Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Too little, too late, ftfnyt. fuck all the way off.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

Hey hey, RFK, how many kids did you kill today?

Shut up, hissy kitty!

This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.

It is not hopeless, and we are not helpless.

Giving up is unforgivable.

Come on, man.

Beware of advice from anyone for whom Democrats are “they” and not “we.”

Fear or fury? The choice is ours.

The fight for our country is always worth it. ~Kamala Harris

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

We are aware of all internet traditions.

Every one of the “Roberts Six” lied to get on the court.

One lie, alone, tears the fabric of reality.

With all due respect and assumptions of good faith, please fuck off into the sun.

People are weird.

Hell hath no fury like a farmer bankrupted.

“What are Republicans afraid of?” Everything.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

I’m starting to think Jesus may have made a mistake saving people with no questions asked.

Let’s bury these fuckers at the polls 2 years from now.

You are here: Home / Sports / This Makes The Pain Sting Less

This Makes The Pain Sting Less

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Yes, losing to the Bengals twice in a season sucks, but at least my team can score against the Browns. Not being able to score against the Browns is like not being able to score with Jenna Jameson.

For chrissakes JSF, Flocco power is vastly overrated.

Also, I like Gruden as an announcer.

*** Update ***

Just checked memeorandum. They claim that a new poll states she is not qualified to be President. Glad shit didn’t change too much while I was eating a white pizza.

Seriously, when is this Palin bullshit going to stop? You know who else isn’t prepared to be President? Pauly Shore. How come there are no polls about him?

Reader Interactions

129Comments

  2. 2.

    You Don't Say

    I’m sure you heard he signed a multi-year deal with ESPN. He’ll be doing a couple bowl games, too, IIRC.

    I hate the Ravens. The only team I *really* hate. I’d *love* it if the Browns won.

  3. 3.

    You Don't Say

    Anyone else think the Cialis guy who stands outside the bedroom explaining the side effects is super creepy?

  4. 4.

    General Winfield Stuck

    Yes, losing to the Bengals twice in a season sucks, but at least my team can score against the Browns. Not being able to score against the Browns is like not being able to score with Jenna Jameson.

    Woof Woof, Senor Cole. GO BROWNS!!

  11. 11.

    freelancer

    I can’t score with Jenna Jameson. And I’ve tried. Some MMA dude got all pissed about it.

    and shouldn’t the title of this thread be “This makes the Pa(l)in Sting Less”?

  12. 12.

    Comrade Jake

    Seriously, when is this Palin bullshit going to stop? You know who else isn’t prepared to be President? Pauly Shore. How come there are no polls about him?

    I think it’ll stop sometime around when Sully can’t find a single reader of his willing to tell him he’s not kookoo crayzee for Palin. We’re not quite there yet, apparently. She still can get into the White House, goddammit, so we gotta dissect all the LIES! Lies Cole, Lies!

  19. 19.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Seriously, when is this Palin bullshit going to stop?

    Hell, at this point it’s the only thing preventing 24/7 wall-to-wall cable noise Stupak Ammendment concern trolling.

  20. 20.

    Corner Stone

    is like not being able to score with Jenna Jameson.

    I’m pretty sure none of the males on this blog could score with JJ.

  21. 21.

    ellaesther

    Seriously, when is this Palin bullshit going to stop? You know who else isn’t prepared to be President? Pauly Shore.

    This is what I want to say every.damn.day. (Well, granted, “Pauly Shore,” per se, hasn’t come up yet for me, but, metaphorically, this). Why are we so obsessed with this woman?!

    I know why, I do, actually, and it starts with the fact that John fucking McCain let someone talk him into taking her for a walk down by some fucking tree and proposing candidacy to her — but for that one historical anomaly, we would not have any idea who this person is (or Bristol, or Levi, or Todd).

    But that historical anomaly doesn’t change her actual value to this nation. If anything, it’s decreased it!

    TELL THE WORLD TO STOP TALKING ABOUT HER JOHN!! MAYBE THEY’LL LISTEN TO YOU!!

    /ahem.

  22. 22.

    mai naem

    WTF is wrong with Palin’s hair in the Oprah interview? It’s like she’s trying to be a sixties beauty queen. I mean from the 1960’s not like a woman in her sixties. Big bouffant.

