Roger Simon, who recently informed us that Sarah Palin “held her own” in her debate (apparently by not drooling on herself), trots out the lamest piece of spin yet:
Sarah Palin is a sinner. She has violated several commandments and thoroughly deserves the savage beating that she is now getting from political mandarins and media elites.
She has done this by sinning, however. Let us list just some of the political commandments she has recently violated:
Thou shalt not surprise the media.
***Thou shalt not upset the pooh-bahs.
***Thou shalt pander to the few, not speak to the many.
Got it? In Simon’s starburst world, no one is wondering why the hell Sarah Palin has continued to quit every job she is ever elected to and opted to go fishing the last few days she is in office, all while refusing to call it quitting, refusing to explain why she is doing it, and refusing to explain what she intends to do. Instead, it is all just catty attacks by a surprised media who were caught off guard.
I’m a big fan of the “pandering to the few,” bit, because this gold-plated bullshit is little more than the notion that Sara is a real ‘Murican who speaks to the people, rather than just the elites. “She speaks to the people, not to the powerful few!” I’m nauseous. You can almost see Simon touching himself as he rushes for the front seat in the new and improved “Plain Talk Express.” This is why Dan Froomkin could never work for Politico and probably would never accept the job if offered- if he did, he’d not have enough time to write about anything other than his boss.
Christ. Can someone make a Blingee for Simon?
*** Update ***
A flashback. What you saw:
What Roger Simon saw:
Sarah Palin was supposed to fall off the stage at her vice presidential debate Thursday evening. Instead, she ended up dominating it.
She not only kept Joe Biden on the defensive for much of the debate, she not only repeatedly attacked Barack Obama, but she looked like she was enjoying herself while doing it.
She smiled. She faced the camera. She was warm. She was human. Gosh and golly, she even dropped a bunch of g’s.
“John McCain doesn’t tell one thing to one group and somethin’ else to another,” she said. “Those huge tax breaks aren’t comin’ to those huge multinational corporations.”
She went out of her way to talk in everyday terms, saying things like “I betcha” and “We have a heckuva opportunity to learn” and “Darn right we need tax relief.”
***But if people thought she was going to look like a dumb bunny for 90 minutes, they were disappointed. She said what she wanted to say, and she was so relaxed she even winked at one point. Really! An actual wink during a national debate, when she said she was going to try to get John McCain to change his mind about not drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
She even winked! Really!
Good God. I remember when we used to make fun of Pravda.
GReynoldsCT00
Meh, forget it, can’t figure out how to link halfway through coffee…
4tehlulz
I now have “I Touch Myself” from the Divinyls in my head.
Comrade javafascist
If only there were some way we could, as a society, determine what the will of the many was. If only there were some method of validating Palin’s appeal to the many. If only it were a national enterprise, featuring equal representation and voice.
For the want of a nail…
Xenos
Who are “the many” Simon is talking about here? I can’t read his stuff because nothing is ever defined or articulated in any way that allows for logical debate or anything like an honest inquiry into reality.
I don’t know how freelance propaganda became such an industry, but I guess it can be accepted when wealth becomes so concentrated that becoming a toady to the king, or what passes for royalty today, is a preferred business model for personal success.
Napoleon
Now if you want a columnist with a better take on Palin either Kathleen Parker’s or Maureen Dowd’s columns of today are what you should be reading.
gypsy howell
He does have a point about kowtowing to the media, but his point misses the point about Sarah Palin.
Ted the Slacker
Good stuff, I’m also very impressed that Nana Palin is able to decry the media intrusions into her life before going on holiday with her family only to grant every network request to interview her.
I guess that must break another media commandment, I must go read Roger Simon to find out which one.
IndieTarheel
Simon is nothing more than a court jester lacking self-awareness. Except that court jesters usually embedded uncomfortable truths in their schtick, and Simon wouldn’t know the truth if it starburst all over him.
El Cid
Poor, poor Sarah Palin.
Hey, maybe she’d like to take this back now — seeing as how she couldn’t handle her “actual responsibilities”.
Buncha worthless, country-hating shitbags, the whole lot of ’em.
Ron
@gypsy howell: I think Maddow made a great point last night about the media. Palin hates the media so much that she, uh…invited the media to Alaska to talk about why she’s not a quitter.
gypsy howell
@Ron:
Yeah, and I wasn’t aware of the fact that People Magazine apparently sets up photoshoots and puts people on the cover of their magazine without their permission. Who knew?
bob h
That Palin is discussed in these terms, taken seriously at all, is a sign of the degenerarcy and cretinization of our politics. We are a train wreck waiting to happen.
