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You are here: Home / TWOC, continued

TWOC, continued

by DougJ|  December 6, 20095:54 pm| 159 Comments

This post is in: Assholes, Good News For Conservatives

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Mister C asks of the Jesus retail store ratings:

Where is Neiman Marcus? too Jew from the get-go?

Am I reading too much into The War On Christmas when I think that forcing retailers to talk about the Baby Jesus is especially troubling in light of the fact that so many retail stores were founded by Jewish Americans? Anyway, a lot of the big department stores (Saks, Bergdorf, Neiman, for example) have huge Christmas displays — isn’t that enough already?

Is there something a bit more sinister than meets the eye with all this forced Jesusism? Or have I just had too much to drink?

I guess that when I think of forcing people to say “the baby Jesus thanks you for this purchase”, it just sounds like something out of Medieval Europe to me.

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159Comments

  1. 1.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    December 6, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    I guess that when I think of forcing people to say “the baby Jesus thanks for this purchase”, it just sounds like something out of Medieval Europe to me.

    If these people secede and create their theocratic 21st Century Confederate States of ‘Murka outta the Old South, you can be guarandamnteed that little statement will be required in all stores.

  2. 2.

    russell

    December 6, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    Here’s my thought of the day for the war on Christmas folks:

    Jesus doesn’t give a single, solitary crap where you shop.

    Not one.

  3. 3.

    Zam

    December 6, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    Yea, I have a serious problem with these nutjobs thinking retail workers must recognize the “miracle” of Jesus. Otherwise no one would ever shop and no one would have a job. I don’t think they realize that forcing non Christians to recognize their shit while at work could lead to some serious lawsuits.

    Edit: ooo I have edit again

  4. 4.

    Quaker in a Basement

    December 6, 2009 at 6:05 pm

    Is there something a bit more sinister than meets the eye with all this forced Jesusism? Or have I just had too much to drink?

    Yes.

    And maybe.

  5. 5.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    December 6, 2009 at 6:05 pm

    I They don’t think they realize that forcing non Christians to recognize their shit while at work could lead to some serious lawsuits.

    Fixited

  6. 6.

    Corner Stone

    December 6, 2009 at 6:05 pm

    I just could not give one shit less about this topic.

  7. 7.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    December 6, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    Am I reading too much into The War On Christmas when I think that forcing retailers to talk about the Baby Jesus is especially troubling in light of the fact that so many retail stores were founded by Jewish Americans?

    They don’t care. They don’t care about the religion of the founders. They don’t care about the religion of the cashiers. They don’t care that businesses have determined it’s better to make more people feel welcome because it encourages them to hand over their cash.

    This isn’t about Christmas. If those fucks gave a shit about Jesus they’d be too busy doing good works to give a damn. This is about feeling persecuted and whining.

  8. 8.

    Michael G

    December 6, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    Nobody expects the Christmas inquisition!

  9. 9.

    Egypt Steve

    December 6, 2009 at 6:07 pm

    I’m sure you have had too much to drink, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong.

  10. 10.

    eric

    December 6, 2009 at 6:07 pm

    The irony is that these otherwise free-marketeers cant stand the fact that if a store went all “praise jesus, here is your receipt,” that company would get crushed in the marketplace. The disposable income of teh gheys and teh jewz is not the kind of money that retailers want to pi$$ off in a grand display of religiousity.

    eric

  11. 11.

    Calvin Jones and the 13th Apostle

    December 6, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    I never understood why supposedly god-fearing Christians gave two shits about consumerism. I doubt Jesus would approve of their crusade. Because that is exactly what it is.

  12. 12.

    beabea

    December 6, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    This country elected* GWB twice, there’s growing climate change denialism and belief in creationism, hundreds wait in line to shell out their scarce cash for a ghost-written “book” hastily produced for the sole purpose of lining the pockets of a two-penny grifter who ran for Vice President…and now we rate stores as Christmas-friendly, Christmas-negligent, or Christmas-offensive.

    Our transformation into the world’s laughingstock is complete.

    *(add the usual disclaimers and qualifiers).

    Edit: Oh, cool! Editing capability. I don’t comment much, so maybe this is not new. But anyway, thanks John.

  13. 13.

    calipygian

    December 6, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    This isn’t about Christmas. If those fucks gave a shit about Jesus they’d be too busy doing good works to give a damn. This is about feeling persecuted and whining.

    It’s also about the will of the Christian majority crushing the minority. It’s about the attempted alienation of anyone who is not white and Christian, preferably evangelical Protestant. It is the early stages of the attempted Talibanization of the United States. Rest assured, if the United States had the equivalent of the giant Buddha statues of Bamiyan, some Christian nut would have parked a Ryder truck full of diesel and fertilizer next to it by now.

  14. 14.

    Midnight Marauder

    December 6, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    @Corner Stone:

    I just could not give one shit less about this topic.

    I can haz Sunday Night Football Open Thread?

    Edit: I cannot get enough of these Cold Case commercials. “I BET EVERYTHING ON DEBATE!” Kills me every time.

    +8

  15. 15.

    Montysano (All Hail Marx & Lennon)

    December 6, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    Full of sound and fury, etc.

    If these 15% knuckledraggers didn’t make for entertaining teevee, we’d never hear about them. Fuck ’em. It’s just a bunch of noise from a group who will never win at a national level again.

    Which begs the question: when will younger Republicans like Cantor, Pawlenty, etc. decide that they’re not going to go down with the ship? And once one or two bolt, will there be a mad rush for the exits?

  16. 16.

    Silver Owl

    December 6, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    If a 5 year old said, “You call me and all kids my age super duper dukey head or I’ll tell my mom on you!” do adults every where start calling all 5 year olds super duper dukey heads?

    It is the same mentality.

    Now if these insecure christians need adult reassurance about the choices they made then maybe they should wear a badge that says, “I am insecure about my personal choice in faith and require validation and reassurance from you. Please help me.”

  17. 17.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    December 6, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    I doubt Jesus would approve of their crusade.

    I doubt Jesus would have understood 21st century capitalism. Oh wait, he’s devine, all-knowing, all-seeing. Or he was just another radical Jew in a period that was rife with apocalypic “prophets” and this one happened to spend 40 day with no food and water so that the resultant haluecinations convinced him he was the son of the Old Testament god.

    It woulds been much easier if he’d simply play Black Sabbath records backwards at 78rpm.

  18. 18.

    calipygian

    December 6, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    @Montysano (All Hail Marx & Lennon):

    Which begs the question: when will younger Republicans like Cantor, Pawlenty, etc. decide that they’re not going to go down with the ship? And once one or two bolt, will there be a mad rush for the exits?

    I honestly don’t think Cantor or Pawlenty are that bright.

    Huntsman, on the other hand, didn’t just bolt for the door, he ran all the way to motherfucking China to get away from the crazy.

    And he was governor of a state that WELCOMES the crazy.

