Can someone please explain what Col. Mustard is talking about:
The fear that conservatives would point out the obvious about this terrorist attack seemed to be a common first reaction:
“[The attack] means Greater Wingnuttia is going to get the very special happy Christmas they most desire, because what they like best of all is to wet their pants in an ecstasy of hysterical screeching …. “
John Cole of Balloon-Juice immediately lined up his preemptive attack:
I’m not going to speculate about what happened because the reports are all over the place, and I do not want to minimize the seriousness of it, but I will state that I think we all know the kind of media freak-out we are about to have over this event.
How was it an attempt to “politicize” terrorism for Hoeksta to point out the obvious? Al-Qaeda activities in Yemen are a problem, and this incident may prove that those activities have the ability to reach our shores as in the Fort Hood shooting.
I’m honestly baffled. Does anyone not think there is going to be a media freak-out over this? Has he not turned on the tv? Is he saying that it would be irresponsible for me to not speculate? Is he claiming I’m trying to downplay the event despite including the statement “I do not want to minimize the seriousness of it?” What is he “obviously” trying to point out- that people still want to attack the United States? I never even mentioned Hoekstra. What is he talking about?
And in order for me to launch a pre-emptive attack, wouldn’t I have to have written the post before someone tried to blow up a plane?
Conservatives are just weird. I swear to God half the trackbacks I get from wingnuts look like they just went through memorandum and linked to people randomly, no matter what they have said, and try to make it fit their post. All of the conservative blogosphere reads like a Palin tweet these days.
Corner Stone
Freak-out!
General Winfield Stuck
I just love it when they quote someone, like you here, then in a rebuttal quote something not in the original.
Do not Internet traditions mean anything to these people. Golly Gosh Darn It.? Where is their sense of decency? Teh Humanity of it all.
Proper Gander
What I love most about our whingenut friends is their complete lack of perspective. Climate science says with great confidence that harmful warming will take place within my lifetime (I’m in my 30s) and negatively affect the life of nearly every person on the planet, but to take any action is to open the door to a communist world government which will forces us all to drive Priuses (Priusi?) and use non-petroleum, vegetable-based lubricants for ghey buttseks. On the other hand, there is a one-in-ten million or lower chance of being a victim of a terrorist attack, so therefore every dusky-hued person must be cavity-searched with no lube whatsoever before looking in the general direction of an airport.
Fortunately, the idiotic utterances of these people are expanding out into the universe at the speed of light on FOX broadcast waves, so future alien civilizations have a chance of understanding how a planet self-destructs before they do so themselves.
chrome agnomen
these are the problems inherent in operating in a reality based world as opposed to wingnuttia.
Adam Collyer
Oh, does he mean when Hoekstra pointed out that attempted terrorism is actually an unsuccessful terrorist attack?
Seriously. Think about what Hoekstra said and ask if it makes any sense at all. “It wasn’t an ‘attempted’ terrorist attack. It was a terrorist attack that wasn’t successful.”
These are the people we’ve elected to Congress, folks. Enjoy the descent.
JenJen
Because Peter King is on CNN telling me that this was supposed to be “The Christmas Day Massacre,” and that’s why.
I swear to gawd these people sound disappointed.
Ash
Pete King is on CNN right now, and he literally just said, “This could have been the greatest tragedies in the history of America, the Christmas Day Massacre.”
Jesus Christ you fucking moron, he set his crotch on fire, the end.
matt
WONT SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
West of the Cascades
Jacobson is an embarassment to a decent law school – his whole argument hinges on the notion that it’s perfectly responsible and non-political to suggest that one thing “may” have a connection to another thing, no matter how remote that connection may be and no matter that (as John points out) WE DON’T FREAKING HAVE ANY FACTS YET to justify any speculation. The more remote and unconnected to factual evidence a claim (“al-Qaeda activities in Yemen are a problem” MAY “reach our shores”), the more likely the person making the connection is acting from political motives.
Isn’t it a little more obvious that al-Qaeda has historically been better organized and effective than some guy mixing together a couple of chemicals he had strapped to his leg, suggesting that this particular lunatic may have nothing to do with any transnational terror syndicate?