Jason
I don’t even understand who the audience for the Simon piece is. There are 700 comments though, so I think – between the Douthat piece and this one – that linkbait is pretty much the driving force in mainstream online journalism. I can’t think of another time in my life, for instance, when the response from the WaPo ombudsperson was ever expected or mocked.
dmsilev
Wasn’t Simon the pundit who, when presented with the results of the post-debate polls showing that most people thought that Palin had lost, said “they’re wrong”?
We need a Pundit Accountability Project. I propose a corps of people who will stand behind each pundit, and whenever they say something that is factually false or idiotic enough to make a 3rd grader roll their eyes, slap said pundit in the face with a large wet trout. It’ll probably take a fair number of episodes of fish-slapping, but eventually, the point will be made.
-dms
PaulW
Here’s an idea:
Palin’s resigned. Let’s stop talking about her and talk about things that, you know, ACTUALLY MATTER.
This goes for everybody. Sullivan, NRO, Wonkette, Digby, Mikey, Steve, and that guy in the corner. Yeah you! Just put the twitter away and no one gets hurt…!
kay
I’m going to look at the bright side. Palin bores the hell out of me, but as long as pundits are busy with Palin (like Sanford) they stay away from weighing in on substantive issues they know nothing about.
They completely missed the energy bill, and that’s a good thing.
We need another GOP governor to step up and distract them from health care. Maybe one of them will take a book deal in exchange for holding a crazy-ass press conference.
Woodrow "asim" Jarvis Hill
@Jason:
From the end of POLITICO’s leaked memo on how to write stories for them:
linda
man, i’ve been waiting for his write-up on her latest; and he did not disappoint.
there’s nothing more pathetic than middleaged men with high school crushes. simon is one of the creepiest of a very large collection of them.
SiubhanDuinne
John, I’m glad you titled this thread “Not Spoof.” I was reading some excerpts from the Simon piece over at Media Matters for America and at first I thought MMfA had completely missed the point and that the quotes from Simon were just an example of broad sarcasm. But then I read further and realized he was dead serious. (I had forgotten his ridiculous post-debate defense of Palin, so probably my spoof radar was malfunctioning.)
Napoleon
@linda:
Hey, are you talking to me?
At least I keep mine to women I actually know who are plausibly available
Scott
I propose a corps of people who will stand behind each pundit, and whenever they say something that is factually false or idiotic enough to make a 3rd grader roll their eyes, slap said pundit in the face with a large wet trout.
Most pundits like cold, wet, slimy things. I’d go with a large metal club. Or a bullet. That’d solve our pundit overpopulation problem right quick.
linda
@Napoleon:
well, your fantasy life isn’t being offered up as astute political commentary…. ;-)
Xenos
@Jason:
I think it may be Mika Brzezinski, or her producers, at least. I don’t know if beating up on Simon in the comments interrupts the propagation of misinformation, though. I wish it would. The Morning Joe producers have to justify their paycheck from GE each week, so I should not be so naïf.
DanJoaquinOz
Unfortunately, if somewhat predictably, Camille Paglia over at Salon spouts much the same sort of nonsense about St. Sarah – her allegedly triumphal debate performance with Biden, her unprecedented persecution by the “Northeastern Media”, her unfiltered authenticity, ad nauseum…
majkia
“Sarah Palin has continued to quit every job she is ever elected to”
If only we’d been that lucky and Dubya had done the same…
linda
just looking at the search results for ‘palin, wink’ and found this — a lego interpretation:
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/77141
Jennifer
Yeah, really!
I remember at the time being impressed that she didn’t flash her cooch at the national viewing audience, ala Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct or Paris Hilton emerging from a limo. All us feminazis know that’s how you ace the interview and get the job. I found her restraint in this particular to speak extremely highly of her dedication to being judged on her merits.
Xenos
@PaulW:
Palin does matter. She, and the political forces she is trying to unleash, present a serious danger to the functioning, even the survival, of this country. She is dangerous, and bears watching.
JK
Roger Simon is giving Dennis Miller a run for his money in terms of becoming the most repulsive and obnoxious defender of Sarah Palin
Dennis Miller explaining why liberal women dislike Palin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOeU24oWWV0
Napoleon
@linda:
The guys who seem to do that seem to be at least 5 or 10 years older then me which I think puts them in a demo where women in the work place in equal positions were a lot rarer, and I wonder if that factors into how they view women.
Little Dreamer
I hope the wingers keep her front and center, because non-wingers will never accept her as a viable choice for a presidential candidate knowing she couldn’t even fulfill her term as governor.
