This thread over at TNC’s is all kind of win because it is such a ridiculous topic, but I find myself unable to avoid comment. Let it be known- mayonnaise is delicious, and miracle whip is a petroleum byproduct. I’ve thrown sandwiches from a deli out the car window after I have had a bite and tasted miracle whip when I asked for mayo.
Miracle whip is not a food product. It is a chemical.
JK
John,
This begs the question, Dijon or Grey Poupon?
Blue Neponset
Amen!!
Bring out the Hellman’s or die!
Kris
LOL that was hilarious.
MBSS
spoonful of fake mayo covered in msg and hfcs. Delish!
om nom nom nom…
General Winfield Stuck
They’re both maggot gaggers imo. I’d as soon belly up for some pig slop.
Laura W
Duke’s.
Stock up now and $AVE!
Comrade Jake
I hate to break it to you Cole, but mayo’s made of chemicals as well. Lots of them.
In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find too many food products that don’t consist of chemical piled upon chemical. It’s kind of the result of living in a world made from, well, chemicals.
That being said, Miracle Whip sucks ass.
anonevent
Can’t stand mayo. Would rather eat miracle whip. Then again, I also drink caffeine free diet dr pepper.
John Cole
@Comrade Jake: What are you talking about? Mayonnaise is egg yolks, olive oil, salt, pepper, lemon, and some other stuff. It isn’t chemicals at all.
Hellman’s may be chemicals, but mayonnaise is, well, real food. It’s just super bad for you and will kill you dead if you eat it more than once a month.
Comrade Jake
@John Cole:
You really want me to break down the chemical composition of eggs for you?
AhabTRuler
Yes, but who makes their own mayonnaise? This book uses the making of mayo as an analogy, as if it is an everyday occurrence, and yet I have never known anyone to use homemade mayo.
So I seriously want to know, are there people out there who make their own mayonnaise?
ruemara
as a person who can whip up a delicate tarragon lemon mayonnaise or a delectable honey-vanilla whipped cream, I must concur. I’ve always hated mayo, whipped cream and butter. Then I learned how to make all this “banal” stuff. WTF are americans eating and why do we accept that as food?
btw, if you can make whipped cream, you can make a fresh spring butter that’ll almost simulate orgasm. almost.
Keith
I wasn’t aware Miracle Whip vs. mayo was a black/white issue. I grew up in the deep South, where it was more of a North/South thing (or maybe rich/poor…I dunno), although I grew up on mayo, as my mother didn’t believe in artificial substitutes (to this day I won’t touch MW, Cool Whip, margarine, or artificial sweeteners, but their real-life counterparts are fine).
ruemara
@AhabTRuler:
that was some serious universe answer kismet.
ellaesther
@John Cole: (I believe he’s considering the big picture, along the lines of “all of life is chemicals” sort of thing. But far be it from me to speak for Comrade Jake. He appears to be able to handle himself quite well).
And hey! I commented on that thread on Friday! So I really AM in an echo chamber!
Thank God. I don’t like what I’m hearing out there in other parts of the internet.
Oh, and yes: Mayo – yay! Miracle Whip – booooo!
AhabTRuler
@Comrade Jake: At one of my undergrad colleges one of the chemistry instructors loved to take potshots (no pun intended) at the “chemical free” dorms/hallways.
Will
Preach it, Brother Cole! Hallelujah!
MBSS
there has got to be some sulphur in eggs
Nellcote
There were times growing up when the only thing we had to eat was peanut butter and miracle whip sammiches and that’s because mayo cost so much more than miracle whip. So while I wouldn’t touch it now with a ten foot baguette, it holds a certain nostalgic charm.
Olive oil in mayo? ewww, olive oil has an overpowering flavor unless that’s what you’re going for.
Josh Huaco
fxt cuz it wont let me use the strike tags
Brendan
I’m reminded of that old Far Side cartoon where a displeased Patrick Henry is standing up at the dinner table. The wife says something like “For crying out loud, Patrick sit down. And enough with the “Give Me Potatoes or Give Me Death” nonsense”.
When people say “This isn’t real mayonnaise/chicken wings/cheesesteak/America”, they’re simply saying this isn’t the _____ that I prefer but with drama.
I don’t understand how all this flourish and moral conviction keeps slipping into the BBQs I attend. It must be my friends.
I’m not interested in people’s opinions on the Chosen Mustard. I don’t care that someone finds Miracle Whip too sweet and Will Not Negotiate. Settle down. The condiments didn’t mean to hurt you. Don’t buy/use what you don’t care for.
Oh, and pass the dijon mustard. My burger is dry.
General Winfield Stuck
@AhabTRuler:
Don’t know. But if there are, I say we form a posse and run’em out a town.
MikeJ
Uhm, it’s not really that hard, you know what’s in it, and you can make all the fancy dijon mayos (to go along with the dijon ketchups).
Quick, easy, tasty, what’s not to love?