Yutsano
Hmm…at what point do we bother to point out to Hoekstra that the Obama administration just authorized a bombing run on an Al-Qadea hideout in Yemen? Or would that interfere with his
fundraising opportunityresponsible critcism of the White House?MattF
Rational argument is the thing you’re never going to get from the right. The wingers and neocons have a war psychosis– the rest of us, not so much. Normally this would be good for us and bad for them, rational is better, yadda yadda. But for some yet-to-be-determined reason, all the liberal-biassed news media keep going on and on about it.
kid bitzer
terrorists are very weak and powerless people who have found an awesome force-multiplier:
self-terrorizing wing-nuts.
the next time i get a paper-cut, i’m going to tell a wing-nut that i think maybe a brown person looked at me funny.
the first wing-nut will pass this on as a “foiled terrorist stabbing attack”.
the second will say that all paper should be banned from international flights, toilet paper included.
and pete hoekstra will say that terrorists attempted to decapitate everyone in chicago.
Bubblegum Tate
@JenJen:
They sure do sound disappointed. That’s not really a surprise, though–they’ve been itching for a good terror attack since, oh, Inauguration Day.
Yutsano
BTW I love how he uses a selective quote to diss a selective quote by Think Progress. Nice logic there buddy boy.
4tehlulz
@Ash: And that failure to materialize gives Mr. King a sad.
General Winfield Stuck
@Adam Collyer:
Terrorism and scaring people shitless is all they have left. I mean, who is going to listen to their brilliant economic theories after what we’ve been through, or for starting justified wars and running them competently afterward.
They are fucked, except for scaring people, from overseas hordes of swarthy killers who want to eat their babies, to blathering about the coming Soviet Amerika.
And if you look at current polling, they are getting somewhere, at least with the stoopid and fearful among us.
Silver Owl
We here in Michigan do not deserve the bat chit crazy lying manipulative arse Hoekstra.
White conservatives are so far beyond sane and normal these days nothing they say can be taken as credible let alone as respectable. They chose that path.
To be honest every wingnut prefaces everything with the proverbial “does this make my penis look limp?” or “Am I a man now?” with their every emotional meltdown.
I really do want sane mature white conservatives again. Are their genetics so tainted that it is beyond them to produce actual adults anymore?
Rick Massimo
It’s eye-rollingly “obvious” that all the brown people with the funny names are trying to kill us, and until you agree that we should invade and conquer all their countries (which we should be able to do quite easily because all people thirst for the freedom that only comes from Jeebus so actually we’ll be greeted with flowers and candy jjust like we were in Iraq) you’re clearly in favor of destroying America. Also.
I lost enough IQ points typing that sentence that I am now prepared to launch my Republican candidacy for Congress.
Joe Lisboa
Michigander here. Called Hoekstra’s office in Holland (Michigan) and called him out on this buffoonery. I even managed to get a crack in that he thinks he should address this because the flight in question had a layover in the Netherlands (Holland, amirite?). Too bad he won’t care because (a) he “represents” the fucking backwater bizarro-world that is western Michigan and I’m a lowly Detroiter and (b) he’s an ideological tool.
It still felt good to be able to leave him a message calling him out on this bullshit. It’s like the children are in charge sometimes, I swear.
Cat Lady
Wingnuts are thumb sucking bedwetters and the media are sensationalist scaremongers who need to fill air time. They’re both so predictable now and reliant on each other, you can set your watch to the action-reaction cycle. Pointing that out makes you pre-emptive I guess, because in the wingnut/MSM world there’s no self-awareness. That’s why you’re not a wingnut anymore, Cole. Too much stupid required.
Yutsano
@Joe Lisboa:
The children were in charge for eight long years. We’re gonna be paying for that for at least a generation.
Yutsano
So John in 22 comments all we seem to come up with is he’s talking out of his ass. You knew that of course you just wanted to give us a new plaything I know.
Unabogie
You know, it’s great to see the Wingularity displayed in full force, because Obama and Rahm didn’t fight for a public option using explosives tied to their legs, so all real Progressives should stay home in 2010 so Pete Hoekstra and James Inhofe can be put back in charge, because this will lead to Single Payer.
Or something.