This is just how they’re going to continue walking in the desert. I say good on them. ;)
Jason
@Woodrow “asim” Jarvis Hill: Hmmm. How do you clean vomit off a keyboard?
El Cid
Sarah Palin won the debates in the same way that academic debate clubs are judged by how loud each team yells. You always win a debate by being loud, whining, dismissive, and avoiding any question you don’t like, and by questioning the genuineness and real American-ness of the questioner.
Cat Lady
As ridiculous and pathetic as the pundits have been through the start of the Palin nonsense, I keep coming back to John McCain’s Original Sin of picking her without vetting her. That was the single most irresponsible political act of my lifetime, yet there he is most Sunday mornings being asked to opine.
I’ve been praying to FSM that Steve Schmidt’s conscience is bothering him, because he REALLY doesn’t like her, and he’s presumably got the goods to drop her in her Naughty Monkey tracks. He’s got all of her emails, and her concession speech, because it was loaded in the teleprompter election night. And, she surely wrote that herself, because no one else on the campaign staff would have written it for her, knowing there was no way she would be allowed to speak. Just imagine the nuggets of fail in that thing.
Ash Can
I think we can write Roger Simon off on the subject of Sarah Palin. He has a crush on her, he sees in her what he wants to see and is blind to everything else, and he will say anything, no matter how blatantly ridiculous, to defend her. End of story.
And kay has a good point. While all the pundits are running around in a tizzy over Palin (and MJ), other, more important things are quietly getting done. Hillary (you know who she is; she’s the one who can teach Sarah a thing or three about being in politics) is getting Honduran negotiations organized, Obama is getting US-Russian relations back on track, Conyers has Rove on record and under oath on the subject of the DoJ, and it even looks like Senate Dems–even Harry Reid — might be growing a pair on the subject of health care reform.
Let the corporate media continue to wallow in the tabloid junk. If it means the pols can work with less distraction, it’s all good.
linda
@Cat Lady:
bingo. that john mccain would risk the security of this country by selecting her for his own political advantage is one of the most unforgiveable things he’s ever done. and he’s got quite the collection of assholery in his political life.
and that not one of the washington magpies — his true constituency — has bothered to remark on that.
Jay in Oregon
“Miller explaining why liberal women dislike Palin”
Liberal women — which I assume Miller intends to mean “feminists” — dislike Palin because the GOP held her up as some kind of feminist ideal (and tried to bolster their nonexistent feminist credibility; remember “W Stands For Women”?), when she’s nothing of the sort.
Also, she served as a lightning rod for sexist attacks from the left, which must have given the GOP a funny tingling in their pants when they rushed to her defense.
JK
McCain’s original sin was his decision to run for president in 2008. The idea of 70 year old, 4 time cancer survivor running for president was just plain nuts. Regarding his decision to pick Palin as his running mate, I hope he rots in hell for inflicting her on the nation.
kay
@Ash Can:
I don’t understand why Clinton doesn’t get more press attention. I think it’s really reprehensible. Part of “public diplomacy” is changing minds, and she can’t do that without any press.
They were more than happy to follow her around like rabid dogs when it was all blue dress jokes and pantsuits, but now they can’t be bothered to analyze her actual WORK.
If these Palin defenders were really worried about sexism and double standards they’d stop following Sarah and start following a powerful woman who actually does something.
anonevent
@Xenos:
fixed
Little Dreamer
@Ash Can:
This could only be the result of the Senator Al Franken effect.
Little Dreamer
@JK:
You are correct!
Cat Lady
@kay:
No titillation, no attention. They’ll sniff around Hill if Bill goes astray. BTW, what did they threaten Bill with to stay out of the news?
Ash Can
@Cat Lady: @linda:
I still think that this was a function of McCain not being in control of his own campaign, which was the original Original Sin of the GOP campaign. McCain had the VP pick imposed upon him, and like a good Republican submitting to the authority of his betters, he went along with it. That in and of itself was the kiss of death for his campaign as far as I was concerned — if the person whose name is on the ballot isn’t going to be the one actually calling the shots, then fuck that noise.
asiangrrlMN
@Cat Lady: Double bingo. McCain is still being treated like an elderstatesman who has something of worth to say on a subject, any subject. He may or may not have wanted Palin, but in the end, he was the one who OK’ed her. He should have had to suffer some recourse for it, but he didn’t. Just like Sanford should have been made to resign, but he wasn’t. It’s ok if you’re a Republican, and especially an older white Republican man (to cheat, to make bad decisions, etc). The list is endless.
