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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Ho! Ho! Uh-Oh!

Ho! Ho! Uh-Oh!

by John Cole|  December 9, 20098:23 pm| 84 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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Another victim in the war on Christmas:

apparentlysantawasnaughty

G & G help mom and dad decorate. Somewhere, Mrs. Claus is frantically screaming “GREEN BALLOONS!”

*** Update ***

I’m also afraid this might void my Apple warranty:

mylaptopnowbeeoch

Go ahead. You tell him to move. Have at it.

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Reader Interactions

84Comments

  1. 1.

    valdivia

    December 9, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    such a cute picture, they really look like they are about the decapitate that.

    So when are you making Green Balloons a new tag?

  2. 2.

    R. Johnston

    December 9, 2009 at 8:27 pm

    Unfortunately for Mrs. Claus, her safe word is “Zanzibar.”

  3. 3.

    General Winfield Stuck

    December 9, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    THIS. Makes me smile.:-)

  4. 4.

    Keith G

    December 9, 2009 at 8:33 pm

    I believe I heard that “Red Balloons” would be a better choice.

    Just saying.

  5. 5.

    Krissed Off

    December 9, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    Don’t know about you, but my balloons by now are pretty purple.

  6. 6.

    valdivia

    December 9, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    @Keith G:

    yeah that is part of what makes this funny to me. This Rep pol from the south just gave the unsuspecting non-BDSM world a universal safe word, and like all republican things it totally sucks and contradicts its intended purpose! ;-)

  7. 7.

    Punchy

    December 9, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    I cant wait to see Johnny explain to his mom what the “green balloons” comment means.

    God, I hope his mom doesn’t read this fucking blog. So many crass fucking commentors.

  8. 8.

    danimal

    December 9, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    So when are you making Green Balloons a new tag?

    Why not go whole hog and rename the blog Green Balloon Juice?
    Make all the links and masthead green instead of blue and excite Sullivan when he lurks the joint.

  9. 9.

    geg6

    December 9, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    Too cute! Now that’s what I call getting in the spirit!

  10. 10.

    valdivia

    December 9, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    @danimal:

    no that will only happen when Balloon Juice marries Little Green Footballs.

  11. 11.

    jrg

    December 9, 2009 at 8:41 pm

    I’ll bet Santa wishes he had a helicopter. And a .30-30.

  12. 12.

    MichaelR

    December 9, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    Tell your Mom she needs to start a traditional “Rawhide Santa” display for the pups (and keep shooting pics until the batteries give out or the storage card is full).

  13. 13.

    geg6

    December 9, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    Hey Cole, looks like Tunch has decided he likes the new ‘puter. Looks like you’re gonna have to go get yer own. Merry Christmas, says Tunch.

  14. 14.

    danimal

    December 9, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    @valdivia: Oh God, can you imagine the children from a Little Green Football/Balloon Juice marriage?

  15. 15.

    RedKitten

    December 9, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    Funny — G&G look tinier than usual in that photo.

    And Tunch? Well…

  16. 16.

    Annie

    December 9, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    @valdivia:

    You are the best. Two of your posts, and I can’t stop laughing…

    I think Tunch is registering a complaint over how much Balloon time Lily gets. Finally, he has to sit on the computer to get John to give us his adorable self. I do love that cat…

  17. 17.

    beltane

    December 9, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    Tunch looks like a white balloon, except heavier.

  18. 18.

    valdivia

    December 9, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    @Annie:

    thanks. though I can’t take credit for the marriage LGF one though cause I think someone said something similar yesterday.

    @danimal:

    that would be one crazy family, for sure!

  19. 19.

    valdivia

    December 9, 2009 at 8:55 pm

    oh Tunch!! I agree with Annie he is upset he is not top bill on every pet post anymore, he is taking over.

  20. 20.

    Svensker

    December 9, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    @beltane:

    Tunch looks like a white balloon, except heavier.

    Wull, yuh. I mean, what does “Tunch” rhyme with? Munch, bunch, lunch, crunch. Every time the poor kitty hears his name, he thinks of lots of food. And obviously eats it, too.

  21. 21.

    ethan salto

    December 9, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    It’s cute how those cats are all huddling together and it looks like one giant Voltron cat!