  19. 19.

    Max

    December 6, 2009 at 6:15 pm

    A Tale of Two Sites:

    One Obama Meeting on the Hill

    TPM Headline is “Fired Up? Obama Rallies Dems To Wrap Up Health Care Bill”

    HuffPo Headline is ‘SILENT TREATMENT Obama Doesn’t Mention Public Option In Health Care Speech To Senators ‘

    Arianna and crew is a joke. Their attempts to be Drudge are obvious.

  20. 20.

    calipygian

    December 6, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    @Silver Owl:

    Now if these insecure christians need adult reassurance about the choices they made then maybe they should wear a badge that says, “I am insecure about my personal choice in faith and require validation and reassurance from you. Please help me.”

    It amuses me to no end that the Christian god is so weak, that He constantly needs reassurance at the cash register or help from Congress to keep His self-esteem up.

  21. 21.

    beabea

    December 6, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    @Calvin Jones and the 13th Apostle

    This brings to mind a bumper sticker I once saw:

    “Jesus is coming, and boy is he pissed!”

    Wish I could find it to slap on my car, and drive around and piss off a few folks here in Central Wingnuttia.

    While making my rounds of the Gap, Banana Republic and Best Buy. I want to see what an 80+% Christmas-Offensive rating is all about.

  22. 22.

    Midnight Marauder

    December 6, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    @calipygian:

    I honestly don’t think Cantor or Pawlenty are that bright.
    __
    Huntsman, on the other hand, didn’t just bolt for the door, he ran all the way to motherfucking China to get away from the crazy.
    __
    And he was governor of a state that WELCOMES the crazy.

    This can’t be said enough. Hunstsman really is the Smartest Guy In The Room on the Republican side of things. When 2016 rolls around and he steps off the plane fresh from Beijing, he’s going to seem like a foreign creature to the folks in The Village.

  23. 23.

    Nellcote

    December 6, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    OT. Tom Friedman compared the AfPac plan to “an unemployed couple adopting a special need baby”.

    LaPalin won’t be pleased.

  24. 24.

    calipygian

    December 6, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    Forget it Doug, it’s Focus on the Family.

    Think of the annual “Stand for Christmas” to be a kind of douchebaggy NPR fund drive week for people who shower with their kids.

    Quoting James Dobson on preventing teh ghey:

    Meanwhile, the boy’s father has to do his part. He needs to mirror and affirm his son’s maleness. He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl. He can help his son learn to throw and catch a ball. He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard. He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.

  25. 25.

    corwin

    December 6, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    For all the moaning about how much we don’t acknowledge Jesus’ birthday, it should be pointed out that his actual date of birth is not known. It almost certainly was not December 25 as is claimed. That was largely to coincide with other pagan rituals around the same time, and as such was a political decision. Then we have a problem with the calendar that was changed from the Julian to the Gregorian system several hundred years ago. What does it really mean to say December 25, when discussing an event over 2000 years in the past? Then add in all the other Christmas traditions, Christmas trees, reindeer, Santa Claus, and you find that Christmas today is a glorified mish mash of traditions going back hundreds or thousands of years BCE on up to modern times. The real symbols of Christmas these days are a 1920’s Coka Cola ad, and a WalMart gift card.

  26. 26.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    December 6, 2009 at 6:25 pm

    it just sounds like something out of Medieval Europe to me.

    This was the high point for Christians. Peasants learning to read and not being forced to have a certain set of beliefs ruined everything. And that whole middle class thing after the plague, that just completely fucked things up.

  27. 27.

    John Cole

    December 6, 2009 at 6:25 pm

    I honestly don’t think they put that much thought into it, DougJ. Someone on Fox or talk radio tells them while they are eating their mayonnaise sandwich that their “values are under attack,” a bunch of their idiot friends send them chain emails talking about the war on christmas, the Republicans stoke it, their baptist minister and Bill Donohoe reinforce it, and voila, there is a War on Christmas out there.

  28. 28.

    Nikki

    December 6, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    Where is Neiman Marcus? too Jew from the get-go?

    No. Just too upscale for the drooling morons who buy into this “War on Christmas” shit.

  29. 29.

    Zam

    December 6, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    @Montysano (All Hail Marx & Lennon):People like Pawlenty came to the party because of this shit. Pretty much all younger repubs I know went that way because the party basically offered a place for them to high five each other over how many times they think they put some non-believer in their place.

  30. 30.

    DougJ

    December 6, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    I honestly don’t think they put that much thought into it, DougJ.

    I don’t think they think they’re doing this. But they are doing it, nevertheless.

  31. 31.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    December 6, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    I honestly don’t think they put that much thought into it, DougJ. Someone on Fox or talk radio tells them while they are eating their mayonnaise sandwich that their “values are under attack,” a bunch of their idiot friends send them chain emails talking about the war on christmas, the Republicans stoke it, their baptist minister and Bill Donohoe reinforce it, and voila, there is a War on Christmas out there.

    In other words, The Right Wing Noise Machine or as Secretary Clinton once called it The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.

  32. 32.

    HRA

    December 6, 2009 at 6:33 pm

    “I guess that when I think of forcing people to say “the baby Jesus thanks for this purchase”, it just sounds like something out of Medieval Europe to me.”

    Not exactly. There was a time when all school projects referring to Christmas were banned. If anyone remembers making chains out of colored paper, it was banned.
    Where I grew up the merchants were predominately Jewish. Every business was decorated for Christmas and some of them would wish their customers Merry Christmas, too. They would receive Happy Hannukah in return. I worked in some of these places as a teen.
    BTW, no one expected Baby Jesus to be anywhere except church on the eve and the day.

    It was not medieval Europe at all.

  33. 33.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    December 6, 2009 at 6:36 pm

    I guess that when I think of forcing people to say “the baby Jesus thanks for this purchase”, it just sounds like something out of Medieval Europe to me.

    I just had another thought: is this the Taliganelists getting all medieval on our non-Christian asses?

    On second thought, probably not. Those asshats couldn’t find medieval Europe on a map.

  34. 34.

    DougJ

    December 6, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    BTW, no one expected Baby Jesus to be anywhere except church on the eve and the day.

    So you grew up in a community of secular hippies. What does that prove?

  35. 35.

    Leelee for Obama

    December 6, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    The real symbols of Christmas these days are a 1920’s Coca Cola ad

    This is brilliantly on target. I would add the Polar Bears and “I’d like to teach to world to Sing.”

    Who coulda knowed that a soft drink that originally delivered cocaine could now be the symbol of all things perfect and Christian.

  36. 36.

    beabea

    December 6, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    @John Cole

    I think that’s right. (Oops, there’s that word “think” again). Because we think, we tend to assume that others do as well. But if you really think about it, there is so much evidence out there against that assumption.

  37. 37.

    russell

    December 6, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    Any Bunuel fans out there? It’s almost time for the Revolutionary Army of the Infant Jesus to make its appearance.

