Andy McCarthy at the NRO has a 3,700 word piece on… Obama’s birth certificate.
In fairness, Michael Moore IS fat.
This post is in: Clown Shoes, The Wingularity, Wingnut Event Horizon
Andy McCarthy at the NRO has a 3,700 word piece on… Obama’s birth certificate.
In fairness, Michael Moore IS fat.
Comments are closed.
[…] Balloon Juice » Blog Archive » Someone Explain To Me Again Why The … […]
General Winfield Stuck
Whitey! WHITEEEEEEEY!
geg6
Since I absolutely refuse to give NRO a page hit, I will just say consider the souce, John. Whatever it is he may say about us, NRO and McCarthy are far more divorced from reality than we will ever be.
Zifnab25
STFU, that’s why.
PeakVT
Because it makes the name-calling fair ‘n’ balanced.
Zifnab25
STFU, that’s why.
Warren Terra
The link is to a Dave Weigel blogpost at The Washington Independent
Comrade Mary
@geg6: Don’t worry, the link goes to an excellent summary at the Washington Independent. No NRO pixels will contaminate your system.
Agent Flowbee lives!
Funkhauser
Answer: Projection.
Demo Woman
I am not longer sure what an OT means so I’ll just go ahead and post, how many people did Crowley bring to the meeting?
Lyle4
We all know that this whole hoopla is just to force them to hand over the whitey tape.
Who “them” is…well, I think you all know…
PaulW
I’ve already gone ahead and sent a request to my birth county/state for a copy of my birth certificate. You know, in case they start questioning MY citizenship status…
ominira
Birthers. Sigh.
In other news, a Portuguese murderer who spent 16 years on the run (hiding in caves) has been apprehended.
Iran’s police disperses mourners gathered at Neda’s grave.
Pfizer settles a botched clinical trial of a meningitis drug (now withdrawn from the market for sometimes causing fatal liver damage).
Midnight Marauder
So what do we call this burgeoning phenomenon of media outlets thoroughly denouncing the Birther movement, only for the debunking to be followed by a prominent personality/writer for said outlet continuing on as though the issue wasn’t just settled?
I vote for “Lou Dobbs Syndrome.”
QrazyQat
NOBODY is THAT fat.
beltane
They’re just living up to their reputation as “World’s shittiest website”. It’s all about maintaining their high standards for electronic fecal matter.
I propose that from here on out, all candidates for national office must submit to a DNA test, and must provide videotaped proof of the alleged act of copulation that led to their conception. A president must be “natural born” which precludes any weird goings on in the bedroom. We would never see another Republican president if this rule were implemented.
Comrade Jake
I’m pretty sure McCarthy also bought into the whole “Ayers wrote Obama’s books” conspiracy, no?
The stupid is strong with that one.
kay
@Demo Woman:
He said he brought his family for a White House tour. Gates also brought his. The two families ran into each other on the tour, and joined up for the rest. It’s hard to believe that was an accident, however.
I’m a complete sucker for kumbaya. I am bound to be disappointed, I know that, but what’s the alternative?
MikeJ
MACBETH
Thou losest labour:
As easy mayst thou the intrenchant air
With thy keen sword impress as make me bleed:
Let fall thy blade on vulnerable crests;
I bear a charmed life, which must not yield,
To one of woman born.
MACDUFF
Despair thy charm;
And let the angel whom thou still hast served
Tell thee, Macduff was from his mother’s womb
Untimely ripp’d.
Dulcie
@Demo Woman: Two. His attorney and his union rep.
mgordon
It’s like meeting a guy on the street who starts screaming that you are crazy while the feces sandwich they are dining on is smeared all over their face.
Warren Terra
What, he didn’t bring a literary agent?
tischer
Wait- what if Barack is really a few years older………born when Hawaii wasn’t yet a state…..
Unexplored country for the birthers!
ronin122
Moore? What about Al Gore? He’s fat too! And has money while saying bad things about global climate change. Stuff his face with a pie and burn a field of gasoline to show him! I don’t know, making fun of wingnuts is getting less fun.
smiley
@MikeJ: Some character in Romeo and Juliet: What’s in a name? That by which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Gertrude Stein: A rose is a rose is a rose.