Redshirt
Let us not forget: The continued deification of Palin by certain members of the Village is all for the good of the country, actually: Let the Wingnuts create their reality, and live in it, in which Sister Sarah is a brave maverick unfairly victimized by the evil liberal MSM; let them live that “reality” and hope it is enough to get Palin the GOP nomination in 2012 — an actual possibility!
Because with that nomination, the GOP will be finished. They will be routed in such a way as to finally bring down their rotted edifice — if such a collapse has not happened prior to 2012. The way things are going lately, that too is a possibility.
Little Dreamer
@Cat Lady:
They didn’t have to threaten him at all, they just had to buy him a copy of Air Fuck One.
Little Dreamer
@Ash Can:
Wrong, McCain talked about how he met and talked with her (for a whole 15 minutes) in a television interview. He decided she was helpful to the ticket and he made the choice. All anyone else did was find her and present her as a possibility. John McCain wasn’t solely responsible for headhunting the VP choice.
El Bandito Blancito
She has gone too rogue now, and we can’t come up with a word to describe it. “Mavericky” is too clumsy a description for her political savvy now, so I say think we need a new word.
How about “Lone Wolf of Wasilla” or “Mustang Sarah?”
There’s gotta be a better one out there….
Garrigus Carraig
My man.
geg6
Little Dreamer: and thus the reason we now live in The Al Franken Decade!
JK
@Cat Lady:
@asiangrrlMN:
Being a former POW means never having to say you’re sorry for choosing a criminally incompetent running mate and for accusing your opponent of treason by suggesting that he rather lose a war than lose an election.
Cat Lady
@Little Dreamer:
a/k/a Starbursts!
SGEW
Did you know who loved this article, by the way? MyIQ>u over at th’ Confluence. No, I will not link.
What happened to those people?
SGEW
Crikey. Camille Paglia at Salon is asked “Do you still think Sarah Palin is ready for the big stage?” Here’s a roundup of her answer:
?!?
Little Dreamer
@El Bandito Blancito:
How about Loser Palin?
Little Dreamer
@Cat Lady:
Any woman would do, starbursts were not necessary. Anything for the PUMA vote that was going to take them so far over the top.
Bwahahahahahahaha!
Little Dreamer
@SGEW:
NoIQ was insane long before Palin came along.
4tehlulz
>>Camille Paglia
Stopped reading right there.
Little Dreamer
@4tehlulz:
Me too. ;)
JK
@SGEW:
Camille Paglia has also offered high praise for Rush Limbaugh. She’s someone who has forfeited her right to be taken seriously.
El Bandito Blancito
@Little Dreamer:
Redundant terms never catch fire.
Ash Can
@Little Dreamer: I disagree. I’ve seen no evidence that this “interview” was anything other than McCain covering for the fact that he wasn’t in charge of the VP pick. On the other hand, it’s been much better documented that he wanted Lieberman, the people actually calling the shots told him no, and he acquiesced. I do agree, however, that he was at fault — big fault — for not putting his foot down and running his own campaign.
SGEW
@Little Dreamer: I was talking more about the crazification period that occurred between late 2007 and early 2008. But I think you’re right, and that MyIq was always kind of batshit insane.
IndieTarheel
@dmsilev: There is no problem that well-applied Monty Python cannot solve.
Little Dreamer
@Ash Can:
Well, see it how you want to. I do agree that he wanted Lieberman and was dissuaded from that. The funny thing is, Lieberman probably would have gotten more Dem votes than the Palin PUMA angle did.
A Mom Anon
Are these guys(Kristol,Lowry,Simon,etc)married? If it was my “dude”,I’d be more than a little annoyed at this knight in shining armor bullshit. It’s more than transparent,she’s fantasy material for them. It’s really gone beyond fucking creepy now. It’s not about feminism in the least and for them to pull that crap does not a damned thing to make it better for women in any arena let alone politics. If they gave a shit about women at ALL they’d be building a platform that gave a damn about us.
Little Dreamer
@El Bandito Blancito:
Well, whether it’s redundant or not, it’s still true. You’re looking at it from the marketing standpoint, I’m looking at it from the result of the ultimate truth.
:)
Urbaniak
Shorter Roger Simon: How is what Sarah Palin did any different than Bob Dole resigning his 28-year Senate career to run for President? Am I crazy?
Mary
@Redshirt: I agree that keeping Palin up front as the face of the GOP is extremely harmful to them and you just know that they know it too. They deserve every bit of their ruination.
Xanthippas
I don’t know about you guys, but lines like that are why I keep coming back to this blog.
Jay C
@4tehlulz:
Really – who, in this decade, would even bother citing Camille Paglia as an authority for anything? Especially the lame “I’m a Democrat” caveat she routinely attaches to so many of her self-absorbed pulings: which in Camille-speak merely means: “I’ll claim to be Democrat so I can rip them new assholes over each and every policy: but it won’t LOOK too partisan”?