  22. 22.

    John Cole

    December 9, 2009 at 8:59 pm

    @ethan salto: That was just hurtful.

  23. 23.

    Sour Kraut

    December 9, 2009 at 9:01 pm

    You tell him to move.

    Under his own power? Not likely.

  24. 24.

    Socraticsilence

    December 9, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    Wow that things going to look like an Air after Tunch gets up.

  25. 25.

    robertdsc

    December 9, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    He iz king!

  26. 26.

    SiubhanDuinne

    December 9, 2009 at 9:05 pm

    Oh John, *thank* you! I’ve been wishing for pictures of G and G. Tunch is (you should excuse the expression) gravy.

  27. 27.

    JenJen

    December 9, 2009 at 9:05 pm

    G&G!! All is good in the world!!

    Thanks for that, Cole. And Cole-Dad, if you’re listening, how about one of those G&G videos?

  28. 28.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    December 9, 2009 at 9:07 pm

    Tunch is just keeping it warm for ya, which makes it boot faster. Yeah, that’s the ticket! ;)

    You want plump? Our Sammy is small but almost as wide as he is tall. When he is upright but laying down, he looks like a butterball turkey with fur and a cats head. He is on a diet now and is slimming down but I have to deal with his endless bitching until dinner time. Every single day.

    He’s a great garage kitteh though!

  29. 29.

    General Winfield Stuck

    December 9, 2009 at 9:07 pm

    Go ahead. You tell him to move. Have at it.

    No way. When The King lies down, it becomes his throne by definition. Mere peasants must abide.

  30. 30.

    PurpleGirl

    December 9, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    Okay, I’m having dinner…eating a piece of roll and I see the picture of Tunch and read the caption… I start laughing and start choking.

  31. 31.

    donovong

    December 9, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    Well, that’s gonna be one highly compressed hard drive.

    I keed, I keed!

  32. 32.

    WereBear

    December 9, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    We have three chances, with 3 cats, to impose our Human Will.

    Bupkes.

  33. 33.

    MattR

    December 9, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    I don’t understand all the Tunch bashing. It’s not his fault he has such a small head that it makles the rest of his body look ridiculously large in comparison.

  34. 34.

    NutellaonToast

    December 9, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    I didn’t know that Apple made 35″ laptops, but I’m at a loss for another explanation for the scale in that pic.

    OH SCHNAP! TUNCH IS FAT.

  35. 35.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 9, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    Tunchie Tunchie, smooches! I love that cat.

    @DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal): Sammy is not plump! He’s a cutie, too.

  36. 36.

    Annie

    December 9, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    @DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal):

    OMG!!!! Maybe you should unplug him….

  37. 37.

    Seth 4:10

    December 9, 2009 at 9:16 pm

    My head-smacking encounter with a Becker today: Humans cause global warming, not their activity, not eating, just humans and their body heat, and this heat is not caused by the metabolic process (which I had to explain to him first, before he denied it).

    the capper is his solution: bomb China and India

  38. 38.

    CaseyL

    December 9, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    Always lovely to see His Tunchness. He looks content in an odd way; in an “At last I have Dad’s undivided attention so I can conspicuously ignore him” way.

  39. 39.

    NobodySpecial

    December 9, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    He looks like Orlando Pace, only more mobile.

  40. 40.

    The Dangerman

    December 9, 2009 at 9:19 pm

    Why is Orson Welles coming to mind right now?

  41. 41.

    valdivia

    December 9, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    sort of a random thought and maybe a tad contentious but this whole Tiger Woods thing (all the text messages and emails are now on magazines) are really going to hamper the ability of lovers to connect with each other without having second thoughts. That makes me sad. I still have archived emails from exes that I treasure, but none of those would happen in this environment.

    PS I don’t intend to do anything with those archived emails btw. For the record.

  42. 42.

    NobodySpecial

    December 9, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    @valdivia:

    He never learned the first rule – never put it in writing.

  43. 43.

    valdivia

    December 9, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    @NobodySpecial:

    do any of us? ;-)

  44. 44.

    demkat620

    December 9, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    Okay, I get why the cat is on the ‘puter. But why is he not on his futon thingy? That’s his throne right?

