That must be the best Human Events email subject heading ever. Here’s the full email.
Update. Per the comments, it’s worth noting that, historically, fighter jets haven’t had much success stopping the homosexual agenda.
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[…] of Balloon Juice, this could be the greatest wingnut email […]
kommrade reproductive vigor
[Insert mental images of fReichtards riding big throbbing rockets here.]
Great timing on their plea for action. Also.
sparky
i’m confused–should i not read, must i read, or is the tag a lie? aieeeeeeeeee…….
demkat620
That email is hilarious.
I don’t know why but I find that funny. I know they mean prayer but the idea of submitting a petition to god amuses me. How do you get it to him?
PeakVT
The title is funny but the content is seriously whacked.
gnomedad
@demkat620:
Send a personal message to God. We’ll deliver it.
me
Looks like they want to use the F-22 to kamikaze teh gays.
demkat620
@gnomedad: Thanks!
I did not know that. :)
Dave C
This email would be funny were it not for the fact that so many people earnestly believe it to be the God’s Honest Truth.
ADM
Seems Sen. Leahy couldn’t get 60 votes to protect pedophilia as a sexual orientation, so he attached it as a rider to the defense appropriation bill, which means no more F-22’s.
That’s a rough paraphrase.
gsp
I’m not getting any ads on your website. I’m not complaining or anything but I figure you have to make a little money to allow Tunch and Lily to live the life they have become accustomed to.
demkat620
@ADM: Ooh a new troll.
But not a very good one.
asiangrrlMN
Sigh. Maybe it’s the mood I’m in, but I don’t find anything remotely funny about the email, not that I read the whole thing.
I can haz pictures of Tunch, pleeze?
demkat620, nah, s/he was just paraphrasing the email for people who don’t want to read it. Not a troll, I don’t think.
Incertus
@demkat620: I don’t think ADM was trolling–he/she was paraphrasing the WND mailing, and as far as I can tell, pretty much nailed it.
AhabTRuler
@demkat620: I could be wrong, but I didn’t read it as a troll, but as labeled: a paraphrase of what the email is saying, and it was pretty accurate.
@Incertus: You are a wise
latinacommenter!demkat620
Okay. I am sorry I thought ADM was a troll.
Davis X. Machina
What if the Homosexual Agenda has chaff dispensers? And IR-spoofing missiles? And the latest in ECM? Because the Homosexual Agenda is clever, and because it has no kids, it’s got pots of money, and time to work on such things.
PattyP
The plane can’t even fly in the rain. How can it possibly fight the rainbow?
AhabTRuler
OT, and and not to confuse anyone’s pie filter, but fresh baked Blueberry pie a la mode makes a very good lunch!
Wile E. Quixote
Will the manly, homosexual agenda destroying F-22 be flown by those incredibly butch pilots from Top Gun.
Also isn’t “Chaps” kind of a gay nickname for Chaplain Klingenschmidt?” Are those rough and manly leather chaps? Chaps?
AhabTRuler
@Davis X. Machina: Plus it will have an espresso maker and the interior design will be FAAABULOUS!
kommrade reproductive vigor
@Davis X. Machina: I suspect the homosexual rainbow velvet mafia agenda will be blamed for the fact they scrambled the jets three days after the F-22 vote.
These people would be less amusing if they weren’t such stupid fucks.
geg6
OT but I’m watching Real Time and there is a young African American veteran who is running for office somewhere. He is quite impressive. And John Heilmann is freaking me out because he makes sense. I want to vote for that young man though. Who is he, anybody?
Chup
@PattyP:
That’s brilliant — I accidently woke my wife with my laughing.
The Western Wall “Letter to God” folks make me angry — and I’m an atheist. People who take advantage of others when they are down are the lowest forms of life.
The Saff
I’m guessing the folks who sent the e-mail don’t realize the Pentagon doesn’t want any more F-22s.
Wile E. Quixote
@gnomedad
Parts of the Bible that Christians completely ignore, part DCXVI in a never-ending series, Matthew, Chapter 6, verses 1 through 16:
The Saff
geg6: His name is Anthony Woods and he’s running for Congress in the California 10th. I was very impressed by his appearance on Real Time.
geg6
The Saff: Thank you! Anthony Woods is a very smart, personable young man. California would be very lucky to have a man like him as a representative. CA-10 is where? Does he have a chance?
The Saff
California 10th is the East Bay region. It’s Ellen Tauscher’s former district.
I agree with you, geg6. I made a mental note to remember Woods — excellent Congressional material. Rob Thomas was supposed to be on but his plane never left New York (that’s what Maher said during the show).
