The Corner has kind of let me down today (not as nutty about the Nobel as I had hoped), but the Washington Post PostPartisan is a goldmine. This may be less funny than Ed Nick Gillespie’s star turn on Reason tv:
In a stunning announcement, Millard Fillmore Senior High School chose Shawn Rabinowitz, an incoming junior, as next year’s valedictorian. The award was made, the valedictorian committee announced from Norway of all places, on the basis of “Mr. Rabinowitz’s intention to ace every course and graduate number one in class.” In a prepared statement, young Shawn called the unprecedented award, “f—ing awesome.”
At the same time, and amazingly enough, the Pulitzer Prize for Literature went to Sarah Palin for her stated intention “to read a book someday.” The former Alaska governor was described as “floored” by the award, announced in Stockholm by nude Swedes beating themselves with birch branches, and insisted that while she was very busy right now, someday she would make good on her vow to read a book. “You’ll see,” she said from her winter home in San Diego.
[….]The sudden spate of awards based on intentions or plans or aspirations was attributed to the decision by the Norwegian Nobel committee to award the peace prize to Barack Obama for his efforts in nuclear disarmament and his outreach to the Muslim world. (The committee said next year it will honor a Muslim who reaches out to the non-Muslim world.) Some cynics suggested that Obama’s award was a bit premature since, among other things, a Middle East peace was as far away as ever and the world had yet to fully disarm. Nonetheless, the president seemed humbled by the news and the Norwegian committee packed for its trip to the United States, where it will appear on Dancing with the Stars.
I think it’s time for a contest: who can find the least funny attempt to satirize Obama’s Nobel Prize award?
Update. I defy anyone to top this attempted joke by Ann Althouse:
Update. So much fail from Stuffy.
Bill Rutherford, Princeton Admissions
I don’t see how you could top Mark Steyn’s child rape jokes.
calipygian
This is pretty cool (via Fallows). Just goes to show that you can predict wingers as easily as sunrise/sunset:
For the record, this was posted at 1030 in the morning. Also for the record, I saw Chris “Cheney Fellator” Wallace repeat number seven almost verbatim less than two hours ago on Fux.
dmsilev
Yes, but Richard Cohen is funny. He told us so himself.
-dms
Zifnab
But he made fun of Sarah Palin. That means this was bipartisan. Or something.
r€nato
That’s going to be a tall order, considering how difficult it is to distinguish right-wing ‘humor’ from right-wing spittle-flecked rants.
freelancer
This entry from Jacksonville FL’s paper is pretty stupid but the Putin line made me laugh.
SpotWeld
Can I call dibs on the next Day by Day comic?
Joel
I think someone posted an unfunny Palin = Literature satire in the threads here somewhere. That’s my nomination (so far).
Bill Rutherford, Princeton Admissions
True – I don’t know if the DWTS reference is a swipe at Tom DeLay, or just idiocy.
DougJ
That’s going to be a tall order, considering how difficult it is to distinguish right-wing ‘humor’ from right-wing spittle-flecked rants.
I don’t expect the winning entry to come from a winger necessarily.
SpotWeld
@DougJ:
Good point… SNL is a prime canidate here too…
Sarcastro
I was going to start a war, engage in illegal bombings of neutral nations and then get my peace prize for ending the war a couple of years before the war actually ends… but then I realized Kissinger already got that one.
Keith
We are all witless, rug-wearing hacks now.
Loneoak
So next year they are going to give the award to Barack Obama for having lunch with the Pope?
General Winfield Stuck
Haven’t been keeping up with the wingeratti reaction to this award navel gazing lappalooza. I suspect the Nobel committee was thinking the same thing as me and millions of other, or billions likely, happy that Obama is the US Presnit, or, thank the good lord you won and tha George Bush is history.
Obama handled it just right and even Pat Buchanan is astonished that people are now bashing O for something he had nothing to do with. I just hhope taking the spotlight off Harry Reid doesn’t cause him to pull the rug out from under Health Care reform.
mistermix
Too easy — Richard Cohen is never, ever funny. He should be eliminated from the contest.
Ed Gillespie is probably a lot funnier than Nick, btw.
twiffer
if peace in the middle east and complete nuclear disarmament are the criteria for getting the nobel peace prize, no one would ever win it.
calipygian
Obama is giving the money to charity. I hope it is Acorn because I LUVS me some brain splatter.
