Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

Jack be nimble, jack be quick, hurry up and indict this prick.

Not loving this new fraud based economy.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Sadly, media malpractice has become standard practice.

Republican speaker of the house Mike Johnson is the bland and smiling face of evil.

Disagreements are healthy; personal attacks are not.

This must be what justice looks like, not vengeful, just peaceful exuberance.

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

Fundamental belief of white supremacy: white people are presumed innocent, minorities are presumed guilty.

Innocent people do not delay justice.

Stop using mental illness to avoid talking about armed white supremacy.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

Everything is totally normal and fine!!!

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

“I was told there would be no fact checking.”

If you’re gonna whine, it’s time to resign!

Accountability, motherfuckers.

Oh FFS you might as well trust a 6-year-old with a flamethrower.

You cannot shame the shameless.

One of our two political parties is a cult whose leader admires Vladimir Putin.

You are here: Home / Politics / One Day He’ll Learn

One Day He’ll Learn

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I suppose one day Rick Moran will learn:

kickme

Because Rick is not sufficiently conservative wingnutty, we are told he is just angling for a Democratic job and he is comatose. I would hope that the lesson Rick would learn from this is that the party we both loved at one point is now run by insane people, but I’m afraid he drinks deeply from the cup of Broder and will decide that “if Pam Gellar and Robert McCain hate me and the Daily Kos doesn’t link me, I must be doing something right.”

At any rate, go give him some encouragement in the comments. Someone has to save the GOP, and it damned sure isn’t going to be me. I’ve got wooden stakes, garlic, and an attitude.

Reader Interactions

90Comments

  1. 1.

    General Winfield Stuck

    Fornicating libtards skeer him. So he rides the range a lonely conservative poltergeist.

  4. 4.

    WyldPiratd

    I’ve got wooden stakes, garlic, and an attitude.

    I’ve got silver bullets, lots of pitchforks and I can make a mean self-igniting napalm Molotov cocktail.

  5. 5.

    beltane

    If only Moran were a real studly hunk of a man like that Doug Hoffman fellow…

    Plenty of crazy on the Daily Kos rec list today, too. I fear the whole country has become one big food fight.

  8. 8.

    General Winfield Stuck

    At any rate, go give him some encouragement in the comments.

    Believe me, I’ve tried. He comes around a little, and then they just pull him right back in.

  14. 14.

    General Winfield Stuck

    I think I’ll stick with the goatherd, thanks!

    Better for those long cold nights.

  15. 15.

    MikeJ

    I’ve got wooden stakes, garlic, and an attitude.

    Buffy: Hey Ken, wanna see my impression of Gandhi?
    (crushes his skull with a club)
    Lily: Gandhi?
    Buffy: Well, you know, if he was really pissed off.

  20. 20.

    ItAintEazy

    Moran sort of lost me when he described Gingrich as “one of the only public intellectuals on the right who can speak to a broad cross section of America with authority and credibility.” I mean, when in Christ name has he had authority to give his spiel to anyone once he had been revealed as a Hypocrite To End All Hypocrites during the Lewinsky scandal?

  21. 21.

    donovong

    Give him encouragement in the comments? No fucking way. I have a 3 years supply of popcorn and beer, and I am going to love every minute of the Looney Tunes Revolution. This shit is going to make the Goldwater debacle look like a walk in the park. Let the bloodbath begin.

    The likes of Sarah “Porky” Palin and Michele “Daffy” Bachman, not to mention our contribution of Jim “Foghorn” DeMint, are going to make the next 3 years a hoot! You betcha! Also!

  22. 22.

    anie

    “I’ve got wooden stakes, garlic, and an attitude.”
    I can add holy water, holy oil, and a crucifix. (Well, all that seminary had to have some kind of payoff – hence I am prepared for apocalypse in many of its forms.)

  23. 23.

    Steeplejack

    Here is my nightmare: that the Balloon Juice commentariat consists of the front-pagers and about three other people, who write about 90 percent of all the posts under various spoof identities and get together behind the scenes to mock the real people who occasionally wander in. Oh, and the whole thing is being run as some sort of Turing-test experiment by a second-rate junior college computer science department.

    And yet I keep coming back.

  27. 27.

    New Yorker

    Sorry, but I used up all my breath shouting encouragement to Sully when he was condemned as a heretic back in 2004. To me, the right-wing civil war/bloodbath/witch hunt/auto da fe brings to mind Kissinger’s comments about the Iran-Iraq war.

  28. 28.

    Cain

    Poor Rick, watching these guys complaining about the “rabid right” gives me a funny feeling all over, baby. Pass the popcorn, gin and martini glass this is going to be fun.

