This will upset some of the female commentariat here:
Rahm Emanuel once said of Peter R. Orszag, the bespectacled economist who is President Obama budget director, “He’s made nerdy sexy.” So perhaps the White House chief of staff won’t be surprised to learn that Mr. Orszag got engaged over lunch today to the ABC News correspondent he began dating six months ago, Bianna Golodryga.
Looks like “the Calculator” got himself engaged.
MikeJ
Jake Tapper is probably pouting now. Just a year ago he was the one who got to fellate the administration.
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
This is good news for McCain!
slag
Weird. I totally thought he was gay. Oh well. Still nerdy.
J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford
And she’s a babe!
J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford
Let’s try that again…she’s a babe.
stevie314159
Three point one four one five nine.
Cosine, secant, tanget sine.
Two, four, six, eight,
We know how to integrate!
Go Nerds.
(and she’s hot hot hot)
Punchy
I hope she hyphenates her name, cuz “Golodryga-Orszag” sounds like a sneeze.
Which is cool.
slag
@J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford: But hopefully, she’s smarter than the average ABC News reporter.
joeyess
Well, it’s good to see that the village tradition of incestual press relationships continue unabated.
Max
How great that he did it over lunch. No time for fancy dinners or romantic weekends for this administration.
Swoon.
The Dangerman
@slag:
Doesn’t matter; she’s smokkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkin’
beabea
Getting engaged over lunch, on a Monday?
I do hope the Golodryga-Orszag wedding will have a bit more zing. Especially since I’m sure they’ll be obligated to invite some of the DC cocktail weenie set. You don’t want those people tut-tutting in their columns, about your wedding having been boring.
tim
More incestuous government-media inbreeding. They’ll fit in well at Village soirees.
valdivia
yes I am upset. off to the corner to cry.
beltane
Nothing against Orzag, but I definitely do not consider him even remotely sexy. I guess if I had been into the nerdy, well-paid guys, my life would have been a little easier.
Anyways, congratulations to Peter Orzag and his bride to be. May they share a long and happy life together.
Dork
@J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford: Wow, she is. She reminds me of that dark-haired harlot from CNBC, Erin Burnett.
Exotic sexy + great choppers + DSLs = hottie boombalattie
Ailuridae
If ‘The Calculator’ wins out over Arvid for Orszag’s nickname around these parts I would be exceptionally disappointed.
Gravenstone
@beabea:
Screw that, elope! That’d be the ultimate fuck you to the Village social set. “We don’t need your approval, we have each other”.
phantomist
Bianna Golodryga
anagram=Abandon Royal Gig
I guess he’s quitting.
ThatLeftTurnInABQ
@beabea:
Cue the reality TV wanna-be wedding party crashers in 3,2,1…
J. Michael Neal
@Dork:
Fixed. Erin Burnett is the *red*-haired harlot from CNBC. Also smokin’ hot. I know my CNBC eye candy. These are the things you learn on a trading floor, where that damned network is on 43 overhead TVs all day, every day.
Ailuridae
@tim:
Maybe the Village will stop ignoring when something is deficit neutral now that Arvid is one of them
Osprey
Guess we now know that big bulge in Orszag’s pants wasn’t just his glass case.
He’s probably into some kinky BDSM involving whips and saddles (almost went with wetsuits…but didn’t want to be too cliche).
Kevin Phillips Bong
Hubba. Her, not so much him.
beabea
@Gravenstone
Great idea. Not to mention the utter shock among the Villagers. Hoocoodanode the Calculator would do something so edgy!!
Plus elopement is way cheaper. For an economist, the whole idea is just full of win.
Demo Woman
Even the grouch looks like he’s drooling.
Congrats to Peter and Bianna!
Gwangung
Um. She is hot (and what made it for me was her posewith the Muppet).
Bruce (formerly Steve S.)
As a business/economics correspondent she will obviously have to move to another news specialty due to the conflict of interest. I expect that will happen immediately and that we won’t hear another word out of her regarding economic policy.
J. Michael Neal
@Gwangung:
Hot, but not extremely so. Too scrawny. If the widest part of your arm is the elbow, you need to put on some weight.
Anya
@J. Michael Neal: I don’t find Maria Bartiromo, hot at all. In fact I think she is unattractive or at least her face is. She is also an idiot so maybe that makes her even less attractive. But what do I know, I am not a dude or a lesbian so maybe I am totally wrong about her attractiveness.
