I know Attaturk has named Richard Cohen America’s Concern Troll, but his latest effort today really cements the lifetime achievement award.
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by John Cole| 99 Comments
This post is in: Media, Clown Shoes
I know Attaturk has named Richard Cohen America’s Concern Troll, but his latest effort today really cements the lifetime achievement award.
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Minionero
I really, really, really don’t want to click that link.
raptusregaliter
Short version: Concern troll is concerned.
Omnes Omnibus
Cole, you owe me 7+ minutes of my life back – the one spent reading that swill and the subsequent several spent in violent recriminations against myself for clicking. I may bill you for the counseling as well.
superluminar
To be fair to Cohen (yeah, I know…), he does offer this:
but it isn’t enough to eradicate the aftertaste of vomit from this:
Cat Lady
Richard Cohen is concerned that Obama doesn’t exhibit the worst tendencies of Bush and Clinton? OK. What a fucking tool. Can WaPo please die now? Please?!
Balconesfault
He does sneak smokes, apparently. Whatever.
But let’s just say that a tempramental, cursing, sloppily dressed black guy who checks out white women around him would have had as much chance getting elected POTUS as he would getting elected Grand Wizard.
Max
As a palate cleanser after that mess, I offer the following:
Reggie Love is Seksi
Besides the Reggie photo, I like the ones with Joey B.
Omnes Omnibus
Perhaps the WaPo is turning into a giant black hole of fail such that when it eventually disappears up its own ass, it will take Cohen, K-hammer, Kristol, et al. with it.
inkadu
Colonel Sanders has a column?
Mike in NC
Cohen needs a bigger fainting couch
Minionero
@Balconesfault
Pace Cohen, Obama truly is a badass. Not only does he sneak smokes, he also checks out other women and is, as far as I know, the only president to ever kill a living thing with his bare hands on national television.
Kryptik
@Omnes Omnibus:
All that needs to happen is the eventual firing of Robinson, Dionne, and Klein. You know it’s coming too, especially after Klein had the temerity to talk back to big papa Gerson.
dmsilev
Can someone send a string of (fake) pearls to Mr. Cohen? It seems he desperately needs to clutch them.
Also, some smelling salts would be good.
-dms
Omnes Omnibus
@dmsilev: And a fainting couch.
flukebucket
The Jews are having second thoughts!!!
Nutella
Mostly he seems to be saying that he watched a dull movie with no ‘narrative arc’ and that it’s all Obama’s fault.
Winning an election isn’t a narrative arc?
A movie that made him cry is dull?
The weirdest thing about it is that anyone wasted any newspaper space on this nothing.
tomvox1
Money quote: “…and the Jews are having second thoughts.” Oh, those monolithic Jews–always thinking and acting as one!
raptusregaliter
Dickie’s at the point where he really should just start off every column with: “I have such a case of the vapors…”
Demo Woman
But if he fails in all or most of that, it will be because it is not enough to be the smartest person in the room. Warmth and commitment matter, too — a driving sense of conviction, the fulsome embrace of causes and not just issues.
Shorter Cohen Bring back the Dick in the Bush.
Gus
I got the idea from reading the comments. I don’t read Cohen any more. I have better ways to waste time.
Alan
At least there wasn’t any mention of the importance for Obama to end the WH war on Fox News and finally allow Chris Wallace to interview him. /barf
tomvox1
@Minionero:
Checking out that lady’s derriere must have been due to the pernicious influence of Sarkozy. Is Obama too close to the French? Is he, in fact, actually French? Why can’t he scope out tail when he’s not on the world stage? Was it all just for the cameras? And why is he so mean to Fox News that he is not checking out Greta Van Susteren’s culito? These and more insightful insights coming soon to a WaPo column near you!
different church-lady
Now be fair John: Cohen doesn’t get to to do columns about his pets or his dinner when he’s got nothin’.
asiangrrlMN
@Omnes Omnibus: I’m with Omnes Omnibus (and what an awesome user name). You fucking owe us, Cole. You could have given us the shorter version and stuck this under the tag, “Things I read so you don’t have to”, but no. I clicked on the link and now must drink heavily to erase that putrid column from my mind. Thanks.
different church lady, I read your comment as Cohen doesn’t do columns about pets and dinner…and I thought, “Well, he should!”
inkadu
@Gus:
Minesweeper: 1
Richard Cohen: 0
Unabogie
I got about two paragraphs in before I couldn’t take any more. I think the most offensive part of that was…was…er…oh fuck it, I can’t remember a single sentence I just read.
