Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

Bark louder, little dog.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Meanwhile over at truth Social, the former president is busy confessing to crimes.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

Today’s GOP: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

Peak wingnut was a lie.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

We are aware of all internet traditions.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

The republican caucus is already covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

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142Comments

  5. 5.

    Crusty Dem

    In the AFC playoffs this year, anything is possible, you just need to get to the party. If you were in the NFC looking at Saints/Vikings in the divisional game, I’d be telling you to look ahead to next year…

  7. 7.

    Crusty Dem

    @Midnight Marauder:

    The Raiders are bad, but unpredictable, especially without Russell starting (worst draft pick of all time? I think so, I’d rather have 1998 Ryan Leaf starting for my team). Remember, they whacked the Eagles..

  8. 8.

    Midnight Marauder

    @Crusty Dem:

    The Raiders are bad, but unpredictable, especially without Russell starting (worst draft pick of all time? I think so, I’d rather have 1998 Ryan Leaf starting for my team). Remember, they whacked the Eagles.

    This is all very true, but if ever there was a head coach that could allow himself and his team to be embarrassed and outcoached by the Raiders, it would be Andy Reid. That was an abysmal performance a few weeks ago.

    I expect Mike Tomlin to make sure there is no friskiness from the Raiders’ sideline this afternoon.

  10. 10.

    SFAW

    Well, you’ve got Ben this week, I think it’ll be ok.

    Yeah, right. One more head shot, and Thomas Henderson will need to change his diss from Bradshaw to Roethlisberger.

    Either that, or Benjy can run for Senator from Oklahoma.

  11. 11.

    Sly

    OT: For what its worth, Nelson just spoke in favor of the bill on the Senate floor. With the necessary caveat that it “can be improved”.

    Please return to your discussion on an athletic competition that entails touching the skin of a dead pig, an act that is in direct contradiction of God’s Law. Sinners.

  13. 13.

    MBSS

    hang in there, john. i know last week was rough.

    if the 9ers beat the seahawks and the cards lose to minnesota, then they are both 6 and 6, atop the nfc west. also, warner is out this week, i’m pretty sure.

  14. 14.

    MBSS

    @MBSS:

    scratch my last post. the niners will still be one game back, and will have to beat the cards next week to tie it up.

  15. 15.

    Midnight Marauder

    @Crusty Dem:

    Can’t argue with that, but the Raiders D is actually pretty solid. And while no one is afraid of Grab-ass-ski, he’s an enormous upgrade from Russell.

    Yeah, the Raiders are actually legitimate on the defensive side of the ball. But on the subject of Gradkowski, I used to play with the Toledo Rockets in my NCAA Football dynasties (video games are awesome. Duh.) because the guy was a monster. I did a lot of sports broadcasting while in college, and on all of our sports talk shows, I would always tout Gradkowski has “The Best College Football Quarterback You Have Never Heard About” (pure hyperbole, of course. But still.)

    If you want to know what the kid is all about, check out this article about his performance in the 2004 MAC Championship game. A taste:

    A broken hand and separated shoulder were not enough to stop Bruce Gradkowski from lifting Toledo to the Mid-American Conference championship.
    __
    Gradkowski threw three of his four touchdown passes to Lance Moore, leading the Rockets to a 35-27 win over Miami (Ohio) in the MAC title game Thursday night.

    And that would be a broken throwing hand, by the way.

  16. 16.

    geg6

    After the performances of Pitt and the Pens yesterday, I’m due. But I’m not confident. Thankfully, I once again have a man plying me into a good mood no matter what with food. And wine. Wine always helps whatever.

  17. 17.

    smiley

    Are the 3-8 Redskins a prefect trap game for the Saints coming off their beat down of the Patriots? Could be. Saints first drive got one first down and then a punt. Redskins then drove it down the field and scored a TD. I know, it’s early.

  19. 19.

    The Grand Panjandrum

    No football for me today. I haz a sad. My Huskers lost the Big 12 Championship last night. It was a hell of a game but they should have won it even though the offense didn’t play that well.

  22. 22.

    Kiril

    @smiley: And now the Redskins are driving down the field again.

    Grrrrrr….

    UPDATE: And a field goal = 10-0 Redskins. WHAT IS HAPPENING!

