK
@Will:
I’m convinced that anti-Mormon bigotry will prevent Romney from getting the nomination. No matter how much Romney panders to the religious right, I think a large number of them view Mormons with deep contempt and mistrust.
I think the 2 most likely scenarios for the 2012 Republican Convention are:
1) Dark Horse candidate that the MSM isn’t talking about right now. Barack Obama and Bill Clinton were not considered serious contenders early on. I think the Republicans will find someone who isn’t on the radar screen of the MSM once they see how weak Romney, Huckabee, Pawlenty, and Jindal are as possible nominees.
2) David Petraeus – Top republicans like McConnell, Cornyn, Boehner, Cantor and the RNC chair meet and conclude that all their possible nominees Romney, Huckabee, Jindal, Pawlenty suck and would be disastrous candidates against Obama. They launch an-out movement to draft Petraeus and he accepts.
JGabriel
+6
I know I’m gonna regret this in the morning, but I confess to posting this:
Evil Liberal Pagan Wiccan Abortionist Commie Gay Stem Cell Eatin’ ObaSlimeBot on July 4th, 2009 4:14 am :
Frank Kealty:
Frank Kealty, liberals LOVE Rush Limbaugh. For every conservative Rush encourages, a liberal angel gets its wings. Rush’s rhetoric is ugly, extremist, and every time he opens his mouth two moderates convert to liberal.
OH! WAIT! I shouldn’t say that!
Let me rephrase it: Oooh, you’re right! We’re sooo skeered! Please don’t let Rush talk no more! Don’t throw us into that briar patch! If Palin comes back: We’ll be full, full, full of rue!
Parah Salin:
Right. It’s a sabbatical. Next year, she’ll be governor again. That’s what ’sabbatical’ means. Grow up.
As a liberal progressive socialist stem-cell eating commie islamofascist Social Security lovin’ gay abortionist, all I can say is: I hope you’re right.
Nothing would give us more pleasure than Sarah Palin returning to the national spotlight for two months, just before the next election, to remind America of Republican family values.
OOPS! I was honest again. Shouldn’t do that.
Let me rephrase: Don’t, don’t, don’t throw us into that briar patch!
We scream – like the weaselly, rat-like, slimy-skinned, pathetic Gollums we liberals are – ‘Don’t throw us in that briar patch, WE CAN’T’S BEAR IT! GIVE US THE RING! GOLLUM!’
Parah Salin:
She really is. Absolutely. Also. That. Too. Your best hope – nay, the Great White Hope – is to nominate Palin for President in 2012. We liberals will gnash our teeth, rend our clothes, and wail in despair at such a prospect!
No! It’s too much to contemplate! Too much to bear! Barack Obama can never hope to beat such a brilliant, sophisticated, well-read, globally astute, family values candidate as Sarah Palin!
How can he hope to compete, with his belief in a 4.5 billion year old earth, against a candidate, Sarah Palin, who knows what EVERYONE knows – that the earth was created in 4004 B.C., on Sunday, the 21st of October, at 8:45 AM, just as Archbishop James Usher calculated from Genesis (King James Version) in the Annales Verteris et Novi Testementi in 1654?
We weep, disconsolate, at the very prospect of prospect of such a battle. Our women keen, like ancient Irish keeners, at the loss of our evil pagan liberal Wiccan warriors at the holy fundamental Christianist altar of Palin righteousness!
WE CAN’T’S TAKE IT!
Please, please, please, don’t throw us into that briar patch!!!
One really shouldn’t kick the weak while they’re down. Though, in my defense, I plead 8 years provocation under Bush & Cheney.
And, despite my agnosticism now, the Jesuit upbringing in me begs, “Forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned.”
.
JGabriel
+6
I know I’m gonna regret this in the morning, but I confess to posting this:
Evil Liberal Pagan Wiccan Abortionist Commie Gay Stem Cell Eatin’ ObaSlimeBot on July 4th, 2009 4:14 am :
Frank Kealty:
Frank Kealty, liberals LOVE Rush Limbaugh. For every conservative Rush encourages, a liberal angel gets its wings. Rush’s rhetoric is ugly, extremist, and every time he opens his mouth two moderates convert to liberal.