Sometimes paraphrasing works.
narvalking
So Peak Wingnut has been abandoned as a theory?
Dulcie
@Warren Terra: Bwahaha! I expected his attorney, but I’d forgotten that he’s a union guy.
The only good thing about this “controversy” is that it’s allowed the racist wing of the Republican Party to let their freak flag fly for everyone to see. It’s been interesting watching the media come to the realization that a segment of the population is still indeed racist. Post racial, my ass. WTF does that even mean?
Did you know that health care legislation is designed to allow black folks to finally get their reparations checks? It’s true. I read it on the internets! When I get mine, I’m buying a chicken farm and dressing in FUBU every day!
Warren Terra
I’m a city boy, so I’m not well informed, but that sounds tough on the FUBU.
southpaw
Does it concern anyone else that McCarthy was a federal prosecutor and these are his standards of evidence?
Who all did he convict?
Ash
If we really wanna get into it, we could say that any person delivered by c-section is automatically ineligible as well.
GeneJockey
@smiley:
A nose, by any other name, would smell.
Hoya
This is apparently the birther dream timeline.
1. Hawaii Birth Certificate found to be forgery. Obama’s real mother found to be Georgina Soros before sex change, therefore Obama born in Kenya to non-American citizens.
2. Supreme Court orders James Crowley to arrest Obama and remove from office.
3. Joe Biden becomes President, immediately impeached after John Roberts declares gaffes to be “high crimes and misdemeanors”.
4. Nancy Pelosi impeached for having double X chromosomes.
5. Robert Byrd impeached for being an old clansman and not guesting daily on Morning Joe.
6. Hillary impeached for finally admitting to killing Vince Foster with Bosnian sniper fire.
7. Geithner impeached for using TurboTax.
8. Gates becomes President, appoints Palin VP, resigns.
9. “War on Coherence” declared immediately.
Warren Terra
“So, do you want an epidural … or do you want your kid to maybe grow up to be President?”
Brett
Site-fixing comment.
Woodrow "asim" Jarvis Hill
@Dulcie: It’s been kind of scary, these last few months, how easy it’s become to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Now, if only the media would get the hint…
wilfred
McCarthy is a fucking bigot, full stop; the residue of the Catholic mafia that learned how to tolerate Jews only because the ones they use at the NRO are even worse bigots.
NRO/Red Channels. Mutatis mutandis,as the self-congrulating little shit learned at the knees of pederast priests.
smiley
@GeneJockey: A nose doesn’t smell unless, um, it’s put someplace smelly (and I think you know what I mean). BTW, the character was Juliet herownself (I went back and looked it up) . Bonus points: I got the quote wrong by one word. What was the word? (no fair googleing (8:)
Trinity
Whitey tape bitches. Just wait…
kay
It’s only amazing how predictable they are. The birth certificate conspiracy is now ridiculed and debunked, so as virtually everyone predicted, they have a new theory.
Obama was later adopted.
He’s not Kenyan after all. He’s a Muslim from Indonesia.
Dulcie
@Warren Terra: FUBU= For Us, By Us. It’s a clothing line primarily worn by Michael Steele’s “urban suburban hip hop” folks (I love Michael Steele – he’s the gift that keeps on giving, much like Palin). Anyway, here’s the wiki link – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FUBU
I’ll be a chicken farmer with an urban flair!
Ducktape
Testing for a possible solution for the CSS issue — hi Tunch!
Dulcie
@Woodrow “asim” Jarvis Hill: They’re not even trying anymore. Glen Beck is my personal fave. Obama hates white people my ass. Doesn’t Beck know that Obama’s mother and grandparents were white? It would make him hate himself. Projection, thy name is Glen Beck.
It also confirms my belief that when a certain segment of society sees people of color, they only see race. Too bad for them.
General Winfield Stuck
@Dulcie:
Wasn’t the original deal 40 acres and a mule. I would try and grow cookies. No one ever has and there seems to be a shortage.
Michael J
Sick. Sick. Sick.
LD50
I’m glad Andrew has raised this subject. But I feel he’s neglecting the most important question of all: who is fatter? Michael Moore or Al Gore?
kay
@wilfred:
It’s not going to work, Wilfred. They just completely dropped the lie they’ve been pushing for 2 years, and replaced it with another one, in 24 hours.