  25. 25.

    Corner Stone

    I used to really dig Gruden, when I thought he was a 20-hour a day kick your ass all over the park, hard working coach.
    His stint on ESPN has disabused me of that notion. He sucks balls.

  27. 27.

    Max

    @ellaesther: Amen.

    Inevitably, talk of Sarah turns to talk of Hillary, which turns to the primaries, which turns to Obama is an inadequate black male, PUMA’s hear me roar…

    It’s exhausting. I want some of those white noise headphones from last week’s Fringe.

  28. 28.

    Violet

    You know who else isn’t prepared to be President? Pauly Shore. How come there are no polls about him?

    If John McCain had picked Pauly Shore for his VP nominee, maybe we would. Still think McCain has a lot to answer for.

    I watched the Oprah interview. Sarah Palin isn’t aging well. Her starbursts window is closing.

  29. 29.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    Palin is American Idol-type material to teh nooz, they want people to ‘vote’ (opine) on her and they do. People love her or love to hate her and the MSM is going to pump this organ for all it’s worth. It’s a mutual circle-jerk which feeds on itself to grow and it will only end once every single nooz outlet is lying on the floor, totally spent from the incessant wanking.

    @pika:

    Sure! I am now on a Dell Inspiron 8000 (P3) laptop that runs XP Pro SP3, 24/7 other than when the power goes out or I am out of town. It has been running almost nonstop for over two years and I have yet to crash it. When it boots only 28 processes are running (including AV, firewall and all of the Dell addons) which utilize 182 megs of RAM and the proc idles at 0-1%. I only use it for surfing and it has performed perfectly, needing only occasional cleaning. The sticker on the palmrest says: “Designed for Microsoft Windows 2000 Professional, Windows NT Workstation 4.0, Windows 98”.

    This laptop is almost nine years old and not in need of replacing any time soon.

  31. 31.

    Violet

    @mai naem:

    WTF is wrong with Palin’s hair in the Oprah interview? It’s like she’s trying to be a sixties beauty queen. I mean from the 1960’s not like a woman in her sixties. Big bouffant.

    It didn’t do her any favors. Made her look old.

  32. 32.

    Corner Stone

    @Bubblegum Tate: I just don’t think it’s fair to take a potshot at her because of her profession. She can say Yes or No to anyone she feels like.
    I’m pretty sure we have a better chance of nailing Senators Dodd, Grassley, Baucus, or other flatout whores than any of us do with a discerning talent like JJ.

  36. 36.

    jcricket

    @ellaesther: For the same reason we’re all talking about Carrie Jean Prejean, or Donald Trump or Paris Hilton. Politics has always had some entertainment value, but now it’s found its breakout “star” – in the sense of “sells commercial time when she is featured on show”.

    She’ll never be elected, and if Republican tea-bagger types do manage to get her through the primaries she’ll enjoy a Reagan-like shellacking, but it’s still an entertainment phenomenon while it’s happening.

  37. 37.

    Tonal Crow

    Seriously, when is this Palin bullshit going to stop?

    When she ages enough for her whiskers to puncture the adulterous fantasies of the sexually-frustrated teabaggers that comprise the bulk of the GOP.

  41. 41.

    Bubblegum Tate

    @Corner Stone:

    Well, I was looking at it more from the angle that porn stars generally don’t fuck non-porn stars just as a matter of business. But also what you said.

  43. 43.

    Chup

    What Cornerstone said times 10 — as Charles Barkley would say, Gruden is “turrible, just turrible.”

  45. 45.

    mai naem

    i wanna know why they don’t have a poll with Michael Douglas’s and Martin Sheen’s qualifications for president. I mean, they actually played president in the movies. Caribou Barbie only played governor of a small state and didn’t even finish her term.

  46. 46.

    Corner Stone

    I remember watching McGahee in that final game he played for The U.
    Damn that made me sick to my stomach.

  48. 48.

    parksideq

    @You Don’t Say: Oh my FSM, that guy looks like death warmed over.

    I know I’m not helping her go away by talking about her, but what’s the over/under on Palin looking like the grandma she is by 2012? Those starbursts won’t fire themselves, you know. (it’s a mean-spirited comment, but half her fanbase is a bunch of Rich Lowrys; it would be irresponsible not to speculate.)

