And a thousand quips were born:
DAVID BROOKS: You know, all three of us spend a lot of time covering politicians and I don’t know about you guys, but in my view, they’re all emotional freaks of one sort or another. They’re guaranteed to invade your personal space, touch you. I sat next to a Republican senator once at dinner and he had his hand on my inner thigh the whole time. I was like, ehh, get me out of here.
I can’t tell you how much I hope it was John Kyl or John Cornyn.
This is just the strangest mental image in the world… two “straight” and powerful dudes wearing suits and sitting at a fancy dinner party, one with his hand inexplicably placed on the inner thigh of the other for two and a half hours and everyone else awkwardly pretending not to notice.
How did he cut his food with one hand embedded in David Brooks’s crotch?
Please FSM let it have been Santorum.
There’s something wrong with Brooks for allowing the Senator to do that. That is unless Brooks swings that way.
Golly, that is just downright unbelievable.
Next you’re going to tell me that GOP senators have a proclivity for seeking sex with anonymous men in public restrooms, or get their jollies while wearing diapers…
Sounds to me like Bobo might be exaggerating. he certainly didn’t mind when I touched his thigh!
I’m thinking Mitch McConnell.
What I want to know is why BoBo left the hand there the entire time. Heck, most women know what to do when there’s unwanted contact like that: Push the hand away with a stern, “Do you mind?”
Maybe deep down, he didn’t actually mind…
::damn near chokes to death laughing::
I’m just glad I didn’t have a mouthful of beer when I read this.
Interesting that Brooks chose to name the party of the senator… I’m starting to think it would be easier to count the GOP senators who DON’T have ‘interesting’ sex lives…
A Mom Anon
I’m not sure which is more disturbing,that the Senator thought he had the right to do that or that Bobo let him do it if he didn’t want it done.
Creepy,unless it was all consensual. That aside,WTF did Brooks feel the need to share this?
General Winfield Stuck
Jim Demented. Nah I’m changing to Ted Stephens. In any case, Brooks is angling for lantern light Neck Tie Party from the faithful if he keeps giving up wingnut secrets like this.
You rock John Cole. Another gem sure to liven up Friday evening blogging.
They really are creepy bastards. Either that or that Senator was so blasted he thought it was his own leg. Nah, I didn’t think so either. Brooks is kinda hunky though.
In a “shooting upward” kind of way, of course. Ye Gods.
OK, now where the hell is B.O.B.
This is his pet issue.
Maybe the meal was all finger food…
“Hey David, could I interest you in swinging by my place afterwards for a drink, two wetsuits and a dildo?”
Must have been close quarters. I’m guessing a booth at Applebees.
Eatin’ good in the neighborhood!
General Winfield Stuck
The. Whole. Time. Senator, is that a Pulitzer in yer pocket, or are ya just glad to see me?
Dancin’ Dave can ask McCain about it on sunday.
Look, David Brooks was honest enough to say it was a Republican Senator (he could have just said ‘Senator’ and left it at that). This is really weird behavior, even if it were Olympia Snowe or Lisa Murkowski groping him. My guesses are 1) Lindsay Graham; 2) Mitch McConnell; or 3) Tom Coburn.
Um, I think this is how realignment happens.
My money’s on Lindsey Graham…
I don’t know which is creepier, the senator doing this or Brooks just sitting there. Unless, of course, …
Next on Fox: Democrat molests David Brooks. Oops, did we say “Democrat”?
That was hilarious and profoundly creepy at the same time. As to guessing who it was, I’m torn between Jeff Sessions and Jim Bunning, as both fall into profoundly creepy territory.
I’m still wondering why he would allow someone to place their hand on their inner thigh for an entire evening. I mean even if it was a hot woman, I would still feel a little uncomfortable (or frustrated.. not sure which). Then spinning it as emotionally needy? Really Bobo? What happened later that night? :-)
I wonder if Bobo was frustrated too?
This is the best news I’ve ever heard.
“All night”???? Did they not teach poor Bobo about “bad touch” in elementary school?? Seriously!
It sounds a lot more like a classic case of “Don’t!! . . . Stop!! . . . Don’t! . . Stop! . . don’t . . stop . . don’t . stop . don’t stop, don’t stop, Don’t Stop!
Either that or he was bringing new meaning of the concept of the ‘inside scoop.’ Way to tee one up for Friday afternoon frivolities.
Two Words – David Vitter
Oh, b-o-b!!!! Here’s your cue to tell us once again how Al Franken touched you on a lunch line. This time please tell us, where.
And then the senator told Brooks:
“You sure do have a purrdy mouth”
I can’t imagine having any man put their hand on my inner thigh underneath the dinner table, no matter what the occasion, without me blurting out “WTF do you think you are doing?”
Let it be Ihhofe, Please FSM let it be Inhofe.
Am I the only one who thinks this is kind of really hot?
@AhabTRuler: FTW My starbucks is now dripping from my keyboad.
@John Cole: How many people can you imagine doing that to you without saying anything. I can’t imagine that you are quite as easy as that!
