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You are here: Home / Humorous / Be afraid, Ross Douthat, be very afraid

Be afraid, Ross Douthat, be very afraid

by DougJ|  July 20, 20095:29 pm| 38 Comments

This post is in: Humorous

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These are the kinds of horrors that await us when we become an Asian/Hispanic/Black majority country.

The third guy really explores the studio space.

(via one of Sully’s stunt stand-ins)

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Previous Post: « Bullshit
Next Post: No One Could Have Predicted, Teen Pregnancy Edition »

Reader Interactions

38Comments

  1. 1.

    Legalize

    July 20, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    Don’t forget those Chinese kids wearing matching Houston Rockets jerseys, grooving to the Backstreet Boys. We all know what that can lead to ….

  2. 2.

    Legalize

    July 20, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    Those impressions are fuckin’ awesome though.

  3. 3.

    ruemara

    July 20, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    If only someone had said they needed more cowbell, this would be perfect.

    BTW, when I do my freddy mercury impersonation, it is this funny.

  4. 4.

    Ed in NJ

    July 20, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    Funny, but it needs more cowbell.

  5. 5.

    Laura W

    July 20, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    These are the kind of horrors that await us when cats learn how to online date:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBXxbsOoFr4
    (For sure turn your sound down a bit if you have cats, or especially an insane dog who is used to breaking up cat fights, in the room. Leah is running from door to door on high alert thinking there is a cat fight in her yard.)

  6. 6.

    gwangung

    July 20, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    And if you think that’s scary, wait till I show you…

  7. 7.

    demkat620

    July 20, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    That’s some good stuff right there.

    That second guy has Walken down.

  8. 8.

    LD50

    July 20, 2009 at 5:43 pm

    That seventh guy has it nailed.

    I don’t know what CW routine that #5 girl is trying for.

  9. 9.

    John Cole

    July 20, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    @LD50: Was that the one standing in front of a bookshelf?

  10. 10.

    LD50

    July 20, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    @John Cole: Yeah, the 2nd-to-last person, the one right before the girl with the baseball cap and shades.

  11. 11.

    linda

    July 20, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    remember those assholes who sold those subprime mortgages; they’re back, now gouging those desperate homeowners with a whole new scam. at this point, i’m thinking vigilante justice might be worth considering:

    By March, sales agents were inundated by calls from furious clients who had paid long ago, but not heard from anyone. Some called from motels, their belongings piled in boxes, weeping as they recounted losing their homes.

    The agents let most calls go to voicemail, playing the most dramatic messages over speakerphones for communal amusement, Mr. Pejman said.

    “Guys would sit there and laugh,” he said. “ ‘This lady’s going crazy,’ that sort of thing.”

    http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/20/business/20modify.html?_r=1&ref=business&pagewanted=print

  12. 12.

    Eric U.

    July 20, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    @LD50: that’s a dude, dude

  13. 13.

    Brick Oven Bill

    July 20, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    Here is plausible explanation as to why these guys might have taken the time to make this film. It is based on a study:

    “Mate preferences and Matching Outcomes in On Line Dating” (University of Chicago, Duke University, MIT).

    It is not nice to make fun of Asian guys, even when they are mocking themselves. They are typically more productive than white guys and have to put up with a lot of crap without Balloon Juice jumping on the pile.

  14. 14.

    DougJ

    July 20, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    It is not nice to make fun of Asian guys, even when they are mocking themselves. They are typically more productive than white guys and have to put up with a lot of crap without Balloon Juice jumping on the pile.

    I almost responded to this before I saw it was from you.

  15. 15.

    MattF

    July 20, 2009 at 6:11 pm

    Actually, it’s metamockery, so it’s OK.

  16. 16.

    LD50

    July 20, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    They are typically more productive than white guys and have to put up with a lot of crap without Balloon Juice jumping on the pile.

    BOB being all Mister Racial Sensitivity and shit. Wonders never cease.

  17. 17.

    LD50

    July 20, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    @Eric U.: Prove it.

  18. 18.

    Pixie

    July 20, 2009 at 6:17 pm

    LOL Thanks for that Laura. I watched it 3 x already and was lmfao. My cats all came into my room to make sure I was ok. :P

  19. 19.

    gwangung

    July 20, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    It is not nice to make fun of Asian guys, even when they are mocking themselves. They are typically more productive than white guys and have to put up with a lot of crap without Balloon Juice jumping on the pile.

    Aw man, THIS IS MY JOB you’re talking about. I write this stuff.

    You’re telling me we can’t make a living doing comedy???? Only white people can do that?

    Dude, you’re heartless.

  20. 20.

    Laura W

    July 20, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    @Brick Oven Bill: You see, that was exactly the problem for my online feline dating couple. She was orange and he was black. Everyone knows a black boy cat is not alpha enough for an orange girl cat. Orange girls are so rare that they get to decide who they will have litters with, and they live to dominate skinny, black boy cats.

    I wonder if Duke will fund my study?

  21. 21.

