Well, I’m sad to say that I was not selected as one of the ten finalists for the WaPo next great pundit competition. It’s probably just as well, because I wouldn’t want to spend the next six months living in a house with nine people I’ve never met before.
Here are the winning essays. They’re about what you’d expect: three full-tilt concern trollings, a couple MoDo/Double X style gender pieces, a pointless piece about that college kid who’s hiring a personal assistant, a snoozer about good government (which does make a good point), a predictable rant about cable news, and one thoughtful piece about health care.
I guess I’m just jealous that mine didn’t make the cut.
The Grand Panjandrum
I read all ten of them and was baffled by most of the picks. You have to admit it was probably smart on their part to write specifically for the “audience” Hiatt seems to be preaching to. He wasn’t looking for refreshing smart, or clever, he was looking for the next Krauthammer or Broder. Literally.
The Grand Panjandrum
Except to drive traffic to their website, I’m not sure why they went to all the trouble. They could have perused Red State and the comments section at Hot Air to find that level of intellectual excellence.
Carwin
You made the biggest mistake in your submission DougJ. You went full retar….wingnut. You never go full wingnut, don’t you know that:)
bayville
Read the first seven (actually six and two paragraphs) and that was all I could stomach.
Unsurprisingly, thoroughly pedestrian efforts. Nothing new or interesting. But that still makes them better than most of the current collection of “thinkers” that soil the WaPo OpEd page daily.
BTW, it looks like Fred Hiatt and the gang covered just about every demographic in making their Top 10 selections.
kommrade reproductive vigor
My money’s on the former Bush43r. He’ll be company for Liz Cthcheney.
Brick Oven Bill
The Washington Post sucks, and cannot handle the truth.
Mark S.
The only one I read was “The Numbers Don’t Look Good For Democrats,” because it seemed to be the exact opposite of everything I’ve read on the subject. Basically, red states can expect to gain 8 electoral college votes in the next census. John McCain would have only lost by 184 votes! The Democrats are doomed!
Cheryl from Maryland
DougJ — a modest suggestion, your entry has too many quotations and metaphors. Fred Hiatt is teh stupid. So, next time simplify. Trust your blog mode.
But the winners are poor echoes of Red State. I liked the one on personal assistants as it manged to insult Scooter Libbey, David Broder, AND trust fund babies, but then, I love the snark.
vg
SON…
I AM DISAPPOINT.
DougJ
DougJ—a modest suggestion, your entry has too many quotations and metaphors. Fred Hiatt is teh stupid. So, next time simplify. Trust your blog mode.
The idea was to write the most ridiculous possible entry with a chance of winning.
Postlethwaite Windschitl
“Slouching Toward Munich” is a masterpiece. Its incoherent Borkian resignation is dead on. Also, its message is eternal.
Linda Featheringill
I wasn’t picked either, although I did receive an email inviting me to send in articles for consideration. You probably got the same message. Maybe everyone did.
My little [and I do mean little] essay did not fit in with the usual message of WaPo. It was closer to the point of view of your lovely blog. And more interesting than most of the winners.
By the way – I am starting my own blog [featheredsprite.blogspot.com] and would love to include the essays of the losers. Why don’t you send me your entry and I’ll post it. [[email protected]]
Wile E. Quixote
@DougJ
Wile E. Quixote
@DougJ
Doug, that is a masterpiece! I’m sure that George Will and Richard Cohen will probably be mining the losing entries for columns for months, so don’t be surprised when you see that printed under one of their bylines.
chrome agnomen
sorry you missed out on that big paycheck. plus the chance to rub…uh…elbows with the Kraut.
Johnny Pez
Mine didn’t make the cut either. Can’t understand it.
Justin_Anderson
I read those atrocious piles of dog crap last night before bed. It’s amazing that with so many entries, these 10 lackluster offerings are finalists. Then again, we’re talking about Fred Hiatt’s crayon scribble page.
jl
I think that was good mumbo-jumbo concern trolling. The utter pointlessness the thoughtless wandering was refreshing, like a walk through an overgrown ramshackle garden. The rhythm was a little too cubist, it had a Getrude Stein ring to it, which might have put the judges off. They may have thought it was hoax by Michael Berube or something.
Better luck next time.
Maybe try torturing some statistics into a reactionary rant, classic contrarianistinically speaking. That might work.
Eileen Moushey
Alas, mine also was not chosen. I took the “smart ass” route, wherein the news topic that I chose was entitled “Thank You, Andy Williams”. It was a tweak of the Guardian newspaper, and others, who actually PRINTED as NEWS that “Andy Williams Says Obama Follows Marxist Philosophy”. My thesis is that, with this pronouncement, we have officially reached the bottom of the barrel in celebs-commenting-on-politics.
Evidently, they were not amused.
Luckily, I was. (at least while I was writing it.)
Emoushey
jfxgillis
Doug:
The real pisser is the bios. An Atlantic fellow! A Bushie DoJ prosecutor! A Nobelwinning scientis! A Teach for America executive!
Huh? Like we’ll get a “fresh” voice picking from the same slice of elite privilege?
Anne Laurie
@Wile E. Quixote:
I LOLed. And then I realized — you’re probably right, Mr. Quixote.
Tongue of Groucho Marx
Shorter Burton Richton: (His was actually informative, no complaint here.)
Shorter Courtney Martin: Lawyers are immature and cranky, while community organizers live perfect lives. Women and men can agree on this.
Shorter Darryl Jackson: The Obama Administration has done nothing but complain about George W. Bush within his first 9 months. Bush, in the meantime, never gave Bill Clinton any grief, saved us all from terrorists, and tackled several vital issues, such as protecting discarded fetuses from research.
Shorter Jeremy Haber: Eight means nine, four means five, Nevada is both gaining and losing a congressional seat, all blue staters that move to red states immediately turn into Republicans, and illegal immigrants are starting to vote Republican for no reason at all.
Shorter Maame Gyamfi: We are obsessed with the news, and I’m the only person that realizes our obsession with the news. I’m also not obsessed with myself at all.
Shorter Kevin Huffman: Nobody does any fucking work. I, by writing this piece, rise above the petty freeloader. And I’m funny.
Shorter Lydia Khalil: Fox News should not worry about alienating a demographic that tends to watch their channel. In the meantime, Obama should worry about alienating a demographic that generally votes conservative.
Shorter Mara Gay: People who are immediately out of college can’t find work. Why aren’t they showing up at town halls and verbally abusing their congressmen, like everyone else does?
Shorter Mark Esper: Our senator didn’t get to pay homage to the people who died in 1918-19, but our town shouldn’t have any deaths. My senator says that a public option would help prevent that, so it must be true. (Note: I don’t disagree with his premise, but he doesn’t exactly back up his support of the public option. He doesn’t have to go to Ezra Klein levels, but could he at least talk about it a little more?)
Shorter Zeba Khan: People who log onto Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter can improve the public stance on health care by
simply blathering away online, without any real organization strategy. Getting women passionate about politics is just as easy as selling them Tupperware!
Yeah, I know these suck, but I’m also not applying for a WaPo position. This is basically what I got out of all of these, anyways.
BTW: One less ‘appeasement’, and DougJ’s piece may have been able to make it in to the finals. It would have been funny to read the comments on it.
0whole1
Neither did mine:
http://h-oh-l.blogspot.com/2009/10/nuts.html
Stupid interns.