Hoya
Cash for clunkers just suspended before I could get a new car. WTF?
Warren Terra
@ Dulcie:
I knew what FUBU was, at least vaguely. I just enjoyed saying that chicken farming sounded hard on the FUBU.
Mario Piperni
Not sure anymore what to do with birthers. Mock them and give them what they want – notoriety…or ignore them and hope they just go away.
…
Ok. I thought about it. I’m going with the mocking.
LD50
And why would that supposedly be worse than Obama’s full name being ‘Barack Hussein Obama’?
I see wingnuts calling Obama ‘Barry Soetoro’ all the time. I don’t share their conviction that in so doing they’ve scored some crushing rhetorical coup.
kay
@Hoya:
I think it’s smart politics. The program is popular, and they want credit for that. I’ll be really surprised if they don’t find the money.
I live in an auto-industry area and it’s been sort of big news as a success. I think (I hope) they want attention on a success. Let’s hope it’s politics.
Leelee for Obama
@General Winfield Stuck: For the fucking win! And thanks, I needed that. It’s been a baaaaad day!
General Winfield Stuck
@General Winfield Stuck:
After reading my own comment, it is apparent the stupids has got meh. Nothing worthwhile to say. clicking heels three times and going galt for time being.
Dulcie
@General Winfield Stuck: Okay, this made me laugh out loud, mostly because the entire cookie situation has annoyed me to no end. Warren Terra is right about folks needing to post in old, worn out threads. All the cookie posts totally ruin the flow of comments.
I will take forty acres if I get to pick which ones. Forty acres of prime Manhattan real estate would do a body good. Maybe the Hamptons. Or Aspen. I have expensive tastes!
Leelee for Obama
@General Winfield Stuck: FTW! Thanks, Stuck! I needed a good chuckle, it’s been a baaaad day!
Anya
Why are people angry with Bill Mahar, he is correct, this country is full of morons. How else do you explain the media and people who watch Fox!
Joshua Norton
The burden of proof is now on the wild-eyed howling lunatics. I’m sure they’re holding out for “the right moment” to release Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate(r). Limbaugh is, no doubt, waiting for “sweeps week’ when all will be revealed.
Dulcie
@Warren Terra: Sorry – didn’t mean to insult :-)
Joshua Norton
The burden of proof is now on the wild-eyed howling lunatics. Obviously, they’re holding out for “the right moment” to release Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate(r).
Either that, or Limbaugh is just waiting for “sweeps week’ when all will be revealed.
CrockPot
Need a cookie.
Demo Woman
Just on principal, I refuse to read anything that Andy McCarthy writes. I’m sure it’s the same biased info that he has always written. By the way Michael Moore is overweight.
Warren Terra
@ #58 By Joshua Norton
I can’t let a reference to “Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate®” go by without offering a link to it
opium4themasses
cookies for me!
gwangung
Obama produced a birth certificate. Hawaii verified. Now it’s birthers’ turn. And saying the birth certificate isn’t good enough AIN’T GONNA CUT IT. The state of Hawaii already has said it is. Birthers’ gotta bring something to the table–asking us to do their work for them is lazy and intellectually dishonest.
What part of “you made the claim, you support it” don’t they understand?
El Cid
McClatchy commits another flagrant act of actual journalism, and on McClatchy DC’s front page.
******************************
Here’s the truth: ‘Birther’ claims are just plain nuts
By Steven Thomma | McClatchy Newspapers
WASHINGTON — The false allegation that President Barack Obama was born in another country is more than a fact-free hit job.
Marked by accusations and backstabbing, it’s the story of how a small but intense movement called “birthers” rose from a handful of people prone to seeing conspiracies, aided by the Internet, magnified without evidence by eager radio and cable TV hosts, and eventually ratified by a small group of Republican politicians working to keep the story alive on the floors of Congress and the campaign trails of the Midwest.
It’s a powerful story about what experts call political paranoia over a new face in a time of anxiety and rapid change — the sort of viral message that can take hold among a sliver of the populace that’s ready to believe that the new president is a fraud, and just as ready to angrily dismiss anyone who disagrees as part of the conspiracy…
…”It’s a fascinating phenomenon,” said Jerrold Post, director of the political psychology program at George Washington University’s Elliott School of International Affairs and author of a recent book entitled, “Political Paranoia.”