    BTW, if anybody needs some more religion at this time of year, The Holy War is on ESPN2

  45. 45.

    WereBear

    December 9, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    Cats are THERE.

    Existence is nine tenths of the law,

  46. 46.

    Self Deprecate Political Humor

    December 9, 2009 at 9:33 pm

    Why do those puppies hate Christmas so much? :(

  47. 47.

    NobodySpecial

    December 9, 2009 at 9:38 pm

    @valdivia:

    Heh.

  48. 48.

    Badtux

    December 9, 2009 at 9:39 pm

    The War on Christmas is well underway. I visited a home recently where the owner of the house, rather than being a good red-blooded Christian American, instead worshipped some Middle Eastern god. She had in her living room a sacred totem of renewal and fertility, around which her family gathered to sing songs of worship to their god. Her family also celebrated the birth of their god by holding a feast — while the sacred fertility totem was still erect mere feet away from their feast table! Do you realize how un-American such a blatant and obvious fertility rite clearly is? It was the most horrifyingly un-American thing I ever saw!

    — Badtux the Snarky Penguin

  49. 49.

    SIA aka ScreamingInAtlanta

    December 9, 2009 at 9:51 pm

    Somewhere, Mrs. Claus is frantically screaming “GREEN BALLOONS!”

    I knew some kind of reason for living would emerge today.

  50. 50.

    AhabTRuler

    December 9, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    @beltane:

    Tunch looks like a white balloon, except heavier.

    I agree!

  51. 51.

    Calming Influence

    December 9, 2009 at 10:05 pm

    Jabba the Tunch.

  52. 52.

    Calming Influence

    December 9, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    Oooooohhhh! I see edits!

  53. 53.

    Nazgul35

    December 9, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    Come on…we all know Mrs. Claus’ safe word would be “Ass Rabies!”

  54. 54.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    December 9, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    What, no ass rabies tag?

  55. 55.

    Calming Influence

    December 9, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    @demkat620:
    Cats are the supreme beings of leisure. Just to demonstrate that their bodies are so superior to ours, they will occasionally pass up a soft rug in front of a warm fire to fall into a blissful sleep whilst lying upon a boot.

  56. 56.

    demkat620

    December 9, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    Ah now I get it! The computer has ass rabies!

    The world makes sense now.

  57. 57.

    RedKitten

    December 9, 2009 at 10:17 pm

    @Sour Kraut:

    You tell him to move.

    Under his own power? Not likely.

    Win.
    @Badtux: Badtux! Where the hell have you been, you flightless little fart?

  58. 58.

    Left Coast Tom

    December 9, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    Go ahead. You tell him to move. Have at it.

    He should be happy you didn’t make any bets involving him dressing up as a Raiders fan.

  59. 59.

    Noonan

    December 9, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    I think someone needs to give Jane Hamsher a safe word. She’s lost it.

  60. 60.

    gbear

    December 9, 2009 at 10:23 pm

    Exhibit #1that there is indeed a war on christmas.

    Other than that I got nuthin’. Just me and the two cats trying to stay warm tonight. MN winters can be mean sometimes.

  61. 61.

    Warren Terra (A.K.A. Warren Chris Mess)

    December 9, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    Tell the truth – that’s not your Apple laptop, that’s your old NeXTcube Tunch lay down upon. Good luck digging it out of the couch.

  62. 62.

    Warren Terra

    December 9, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    Hm. I’ve got a 10:24 PM comment in the Moderation Queue for reasons I cannot discern – possibly because I added a postscript to my Pseud?

  63. 63.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 9, 2009 at 10:29 pm

    @gbear: Um, ‘coz you live in MN? You know this used to be the norm.

  64. 64.

    valdivia

    December 9, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    @Noonan:

    I think she is past using safe words.

  65. 65.

    jl

    December 9, 2009 at 10:40 pm

    Those devil dogs are tearing up Christmas!

    But I am glad they have not totally chewed up and shredded your folks home. Consider that a very generous merry Christmas present from two JRTs.

    And no, I will not tell his Tunchness to move one millimeter. I am not worthy.

  66. 66.

    gbear

    December 9, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    @asiangrrlMN: I was born here (I can see the hospital I was born in from my desk at work), but it seems my ability to deal with MN winters is becoming inversely proportional with my age. If I live to be 100, I will have 0% tolerance for MN winters.