Boring dreck is more offensive than offensive dreck could ever be.
LoveMonkey
So many levels of this thing.
First level, Cohen is an established idiot who has long ago lost any credibility with me. If he said the sun was due to come up tomorrow morning, I’d be out buying flashlight batteries.
Second level, the punditocracy and its weird relationship with the presidency and with reality. Between Reagan, the two Bushes, and Clinton, we have had the better part of thirty years of crazy, stupid, lying, warmongering, demagogic, egotistical and self serving personalities in the White House. Now we have a really sane, rational, calm person in the job. One who doesn’t have a warped view of his place in the world or of the application of power, and the pundits don’t seem to be able to deal with it. Maybe a few decades of crazy government have ruined the pundit business? I don’t know. My earliest memories of this stuff were of listening to Walter Winchell on the radio, so sometimes I think we are just treading water.
Third level, with all the stuff there is in the world to think about today ….. Richard Cohen? Let’s talk about Karzai. Or how about a national press that follows an oversized birthday party balloon all afternoon and never questions whether it has the lifting power to carry a 36 pound child inside itself, in a bag of helium, for all that time, and even if it did, wouldn’t the child be dead of suffocation? What I mean is, nobody ever asked the most obvious questions, they just prattled on about the thing as if the bizarro story made any sense whatever. Which it never did. I think Balloon-Juice, which has a vested interest in the world’s response to balloons, could launch a little balloon and claim that the Nobel Prize Committee were trapped inside, and get an afternoon of coverage on tv. If you don’t think so, then let’s run the experiment and see what happens.
Persia
@Nutella: Yeah, it’s pretty impressive: Obama’s so powerful he makes movies about him boring! Didn’t this guy watch The War Room? Clinton was hardly even in that, and he didn’t make out with any ladies in it either. (Not on camera anyway.)
It’s shocking, but movies are still not real life. Even documentaries!
slag
When will it occur to these people that once you’ve written two memoirs, gone through several fairly intense political campaigns, and have been stalked by the likes of Richard Cohen for a couple of years, there’s probably not a whole lot more about you to know? Of course, there’s still Amy Sullivan’s pastor sniffing to look forward to, not to mention Orly Taitz’s search for the Holy Grail of lost birth certificates, but really…what are people like Cohen expecting to find out? That Obama does hate white people and “white culture” after all? Has there ever been this much unsparked interest in a President’s private life before?
Librarian
If Cohen really wants to concern troll, he would join in the hand wringing over the WH’s attacks on Fox News. Democrats are fighting back against GOP attacks!!! They can’t do that, that’s against the rules! They look mean! Get me my smelling salts! oh, the horror!
LoveMonkey
@different church-lady:
Please enter my subscription to your newsletter, your post has made me all tingly with its goodness.
Seriously.
inkadu
Speaking of not speaking about Afghanistan… I wonder if Obama withheld troops to force Karzai to accept a run off.
Though I don’t know how I know Karzai’s recent election was riddled with fraud; certainly not by reading Richard Cohen.
Though I shouldn’t single Cohen out. Afghan elections saturated the news cycle right up until fraud allegations began, then nothing.
It doesn’t help that Kerry is the point man on this in Afhanistan. He’s soooooo stiff and boring. We should have sent Bush.
calling all toasters
Shorter Cohen: Obama should have written an autobiography filled with the kind of crises *regular* Presidents have.
matt
I love that some people still can’t quite come to terms with the fact that our President isn’t a douche bag. I love even more that it’s his fault.
Maude
@inkadu: WIN
over_educated
Holy crap the washingtonpost is on a roll:
http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/guestvoices/2009/10/secular_saboteurs.html?hpid=talkbox1
LoveMonkey
@over_educated:
Shorter Donahue: Fuckin’ queers!
schrodinger's cat
@Librarian:
Don’t worry Ruth Marcus is already doing that.
Shinobi
@over_educated:
Wow, Just Wow.