“They are not searching for the truth. They are searching for anything that confirms their fixed idea, their malevolent idea… It doesn’t soothe people to tell them it’s not legitimate. That makes them angry.”…
…Ultimately, the story’s taken hold with some Republicans.
Rep. Bill Posey, R-Fla. introduced a bill in the House of Representatives that would require a presidential candidate to produce a birth certificate “together with such other documentation as may be necessary” to prove natural-born citizenship. It would take effect in 2012, in time to force Obama to produce more documentation.
Posey has nine co-sponsors so far, all Republicans.
In the Senate, Sen. James Inhofe, R-Okla., told the Tulsa World he didn’t think it was a priority, but that he understood the birthers’ quest.
“I don’t discourage them from going ahead and pursuing that,” he said.
There are signs that Republicans see political risk in encouraging the birthers.
Steele distanced himself from them on Thursday. Rep. John Boehner, R-Ohio, his party’s leader in the House, said he has other priorities, and that he has no reason to believe the allegation.
angulimala
The video does exist.
The problem is that it raises more questions than answers….
Like why Michelle Obama used to look so much like Rick Astley.
LindaH
Comrade Darkness
A president must be “natural born” which precludes any weird goings on in the bedroom.
It presumably also precludes Caesarian section, episiotomy, or an epidural.
LD50
@El Cid:
Why is McClatchy so shrill?
El Cid
@LD50: It is the fault of the internets.
Comrade Darkness
It would take effect in 2012, in time to force Obama to produce more documentation.
By ORly?’s definition Romney couldn’t run. His daddy was borned in Meheeko.
Brachiator
@LD50:
You have to understand the full irrationality of the wingnut world view. For example, some birthers double downed on the birth certificate issue. Either it would show that Obama was born not born in the US or it would show that his middle name was actually “Muhammed” and that his “ethnicity” was Arabic.
The idea, as far as I can determine, is that being born Muslim is somehow genetic and inherently anti-American.
And the “taint” can also apparently be transferred by adoption, which would also negate his American citizenship and make him a foreign national. And a Muslim.
Glenn Beck is taking up the other end of this insanity by suggesting that Obama, like all blacks and most Latinos, is anti-white or anti-white culture (whatever that is).
Note, however, that the taint of being anti-white can be dissipated by becoming a Republican, especially if you demonstrate that you support the cops and support the troops. You also get bonus points if you launch a preemptive strike against any country that has ever said a bad thing about America.
The Republicans and all conservative pundits will continue to encourage this insanity in the hopes that it will help restore the GOP majority. Nothing else matters.
dmsilev
@tischer:
That question was asked and answered when Goldwater (born in Arizona when it was still a territory) ran for President in 1964.
Not that a prior case would stop the birthers.
Maybe they’ll claim that the certificate is forged because Obama really isn’t 35 years old. They’ll only consider that question settled by cutting one of his legs off and counting the rings.
-dms
LD50
@Comrade Darkness: But didn’t I read something here yesterday that said that Obama’s COLB says something like “this is valid for all legal purposes” on the bottom, and would thus fulfill the requirements of Posey’s bill?
Here’s the real question: will the Democrats actually be servile enough to vote for and allow Posey’s bill to pass? More pathetical things *have* happened…
Anne Laurie
The Bigot Party tried this one out back before the election. Unfortunately for their fevered fantasies, even if they’d been able to find “proof” that his stepfather had legally adopted Obama (which they couldn’t), American law says minor children can’t have their citizenships revoked by proxy. In other words, because Obama is an American citizen, he’d have to have formally renounced his citizenship at some point after his eighteenth birthday — just being adopted by a dirty furriner would not compromise his right to be President.
One of the best things about America is that “we” have usually chosen a *more* inclusive, rather than exclusive, philosophy of citizenship. Despite the best wishes of the Birfer/Bigots, many of whose forebearers would never have been considered Real Americans(tm) if the country had been controlled by people like Andy “No Irish Need Apply? Never Heard of It” McCarthy.
cbear
@General Winfield Stuck: “I would try and grow cookies.”
Hmmm, not sure if that will work. Send me a soil sample and I’ll check it out for you.
LD50
‘Pathetical’? Where did THAT come from??