  67. 67.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    December 9, 2009 at 10:44 pm

    Tunch looks quite svelte compared to this chap.

  68. 68.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 9, 2009 at 10:45 pm

    @gbear: I thought you were a lifer. Yeah, I can see that, I guess. It might also be because the last few winters have been mild.

  69. 69.

    Comrade Mary

    December 9, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    @gbear: That’s not war. I LOVE that song!

    But have you seen the official video? Fucking brilliant.

  70. 70.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    December 9, 2009 at 10:53 pm

    @asiangrrlMN:

    I’ll get an aerial shot of him to show you just how plump he is but I’ll have to use the wide-angle lens. ;)

    Sammy is one of those cats who has a small head (but a huge schnoz) but he is definitely ‘Rubenesque’ in form. My wife and I laugh our asses off at his small head and small ass attached to the huge blob in the middle. I told the wife that if he didn’t get on a diet we would need to install casters on his moobs.

    Annie, unplugging him wouldn’t shut him off. He’s like the energizer bunny when it comes to food. He loves to hang out in the garage with me and he isn’t perturbed by power/air tools, the compressor or any other noisy thing I am using. I have to keep him out of the way when I am grinding steel because he is fascinated by the sparks. He is constantly being brushed because he picks up metal shavings.

    Turn on the vacuum cleaner in the house though and he will climb on top of the deep freeze and dive behind it, necessitating me pulling it out from the wall so he can get out. I block it in advance now but it had me looking for him the first couple of times I vacuumed…lol

  71. 71.

    gbear

    December 9, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    @Comrade Mary:

    IMHO, no. sorry.

  72. 72.

    beltane

    December 9, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    @AhabTRuler: Oh dear, it’s the Goodyear Cat.

  73. 73.

    SIA aka ScreamingInAtlanta

    December 9, 2009 at 11:03 pm

    @Calming Influence: Heh.

  74. 74.

    gbear

    December 9, 2009 at 11:03 pm

    (deleted by gbear. techincal difficulties. giving up and going to bed)

  75. 75.

    Bad Horse's Filly

    December 9, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    I got sidetracked by Public Enemies (horrible, even the 2009 sexiest man alive could not save it) and Glee (okay I admit it, I cried). So it took me a while to get here tonight. Then I come here and get a wonderful surprise, G & G and my man Tunch! Work’s been, life’s been good…waiting for the bus. (To hit me, ya know, cause I’m ultimately a pessimist in optimist clothing).

    Love the pet and snark threads these days.

  76. 76.

    ihop

    December 10, 2009 at 12:09 am

    thank you most kindly for the picture of the two jacks going all postal on the klaus-elf.

  77. 77.

    Lincolnshire Poacher

    December 10, 2009 at 12:11 am

    Nice picture of the white cat commandeering the laptop. An update on the whole cat and mouse game.

  78. 78.

    Sour Kraut

    December 10, 2009 at 12:15 am

    The Tunch abides.

  79. 79.

    RJ

    December 10, 2009 at 12:15 am

    Out of interest, is there any reason why the wingnuts don’t talk about a war *for* christmas? The war *on* christmas by itself doesn’t imply that anyone’s fighting back.

  80. 80.

    burnspbesq

    December 10, 2009 at 12:33 am

    @valdivia:

    Aww, be fair. If I had to spend quality time with a bat-guano-crazy blonde, I would pick Jane over Ann Coulter all day, every day. And Jane has a cool dog.

  81. 81.

    valdivia

    December 10, 2009 at 5:36 am

    @burnspbesq:

    but why would you have to?

  82. 82.

    Morbo

    December 10, 2009 at 8:06 am

    I didn’t know Tunch was a smoker.

  83. 83.

    burnspbesq

    December 10, 2009 at 9:59 am

    @valdivia:

    I iz a victim of Tunch Mind Control.

  84. 84.

    PTirebiter

    December 10, 2009 at 10:22 am

    Jeez- I love the war on xmas snap. FYI- To Tunch, your laptop is just a high end heating pad. Slap an Apple logo on a cheap pad set on low and you might fool him, otherwise, consider extending your Apple Care.

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