MBSS
i get the hellmans sheep jizz free. less calories and i’m watching my figure.
General Winfield Stuck
@Josh Huaco:
and monosulfidioxioalphanitrite
ruemara
I don’t what miracle whip is and I do know what Hellman’s is. None of them are real mayonnaise. Don’t knock it until you try it, it’s a world away from that crap.
Comrade Jake
@AhabTRuler:
My father was probably your chemistry professor. He used to start the semester by taking a straw poll of how many students would eat a pile of chemicals.
Of course, my father also used to give students points for spelling their names correctly on exams.
John Cole
@ellaesther: LOL. I’d argue TNC is the best least-exposed blogger out there. He just doesn’t give a shit what people think and says what is on his mind, even if it is silly stuff like this. I find it boggling he is at the Atlantic, because he is a real person.
MTmofo
Miracle Whip is white ass-juice.
JK
Mayonnaise Fun Facts
In Western Europe, mayonnaise is often served with french fries
Japanese mayonnaise is typically made with apple cider vinegar or rice vinegar and a small amount of MSG
Mayonnaise is very popular in Russia where it is made with sunflower seed oil
Chile is the world’s third major per capita consumer of mayonnaise and first in Latin America
In Australia, sugar is added to mayonnaise by most manufacturers and vinegar or lemon juice omitted
h/t Wikipedia
Laura W
Death Penalty Wars.
Mayo Wars.
I can’t handle the dizzying juxtapositional nausea this blog induces some days. (Could be my Frito dinner causing the queasiness, granted.)
What’s on teevee tonight? Is “Hung” back?
(Yes, it is.)
bago
@General Winfield Stuck: I believe that word ends with amirite?
John Cole
@AhabTRuler: Yes, there are. I have made mayo on a number of occasions. I can also make hollandaise, because let’s face it- it isn’t that different from mayo. And in either case, they don’t rally use exotic ingredients.
I generally don’t keep mayo in the house, so it is usually easier to make it from scratch than it is to buy a thing of mayo that will go bad before I use it again in three months.
All in all, I am a mustard kind of guy.
Halteclere
I love a good dollop of mayo, especially on burgers, but have begun substituting mustard instead (I’m always on the lookout for new mustards to try) to try to cut back on the fats. But every once in a while I’ll make an 85% (i.e. not lean) beef burger and add mayo for a decadent meal. Yum!
Speaking of burgers, why can I never find exactly 1lb of ground beef at the grocery store, and instead always find 1.2 to 1.3lbs? All my recipes call for multiple of 1lb, and I’m always having a little extra left unused, or mismatched proportions.
Comrade Jake
Coates’ is arguably one of my favorite blogs right now. The guy is definitely the real deal.
MBSS
japanese mayo sounds great. a lil apple cider vinegar to add a dash of tartness to the eggy delight. i’ll have to try some.
KRK
Miracle Whip is a miracle; it says so right in the name.
And, dude, it’s pretty sad that you can’t just stand by your opinion but instead feel the need to make stuff up about what you don’t like. “Petroleum byproduct”:food opinion:: “traitor”:political opinion.
I kind of doubt you’re whipping up real mayonnaise at home. Everybody’s pet emulsified mayo, Hellman’s, changed their formula a few years back to be sweeter, like MW.
Edited because I see that you do whip up real mayo at home. Bully for you. But then why pick on Miracle Whip when you know that’s not what the TNC post & comment war is about?
John Cole
@JK: In Germany, pomme frites with mayo. Cept the mayo is kinda runny. Still good.
JenJen
Huh. In my house we grew up calling it “Miracle Grease” and even as kids we hated it, but mom kept dishin’ it up.
@John Cole: I’ll blame it on mom that I never developed a taste for any kind of mayo, but I have to admit I loved that Deutsche pommes frittes mayo-like stuff. Mmmm. And those cute little plastic tridents you use to spear them, so your fingers stay clean.
The Grand Panjandrum
@John Cole: And if you don’t make you own mayo fresh you are a punk as bitch who would eat shit with a dirty spoon! So there, motherfuckers–bring it on!
cufford
I love miracle whip!
But then again, I love bacon cheeseburgers too!
MikeJ
Every time I’m stuck in Schiphol for hours on end, I gorge myself at the Vlaamse Frites stand. Mmmmmm.
MBSS
never seen TNC before.
funny guy.
Violet
Mayonnaise all the way. Hellman’s is my mayo of choice. I won’t touch that nasty Miracle Whip. Ick.
@AhabTRuler:
Yes, there are. The first time I ever heard of it was from my high school Chemistry teacher. We were doing some lab assignment and she told us that with just one small change we’d have mayonnaise. I think the entire class collectively gagged. Then she made this “You people are so stupid and uninformed” sound, with accompanying facial expression, and told us she made her own mayonnaise all the time and why anyone would buy their own when they could make it so easily was incomprehensible. Then we all remembered that she was our teacher and reponsible for giving us our grades, so we kept our “that’s disgusting” comments to a mumble.