ETA: actually, realignment brings up another logistical problem. Did Brooks’ junk remain in the same place for 2 1/2 hrs? Were there awkward hand touches when he had to shift it? Did the Senator replace his hand after one of them went to the can? How in god’s name can anyone have their hand on someone’s thigh for an entire dinner without it being mentioned at all?
…Mitch McConnel…fer sure!
Have you ever seen a Republican Senator? Yes, you’re the only one who thinks this is hot :)
Has to be Lindsey Graham, but he’d never come out. He would be kicked out of the Air Force Reserves.
My money’s on Steve King. That guy’s some kinda world-class fucked up.
@John Cole: I think Bobo thought it was the “invisible hand” in action.
and he had his hand on my inner thigh the whole time. I was like, ehh, get me out of here.
But Brooks suffered through the ordeal so he could maintain journalistic access.
General Winfield Stuck
King Thinks he’s a Senator, but he’s not, luckily for the country.
This one’s for Bobo:
The Tubes; Don’t Touch Me There
File this one under “Burkean Balls”
This is clearly excellent news for John McCain.
@General Winfield Stuck:
My idiocy didn’t merit your pleasant politeness, for which I thank you doubly.
Actually, I can kinda imagine some guy with a power trip doing that just for laughs, in the frat house dude sort of sense. There’s that story that went around (don’t know if it’s true) that GW would fart loudly in front of new white house interns to see how they’d react.
Congratulations, you’re in very select company
Glenn Thrush’s Blog, dependablerenegade.com, rawstory.com, transcosmic.com, Althouse, and The Political Carnival are the only other blogs running this story according to memeorandum and technorati
Kudos to Kathleen Hall Jamieson for being the only media critic I’ve seen this week to say the media went overboard with their Michael Jackson coverage.
Thousand quips, huh?
Pretty sure WordPress is gonna simultaneously take a dump and projectile vomit around 300 or so.
Also Supplementary Stimulus Package, Constituent Service, and Schwing
For some reason, this story makes me think of this album cover.
@PeakVT: #40 – You are absolutely right. It’s access. Interesting that he was willing to say Republican Senator. For years I’ve had my money on Orin Hatch being in the closet.
I don’t blame Bobo for letting the guy keep his hand on this thigh…but he never should have let the guy dress him up diapers after the dinner.
And then asked, “Davey, do you like movies about gladiators?”
For some reason, my gut feeling tells me that it’s a Southerner.
I gotta go with one of the western state Senators: Kyl, Barrasso, Enzi, Hatch, McCain, or maybe the ever popular Crapo.
These guys are all avid outdoorsmen, and fishing for trouser trout at the dinner table is a time-honored tradition among your western goopers.
No, McCain’s safe. His war injuries prevent him from raising his hands above your knee.
I hope Brooks has a change of heart and eventually spills his guts. I wish it were John McCain. It would serve that bastard right for running a slimy, McCarthy style campaign and choosing a moron for a running mate.
General Winfield Stuck
Could just be the reflex of reaching for a worm.
Can Brooks really be sure it was a hand from the Senator next to him and not a shoeless foot from the Senator across the table?
There must be a seating arrangement chart somewhere.
Rick Santorum. It would be frickin sweet if it was Rick Santorum.
Being a republican, at this point the odds are very good. They’re a regional party with a few holdovers from the old days left elsewhere.
It must’ve been Kyl. Cornyn strikes me as more the tongue in the ear type.
Followed by: “…have you ever been in a Turkish prison?”
@oh really: Cornyn strikes me as the type that watches “Madmen” for dating tips.
Mr Eagle Scout, Jeff Sessions from the bastion state for repressed gheys, Alabama
He probably likes it a little “dirty” too.
I guess, if you want access, you have to give access. Brooks sure loves giving access. I wonder if he he parted his thighs just a bit as well. haha.
Yeah, um, Tom……. you’re probably not aware of all internet traditions, BUT, using the words sweet and Santorum in the same sentence—or even the same paragraph—is kind of a no-no. At least for those of us with tender sensibilities.
This was obviously Lindsey Graham. Which doesn’t make me laugh nearly as much as the fact that all the times I’ve called Bobo a media whore, I was being literal without even knowing it. Jeebus. I can’t even believe he’d admit to this and not realize that people would wonder why he allowed it. No straight man I know would sit there and allow it. Senator Somebody Else’s Pocket Pool would get decked.
Edited for accuracy.
Now I understand why Brooks gets access to so many politicians. If you want favorable coverage from the Washington Post it costs a couple of hundred grand, but you can get it from Brooks for a handjob. Good value, really, as long as it isn’t your hand.
Interesting that people seem to believe it could have been almost any of the Republican senators.
Who have we missed? Judd Gregg?
@JK: For all the obvious reasons, I’d love for it to have been Santorum. It was probably Larry Craig. Touching Brooks is very risky behavior, and Craig had long ago crossed over that line. Brooks feels safe enough now to tell the story, and if the Senator were still serving he would feel himself at some risk. So are current Republican Senators going to be looking at each other with increased speculation and suspicion?
Shhh. Don’t ask, don’t tell.
There’s more to come on this, and no mistake. The Devil is once more a’risin’ in the Republicans’ small tent.
