Mister C asks of the Jesus retail store ratings:
Where is Neiman Marcus? too Jew from the get-go?
Am I reading too much into The War On Christmas when I think that forcing retailers to talk about the Baby Jesus is especially troubling in light of the fact that so many retail stores were founded by Jewish Americans? Anyway, a lot of the big department stores (Saks, Bergdorf, Neiman, for example) have huge Christmas displays — isn’t that enough already?
Is there something a bit more sinister than meets the eye with all this forced Jesusism? Or have I just had too much to drink?
I guess that when I think of forcing people to say “the baby Jesus thanks you for this purchase”, it just sounds like something out of Medieval Europe to me.
comrade scott's agenda of rage
If these people secede and create their theocratic 21st Century Confederate States of ‘Murka outta the Old South, you can be guarandamnteed that little statement will be required in all stores.
russell
Here’s my thought of the day for the war on Christmas folks:
Jesus doesn’t give a single, solitary crap where you shop.
Not one.
Zam
Yea, I have a serious problem with these nutjobs thinking retail workers must recognize the “miracle” of Jesus. Otherwise no one would ever shop and no one would have a job. I don’t think they realize that forcing non Christians to recognize their shit while at work could lead to some serious lawsuits.
Edit: ooo I have edit again
Quaker in a Basement
Is there something a bit more sinister than meets the eye with all this forced Jesusism? Or have I just had too much to drink?
Yes.
And maybe.
comrade scott's agenda of rage
Fixited
Corner Stone
I just could not give one shit less about this topic.
kommrade reproductive vigor
They don’t care. They don’t care about the religion of the founders. They don’t care about the religion of the cashiers. They don’t care that businesses have determined it’s better to make more people feel welcome because it encourages them to hand over their cash.
This isn’t about Christmas. If those fucks gave a shit about Jesus they’d be too busy doing good works to give a damn. This is about feeling persecuted and whining.
Michael G
Nobody expects the Christmas inquisition!
Egypt Steve
I’m sure you have had too much to drink, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
eric
The irony is that these otherwise free-marketeers cant stand the fact that if a store went all “praise jesus, here is your receipt,” that company would get crushed in the marketplace. The disposable income of teh gheys and teh jewz is not the kind of money that retailers want to pi$$ off in a grand display of religiousity.
eric
Calvin Jones and the 13th Apostle
I never understood why supposedly god-fearing Christians gave two shits about consumerism. I doubt Jesus would approve of their crusade. Because that is exactly what it is.
beabea
This country elected* GWB twice, there’s growing climate change denialism and belief in creationism, hundreds wait in line to shell out their scarce cash for a ghost-written “book” hastily produced for the sole purpose of lining the pockets of a two-penny grifter who ran for Vice President…and now we rate stores as Christmas-friendly, Christmas-negligent, or Christmas-offensive.
Our transformation into the world’s laughingstock is complete.
*(add the usual disclaimers and qualifiers).
Edit: Oh, cool! Editing capability. I don’t comment much, so maybe this is not new. But anyway, thanks John.
calipygian
It’s also about the will of the Christian majority crushing the minority. It’s about the attempted alienation of anyone who is not white and Christian, preferably evangelical Protestant. It is the early stages of the attempted Talibanization of the United States. Rest assured, if the United States had the equivalent of the giant Buddha statues of Bamiyan, some Christian nut would have parked a Ryder truck full of diesel and fertilizer next to it by now.
Midnight Marauder
@Corner Stone:
I can haz Sunday Night Football Open Thread?
Edit: I cannot get enough of these Cold Case commercials. “I BET EVERYTHING ON DEBATE!” Kills me every time.
+8
Montysano (All Hail Marx & Lennon)
Full of sound and fury, etc.
If these 15% knuckledraggers didn’t make for entertaining teevee, we’d never hear about them. Fuck ’em. It’s just a bunch of noise from a group who will never win at a national level again.
Which begs the question: when will younger Republicans like Cantor, Pawlenty, etc. decide that they’re not going to go down with the ship? And once one or two bolt, will there be a mad rush for the exits?
Silver Owl
If a 5 year old said, “You call me and all kids my age super duper dukey head or I’ll tell my mom on you!” do adults every where start calling all 5 year olds super duper dukey heads?
It is the same mentality.
Now if these insecure christians need adult reassurance about the choices they made then maybe they should wear a badge that says, “I am insecure about my personal choice in faith and require validation and reassurance from you. Please help me.”
comrade scott's agenda of rage
I doubt Jesus would have understood 21st century capitalism. Oh wait, he’s devine, all-knowing, all-seeing. Or he was just another radical Jew in a period that was rife with apocalypic “prophets” and this one happened to spend 40 day with no food and water so that the resultant haluecinations convinced him he was the son of the Old Testament god.
It woulds been much easier if he’d simply play Black Sabbath records backwards at 78rpm.
calipygian
@Montysano (All Hail Marx & Lennon):
I honestly don’t think Cantor or Pawlenty are that bright.
Huntsman, on the other hand, didn’t just bolt for the door, he ran all the way to motherfucking China to get away from the crazy.
And he was governor of a state that WELCOMES the crazy.