Camille Paglia: still partying like it’s 1999….
gnomedad
Actually, Palin is nauseous. You are nauseated.
To be honest, your usage is also acceptable, but I had fun saying that. Also.
Redshirt
I am enjoying all of this so very much. Talk about a great change from a year ago this time, when it was all HILLARY!!! all the time, and I had serious doubts whether Obama would be allowed to take the Dem. Nomination.
A year later, peace and justice have been restored to the galaxy, and the party of evil undergoes one fail after another.
It’s great. Also.
Mike in NC
What’s in the Kool-Aid that he serves the Villagers at his famous BBQs?
Bubblegum Tate
That’s Mark Noonan’s masturbatorial hobby horse for this whole thing (he is, after all, going to run for Harry Reid’s Senate seat under the slogan “The People Versus the Powerful”). He’s got a truly hilarious wank up about it today:
Did you catch that his worship of Palin even extends to the First Dude? Yeesh. But back to the fantasy:
Mark clearly needs to set his imagination-sights lower. For example, start by imagining that Sarah Palin is competent.
Joe K.
Wake up people! Could it be more obvious? Palin is Going Galt. We need not expect a presidential run, or any other productive activity from her, at least until the end of the Obamanation.
OTOH she could probably achieve negative productivity if she actually ran…
feebog
I like this picture:
By all means, let’s bus down all 9,000 residents from Wasilla to Washington D.C. and let them crawl around on the White House lawn. Beer and moose stew for all!
Ash Can
@Bubblegum Tate: Wow, that’s so thoroughly fucked up I almost feel sorry for Mark Noonan.
Noonan has his own idea of what a perfect woman is, and Palin fits his blueprint. Fine. But then he goes on to claim that all women should fit this blueprint in order to be “real women.” And he implies the same for Todd Palin and “real men.” That’s not just asinine, since it’s so blatantly unrealistic, that’s authoritarian, which is at the core of today’s neo-conservatism. In addition, it reveals a fundamental interpersonal problem that many adults have, and not just right-wingers: he sees people as male and female first, and just plain people second. It should of course be the other way around. This may seem like a simple issue, but it’s a huge stumbling block in interpersonal relations, and dismally few people realize it.
noncarborundum
@Bubblegum Tate:
I already imagine W having done this, for (un)suitable definitions of “the right thing”.
kabiddle
Doesn’t all this quitting, not showing up remind you of the behavior of another governor that went on to become President for eight years? You’d think people would know better after the last eight years, but look at the opinion polls out today — the Republicans love her! After 50 years I’m beginning to think there is a deep flaw in the American character that is going to make this nation flame out after a mere 250 years. Not sure what it is, but we just seem bent on self immolation.
Faux News
B-Gum: Noonan is yet another wignut for whom the movie “Idiocracy” is a future documentary of the Triumph of God’s Own Party (GOP).
LD50
And if Palin got the 2012 nomination and only won 30% of the vote, Simon would STILL say she won over all the ‘real Americans’.
malraux
Bush was never really a quitter though. He was more of a “get daddy to bail me out” sort of person.
Though really the difference between Bush and Palin is that W. was born into the Bush family. Were Palin the grandchild of Prescott Bush, then there wouldn’t be nearly the difference in their political trajectories.
ChrisB
@LD50: Indeed. Why should the other 70% be allowed to vote?
Jason
I like how Noonan’s commenters are all mocking him or Palin (except for the Defender of Progressive Honor there, at the end). I mean, why wait for the mockery to trickle down to S,N!, alicublog, and BJ when you can milk that cow yourself? Soon liberal blogs will only be read by conservatives, and conservative by liberals, and nobody will likely notice the difference.
Nellcote
Can you imagine Camille Paglia interviewing Palin?
Zuzu's Petals
I’m sure the people of Alaska, who she WALKED OUT ON, appreciate that she is now “talking to the many” instead of “pandering to the few” of them.
IndieTarheel
OK, somebody help me out.
Is it:
Real Americans
Real ‘Muricans
Real ‘Murkans
or Real ‘Mherkins?
I want to make sure I get it right…
JK
@IndieTarheel:
Go with Real ‘Muricans
slavdude
Given the subject matter, wouldn’t a better title be “Not Spoo”?
LD50
@Nellcote: It will probably happen in 2012.
Tehanu
he sees people as male and female first, and just plain people second. It should of course be the other way around.
No, no. He sees males as people; women are something not-male, ergo they are not people.