Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

People are complicated. Love is not.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

You can’t love your country only when you win.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

Let there be snark.

This really is a full service blog.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

In my day, never was longer.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

I really should read my own blog.

Bark louder, little dog.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

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Reader Interactions

226Comments

  4. 4.

    DougJ

    With Allah as my witness, the animated Michael Steele was saying “Notice something different?” as I took that screen grab.

    Well, he should have said “green balloons”.

  11. 11.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    the animated Michael Steele was saying “Notice something different?” as I took that screen grab

    The bound victim is an adult?

  17. 17.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    Fuck that is WIN! I am laughing my ass off and glad that I wasn’t drinking anything!

  19. 19.

    amorphous

    The only way adding the old Michael Steele gif to every website is if he were to say “FaceSpace” instead of “MySpace” at the end. I would quite literally die.

  24. 24.

    Sly

    I’m seriously in tears.

    I had to step away for a few minutes after seeing the Blue Obama Dildo and George-Bush-Rendered-In-Anuses.

    I fear I may have set loose something awesomely terrifying and terrifyingly awesome.

  26. 26.

    kindness

    Hey…you’re demeaning a much more wholesome place like Alt with those republican scum……

    Not good karma.

  27. 27.

    Tsulagi

    Michael Steele was saying “Notice something different?”

    Yeah, “Man” seeking a “Woman,” and age 18 being the lower search number.

  29. 29.

    freelancer

    Who the fuck pitched this? and who the fuck greenlit it?

    “That sounds excellent, Chesterton. Yes, this will really get a wrench stuck in the gears of those liberals. We’ll show them that they’re not the only ones who know how to use the Net. BTW, did you ever see the movie the Net with Sandra Bullock? Quite spooky. We’re lucky to live in a world where no one uses ‘The Net’ for nefarious, evil, or subversive purposes, ’cause that would be doubly-spooky. Now, let’s get this thing unwrapped!”

  34. 34.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    I’m trying to figure out how to post this on facebook but keep the younger facebook friends from viewing it.

  36. 36.

    jl

    “In before somebody creates a GOP-themed Goatse.”

    I think this would be very useful and may save our Democratic Republic.

    I have not idea how this works or what you dang kids are up to, but the results speak for themselves.

    Anyway to archive this stuff in a special B-J section before the GOP shuts this promotiona goldmine down?

  39. 39.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @jl:

    Anyway to archive this stuff in a special B-J section before the GOP shuts this promotioanl goldmine down?

    Screencaps definitely needed.

    I have not idea how this works or what you dang kids are up to, but the results speak for themselves.

    The GOP is just doing hijacking of other people’s web sites by putting a frame around them. Because libs don’t use teh Internets.

    In before someone links to /b/.

    ETA: Wonder who gets to explain all those GOP referrals to these web sites? Or vice versa?

  42. 42.

    beltane

    @Scott de B.: What has our country come to. The communist party makes way, way more sense than the Republicans. Heck, they are more rational than Firedoglake.

  47. 47.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    Is it just me, or has the Time Cube guy gotten. . . weirder? I mean, the last time I saw his site, it didn’t have all those racial epithets, I don’t think.

  49. 49.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @AB:

    Oh god, giving this weapon to 4chan…

    I’m not touchin’ that, but it would be pointless not to speculate.

    I’m giving it a few more hours, because the GOP offices are closed. I’m curious when the tcot-ters figure this out, too.

  51. 51.

    jl

    @arguingwithsignposts: Ah. Thanks. I never thought much about how shorter URL stuff worked. The link references are at their site, so this is like sandpainting, right? Or wrong?

    Notorious P.A.T.: goatse is OK, but dragging the National Park Service into it? For shame! Have you no decency, Sir?

  67. 67.

    Midnight Marauder

    This might top it all:

    GOP.AM BROUGT TO YOU BY
    __
    POLITICAL MEDIA (link)
    __
    INSIDE POLITICS. OUTSIDE THE BOX.

    These are the people they paid for this service. Just too good. We should all send them thank you notes for providing the world such an amazing amount of win during otherwise pretty miserable times these days.