Punchy
I thought the Homosexual Agenda involved the F-69…..
Comrade Jake
Somebody’s been watching the volleyball scene in Top Gun too much. Did the email come with Kenny Loggins background music?
AhabTRuler
Fixeteth.
Warren Terra
I’m also getting no ads today, at least browsing by phone, and there are other format changes. I’m not complaining about missing the chance to see a picture of Ann Coulter, but with the format changes the column of text is now annoyingly wide (i.e. more than the width of my teeny little screen) – and without the ads, where will you get the money needed to prevent Tunch from wasting away?
smiley
OT but this is hilarious:
http://briefingroom.thehill.com/2009/07/24/house-to-take-up-resolution-demanding-obama-apologize-to-crowley/
(what’s up with the formatting of this site?)
Warren Terra
… and now that I made my comment the whole format is back to normal, complete with a more constrained column width and of course Ann Coulter. I don’t imagine that any changes were made to the site in the last few minutes, so maybe it was a fluke – but there was a similar comment upthread, and I’d seen the changes all afternoon and in a couple of different threads.
wmd
let’s not forget these oldies but goodies on the homesexual agenda
Democratic Underground
Balloon Juice
Fiori
Ailuridae
Tony Woods is immensely impressive. He’s got a four way primary to succeed Tauscher and the winner of that carries the general (Obama won the district 65-33). There are two other solid candidates and all four candidates are likely improvements on Tauscher who was problematic on many levels.
PeakVT
@gsp & Warren: Sometime the site looks funny for me. I suspect one of the CSS files doesn’t get loaded properly when that happens. A forced reload or reopening the site in a new tab fixes it.
rosalind
anthony woods did a great Q&A at firedoglake a few weeks back.
http://firedoglake.com/2009/06/20/meet-anthony-woods-progressive-candidate-for-congress-in-the-bay-area-special-election/
(aplogies for not formatting link correctly)
vivelame
(didn’t read the comments)
Holy. Fuckin’. Shit.
b-psycho
After having a hearty laugh over that email, I tried to look up the bill they’re talking about (S. 909), and got this, a months old bill from Ted Kennedy about federal assistance for hate crimes prosecution. Maybe they got the number wrong?
Comrade Jake
Heh. Check out Doug’s update.
b-psycho
My bad, they’re referring to Leahy resubmitting that bill as an amendment.
Odd. I read the original bill, and while I’m personally skeptical of hate crimes law myself (assault & murder are already illegal), I don’t see a single thing in there that’d suggests that pedophilia* would suddenly be legal. There’s even a section at the end explaining that speech couldn’t be considered a crime.
(* – Of course, pointing out to them that pedophilia and homosexuality are not even close to being the same thing has long been futile…)
Polish the Guillotines
@The Saff:
That’s my district. I’m gonna give him some $$, but no, I don’t think he’s got a chance. John Garamendi (former insurance commissioner and current Lt. Governor) probably walks away with the district. He’s well known locally, has name recognition over all comers, and you can’t swing a dead cat in CA-10 without hitting one of his campaign signs.
I’d just like to see Anthony put up a respectable showing to put himself on track for future political opportunities. The state and national party would be foolish not to groom him for the long haul.
Martian Buddy
@b-psycho: It’s the same sort of “man-on-box turtle” slippery slope fallacy that they like to use against gay marriage.
Andre
@b-psycho:
I’m reasonably sure they’re counting on recipients of their missive not to do any research of their own, so they felt it was perfectly OK to, you know, make shit up.
I had a bit of a chuckle about the description of “free speech” being criminalized in Pennsylvania from a 2004 event. What, because there were no other, better examples of suppression of free speech that year?
Ailuridae
@Polish the Guillotines:
Garamendi is the most established candidate but he has basically chosen to shun the NetRoots. Check out the relative fundraising totals at ActBlue. I was pretty shocked to watch who the successor to Rahm was elected in the Congressional district next to mine given who was established etc.
burnspbesq
OT:
What a bullshit call that was. Dos Santos punches Heaps in the face, then falls over him, and it’s a penalty?????
I really fucking hate everything about Mexican football. Whiners and divers, the lot of them. Cheap-shot artists, also.
Polish the Guillotines
@Ailuridae:
It doesn’t surprise me that Garamendi’s not giving or receiving the netroots love. “Established” is right: he’s definitely the old-school establishment candidate. And the netroots has never liked Tauscher, so there’s little doubt they’re not going to get behind her anointed successor.
I still don’t think Anthony’s gonna win this primary since the machine favors Garamendi, but if he can run a media-saavy campaign and get his name recognition up, he sounds like a real winner for the future.