Mr Furious
As somebody in the other thread pointed out, it’s clowns like Hoekstra who are “aiding and abetting” the terrorists by taking a failed incident and hyping it up for maximum fear and terror.
The stupid. It burns. Like a powdery substance in my pants that I am desperately trying to ignite.
Joe Lisboa
Mr. Furious for the win. Well put.
Gwangung
@Yutsano: After the HCR tete te tetes, it probably is a relief for everyone tolet loose full bore on a common deserving target.
John O
Can someone please explain what Col. Mustard is talking about:
No.
SATSQ.
JenJen
Peter King, just now on CNN:
Apparently the President isn’t moving to the podium quickly enough for former Rep. King, and that’s probably because he’s lounging and loafing in that effete bubble known as the liberal island of Hawaii. Watching our fellow citizens drowning in New Orleans is an awful lot like hearing about some nutbar on an airplane lighting off a firecracker in his crotch, don’t you think? I mean, Peter King has a point here.
Laertes
Be sure to check out the comments over there. The bit aboutHolland is priceless.
CalD
Why do you hate America?
Guster
Okay, John, you asked.
Not _That_ JC wrote: “By now you have heard there was an incident on a plane headed to Detroit.”
It wasn’t an ‘incident,’ you pantywaist! It was a potentially successful Christmas massacre.
Not _That_ JC wrote: “I’m not going to speculate about what happened because the reports are all over the place…”
‘All over the place?’ So Not _That_ JC is either saying that the American heartland is nowhere at all, or that it is ‘reporting’ to him. Are they even reporting? No! They’re _projecting_. Motherfucker.
Not _That_ JC wrote: “… and I do not want to minimize the seriousness of it …”
In all honestly, I think the way you’re minimizing the seriously of this virtually successful catastrophe is deeply immoral.
Not _That_ JC wrote: ” … but I will state that I think we all know the kind of media freak-out we are about to have over this event.”
‘Freak-out?’ Is _anyone_ going to say the obvious? Is _anyone_ in your precious media going to CONNECT THE DOTS? A _black Muslim from Kenya_ just tried to massacre 7,000 Christians. He _admitted_ he attended madrassas and knows Bill Ayers. WTF????????
Not _That_ JC wrote: “Peter King and the usual suspects are already running over people to get in front of cameras.”
Hoekstra! Hoekstra! Hoekstra!
You fucking liar.
General Winfield Stuck
Colonel Mustard is a big pussy and can suck on my Dijon.
MattR
@JenJen: And nobody criticized President Bush because it took him a few days to get New Orleans. People criticized him because it took a few days for food and water to make it to New Orleans.
John O
@JenJen:
I’m on a good six-month LOA from network or cable “news.” It’s been good for me.
I also have a good idea! Let’s let the POTUS handle everything!!!!
FSM.
JenJen
@MattR: Well, yeah. But Peter King doesn’t see it that way at all. I mean, the President IS IN HAWAII SURFING, you know?
Mr Furious
Credit Where Due: Part Deux — It was joe from Lowell in the Tinkerbell thread that pointed out Hoekstra’s folly.
John O
@Guster:
Dude, the potential was indeed there.
What your problem is that the “reality” isn’t, with the benefit of hindsight.
Fear sure does work good. Does anyone think an average American airline passenger isn’t going to thwart anything that was possible to thwart?
I’m a will-way guy.
kid bitzer
i’m trying to remember:
is guster genuinely a clueless winger, or is he a spoofer, and this one just misfired?
in either case, it just failed to be very amusing. no points on the funny-board.
JenJen
@JenJen: Too late to edit, but, oh, wait… Peter King is a current Congressman? Jeebus. Sorry, America.
You almost have admire the way he inserted the name of The Great Ronald Reagan while shredding the President for being in Hawaii. This guy should be named the Congressman Meritas Permatus e tu Largesse Non Sequitur, es, tu, e pluribus unum or something.
4tehlulz
@Guster: 0/10
MattR
Future historians looking back at this time period are gonna have a heckuva job trying to figure out which idiotic quotes, and their speakers, deserve highlighting and which will be lost to the sands of time (to the relief of their descendants).