  38. 38.

    DougJ

    December 6, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    It’s almost time for the Revolutionary Army of the Infant Jesus to make its appearance.

    What movie is that from?

  39. 39.

    b-psycho

    December 6, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    I can’t help but wonder what the reaction of these people would be if some store manager, after getting sick of them, put up a full scale nativity scene right by the door with a dark-skinned Yeshua…

    BTW: edit works here.

  40. 40.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    December 6, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    So you grew up in a community of secular hippies.

    Were there any other kind?

  41. 41.

    Midnight Marauder

    December 6, 2009 at 6:41 pm

    @DougJ:

    I don’t think they think they’re doing this. But they are doing it, nevertheless.

    That sounds like the makings of an amazing new tag right there. But a very rarely deployed tag. I mean, rare like crystal skulls rare.

    Just something to think about…

  42. 42.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    December 6, 2009 at 6:44 pm

    @HRA: In Texas, at least, I think the paper chains disappeared because testing is taking up the remaining time, and budgets have been cut so low that all that construction paper being wasted cannot be tolerated. Parents have to buy teacher supplies at the beginning of the year, not just the school supplies.

    But you’re correct in one sense. Not much really has changed, and yet people weren’t screaming about this 20+ years ago. I think that has something to do with the fact that these ultra-conservatives hadn’t tasted true power and then lost it. These days, they’re trying anything they can to get it back.

  43. 43.

    Mark S.

    December 6, 2009 at 6:44 pm

    Anyway, a lot of the big department stores (Saks, Bergdorf, Neiman, for example) have huge Christmas displays—isn’t that enough already?

    Apparently not. The comment from earlier today that blew me away:

    First thing I notice is that they are only playing non-Christian Christmas songs (Jingle Bells, etc.). Unacceptable. I ask a clerk, “What is the reason for the season?” and I get back “What?”. I buy a shirt and when they ask me what kind of wrapping paper, I reply that I want nativity paper or something showing the baby Jesus. They say they only have snowflakes and snowmen and green/red paper.

    I mean, that’s unbelievable. He or she wants the clerk to fucking testify to them. What the hell planet are these people from? Do they have any friends or family members who might hint to them that they are acting like a jerk?

  44. 44.

    Anne Laurie

    December 6, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    @Zam:

    People like Pawlenty came to the party because of this shit. Pretty much all younger repubs I know went that way because the party basically offered a place for them to high five each other over how many times they think they put some non-believer in their place.

    So, the Young Republicans are the political branch of the sorry-arse loosers buying tickets to Seth Rogan movies and all the other “bromance” crap?

    While the Permanent Party Repubs are happy to join their openly mercantalist fellows in taking money from a bunch of permanent adolescents whose only emotional settings are ‘opposition’ and ‘victimization’?

    Sounds about right!

  45. 45.

    ploeg

    December 6, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    @comrade scott’s agenda of rage:

    There were the Jesus freaks.

  46. 46.

    Tim F

    December 6, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    Let’s not beat-around-the-bush here. The “standforchristmas” people are the same dangerous idiots that will hide behind their god and “good christian values’ when they’re blowing up a federal building in OK City.

  47. 47.

    Wile E. Quixote

    December 6, 2009 at 6:51 pm

    @comrade scott’s agenda of rage

    I just had another thought: is this the Taliganelists getting all medieval on our non-Christian asses?
    On second thought, probably not. Those asshats couldn’t find medieval Europe on a map.

    What do you mean? Sarah Palin can see medieval Europe from her house.

  48. 48.

    gogol's wife

    December 6, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    @comrade scott’s agenda of rage: Yes, there were Jesus freaks. People don’t seem to remember them.

  49. 49.

    mai naem

    December 6, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    A woman I know told me that Walgreens is open on Christmas because its owned by Jooos. You can’t tell these idiots that,uhm, maybe they’re open because they sell medical related stuff that is usually needed immediately. Also too, Walgreens only keeps the 24 hr ones open on Christmas but that would destroy her theory.

  50. 50.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    December 6, 2009 at 6:55 pm

    @gogol’s wife:

    They just never make it into any of the rock documentaries from the period which is how I view everything from the late 60s and early 70s. I usta get a contemporary telling of such tales from my older cousin back then but I think now she was wasted all of the time.

  51. 51.

    JK

    December 6, 2009 at 6:55 pm

    Doug,

    The “War on Christmas” is the one of the biggest non-stories of recent years.

    More posts with titles referring to rock songs please.

  52. 52.

    gnomedad

    December 6, 2009 at 6:56 pm

    @mai naem:
    The police and fire departments are run by Jews, also.

  53. 53.

    Zam

    December 6, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    @mai naem: There are non-24hr ones? They must exist only in that real America I hear so much about, since Jesus makes sure those people never get sick at inconvenient times.

  54. 54.

    gogol's wife

    December 6, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    @comrade scott’s agenda of rage: I wish I’d been wasted when I went to one of their gatherings in 1970 or so.

  55. 55.

    Tony P.

    December 6, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    My favorite bumper sticker: JESUS HELPS ME FOOL PEOPLE

    The thing all god-botherers worry about deep down is that atheists have got it right: gods are a figment of the human imagination. Believers know that when people stop believing in gods, the Earth will still turn on its axis, oxygen atoms will still have 8 protons, cows will still give milk, and there will still be 3 feet in a yard. They worry, IOW, that nothing will change when the last human being stops harboring the last god inside his own head. So it is absolutely essential for them to drum god into people’s heads — god’s very survival is at stake, you see.

    –TP

  56. 56.

    scav

    December 6, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    @calipygian: It’s not just the Xian god that’s insecure and created sycophants so that they might reassure him, he created them in his own image. Those latter are not even secure in their marriages or sexuality if they see someone one enjoying an alternative. After/if they triumph against the dreaded gheys, I’ve no doubt they’ll go ban marrying brunettes because that’s threatening to their standard of blonds.

  57. 57.

    techno

    December 6, 2009 at 7:04 pm

    There is probably no one on planet earth that hates Christmas like I do. And for good reason. I grew up in a parsonage and Christmas was crazy-time. Literally–my mother would be so stressed out planning all the feasts, and caroling, a pageants that she was borderline psychotic. And of course, everything had to be done for the approval of crabby church ladies.

    As far as I am concerned, the holiday could disappear and it would much please me.

    But these folks who complain about TWOC HAVE a point. For the devout, the music is MUCH to secular. For the humble, it is MUCH too commercial. And it is commercial interests that take a twelve-day celebration religious celebration into a three month, you-aren’t-spending-enough, guilt trip. I think the folks who object to the commercialization of their religious holiday should boycott ANY establishment that takes out their Christmas decorations before the solstice.

  58. 58.

    beabea

    December 6, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    @Mark S.

    I want nativity paper or something showing the baby Jesus. They say they only have snowflakes and snowmen and green/red paper.