If by some miracle he were to beat Garamendi and take the nomination, I think he’d get clobbered in the general. There are parts of CA-10 that are uber-conservative — and by that I mean KSFO-listening, rabid, birther, Galt-going, Yes on 8 nutballs. A gay, black man — even though he’s an Iraq war vet — is going to have a rough go of it.
This is not the “liberal” part of the Bay Area.
Travis
That letter reminded me a great deal of What’s the matter with Kansas?. The fortunes of a barely-working fighter jet, and national policy concerning homosexuality couldn’t be more unrelated. But the money guys are desperate, and willing to push every button they can. In an earlier time, they would be talking about the sinister communists who want to squash the future of this jet, but that button is broken.
As the mighty Atrios says, our national discourse is so stupid.
Wolfdaughter
Wile E. Coyote:
Parts of the Bible that Christians completely ignore, part DCXVI in a never-ending series, Matthew, Chapter 6, verses 1 through 16:
If I have my Roman numerals straight (nothing wrong with GAY Roman numerals, of course), what you really wanted to make the number above is DCLXVI.
jenniebee
Is anybody else wondering what’s the deal with them wanting the House to stand firm and keep the F-22 poison pill in instead of asking their readers simply to pressure the House to stand equally firm and demand that the amendment be kept out of the final version?
Weird.
Ailuridae
@Polish the Guillotines:
I didn’t know Tony was out.
I am ignorant of the run-off rules in CA but would someone have to gain the majority of votes in a primary to win or barring a majority is there a head up run off?
Martin
The Pentagon may not want them, but Jesus does. Loaves and fishes are fine and all, but nothing says ‘love thy neighbor’ in the 21st century than a stealth approach and an AMRAAM up the ass in the name of Jesus.
Buzzybill
Wow, I am slow today. I read most of the way through it thinking it was parody.
I was sort of sad when I realized that it was serious. I guess living in a free society means people can promote any kind of pig ignorant belief they choose to subscribe to.
Yutsano
I really have only one response to that e-mail (the beauty of it is it will send the Right into a tizzy):
¿que?
Polish the Guillotines
@Ailuridae:
Well, everything I’ve said is 100% conjecture based only on my opinion. I just don’t see how any of the primary contenders can overcome Garamendi’s name recognition and stature — again, he’s the lieutenant governor. That’s some pretty serious juice.
I’ll still donate $$ to Anthony’s campaign, and I’ll be happy as hell if he wins. No matter what, we need guys like him running.
Yutsano
I’ll still donate $$ to Anthony’s campaign, and I’ll be happy as hell if he wins. No matter what, we need guys like him running.
His big goal right now is name recognition and getting some $ in his pocket. Very very few folks have a straight trajectory like Obama did, it takes a lot of grunt work and minor elections to make it to the big time. Hopefully Woods recognizes this and is just getting his name in peoples’ brains. And contemplating a move should there be a better opportunity for success elsewhere.
SeanH
Notice how, in the email, the amendments under discussion are frequently referred to as “the bad Leahy amendment” and “the good Brownback amendment”, which, as well as being amusingly childish, is very telling about their estimation of their readers’ intelligence. “Look, THIS one is the BAD one, we’re telling them to LOSE it. And THAT one is GOOD, we want to KEEP it. Okay? One more time?”
Also, how often has the “new legislation protects pedophiles as a sexual orientation” thing done the rounds? Is there a Snopes page on it?
SiubhanDuinne
@ SeanH / 7:59 pm
I know. They should just paste black hat and white hat stickers next to the text so it’s clear even to people who can’t read English so good.
Skullduggery
@jenniebee:
If they’re smart, they might be thinking that getting Obama to veto a bill that would provide protections to gays would help fracture his coalition. So I have no idea why they’d do it this way.
General Winfield Stuck
Depends on the Cockpit/
ADM
[email protected]:
I think that’s a large part of the success of Fox news and propaganda in general: focusing on bad blurs what’s good, giving viewers an easy enemy without having to put any effort into defining or proving the good guy’s credentials. In this case Brownback is taking on the pedophile-defender Sen Leahy; Brownback opposes pedophiles, therefore Brownback=good. Nevermind Brownback’s apart of that 5th street circle house featured here a while back.
That Top Gun clip is awesomely hilarious. Good on the commenter that recommended it.
steve s
Mail it to me along with a $20 bill and I’ll make sure he gets it.
jcricket
The best part of that video is when Tom Cruise finds it necessary to flex while he checks the time on his watch. Perfect display of his douchebaggery and egotism.