Guster
Good lord! Tough crowd. I liked the Muslim from Kenya bit myself.
Violet
Gawd, I can’t even imagine how awful flying is going to be with these new restrictions. F*cking terrorists.
As for this nonsense, Greater Wingnuttia gets a hard on anytime there’s some sort of terrorist attack – thwarted or otherwise. And you’re basically telling them their pen!s isn’t big enough. They don’t like that. That’s all this is about.
DonBelacquaDelPurgatorio
Goddam. That’s almost as scary as a crazyass piece of Republican white trash from South Carolina.
No wonder we are all supposed to be shivering in our boots.
John O
Peak Wingnut is not all that different than peak Moron.
It’s coming, but like Obama-change, it comes slow.
Gwangung
@MattR: Theyre gonna h
have a hard time distinguishing the crazy wingnuts from the elected officials.
Steeplejack
@John Cole:
Forget what he’s trying to say. What the hell is his job description? Can someone explain to me what a “clinical professor of law” is?
That said . . .
. . . WTF?! I have not seen anything linking the Fort Hood shootings to Al Queda activities–in Yemen or elsewhere. It’s just that that particularly crazy gunman–of which we have about one every three or four months in this country, I note–happened to be a dreaded Muslim and had allegedly been talking some Muslim smack. I won’t even bother to check if Colonel Mustard detected long-range geopolitical implications when one of the other crazies blew up, like the guy at the Holocaust Museum or the guy who shot the “abortion doctor.” I am sure he did not.
kid bitzer
@42–
okay, sorry not to be more appreciative. comedy is hard.
Guster
@kid bitzer: The worst thing? I write comedy professionally. (But that was most an explanation, not a joke. Hyperbolic, but I think fundamentally correct.)
Nutella
@John O:
But it wasn’t “average American airline passenger” who thwarted the Underwear Bomber. It was one of those effete, wimpy Europeans who, according to CNN, leaped over four rows of seats to beat down the bomber while the American passengers screamed.
John O
@Guster:
I’m sorry, honestly, but funnier to me was, “The worst thing…”
Yes.
Guster
@John O: Yeah! Do no pick on me!
Keith G
My guy is ex military. He does not spend a lot of time on blogs and related pursuits. We were discussion the Detroit story and I pointed out some of the conservative reaction to this event. After a long pause this laconic fellow observed, “These folks are none to bright.”
The point being that unlike 8 years ago, there are a lot of more knowledgeable and with-it people who are ready, willing and able to be thoughtful and logical about this. Republican attempts to herd us with fear will be exponentially more difficult.
Thadeus Horne
@Guster: It may have gone over their heads.
SIA aka ScreamingInAtlanta
@Laertes: I got as far as this and had to stop:
Ummm. O-kay.
demimondian
Pithy and to the point.
gnomedad
@Steeplejack:
Maybe it means something like “certifiable”.
SIA aka ScreamingInAtlanta
@Laertes: I got as far as this and had to stop:
Ummm. O-kay.
MattR
I assume I am not the only one who had this pop into their head.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0
John O
@SIA aka ScreamingInAtlanta:
LOL, SIA.
Nice handle, Screaming!
Annie
@JenJen:
They are disappointed. This ruined Lynn Cheney’s Christmas….
arguingwithsignposts
Smudge. even the liberal JC would approve. SOME JESUS BUTTON!
ETA: so i have to take off the belt and the shoes. Now what will it be?
KyCole
I just got home from visiting my parents in Pennsylvania. I had to take a NW flight from State College to Detroit to connect with a NW flight to Louisville. I guess nobody at the airport had heard of this terrorist because it was business as usual, and there were no bomb sniffing dogs or strip searches and I still got my crappy bag of mini pretzels.
NobodySpecial
I love this:
No, maybe if the shitty people you supported from jump had done their fucking jobs and listened to the people reporting to them instead of not doing their homework and telling people ‘Good job, you’ve covered your ass’ when they tell you about threats, we could have prevented the 9/11 attacks.
But Republicans are never never never at fault for anything, right?
What. A. Dick. I hope he dies in a pants fire.