    Yet more evidence that these dingalings really don’t think things through at all.

    If you’re using nativity paper, it means baby Jesus will be torn apart, crumpled up, and thrown in the trash.

    Hello!

  59. 59.

    Quaker in a Basement

    December 6, 2009 at 7:07 pm

    A woman I know told me that Walgreens is open on Christmas because its owned by Jooos.

    And a damn good thing it is, too. Else, where would good Christians go for antiseptic and bandages after drunken Uncle Chuck slashes his thumb clean down to the bone because he was trying to carve the Christmas ham at the same time he was railing against the secular humanists who are secretly trying to destroy the country?

    Thanks, Jooos.

  60. 60.

    Montysano

    December 6, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    @Zam:

    People like Pawlenty came to the party because of this shit. Pretty much all younger repubs I know went that way because the party basically offered a place for them to high five each other over how many times they think they put some non-believer in their place.

    Maybe. But if it becomes apparent that this will no longer win elections, what then? Continue to ride the TWOC/birther crazy train to oblivion? Plus, if Obama catches a break or two: the economy is better, HCR is a win, Afghanistan improves, etc, then Teh Crazy will be even further out of the running. Yeah, maybe Cantor ain’t that bright, but some of them will be, and it’ll be interesting to see who jumps ship first.

    Because someone will.

  61. 61.

    Joshua Norton

    December 6, 2009 at 7:09 pm

    Jesus Saves …. when he shops at Macy’s!

  62. 62.

    scav

    December 6, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    @beabea: Kinda like the patriots that buy US flag doormats. Doesn’t the image of wiping their feet on the old glory spark any neuronal flickerings?

  63. 63.

    dmsilev

    December 6, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    @mai naem:

    A woman I know told me that Walgreens is open on Christmas because its owned by Jooos.

    Nonsense. As any Jew can tell you, we are all legally obligated to spend Christmas in a Chinese restaurant.

    -dms

  64. 64.

    beabea

    December 6, 2009 at 7:20 pm

    @scav

    US flag doormats? Yikes! I’m a European immigrant screeching liberal, and even I know that’s totally wrong.

    I’m seeing a US flag doormat at the home of Mr. Nativity Paper. He wipes his feet on it after coming home from the Christmas-friendly stores with his nativity-paper-wrapped junk, then make himself a nice mayonnaise sandwich and sits down to watch Fox Noize to replenish his TWOC fauxtrage for his next shopping foray.

    Edit: Moderation? What did I do? I deleted the forbidden soc ial ist word from my self-description!

  65. 65.

    Jamie

    December 6, 2009 at 7:20 pm

    He or she wants the clerk to fucking testify to them. What the hell planet are these people from? Do they have any friends or family members who might hint to them that they are acting like a jerk?

    Well, the fact that they’re going to the Gap to get their religion buzz should tell you something here.

  66. 66.

    Wolfdaughter

    December 6, 2009 at 7:21 pm

    If a store clerk told me that the baby Jesus appreciated my purchase, I would probably give that person the gimlet eye and reply that Jesus’s reported actions re the temple money-changers are hardly consistent with the idea of the baby Jesus appreciating anyone’s Christmas purchases.

    I don’t personally give a damn on whether a clerk wishes me Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or whatever. And the idea that Christmas is under any sort of threat…mind-boggling. I feel sorry for these people; I truly do.

  67. 67.

    mcd410x

    December 6, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal … and can buy their presents wrapped in the Baby Jesus.

    (Do they even make Baby Jesus wrapping paper?)

  68. 68.

    Martin

    December 6, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    @Calvin Jones and the 13th Apostle:

    They care about consumerism because how else do you know who God cares about? If I’m blessed with the income to buy a 62″ plasma, that says something to my neighbors – Jesus loves me more than them.

  69. 69.

    Leelee for Obama

    December 6, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    @dmsilev: And then go see a movie!@

    Joshua Norton: This reminds me of the bumper sticker from the late 60s: “Jesus saves…but Esposito scores on the rebound!”

  70. 70.

    Martin

    December 6, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    gods are a figment of the human imagination.

    Religious folks believe the same thing – they just think someone else’s gods are a figment of the human imagination.

    Everyone is an atheist, it’s just that some of us are better at it than others.

  71. 71.

    MikeJ

    December 6, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    @Leelee for Obama: Jesus saves souls and redeems them for valuable prizes.

  72. 72.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    December 6, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    @b-psycho: The Evans would scream that it is too Catholic-y. Bill Donohue would claim the brown baby Jesus had been dipped in feces.

  73. 73.

    Leelee for Obama

    December 6, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    @MikeJ: Like trading stamps, or cigarette coupons? Wow, that’s a sweet deal.

  74. 74.

    Mike G

    December 6, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    In the name of the Xtian Purity Police, I declare all of the Jesus-store-raters to be Christmas blasphemers for giving any gift other than gold, frankincense or myrrh. Decorated trees are a co-opting of a pagan celebration, as is the date of December 25.

    Astronomers indicate from the constellations mentioned in the nativity story that Jesus was born on June 17, 2 B.C.

    You must also dig your old calendars out of the trash and and denounce anyone who does not concur that it is currently the middle of June, 2006, to correct for this inaccuracy.

    So unless you celebrate Christmas on June 17 by giving each other only the gifts prescribed by the Three Wise Men, you’re a Murka-hating satanist terrist-lover who hates Christians.

  75. 75.

    SpotWeld

    December 6, 2009 at 7:28 pm

    Stores need to start installing an emergency baby Jesus employment system.

    If a customer begins to rang that they haven’t been wishes a proper “Merry CHRISTmas” a large red button is pushed, a trapdoor in the ceiling opens and the customer is slowly buried in a ever growing pile of plastic baby Jeususes (the kind for sale for 1.99 and every Church gift shop and made in China).

    It’ll be like a hyper-Christian version of the ending of “Trouble With Tribbles”

  76. 76.

    Joshua Norton

    December 6, 2009 at 7:32 pm

    I’d take them more seriously if most Protestant churches were not closed on the actual religious holiday.

    They don’t give a damned about “christmas”. It’s just another authoritarian wacko, wingnut power trip to try to get others to knuckle under to their arbitrary demands.

  77. 77.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 6, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    @Corner Stone: Ditto this. Twice. Thrice. Bored now. Vikings thread? kthxbai.

  78. 78.

    WereBear

    December 6, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    They’re Visible Christians.

    They have cross pendants and pocket Bibles. They leave Chick tracts in waiting rooms. They say public grace in restaurants, and when they are done, they leave a tract instead of a tip.

    They often have a huge Bible on a stand in their living room and their gardens feature plywood cutouts of chubby ladies bending over to show the edge of bloomers under their dresses. They are only allowed pleasure when it comes with a church-mandated stamp of approval, which restricts the possible choices to Christian rock music, TV shows with angels, and deep fried foods covered in gravy.