Good thing that the spawn of religious conservatives often turn out to be Secular Sabateurs themselves. Sorry Mom.
catclub
over_educated@36
But the comments are uniformly against Donohue’s
right wing ranting.
‘Holy crap’ pun intended.
Leelee for Obama
@over_educated: A warning that Bill Donahue penned this screed would have been nice. As a recovering Catholic School child, I have to limit my exposure to this sort of thing, or risk weeks, perhaps months, of flashbacks requiring me to sleep endlessly and cry a lot.
thxkbye
John PM
I could not even make it past the title.
BTW, the column showed up on my screen in extremely large print? Did this happen to anyone else? Is this the Washington Post’s implicit acknowledgement that the remainder of its readership needs large print because of their advancing age?
Da Bomb
Oh my god, so just because so just because our President is obnoxously articulate, can actually read, loves his wife, and seems like a great father, Cohen is concerned.
Damn Obama!! Why doesn’t he have an oxycontin addiction like that wannabe plantation owner Rush Limpballs.
Why!! Damn… Damn… Damn!!!
Little Dreamer
@over_educated:
Thanks for the link. I have to wonder about his protection of religion though. When a Bible which used to be a collection of writings that originally only contain that part that we now call the Old Testament now contains a New Testament and Lucifer is described as the “son of the morning” while Jesus (who is considered an equal of God) is described as “the bright and morning star”, and the Ten Commandments say “thou shalt have no other gods before me” while Jesus states there are only Two Commandments, I’m not so sure that I would call that “intellectually spent”.
Midnight Marauder
@over_educated:
And that is as far as I got.
over_educated
Yeah, i should of added a disclaimer, that Bill Donahue column is all kinds of crazy. He compares homosexuals to the Marquis de sade!!! I guess I can cross “totally delusional” off of the list of “things that will prevent you from getting a column in The Post.”
Persia
@catclub: I like I’m tired of all of the people with crushed testes profaning sacred places.
asiangrrlMN
@Shinobi: This is all I read (your blockquote) and some of the comments. I am glad if not amazed to see that most of the comments excoriate Donahue. I have to agree, though, that it might be satire. Would he really write that part about breeding like rabbits?
chrismealy
That was the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever read. John wasn’t kidding.
bago
Actual quote.
Midnight Marauder
Would that be the Reverend Jesse Jackson, Mr. Donahue?
Un.fucking.real.
4jkb4ia
OK, IMHO David Brooks with nothing to write about actually is better than Richard Cohen with nothing to write about. You can tell that David Brooks has nothing to write about because you have heard what he actually writes ten times already so it is simply a waste of time.
At least some of the voters thought what they were getting was someone who is a thinker, a controlled person, and doesn’t trust his gut. This makes me think of an old David Brooks column on dignity, however mocked. During the Federalist Era open displays of passion would not necessarily be expected from politicians.
kommrade reproductive vigor
Shorter Rickie Cohen: This black dude is nice, calm, clean and articulate. WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM?!?!
@over_educated: Can’t wait for the guest piece from Rev. Phred Felch.
???
His scoreboard is broken.
!!!
At least he only said walking dogs (that evil un-American activity)
Looks like we’ll have to open the bathhouses (all four of them, we’ll get the adress from Bill D.) to teh heterosex to keep up with teh Konservatives. How does Wednesday work for everyone?
rachel
@chrismealy: The thing over_educated linked to is at least as dumb and far more bilious.
slag
@kommrade reproductive vigor: And what the hell is a bathhouse? It seems to have been left out of my Secularist Saboteur handbook.
4jkb4ia
And today David Brooks shames Richard Cohen with a pretty good column, even if it is on one of his old tropes.
CalD
People need to relax a little. That includes everyone.
Shinobi
@CalD:
Yes, clearly, relaxing will solve all the worlds problems.
bago
@CalD: That’s what the bathhouses are for, no?
kay
Richard Cohen is more boring than even Ruth Marcus.
They’re both stalwart protectors of the status quo and conventional thinking, their columns would be interchangeable, but a lot of the time she’s flat-out nasty.
Leelee for Obama
@kay: Ruth still has a couple hormones, I guess!
kay
I didn’t really understand the column.
I think he’s upset that the documentary wasn’t like a movie.
Or that real life isn’t like a movie?
He’s hoping that real life will end like a movie about a President might end, although the documentary didn’t end like a movie might end, so he’s not banking on that.