Max
A Tale of Two Sites:
One Obama Meeting on the Hill
TPM Headline is “Fired Up? Obama Rallies Dems To Wrap Up Health Care Bill”
HuffPo Headline is ‘SILENT TREATMENT Obama Doesn’t Mention Public Option In Health Care Speech To Senators ‘
Arianna and crew is a joke. Their attempts to be Drudge are obvious.
calipygian
@Silver Owl:
It amuses me to no end that the Christian god is so weak, that He constantly needs reassurance at the cash register or help from Congress to keep His self-esteem up.
beabea
@Calvin Jones and the 13th Apostle
This brings to mind a bumper sticker I once saw:
“Jesus is coming, and boy is he pissed!”
Wish I could find it to slap on my car, and drive around and piss off a few folks here in Central Wingnuttia.
While making my rounds of the Gap, Banana Republic and Best Buy. I want to see what an 80+% Christmas-Offensive rating is all about.
Midnight Marauder
@calipygian:
This can’t be said enough. Hunstsman really is the Smartest Guy In The Room on the Republican side of things. When 2016 rolls around and he steps off the plane fresh from Beijing, he’s going to seem like a foreign creature to the folks in The Village.
Nellcote
OT. Tom Friedman compared the AfPac plan to “an unemployed couple adopting a special need baby”.
LaPalin won’t be pleased.
calipygian
Forget it Doug, it’s Focus on the Family.
Think of the annual “Stand for Christmas” to be a kind of douchebaggy NPR fund drive week for people who shower with their kids.
Quoting James Dobson on preventing teh ghey:
Meanwhile, the boy’s father has to do his part. He needs to mirror and affirm his son’s maleness. He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl. He can help his son learn to throw and catch a ball. He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard. He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.
corwin
For all the moaning about how much we don’t acknowledge Jesus’ birthday, it should be pointed out that his actual date of birth is not known. It almost certainly was not December 25 as is claimed. That was largely to coincide with other pagan rituals around the same time, and as such was a political decision. Then we have a problem with the calendar that was changed from the Julian to the Gregorian system several hundred years ago. What does it really mean to say December 25, when discussing an event over 2000 years in the past? Then add in all the other Christmas traditions, Christmas trees, reindeer, Santa Claus, and you find that Christmas today is a glorified mish mash of traditions going back hundreds or thousands of years BCE on up to modern times. The real symbols of Christmas these days are a 1920’s Coka Cola ad, and a WalMart gift card.
Belafon (formerly anonevent)
This was the high point for Christians. Peasants learning to read and not being forced to have a certain set of beliefs ruined everything. And that whole middle class thing after the plague, that just completely fucked things up.
John Cole
I honestly don’t think they put that much thought into it, DougJ. Someone on Fox or talk radio tells them while they are eating their mayonnaise sandwich that their “values are under attack,” a bunch of their idiot friends send them chain emails talking about the war on christmas, the Republicans stoke it, their baptist minister and Bill Donohoe reinforce it, and voila, there is a War on Christmas out there.
Nikki
No. Just too upscale for the drooling morons who buy into this “War on Christmas” shit.
Zam
@Montysano (All Hail Marx & Lennon):People like Pawlenty came to the party because of this shit. Pretty much all younger repubs I know went that way because the party basically offered a place for them to high five each other over how many times they think they put some non-believer in their place.
DougJ
I honestly don’t think they put that much thought into it, DougJ.
I don’t think they think they’re doing this. But they are doing it, nevertheless.
comrade scott's agenda of rage
In other words, The Right Wing Noise Machine or as Secretary Clinton once called it The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.
HRA
“I guess that when I think of forcing people to say “the baby Jesus thanks for this purchase”, it just sounds like something out of Medieval Europe to me.”
Not exactly. There was a time when all school projects referring to Christmas were banned. If anyone remembers making chains out of colored paper, it was banned.
Where I grew up the merchants were predominately Jewish. Every business was decorated for Christmas and some of them would wish their customers Merry Christmas, too. They would receive Happy Hannukah in return. I worked in some of these places as a teen.
BTW, no one expected Baby Jesus to be anywhere except church on the eve and the day.
It was not medieval Europe at all.
comrade scott's agenda of rage
I just had another thought: is this the Taliganelists getting all medieval on our non-Christian asses?
On second thought, probably not. Those asshats couldn’t find medieval Europe on a map.
DougJ
BTW, no one expected Baby Jesus to be anywhere except church on the eve and the day.
So you grew up in a community of secular hippies. What does that prove?
Leelee for Obama
This is brilliantly on target. I would add the Polar Bears and “I’d like to teach to world to Sing.”
Who coulda knowed that a soft drink that originally delivered cocaine could now be the symbol of all things perfect and Christian.
beabea
@John Cole
I think that’s right. (Oops, there’s that word “think” again). Because we think, we tend to assume that others do as well. But if you really think about it, there is so much evidence out there against that assumption.
russell
Any Bunuel fans out there? It’s almost time for the Revolutionary Army of the Infant Jesus to make its appearance.
DougJ
It’s almost time for the Revolutionary Army of the Infant Jesus to make its appearance.
What movie is that from?
b-psycho
I can’t help but wonder what the reaction of these people would be if some store manager, after getting sick of them, put up a full scale nativity scene right by the door with a dark-skinned Yeshua…
BTW: edit works here.
comrade scott's agenda of rage
Were there any other kind?