    They are in a constant competition to out-Jeebus each other; from the elaborateness of their tri-layer Jello molded salads for the church potlucks to the verse-quoting abilities of their offspring, and, now, who can have the strictest standards of retail harassment.

    They can’t be happy unless it has some kind of holy stamp; they can’t be sad because it’s all God’s will, whatever they are suffering.

    They’re batshit insane; and who wouldn’t be? Living under the threat of constant eternal suffering in hell for being human; a curse they are told they carry from the moment of birth.

    Not all Christians are like that. Just the ones who delight in tormenting others. But there’s a reason for it, the same reason they really, truly, can’t wait for the Rapture.

    It gets them out of the living hell they are in.

  79. 79.

    charles johnson

    December 6, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    “I guess that when I think of forcing people to say “the baby Jesus thanks for this purchase”, it just sounds like something out of Medieval Europe to me.”

    It sounds like something out of Shit Grammar to me.

  80. 80.

    MikeJ

    December 6, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    So unless you celebrate Christmas on June 17 by giving each other only the gifts prescribed by the Three Wise Men, you’re a Murka-hating satanist terrist-lover who hates Christians.

    I don’t think you’re limited to giving only what the magi gave. Anything is acceptable, even just a song on a drum.

    You don’t get any of those gifts though. You have to wander afar and give them to little jewish babies who have “Father: unknown” checked on their certificates of live birth.

  81. 81.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    December 6, 2009 at 7:36 pm

    @SpotWeld: Sounds like a TalEvangical wet dream to me.

  82. 82.

    wag

    December 6, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    When you look at the number of ratings of each of the stores, i seems to me that this could be an astroturf marketing attempt by WalMart to steer gullible right wingers towards their stores. The ratings are all based on 150 comments. It would be easy to reverse-astroturf this if you were Gap and cared about the ratings. On the other hand, if you don’t give a rat’s buttocks about the 20% who worship Palin-o-Beck (who may not have as much to spend this time of year, given their demographics), the who cares what they think. Market to the broad middle of the country, and be Merry!

  83. 83.

    jwb

    December 6, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    @asiangrrlMN: Don’t mind the thread, but could really use a new one for Sunday night football.

  84. 84.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 6, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    @jwb: Damn right. Just because the Stillers lost…not our fault, Cole.

  85. 85.

    Kyle

    December 6, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    You have to wander afar and give them to little jewish babies who have “Father: unknown” checked on their certificates of live birth.

    But you must demand to see the long form. How do you know they weren’t really born in Kenya?

  86. 86.

    Anoniminous

    December 6, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    “Whenever sad, pathetic, people gather together,
    When those with an inability to function beyond a grade school recess level speak,
    As those whose cognitive ability equals the intellectual heights of whale shit command media attention,

    Yes, Virginia, there is a War on Christmas.”

  87. 87.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 6, 2009 at 7:48 pm

    @Mike G: My mother once received a box (decorated with gold) filled with frankincense and myrrh as an X-mas gift. Rather apropos, I thought.

    On Edit: There is a Santa Claus; I have an edit function.

  88. 88.

    Wile E. Quixote

    December 6, 2009 at 7:48 pm

    When I become dictator and am given absolute power (and unlike the rest of the guys who ask for this sort of power I know that I could be trusted with it) I’m going to hand down the following edicts about Christmas, right after the show trials and executions and extensive droit de seigneur.

    1) Christmas in July, September or any month of the year other than December is hereby banned. Anyone violating this ban will be punished by death.
    2) Christmas decorations and advertising for Christmas are prohibited until the day after Thanksgiving. Anyone violating this ban will be punished by death, with refinements.
    3) The song Christmas in the Northwest. The most horribly treacly Christmas song ever written, is banned. Anyone playing this song will be harvested for their organs with the proceeds going to Toys for Tots. Brenda White, who originated the song, will be fed to hungry pigs.
    4) Journalists who write stories about “Black Friday”, “Cyber Monday” or any other made up bullshit consumerist event will be rounded up and forced to star in a very special Christmas special where they will be fed to lions. Afterwards the Charlie Brown Christmas Special will be shown.
    5) “Fuck you”, “Get Bent”, “Suck it” and “Blow me” will be recognized as legitimate responses to any greetings of “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas”.
    6) Holy shit! Editing works in Safari!
    7) Lincoln’s birthday and Washington’s birthday need to be recognized as separate holidays. President’s day will be moved to August and will be celebrated on the first Friday following the first Monday in the month of August and the following Monday. This will give Americans a four day weekend in the summer because FSM knows we need one.

  89. 89.

    The Other Steve

    December 6, 2009 at 7:48 pm

    It’s time we just admitted that we are Losing the War on Christmas.

    Every year the Christmas sales get earlier. This year they started putting up decorations before Halloween!

  90. 90.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    December 6, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    Sorry to go OT, but is anyone watching the 60 Minutes interview with Donaghy (former NBA ref)?

    De-pressing.

    Back OT: Future Emperor Quixote you have my vote. But only if we can put David Bowie in stocks with a candy cane stuck up his ass for his rendition of Little Drummer Boy.

  91. 91.

    Wile E. Quixote

    December 6, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    @The Other Steve

    It’s time we just admitted that we are Losing the War on Christmas.
    Every year the Christmas sales get earlier. This year they started putting up decorations before Halloween!

    Fucking Costco had Christmas shit for sale in September.

  92. 92.

    charles johnson

    December 6, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    I’m sure Banana Republic is terrified about all the hillbilly money they’re going to lose out on.

    “Hey Paw! After we stop by tha feed store, and afore we go to the Promise Keeper meetin’, yew think we could stop by Buhnana Republic? They got some boot-cut chinos what I done had my eye on since the corn harvest.”
    “Naw, junior, they done got them an ‘offensive’ ratin. Why don’t yew try Nordstroms instead.”

  93. 93.

    jwb

    December 6, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    @asiangrrlMN: Hijack the thread if someone doesn’t give us an open thread?

    DougJ, can we please have a Sunday night football thread?

  94. 94.

    The Main Gauche of Mild Reason

    December 6, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    Where is Neiman Marcus? too Jew from the get-go?

    Anyway, a lot of the big department stores (Saks, Bergdorf, Neiman, for example) have huge Christmas displays—isn’t that enough already?

    It should go without saying, but they don’t generally have such stores in the places these people are commenting from. Strip-mall suburbia generally has the highest concentration of the war on christmas types. Hence all the comments about Gap/Best Buy/etc.

  95. 95.

    Shell

    December 6, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    He or she wants the clerk to fucking testify to them.

    No, they want the fucking wrapping paper to testify to them. Honestly, if your faith rests on some 3-ply colored paper you got bigger problems than a store clerk wishing you ‘Happy Holidays.’

  96. 96.