Either. Or. And.
I think Richard Cohen must be really, really disappointed, all the time.
phoebes-in-santa fe
“The Jews” are having “second thoughts”?
Hey, I’m Jewish and I’m not having “second thoughts” about Obama. I supported him last year and will continue to do so. I don’t know of any other Jews who are having “second thoughts”, either. Cohen’s an idjit. Maybe he should just move down to South Carolina and live with those other two idjits who are – somewhat – apologising for their remarks the other day about Jewish “thriftiness”.
kay
@Leelee for Obama:
I read her columns waiting for the really nasty sentence. It’s usually in there.
Why do I always get the feeling pundits are complete assholes in real life?
Remember when that story came out that Brooks and Dodd were bitching about Michelle Obama’s wardrobe when they shared a cab ?
I thought that was revealing. They’re basically petty, sniping assholes.
I can’t believe they were gossiping about her dress. What’s the combined yearly income in that cab, between those two? This is what they talk about?
I hope you’re hanging in Leelee, and the work-training search is going well.
R-Jud
@asiangrrlMN:
Failing to see a problem here, dollface.
oh really
I awarded Cohen my own personal Complete Idiot Emeritus years ago. That means I don’t read him…ever. There is nothing Richard Cohen has to say that couldn’t be said better by a talking chimp.
JenJen
Christ on a cracker, that was some serious concerning, right there. I’ve been looking forward to finally seeing that documentary for a year, and if it made Cohen that upset, I imagine I’m going to love it.
Concern: The Other White Meat!
kommrade reproductive vigor
@slag: Christ. Now I feel old.
Robert
Mr. Cohen, what you’ve just written is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent column were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone who clicked this link is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Leelee for Obama
@kay: Like most of us “little folks” care about what Michele is wearing. She looks good no matter what she has on, and makes some things look better than they deserve. Brooks and Dowd, aren’t they a country duo that just broke up? Snark!
Fuckin’ wankers! Cohen and Donahue in one day is too cruel to be borne. I am declaring a moratorium on reading anything in the WaPo except Ezra, Dana Priest, and Dionne. There may be a few others, but I’m really discerning these days.
I am holding up pretty well, kay. One day at a time, only way out is through, you know? Have contacted two schools about CNA classes, both start in January, so checking one more to see if it starts earlier. The job search is slow, mainly cause my Daughter and I are sharing my car at the moment, but that should be over soon. Couple of ideas in the mind-hive-customer service and rest. mgr. at the beginning of the list. There are a few fast-food places looking for mgrs., and I qualify there, so it’s encouraging.
Every now and then, I need a Kleenex, but I’m trying to re-do the apartment so it’s not shrine-like. It’ll be less likely to force memories up the list that might be too sad. And I have a ton of art and craft supplies that could be transformed into money, if I can organize myself well enough. Not my forte-but I’m looking for the big-girl panties so I can deal.
slag
@kommrade reproductive vigor: Sorry. I should have just used teh Google, but I was afraid of what I might find. I know what an outhouse is, and those are pretty old. But, to my understanding, outhouses don’t usually contain baths.
Midnight Marauder
@JenJen:
My favorite comment along these lines is:
I’m not sure who posted it the other week, but hot damn, that made me laugh like no other.
Kudos again to whoever that was.
Keith G
@JenJen:
Shazzam!
Libertini
@Midnight Marauder:
Me too. I simply don’t have the intestinal fortitude to read that shit.
jenniebee
Shorter (every) Cohen: what this world needs is a little more ZOMG! and /wrists.
Once again, I’m convinced that if more of the Vox Village got into regular Al-Anon meetings, life would be saner and S,N! would have nothing but Schlussel/Geller mud wrestling matchups to snark about. Seriously, if he really needs drama in his life, he should open a WoW account and join a raiding guild; then he can get all the passion and sloppiness he wants arguing about the dkp system, and here in the real world where people see self-control as a plus (!), we can keep the calm, unflappable super-smart guy in charge of the nuclear codes and banking regulations, kthxbai.
This man wants a national leader whose life is in disarray and who attracts crisis. The face palms, the mind reels…
Libertini
@kay:
Well, that’s what happens when one tries to be a movie critic.