Ailuridae
@Bruce (formerly Steve S.):
Thank FSM that my snark detector is working
Violet
@Anya:
I think Maria Bartiromo used to be hot back in the dotcom ’90’s, but her lips now look larger than the rest of her face. She just looks very odd.
Congrats to these two. She’s definitely a looker, although I think she’s a bit scrawny too.
Who gets engaged at lunch on a Monday? Weird.
eemom
it seems this is yet another case of a, um, “babe” (female) hooking up with a dork (male).
Why do babe-ish men never hook up with dorky women?
The Moar You Know
Somewhat OT: Orly Taitz, heartbreaker.
I laughed until I cried. I’ve never read anything so pathetic in my life.
Dave Herman
@Demo Woman:
Shame! Don’t you know the difference between Oscar and Grover?
J. Michael Neal
@Anya: I tend to agree on Bartiromo, but chose to bend to the popular wisdom in this case. Erin Burnett, on the other hand, really is smokin’ hot. Not much brighter than Bartiromo, I grant, but I can live with that for a short, cheap fling until I can find someone more interesting.
Gwangung
@J. Michael Neal: Ah well, I tend to like them on the skinny side (which is going to get me in trouble from the female side, knowing the all consuming pressure to be thin in this society)
slag
@The Dangerman:
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Dork
@J. Michael Neal: I did mean Erin Burnett, but I guess I’m too freakin’ dazzled at her looks to focus on her keratin hues. Red hair, you say? I will
pleasurelook myself tomorrow.Annie
After dating a lot of “studs” in my lifetime, I have to say that Nerdy guys with jobs rock…..
Gwangung
@J. Michael Neal: Hmm there was the one woman who used to cover oil…classic blonde but always gave me the impression she was a high class call girl on the side.
valdivia
is this a thread where a girl can get some sane email and dating advice from the community?
Rey
I give the marriage 18 mos tops.
Congrats, anyway!
kay
@beltane:
I don’t either. I can’t bear his voice. I think I might end up mimicking him when he wasn’t around, and that wouldn’t end well.
He seems very smart and I’m sure he’s a perfectly good budget director, and they are a lovely couple, but I couldn’t listen to him for any extended period. I’d go crazy.
Brachiator
Her name sounds like the heroine in a James Bond movie.
Seanly
@Bruce (formerly Steve S.):
Why? Andrea Mitchell aka Mrs. Alan Greenspan never mentioned her conflict of interest when breathlessly reporting on the next Republican economic fist-fucking of the poor and middle class.
Maude
@valdivia: Not unless you’re a hottie.
valdivia
@Maude:
LOL. hmm. isn’t that the kind of thing others can say about you but you usually don’t think about yourself?
Punchy
Fire away.
/quickly scans Ms. Manners column for something witty to say
Maude
@valdivia: Step up to the plate and go for it. Nothing wrong in stating the truth.
You start with: I can’t help it if I’m beautiful…
Maybe General could come up with a few good lines.
Violet
@valdivia:
Ask away! No guarantees about sanity in the responses, though.
@Dork:
Erin Burnett has dark hair. Link for pic to what I guess is a fansite ? Ick.
Aaron
Yet more proof of the incestuous nature of DC.
And another victory for the man centered maleocracy!
;)
Gravenstone
@The Moar You Know: Um, that’s performance art, right? Please, please, please tell me that’s not a genuin human being behind those words, speaking genuine (to him) thoughts?
Violet
From the Erin Burnett fansite bio:
Limbaugh loves her! She must be a good little wingnut.
J. Michael Neal
@Dork: Never mind. I’m not sure who I was thinking of, since Burnett didn’t join CNBC until after I left Citigroup and no longer had to watch that network every day. Maybe Liz Claman.
valdivia
@Maude:
oh no way. I really really cannot be the judge of that.