  51. 51.

    ellaesther

    @jcricket: This was brought home to me most sharply today when I heard a radio commercial for Entertainment Tonight and it led with the dirt they were going to dish on her.

    She’s not a politician, she’s a rolling circus.

    And because I was worried that I would get the name of Entertainment Tonight wrong just now (…), I actually went to their website, to double-check (no, really! I’m that lame!), and check out this headline:

    “Brooke Shields on Sarah Palin Postpartum Depression Speculation” – hand to freaking God.

  52. 52.

    Corner Stone

    @mai naem:

    i wanna know why they don’t have a poll with Michael Douglas’s and Martin Sheen’s qualifications for president.

    I watched West Wing off and on and usually enjoyed it. The American President is prolly the only chick flick I enjoyed and would watch again if needed.
    Unless Legally Blonde counts. I love that show.

  56. 56.

    DougJ

    Was that a little homoeroticism over LeBron James?

    He is handsome in a sun-chapped prairie kind of way.

  57. 57.

    RoryBellows

    Anyone see that cheap shot Brady Quinn did to Suggs? Suggs sprained his knee on that play, out for the game.

  58. 58.

    asiangrrlMN

    @ellaesther: You’re not weird. I always check websites to make sure I get their names right before I post about them.

    Oh, and I am formally requesting pep-me-up songs. I desperately need ’em. kthxbai.

  61. 61.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    Poor Seaside (Oregon) is getting douched with this storm. The last ODOT daylight shot shows Highway 101 flooded and ODOT has closed the road to low clearance vehicles. We are on the southern edge of the storm here in Brookings but the winds are pretty damned strong with gusts to 55. The NOAA wind info for our area sucks because it is taken from the harbor which is naturally sheltered. The ocean is a constant dull roar in the distance and the high surf warnings are in effect.

    The good thing is that it’s 57 degrees out so at least if we lose power we won’t freeze! I just hope we don’t have portions of road washed out or people washed out with the road.

  62. 62.

    Corner Stone

    Brady Quinn should prolly try not throwing a 3 yard screen pass low enough for WeeMan to knock down next time he see 3 and 13.

  69. 69.

    ellaesther

    @asiangrrlMN: I like to think that it’s my old-skool journalizm kickin’ in, but I think it’s really my old-skool fear of looking a fool. Either way!

    Here’s a song that I love SO MUCH, that I’mma share it with you, even though I fear I will be mocked (not by you. You’re nice! No, by the cretins knocking around the joint) when I reveal who the singer/musician is: Mighty Little Man.

    By Steve Burns.

    Steve, from Blues Clues.

    It’s awesome, man! Check it out! (The quality on youtube is kind of sorry, but the awesome will still come through). (I own the CD). (No, really!).

  71. 71.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @ellaesther:

    steve burns is an interesting character. I had too much exposure to him with my three yunguns, but he always seemed a little too hip for that gig.

  72. 72.

    ellaesther

    @arguingwithsignposts: Man deserves a damn Emmy for what he was able to do with blue screens! I mean, honestly! He worked wonders on that show. He owned that role in the best possible way. I’ve seen him in other little bit roles, too, and I think he’s actually a pretty darn good actor, all around.

    And I love his singing and songwriting, and I have read several interviews with him and I will confess that I harbor the secret (not secret now, ellaesther!) notion that he and I would be friends if we knew each other. I really, really wish he would fucking put out his second album already, and come to Chicago to promote it! Damn him and his cute artistic reticence!

  75. 75.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @ellaesther:

    Oh, I always liked him in the role, don’t get me wrong. He had that adult/child two levels thing working well. I remember reading when he released the first album and thought that was cool. You are in Chi-town? I’m down the road a bit. But I am up there several times a year.

  76. 76.

    Max

    @asiangrrlMN: This song always empowers me…

    Sample line from “Is that too much to ask” by Beth Hart.

    Ride on coffee and percodan

    This video is lousy, but its on itunes and will make you dance in the living room and say “fuck you” to what ailes you. Or at least it does for me.

    Get it on itunes. If you don’t like it, I’ll send you the $.99.