Prattlehorn
What’s telling is that the elaborateness of thes “satires” bespeaks a truly deep-seated grievance that this n***er is gettin’ way, way too uppity. How much does Obama’s Nobel have to upset you before you spew out a 500-word parody?
Oh, and it’s Nobel Affirmative Action. FTW!
Jay B.
Everything submitted here — including the comments:
http://blogs.abcnews.com/george/2009/10/best-obamanobel-jokes.html
Not a single laugh.
r€nato
Last week, the international community was showing it was sick of Obama too by rejecting Chicago’s Olympic bid.
This week, the international community is showing how much it is in the tank for Obama because he’s a weak, wimpy socialist just like they are.
So which is it?
(these are the essence of actual comments I’ve seen on Facebook, from wingnut friends of friends of mine)
r€nato
@Prattlehorn:
That nigra needs to be taken down a peg or two.
/wingnut
Zifnab
@calipygian: They’ll complain no matter what. Smart money says if he gives it to a military charity this only highlights how he’s not doing enough for the troops, and if he doesn’t give it to a military charity, he hates the troops.
Zifnab
@Jay B.: Wow. Yikes. See, Reason ain’t look’n half bad now, is it?
Isn’t Stephanopolasaurs the guy that runs the “Sunday Funnies” at the end of his show? Did absolutely nothing rub off?
Ash
Snark fail makes me sad. :(
Midnight Marauder
So that is what Hanna Rosin looks like.
Fitting.
whetstone
Does someone thoughtful and brave want to transcribe the Althouse joke? Please don’t make me watch it.
calipygian
@Zifnab: If he gives it to Planned Parenthood, maybe K-Lo will join a nunnery and take a vow of silence.
gizmo
I wonder if anyone on the Right is going to wake up sometime in the coming year and realize that “hey, we’re just a bunch of ignorant, juvenile dickheads standing on the sidelines making lame jokes while other people do the real work of governing.”
One can hope….
mistermix
@whetstone: The joke is
Why didn’t Obama win the Nobel prize for Literature?
Because he wrote two books.
mai naem
I hope he splits the money up and donates it to – ACORN, Jeremiah Wright’s church, the ACLU, Bill Clinton’s Climate Change Initiative, the Southern Poverty Law Center, a Mosque preferably connected to Malcolm X, B’nai B’rth and a Hindu Temple.
General Winfield Stuck
thanks Dougj. Christ, Althouse just took all the starch out of my day. She’d be perfect for John Lurie’s next deadpan comedy flick.
whetstone
Dammit, I gave in. Rosin’s expression was perfect.
Makewi
I’m happy for him, but in truth I voted for Michael Jackson.
r€nato
*groan*
@whetstone:
I got as far as Ann muffing the punchline of the “joke”:
Q: “Why didn’t Obama win the Nobel prize for literature?”
A: “Because he has written two books.”
And then she tried explaining it. And it almost sort of made sense but then my head hurt and I quit watching and now I feel stupider for having seen it.
DougJ
Why didn’t Obama win the Nobel prize for Literature?
I was really hoping her punch line would be “because Bill Ayers wrote his book”, btw.
strawmanmunny
A lot of people are feeling green today.
Makewi
If they follow the current model, that moment will come the moment the next Republican is elected POTUS. The circle of political life.
Polish the Guillotines
My eyes and ears are hemorrhaging fail.
El Cid
Even if you don’t understand Spanish, this video is cute of Obama’s biggest fans in Colombia celebrating his Nobel Peace Prize.
They had a parade. In Turbaco, Colombia. Has anyone here held a parade for Obama’s Nobel Prize?
Zifnab
@calipygian: Haha. More like she’ll join whatever it is that makes you take a Vow of Never Shutting The Fuck Up.
Zifnab
Christ on a good damn cracker, that was a horrible joke. Please tell me Ann was just taking a delve into anti-humor and coming up short.
Midnight Marauder
@DougJ:
But then it might have actually been funny, which would have then caused your computer to spontaneously combust.