    LD50

    July 20, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    @gwangung: It’s just that I think BOB would be much happier if all you Asians just stuck to engineering, programming, and running restaurants.

  22. 22.

    gwangung

    July 20, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    @LD50: Now I admit, I’m not sure I can compete against the awesome comedy skills of BOB, but isn’t this America? The land of freedom and the right to the pursuit of happiness??

    I am so disillusioned.

  23. 23.

    Brick Oven Bill

    July 20, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    The New York Times on dating in Asia:

    Both Shirakawa and his girlfriend like the fact that she weighs more than he does, and is the leader of the couple. “She’s a lot stronger than I am, can lift heavy things and go drinking until dawn. I admire that about her, and feel protected when I’m around her,” he said. Older than he by five years, it was Shirakawa’s girlfriend who made the approach, started the dating process and decided what course their relationship would take.

    “Frankly, I think women should be in the driver’s seat. Society and relationships work better that way,” he said. Shirakawa likes to wear his girlfriend’s clothes and often shows up for work wearing her blouse and jeans, to the general approval of his co-workers.

    Read it all. This, I believe, is why Asian women tend to be happier in America than Asian men. Asian men’s best dating prospects seem to be in their country of origin.

    Shirakawa’s dating strategy downright sucks when pursuing the typical American female. Perhaps we could set him up with Zoe from Kentucky however.

  24. 24.

    Hammy

    July 20, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    Sure, they can do a good Christopher Walken impersonation but can they do a convincing David Carradine impression?

  25. 25.

    LD50

    July 20, 2009 at 6:40 pm

    @gwangung: Actually, it’s worse than that. Given BOB’s advanced age, he’d probably prefer if you stuck to laying railroad tracks and running laundries.

  26. 26.

    You Don't Say

    July 20, 2009 at 6:41 pm

    The first guy was dead on.

  27. 27.

    Laura W

    July 20, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    @Brick Oven Bill: Well, at the risk of being stoned in the BJ public square or burned at the stake, I found that very interesting, Bill. How did you pull a piece from Nov of 2007 out of your brick oven anyway?

  28. 28.

    Brick Oven Bill

    July 20, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    The Brick Oven serves humanity the only way it knows how, as the repository of social imagery that this age of oil and its excesses have created in our very midst Laura W.

    And when this phase of society comes to a close, it can cook good food without electricity.

  29. 29.

    Hammy

    July 20, 2009 at 7:03 pm

    He’s not Asian, but Brandon Hardesty does excellent re-enactments of movie scenes that he filmed in his parent’s basement. Here’s his Christopher Walken impression from Pulp Fiction.

    I loved his re-enactment of The Shining.

  30. 30.

    DougJ

    July 20, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    Brandon Hardesty does excellent re-enactments of movie scenes that he filmed in his parent’s basement. Here’s his Christopher Walken impression from Pulp Fiction.

    He’s not quite as good as the third Asian guy doing the same scene.

  31. 31.

    calling all toasters

    July 20, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    “Good for you… good FOR you”

    Bookcase guy is awesome.

  32. 32.

    PaulW

    July 20, 2009 at 8:41 pm

    Bookcase guy did the most naturalistic performance of The Walken on that collection. The first guy, in the yellow shirt talking about free-range chicken, was actually mimicking another Walken impersonator so that’s an impersonation of an impersonation and doesn’t count…

    Can we get some of these guys to do Walken from “Catch Me If You Can” or “True Romance” perhaps? “The Rundown” would be choice.

  33. 33.

    retr2327

    July 20, 2009 at 9:04 pm

    If you want to really see somebody tear Douthat a new one, go check out Tom Levenson’s takedown.

    That’ll leave a mark . . . .

  34. 34.

    gex

    July 20, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    @linda: Wow. Sounds just like those Enron jerks laughing at the grandmothers in CA who couldn’t afford their electric bills during the rolling blackouts. Assholes. How’d they like to lose everything?

  35. 35.

    hamletta

    July 20, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    @gex:

    How’d they like to lose everything?

    I’d sure like to find out. Especially if “everything” includes their balls.

  36. 36.

    Alan

    July 21, 2009 at 12:57 am

    I find these Walken impressions slightly disturbing in that they made me realize something I had never noticed before: the degree to which Christopher Walken sounds like “Welcome Back Kotter” era Travolta. Now I have a mental picture of Vinnie Barbarino reenacting Walken’s scene from Pulp Fiction.

  37. 37.

    Anne Laurie

    July 21, 2009 at 3:00 am

    These are the kind of horrors that await us when cats learn how to online date…

    Laura, I am a bad person — the original (non-annotated) version of that video makes me laugh every time. Something about the way Tuxedo Guy is being as Respekfil as possible, and yet, his tail keeps doing the “workin’ my last nerve, Ginger!” twitch.

  38. 38.

    DougJ

    July 21, 2009 at 10:29 am

    I find these Walken impressions slightly disturbing in that they made me realize something I had never noticed before: the degree to which Christopher Walken sounds like “Welcome Back Kotter” era Travolta.

    It’s the same weird New York accent.

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