    And these guys have been circling my place for hours while I’ve been soaking in all this win. Also.

  72. 72.

    Zam

    Wasn’t the point of this to piss off liberals? Because this has given me more joy than I thought was possible.

  94. 94.

    Midnight Marauder

    @jnfr:

    I need all the laughs I can get tonight.

    Well you have come to the right place.

    http://gop.am/Wkol

    And because you are wondering:

    Original URL Length: 42 characters
    __
    GOP.AM URL Length: 18 characters
    __
    shortened by: 24 characters

  96. 96.

    Ruemara

    Bob is my witless, I think the GOP has absolutely lost it’s mind. And I am here to savor it. Thank you, thank you, Goddess Uzume, for the gift.

  99. 99.

    Hob

    I’m pretty sure I know the exact words that will be used in tomorrow’s conference call with Political Media:

    “No one could have predicted that smartass liberals would hijack our website and use it as a weapon.”

  107. 107.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    @Hob: I can’t wait to hear about the mean nasty liberal hackers* and ACORN thugs who ruined their nice new toy.

    *I know this isn’t hacking, but you can bet they’ll characterize this as hacking. Because they got the stoopids.

  111. 111.

    Martin

    I predict Balloon Juice consumes the entire gop.am namespace. Looks like just shy of 15M sites.

    Actually, that could be fun. Anyone feel like gassing up perl+curl to fill the namespace? Google returns 24M hits for ‘dildo’. I wonder how fast their server is?

  116. 116.

    Ked

    Giggles, all, I’m sure.

    But seriously – who in their right mind clicks on a deliberately obscured url? Are actual people that trusting? Darwin awards in progress.

    A couple weeks ago I spent several very long days helping a local organization clean a virus out of a network with 1300 computers and a few dozen servers. Someone had clicked on something without thinking, it infected executables on a few servers, and the next morning everyone had it. Oh, sure, their fourth-tier crappy antivirus didn’t help matters. If it were some home user I’d just laugh, but when someone destroys that much productivity, exposes that much information… well, there need to be real consequences for active stupidity.

    So I’m not clicking on any of these, though I’m sure the typical BJ crowd isn’t linking to malware pages or phishing sites, and anyone who sends me a url like this in real life is landing on my spam list.

  119. 119.

    Midnight Marauder

    @freelancer:

    Oh, god, not the Bees!

    Oh wow. That was amazing. Who knew that such a terrible, terrible movie would lead to such awesomeness? In other news…

    http://gop.am/UYKY

    This has to go down as one of the Top 10 best nights of the year. Hands down. You crazy for this one, Michael Steele!

    +7

    (Apologies in advance for the double post. My giddiness overcomes me, I can only assume.)

    Edit: Because the original is in moderation hell. FYWP and all that.

  124. 124.

    Ked

    @Midnight Marauder:

    I suppose. It’s the end of a long day, and this is just a pet peeve. I appreciate that people want to turn off their brains sometimes, but the web is the wrong place to do so.

  127. 127.

    Dave L.

    @Evan: I know! Can someone please figure out how to get the animated Michael Steele on all gop.am links, so we can have some real fun??

  128. 128.

    Martin

    @Ked:

    Test webpages against Mac browsers on a non-Mac. Can’t? Thanks for playing. Want to see me run Firefox on Mac, Windows, and Linux simultaneously on my laptop while running multiple instances of Apache? All while never having to compile code to get anything running?

    Worth every penny.

  129. 129.

    Martin

    @Ked:

    Wut? The web is the perfect place to do it. It’s not our fault that Windows and IE exist. Nobody gets hurt here.

  131. 131.

    scav

    life is serious.

    and then you die.

    before that, you get cooties, head lice and internet viruses.

    especially after midnight.

    thus sayeth the preacher

  132. 132.

    parksideq

    This has literally made a shitty day into an awesome night for me. I salute everyone that made this thread possible (except Michael Steele, he’s just a douche).

    ETA: I hope the GOP never realizes how much they fail at technology. Then again, technology symbolizes progress, and we all know how much they hate that.