    Leelee for Obama

    December 6, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    @Wile E. Quixote: Except for the dictator part, which would make anybody who reads your posts a little nervous, I would certainly help to enact this sort of legislation-perhaps not the death penalty, though, just community service forever and ever, amen. And give the pigs a break, can’t they just poop on her endlessly. God only knows what she’d do to their digestion.

  97. 97.

    Veritas78

    December 6, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    There has got to be an epic profitable way to pwn these wingtards. Tampons stained with the image of Saint Sarah?

  98. 98.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 6, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    @jwb: You’re asking the right guy. DougJ is a softy sweetheart. I will hijack this thread. Don’t think I won’t–because I will.

    @The Other Steve: Thus, extending my grumpy grumpier season every year.

  99. 99.

    HRA

    December 6, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    @DougJ:

    “So you grew up in a community of secular hippies. What does that prove?”

    Whoa! Where did I grow up? It’s where I finished growing up. It wasn’t Haight Asbury.

    What are you trying to prove?

  100. 100.

    dmsilev

    December 6, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    @The Other Steve:

    It’s time we just admitted that we are Losing the War on Christmas. Every year the Christmas sales get earlier. This year they started putting up decorations before Halloween!

    I noticed that as well, and it scares me. Halloween was the last line of defense between The Christmas Shopping Menace and summer. Sure, there’s Labor Day, but that’s a mere speedbump by comparison.

    -dms

  101. 101.

    Joshua Norton

    December 6, 2009 at 8:01 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: I was afraid to mention the edit function reappearing on my screen. That’s usually a sure way to make it go away.

  102. 102.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 6, 2009 at 8:02 pm

    @asiangrrlMN: So do it already. I dare you. You don’t have the stones to do it. Come on, let’s see it. Or are you all talk?

  103. 103.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 6, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: Well, I don’t have the stones, but I definitely will. Just you wait and see. Don’t think I won’t if an NFL open thread doesn’t go up in five minutes.

  104. 104.

    Wile E. Quixote

    December 6, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    @Shell

    No, they want the fucking wrapping paper to testify to them. Honestly, if your faith rests on some 3-ply colored paper you got bigger problems than a store clerk wishing you ‘Happy Holidays.’

    I wonder if they’d like wrapping paper that had super-duper, extra bloody crucifixion scenes on it. Or how about wrapping paper that commemorated the Massacre of the Innocents. I mean the nativity is kind of candy-assed compared to some of the really awesome and bloody stuff in Christianity. And think of the Book of Revelations. Man, there are all sorts of great scenes there that would go well on Christmas wrapping paper.

  105. 105.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 6, 2009 at 8:08 pm

    @asiangrrlMN: Stones were metaphorical, of course.

  106. 106.

    4tehluz

    December 6, 2009 at 8:08 pm

    @Wile E. Quixote: Some illustrations of auto-da-fe might warm their hearts a bit.

  107. 107.

    HRA

    December 6, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    @Belafon (formerly anonevent):

    “But you’re correct in one sense. Not much really has changed, and yet people weren’t screaming about this 20+ years ago. I think that has something to do with the fact that these ultra-conservatives hadn’t tasted true power and then lost it. These days, they’re trying anything they can to get it back.”

    Absolutely true. Most people had accepted it then. Today we have the resurgence of those ultra conservatives in the media, politics, etc.

    A relative teaches middle school. She shops every weekend for supplies.

  108. 108.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 6, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: Yup! I do have the ovaries, and SOMEBODY has two minutes to get the damn thread up.

  109. 109.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    December 6, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    @kommrade reproductive vigor:

    This is about feeling persecuted and whining.

    DING DING DING DING… we have a WINNER!

    ***confetti & balloons drop from the ceiling***

    Seriously… do these frauds REALLY want to be martyred? Being crucified hurts like Hell. Apart from the exquisite pain of having nails driven thru your hands and feet, there’s the slow suffocation that actually kills you.

    And let’s not even get started on ‘Lions, Being Fed To’ or ‘Torch, Being Used As A Human’…

  110. 110.

    Steeplejack

    December 6, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    @DougJ:

    That Obscure Object of Desire (1977).

  111. 111.

    bellatrys

    December 6, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    No, you’re not imagining things, Doug. Corrente covered this years ago, iirc, back before the Schism there.

    (This was quite a revelation and an unwelcome to me, as I had been a willing, if gulled, Tool in the War on Christmas as a kid, raised in it by the same subculture that Falafel O’Reilly hails from, and we latecomers hadn’t a clue that we were just being fed lines from the Dearborn Independent with the serial numbers filed off and replaced with “secular humanist” and “atheists” and “New York liberals” – very much a cause for chagrin, when I learned the truth.)

  112. 112.

    RedKitten

    December 6, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    First thing I notice is that they are only playing non-Christian Christmas songs (Jingle Bells, etc.).

    This is what I don’t understand. That sentence makes no sense whatsoever. For her to have noted that they’re ONLY playing secular songs, then she must have stuck around for quite a long time in order to hear their entire playlist, no? And yet, it’s the first thing she noticed?

    I call bullshit.

    She walked in, immediately noticed that the song playing was “Jingle Bells”, and jumped to the conclusion that she was in an atheist den of iniquity, although for all she knew, they might have been playing “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”, “O Holy Night” and “We Three Kings” before that.

    So quick to take offense, aren’t they?

  113. 113.

    Shawn

    December 6, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    Would these birther/wingnuts have tossed the Three Wise Men out because they were not-documented workers? Short answer: yes. Not to mention they were likely brown and swarthy… hardly likely that blonde Scandinavian Royalty was traveling in Judea in mid-June, 2 BC… I mean c’mon, they were probably pillaging villages along the Fjordes or sumpin’. Too busy to travel by camel in the middle-east.

    @108 republic of stupidity

    Seriously… do these frauds REALLY want to be martyred

    No. Just raptured, all the benefits, none of the pain. As far as they know.

  114. 114.

    jwb

    December 6, 2009 at 8:23 pm

    @asiangrrlMN: Time for football. Go Vikes!

  115. 115.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 6, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    @RedKitten:

    So quick to take offense, aren’t they?

    It’s their raison d’etre. Yeah, I used French. I suppose that makes me some kind of unAmerican Christmas-hater.

  116. 116.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 6, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    @RedKitten: Excellent point, RedKitten. I almost WISH I were a cashier during this season and confronted with the wingnuttery.

    LET’S GO VIKINGS!

  117. 117.

    Punchy

    December 6, 2009 at 8:27 pm

    HAWKEYES IN THE ORANGE BOWL! Suck on that, Penn State. We gunna crush some tech nerds from Bassackwardville, USA.

    Stanzi for Senator.

  118. 118.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 6, 2009 at 8:27 pm

    @asiangrrlMN: Go Cards!

  119. 119.

    Josh Huaco

    December 6, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    @Punchy:

    Hell yeah!