    What is LGF saying these days? I’m scared to go there, they used to say some of the stupidest shit 3 years ago or so.

    cain

  30. 30.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Steeplejack:

    Here is my nightmare: that the Balloon Juice commentariat consists of the front-pagers and about three other people

    Me, you and Stuck, right?

  34. 34.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Steeplejack: If I could do an ornery fuck like Stuck, I’m certainly capable of doing your boring “hey all, just got home from the part-time job (health care!) and now I’m going to get sotted drunk and bore you all to tears with my lame music” schtick.

  37. 37.

    General Winfield Stuck

    @Cain:

    Charles is coming along nicely, but though I am registered to comment, I feel like the first Wildebeast fixing to cross the Mara River with hungry Crocodiles grinning back.

  38. 38.

    Mark S.

    You can tell that McCain is one of the true kooks with this:

    The problems go to 1913. The very education problems you cite for ignorance of the definition of ‘conservative’ are rooted in this inability to analyze history. The Sixteenth Amendment, The Seventeenth Amendment, and the Federal Reserve Act have been the triptych of destruction over last century.

    Any piker can rail against income taxes and the Fed. Only true kooks blame the Seventeenth Amendment (direct elections of Senators) for our country’s problems.

  42. 42.

    whinger

    My recollection — and I didn’t follow it that closely — is that the LGF shift started with Charles going “Come on, Obama was totally born here.” Then one of the other blogs unleased its Uruk-Hai on his comment section, and he got pushed further towards sanity.

    In other words, as the Prophet MacLaren said, he woke up one day and knew which side of the bed he was on. His had the crazy.

  43. 43.

    Cain

    @General Winfield Stuck:

    Charles is coming along nicely, but though I am registered to comment, I feel like the first Wildebeast fixing to cross the Mara River with hungry Crocodiles grinning back

    We might have to make common ground with the middle right in order to mock the rapid malkinites.

    cain

  46. 46.

    Cain

    @whinger:

    My recollection—and I didn’t follow it that closely—is that the LGF shift started with Charles going “Come on, Obama was totally born here.” Then one of the other blogs unleased its Uruk-Hai on his comment section, and he got pushed further towards sanity.

    I remember when those dweebs would show up here and this site back in the early days would be eating it’s own in a series of skirmishes with other regulars (that still happens on slow news days or is that low outrage day? :-) and man, the site would turn into a meat grinding machine in a single minded drive to go after the interlopers.

    Rick Moran came in one time and boy, he fled after 15 minutes. Ah, the good old days.

    Charles is welcome to borrow us if he wants us to take care of his wingnut problem.

    cain

  47. 47.

    RedKitten

    Here is my nightmare: that the Balloon Juice commentariat consists of the front-pagers and about three other people, who write about 90 percent of all the posts under various spoof identities and get together behind the scenes to mock the real people who occasionally wander in. Oh, and the whole thing is being run as some sort of Turing-test experiment by a second-rate junior college computer science department.

    You’re not the first person to think that. Remember scs? She thought everybody was DougJ.

  48. 48.

    Steeplejack

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    No, I’m sorry, the damage has been done. Tears are raining on my keyboard. I think I’ll go get sotted drunk and listen to some lame music. (Cf. Eva Cassidy in the next thread.)

  50. 50.

    Cain

    @Steeplejack:

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    No, I’m sorry, the damage has been done. Tears are raining on my keyboard. I think I’ll go get sotted drunk and listen to some lame music. (Cf. Eva Cassidy in the next thread.)

    I just finished a midterm with antoher one to go, please drink one for me.

    cain

  53. 53.

    wheaton pat

    In the movie Network, a great deal of time on Howard ‘s show was delegated to sothsayers and Tarot readers. The Repubs are there now.
    They know a secret Muslim. They divine a closet Marxist. They ascribe Socialist value to the weak public option. They forsee deaths in Afghanistan because of “dithering.”
    There is a Dem party of doing things in real time and in reality and there is a Rep party frightened to rinse their teeth because of possible flouridation concerns.
    A movement cannot be built upon the slippery slope argument. The leader of that movement better have perfect balance or else he will Humpty Dumpty.

  54. 54.

    Tonal Crow

    I’ve got wooden stakes, garlic, and an attitude.

    Better make *sure* that those stakes are made of oak, from a tree that was struck by lightning. Anything less…well, let’s not think about what might happen then.

  55. 55.

    Steeplejack

    @Cain:

    I just finished a midterm with another one to go, please drink one for me.

    Aim to please. I can do you a Sam Adams Coastal Wheat or a Mount Gay rum and tonic. I recommend the latter for the anti-malarial qualities. And that’s what I’m drinking tonight anyway.

  56. 56.

    Halffasthero

    @Cain:

    I remember when those dweebs would show up here and this site back in the early days would be eating it’s own in a series of skirmishes with other regulars (that still happens on slow news days or is that low outrage day? :-) and man, the site would turn into a meat grinding machine in a single minded drive to go after the interlopers.