Countdown to Brooks’s comments jogging a talkative person’s memory in 5…4…3…2…1….
The Tim Channel
Shot over the bow telling the senator to keep his hands off David’s junk. Dog whistle politics press to power style.
David, this is a doll. Can you show us on the doll where the Republican Senator touched you?
Considering what it takes to get elected, yes, politicians are highly likely to be emotional freaks. The average person doesn’t crave attention and/or power that much.
It’s either Ted Stevens or Liddy Dole.
@The Tim Channel:
Yes, whole new meaning to the term, junk bonds.
I bet Brooks felt used, violated, exploited, and… oh, wait: NYT columnist/TV pundit. Never mind.
Ella in NM
I must say, it’s particularly apparent on this thread that most of our BJ commentors should be writing comedy scripts–they’d be frigging gazillioniares.
David Brooks asks “why do all these homosexuals keep sucking my cock?”
kommrade reproductive vigor
When questioned, the senator claimed there were a lot of big reporters around and he didn’t want to become a statistic.
Rumours of Chaos
1. Based on Mr. Brooks’ writing, the GOP senator may have been under the impression that Brooks is an ambitious media whore who would write, say or do just about anything for a member of the establishment.
2. That Brooks let the senator’s hand remain on his thigh indicates the senator was not mistaken in his impression regarding Mr. Brooks.
3. That Brooks is publicly bragging about the experience is further confirmation that the good senator was correct in his assessment. It is also good advertising for Brooks’ services. Competition must be pretty fierce. Friedman has that whole ‘suck on this!’ thing going on for him.
I think every Republican Senator should be asked whether it was him. If they have nothing to hide, they shouldn’t mind being asked.
There’s a difference between which Senator you think did this and which one you hope did it. I think in all likelihood that this was Sen. Graham. I hope it turns out to be Sen. Coburn.
The GOP needs a new theme song – I say they go old school and roll with this.
This story is going big, and Brooks will have to come out with a clarification. The whole evening will turn into a few moments – figure of speech thing, you see.
Since, it is rather ludicrous to assume a man would leave another man’s hand in his groin for over two hours, unwillingly.
Six or seven of them would admit to it, and we’d be back to square one.
You could probably do some research and find out every Dinner Brooks has attended publicly with a Senator sitting next to him. Can’t be that many. Now, if it was a “private” dinner at someone’s house, that would be different.
Musical Tribute to David Brooks and his senator
Hoochie Coochie Man – Muddy Waters
In the Christian tradition, they could stage a Last Supper tableau, with Brooks in the Jesus role. One after another Senators/ Disciples would approach Jesus/Brooks, and say; “Was it I, Bob?”
As we all know, the one that kisses him is toast and Brooks/Jesus, will say unto him, “Thou hast said it.”
The fundies should love it.
You guys do know that Cornyn is a confirmed bachelor?
I wonder why he put up with it and did not get himself out of there. This happened to a friend of mine, except that the person with the hand on her thigh was her professor and she was right towards the end of her PhD. She felt humiliated and ashamed because she was powerless to do anything about it.
Why on earth would a NYT columnist want to keep quiet about the name though?
Wow Steve, someone at Kos is stealing your material.
Because he doesn’t want to lose access.
We must get to the bottom of this act of piracy.
My money’s on Mitch McConnell.
Gee, I was taught that’s what all those extra forks were for!
Almost certainly one of the god-botherers, like Santorum or Coburn. Fundies always want to put their hands on you, like it makes their half-wit ramblings more compelling if they have a fistful of your flesh.
So that’s what they call it now: Access?
Imagine what bobo isn’t telling us. what’ll it be next, gerbils? Oh. no wait…
And I thought having teenagers was bad enough, I can’t keep up with these guys. Christ, my life is so boring by comparison, being all vanilla hetero and all. Sigh.
MICHAEL THE NARC-ANGEL
Millions of little members of the worldwide F.F.A. (Future Followers of the Antichrist) have finally learned how to find a certain part of their lower anatomy and quickly touch it while dancing – thanks to Michael Jackson, the highest paid Lower Anatomy Toucher of all time! Special thanks also go to the Jesus-bashing, Hell-bound Hollywood moguls who were just as quick to see higher profits in lower anatomies! [Just saw this opinion on the web. Other grabby items on MSN, Google, etc. include “Separation of Raunch and State,” “David Letterman’s Hate, Etc.,” “Tribulation Index becomes Rapture Index,” and “Bible Verses Obama Avoids.” – something for everyone!]
I was actually hoping it would be Larry Craig or Graham.
Fortunately for the Republican Senator in question the whole meal was “off the record” so reporting who it was is not possible.
I hope there was no human sacrifice at that dinner, because ya know………………its off the record.
The senator was waiting for dessert which he had hope Bobo would say’ Hey suck on this”
I cannot believe this was filed just under Republican Stupidity. What about Burkean Balls and Burkean Belles?
I am way too late to this party, but have to put in my vote for Jim Bunning — because the only explanation other than Bobo loving it is his attributing the “gesture” to mid-stage dementia and therefore being too polite to say anything.
But I hope it was Inhofe.