HRA
@JenJen:
“But the President, above all, is a great communicator. To realize what President Reagan always did… the country looks for a voice of strength and reassurance, especially with the President being in Hawaii at a time like this. Listen, think of all the criticism President Bush took because it took him several days to get down to New Orleans, after Katrina, so people do look to the President.” from Peter King
Yeah, we know what Reagan did … he almost ruined us financially.
Yeah, Bush sat back on a fly over NO.
After all the years in the Congress, King doesn’t know the WH goes with a president everywhere? How do these idiots get elected?
John, anyone who has read your blog knows this attack is baseless.
SIA aka ScreamingInAtlanta
You guys crack me up.
kid bitzer
@63
“I hope he dies in a pants fire.”
diapf.
that could catch on. (like wildfire. or possibly a pants fire.)
Ming
@Guster: It made me laugh, anyways. thanks! :)
I am hoping the Feds will not be stupid enough to start rubbing everyone’s inner thighs in airport security in a desperate attempt to achieve complete safety, when any terrorist with two brain cells to rub together will know to pick some completely other kind of target that we’re not watching. barn door/horse, fighting the previous war, etc.
a security person i know calls it “security theater.”
BR
Obligatory Bruce Schneier post about the security theater of it all:
http://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2009/12/separating_expl.html
Hob
@Steeplejack: Law students have “clinic” placements where they get hands-on experience doing pro bono representation for needy clients, or working for various parts of the court system, etc. A clinical professor teaches students in that setting. I don’t envy this guy’s students.
asiangrrlMN
Wah wah wah wah liberaleffetesockulist John Cole wah wah wah bigbrawnyW.-n-Cheney wah wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
At least, that’s what it sounded like to me.
John O
At the risk of hoping only 99.999% of all terrorists DON’T read this (and the real hope that no terrorists read this), as per the logic of DP on the DP, and maybe…Cassidy?…if I was a terrorist I’d just march into a small Midwest town and massacre everyone.
Terror is the violence equivalent of slapstick, violence being to political statements as slapstick is to comedy.
Steeplejack
@Hob:
Thanks for the explanation. And, yeah, I feel for this guy’s students.
Ripley
Kinda OT but mostly not, Sully seems to have taken the cue from the Unsuccessful Attempted Near-Massacre Incident to get his race-baiting on in a major way. Yeesh. Scan the first several items on his blog.
I enjoy the guy’s writing for the most part, even when I think he’s full of shit, but his predictable phases of total self-unawareness are something to behold. Guess we can look forward to Bell Curve 2: Patriotic Bugaloo very soon.
Peter J
@Yutsano:
After reading his writings, I’m certain that I’ve diagnosed what’s wrong. His brain had an insurgency and part or most of it is trying to get out through his ass.
I’m willing to bet my degree in medicine from the Bill Frist university on it.
Snarki, child of Loki
It seems that one result is to prevent passengers from having anything on their laps during the final hour of flight. How that affects “lap kids”, I’m not sure. Perhaps they go in the overhead.
Because, of course, incompetent wannabe terrists could ONLY ignite fireworks in their pants during the last hour of flight. Anything else is inconceivable.
Martin
@John O:
In a cathartic effort following 9/11, my dad and I challenged each other to invent the longest list of possible terrorist acts. We came up with over a hundred between us – from ones that were rumored during 9/11 itself like fire trucks loaded with explosives responding to emergencies to flying a private plane over LA during Santa Anas dropping molotov cocktails to just walking into Mall of America with an assault rifle (which you might just be able to buy in the Mall of America).
Honestly, there are so many really pretty low-tech acts of terrorism that would clog up CNN for a week, that if there was any real threat we would sure as hell know about it. It’s just too easy to do.
The Republic of Stupidity
Geez, back when I was a kid (siiiiiiiigh… the 70’s…) ‘a fire in my pants’ was code for ‘horny ‘n hopin’ ta git laid’…
Where did the innocence go?
scudbucket
@NobodySpecial: I agree, this was special:
I just recall how breaking down that barrier led to the executive pressuring the intelligence community to build a case to support a policy, the yellow-cake fiasco at the SOTU, enhanced interrogation to find an AQ presence in Iraq to justify the war, all that. Good times. But don’t forget: 9/11 was really Clinton’s fault.
burnspbesq
@West of the Cascades:
The truly scary part is that he’s a clinical associate prof. That means he’s responsible for two things: (1) teaching actual lawyering skills as opposed to substantive and theoretical aspects of law and (2) supervising students in providing legal services, typically to indigents.