@Violet:
ok with your encouragement I am going to ask–
3 years or so at a party I met a guy, very very hot, smart, nerdy, politically progressive. you get my drift. we spoke for a good 30 minutes and then a good friend of his and mine stepped in to tease him about paying of much attention to me given he was married. I later told our mutual friend that it was really too bad this guy was married cause I really dug him. Fast forward to a couple of weeks back. I get a call from this friend who tells me this guy is now divorced and was asking about me. To make a long story short after a round of go betweens by our mutual friend I emailed the guy and he wrote back. I wrote back. He wrote back. Very clever and funny back and forth. But he does seem to be in a fragile state because of the divorce (I am actually not sure what stage of the divorce they are at sincerely) . I guess my question about this would be more for the men in here: I tend to not play games in situations like this, I like you I write to you, I talk to you I want to see you. But I wonder if given the state he is in I should be playing it much much cooler than my usual self and/or upping the coyness factor. The last thing I want is to scare him off, break ups and divorces are very difficult specially if one has not dated in 15 years. Any sage words of advice?
[secretly praying to the FSM this man doesn’t read this blog!]
J. Michael Neal
@valdivia:
I’m not sure that I would come to this crowd for dating advice, or anything that requires sanity. With those two caveats, go ahead.
valdivia
@J. Michael Neal:
too late I already asked. But please feel free to dole out the advise. I particularly need a male perspective.
Maude
@J. Michael Neal: Thank you for all your posts about things financial. Also the insurance info. I learned a lot and your writing is clear and easy to understand.
I did temp work down in Wall Street many moons ago. I never saw so many tense people in my life.
I don’t know how you survived that time, but I’m glad you’re here.
Liz Claman has a great sense of humor.
J. Michael Neal
@valdivia:
Uhm, my answer would be to go ahead, but I clearly have next to no ability to figure out what works in these sorts of situations, since I’m divorced, haven’t been on a date in 15 years, and can’t figure out what to do about it, so take anything I say, and do the opposite.
Unless, of course, you mean me, given that I match every part of your description except for the very, very hot part. Of course, since I don’t post under a pseudonym, one would presume that you wouldn’t have asked here in that case.
J. Michael Neal
@Maude:
I made it 18 months and, quite literally, just barely survived. If I’d had to do it actually *on* Wall Street, rather than our offices in Minnetonka, I wouldn’t have lasted that long. Thank you for the compliments.
Maude
@valdivia: He needs at least 18 months to recover. Just be yourself and if you want him as a friend first, that would be the way to go.
You can explain that you are sensitive to his divorce.
Play it by ear. You’ll know what to do.
Don’t ask B.O.B. for advice.
Good luck and enjoy yourself.
Gravenstone
@valdivia: Communicate your observations here about him to him. You are interested but concerned that he’s either too emotionally fragile just now, given the short time passed since his divorce? Or perhaps you’re thinking he might (subconsciously) be looking for a rebound and isn’t really ready to settle into a prospective serious relationship? In either case, you’ve settled on common ground and mutual interest. The rest is really going to depend on open communication.
As you’ve no doubt experienced here, written communication can be wonderful and deep, but it can also easily lead to misunderstandings so clarity is always of the essence.
Good luck.
Violet
@valdivia:
Hmm….sounds like a good guy with possibly not so good timing. Can you ask your mutual friend any details about this guy’s situation? Is he really divorced, how long, how it came about, kids, etc.? If it happened yesterday because his wife had an affair with the gardener and she’s keeping the kids from him, you might have someone a lot more fragile on your hands than if they just grew apart, it’s been almost a year and no kids, etc.
If you can’t ask the friend, can you ask the guy?
How you act depends on the situation. If it’s like situation A above (recent/messy), then definitely be more cautious. If it’s more like situation B above (mutual/been awhile), then jump on in.
Men really aren’t that complicated. If he’s asked about you and is talking to you, he likes you. But whether he can put the level of interest and commitment into the relationship that you want or need is another story. So you might decide to keep things low key until you figure out where you stand.
Probably more than you asked for, but my 0.02.
valdivia
@J. Michael Neal:
big big grin. actually you seem to be the perfect person for me to ask this question to and do exactly as you say not the opposite. so do you mean I should just go ahead and be my typical snarky incandescent self or to pull it back a bit?
In regards to not knowing what to do: I simply don’t play games (you know the don’t write back right away, wait 2 days to call back etc etc) because it seems silly but that doesn’t always work out very well eh? In this case at least it’s not a fully blind set up since we did meet before and sort of struck each other in some way. In general friends are good meeting other people resources but not always.