She was this little old battle axe of a chemistry teacher. I’ll forever remember her in her oversized white coat, safety mask pushed up on her head, making her white hair stick out in all directions, while she angrily defended the making of mayonnaise at home to a bunch of disinterested teenagers. I had to ask her a question about the lab assignment on mayonnaise day, and when I went up to the front of the lab room, she was still grumbling about mayonnaise and how we didn’t know a good thing when we heard about it. She told me I should go home and tell my mom to stop buying mayonnaise and learn to make it.
SIA aka ScreamingInAtlanta
@Laura W: I watched “Hung” by default and surprised myself – I loved it!
Re Mayo – try canola mayo from health food store – it’s good and good for you too!
Josh Huaco
Agreed. I enjoy watching him genuinely struggle with issues and confront his own doubts and faults in the process. He also does it much more earnestly than Sully does.
The Grand Panjandrum
@John Cole:
I appreciate the fact that he’s not always trying to be the smartest kid in class. He might well have been, but he isn’t always trying to prove that he was.
ellaesther
@John Cole: Well, I’m duty-bound to argue that I, am, in fact “the best least-exposed blogger out there,” but if you’re going to only count people who have actual, you know, impact n’ whatnot? Why then yes, I’d have to agree. I really, really love him. He is forever writing these really smart and emotionally honest sentences that I wish I had written first. Damn him and his eruditeness!
But, back to the subject: My mom used to make mayonnaise! But I didn’t like it. Because I was a punk-ass kid, that’s why.
KRK
WordPress messed up my analogy punctuation in #37. I meant to say that throwing around a baseless “petroleum byproduct” criticism in a food opinion is comparable to throwing around “traitor” in a run-of-the-mill political disagreement–both over-the-top and empty.
JenJen
@Laura W: New “True Blood”, new “Hung” (I think only the second episode, right?), and season premier of “Entourage” (meh.)
The Grand Panjandrum
Oy! John I didn’t mean YOU personally in that polemic above.
Cain
I just get the stuff from Trader Joe’s. Pretty yummy. (or make my own, but I don’t usually do that) The irish like to eat their fries (chips) with garlic mayonnaise.
cain
JGabriel
MTmofo:
Everyone has to bring race into it. Can’t we all just get along?
.
robertdsc
I don’t like mayonnaise, but I prefer it over Miracle Whip by a country mile.
Hammy
What? You mean you don’t keep your mayo in the fridge for a year or more?
For me, it’s Hellman’s or nothing. The olive oil one doesn’t taste as good as regular Hellman’s.
tcolberg
I’ve made an effort to use varieties of mustards in place of mayo due to the health benefits, but I still keep a jar of Best Foods (a.k.a. Hellman’s) Mayo with Canola around. Frankly, I prefer the Canola version now over the “real” version as the real version is now just too rich for me.
My dad grew up poor and so was raised on Miracle Whip. When I was growing up, we always had a jar of real mayo and Miracle Whip in the fridge.
Oh, and I’ve made mayo on occasion for when I make salad dressings.
As for dijon mustards, Cook’s Illustrated recently did a comparison test of dijon mustards and Grey Poupon just beat out Maille’s dijon.
John Cole
@tcolberg: I just buy the generic dijon at the store, since I am always just using it as a base anyway.
Dustin
Who makes their own mayo?
Well… I do. And butter, whipped cream, sour cream, cheese, mustards, pickles, corned/dry-aged beef, and beer. None of it’s that hard to make. It just takes more effort than grabbing something that looks like food off the shelf and calling it good.
Also, home-made olive mayo’s the shit; no other condiments necessary.
JK
Slightly OT
Has anyone seen either of these documentaries Food, Inc or
King Corn?
I haven’t seen either, but have seen interviews with the filmmakers and both sounded very worthwhile and informative.
Ash Can
Miracle Whip blows dead goats.
Drowning in a Sea of Red
In my home growing up you would get a punch in the throat before miracle whip, but grandma loved the stuff. She also put margarine on her PB&J’s(fantastic you should try it one day).
JGabriel
Drowning in a Sea of Red:
Gag.
However, peanut butter on English muffins is shockingly good.
.
ellaesther
@Drowning in a Sea of Red: Oh, absolutely! I do that to this day. It’s a like a treat: “Oh, hey, I know — I’ll put margarine on, too! Wheee!”
If I have potato chips in the house (which, my children will sadly report, I rarely do), those go in, too.
Yes, I am a foodie, why do you ask?
Fern
It is true that Miracle Whip is petrochemical byproduct, but I never liked mayo either – until I accidentally ate a sandwich with home-made mayo, and I have to say it was not bad at all. But Hellman’s still sucks. Also sour cream, by which I was traumatized as a young child.
Though I do make an excellent buttermilk dressing that has a little mayo in it (just to thicken it up a touch).