Midnight Marauder
@DougJ:
That sounds like the makings of an amazing new tag right there. But a very rarely deployed tag. I mean, rare like crystal skulls rare.
Just something to think about…
Belafon (formerly anonevent)
@HRA: In Texas, at least, I think the paper chains disappeared because testing is taking up the remaining time, and budgets have been cut so low that all that construction paper being wasted cannot be tolerated. Parents have to buy teacher supplies at the beginning of the year, not just the school supplies.
But you’re correct in one sense. Not much really has changed, and yet people weren’t screaming about this 20+ years ago. I think that has something to do with the fact that these ultra-conservatives hadn’t tasted true power and then lost it. These days, they’re trying anything they can to get it back.
Mark S.
Apparently not. The comment from earlier today that blew me away:
I mean, that’s unbelievable. He or she wants the clerk to fucking testify to them. What the hell planet are these people from? Do they have any friends or family members who might hint to them that they are acting like a jerk?
Anne Laurie
@Zam:
So, the Young Republicans are the political branch of the sorry-arse loosers buying tickets to Seth Rogan movies and all the other “bromance” crap?
While the Permanent Party Repubs are happy to join their openly mercantalist fellows in taking money from a bunch of permanent adolescents whose only emotional settings are ‘opposition’ and ‘victimization’?
Sounds about right!
ploeg
@comrade scott’s agenda of rage:
There were the Jesus freaks.
Tim F
Let’s not beat-around-the-bush here. The “standforchristmas” people are the same dangerous idiots that will hide behind their god and “good christian values’ when they’re blowing up a federal building in OK City.
Wile E. Quixote
@comrade scott’s agenda of rage
What do you mean? Sarah Palin can see medieval Europe from her house.
gogol's wife
@comrade scott’s agenda of rage: Yes, there were Jesus freaks. People don’t seem to remember them.
mai naem
A woman I know told me that Walgreens is open on Christmas because its owned by Jooos. You can’t tell these idiots that,uhm, maybe they’re open because they sell medical related stuff that is usually needed immediately. Also too, Walgreens only keeps the 24 hr ones open on Christmas but that would destroy her theory.
comrade scott's agenda of rage
@gogol’s wife:
They just never make it into any of the rock documentaries from the period which is how I view everything from the late 60s and early 70s. I usta get a contemporary telling of such tales from my older cousin back then but I think now she was wasted all of the time.
JK
Doug,
The “War on Christmas” is the one of the biggest non-stories of recent years.
More posts with titles referring to rock songs please.
gnomedad
@mai naem:
The police and fire departments are run by Jews, also.
Zam
@mai naem: There are non-24hr ones? They must exist only in that real America I hear so much about, since Jesus makes sure those people never get sick at inconvenient times.
gogol's wife
@comrade scott’s agenda of rage: I wish I’d been wasted when I went to one of their gatherings in 1970 or so.
Tony P.
My favorite bumper sticker: JESUS HELPS ME FOOL PEOPLE
The thing all god-botherers worry about deep down is that atheists have got it right: gods are a figment of the human imagination. Believers know that when people stop believing in gods, the Earth will still turn on its axis, oxygen atoms will still have 8 protons, cows will still give milk, and there will still be 3 feet in a yard. They worry, IOW, that nothing will change when the last human being stops harboring the last god inside his own head. So it is absolutely essential for them to drum god into people’s heads — god’s very survival is at stake, you see.
–TP
scav
@calipygian: It’s not just the Xian god that’s insecure and created sycophants so that they might reassure him, he created them in his own image. Those latter are not even secure in their marriages or sexuality if they see someone one enjoying an alternative. After/if they triumph against the dreaded gheys, I’ve no doubt they’ll go ban marrying brunettes because that’s threatening to their standard of blonds.
techno
There is probably no one on planet earth that hates Christmas like I do. And for good reason. I grew up in a parsonage and Christmas was crazy-time. Literally–my mother would be so stressed out planning all the feasts, and caroling, a pageants that she was borderline psychotic. And of course, everything had to be done for the approval of crabby church ladies.
As far as I am concerned, the holiday could disappear and it would much please me.
But these folks who complain about TWOC HAVE a point. For the devout, the music is MUCH to secular. For the humble, it is MUCH too commercial. And it is commercial interests that take a twelve-day celebration religious celebration into a three month, you-aren’t-spending-enough, guilt trip. I think the folks who object to the commercialization of their religious holiday should boycott ANY establishment that takes out their Christmas decorations before the solstice.
beabea
@Mark S.
Yet more evidence that these dingalings really don’t think things through at all.
If you’re using nativity paper, it means baby Jesus will be torn apart, crumpled up, and thrown in the trash.
Hello!
Quaker in a Basement
A woman I know told me that Walgreens is open on Christmas because its owned by Jooos.
And a damn good thing it is, too. Else, where would good Christians go for antiseptic and bandages after drunken Uncle Chuck slashes his thumb clean down to the bone because he was trying to carve the Christmas ham at the same time he was railing against the secular humanists who are secretly trying to destroy the country?
Thanks, Jooos.