    :)

  81. 81.

    RareSanity

    How soon they forget the weekly, Monday night, grease fire that was Tony Kornheiser.

    I kinda like Gruden, he’ll smooth out a little as the season goes on. But, as far as insight, the combo of him and Jaworski is top notch.

    Can’t hold a candle to Hubie Brown though. I know he does basketball, but he is the best.

  83. 83.

    ellaesther

    @arguingwithsignposts: No worries, I didn’t think you were doubting my man. Because honestly, who could doubt? No thinking person! (I am so weird about stuff like this. When I decide that I love some artist, that’s it! I’m all in!)

    I’m outside of Chicago, in one of the Western Suburbs. But close enough to count! Where are you?

  84. 84.

    J. Michael Neal

    @asiangrrlMN:

    I don’t like Gruden. Too shouty for my tastes. And, I am not ready to be prez., either. How about a poll on me?

    There’s a straight line there that I’d run with if I weren’t so afraid that you have the power to reach through the intertubez and strangle me.

  87. 87.

    MattR

    I can’t believe the Ravens covered the spread. But does that mean that my luck is changing or that the sun shines on every dog’s ass once in a while?

  89. 89.

    asiangrrlMN

    @ellaesther: Damn, but I liked it! I don’t care if he’s Miley Cyrus’s hairdresser…oh wait, yes, I do.

    @Max: I am currently listening to this song, and it fucking kicks ass. I like her a great deal. She’s a freak like me.

    @arguingwithsignposts: I like the Pixies. I heard Kim Deal being interviewed on…wanna say Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, and she’s a trip and a half. This song is hot!

  91. 91.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Yes, it was “Wait, Wait…” that is the coolest show on NPR these days. I’m replaying “Hey” over and over now. I might have to break out some Violent Femmes just to wash that out of my system. :)

  93. 93.

    Thomas

    I kinda like Gruden, he’ll smooth out a little as the season goes on. But, as far as insight, the combo of him and Jaworski is top notch.

    Can’t hold a candle to Hubie Brown though. I know he does basketball, but he is the best.

    I totally agree with both statements. Hubie is a scientist of basketball.

    My all time favorite team though was a few years back when TNT’s NBA coverage had Kevin Harlan, Danny Ainge and John Thompson. Those guys were both insightful and funny. Or perhaps even better was when TNT teamed Steve Kerr and Marv Albert with Mike Fratello and all Steve and Marv did was make fun of Mike.

  94. 94.

    Max

    @asiangrrlMN: I agree. I love her.

    I’ve played it about 4 times and danced around my living room with my dog.

    I like “Get your shit together” off that same album.

    Thank you for getting me to play her tonight. Turns out I needed it myself.

  95. 95.

    RareSanity

    @Thomas:

    My all time favorite team though was a few years back when TNT’s NBA coverage had Kevin Harlan, Danny Ainge and John Thompson. Those guys were both insightful and funny. Or perhaps even better was when TNT teamed Steve Kerr and Marv Albert with Mike Fratello and all Steve and Marv did was make fun of Mike.

    Albert, Fratello and Kerr was dyn-o-mite! h/t (J.J. Evans)

    Fratello must be working in the Obama Administration now though….wait for it…he is the Czar of the Telestrator!

  101. 101.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Ha! it was either that or Blister in the Sun (which I dropped in the other thread). Another great underappreciated band (that got co-opted by the frat party folks).

  103. 103.

    Morbo

    Congratulations are in order to the great (according to Jaws and Gruden at least) Brady Quinn for somehow managing to outdo Jay Cutler’s quarterback rating futility of 33.6 despite Cutler having thrown 5 interceptions. Kudos.

    I know it seems like I’m piling on at this point, but it’s turning into a yearly ritual where the announcers hype the hell out of him when he starts Monday night. And he predictably fizzles out. Kornheiser really flogged that mule to death last year. I credit Gruden and Jaws at least for dialing it back, but they, too, lay it on pretty thick in the early going. Seriously, his hype to accomplishment and competence (H/(A+C)) ratio approaches that of Sarah Palin.

    Oh, and hell yeah, a week coming up where Stafford is actually going to be the better quarterback in the game. Hooray for a total toilet bowl game before our annual national humiliation.