Comrade Jake
@The Grand Panjandrum:
Otherwise known as the “Ambinder” complex.
John Cole
@Drowning in a Sea of Red: Margarine is equally horrible as Miracle Whip.
Laura W
@SIA aka ScreamingInAtlanta: I watched Hung because people here were hyping it. I was really bored with the first 25 min. or so….very slow. The last 15 picked up enough to engage me.
Also, I way over-identified with the poetry chick. That would totally be me, reading Rumi aloud in bed, parsing out all the deep meanings and complex symbolism, while the guy is rolling eyes next to me thinking: STFU and Fuck.
Mister Papercut
Baconnaise, you sunzabishes. Baconnaise.
JK
OT
David Kessler discusses his book The End of Overeating at Politics and Prose bookstore in Wash, DC
http://www.booktv.org/Watch/10588/The+End+of+Overeating+Taking+Control+of+the+Insatiable+American+Appetite.aspx
BookTV rules
Kris
@Comrade Jake:
Otherwise known as the “Ben Smith” complex. Gawd that guy just oozes of “I know and read everything and you know shit.” Ugh I hate POLITICO.
John Cole
@Laura W: As a male who is now over the age of 18, I can assure you there are ample times we are just lying there thinking “STFU” and nothing else.
MTmofo
@JGabriel:
Heh! I knew I should have modified ‘white’.
AhabTRuler
@John Cole: Margarine has a couple of legitimate uses, like when you need a “butter-like” substance with a higher smoke point, or for its room temp consistancy…but otherwise is not acceptable, and especially so for toast or corn.
These days I mostly stand around at parties and think “STFU,” but then, these days I am not trying (failing?!) to get laid.
Laura W
@John Cole: Shorter John Garvin Cole:
“Enough foreplay, let’s get cracking!”
Colonel Danite
When I was a kid, I actually became a fan of Mexican mayo made by McCormick. It has a lime flavor that’s weirdly tasty.
Also, I can’t believe no one has yet waxed poetic about the wonders of BACONNAISE. I’ve decided that if I ever want to kill myself, I would sit down and make a meal of a jar or two of this stuff.
EDIT: I guess I type too slowly. MP brought up baconnaise
Violet
@JK:
Saw “Food, Inc.” a few weeks ago. Very good. Very depressing. The large, agribusiness trust should be broken up. What happens with our food and where it comes from is just scary.
Grow your own if you can, but you’re still probably getting genetically modified food.
Skepticat
John, I cannot tell you how surprised and disappointed I am to discover that you’re a litterbug. Fortunately you now have a portable disposall to handle such problems, and I’ll bet Lily won’t complain about miracle whoop–or at least will be happy to eat around it.
Comrade Jake
@Kris:
I’ve managed to avoid Politico almost entirely. I just don’t find anything there interesting in and of itself. If they have a “scoop”, it’s usually dissected by any one of a number of other blogs I read.
My daily read is BJ, Sullivan, Coates, Yglesias, TPM, and the Washington Monthly.
BCHS 1980
John,
Are you sure you’re from WV? I didn’t even know that mayo and Miracle Whip were separate concepts ’til junior high!
I tend to agree with the commenter that said that many black/white things are actually North/South things (I’d add the rich/poor axis as well). A good example was the end of TNC’s post where he mentions Kool-Aid, a staple at my house growing up.
My wife & I still stumble across things that remind us how different our respective childhoods were. Hers was as an Italian in Syracuse; mine was as trailer (well half-trailer half built house) trash in central WV.
Just caught your follow-up. In my house margarine was referred to as butter.
Mac
Seriously, I don’t know how anyone can eat that stuff.
“Enzyme modified egg yolks”?
JGabriel
Comrade Jake:
Really? However hard Ambinder’s trying, he’s failing.
Can someone please point me to something, anything, worthwhile written by Ambinder? He reads, to me, like one of the most generic of the the mediocre Villager voices; I’d really like to understand wherefore the fan base?
.
John Cole
@Skepticat: Foodstuffs aren’t littering, and I have one of these
in my car for trash.
JenJen
@John Cole: Best sex-n-poetry scene ever is in “Bull Durham.” Doesn’t really work for me in that film, either.
Comrade Jake
@JGabriel:
In fairness, I don’t think that was all that fair to Ambinder. I’m not convinced Ambers has a pulse.
He does post good stuff from time to time, but it’s completely different from Coates. As opposed to introspection or whimsical stuff, Ambers on occasion will have some insight into a situation that nobody else does based on people he speaks to regularly. He had a post awhile ago on the Sotomayor pick with all kinds of insider info.
That being said, I think his fan base mostly consists of people who read Sully’s or Coates’ pages and get bored.
Kirk Spencer
I make mayo sometimes. Makes a lot more than I want to eat, so not very often. I also frequently make my own mustard, and the quantity is a lot easier to control. I like ketchup but buy it – I have better uses for home grown tomatoes, and store bought don’t do well at all.