  23. 23.

    Punchy

    once I found out who Tebow is

    You must live in a cave, without wireless, read one of those wierd papers without a sports section, never turn the TV on on Saturdays in the fall, from….well…about 8am to 11pm, didn’t graduate from the South, or from a SEC school, or a religious university, nor do you apparently subscribe to Douchebag QB Weekly or Overrated Illustrated.

  25. 25.

    Midnight Marauder

    Please tell me that Rex Grossman is NOT playing quarterback for the Houston Texans right now. Please.

    Edit: +2 (Because seriously, what else am I gonna do now?)

  30. 30.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    You must live in a cave, without wireless, read one of those wierd papers without a sports section, never turn the TV on on Saturdays in the fall, from….well…about 8am to 11pm, didn’t graduate from the South, or from a SEC school, or a religious university, nor do you apparently subscribe to Douchebag QB Weekly or Overrated Illustrated.

    Haha ) seriously though, what’s the deal with Tebow? I tend to not know or give a darn about players who aren’t on my teams.

  31. 31.

    Max

    My team has already lost for the week.

    On the bright side, I made Cheeseburger Soup last night and it is quite possibly, one of the best soups I have had.

  32. 32.

    MBSS

    @Xboxershorts:

    i broke my right hand which is my dominant hand. fapping with my left hand made me feel like i was cheating on my right. at least the cast kept my right hand from seeing what was happening, but maybe it could hear.

  33. 33.

    Corner Stone

    So…I’m just curious. In that Mastercard ad with Peyton and Alison, where they both give useless gifts to people.
    Are the two guys Peyton gives the wrapped football to supposed to be a gay couple? Is that the gag on that segment?
    Or is it just funny cause it’s a wrapped football and he’s like, “No way you guess what it is.”

  35. 35.

    Corner Stone

    @MBSS: Did you at least stick the right hand under a pillow fer god’s sake?
    Have a little common courtesy for a damn change!

  36. 36.

    MBSS

    sorry for that everyone. everyone take a drink like marauder, and i will be exponentially funnier.

  37. 37.

    Punchy

    i broke my right hand which is my dominant hand. fapping with my left hand made me feel like i was cheating on my right. at least the cast kept my right hand from seeing what was happening, but maybe it could hear.

    This is truly funny shit. I would love to see the divorce papers your right hand served you.

  38. 38.

    smiley

    @Punchy:

    …or Overrated Illustrated.

    You may not like Tebow but I don’t think you can call him overrated as a football player. He contributed a lot to the ’06 championship, had a lack luster ’07 season (by recent standards, not by historical UF standards), led the team to a championship last year, and a 12-1 season this year. He also holds almost all the important QB records in the SEC. He also broke Herschel Walker’s rushing TD record (albeit in 4 years rather than 3). He’s been an outstanding college football player, whether you like him or not.

  39. 39.

    Corner Stone

    @Notorious P.A.T.: He’s a physical freak and a dominant QB at the college level. He’ll never go anywhere at the next level (Hi You Don’t Say!).
    Plays for the Florida Gators, is beloved by his coach Urban Meyer. Additionally, Tebow is a major religious supporter, specifically he’s a Christian nutbag, and he writes bible verses in the black schmear under his eyes.
    I like to refer to him as Godboy, and enjoy it when he performs at a less than optimal level.
    Number one because I do not enjoy the FL Gators, and also because I do not like him shoving his Christian beliefs in everyone’s face.
    But that’s just me.

  40. 40.

    Midnight Marauder

    @Corner Stone:

    Hell yeah baby! We’re riding the Rex Train today!
    Or is that Train Rex…either way. Yes.

    I think you nailed it with Train Rex.

    “Matt Schaub left with undisclosed injury early in first quarter. Rex Grossman came in to save season. Now I know what the brave soldiers at Thermopylae felt like.” – Gov. Rick Perry (R – Texas)

    In other news, there’s an amazing (and bountiful) slate of early games this afternoon. The Redskins came to play.

  42. 42.

    Corner Stone

    “He likes to throw it up”

    Sound byte from one of the commentators regarding Grossman just now.
    Perfect.

  43. 43.