OH! WAIT! I shouldn’t say that!
Let me rephrase it: Oooh, you’re right! We’re sooo skeered! Please don’t let Rush talk no more! Don’t throw us into that briar patch! If Palin comes back: We’ll be full, full, full of rue!
Parah Salin:
Right. It’s a sabbatical. Next year, she’ll be governor again. That’s what ’sabbatical’ means. Grow up.
As a liberal progressive sociaIist stem-cell eating commie islamofascist Social Security lovin’ gay abortionist, all I can say is: I hope you’re right.
Nothing would give us more pleasure than Sarah Palin returning to the national spotlight for two months, just before the next election, to remind America of Republican family values.
OOPS! I was honest again. Shouldn’t do that.
Let me rephrase: Don’t, don’t, don’t throw us into that briar patch!
We scream – like the weaselly, rat-like, slimy-skinned, pathetic Gollums we liberals are – ‘Don’t throw us in that briar patch, WE CAN’T’S BEAR IT! GIVE US THE RING! GOLLUM!’
Parah Salin:
She really is. Absolutely. Also. That. Too. Your best hope – nay, the Great White Hope – is to nominate Palin for President in 2012. We liberals will gnash our teeth, rend our clothes, and wail in despair at such a prospect!
No! It’s too much to contemplate! Too much to bear! Barack Obama can never hope to beat such a brilliant, sophisticated, well-read, globally astute, family values candidate as Sarah Palin!
How can he hope to compete, with his belief in a 4.5 billion year old earth, against a candidate, Sarah Palin, who knows what EVERYONE knows – that the earth was created in 4004 B.C., on Sunday, the 21st of October, at 8:45 AM, just as Archbishop James Usher calculated from Genesis (King James Version) in the Annales Verteris et Novi Testementi in 1654?
We weep, disconsolate, at the very prospect of prospect of such a battle. Our women keen, like ancient Irish keeners, at the loss of our evil pagan liberal Wiccan warriors at the holy fundamental Christianist altar of Palin righteousness!
WE CAN’T’S TAKE IT!
Please, please, please, don’t throw us into that briar patch!!!
One really shouldn’t kick the weak while they’re down. Though, in my defense, I plead 8 years provocation under Bush & Cheney.
And, despite my agnosticism now, the Jesuit upbringing in me begs, “Forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned.”
ETA: Just so no one gets confused, I’m actually not: Evil, Pagan Wiccan, an Abortionist, Gay, Stem, or Stem Cell Eatin’.
I confess to being definitely Liberal, possibly Commie, and possibly an ObaSlimeBot.
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JGabriel
@hal:
Given Matalin’s ability to supress her choke reflex, Carville must have a huge fucking penis.
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JGabriel
@hal:
Given Matalin’s ability to supress her choke reflex, Carville must have a huge fucking p3nis.
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JGabriel
Bob In Pacifica:
Blumenthal reported the same thing. I hate to be a buzzkill, and I could be wrong, but given the epic ‘Oh Shit!’ caliber of Palin’s announcement, it hardly seems likely that local township level corruption is at the heart of her resignation.
I mean, it’s hard to believe that Palin would resign over the same level of shenanigans for which she’s already forgiven Ted Stevens.
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inkadu
I would just like to congratulate JK on coining the completely unique phrase “national comedy emergency.”
JGabriel
@geg6:
They don’t think of it as being bought. To them, it’s merely … wooing.
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Blue Neponset
Praise Taweret!!
I am going to sleep easier now that Sarah Palin’s national political career is over.
someguy
@ JK
Yeah, I can see how folks who believe in invisible people would be deeply skeptical of people who believe in invisible people + magical underpants.
JGabriel
JK:
You’ve clearly never spoken with stoned Gerard Manley Hopkins fanatic. It is obvious to the meanest intelligence that there is no way Hopkins could have come up with sprung rhythm while completely sober.
Still pretty fucking brilliant, however. And dazzling too. Also.