Montysano
@Zam:
Maybe. But if it becomes apparent that this will no longer win elections, what then? Continue to ride the TWOC/birther crazy train to oblivion? Plus, if Obama catches a break or two: the economy is better, HCR is a win, Afghanistan improves, etc, then Teh Crazy will be even further out of the running. Yeah, maybe Cantor ain’t that bright, but some of them will be, and it’ll be interesting to see who jumps ship first.
Because someone will.
Joshua Norton
Jesus Saves …. when he shops at Macy’s!
scav
@beabea: Kinda like the patriots that buy US flag doormats. Doesn’t the image of wiping their feet on the old glory spark any neuronal flickerings?
dmsilev
@mai naem:
Nonsense. As any Jew can tell you, we are all legally obligated to spend Christmas in a Chinese restaurant.
-dms
beabea
@scav
US flag doormats? Yikes! I’m a European immigrant screeching liberal, and even I know that’s totally wrong.
I’m seeing a US flag doormat at the home of Mr. Nativity Paper. He wipes his feet on it after coming home from the Christmas-friendly stores with his nativity-paper-wrapped junk, then make himself a nice mayonnaise sandwich and sits down to watch Fox Noize to replenish his TWOC fauxtrage for his next shopping foray.
Edit: Moderation? What did I do? I deleted the forbidden soc ial ist word from my self-description!
Jamie
Well, the fact that they’re going to the Gap to get their religion buzz should tell you something here.
Wolfdaughter
If a store clerk told me that the baby Jesus appreciated my purchase, I would probably give that person the gimlet eye and reply that Jesus’s reported actions re the temple money-changers are hardly consistent with the idea of the baby Jesus appreciating anyone’s Christmas purchases.
I don’t personally give a damn on whether a clerk wishes me Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or whatever. And the idea that Christmas is under any sort of threat…mind-boggling. I feel sorry for these people; I truly do.
mcd410x
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal … and can buy their presents wrapped in the Baby Jesus.
(Do they even make Baby Jesus wrapping paper?)
Martin
@Calvin Jones and the 13th Apostle:
They care about consumerism because how else do you know who God cares about? If I’m blessed with the income to buy a 62″ plasma, that says something to my neighbors – Jesus loves me more than them.
Leelee for Obama
@dmsilev: And then go see a [email protected]
Joshua Norton: This reminds me of the bumper sticker from the late 60s: “Jesus saves…but Esposito scores on the rebound!”
Martin
Religious folks believe the same thing – they just think someone else’s gods are a figment of the human imagination.
Everyone is an atheist, it’s just that some of us are better at it than others.
MikeJ
@Leelee for Obama: Jesus saves souls and redeems them for valuable prizes.
kommrade reproductive vigor
@b-psycho: The Evans would scream that it is too Catholic-y. Bill Donohue would claim the brown baby Jesus had been dipped in feces.
Leelee for Obama
@MikeJ: Like trading stamps, or cigarette coupons? Wow, that’s a sweet deal.
Mike G
In the name of the Xtian Purity Police, I declare all of the Jesus-store-raters to be Christmas blasphemers for giving any gift other than gold, frankincense or myrrh. Decorated trees are a co-opting of a pagan celebration, as is the date of December 25.
Astronomers indicate from the constellations mentioned in the nativity story that Jesus was born on June 17, 2 B.C.
You must also dig your old calendars out of the trash and and denounce anyone who does not concur that it is currently the middle of June, 2006, to correct for this inaccuracy.
So unless you celebrate Christmas on June 17 by giving each other only the gifts prescribed by the Three Wise Men, you’re a Murka-hating satanist terrist-lover who hates Christians.
SpotWeld
Stores need to start installing an emergency baby Jesus employment system.
If a customer begins to rang that they haven’t been wishes a proper “Merry CHRISTmas” a large red button is pushed, a trapdoor in the ceiling opens and the customer is slowly buried in a ever growing pile of plastic baby Jeususes (the kind for sale for 1.99 and every Church gift shop and made in China).
It’ll be like a hyper-Christian version of the ending of “Trouble With Tribbles”
Joshua Norton
I’d take them more seriously if most Protestant churches were not closed on the actual religious holiday.
They don’t give a damned about “christmas”. It’s just another authoritarian wacko, wingnut power trip to try to get others to knuckle under to their arbitrary demands.
asiangrrlMN
@Corner Stone: Ditto this. Twice. Thrice. Bored now. Vikings thread? kthxbai.
WereBear
They’re Visible Christians.
They have cross pendants and pocket Bibles. They leave Chick tracts in waiting rooms. They say public grace in restaurants, and when they are done, they leave a tract instead of a tip.
They often have a huge Bible on a stand in their living room and their gardens feature plywood cutouts of chubby ladies bending over to show the edge of bloomers under their dresses. They are only allowed pleasure when it comes with a church-mandated stamp of approval, which restricts the possible choices to Christian rock music, TV shows with angels, and deep fried foods covered in gravy.
They are in a constant competition to out-Jeebus each other; from the elaborateness of their tri-layer Jello molded salads for the church potlucks to the verse-quoting abilities of their offspring, and, now, who can have the strictest standards of retail harassment.
They can’t be happy unless it has some kind of holy stamp; they can’t be sad because it’s all God’s will, whatever they are suffering.