Shell
“But, but, he hasn’t done anything! It’s too soon. Affirmative Nobel Prize Action (snicker-snicker)”
Have any of these morons bothered to read what the Nobel committee has stated were their reasons for awarding it to Obama?
No, no. Those Europeans (and it’s funny how the RW lumps an entire continent together) just want to embarress poor old George Bush.
Plus bonus whine- “Why didn’t Reagan ever win a NPP? He single handedly won the cold war. Didn’t he?”
El Cid
Brave Atlanta free speech crusader fights for his right to keep a sign out front his awesome restaurant saying “Obama’s Plan for Health Care: N***er Rig It,” which has less to do with his mannequin of a KKK guy inside than it does with his 2005 NAACP membership card.
Longtime attention whore:
Why do liberal Democrats keep injecting race into these discussions? It’s unfair. And racist.
General Winfield Stuck
@Makewi:
Corrected version
that moment will cum the moment the next Republican is elected POTUS. The circle-jerk of political life.
For accuracy and all.
linda
goodness, that colored fella sure does drive all those privileged white folks crazy, doesn’t he.
i certainly was looking forward to an awesome display of peak wingnut, but i swear i had no idea it would be so widespread… lol.
BDeevDad
Steve Hartman on sports radio in LA (570 KLAC) was going on about Vince Young being voted into the Hall of Fame because he aspires to get in.
Jay in Oregon
@Jay B.:
Wow, that is a steaming pile of fail.
That’s one of the “Best” Obama-Nobel jokes? Really?
JGabriel
r€nato:
How cool is it that Conservatives are siding with the IOC and against the Nobel committee, given that Nobels are pretty widely respected and the IOC is usually thought of as pretty corrupt?
.
JGabriel
r€nato:
How cool is it that Conservatives are siding with the IOC and against the Nobel committee, given that Nobels are pretty widely respected and the IOC is usually thought of as pretty corrupt?
(*Corrected spelling to escape moderation — changed the lower case “L” to an upper case “i”.)
.
jl
From the US wingnut and Villager point of view, the whole idea of a Nobel Peace prize awarded to a US public official doesn’t make any sense, unless it is for the peace that comes after the last girder falls into the rubble, and the lamentations of their women fade into silence after the next land that the US has righteously vanquished. So who cares what they say?
My first reaction was the award was odd, and I sympathized with the comment that it was aspirational. Obama more or less said that it was.
From the viewpoint of much of the rest of the world, maybe the fact that the current US president IS anyone but Bush is not a joke, and changes Obama has already made to US foreign policy is accomplishment enough. But everything has to be about US, right, so I guess that angle can be ruled out as irrelevant by all Very Serious People.
I am not impressed with snide and flip jokes about the prize. But it is perfectly fine with me that bad and lame snide and flip jokes are coming from the usual suspects. If this prize was a poor decision, the Village and wingnut jokes are worse.
BDeevDad
James Pethokoukis:
Shorter Pethokoukis: Obama would earn the prize if he supported more tax cuts.
JGabriel
mistermix (Summarizing Althouse’s joke):
God, conservative humor is just so lame. Of course, it’s possible that liberals simply have better material to work with. For instance:
.
slag
Well…at least we’ve moved on from “Obama’s doing too much!” to “Obama hasn’t done anything at all!”. It’s enough to give a relatively sane person whiplash.
Zifnab
@JGabriel:
Just more Chicago-style politics, if you ask me.
Svensker
Complete OT, but Bitsy is at 1919. Let’s get her over 2000!
Voteski, Comrades!
linda
How cool is it that Conservatives are siding with the IOC and against the Nobel committee, given that Nobels are pretty widely respected and the IOC is usually thought of as pretty corrupt?
also too funny is conservatives aligning themselves with the taliban to denounce obama’s win..
Demo Woman
President Obama has sent out an email recognizing the Nobel Peace Prize.
To be honest, I do not feel that I deserve to be in the company of so many of the transformative figures who’ve been honored by this prize — men and women who’ve inspired me and inspired the entire world through their courageous pursuit of peace.
But I also know that throughout history the Nobel Peace Prize has not just been used to honor specific achievement; it’s also been used as a means to give momentum to a set of causes.