Keith G
@slag: I would tell you except for that darn first rule.
kommrade reproductive vigor
@slag: No worries. Just keep in mind that in BillDo’s fevered imaginings, large cities have bathhouses on every corner. They are the abode of huge leather clad men who leap out, grab innocent young Catholic boys and drag them off for a fate worse than death at the hands of men who aren’t even priests!
And then he tosses another tissue in the bin.
I’m not sure how dog walking fits in there.
calling all toasters
@Midnight Marauder: I’m pretty sure it was kommrade reproductive vigor.
Midnight Marauder
@calling all toasters:
Yeah, I thought as much.
Kommrade, this one’s for you.
+1
kay
@Leelee for Obama:
I think CNA’s are probably very employable. The only local entity that is expanding here is the private hospital.
You’re amazingly resilient.
Leelee for Obama
@kay: I’m Irish-both feet planted firmly in mid-air! LOL
Yeah, the general consensus here in God’s Southeastern Waiting Room is that the CNA or LPN will be vewwy, vewwy popular for the next century! OPne can lead to the other and I may even get some tuition assistance if I play my cards right.
Here’s hoping!
Thanks for being here, kay. You guys make me feel a whole lot less alone.
Cain
@flukebucket:
Yes, cuz when one Jew speaks, he speaks for all jews. IT’s written in the Torah! Which makes it hard even confusing when you talk to your Jewish friends and they have different opinions!
cain
Leelee for Obama
OPne being the Gaelic for One, of course. How do get edit function? I feel so deprived!
J.D. Rhoades
My, Mr. Donohue is a bit shrill, isn’t he? I guess he just never got over being so savagely mocked on South Park.
hippitus hoppitus reus domine…
twiffer
i particularly liked this:
because it’s all about you, donahue.
SiubhanDuinne
@Shinobi:
I swear to FSM I first read that as “continue to breed like rabbis”
SiubhanDuinne
@JenJen:
LOL, JenJen!
Anne Laurie
@different church-lady:
That’s because Cohen is the pet — he’s a lapdog.
Which is why I prefer to call him Richard “Caligula’s Horse” Cohen. He’s an inoffensive beast of burden whose elevation to national pundit status is a deliberate, ongoing insult by the People in Charge to the rest of us. Cohen doesn’t even have the deliberate dishonesty of a Friedman or the eyecatching insanity of a Kristol to recommend him as a columnist — he’s being paid to take up precious space in the national discourse when his only “skill” is eating the low-quality fodder dumped in front of him and transforming it into vast quantities of manure.
@kommrade reproductive vigor:
When Bill Donohue was young enough to hang around the then-notorious Chelsea bathhouses, “taking the dog for a walk” was the excuse he gave his wife for his absences.
Sentient Puddle
I think I’m lucky. After I finished reading Cohen’s column, my first thought was “I have no idea what he just said.” It’s like he went here, plugged in Obama, and used the result as his column.
handy
@SiubhanDuinne:
That would be a lot of circumcisions.
asiangrrlMN
@R-Jud: Problem is, that was at sometime in the morning, and I get heavily buzzed after one drink.
@Leelee for Obama: kay’s right. You’re doing amazingly well. Keep on posting, and keep on fighting.
Leelee for Obama
@asiangrrlMN: Thanks, asiangrll! Imma keep on keepin’ on as they say! Actually had some good ideas today for Christmas cards and some re-fashioned clothing so the creative muses are making a comeback-always a good sign.
Lynn Lightfoot
All these years Cohen has been in the writing business, and he still doesn’t know what “fulsome” means. That’s pathetic.
Yutsano
@SiubhanDuinne: That somehow made me feel better as I read that the exact same way!
Ruskus
@oh really:
Or even a non-talking chimp
Batocchio
McCain was – why won’t Obama be be Richard Cohen’s friiiiieeeeeeeeeeend?
Urban Ring
It turns out that Donohue’s new book has a Colbert quote on the jacket:
“Wake up, America! The secular minority has cut the brake cables on America’s In-God-We-Trust-Mobile™! Not even all 43 of our Christian presidents can save us now.” – Stephen Colbert, host of “The Colbert Report”
It’s on the Catholic League website and everything.
chrome agnomen
obama cried. i cried, too. bet hitler cried too.
man, what a load of mail-it-in manure.