They’re batshit insane; and who wouldn’t be? Living under the threat of constant eternal suffering in hell for being human; a curse they are told they carry from the moment of birth.
Not all Christians are like that. Just the ones who delight in tormenting others. But there’s a reason for it, the same reason they really, truly, can’t wait for the Rapture.
It gets them out of the living hell they are in.
charles johnson
“I guess that when I think of forcing people to say “the baby Jesus thanks for this purchase”, it just sounds like something out of Medieval Europe to me.”
It sounds like something out of Shit Grammar to me.
MikeJ
I don’t think you’re limited to giving only what the magi gave. Anything is acceptable, even just a song on a drum.
You don’t get any of those gifts though. You have to wander afar and give them to little jewish babies who have “Father: unknown” checked on their certificates of live birth.
kommrade reproductive vigor
@SpotWeld: Sounds like a TalEvangical wet dream to me.
wag
When you look at the number of ratings of each of the stores, i seems to me that this could be an astroturf marketing attempt by WalMart to steer gullible right wingers towards their stores. The ratings are all based on 150 comments. It would be easy to reverse-astroturf this if you were Gap and cared about the ratings. On the other hand, if you don’t give a rat’s buttocks about the 20% who worship Palin-o-Beck (who may not have as much to spend this time of year, given their demographics), the who cares what they think. Market to the broad middle of the country, and be Merry!
jwb
@asiangrrlMN: Don’t mind the thread, but could really use a new one for Sunday night football.
asiangrrlMN
@jwb: Damn right. Just because the Stillers lost…not our fault, Cole.
Kyle
But you must demand to see the long form. How do you know they weren’t really born in Kenya?
Anoniminous
“Whenever sad, pathetic, people gather together,
When those with an inability to function beyond a grade school recess level speak,
As those whose cognitive ability equals the intellectual heights of whale shit command media attention,
Yes, Virginia, there is a War on Christmas.”
Omnes Omnibus
@Mike G: My mother once received a box (decorated with gold) filled with frankincense and myrrh as an X-mas gift. Rather apropos, I thought.
On Edit: There is a Santa Claus; I have an edit function.
Wile E. Quixote
When I become dictator and am given absolute power (and unlike the rest of the guys who ask for this sort of power I know that I could be trusted with it) I’m going to hand down the following edicts about Christmas, right after the show trials and executions and extensive droit de seigneur.
1) Christmas in July, September or any month of the year other than December is hereby banned. Anyone violating this ban will be punished by death.
2) Christmas decorations and advertising for Christmas are prohibited until the day after Thanksgiving. Anyone violating this ban will be punished by death, with refinements.
3) The song Christmas in the Northwest. The most horribly treacly Christmas song ever written, is banned. Anyone playing this song will be harvested for their organs with the proceeds going to Toys for Tots. Brenda White, who originated the song, will be fed to hungry pigs.
4) Journalists who write stories about “Black Friday”, “Cyber Monday” or any other made up bullshit consumerist event will be rounded up and forced to star in a very special Christmas special where they will be fed to lions. Afterwards the Charlie Brown Christmas Special will be shown.
5) “Fuck you”, “Get Bent”, “Suck it” and “Blow me” will be recognized as legitimate responses to any greetings of “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas”.
6) Holy shit! Editing works in Safari!
7) Lincoln’s birthday and Washington’s birthday need to be recognized as separate holidays. President’s day will be moved to August and will be celebrated on the first Friday following the first Monday in the month of August and the following Monday. This will give Americans a four day weekend in the summer because FSM knows we need one.
The Other Steve
It’s time we just admitted that we are Losing the War on Christmas.
Every year the Christmas sales get earlier. This year they started putting up decorations before Halloween!
kommrade reproductive vigor
Sorry to go OT, but is anyone watching the 60 Minutes interview with Donaghy (former NBA ref)?
De-pressing.
Back OT: Future Emperor Quixote you have my vote. But only if we can put David Bowie in stocks with a candy cane stuck up his ass for his rendition of Little Drummer Boy.
Wile E. Quixote
@The Other Steve
Fucking Costco had Christmas shit for sale in September.
charles johnson
I’m sure Banana Republic is terrified about all the hillbilly money they’re going to lose out on.
“Hey Paw! After we stop by tha feed store, and afore we go to the Promise Keeper meetin’, yew think we could stop by Buhnana Republic? They got some boot-cut chinos what I done had my eye on since the corn harvest.”
“Naw, junior, they done got them an ‘offensive’ ratin. Why don’t yew try Nordstroms instead.”
jwb
@asiangrrlMN: Hijack the thread if someone doesn’t give us an open thread?
DougJ, can we please have a Sunday night football thread?
The Main Gauche of Mild Reason
It should go without saying, but they don’t generally have such stores in the places these people are commenting from. Strip-mall suburbia generally has the highest concentration of the war on christmas types. Hence all the comments about Gap/Best Buy/etc.
Shell
No, they want the fucking wrapping paper to testify to them. Honestly, if your faith rests on some 3-ply colored paper you got bigger problems than a store clerk wishing you ‘Happy Holidays.’