D-Chance.
And I’m sitting here with a tuna salad with FAT-FREE Miracle Whip in it (15 cals tbsp vs 70)…
I think it is a Southern thing; hated Hellman’s or any other “mayo”… it had to be MW or you threw it all out and just went with Mustard (French’s yellow, dammit).
burnspbesq
@John Cole:
TNC almost makes up for Megan McArdle. But not quite. The Atlantic still has some penance to do.
General Winfield Stuck
birds and lizards need to eat too. The rest is fertilizer.
JGabriel
JenJen:
None of you have ever heard me recite Andrew Marvell’s “To His Coy Mistress”:
Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love’s day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges’ side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.
But at my back I always hear
Time’s winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv’d virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave’s a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.
Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am’rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp’d power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.
.
Dustin
Re: 79
OK, I’ll go there. What non-hyped, scientific, evidence-based reason do you have for the blanket slam on GM food? You do realize that modern techniques are nothing more than a refinement of millenia old standard farming/husbandry practices, right? Yes there’s room for error, but there’s more of a need to distrust GM food any more than there is to distrust vaccines. In both cases most of the opposition is social meme and personal emotion based, not backed up by science.
Don’t fall into the same trap.
b-psycho
Meh, I like both. Only thing I don’t get is why jars of knockoff Miracle Whip say “salad dressing” when no one of this planet puts Miracle Whip — OR Mayo for that mattter — on salad.
JK
@JGabriel:
I don’t hold Marc Ambinder in high regard. He pretends to be non-partisan, but he falls for every rt wing talking point under the sun. He blasted the DHS report on the threat of rt wing extremists and he praised those stupid tea parties.
Drowning in a Sea of Red
Yes John margarine is vile but on a PB&J it’s great. Also anyone ever eat a fried egg on your pancakes?(Don’t cook the egg to much cause the yolk substitutes the syrup).
Betsy
@AhabTRuler:
My high school bf’s dad used to do the same thing about “organic” food. “As opposed to what? Non-carbon based food?”
Colonel Danite
@ b-psycho
Actually, mayo is used as a base for many home-made salad dressings. My wife and I used to frequent a Chinese restaurant in Salt Lake city that used mayo with a little vinegar and ginger as their dressing on the house salad.
b-psycho
@Fern: I used to hate sour cream too, until I went to this mexican restaurant awhile back that had some w/ more emphasis on the “cream” than on the “sour”. THAT kind was actually tasty on stuff.
For some reason I can’t find that kind at any grocery store. All they have is the nasty, runny, overly sour kind.
Betsy
Also, I think both mayo and miracle whip, cool whip, etc. are all fucking disgusting and I don’t know how anyone can eat them.
But then, I also don’t like sour cream, yogurt or cheesecake, so I recognize that my opinion on creamy foods is suspect.
chopper
@Comrade Jake:
jesus, you sound like one of those PR commercials for the chemical industry.
as to making your own, yeah. its great. then again, i make my own almost everything when i feel like it.
its a great science experiment to show kids emulsification.
JGabriel
Freudian slip there, leaving out the “no”?
Anyhow, GM isn’t something I worry about a lot, but even I know this argument is bullshit.
A) Genetically modified foods aren’t extensively tested in blind trials with placebos, as most vaccines and drugs are, so the safety of GM foods really isn’t scientifically validated or confirmed.
B) GM foods pose a much higher risk of systemic failure if something goes wrong. A vaccine or drug will affect only those who have taken it. Genetically modified food can enter the entire food supply and ecosystem in complex ways that can be difficult to anticipate, possibly magnifying the affects of any disastrous modification and making it difficult to wipe out or ameliorate.
.
gex
@Nellcote: Please, please tell me that those are peanut butter sandwiches AND miracle whip sandwiches, not PB and miracle whip sandwiches.
chopper
@Dustin:
i wouldn’t consider putting genes from a jellyfish into corn or spider genes into goats or some similar wackness to be merely a ‘refinement’ of standard crop breeding or animal husbandry.
crossing two similar cultivars is one thing. mixing DNA from two different species or animal kingdoms is kinda different.
AhabTRuler
Fair ’nuff, but if you try to take away my “Enzyme modified dairy solids,” you will pull back a bloody nub!
chopper
@JGabriel:
right.
this also is true. when you start adding wacky genes to crops you raise the chance that those traits will make their way into other, non-GM crops (we see this already with roundup-ready crops). if there ends up being an issue with a byproduct of that that genetic material it can have a wide-spread effect.
Colonel Danite
@ b-psycho
Mexican “crema” is not sour cream. It’s actually closer to creme fraiche. So, you can feel free to continue hating souring cream
YellowJournalism
@JGabriel: PB on waffles and french toast will rock your world.
I can’t stand mayo as a condiment on something, but won’t hesitate to use it in cooking. There are some great cake recipes with mayo as one of the ingredients.