  120. 120.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    December 6, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    @The Republic of Stupidity: Standards have slipped. It used to take torture and/or death to make a martyr. Now all it takes is going into a store that doesn’t have Jesus wrapping paper.

    (Seriously, Jesus wrapping paper? Why would a “real” Christian want to cut through, tape over and then rip open his face?)

  121. 121.

    The Main Gauche of Mild Reason

    December 6, 2009 at 8:35 pm

    I ask a clerk, “What is the reason for the season?” and I get back “What?”.

    The correct response is “Saturnalia, naturally.” I would’ve loved to see the wingnut fit in response to that.

  122. 122.

    CalD

    December 6, 2009 at 8:44 pm

    In my case it happens to be true. I really am at war on Christmas.

    That goes double for People of Faith.

    War!

  123. 123.

    DougJ

    December 6, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    That Obscure Object of Desire (1977).

    Are they Basque or something? I can’t remember the movie that well.

  124. 124.

    Bruce (formerly Steve S.)

    December 6, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    Dear retailers: if you acknowledge the Christian mythos then we’ll reward you by purchasing goods in the name of the Christian mythos. Just as Jesus commanded.

    There is no hope for the human race.

  125. 125.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    December 6, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    Am I reading too much into The War On Christmas when I think that forcing retailers to talk about the Baby Jesus is especially troubling in light of the fact that so many retail stores were founded by Jewish Americans?

    No.

    Here in Michigan, virtually all gas stations are owned by Mid-Eastern immigrants. I wonder how many of them would appreciate being whined at to wish everyone “merry Christmas”?

  126. 126.

    chrome agnomen

    December 6, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    if jeebus came back, i’d kill the son of a bitch myself just for showing up the first time. the bastard knew what that would cause and he did it anyway.

  127. 127.

    Steeplejack

    December 6, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    @DougJ:

    I haven’t seen the movie in quite a while, but my memory is that the terrorists were a made-up group (Revolutionary Army of the Infant Jesus) that Buñuel used mostly as a counterpoint to show how self-absorbed the main characters were, i.e., sporadic terrorist attacks occur around them through the movie, but they respond only in terms of how it inconveniences them or makes them late for something.

  128. 128.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    December 6, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    @The Main Gauche of Mild Reason:

    The correct response is “Saturnalia, naturally.” I would’ve loved to see the wingnut fit in response to that.

    No no no… it’s a ‘Festivus For the Rest of Us’… with the Pole… and the Feats of Strenght… and best of all, the Telling of the Disappointments!

  129. 129.

    Ann Rynd

    December 6, 2009 at 10:22 pm

    Hollywood practically invented the American ideal of Christmas and every studio head was Jewish. Bill O grew up watching L.B. Mayer’s “Have yourself a merry little xmas” with Judy Garland and Margaret OBrien and bought into every sentimental second of it. The nuns used to show xmas movies in catholic schools and sit crying at the projectors in the 40’s and 50’s. Bill’s heart grows full every December with the fruit of Zanuck’s schtick.

  130. 130.

    Left Coast Tom

    December 6, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    I think The War On Christmas[tm] is about nothing more than Family Research [tm] Council and other assorted political hacks raising money off the rubes.

    It doesn’t matter what happens any given Christmas Shopping Season, retailers could all force shoppers to trip over mangers while entering the door, it simply wouldn’t matter. There would still be A War On Christmas Which Must Be Fought because the jackasses bleating about it are either the fools handing money over to groups like the FRC, or the knaves taking it.

  131. 131.

    b-psycho

    December 6, 2009 at 11:30 pm

    @The Main Gauche of Mild Reason: Please actually go say that. And be sure to include the description.

  132. 132.

    Sasha

    December 6, 2009 at 11:57 pm

    @kommrade reproductive vigor:

    This isn’t about Christmas. If those fucks gave a shit about Jesus they’d be too busy doing good works to give a damn. This is about feeling persecuted and whining.

    But for those types of Christians, good works don’t matter — it’s all about accepting Christ as one’s personal Lord and Savior.

    In other words, you don’t actually have to follow Christ’s example to be a Christian.

  133. 133.

    Sasha

    December 7, 2009 at 12:06 am

    @comrade scott’s agenda of rage:

    I doubt Jesus would have understood 21st century capitalism.

    Oh, He understood all too well.

    16Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”

    17″Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments.”

    18″Which ones?” the man inquired.

    Jesus replied, ” ‘Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, 19honor your father and mother,'[d] and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.'[e]”

    20″All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”

    21Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

    22When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

    23Then Jesus said to his disciples, “I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” (Mark 19: 16-24)

  134. 134.

    Sasha

    December 7, 2009 at 12:09 am

    @beabea:

    This brings to mind a bumper sticker I once saw:

    “Jesus is coming, and boy is he pissed!”

    Wish I could find it to slap on my car, and drive around and piss off a few folks here in Central Wingnuttia.

    No, that would be a bumper sticker that reads:

    “Jesus is coming — open your mouth.”

    I blanched the first time I saw that one.

    (The other one is “Is Jesus Coming? No, he’s just breathing hard.”)

  135. 135.

    BDeevDad

    December 7, 2009 at 12:12 am

    Wanna blow a Christianist’s mind, show them the religion of who wrote most of their favorite carols.

  136. 136.

    Ian

    December 7, 2009 at 12:26 am

    @calipygian:

    Rest assured, if the United States had the equivalent of the giant Buddha statues of Bamiyan, some Christian nut would have parked a Ryder truck full of diesel and fertilizer next to it by now

    Example= see native American heritage sites

  137. 137.

    Smedley

    December 7, 2009 at 1:29 am

    @Leelee for Obama:
    And even further into the dark days of the past

    Jesus saves… Green Stamps.

    Don’t know Green Stamps? Well just set down over here young fella and I’ll tell ya all about them…

  138. 138.

    Smedley

    December 7, 2009 at 1:56 am

    @Shawn:

    The wing nuts would have an even greater problem with the Magi.
    Most scholars believe the Magi were Zoroastrian Priests.
    Zoroastrianism was the state religion of Persia, modern day Iran.

    So it was a buncha Iranians that brought gifts to our little christian boy.

  139. 139.

    Smedley

    December 7, 2009 at 1:57 am

    @jwb:

    Ooooh, too bad…
    It just wasn’t in the cards…

  140. 140.

    Phoebe

    December 7, 2009 at 1:59 am

    @kommrade reproductive vigor: Yeah. It’s all about “Our side! Cater to us! Respect our Authoriteee!”

    I’ve been thinking for a long time that this uprising of the furious morans, which gets louder and crazier every day, was just the 27 percenters screaming in sore-loser-ism because Obama won and they cannot stand the pain and have no grace. But when will it stop? Should I be worried? They are just about rabid with anger over nothing at all at this point.

  141. 141.

    Smedley

    December 7, 2009 at 2:09 am

    @BDeevDad:
    But these “carols ” don’t mention the baby Jesus…
    How un Xmas….
    So it’s OK they were written by non christians.