Leelee for Obama
@Wile E. Quixote: Except for the dictator part, which would make anybody who reads your posts a little nervous, I would certainly help to enact this sort of legislation-perhaps not the death penalty, though, just community service forever and ever, amen. And give the pigs a break, can’t they just poop on her endlessly. God only knows what she’d do to their digestion.
Veritas78
There has got to be an
epicprofitable way to pwn these wingtards. Tampons stained with the image of Saint Sarah?asiangrrlMN
@jwb: You’re asking the right guy. DougJ is a
softysweetheart. I will hijack this thread. Don’t think I won’t–because I will.@The Other Steve: Thus, extending my
grumpygrumpier season every year.HRA
@DougJ:
“So you grew up in a community of secular hippies. What does that prove?”
Whoa! Where did I grow up? It’s where I finished growing up. It wasn’t Haight Asbury.
What are you trying to prove?
dmsilev
@The Other Steve:
I noticed that as well, and it scares me. Halloween was the last line of defense between The Christmas Shopping Menace and summer. Sure, there’s Labor Day, but that’s a mere speedbump by comparison.
-dms
Joshua Norton
@Omnes Omnibus: I was afraid to mention the edit function reappearing on my screen. That’s usually a sure way to make it go away.
Omnes Omnibus
@asiangrrlMN: So do it already. I dare you. You don’t have the stones to do it. Come on, let’s see it. Or are you all talk?
asiangrrlMN
@Omnes Omnibus: Well, I don’t have the stones, but I definitely will. Just you wait and see. Don’t think I won’t if an NFL open thread doesn’t go up in five minutes.
Wile E. Quixote
@Shell
I wonder if they’d like wrapping paper that had super-duper, extra bloody crucifixion scenes on it. Or how about wrapping paper that commemorated the Massacre of the Innocents. I mean the nativity is kind of candy-assed compared to some of the really awesome and bloody stuff in Christianity. And think of the Book of Revelations. Man, there are all sorts of great scenes there that would go well on Christmas wrapping paper.
Omnes Omnibus
@asiangrrlMN: Stones were metaphorical, of course.
4tehluz
@Wile E. Quixote: Some illustrations of auto-da-fe might warm their hearts a bit.
HRA
@Belafon (formerly anonevent):
“But you’re correct in one sense. Not much really has changed, and yet people weren’t screaming about this 20+ years ago. I think that has something to do with the fact that these ultra-conservatives hadn’t tasted true power and then lost it. These days, they’re trying anything they can to get it back.”
Absolutely true. Most people had accepted it then. Today we have the resurgence of those ultra conservatives in the media, politics, etc.
A relative teaches middle school. She shops every weekend for supplies.
asiangrrlMN
@Omnes Omnibus: Yup! I do have the ovaries, and SOMEBODY has two minutes to get the damn thread up.
The Republic of Stupidity
@kommrade reproductive vigor:
DING DING DING DING… we have a WINNER!
***confetti & balloons drop from the ceiling***
Seriously… do these frauds REALLY want to be martyred? Being crucified hurts like Hell. Apart from the exquisite pain of having nails driven thru your hands and feet, there’s the slow suffocation that actually kills you.
And let’s not even get started on ‘Lions, Being Fed To’ or ‘Torch, Being Used As A Human’…
Steeplejack
@DougJ:
That Obscure Object of Desire (1977).
bellatrys
No, you’re not imagining things, Doug. Corrente covered this years ago, iirc, back before the Schism there.
(This was quite a revelation and an unwelcome to me, as I had been a willing, if gulled, Tool in the War on Christmas as a kid, raised in it by the same subculture that Falafel O’Reilly hails from, and we latecomers hadn’t a clue that we were just being fed lines from the Dearborn Independent with the serial numbers filed off and replaced with “secular humanist” and “atheists” and “New York liberals” – very much a cause for chagrin, when I learned the truth.)
RedKitten
This is what I don’t understand. That sentence makes no sense whatsoever. For her to have noted that they’re ONLY playing secular songs, then she must have stuck around for quite a long time in order to hear their entire playlist, no? And yet, it’s the first thing she noticed?
I call bullshit.
She walked in, immediately noticed that the song playing was “Jingle Bells”, and jumped to the conclusion that she was in an atheist den of iniquity, although for all she knew, they might have been playing “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”, “O Holy Night” and “We Three Kings” before that.
So quick to take offense, aren’t they?
Shawn
Would these birther/wingnuts have tossed the Three Wise Men out because they were not-documented workers? Short answer: yes. Not to mention they were likely brown and swarthy… hardly likely that blonde Scandinavian Royalty was traveling in Judea in mid-June, 2 BC… I mean c’mon, they were probably pillaging villages along the Fjordes or sumpin’. Too busy to travel by camel in the middle-east.
@108 republic of stupidity
No. Just raptured, all the benefits, none of the pain. As far as they know.
jwb
@asiangrrlMN: Time for football. Go Vikes!
Omnes Omnibus
@RedKitten:
It’s their raison d’etre. Yeah, I used French. I suppose that makes me some kind of unAmerican Christmas-hater.
asiangrrlMN
@RedKitten: Excellent point, RedKitten. I almost WISH I were a cashier during this season and confronted with the wingnuttery.
LET’S GO VIKINGS!