That is why I’ve said that I will accept this award as a call to action, a call for all nations and all peoples to confront the common challenges of the 21st century. These challenges won’t all be met during my presidency, or even my lifetime. But I know these challenges can be met so long as it’s recognized that they will not be met by one person or one nation alone.
This award — and the call to action that comes with it — does not belong simply to me or my administration; it belongs to all people around the world who have fought for justice and for peace. And most of all, it belongs to you, the men and women of America, who have dared to hope and have worked so hard to make our world a little better.
So today we humbly recommit to the important work that we’ve begun together. I’m grateful that you’ve stood with me thus far, and I’m honored to continue our vital work in the years to come.
Demo Woman
@slag: lol
slag
@Demo Woman: Yeah. He expressed similar sentiments in his acceptance speech. It’s an inspiring response.
ilsita
It’s just freakin stunning to me how unselfaware these people are.
Back when I was just starting to pay attention to politics – I guess 20 years ago! – a friend said to me, “If you’re trying to understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats, just ask yourself: if you were lost, blind and naked in the woods, and had to choose a random member of one party to lead you out, which one would it be?”
From that moment on, I’ve never had much question that there was a difference between the two parties. If one person were to be chosen at random from either pool, I would choose a Democrat in a hot second. The odds are much better you’d get someone who’d pull out a compass and a map, rather than a gun and a diaper (or a Bible).
These guys don’t know the difference between Going Galt from Going Jack (Lord of the Flies).
And now, with this bald screaming animosity toward the Peace Prize award, I’m even more convinced of the utter Lack of Grace these people possess. I wish I could remember the exact quote off the top of my head – I read it in one of Wm. Blake’s letters many years ago. He said something to the effect that if you hate another person for their accomplishments, then you hate God. (I could probably write a paper on what he meant by that, but the essence of it is that every person possesses divine creative potential. If you hate someone for honoring that potential and making good on it by working to manifest it, then you hate the divine.)
I mean, these stupid religionist crackers are choosing to debase themselves in order to deny someone else’s achievement. They’ve got some seriously ugly little hearts.
Not only that, but… why are they even giving this the time of day? Ostensibly, they don’t give a good goddamn what the rest of the world thinks, right? They think that what the rest of the world thinks is lame and irrelevant. They already know that the rest of the world likes Obama, so the fact that the rest of the world honored him shouldn’t even make them blink. What do they want? If one of their own won a Nobel Peace Prize, would they return it, saying that they don’t recognize the honor from the big faggy world?
Obama Death Panel Chairman (formerly glocksman)
@SpotWeld:
Day by Day used to be pretty good but over the last year and a half or so, he’s pretty much ceased trying to be funny and preaches instead.
mclaren
Actually, that satire sounds pretty reasonable to me. Obama is continuing one pointless lost war and escalating another one. Peace? What peace?
On the other hand, it’s worth it just to watch the far-right kooks’ heads explode. Plus, it sort of makes up for the unbelievable amounts of envenomed hate and vitriol being hurled at him.
Makewi
Next up, soap box derby championships!
Ash
You know something the rest of us don’t?
SenyorDave
I realized the basic fact is that the Wingnuts hate Obama more than they love America. New slogan:
Hating America since January 20, 2009
freelancer
@Ash:
He bombed the moon today. Didn’t you catch that?
In space, no one can hear you scream…the word “Quagmire”.
lamh31
Damn radicals!!!
Pope Congratulates Obama on Nobel Prize
Makewi
@ilsita:
If I was you, I’d stay out of the woods. Naked, sighted or otherwise, I’d suggest eaten by a bear is a highly likely outcome for one so reliant on caricature for molding a world view. If you choose to ignore this advice, and you do encounter a bear, Run! I don’t care if it does have a piknik basket, it means you harm.
Mojotron
I haven’t seen suck this painful since I got my wang caught in the Dyson.
Accidentally, of course.
General Winfield Stuck
@Makewi:
No, next up. Lamest GOP Troll./ Don’t worry, you been nominated. Get plenty of rest, that Flugelhorn dude is righteous, but I say you be the lamest of the lame.
It shall be coined The Nobel For Wingnut Wankerist
Makewi
@SenyorDave:
See the advice I gave to ilsita, as I am sure being bear scat is one possible future for you as well.