  142. 142.

    Phoebe

    December 7, 2009 at 2:13 am

    @Anne Laurie: I love Seth Rogen movies, and particularly recommend Observe and Report.

  143. 143.

    minordomo

    December 7, 2009 at 2:54 am

    In the previous TWOC post, some Xtianist asked “what does red and green have to do with Jesus?”. Excellent point.

    Let’s think about the true meaning of The War on Christmas. Christmas, the Christian holiday, is about the birth of Jesus, the Nativity, the three wise men, the shepherds. And that’s about it, give or take.

    All the rest – gift-giving, Christmas trees, Santa Claus*, the elves, mistletoe, green and red – is just a bunch of pagan nonsense that has been grafted on a Christian holiday. Sure, it’s helped make it a very popular holiday and may well be one of the most potent propaganda pieces in the Church’s arsenal (compare church attendance around Christmas to the rest of the year).

    True Christians should resist all these accoutrements, nay, should Declare War on them, since they do nothing but dilute and distort the true meaning of Christmas. Out with the Christmas tree and the decorations, say no to gift-giving, and encourage your neighbors and friends vociferously to do likewise!

    *Yes, there is a loose connection of Santa Claus to St. Nicholas, but if you want to go down that route, then celebrate St. Nicholas at the appropriate time, on December 6th, the Feast of St. Nicholas, as some countries actually do.

  144. 144.

    satby

    December 7, 2009 at 8:21 am

    I’ve declared war on the people who believe there’s a war on Christmas.

  145. 145.

    twiffer

    December 7, 2009 at 10:10 am

    @calipygian: He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.

    so, to keep your kid from “turning gay”, you should show him your cock? why does that seem counter-intuitive to me?

  146. 146.

    twiffer

    December 7, 2009 at 10:22 am

    do these people not understand most of the clerks around the holidays are high school and college kids looking for a few extra bucks? the staffing goes up for the holiday rush, with stores basically hiring anyone who can breathe. pulse is optional.

    i’d not be surprised if one of these ratings people were beaten to death by a stressed out clerk.

  147. 147.

    Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion

    December 7, 2009 at 10:42 am

    @minordomo: Wrong. You have your history exactly backwards. Christmas is a bunch of Christian nonsense grafted onto a pagan holiday. The early Christians forbade the observance of holy days, and viewed the celebration of birthdays as sinful and self-indulgent. December 25th and its analogues were ancient when Christ was born.

    Colossians 2:16 (King James Version)

    16Let no man therefore judge you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of an holyday, or of the new moon, or of the sabbath days:

    Galatians 4:10 (King James Version)

    10Ye observe days, and months, and times, and years.

  148. 148.

    minordomo

    December 7, 2009 at 11:42 am

    VRCFoC,

    I suspect you missed the intended tone of my comment, which included a good dose of sarcasm aimed at Christianists (though AFAIK the myth of the nativity did precede the folklore amounting to Father Christmas). The basic point being that yep, the two sides of Christmas have little or nothing to do with each other (with a Christian saint called Nicholas providing a tenuous link/excuse), and if Christianists want to start forcing “baby Jesus” this and that down our throats left and right, then they should at the same time disown all the elements of present-day Christmas that are not strictly speaking Christian, i.e. are not found in the bible.

    I suspect that would be a poor bargain for Christianists, since the potential propaganda effect of Christmas is huge, even if at the same time Christmas has become a mostly commercial endeavor.

    Interesting bible quotes as well, very informative.

    No need to argue about this, IMO. Seems to me we’re on the same page.

  149. 149.

    Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion

    December 7, 2009 at 1:29 pm

    @minordomo: No sweat, and sorry if I came off rude. FWIW, tho, the pagan stuff is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay older than the “nativity”, which is itself an echo of pagan mythological cycles. Jeremiah Chapter 10, 3-5 contains a description of tree worship as it was practiced by Israel’s neighbors that would do any Christmas display window proud. Yeah, Jesus and the boys would have stoned their sorry asses to death for idolatry for observing ANY “Christmas” tradition. But yeah, I think we’re on the same page. Much love, and happy whatever excuse you use for getting happy during the dark months of winter.

  150. 150.

    Little Dreamer

    December 7, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    @Zam:

    I don’t think they realize that forcing non Christians to recognize their shit while at work could lead to some serious lawsuits.

    Forgive them Lord, they know not what they do. Also, Lord, please don’t allow any of these lawsuits to advance, just in case.

  151. 151.

    Little Dreamer

    December 7, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    @calipygian:

    It amuses me to no end that the Christian god is so weak, that He constantly needs reassurance at the cash register or help from Congress to keep His self-esteem up.

    Let’s not forget their need to have only their symbol in a certain venue, such as the cross at Block 11 in Auschwitz I which shall never be removed, because, when I think of Auschwitz, I immediately think of all those millions of Christians who died.

  152. 152.

    Little Dreamer

    December 7, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    @techno:

    And it is commercial interests that take a twelve-day celebration religious celebration into a three month

    Where in the hell did this 12 day BS come from? I thought that was the original attempt to make the ONE day celebration longer. Geez, can’t these Christians ever get anything right the first time?

  153. 153.

    Little Dreamer

    December 7, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    @Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion:

    Both of those books were written by the apostle Paul, so?

  154. 154.

    minordomo

    December 7, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    @Little Dreamer:

    So read what they say.

  155. 155.

    minordomo

    December 7, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    @Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion:

    Isn’t the Father Christmas stuff younger though? I know the tree, the green and red colors etc. go back a long way.

  156. 156.

    Little Dreamer

    December 7, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    @minordomo:

    Apparently you don’t know much about Paul.

  157. 157.

    Little Dreamer

    December 7, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    @minordomo:

    I know the tree

    goes back long before Jesus, it’s in the Old Testament. The ornamenting of trees was a practice done back in pagan times.

  158. 158.

    The Populist

    December 7, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    It is sinister.

    Newsflash: If you hear somebody say “Happy Holidays” get off the high horse and don’t be angry. Better yet, reply in kind with MERRY CHRISTMAS if it makes you feel better.

    Right wing…this country is not solely yours. It is the melting pot that Republicans used to LOVE reminding us we were until they realized they couldn’t convert people to their way of thinking.

    Deal with it. Another 20 years or so YOU WILL BE THE MINORITY. Deal with, adapt and be kind to others and tolerate their viewpoints. Nobody says you have to agree, sheesh.

  159. 159.

    minordomo

    December 7, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    @Little Dreamer:

    Not sure if we’re having a disagreement here, and I’ll be happy to learn more – but I haven’t yet seen anything that is in conflict with my understanding that Father Christmas doesn’t predate the 1st century AD (and hey, I may well be wrong on that…).

    Though your link relating to Paul didn’t work, so I don’t know what info I would find there.

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