Punchy
HAWKEYES IN THE ORANGE BOWL! Suck on that, Penn State. We gunna crush some tech nerds from Bassackwardville, USA.
Stanzi for Senator.
Omnes Omnibus
@asiangrrlMN: Go Cards!
Josh Huaco
@Punchy:
Hell yeah!
kommrade reproductive vigor
@The Republic of Stupidity: Standards have slipped. It used to take torture and/or death to make a martyr. Now all it takes is going into a store that doesn’t have Jesus wrapping paper.
(Seriously, Jesus wrapping paper? Why would a “real” Christian want to cut through, tape over and then rip open his face?)
The Main Gauche of Mild Reason
The correct response is “Saturnalia, naturally.” I would’ve loved to see the wingnut fit in response to that.
CalD
In my case it happens to be true. I really am at war on Christmas.
That goes double for People of Faith.
War!
DougJ
That Obscure Object of Desire (1977).
Are they Basque or something? I can’t remember the movie that well.
Bruce (formerly Steve S.)
Dear retailers: if you acknowledge the Christian mythos then we’ll reward you by purchasing goods in the name of the Christian mythos. Just as Jesus commanded.
There is no hope for the human race.
Notorious P.A.T.
No.
Here in Michigan, virtually all gas stations are owned by Mid-Eastern immigrants. I wonder how many of them would appreciate being whined at to wish everyone “merry Christmas”?
chrome agnomen
if jeebus came back, i’d kill the son of a bitch myself just for showing up the first time. the bastard knew what that would cause and he did it anyway.
Steeplejack
@DougJ:
I haven’t seen the movie in quite a while, but my memory is that the terrorists were a made-up group (Revolutionary Army of the Infant Jesus) that Buñuel used mostly as a counterpoint to show how self-absorbed the main characters were, i.e., sporadic terrorist attacks occur around them through the movie, but they respond only in terms of how it inconveniences them or makes them late for something.
The Republic of Stupidity
@The Main Gauche of Mild Reason:
No no no… it’s a ‘Festivus For the Rest of Us’… with the Pole… and the Feats of Strenght… and best of all, the Telling of the Disappointments!
Ann Rynd
Hollywood practically invented the American ideal of Christmas and every studio head was Jewish. Bill O grew up watching L.B. Mayer’s “Have yourself a merry little xmas” with Judy Garland and Margaret OBrien and bought into every sentimental second of it. The nuns used to show xmas movies in catholic schools and sit crying at the projectors in the 40’s and 50’s. Bill’s heart grows full every December with the fruit of Zanuck’s schtick.
Left Coast Tom
I think The War On Christmas[tm] is about nothing more than Family Research [tm] Council and other assorted political hacks raising money off the rubes.
It doesn’t matter what happens any given Christmas Shopping Season, retailers could all force shoppers to trip over mangers while entering the door, it simply wouldn’t matter. There would still be A War On Christmas Which Must Be Fought because the jackasses bleating about it are either the fools handing money over to groups like the FRC, or the knaves taking it.
b-psycho
@The Main Gauche of Mild Reason: Please actually go say that. And be sure to include the description.
Sasha
@kommrade reproductive vigor:
But for those types of Christians, good works don’t matter — it’s all about accepting Christ as one’s personal Lord and Savior.
In other words, you don’t actually have to follow Christ’s example to be a Christian.
Sasha
@comrade scott’s agenda of rage:
Oh, He understood all too well.
Sasha
@beabea:
No, that would be a bumper sticker that reads:
“Jesus is coming — open your mouth.”
I blanched the first time I saw that one.
(The other one is “Is Jesus Coming? No, he’s just breathing hard.”)
BDeevDad
Wanna blow a Christianist’s mind, show them the religion of who wrote most of their favorite carols.
Ian
@calipygian:
Example= see native American heritage sites
Smedley
@Leelee for Obama:
And even further into the dark days of the past
Jesus saves… Green Stamps.
Don’t know Green Stamps? Well just set down over here young fella and I’ll tell ya all about them…
Smedley
@Shawn:
The wing nuts would have an even greater problem with the Magi.
Most scholars believe the Magi were Zoroastrian Priests.
Zoroastrianism was the state religion of Persia, modern day Iran.
So it was a buncha Iranians that brought gifts to our little christian boy.
Smedley
@jwb:
Ooooh, too bad…
It just wasn’t in the cards…
Phoebe
@kommrade reproductive vigor: Yeah. It’s all about “Our side! Cater to us! Respect our Authoriteee!”
I’ve been thinking for a long time that this uprising of the furious morans, which gets louder and crazier every day, was just the 27 percenters screaming in sore-loser-ism because Obama won and they cannot stand the pain and have no grace. But when will it stop? Should I be worried? They are just about rabid with anger over nothing at all at this point.
Smedley
@BDeevDad:
But these “carols ” don’t mention the baby Jesus…
How un Xmas….
So it’s OK they were written by non christians.
Phoebe
@Anne Laurie: I love Seth Rogen movies, and particularly recommend Observe and Report.
minordomo
In the previous TWOC post, some Xtianist asked “what does red and green have to do with Jesus?”. Excellent point.