Makewi
@General Winfield Stuck:
I give you meaning. I am the wind beneath your wings. It’s very touching
slag
@SenyorDave: To paraphrase Jon Stewart: Republicans love America. And hate everyone in it.
ilsita
@Ash:
I assume mclaren is talking about Afghanistan…
But I can imagine that when you’re in the process of trying to clean up someone else’s bloody fubar — and by bloody fubar, I mean that things are worse than they were before — just leaving is a little more complex than just leaving.
Idunno. Set me straight on this.
freelancer
@Mojotron:
TMI
General Winfield Stuck
@Makewi:
Just don’t fuck it up Scarlett. But then how could you.
c u n d gulag
Please, the next time, condense this stupidity down to a couple of minutes. I watched for about 3 minutes and realized that I’d rather stick my dangling privates in a blender than watch more than 2 minutes of this shit.
If you continue these kinds of video’s without editing them, I’ll be sure to be a “Darwin Award Winner,” either for emasculating myself, or suicide.
ericblair
@freelancer: He bombed the moon today. Didn’t you catch that?
Well, we waterboarded that Chalabi guy and he finally told us where Saddam’s WMDs were. So there. WOLVERINES!
Ash
@ilsita: There’s plenty of people who want ALL the troops to withdraw NOW (Michael Moore being one of them) which is basically one of the worst possible ideas ever.
LD50
@Makewi: I would ask you what exactly is inaccurate about ilsita’s post, tho I imagine that you’re a bit too busy with your “I’m so much better than all you libs” preening to give us a coherent answer.
Another hint: I can tell you’re trying real hard to be ‘funny’, but it’s failing miserably. And it ain’t a substitute for making sense.
Jason Bylinowski
Oy! I actually had to turn off that Althouse video; the sheer unscripted awkwardness on display was actually making me cringe.
When all is said and done though, Erick Erickson’s comment (which I’m quite sure you’ve all read by now) wins the day as far as worst joke.
One could put scare quotes around joke but I’ll spare you.
ilsita
@Makewi:
Haha, Makewi, Thanks for proving everything I have ever thought or said. I actually grew up in the Maine woods — seriously, right in the middle of the woods. With bears! You’re not supposed to run.
But, you know, I was taking for granted that I wouldn’t have to spoonfeed “analogy” to anyone. Do you need a little help with that?
cokane
that has to be one of the dumbest videos I have ever seen. It seems clear that Althouse is still fixated on the Olympics. I really couldn’t stand their stupid when they started accusing Europeans of looking down on America and being ignorant of it, but then proceed to do the very same thing to Europe. :[ These are self-styled moderates too. But their vacuous idiots.
Makewi
@LD50:
Yes, imagining things is your strong suit. Correctly identifying reality is where you have trouble.
Bill Jones
Do you have any candidates for people who have killed more people than Obama in the last 9 months?
Inquiring minds want to know who these war criminals are.
Makewi
@ilsita:
Oh honey, we both know I “proved” everything you ever thought or said before I even thought to say anything. I like that you think I didn’t get the analogy.
Thanks for the tip about the bears though.
LD50
@Makewi: You’re not really one for answering questions, are you?
But don’t worry, your bear scat jokes are so witty, they totally make up for it. We all think so.
ilsita
@Ash:
Ash, I’m a real die-hard peacenik, and this one has me stumped. I imagine I’d have to really get educated on a hojillion things in order to understand what’s really going on over there, and to form an opinion about what I think we should do.
From what I understand, things are more volatile in Afghanistan now than they were before we got there, which means, I think, that we can’t just pack it in all at once and leave them to it. We’ve got some responsibility now. How to honor that responsibility? It seems impossible. I can’t imagine what the reasonable thing to do could be.
Penfold
Broady speaking, the stupidity of the wingers goes without saying, and I would like for them all to just shut up now.
But there’s also this:
I came late to the party on this one and was totally shocked by the vitriol directed by a few at everyone on the original Nobel thread who thought the award might be premature. I understand part of the point of the award is “encouragement,” but even so.
ilsita
@Makewi:
Goodlord, Poopie, you have the wit of a pounded thumb.
Just remember, if you survive a bear attack, thank a Democrat!