Betsy
@John Cole:
Agreed. And his posts about history give me hope for the world.
chopper
@b-psycho:
it might be the equivilent of creme fraiche. you can make it yourself. add about 2 tbsp of buttermilk to a cup of cream and cover and let sit 8 hours to a day at room temp. then refrigerate. its like yogurt but made with cream.
thicker and less tangy than sour cream. good as hell.
JGabriel
chopper:
But don’t you think the way our eight-legged spider goats skitter is kinda cute?
.
Bill H
@b-psycho:
I’ve always wondered the same thing. I keep telling the grocery store manager he has the mayo and Miracle Whip in the wrong place and he keeps looking at me like I just crawled out from under a rock. One of these days he’s going to throw me out of the store.
They also have Fritos Corn Chips under “snacks,” when any idiot knows that is a staple.
Dustin
Freudian slip? No, but apparently wordpress on the blackberry Opera client can show the edit screen while also refusing to actually submit edits. Quite frustrating.
chopper
miracle whip is to mayo as cool whip is to whipped cream. a feeble chemical soup that attempts to mimic the real thing.
not unlike a non-NY bagel.
gex
@chopper: I just want to chime in and emphasize the fact that it is always dangerous to put exotics into any environment. We can, if necessary, recall an FDA approved drug. How do you recall dangerous genomes if they spread in the wild? And what happens if those dangerous genomes decimate the food supply?
b-psycho
@chopper: Does it separate?
mcd410x
You know what they put on French Fries in Holland?
What?
Mayonnaise. They drown em in that shit.
Oh, and:
Goddamn, Jimmie! This is some serious gourmet shit!
I feel old. Also.
ksmiami
Speaking of non-food food, I still get a craving for twinkies every so often…
RedKitten (formerly Krista - the Canadian one)
I’m not a huge fan of mayonnaise, but would always, always, always choose it over Miracle Whip. It’s also nice if you mix in a little bit of Chipotles in adobo sauce — lovely with some grainy bread, turkey, and sliced avocado.
passerby
I grew up on Blue Plate Mayonnaise. It used to be made in NO but only their HQ is there now and the mayo is made somewhere in the south.
When I first tried Miracle Whip I did not understand the whole sweetener thing and when I lived in places that didn’t carry Blue Plate I went with Hellman’s. Too bad they messed with the formula.
Somewhere along the way Blue Plate had wholesome ingredients, (you used to be able to get it at Whole Foods Market) but as they grew, they need a longer shelf life for it so now it’s gunked up with some alphabet chemicals.
Ingredients: Soybean oil, distilled vinegar, egg yolks, water, sugar, salt, calcium disodium EDTA (as a preservative), and natural flavors.
Oh, and growing up we called margarine butter, too. I haven’t eaten margarine in 20 years. Every now and then I’ll treat myself with a half pound of PlusGras butter. It has only 2% more butter fat but the flavor in that fraction makes all the difference–I could eat it on water crackers. Ooooh.
Svensker
@b-psycho:
They used to. My grandmother was old school WASP and, for her, “salad” was either a wedge of iceberg lettuce with a blob of Miracle Whip on top, or a square of jello (layered if it was an Event) with a blob of Miracle Whip on top. If the jello was supposed to be dessert, the Miracle Whip was nixed and a blob of whipped cream substituted.
MBSS
monsanto much?
ok you eat GM food and i’ll eat organic. good luck!
RedKitten (formerly Krista - the Canadian one)
The mayo in Holland is quite different from the mayo here, though. I find it much sweeter, and yes, it is wonderful on fries or with kroketten.
Sirkowski
I’m pretty sure there’s no MSG in Miracle Whip. Not in Canada anyway.
AhabTRuler
@RedKitten (formerly Krista – the Canadian one): Ehhh, I am all about the Oliebollen when they’re available, but the fries aren’t bad as a substitute. I don’t think they are the best fries evar! ! !, but they ain’t bad.
The bombest Dutch food, however, is erwtensoep.
The best meal I had in the NL was at a little dive in Amsterdam that served fondue and chateubriand, but then I often find that the best meal I can have in Europe is fondue.
[/cheese based life form]
ellaesther
@ksmiami: Have you ever had a fried one…?
I haven’t enjoyed Twinkies since sometime in childhood, but a couple of years ago, in the name of being one with my American-ness or something, I had a deep-fried Twinkie at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk and oh.my.god. It was so good, I’m not even embarrassed to admit how good it was. Sadly, I haven’t had one since. (Note to self: Must go to State Fair).
steve s
Right, whereas the non-GM lettuce at the grocery store has been extensively tested in blind trials with placebos…
RedKitten (formerly Krista - the Canadian one)
Ooh — I never had the Oliebollen, but they do look good. I think the “Dutchie” doughnut that you can get at Tim Horton’s is based upon it, and I just luuurve those.