Warren Terra
While cbear is working on that angle, send me a sample of the cookies you intend to plant and I’ll check out that angle.
HRA
“Marked by accusations and backstabbing, it’s the story of how a small but intense movement called “birthers” rose from a handful of people prone to seeing conspiracies, aided by the Internet, magnified without evidence by eager radio and cable TV hosts, and eventually ratified by a small group of Republican politicians working to keep the story alive on the floors of Congress and the campaign trails of the Midwest.”
That part of what El Cid sent from McClatchy is so appropriate tonight. Moments ago I replied to a friend from a email group who was wondering why another person in the group has started sending some off the wall articles from the internet bashing Obama, healthcare reform, the economy, etc. She has been progressively acting a bit strange for quite a while. It’s her and others like her who these birthers and their ilk are targeting. It has worked for them from the Palin campaigning. It will work for them by emulating her on any unworthy subject, too.
kth
@LD50: Obama would then have to sign it for it to become law. Since he’d almost certainly veto it, the birthers would have to come up with 2/3 supermajorities in both houses to override it. I wouldn’t worry about it.
DMD
@tischer: Doesn’t work. Hero Barry Goldwater was born when Arizona was still a territory.
cbear
@Warren Terra: Hey dude, I was serious about that soil sample.
Don’t you know that literally thousands of gooper chicken farmers have gone belly-up due to bad soil? Planted face-up or face-down, the damned chickens just kept dying.
El Cid
@DMD: Yeah, but, you know, Barry Goldwater, he was, um, he was, just different from Barack Obama, in, you know, like, an important way.
LD50
Let’s hope that Harry Reid wouldn’t view that as an opportunity to prove how bipartisan he is.
Yeesh. This is how bad it’s gotten, that that even *occurred* to me.
Mr Poindexter
It’s official. They’re now the RepubliKKKlan Party.
Warren Terra
Silly goopers. Don’t they know they’re supposed to plant the eggs?
After all, I think it works for turtles …
Ed Drone
If you moved to Auxxtralia, you’d be a “Cooky” — like in all those old (newly-written) folksongs:
“For nearly 40 years, I’ve been a Cooky,
Of drought and flood and hunger, I’ve had plenty…”
Ed
(It’s hard to type with my tongue so far into my cheek).
Zifnab
@dmsilev: Pfff. That assumes Hawaii is even actually a state (or Arizona for that matter). I haven’t seen any documentation on any of that. For all we know, the last dozen Presidents have all been frauds. I’m pretty sure we only had 13 original colonies.
What’s more, where are they even getting this talk of “The Constitution” from? Has anyone actually seen the Constitution? Not the crappy knock off in the Smithsonian. I need to see the original long form document.
windshouter
We need a law that requires Congress to certify for each child whether they are eligible to be president. That way, there will be better records when the time comes. If Congress decides when the kid is two, the opportunities for forgery are limited.
Now will the site look better?
Ben Richards
With regard to the birther issue (but not with regard to the other crappy points the writers are trying to make), the Nat Review editorial (not mccarthy’s piece, but the actual editorial which is also linked) is a fairly concise and plainly written piece on why the birther issue is a bunch of nonsense.
No wonder it pissed Mccarthy off so much…
cbear
@Warren Terra: “Plant the eggs”.
Reminds me of the two goopers talking about eggplants.
Gooper #1 had never seen an eggplant.
Gooper #2 had.
Gooper #1 wanted to know how he had gotten his head so far up the chicken’s ass.
Ba da bing.
Adrienne
@Hoya: LMAO.
Also known as:
1. Cut taxes on the rich
2. ????
3. PROFIT!!!!
Jen R
@LD50:
Is it wrong that I kind of want all of the Democrats to vote for it, and Obama to sign it with a smile? Can you imagine the knots the birthers would tie themselves into trying to fit that into their conspiracy theories?
Wile E. Quixote
So I went to the linked post at Washington Independent and then on to the original NRO piece denouncing the birther nonsense. The first sentence of the NRO denunciation is:
Hmmm, wonder if they ever wrote that during the Bush years?
LD50
@Jen R: They would point to that as an admission of guilt. Not signing it would be an admission of guilt, too.