  134. 134.

    Comrade Darkness

    @Ked: I keep a separate browser for random surfing. Off branded, so low target, and all java and plug-ins disabled. Why miss out on the fun?

  139. 139.

    LightsOut

    Ok, my last one.

    http://gop.am/XOIT

    I think my other two (90 & 97) got stuck in moderation. (That’s what I get for being a new poster.) 3rd time = charm.

    I love this blog. Sick, brilliant people here.

  150. 150.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    Awwww, man…

    Thas what I git fer bein’ a responsible adult ‘n takin’ care o business ‘n blah blah blah…

    I missed this whole thread…

    Talk about hittin’ tha jackpot…

  153. 153.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @Ked

    Ked

    Giggles, all, I’m sure.
    But seriously – who in their right mind clicks on a deliberately obscured url? Are actual people that trusting? Darwin awards in progress.
    A couple weeks ago I spent several very long days helping a local organization clean a virus out of a network with 1300 computers and a few dozen servers. Someone had clicked on something without thinking, it infected executables on a few servers, and the next morning everyone had it. Oh, sure, their fourth-tier crappy antivirus didn’t help matters. If it were some home user I’d just laugh, but when someone destroys that much productivity, exposes that much information… well, there need to be real consequences for active stupidity.
    So I’m not clicking on any of these, though I’m sure the typical BJ crowd isn’t linking to malware pages or phishing sites, and anyone who sends me a url like this in real life is landing on my spam list.

    Well, aren’t you a special and unique snowflake. Look, if you’re not running a fucked up POS browser like IE in a fucked up OS like Windows 7 which still has no privilege separation then this isn’t a problem. This is only a problem on Windows boxen because Windows boxen have broken security and are about as secure as UNIX systems were 20 years ago. Oh, and the organization you did the work for, sounds as if their IT staff are a bunch of idiots who didn’t bother to implement a defense in depth strategy with a firewall, an application proxy an IDS and virus scanner and active virus scanning on the desktop. Talk about Darwin Awards in progress, someone ought to award one to the IT staff who set up this network.

  154. 154.

    Hob

    @kommrade reproductive vigor: Hell yes, they’ll call it hacking… or hijacking… or snarko-terrorism. And half of them will actually believe it.

    Just to take the grotesquely inappropriate 9/11 metaphor a little further: this would be like someone saying “no one could have predicted terrorists would hijack airplanes and use them as weapons”… if that someone had founded an airline that catered to thrill-seeking passengers by handing them the controls upon request, and only offered flights within the New York city limits. And the stated purpose of the airline was to annoy liberals.

    This Larry Ward will go far in the Internet media dimension. Oh my God, what if he teams up with Andrew Breitbart? How will we handle all the awesome?

  155. 155.

    mcc

    But seriously – who in their right mind clicks on a deliberately obscured url?

    Every single twitter user

    That’s the point

    The GOP thinks they’re good at twitter

  156. 156.

    Hob

    BTW, Larry Ward and Political Media is not a put-on – at least not a deliberate one. But if this doesn’t seem like the work of a clueful web media company, that’s probably because web-tube-place-sites are not really their core specialty. At least a few years ago, they were mainly into spam.

    (edit: One impressive feature of their site is a Code of Ethics page that doesn’t say anything about what the code is.)

  157. 157.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    @Hob:

    I am sure that the Code of Ethics page is as informative as it can be given the source. ;)

    Thanks for the lols peeps, this is one for the record books. Right up there with the McCain campaign allowing comments on the items they sold (without you having to buy one first).

    What a way to cap the day off!

  165. 165.

    Wile E. Quixote

    This reminds me of the thing the Republicans had in the 2004 election where you could create your own Bush/Cheney campaign yard signs. That was a lot of fun until they figured it out. It’s a pity that I can’t combine that one URL above, the NSFW one with the hammerandsteele site, it won’t display the images on Cold Fusion Markup pages (who the Hell still uses Cold Fusion anyways?) or anything with inline frames. It does however work with Active Server Pages.

    http://gop.am/eI9j

    and it works with this:

    http://gop.am/8Q0V

    and this:

    http://gop.am/nEng
    <p
    This has really made my evening.