Damn, this whole pregnancy has been about craving stuff I can’t eat. Earlier today I was desperate for pineapple juice, later, I wanted a nice big bowl of pasta with Parmesan, and now I want a warm Dutchie.
Just four more weeks and I can hopefully eat simple carbs again. I cannot wait.
Jennifer
Everyone on this thread: get a copy of Michael Pollan’s In Defense of Food and read it.
“Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.”
And by “food”, what is meant is real food, not “food-like substances.” Which both Miracle Whip and Hellman’s are, though it’s agreed that MW sucks a whole lot more than Hellman’s.
AhabTRuler
Sounds like the munchies.
iowa housewife
It’s always been Miracle Heave to me.
Mayo rules.
ellaesther
@Jennifer: I was thinking that line just today. It’s one of my favorite philosophies, ever. It’s just – true! I thought it as I was eating locally grown yellow raspberries and this lovely small-batch, organic, whole-grain bread (spread with, it must be noted, margarine. Hey! Nobody’s perfect!) (And I still want another one of those fried Twinkies).
Jennifer
@JK:
I haven’t seen Food, Inc. yet but I saw King Corn about a month ago – Netflix had it available for instant view.
But if you’re interested in food and how it came to be that most of us eat very little of it, it’s hard to go wrong with Pollan. I haven’t finished In Defense of Food yet, but Omnivore’s Dilemma should be read by anyone and everyone interested in where their food comes from.
Kathy
Sorry I grew up with MW so it will be a force of habit thing for me. That being said, when I moved to Philly I discovered I liked real Mayo on hoagies.
As for making one’s own mayo, it’s like bondage sex. I admire it stylistically but it involves too much effort to be an everyday kinda thing.
RedKitten
Except that I wasn’t craving Swiss Chalet chicken. That stuff is AWESOME when you have the munchies. These cravings are based purely on having had to deny myself all of those foods for the last 12 weeks.
b-psycho
@Jennifer: I have that 2nd one, quite the read. Ain’t it interesting how, thanks to agribiz & a bunch of scientists, edible stuff w/ a bunch of crap that doesn’t exist in nature added to it is cheap, but plain ol’ food is usually expensive?
estraven
“Miracle whip is not a food product. It is a chemical.”
Fucking A!!
Stephen1947
How can I ever thank you sufficiently, Mr. Cole, for sending me to that site? I would never have come across it any other way – but when the subject is good food, it is not ‘ridiculous.’ Maybe not as important as torture and Sotomayor and stuff, but still important.
Skepticat
Tsk tsk, tut tut, garbage (and I think we agree that Miracle Whip meets that criteria) is litter (at least here in New England–a first offense in Massachusetts can cost up to $3,000). However, I must say that I’m thoroughly impressed by your trash container, and blush when I think of the kitty litter bucket I use.
tavella
If Hellman’s messed with the ingredients, they didn’t do by much: SOYBEAN OIL, WATER, WHOLE EGGS AND EGG YOLKS, VINEGAR, SALT, SUGAR, LEMON JUICE, NATURAL FLAVORS, CALCIUM DISODIUM EDTA (USED TO PROTECT QUALITY).
There’s sugar, but down below salt — less than in Blue Plate, and much less than in Miracle Whip, which has both HFCS and sugar, in both cases above salt.
Dero
Mayo is bland, miracle whip isn’t. Simple as that.
invisible_hand
yeah, but from a jew, both of those toppings are as goyish as all get out.
Jim
First time I was in England (Exeter College, Oxford), in the college dining hall, and served a slice of pizza for lunch – with a fried egg on top. My tutor was sitting across from me, and I asked: Is this the way it’s served here? He moved the egg off with his fork and said, “Bloody stupid food service. They think you Americans want fried eggs with everything.”
YellowJournalism
@RedKitten: I dodged the gestational diabetes bullet recently, so the next time I have Swiss Chalet, I’ll think of you. Their chicken pot pies are wonderful.
Betsy
@invisible_hand:
That must be why I find them both so disgusting. But then, I don’t like sour cream either, and I’ve never seen a deli that didn’t serve their latkes with sour cream and applesauce, so maybe that’s not why.
Jim
Daughter in law is struggling mightily with gestational diabetes – did you “dodge the bullet” by having no symptoms after birth?
FlipYrWhig
Reminiscent of the great master Matt Groening:
A peanut is not a pea, nor is it a nut. It is a legume.
Ring worm is not a ring, nor is it a worm. It is a fungus.
A fish stick is not a fish, nor is it a stick. It is a fungus.
Anne Laurie
Ta-Nehesi Coates is the Atlantic’s Not-White, Grew-Up-Working-Class person — someone so exotic to the Atlantic job-dispensers that they didn’t realize just how dangerously authentic he would turn out to be. I have an image in my head of the suits in the business department thinking about canning him for insufficient bloodlessness, and quailing in terror for fear TNC might go all “Richard Pryor” on their sanitized arses. (But he does quite often make me miss Steve Gilliard.)