General Winfield Stuck
@ilsita:
OUCH!
ilsita
@General Winfield Stuck:
The actual phrase is “he’s number than a pounded thumb” — as in “numb” — you know, without sensation. But when you write it out like that it reads wrong, like “numbers” — and I didn’t trust makewi to read it correctly, so I altered it a bit.
I do hope this little colloquiallism goes toward reinforcing my Maine woods cred.
Martin
Ok, this is pretty funny considering the source:
H/T to TPM
Will
None of those jokes on Steph’s list–NOT ONE OF THEM–was funny. I mean, at all.
God those sucked.
Really, those were just fucking horrible.
Ok, I just read them again. Those really are the lamest things to happen since George Stephanopoulos. Good lord.
Makewi
@ilsita:
I think you have us confused. I’m not the one grouping people into imaginary boxes where those with stars on their bellies are sooper kool and those without like totally suck, and stuff.
Yutsano
@freelancer: In space, no one can hear you scream…the word “Quagmire”.
GIGGITY!
(sorry, had to be done)
ilsita
It’s “kewl,” not “kool.”
The next time you don’t get pwned, remember to thank a Democrat!
Chi-city
Congrats President Obama. It is hard to fathom such a recognition 1 year into his Presidency. With a lot of steps into but not yet completion of his campaign promises. The one thing that Obama deserves an award for so far is patience. He has tried so very hard to allow for good ideas to bubble up. Any good ideas from any source. That is where I think the Republicans have failed. If they had challenged Obama at every turn with solid ideas that would have really caused Obama to pause. Instead they have crossed him with party ending babble. Who cares about the Republicans anymore? I am more afraid of the militia. They are a joke. Get out of the way. Serious work being done here.
Batocchio
Let’s remember that Althouse opposed the teaching of literature (when pressed she specified at the high school level), because, um, she claimed non-fiction was more interesting and kids could read lit on their own time.
She is also a professor, somehow.
Batocchio
Also, Cohen isn’t even lame dad joke funny. (Plus, he’s a stupid douchebag.)
bayville
Lame joke by Althouse is redundant.
But you can bet her pearls of wisdom regarding the Peace Prize will end up in a Kurtz or Andy Alexander column this week.
Keithly
@94 For Maine cred I’ve always been fond of: “Number than a hake” and “Not the sharpest tool in the shop” with ‘sharpest’ pronounced ‘shaapest’ where ‘aa’ is approximately the same ‘a’ sound as in ‘at’. These distinctions are important when you’re kickin’ it downeast.
By the way, why is there a submit button at the bottom? Don’t you all realize that ‘submit’ is a direct translation of ‘Islam’ ?! Are you all crypto-mohammedans here ?! Wait til I tell Eric son of Eric!
Tom Degan
The moon – that nocturnal inspiration to poets and lovers for centuries – was viciously attacked yesterday morning at 7:31 EST by Muslim terrorist Barack HUSSEIN Obama and his co-conspirators within THE GOVERNMENT.
A clear message has been sent by this radical jihadist to good and decent people everywhere. There is no room for misinterpretation: if they can target the moon – THE MOON! – in such a ghastly and unprovoked matter, it proves – conclusively – that Main Street is not safe. All of us are vulnerable to their insidious wickedness and villainy. Our children must be protected from the radical, hideous agenda of this man and his vile administration. Mark my words, my fellow Americans – today the moon, tomorrow Anytown, USA. OH, THE HUMANITY!
Where will it all end? What sinister plans does he have in store for Christendom? Don’t say you weren’t warned, America! Don’t you dare say you weren’t given ample notice of this Kenyan-born extremist’s evil intentions for us. I can see it now: Death Panels! Communist Medicine! An abortion clinic in every public school! Generations of innocent American schoolchildren forced to memorize entire paragraphs of the autobiography of Malcolm X! I have seen the future, my friends. It is bleak. Very very bleak.
But seriously folks….
http://www.tomdegan.blogspot.com
Tom Degan
Goshen, NY
ilsita
@Keithly:
Here’s another one for you: a few weeks ago, my dad was commenting on the storm that was blowing in, and he said, “The sky’s blacker than a whore’s heart.” In the winter he says, “It’s colder’n a zip’s ass out there!” (or, “theyah” — and no, I don’t know what a zip is.)
Wile E. Quixote
Shorter Ann Althouse