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JGabriel
someguy:
That’s completely mischaracterizing the difference between Mormons and Christians/Jews.
The real difference is that people who believe a man received tablets from God in Israel are rightly skeptical of people who believe a man received tablets from God in America!
Because they’re patriotic!
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JGabriel
@Steeplejack:
In other words, the entire state of Alaska has roughly the population of Charlotte, NC.
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JGabriel
Erick Erickson via cliff:
Trust me, Erick, no on wants to touch James Inhofe.
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WereBear
Myself, I’m leaning towards corruption scandal.
Which is something I believe she doesn’t really understand. Doesn’t everyone know one hand washes the other? It’s how the game is played… etc.
Oh, America. Wash out of sports broadcasting and still become a Governor.
JGabriel
The Other Steve:
On the night Jesse Ventura was elected, I sat drinking in a bar with a European diplomat laughing our asses off at Ventura’s acceptance speech, and a country that would elect him governor, like the liberal east coast traitor that I am.
Now, I marvel that it’s Jesse fucking Ventura who’s telling Republicans that torture is wrong, and that an ex-professional wrestler known for wearing boas while bald is smarter, saner, and more moral and ethical, than the party that represents the 1/3 of our country on the right.
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demkat620
@WereBear: Yeah, I’m going with corruption scandal and praying to god for a tape. Cause that would be awesome!
demkat620
And just as a bizarre and purely female critique, those s h o e s totally did not work with that outfit.
Sandals with a business suit. I think not.
demkat620
I got moderated for the word S H O E S?
pattonbt
My 2 cents (always damn late to the party living down under). This is about as shrewd a move that Palin could make……in the context of the world she currently lives in. What was really left for her in Alaska politically? Nothing. So why not go. She’s still beloved by the base so why keep holed up in Alaska where she has to work and do stuff and potentially be ignored? I mean, governin’ is hard!
She’ll move to DC or NY, get on TV and attempt to build herself up nationally. And she will get on TV easily, as long as the base loves her, equal time and all you know. The TV people will make her the next Sunday morning fixture like McCain. Good looking, telegenic and stupid. She is ideal. Little Miss Starburst.
She’ll still take the R nomination in 2012, even with her antics today, and get crushed in the general. But the freakshow will be awesome to watch.
Now if it is scandal or indictment that is the reason for today, well then all bets are off. But if it isnt and she is going for the golden ring, the next three years in the R party are going to be a sight to behold. Its going to make the D primary hissy fit look like an elementary school fight.
Get some popcorn and let the show begin.
Svensker
@demkat620:
Yes. S h o e is a banned word.
JK
@inkadu:
Thanks. I enjoyed watching Palin’s trainwreck speech, but something was missing without Stewart, Colbert, Maher, Letterman, and O’Brien being available to exploit it. I felt like I was watching a weak pitcher throwing meatballs directly over the plate, but all the home run hitters were on the disabled list.
@someguy:
As an atheist, I thought Romney’s comment that “you can’t have freedom without religion” was one of the most dickish things said by any prez candidate in the 2008 campaign. Ideally, I’d like to see him lose because people think it’s his ideas that suck and not his religion.
@JGabriel:
You’re correct. I haven’t read Gerald Manley Hopkins. I’d have thought that someone who attended 5 colleges might have absorbed something about basic writing thru osmosis.
WereBear
Her family didn’t know until they were standing there with the geese honking in the background?
Criminy!
If we wonder why Wingnuts never know which way is up, it might be from being raised in such a family.
JK
@pattonbt:
After having had a night to sleep on it, I think there’s an ethics scandal out there, but I have a gut feeling it’s more misdemeanor in nature than felony. I think Palin simply doesn’t want to answer any questions about it. She can duck unpleasant questions much more easily as a private citizen than as a governor.
As dumb as many pundits think her decision was if she plans a 2012 run, I bet she still has her heart set on a 2012 run. I think some of her people spun Andrea Mitchell like a top with that BS about her plan to drop out of politics.
I think Palin wants the nomination but doesn’t want to work for it. She thinks she can wait in the wings and people will be so uninspired by Romney, Huckabee, Pawlenty, and Jindal, that a groundswell will build for her to get in the race.