P.S. The garlic mayo at Ruby Tuesdays (oh, shut up) is dangerously addictive on fries.
P.P.S. I have been told that England’s supermarkets carry ‘salad dressing’ and ‘salad cream’ instead of mayo and MW (‘If you can stomach it — it’s a miracle!), only ‘salad cream’ is even nastier than its brand-name US equivalent. Now watch LitlBrit climb down my throat for being a lousy American jingoist…
Blue Raven
@steve s:
Being eaten by human beings and multiple four-legged animal species for a few thousand years must count for something in your world.
PS – Mayo yea, Miracle Whip nay except on cucumber sandwiches on white bread. Peanut butter on hot, bready things yea. Over-easy egg on pancake yea.
JGabriel
steve s:
No, non-GM lettuce and other non-GM staples have been tested through hundreds, even thousands, of years of trial and error and human experience.
Since we don’t have thousands of years experience with genetically modified foods, blind trials against placebos are a faster way to look for possible side effects and dangers.
Your seeming inability to perceive the obvious in this assessment is not making a good argument for GM foods. Perhaps the effect of GM foods on cognitive abilities should be included among those tests.
.
Gravenstone
@Mac: Seriously, I don’t know how anyone can eat that stuff.
MIRACLE WHIP – DRESSING – DRESSING
Ingredients: WATER, SOYBEAN OIL, VINEGAR, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, MODIFIED FOOD STARCH, SUGAR, SALT, ENZYME MODIFIED EGG YOLKS, MUSTARD FLOUR, ARTIFICIAL COLOR, POTASSIUM SORBATE AS A PRESERVATIVE, PAPRIKA, SPICE, NATURAL FLAVOR, DRIED GARLIC, BETA CAROTENE (COLOR). CONTAINS: EGG.
“Enzyme modified egg yolks”?
Um, dude – you do realize enzymes are themselves natural products, right? Depending on the source, they could be animal or plant derived. As to what “enzyme modified” means, they’re hydrolyzing one (or more) of the proteins in the egg yolk. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say it is the same end effect one gets by heating them – as in what you would do to make your own damned mayo.
Seriously, Miracle Whip is mass produced mayo with some spices and sugar added. Full stop.
wanders away muttering about chemophobes
Gravenstone
@Nellcote:
This is actually one of my guilty pleasures, from childhood. Chunky peanut butter and Miracle Whip on toast, with a healthy slab of lettuce in the middle. Sweet, savory, crunchy – yum!
Leelee for Obama
@Violet: Did you have Mrs. Hodel too? This teacher of yours sounds exactly like mine! I loved her so much, I took Physics, just to have her for another year! That was a complete waste of time, but she was teh bomb!
chopper
@invisible_hand:
yeah, right. waddya think is in most of the whitefish salad you’ve ever had? its like magic, a creamy thick mixer that’s also pareve.
chopper
@Gravenstone:
what i’m wondering is just what the hell HFCS is doing in mayo?
to me this sort of stuff is just a sign of how we’ll put sugar in everything.
DZ
@AhabTRuler:
I make mayonaise whenever I want to eat it. I haven’t used purchased mayo in 30 years
Litlebritdifrnt
@Anne Laurie:
He He He – I LOVE Heinz Salad Cream (I can get it at Fresh Market over here), but not necessarily on sandwiches (I butter my bread for sandwiches no mayo or MW involved) I actually use it as a salad dressing, and occasionally drizzle a little on a sandwich if the sandwich involves lettuce, tomato and cucumber. My favorite use of it is to add it to mashed potatoes with chopped raw onion all whipped up and then chilled. Yum.
As for the original debate my DH prefers MW over mayo on his sandwiches, but I always use mayo in my home made salad dressings.
lotus
The term “salad cream” always makes me think “salve.” Ooog.
My mom always made our mayo. I would too if I liked it. Don’t think I’ve ever tasted Miracle Whip.
ksmiami
To ella esther – anything like oreos or twinkies fried is like heaven… though I also make a Twinkie Tiramisu that is divine
ksmiami
@ JK
Marc Ambinder is like a human form of Miracle Whip – pasty, white and full of noxious air…
george
I have no real love for miracle whip, and I don’t buy it or put it on anything, but I have a strange, nostalgic thing for a bologna sandwich with miracle whip. Reminds me of summer days at my aunt’s house. Other than that, It’s hellman’s all the way.
Gravenstone
@chopper:
I imagine the original formulation was just sugar. The addition of HFCS was likely driven by cost savings. Although why they retained any sugar, if that is true, is beyond me.
JGabriel
lotus:
Am I the only one to think that “salad cream” sounds like a euphemism for “santorum”?
.
Oldnovice
I don’t care WHAT you say; I’m a Miracle Whip ONLY person, and this on a day when I proudly wrote an entry for the Green Mom Carnival on how we eat healthily. Pfft!