    Rick Moran came in one time and boy, he fled after 15 minutes. Ah, the good old days.

    Talking about the old BJ days? Actually, I miss some of those people. Back then there were both wings going at each other (more or less) civilly. This was a political battleground blog back when John had this silly notion he was a Republican. : )

    Anyone remember Stormy70 or Darrell?

  57. 57.

    Cain

    @Halffasthero:

    Anyone remember Stormy70 or Darrell?

    Darrell was civil? I think you’re mis-remembering. But I think I came in when both wings were still battling it out. We lost some of them (or maybe they changed names, or maybe they were all DougJ!) as John moved left or the world moved right.

    Once a month we’ll need to go back and scour some old wingnut John threads. (or on slow news day)

    cain

  58. 58.

    Laura W

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    @@Steeplejack: BTW, I’m not serious. I find you to be one of the most interesting commenters on Balloon Juice and Laura can vouch for that.

    I am here now to represent for you, Fuckhead.
    He’s been trying to worm his way into your heart for months now, Steep.
    If I had a dollar for every time Fuckhead has used the word “Soulmate” in reference to you in our private exchanges…I could buy you health insurance and free you from your boring as shit p/t job. And free the rest of us from having to hear about it weekly.

    (I’m a lot younger and cuter than Log Lady, just FYI.)

  59. 59.

    Cain

    @Steeplejack:

    Aim to please. I can do you a Sam Adams Coastal Wheat or a Mount Gay rum and tonic. I recommend the latter for the anti-malarial qualities. And that’s what I’m drinking tonight anyway.

    Never had a Mount Gay rum and tonic. But go for it! (I usually stick with Sapphire and tonic..yum)

    cain

  60. 60.

    Halfasthero

    Once a month we’ll need to go back and scour some old wingnut John threads. (or on slow news day)

    There was a lot of Jack and Myers Dark infecting my posts back then…maybe that was also why I thought Darrell was civil. : )

  61. 61.

    The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge

    Isn’t the consensus that Darrell is “North Dallas Thirty” who brings the crazy every once in a while, especially if the subject of abortion rights comes up?

  63. 63.

    Steeplejack

    @Cain:

    Never had a Mount Gay rum and tonic.

    Most rums are horrible (Captain Morgan, Ron [anything]). Mount Gay (Barbados) and Barbancourt (Haiti) are to regular rums as Tanqueray and Bombay Sapphire are to regular gins. Gosling’s Black Seal is excellent too, but it’s so dark that it bears a scary resemblance to Karo syrup.

  66. 66.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    I’ve got wooden stakes, garlic, and an attitude.

    F’ing WIN.

    JSF: “I’m a goatherder, between herds at the moment.”

    This recently obtained evidence
    directly contradicts that statement JSF. ;p

  67. 67.

    Left Coast Tom

    @Steeplejack:

    Most rums are horrible (Captain Morgan, Ron [anything]). Mount Gay (Barbados) and Barbancourt (Haiti) are to regular rums as Tanqueray and Bombay Sapphire are to regular gins.

    I kind of like to take Zaya (Guatemala) in a flask on extended wilderness trips.

    Anejo Tequilas are nice as well.

  68. 68.

    Robert Waldmann

    Well I went over there, but I couldn’t honestly offer encouragement. I read

    “The idea that Newt Gingrich should be “relegated to the dustbin of history” – a not uncommon sentiment I’ve read over the past week – demonstrates a determined refusal to objectively analyze demonstrates a determined refusal to objectively analyze the political realities of the unique situation in NY23 ”

    Look I have wanted to relegate Newt to the dustbin of history since 1990. I don’t recall that view having anything to do with a refusal to analise the political realities of NY23.
    Gingrich is obvoiusly totally dishonest, selfish and egomaniacal. Oh and childish. Reality based conservatives should be able to see this.

    Then

    “But kick him out of the party? Marginalize one of the only public intellectuals on the right who can speak to a broad cross section of America with authority and credibility? ”

    Moran actually accused Gingrich of credibility ?!? What’s his next insight ? That Bill Clinton is undersexed ?

  74. 74.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    Someone has to save the GOP

    Oh my, yes. We must save the party of the Southern Strategy, and the Terri Schiavo law, and Pat Robertson. We just have to save the party that gave us the Laffer Curve and Iran/Contra. We just HAVE to!

  75. 75.

    Steeplejack

    @Laura W:

    He’s been trying to worm his way into your heart for months now, Steep.
    __
    If I had a dollar for every time Fuckhead has used the word “soulmate” in reference to you in our private exchanges . . . I could buy you health insurance and free you from your boring as shit p/t job. And free the rest of us from having to hear about it weekly.