    Xboxershorts

    @Corner Stone:

    Yah, I get a kick outta the public prayers and pious displays, like God really has a favorite NFL or College team…

    get a grip (with the good hand of course)!

  47. 47.

    Midnight Marauder

    @Corner Stone:

    “He likes to throw it up”
    Sound byte from one of the commentators regarding Grossman just now.
    Perfect.

    Rex “fuck it I’m going deep” Grossman.

    That is what someone posted on my facebook wall, right as I saw this message from you. What did I do to ever deserve such horror?

    And the worst part that is people from Chicago can’t even enjoy Grossman tormenting another team since they are currently stuck enjoying the Jay Cutler era (at least when they’re not scrimmaging against the St. Louis Rams. That can’t count as an actual win, right? There are rules against that kind of thing, no?)

  49. 49.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    Or is it just funny cause it’s a wrapped football and he’s like, “No way you guess what it is.”

    That’s the impression that I got.

  51. 51.

    Corner Stone

    @You Don’t Say: I know!
    I know it. But since we’re just having a friendly wager on it I’ve gotta milk it for everything I can.
    Don’t take anything out of it, I’m just going to be my usual jerk self until such time as one of us wins.

  52. 52.

    smiley

    @Corner Stone:

    …I do not like him shoving his Christian beliefs in everyone’s face. But that’s just me.

    No it’s not. Quite a lot of UF fans agree with you. Not to mention all the other college football fans who feel the same way (probably a large percentage). He’s not just a Christian nut bag, he a evangelical Christian nut bag. To him, it’s his duty to shove his Christian beliefs in everyone’s face.

  54. 54.

    Punchy

    /rechecks roster….sees “Schaub” is currently in QB position

    Please tell me this Rex Sucksmann banter is just a joke, right?

  55. 55.

    smiley

    @Corner Stone:

    I do not like him shoving his Christian beliefs in everyone’s face. But that’s just me.

    No it’s not. Quite a lot of UF fans feel the same way.

  57. 57.

    Midnight Marauder

    @Corner Stone:

    I saw your post from last night at 3:30 where you have the +10.
    I like your style. Can’t be said enough.

    Much appreciated. And I enjoy the cut of your jib, as well. Last night was a good night. Unlike right now, as I watch the Texans go down in flames with Rex Grossman at the helm of the ship. Ugh. It’s just downright disgusting.

    I am pretty damn sure you could answer this question if you really wanted to.

    Yeah, yeah. I know. When you’re right, you’re right and all that jazz. By the way, is Andre Johnson still alive? Did he retire after the first quarter or something?

  60. 60.

    Midnight Marauder

    Drew Brees is unbelievable. I just don’t know if you can stop, or even keep pace with, this offense this season.

    Edit: Matt Schaub is back in the game?! And he’s throwing to Andre Johnson?! Oh happy day! There is much rejoicing right now.

  61. 61.

    Morbo

    Brees TD pass to Colston for 40 yards, phew. I was thinking I’d go into halftime with 0 receiving yards by WRs.

  66. 66.

    Corner Stone

    I just could not care less about the Iggles – Falcons game on Fox in my area.
    I would kick someone in the junk for the chance to be swapping from Texans to Saints.

  70. 70.

    Midnight Marauder

    Look at Vince Young getting another one on the board for the Titans right before the half. Trailing 21-10 at the half? I’ll take that. More than enough space for some “you have to be fucking kidding me” second half heroics from VY.

  71. 71.

    Demo Woman

    It appears that Florida State might be offered a nice bowl game just cuz it’s Bobby’s last year. If it happens, it means a better team gets screwed.

  73. 73.

    Midnight Marauder

    HOLY SHIT! What an unreal play to close out the half between the Saints-Redskins. I can’t believe he took that ball away. But was that even an interception to begin with? Seems dubious. He definitely wasn’t down when he caught it; he hit his own man. Oh wow, that was insane. When it’s your season, it’s your season, I guess.

    +3

  75. 75.

    Midnight Marauder

    I also like how this replay challenge has lasted almost the entire length of “Don’t Fear The Reaper.” How long are these supposed to be again?

    Edit: It’s your season, I guess. Touchdown, Saints. Tie ballgame.

  78. 78.