I think W should have played “Dangerzone” when he landed on that aircraft carrier in his dumbass flight suit with the mission accomplished banner. That would have classed up the whole thing.
Isidore
“Hate Bill” Favoritism
If “hate bill”-obsessed Congress can’t protect Christians from “gays” as much as it wants to protect “gays” from Christians, will Congress be surprised if it can’t protect itself from most everyone? If “hate bills” are forced on captive Americans, they’ll still find ways to sneakily continue to “plant” Biblical messages everywhere. By doing so they’ll hasten God’s judgment on their oppressors as revealed in Proverbs 19:1. (See related web items including “David Letterman’s Hate, Etc.,” “Separation of Raunch and State,” “Michael the Narc-Angel,” and “Obama Avoids Bible Verses.”) Since Congress can’t seem to legislate “morality,” it’s making up for it by legislating “immorality”!
cleek
ah crap. i clicked it expecting to see Anthony Edwards doing a Q&A on the blazing homosexuality in Top Gun.
Bell Curve
Is there anything about the ’80s that wasn’t gay? Anything?
Patton Oswalt’s ’80s metal routine gives plenty of other examples.
b-psycho
@Isidore: Tell you what: Rather than bicker about congress legislating one set of morals or another, how about they do neither? That way, you can feel free to spew hate, and gays can feel free to respond to “Christians” taking the step from hateful words to violent actions with one of these. Deal?
Edit: then again, maybe you want to come up with something original to say first…
b-psycho
Ok, it’s confirmed, Isidore is a troll. That same paragraph has popped up on, as of the linked search, 120 different sites, with random names associated.
Tongue of Groucho Marx
I laughed at the caption of the first picture of that email.
Wile E. Quixote
@Wolfdaughter
Well actually I didn’t. You see there is some disagreement about the value of the Number of the Beast and whether or not it is 666 (DCLXVI) or 616 (DCXVI). When I was a kid reading the Revised Standard Version Bible we had there was a footnote that said that some scholars thought the number was 616 instead of 666 and later of course a fragment of the early Book of Revelations was read with modern technology and appeared to say that the number was 616. Of course if the number is 616 and not 666 then it’s a huge joke on all of the fundamentaloids who obsess over Revelations and jack off over the Left Behind books. They’re on the lookout for devil worshippers who have “666” burned into their foreheads and the back of their right hands but in actuality all of the devil worshippers will have “616” burned into their foreheads and the backs of their right hands and they’ll be able to sneak in under their noses.
I am a
useless font of triviafont of useless trivia and am available for bar trivia games as long as I’m not asked any questions in the sports or fashion categories.Yutsano
@b-psycho: That would explain the incoherence and the fact that nothing else has been heard from it since. (English really needs a better gender-neutral pronoun!)
Ash Can
I’m trying to figure out whether the Human Events folks are batshit insane for composing this e-mail and sending it out, or just scheming and dishonest, pushing all the hot buttons of their intellectually and emotionally challenged readership in order to shake them down for as much money as they can. While I’m not ruling out the former as playing a role — after all, how sociopathic do you have to be to want to try to manipulate people in this manner? — I’m leaning toward a preponderance of the latter.
Johnny Pez
@Warren Terra:
“Ann Coulter free”. All I can say is, not even if you paid me a million bucks.
Kilkee
@smiley: Man, that is just precious. But it’s tough to beat this assessment of the Gates situation, from the Comments:
“What I would like to have answers on in no one has asked are the following:
The 911 caller spoke of 2 black males in knapsacks. One was forcing the door. Where were they?
Where is Mr. Gates second wife when this was going on?
Mr. Gates told the Police that his door had been forced previously. Why did he not report that prior break in just a week before?
In street crime, this entire situation looks criminal and no one because this is a Harvard liberal or Obama friend is examining what is going on.
We have known multiple black males, one of whom is unaccounted for. Mr. Gates is irrational to the point he appears on some narcotic. Violence had occurred at the home in the door was forced previously.
What kind of people are around Mr. Gates, as this on the surface looks like an old man being roughed up by street toughs. So why is he not reporting it?
All of this looks like a criminal triad of sex, drugs and violence, which is part of the predatory gay underworld.”
And, of course, they are shooting down F-22s. And two black males “in” knapsacks. Also.
LanceThruster
Why can’t I send my message to God C.O.D.?
I guess it’s just as George Carlin said, …”God is all powerful, all-knowing, all wise. But God needs MONEY”….
RememberNovember
@Johnny Pez:
punctuation counts!
Ann Coulter, free- nonono keep her behind bars in genpop!
Ann Coulter-free, yes absolutely. Now with 50% more sanity!