Wile E. Quixote
If I were a Democratic strategist (which I’m not because I’m disqualified by being a vertebrate with an IQ over 40) I would be all fucking over this birther nonsense. Here are some ideas:
Wile E. Quixote
@LD50
It’s like arguing with the villagers in Monty Python and the Holy Grail
and:
Zuzu's Petals
Unbelievable. He recycles almost every debunked piece of flotsam and jetson that was floating on the cesspool surface a year ago.
If you bothered to read any of it, fact check it at debunker sites like this:
Obama Conspiracy Theories
Zuzu's Petals
jetson=jetsam
DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)
Git er right landlubber! ;)
chrome agnomen
debunked jetson reports for work at spacely sprockets.
Napoleon
NPR is beating up on Dobbs and CNN jumping into bed with the birthers in a strory that just ran. Too funny.
gex
@Anne Laurie: I saw an interesting documentary on PBS about the Chinese experience in America. The Chinese were preferred for building the railroads because black slaves were too valuable. With the Chinese you could just let them die by the bucket loads and no big deal. And having invited all these Chinese in to America to die building railroads for big business, the response by some in Congress was an attempt to amend the Constitution so that being born in America didn’t make you an American citizen.
I wonder how the Chinese went from being the kind of minority you amend the Constitution to keep them from being Americans to being white racists’ favorite minority?
Jack
The time lines, places, actions, motives, when analyzed, support, and are consistent with, what is the answer to the Obama birth puzzle:
Obama’s grandmother is his mother and his mother is his sister.
Think about it. Review all the facts and claims.
Awesom0
I wonder how the Chinese went from being the kind of minority you amend the Constitution to keep them from being Americans to being white racists’ favorite minority?
There’s the old saying: “The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, and General Tso makes himself some damn good chicken.
Now, if you’ll excuse me; I have to go use the emergency eye rinse in the lab next door. My eyes are buring after reading the birther comments from that W. Indenpendent article.
Awesom0
Obama’s grandmother is his mother and his mother is his sister.
Suggest that to Andrew Sullivan. He seems to believe it when it comes to Palin and Trig…
burnspbesq
@narvalking:
Yes. Experience has revealed that the peak is an illusion, and the search for it is Sisyphean. Everytime we think it’s been reached, within a day or two something even wingnuttier comes along.
Persia
@gex: They also fucked with immigration law, can’t remember the exact details but I think they limited families coming in.
Comrade Darkness
anti-white culture (whatever that is)
NASCAR™ and cheetoes! … and . .. I guess, also, General Tso’s Chicken!
Really though, this lack of cultural confidence is really out of whack. And I pin it on being a young colony still. Do other, older cultures have this kind of freak-out angst whenever even a whiff of criticism comes along? Really guyes, we’ve exported our culture everywhere. In Europe you hear hip hop in every language… oh. oops.
Cyrus
@LD50:
Calling Obama “Soetoro” is calling him a liar. Doesn’t matter that he’d be crazy to lie about that, to choose a name more infamous than his real one; it just imputes dishonesty to him.
Either that, or they can’t even picture someone in the White House named “Hussein.” Their mind just blocks it out. I imagine these are both contributing factors for the popularity of the phrase “Barry Soetoro” in certain circles.
Stefan
That question was asked and answered when Goldwater (born in Arizona when it was still a territory) ran for President in 1964.
Actually, I think this question was asked and answered when George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson became president. Because all of those men were born subjects of the British Empire….
Jay in Oregon
@Stefan:
The Constitution specifically exempted anyone who was a citizen of the U.S. at the time of ratification of the Constitution from the “must be a natural born citizen” rule. Article II, Section 1.
Egilsson
I’d like to see John write a diary declaring formally that he is a DFH.
He should. They were right, and are still right.
Tony J
Is there a problem with the site?
Tony J
Ah, no, I see. I just needed that cookie.
matoko_chan
Its like a horror movie…where the shaking and terrified conservative protagonists creep closer and closer to the scary door with blood leaking from under it…the psychic tension is unbearable….and then….they finally fling open the door and recoil in stomach-churning horror!
the door reveals….. this graph correlated with SAT/ACT scores by region.
Johnny Pez
You want to know the real reason Obama won’t release his super-secret real actual original birth certificate?
It’s because there are five of them!