    Demo Woman

    According to MSNBC College Talk online Urban Meyer was hospitalized after the game

    According to ESPN.com, Gators head coach Urban Meyer admitted himself to a Gainesville hospital in the hours after the championship game. The coach was treated for dehydration, although it’s unclear if he’s been released from the hospital at this hour.UF spokesman Steve McClain told the website that Meyer “is doing well now.”…….
    It’s uncertain why Tim Tebow wasn’t available to lay his hands on Meyer and avert a trip to the hospital altogether.

    The last line is great!

  80. 80.

    Corner Stone

    @Demo Woman: He was dehydrated most likely due to complications of a spontaneous Stigmata.
    Crying like a little girl from his eyes and copious bleeding from a massive butthurt.

  84. 84.

    Corner Stone

    Some motherfrakkin body play defense please. I know it’s the second half and you’re all in line for hodogs and nachos but fer god’s sake.

  86. 86.

    demkat620

    Vick just scored his first td of the season in Atlanta.

    Have I mentioned yet today how much I hate Andy Reid?

    My Iggles, I see, are determined to win just enough games to get Reid his five year extension.

  87. 87.

    Midnight Marauder

    @Corner Stone:

    I hope they fucking bury Torry Holt. Put him in a body bag! Yeeaahhh!!

    You have no idea how happy you have made me with that reference. Tip o’ the hat to you for that one. This next one is most certainly for you.

    Edit: Did anyone else just hear some disturbingly heavy panting before the last snap on the Saints-Redskins game? Please tell me I was not alone in hearing this. Please.

  89. 89.

    Midnight Marauder

    That was a pretty dreadful 4th down call by the Saints just now. Why not go for some playaction, especially if you stick Mike Bell in the backfield? Uncharacteristically dumb of the Saints.

  91. 91.

    debit

    So, I go grocery shopping so I can make my Vaguely Italian Soup and come back to find the Saints and Washington tied. I get it all in the crock pot and find Washington running it in for another TD. What the hell is going on?!

  93. 93.

    Midnight Marauder

    Yes you did, Mario Williams! Nom nom nom all over Garrard. Wait, they’re challenging the play? Fuck you, Jacksonville. Why don’t you blackout a few more home games, you bastards?

  95. 95.

    Midnight Marauder

    @Corner Stone:

    Andre Johnson lives! He lives!!

    About goddamn time. And on the subject, Bruce Gradkowski is in the building. 13-10, Raiders. Yikes!

    +4

  97. 97.

    Demo Woman

    The Eagles sure know how to pour salt in a wound. Besides Vick scoring his first td since being released from prison, they now are letting him qb for the fourth quarter. Well just fuck!

  99. 99.

    smiley

    Looks like the Redskins might be the trap I asked about earlier: @smiley: Arrgh. Still a lot of game left I guess and the Saints can score quickly (added) but they have to figure out how to stop the Skins.

  100. 100.

    Midnight Marauder

    Um, I hate to say I told you so about the whole Bruce Gradkowski thing (I mean, did I even really tell you so?), but I think I told you so. 75 yard bomb to re-take the lead? Wow, that’s huge.

  103. 103.

    parksideq

    @Pigs & Spiders: THIS. I’m only watching the ‘phone so that I can see if they hand the dreaded Patriots an L. Looks like they just might.

    The Eagles are on FOX, and that game is such a blowout that I don’t even care to watch it anymore. So sad that NYC is missing all the good games right now. The only way I’ll be consoled is if the Gints beat the Cowboys (and there’s no guarantee of that happening).

  104. 104.

    Bubba Dave

    @Morbo: Meanwhile, while Sims-Walker has done squat, Roddy White just caught a TD to go with his 100 yards receiving on my bench, in a game I need to win to (a) avoid relegation to my office “B” league next year and (b) have a prayer of making the playoffs.

    Thank heavens for Jonathan Stewart….

  105. 105.

    parksideq

    Btw, I see edit capabilities on my iPhone, but I’m too scared of Safari mobile crashing to actually test it. Anyone know if it’s the real life, or if it’s fantasy?

  106. 106.

    Midnight Marauder

    @Bubba Dave:

    Thank heavens for Jonathan Stewart….

    You said it with that one. Finally makes me feel justified for drafting him all those many moons ago. In other news…

    OH SNAP, SON! Bruce Gradkowski just got big all over Heinz Field.