I don’t think there are enough Republicans dumb enough to vote for Palin, but I think she’ll extract concessions on the platform at the convention.
Blue Neponset
Rule 34.
Rosali
Huckabee is going to have himself one helluva 4th of July celebration.
grumpy realist
The Saracuda is probably dumb enough (and dislodged from reality) that she thinks she can resign from being the Governor (no fun any more, continued sniping from the locals, no money to pay for stuff, people are mean to her), waltz off into right-wing pundit land, blether for 1.5 years, then turn around and scoop up the nomination.
I think the powers-that-be are encouraging her in this, figuring that she’ll probably get knocked out immediately by Romney so they aren’t going to have to even shell out much $$ for this. And it’s certainly going to be much easier with her parked in a wingnut welfare position than to continue dealing with the constant drip-drip of messy little scandals emanating from Alaska. Hell, her supporters are dumb enough to vote for her no matter what happens….it’s the other 80% of the Republicans they’re worrying about.
Adrienne
@JK: Concessions? LOL. Have you read the Republican platform? It’s already a wingnut’s wet dream. Even with McCain as the nominee they had the most extreme platform so I don’t know what else they could put in there to possibly make it even more fringey.
Kevin
So much gold on Atlas. “She was amazing, this was a campaign speech”.
This speech wouldn’t win Miss Hawaiian Tropic. She was manic and all over the place.
Jay Severin Has A Small Pen1s
I’m starting the ‘It’s Mitt Romney’s doing’ on the conservative blogs. Help make the Palin people take their anger out on Romney by posting sympathetic posts for Palin that accuse Romney of smearing her.
henqiguai
@JGabriel (#90):
Um, JGabriel, it ain’t there no more. Or was that just a sinister trick to generate <clicks> from the unsuspecting ? Though, admittedly, I really did have to know WTF “stoptheaclu” was all about (and it turns out it’s all about abysmal ignorance and/or stupidity).
On edit: stupid editor won’t do right by my blockquote tags…
Lela
@LD50: I suppose if you stumped your big toe that would be Obama’s fault too. Sarah Palin quit because her huge ego made her quit. SHE wanted to quit. If she quits the governor’s job, what makes you think she wouldn’t do same if, heaven forbid, she lucked up on a presidency? Get a grip. Face it, this woman is simply not stable.
Objective Scrutator
Repent, liberals! Sarah Palin will be reincarnated as the Angel of Gabriel! There are several legal hurdles in the Bible that prevent those that receive taxpayer money from being chosen as God for His service. Certainly, Alaska’s Social!!!st history and proximity to strange foreigners further deter her from being called in to service.
However, the number of evildoers is on the rise. Comedy Central blares across the Big Apple and Newseum, constantly deriding good Republicans. Satan has begun to infiltrate the Republican Party _ now, we cannot tell who serves Our LORD and who serves the landscapes portrayed by Dante. (Witness Mark Sanford’s shameful affair with a single mother employed by the Nazi Argentinian government. Witness Michael Steele’s shameful proclivity towards gangster rap and vain repudiations of country club goers nationwide.) Sarah Palin, one of the few who is 100% certain to be free of the taint that affects Sanford and others like him, will be sheltered in God’s equivalent of the school bus in Duck and Cover!, the private sector. There, Sarah Palin shall engage in spiritual warfare against those who would seek to harm her, and spread the hopes and dreams of conservatism to all that will listen.
In due time, I predict that David Letterman will be executed by a swarm of Marabunta while speaking with Paul Krugman. This will, of course, be the work of Sarah Palin. Even the Republican Party will not be spared by Sarah Palin, for they are not interested in spreading conservatism and Christianity to the masses. As a private individual, Sarah Palin is legally allowed to receive as many financial contributions as she can stomach; since 99.9 (insert bar notation) of these contributions will be from Our LORD, she will certainly succeed as the Angel of Gabriel.
May Sarah’s sands warm our ancestors’ feet as they play at the beach.
jenmcb
Crazy Like On Fox — that is a really great headline!