  168. 168.

    mandarama

    @freelancer (itouch):

    Aww! That’s a good thing, since more than half of us are the same people.

    Would that make it self-love? Because I’m thinking that’s a great topic to shorten using gop.am!

  172. 172.

    LightsOut

    Hey, someone who’s not lazy (ie not me) should prolly get some screen captures of the best entries (eg Tunch infiltration) before the links are inevitably, sadly deactivated.

  175. 175.

    Sophist

    Huh, that’s weird. I tried inputting Stormfront.org, but the result just ended up being the regular GOP homepage.

    Odd, that…

  180. 180.

    r€nato

    My god… it’s full of win…

    you guys are the best. I want to have all of your children. Never mind that I don’t have any bleeding ovaries. I’ll gestate it in a box.

  181. 181.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    @r€nato:

    He also admitted to fucking watermelons. I guess the sight of those Rubenesque melons lying there, hot and inviting, naked and sun-kissed, foliage seductively covering their sensuously rotund shapes, was just too much for ol’ Neal and he lost control of himself.

    Probably pissed him off that every time he holed a melon he would see that someone had already shot their seed. I’m guessing Neal had nothing against sloppy seconds. ;)

  189. 189.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    Damn. It looks like they finally pulled the plug. Pages started coming up broken at 7:30am cst.

  193. 193.

    Kirk Spencer

    SMARTech Corp of Chattanooga TN has been the GOP’s webservice provider for at least a decade now. Allegedly, about a year, year and a half ago they had some shuffles in their company personnel.

    About a year, year and a half ago the GOP websites started becoming jokes.

    I’m beginning to suspect that SMARTech won’t get the next contract renewal.

  194. 194.

    Exurban Mom

    So sad. The only link I clicked on that didn’t come back broken was….Joe Lieberman’s website all wrapped up in pretty GOP.am wallpaper. Go figure.

  195. 195.

    Emma

    Damn. Went to bed early and missed the whole thing. It does look like a good time was had by all, though…

  196. 196.

    Svensker

    @Kirk Spencer:

    SMARTech Corp of Chattanooga TN has been the GOP’s webservice provider for at least a decade now. Allegedly, about a year, year and a half ago they had some shuffles in their company personnel.
    About a year, year and a half ago the GOP websites started becoming jokes.

    Liberty U grads strike again!

    So sad it’s all over, but that was sure fun.

  199. 199.

    Rob

    The invalid link page disclaimer says you’re not allowed to use the service for ‘lude’ content :) snicker

    Terms of Use:
    GOP.AM was created as a free service to make posting long URLs easier. If you use it for spamming, illegal purposes or to promote lude content, your GOP.AM URL will be disabled. This service is provided without warranty of any kind.

  200. 200.

    Rob

    snicker

    Terms of Use:
    GOP.AM was created as a free service to make posting long URLs easier. If you use it for spamming, illegal purposes or to promote lude content, your GOP.AM URL will be disabled. This service is provided without warranty of any kind.

  201. 201.

    KevinNYC

    Rob,

    “lude content” I think some of these qualify. I’m pretty sure they meant “lewd content.”

  203. 203.

    DRS

    Oh, and I am sure it’s been done, but worth doing again:

    http://gop.am/9z7f

    Frames gone mad! Started with a bit.ly redirect to gop.am and then just kept redirecting the new one over and over.

    They do check for “gop.am” but not for gop.am/whatever…

  204. 204.

    chuck

    Dammit I missed it all. I really needed something this full of win.

    Then again the NAMBLA link still works. They specifically keep that one or something?

  212. 212.

    Bob

    Those guys @ the GOP are slippery…they broke the alt.com link. So simply go to tinyurl.com and make a link to alt.com and then let put it into gop.am to fix the problem.

    Click here: http://gop.am/Y2XP

  216. 216.

    TheCuriosity

    Funny that they went and filtered out the wetsuit example in the OP, but you can still get things like tubgirl in it (lemon party has been filters, though.)

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