Say a prayer for the poor of Ithaca, for they are well and truly fooked.
NobodySpecial
@scudbucket:
True, although you could divide the blame equally between Clinton and Clinton’s penis, in their world. And don’t forget, Clinton was succeeded in office by Obama according to them.
Veritas78
I think we need to accept that the wingnuts are not “America,” nor are they patriotic, or brave, or anything resembling the best traits of our ancestors. They seem to be a pack of panicked pansies (and, as a gay man, I can say that).
They have no confidence that our nation has the strength to: try terrorists under our normal legal system; confront terrorists without stripping all of us of our rights; and, keep living our lives, regardless of the crap.
Un-American? I think we now know who doesn’t have the stones. Dick Cheney is the reigning “Most Frightenable Man in the USA”, and now every other wannabe vies for his title. King and Hoekstra are doing their best, but we can defeat them with their own fear.
Mike in NC
Yeah, but tune in on Sunday for the real-time fellatio action by the likes of David Gregory and George Stephanopolous.
cleek
who the fuck is “Col Mustard”, and who the fuck gives a loose shit what he thinks ?
The Republic of Stupidity
Perhaps ‘taking it seriously’ when your top security advisor issues a warning entitle “Bin Ladin Determined to Strike Inside US” might have helped…
Veritas78
Plus, their hair-trigger response teams make Hoekstra, King, Bachmann, Palin, Inhofe, Boehner, McConnell, and many other wingnuts quite vulnerable to carefully thought-out “opportunities”. Which could say far more about them than they would care for the public to know.
Just sayin’. Also.
Mr Furious
@NobodySpecial:
Awesome.
scudbucket
@ John Cole: John, did you see Avatar? Or what?
asiangrrlMN
@scudbucket: Or what. He wimped out at the lines, went home and watched the b-ball game.
bago
@Mr Furious: Just remember that NobodySpecial was crapping their pants earlier over having to walk near the place where some dude killed another dude 30 years ago.
bago
@bago:Look. I know harping on this fact make me look like a self important git, but the point remains that this is the exact fear that is exploited to advance state sanctioned atrocities.
Yutsano
@burnspbesq: You know the old saying: “Those who can do…”
Anne Laurie
It’s a Blackadder level of dogwhistle… you, John “Quisling Turncoat Traitor” Cole, are “obviously” minimizing the very serious seriousness of the RBU’s Assault on America. Nice try, libtard! ! ! The loyal upstanding patriots of Real America(tm) shall not be led astray by your logic-chopping talk of ‘buffoons setting their own underpants on fire’ and ‘other buffoons pre-emptively wetting theirs’! Patriotic Americans(tm) know that only mutual pants-pissing can deter the forces of Al-Qaida and its fellow boogeymonsters, who are so numerous & insidious that they can throw endless waves of shoe-fumblers and underwear-igniters at us! And the fact that they have so far failed to do so (successfully, at least) only proves that the mediagenic promotion of the Mutual Pantspissing Deterrent is mighty and triumphant!…
(Of course, it looks retarded to you, and to the rest of us with functional IQs, but we’re not the target here.)
Anne Laurie
@NobodySpecial:
Diet Coke, meet monitor. You, sir or madam, win tonight’s internetz.
@cleek:
Thanks for the reminder — I added the link to the Lexicon (remember Dijongate, last summer?).
Redhand
The BJ Lexicon, a useful tool. I too wondered “who the fuck is Col Mustard.”
Mister Colorful Analogy
@Corner Stone:
Oh, come ON…I can’t be the only one who thought of this when I read your comment.
Right? Anyone? Anyone? *crickets*
(AWS, now might be an excellent time for a Smudge pic…just sayin’)
Mr. Wonderful
@94 Anne Laurie–
Lovely. Somebody put it to music. And I don’t even know what RBU stands for.
TJ
John,
Personally I think his nick name should be: “Prof.Cornell Mustard”.