    FYWP for eating my first comment and linking me to the Newsmax Sarah Palin offer even though I didn’t click on it.

  106. 106.

    J. Michael Neal

    @Morbo:

    Oh, and hell yeah, a week coming up where Stafford is actually going to be the better quarterback in the game. Hooray for a total toilet bowl game before our annual national humiliation.

    Can you believe that Jason Hanson has stuck with that sorry sack franchise for 18 years, for more than one of which he was the best player on the team?

  109. 109.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @handy:

    Damn, handy, that’s my fav. Femmes, just for the dark, almost bluegrass-like theme. Nobody ever talks about that song. Nobody. But it’s great.

  110. 110.

    RareSanity

    @J. Michael Neal:

    Can you believe that Jason Hanson has stuck with that sorry sack franchise for 18 years, for more than one of which he was the best player on the team?

    Why not? He’s the only kicker in NFL history* that for 18 straight years, he is NEVER been blamed for losing a game

    Sounds like a sweet deal to me…

    *This may not be true, but you get my point…

  115. 115.

    J. Michael Neal

    @Morbo: I appreaciate all that. I grew up in the Detroit area, if one is inclined to include Ann Arbor in that. I’m currently sitting here at the computer in my t-shirt with the front page of the Freep from June 9, 1997, with Yzerman holding the Cup over his head. I’m still attracted to the damned place, and still tell people that I’m from Michigan, not Minnesota.

    I just have no idea why someone on the *inside* of a train wreck like the Lions would stick around. When Barry Sanders retired, I understood; I wanted to keep him and kick the Lions out of town, but I understood. Jason Hanson is (or at least was) a good enough kicker that he should have had no trouble getting free agent offers from a team where the playoffs weren’t some sort of mythical land that you can only see on TV. I respect the hell out of it, mind you, but I know damned well that that’s a higher tolerance for abject failure than I could muster.

  119. 119.

    Jason Bylinowski

    @ellaesther: Yeah, I own that album too as a matter of fact. I kid you not, I used to watch Blue’s Clues before I ever had children, I just felt like Steve Burns was a very talented individual…..at what, exactly, I couldn’t really say, I just knew he was quality. I remember coming out of a terrible flu, being terribly tired of hearing about GW Bush on CNN, and flipping over to a Blue’s Clues marathon, and immediately thinking, “this guy is going places, what a talented dude.” Anyway, ironically, my son hated the show so I never got to see it much after that. I felt he should have gone into acting more than music.

  124. 124.

    Boney Baloney

    @Jason Bylinowski: Yeah, Burns crapped in his pants kind of like Pee Wee Herman, except in company. So his publicist came up with a brilliant defense:

    Q: Is Steve OK? I heard something awful happened and he’s totally dead or something?

    A: Ah, yes, everything you know is wrong. See, here’s a recent photo of Steve, and here’s another. So that wraps up any stories you might have heard, the Internet is full of lies, all done and dusted. Here’s another photo of Steve. See? Not dead.

    As we all know, this didn’t work very well. How hard is it to stow one’s tiny penis for a few years, when the money is rolling in? Some can do it and some can’t, apparently.

  125. 125.

    valdemar

    See our witty British response here:

    thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/sarah-palin-doesn't-know-what-radar-is-200911172231/

    During a grammatically terrifying interview Palin said her heroes were ‘Roland Reagan’ and ‘Mr God’ in what experts described as an unwitting appeal to America’s religious cretins that will probably work like a charm.

    Tom Logan, professor of politics at Reading University, said: “Don’t make the mistake of trying to convince yourself that Americans aren’t stupid enough to do this, because they are, and you know they are.”

  128. 128.

    Svensker

    @gyma:

    Family calls cops when attacked by pet cat. [apologies all around if already poste

    My cousins’s favorite cat turned on her the other day and attacked her. Fortunately, she was able to protect her face, but she had to have almost 100 stitches in her hands and arms. They have no idea why the cat went berserk — it’s only about 5, been with them since it was a kitten, not ill. Vet has taken the cat and will run some tests and either place it in another family or put it down. My cousin is too scared to have it back.

    Also, Gruden is twerpy. If he’d just shut up about 25% of the time, he’d be way more tolerable.

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