    Man, I am not feeling the love tonight. Why you and Fuckhead whizzin’ on Steep for talking about the circumstances of his life, when that’s what half the content of this whole blog is? Sorry my story is insufficiently entertaining. I’ll get back to you when I get a better life. (Mandatory lame music video.)

    Also, my other dream about Balloon Juice is that JSF is a persona created by you as a channel for your outsider/”forbidden” side.

    (I’m a lot younger and cuter than Log Lady, just FYI.)

    I know. I picture you as a younger and sexier Peggy Lipton. But Crazy Kale Lady led to thoughts of Log Lady. At least in my fevered imagination.

  77. 77.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Steeplejack:

    Man, I am not feeling the love tonight. Why you and Fuckhead whizzin’ on Steep for talking about the circumstances of his life, when that’s what half the content of this whole blog is? Sorry my story is insufficiently entertaining. I’ll get back to you when I get a better life. (Mandatory lame music video.) Also, my other dream about Balloon Juice is that JSF is a persona created by you as a channel for your outsider/”forbidden” side.

    All in good fun, my friend. :)

  81. 81.

    PaulB

    I did like this comment over there:

    The best way I can put the Republican problem is this: inconsistency.

    There IS no consistent Republican ideology where the values, actions, and results of those actions line up. You can’t have endless war and save money. You can’t torture and support freedom. You can’t keep cutting taxes as a solution when that doesn’t solve the problem. You can’t expect a functioning society when you cater to religious radicals. Schizmogenesis, to yank out a rather obscure psychosocial term.

    All the publicity stunts and campaigns that leveraged anti-intellectualism and soforth are coming home to roost.

    This leads to an additional issue – even if the party wins, it looses. Yes it may win some elections, but if it does so by further riling up the Teabagger crowd, it’s further selling it’s soul. Winning consistently means that you can solve problems – the anti-intellectualism you mention CANNOT solve problems.

    If you want Republican victory, show that the party can solve problems (and prevent them). The party does not seem to be interested in solving problems, it seems to be interested in publicity stunts and pandering.

  82. 82.

    Comrade Darkness

    Winning consistently means that you can solve problems – the anti-intellectualism you mention CANNOT solve problems.

    On the right the only problem that needs solving is figuring out whom to blame. For anything. Someone is bad and the wingers get to look down at these cretins and for a glimmering instant, hate themselves a little less. Even if they have to make shit up to blame people for, who cares? it’s even more people to blame. Solving problems just leaves you with fewer things in need of blame assignment. It’s all feel-good victimhood. And it’s all they’ve got.

  83. 83.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @Mark S.

    @Some Crazy Conservative Dude

    The problems go to 1913. The very education problems you cite for ignorance of the definition of ‘conservative’ are rooted in this inability to analyze history. The Sixteenth Amendment, The Seventeenth Amendment, and the Federal Reserve Act have been the triptych of destruction over last century.

    Any piker can rail against income taxes and the Fed. Only true kooks blame the Seventeenth Amendment (direct elections of Senators) for our country’s problems.

    The 17th amendment. Hah! What a fool. Everyone who is really in the know blames the the 3rd, 12th, 18th, 20th, 21st, 25th and 26th (darned teenagers!) amendments to the Constitution as well as the creation of NASA (they were created to fake the moon landing and cover up the fact that aliens landed in Roswell in 1947) and the ungodly hellspawn that is the BCS, which was created by ACORN to help them steal the national championship in college football.

    Oh, and you know that only tin foil works to keep the ACORN/BCS mind control waves out of your brain and not aluminum foil? I laugh at the fools who think that their aluminum foil hats are keeping their thoughts and bodily essences pure.

  85. 85.

    Enlightened Layperson

    Let me express my gratitude to John for monitoring the right blogosphere. I suppose I should do it myself. It is fascinating to guess who will flip next. (Whoever would have predicted Andrew Sullivan, John Cole and now Charles Johnson?)

    So the question is, who do you think will flip next? Rick Moran? Ed Morrisey? Someone no one would guess?

  88. 88.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @Chuck Butcher

    You have to learn to do teh crazy with a straight face or lotsa tears. A nice swing, but all that one got was air.

    Damn! You’d have to hit my face with enough BoTox to kill a herd of elephants to make me say crazy shit like that with a straight face, and even then it probably wouldn’t work. I’d probably just end up looking and sounding like Joe Lieberman.

    OK, back to the drawing board. I need to come up with an angle to allow me to separate gullible conservatives from their money.

  89. 89.

    Surabaya Stew

    Rick is in fine form as usual, replying back at commentators with his subtle mix of sarcasm and rage. The biggest mistake people make about Mr. Moran is that they mistake his theatrics for a bug, when in actuality it’s a feature!

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