Let’s think about the true meaning of The War on Christmas. Christmas, the Christian holiday, is about the birth of Jesus, the Nativity, the three wise men, the shepherds. And that’s about it, give or take.
All the rest – gift-giving, Christmas trees, Santa Claus*, the elves, mistletoe, green and red – is just a bunch of pagan nonsense that has been grafted on a Christian holiday. Sure, it’s helped make it a very popular holiday and may well be one of the most potent propaganda pieces in the Church’s arsenal (compare church attendance around Christmas to the rest of the year).
True Christians should resist all these accoutrements, nay, should Declare War on them, since they do nothing but dilute and distort the true meaning of Christmas. Out with the Christmas tree and the decorations, say no to gift-giving, and encourage your neighbors and friends vociferously to do likewise!
*Yes, there is a loose connection of Santa Claus to St. Nicholas, but if you want to go down that route, then celebrate St. Nicholas at the appropriate time, on December 6th, the Feast of St. Nicholas, as some countries actually do.
satby
I’ve declared war on the people who believe there’s a war on Christmas.
twiffer
@calipygian: He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.
so, to keep your kid from “turning gay”, you should show him your cock? why does that seem counter-intuitive to me?
twiffer
do these people not understand most of the clerks around the holidays are high school and college kids looking for a few extra bucks? the staffing goes up for the holiday rush, with stores basically hiring anyone who can breathe. pulse is optional.
i’d not be surprised if one of these ratings people were beaten to death by a stressed out clerk.
Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion
@minordomo: Wrong. You have your history exactly backwards. Christmas is a bunch of Christian nonsense grafted onto a pagan holiday. The early Christians forbade the observance of holy days, and viewed the celebration of birthdays as sinful and self-indulgent. December 25th and its analogues were ancient when Christ was born.
Colossians 2:16 (King James Version)
16Let no man therefore judge you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of an holyday, or of the new moon, or of the sabbath days:
Galatians 4:10 (King James Version)
10Ye observe days, and months, and times, and years.
minordomo
VRCFoC,
I suspect you missed the intended tone of my comment, which included a good dose of sarcasm aimed at Christianists (though AFAIK the myth of the nativity did precede the folklore amounting to Father Christmas). The basic point being that yep, the two sides of Christmas have little or nothing to do with each other (with a Christian saint called Nicholas providing a tenuous link/excuse), and if Christianists want to start forcing “baby Jesus” this and that down our throats left and right, then they should at the same time disown all the elements of present-day Christmas that are not strictly speaking Christian, i.e. are not found in the bible.
I suspect that would be a poor bargain for Christianists, since the potential propaganda effect of Christmas is huge, even if at the same time Christmas has become a mostly commercial endeavor.
Interesting bible quotes as well, very informative.
No need to argue about this, IMO. Seems to me we’re on the same page.
Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion
@minordomo: No sweat, and sorry if I came off rude. FWIW, tho, the pagan stuff is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay older than the “nativity”, which is itself an echo of pagan mythological cycles. Jeremiah Chapter 10, 3-5 contains a description of tree worship as it was practiced by Israel’s neighbors that would do any Christmas display window proud. Yeah, Jesus and the boys would have stoned their sorry asses to death for idolatry for observing ANY “Christmas” tradition. But yeah, I think we’re on the same page. Much love, and happy whatever excuse you use for getting happy during the dark months of winter.
Little Dreamer
@Zam:
Forgive them Lord, they know not what they do. Also, Lord, please don’t allow any of these lawsuits to advance, just in case.
Little Dreamer
@calipygian:
Let’s not forget their need to have only their symbol in a certain venue, such as the cross at Block 11 in Auschwitz I which shall never be removed, because, when I think of Auschwitz, I immediately think of all those millions of Christians who died.
Little Dreamer
@techno:
Where in the hell did this 12 day BS come from? I thought that was the original attempt to make the ONE day celebration longer. Geez, can’t these Christians ever get anything right the first time?
Little Dreamer
@Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion:
Both of those books were written by the apostle Paul, so?
minordomo
@Little Dreamer:
So read what they say.
minordomo
@Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion:
Isn’t the Father Christmas stuff younger though? I know the tree, the green and red colors etc. go back a long way.
Little Dreamer
@minordomo:
Apparently you don’t know much about Paul.
Little Dreamer
@minordomo:
goes back long before Jesus, it’s in the Old Testament. The ornamenting of trees was a practice done back in pagan times.
The Populist
It is sinister.
Newsflash: If you hear somebody say “Happy Holidays” get off the high horse and don’t be angry. Better yet, reply in kind with MERRY CHRISTMAS if it makes you feel better.
Right wing…this country is not solely yours. It is the melting pot that Republicans used to LOVE reminding us we were until they realized they couldn’t convert people to their way of thinking.
Deal with it. Another 20 years or so YOU WILL BE THE MINORITY. Deal with, adapt and be kind to others and tolerate their viewpoints. Nobody says you have to agree, sheesh.
minordomo
@Little Dreamer:
Not sure if we’re having a disagreement here, and I’ll be happy to learn more – but I haven’t yet seen anything that is in conflict with my understanding that Father Christmas doesn’t predate the 1st century AD (and hey, I may well be wrong on that…).
Though your link relating to Paul didn’t work, so I don’t know what info I would find there.