    20-33, 308 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs.

    I think I can say I told you so now.

    +5

  110. 110.

    Midnight Marauder

    Shaun Suisham, please meet my good friend, Shankopotamus.

    Wow. How do you miss that one?

  111. 111.

    Max

    Someone needs to check in on @John Cole.

    He’s 2 dogs in and the Steelers lose to the fucking Raiders.

  112. 112.

    Morbo

    …Really, Fox? You HAVE to get us to a late game during a potential two-minute game-tying drive? Hmmph. Also, LOL, Steelers.

  113. 113.

    parksideq

    Annnnnd, Tom Brady was intercepted, with 0:35 left, 22-21 Dolphins. Hopefully the review shows that Brady wasn’t sacked and was in fact, intercepted.

    Annnnnnnd, it stands! Lights out, New England!

  114. 114.

    Bubba Dave

    @Morbo: I like how they HAVE to get us to two minutes’ worth of commercials before they shift us to the late game.

    (Go Cowboys!)

  116. 116.

    Midnight Marauder

    You have got to be fucking kidding me. The Saints do it again. It totally is your season, no guessing required. I can’t wait until they win the toss in overtime and then march down the field for the game winning score in 5 plays.

  123. 123.

    Midnight Marauder

    WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?! What a terrible throw by Jason Campbell. And now :28 for the Saints to win the game. Wow. I fully expect the Saints to kick the GW field goal from inside the 15.

  126. 126.

    Midnight Marauder

    58 yards for the win? Here we go…

    Edit: Much better call to try and get a few more yards. But then it goes for nothing. Oh well. Now it’s time for the 58 yarder. No good. And we’re going to overtime! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

  127. 127.

    parksideq

    @jwb: Sweet, I’ll be sure to make use of it at some point.

    As far as football is concerned: I love the Giants (and hate the Cowboys) and I live in the heart of the NY/NJ media market, but I would LOVE it if they could just show the end of the Saints game.

  131. 131.

    Midnight Marauder

    @jwb:

    They cut away from the Saints-Redskins here as well. Irritating.

    Chalk one up for the city that doesn’t have a professional football team. You crazy for this one, Los Angeles!

    +6

  133. 133.

    parksideq

    Ok, Joe Buck’s voice is slightly grating. But that might also be my hangover talking.

    Did the Saints win yet, or should I start preparing for the impending apocalypse?

    ETA: anyone checked in on John Cole recently? He’s probably catatonic right about now.

  134. 134.

    Midnight Marauder

    Oh wow. Saints’ ball?! That is a HUGE call. I don’t know about that one, but I do know that the Saints are about to go marching in on 12-0 (Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week day.)

  136. 136.

    Midnight Marauder

    I love how the Saints are just pounding it in instead of the typical “kick the field goal on 1st down” approach. Punch it in, punch it in, punch it in.

    Edit: And there’s your ballgame. 33-30, Saints in OT. Tough day to be a Redskins fan. Just like yesterday and tomorrow.

  137. 137.

    Nethead Jay

    FIELD GOAL SAINTS!!!!!

    Damn, that was a nerve biter…

    Edit: And now edit is working again, cool.

  139. 139.

    clussman

    Not worth much, but thanks.

    Playing for pride doesn’t help your draft picks much, so maybe its better this way. Then again, Vinny Fucking Cerrato gets to make those picks so it’s probably a wash either way.

    Can a few wingnuts be spared to waterboard Synder until he agrees to sell the Skins? I’ve been a lifelong fan and I’ve had to watch him fuck my team up for my entire adult life.

  140. 140.

    Morbo

    Aw come on! There’s a bench-clearing fight in the Dallas/New York game and you’re not even going to show it? Bad form again, Fox, bad form.

  141. 141.

    Steeplejack

    @John Cole:

    If they lose this one . . .

    Wow. Losing to the Raiders at home. That is some sad shit right there. Condolences, Cole.

  142. 142.

    I need a name for in here

    I really can’t figure the Steelers out this year, Ben’s looked off of his game for several games, he’s not quite getting the ball in spots as precisely as he did before. Heath Miller has dropped the ball several times which usually doesn’t happen, and the defense isn’t playing like it did before. I blame Obama.

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