Last but not least–if you ever need female advise I am here, same caveat about sanity and all.
becca
I’ve never had a thing for Orszag
Rahm, on the other hand…
valdivia
@Gravenstone:
@Maude:
thanks both of you. I am definitely into communication–open and lots of it. This is just the beginning of that dance so as soon as I feel we are on more solid ground I will definitely broach the subject. My biggest problem is that i am not very good with the prudence thing.
Violet
@valdivia:
It sounds like you are a direct person by nature. Then be direct with him – ask him where he is, like Gravenstone said above. What you do will depend on what you want and what he can give.
Just be true to yourself. If you really, really like him but decide to “just be friends” while he sorts himself out, you can end up getting burned when he runs off with someone else once he’s recovered. In that case you’ve just been the crutch.
OTOH, waiting for a guy to figure himself out worked for my cousin. Now they’re happily married with kids. Every situation is different.
valdivia
@Violet:
no no this is exactly what I am looking for thanks. As I said above my biggest problem is that if I like a guy I don’t usually know how to reign it in (ok this does not mean I am up his ass all the time, just to make it clear!). I also seem to have come without a prudence gene.
Our mutual friend did not have many details and since we just started talking I felt I would let him open up and tell me when he was ready. I know there are kids, I think 2, but I don’t know the ages, probably under 10 or right around there. He was very clear that he thought his life right now was ‘messy’ and that he may not be great company so probably good for me to take it easy. It would be good to know what happened but I guess I will need patience for that too. And I should drill into my head: what’s the hurry right?
J. Michael Neal
@valdivia:
I’d probably pull back the snarkiness a bit, but that’s because I’m pretty timid as soon as the possibility of romance gets started. I’m too inclined to think that snarkiness means you don’t like me, even though there’s no rational reason to leap to that conclusion. I’d start with being friendly and expressing interest honestly. Once you convince me you really do like me, then I’m more in tune to the snark.
I appreciate the promptness in getting back, particularly if you *don’t* want to go on a date. The last couple of times things have started to get off the ground, the woman has all of a sudden stopped returning my e-mails/greetings in class. After a week of that, I can figure out that she isn’t really interested, but it would have spared me some stress if you’d just said that. It might have spared her some, as well, since getting another e-mail from me asking when would be a good time to go get coffee can’t be all *that* enjoyable an experience.
J. Michael Neal
@valdivia:
Oh, then you obviously don’t mean me. Whew.
burnspbesq
@valdivia:
You have to be who you are. But be patient with this guy; it may take some time for him to be ready to date again. Fear of dating keeps a lot of bad marriages going well past their sell-by dates.
Max
@valdivia: My advice… RUN.
I have dated 3 guys in the process of, or just coming out of a divorce and its been a nightmare.
You will spend hours hearing about the ex and what she did or didn’t do right, or, you’ll have to deal with the child custody, or him needing someone to take care of him, i.e. meals and laundry.
However, sometimes the sex can be really hot, especially if the ex was a prude.
Violet
@valdivia:
If he says his life is messy and there are young kids…it is MESSY. Even in the most amicable of divorces, that kind of thing is tricky to figure out how to manage, especially initially. That’s not to say you can’t make it work, but he’s got to figure out how to deal with divorced dad guilt and any other guilt that might go along with how the divorce happened (especially if he was at fault ).
Life is messy, so those things aren’t necessarily big warning sirens that say, “Run away! Run away!” But they certainly are yellow caution lights.
Definitely proceed with caution. He’s used to being married (unless they’ve been apart for awhile) and his definition of how a relationship works is within the parameters of his marriage – that’s his recent experience and could be his only experience for a decade or so. He’s got to relearn how to date. It’s complicated.
You can definitely have fun with him, but don’t raise your expectations too early. And keep in mind that you could end up being the rebound girl. Keep your powder dry until you decide if you want to be rebound girl or not. Maybe you’re better off just being a friend and letting someone else be rebound girl. And then you can be the one after that.
valdivia
@J. Michael Neal:
yes thanks for this. I do think being direct and yourself works best I guess my worry as I said above is that I lack prudence sometimes and get exuberant and don’t know hot to/feel the need to disguise it. And just to clarify: I am snarky not about him about politics which seems to be his mode too. I too don’t know how to read personal snark once romance is in the picture.
that sucks, I really don’t know why people do this. I have gone on quite a few first dates and even if I didn’t particularly liked the guy I sent a thank you email and made it clear I thought things just would not work out. why do anything else? I also don’t like when people pretend to be into you and act enthusiastically and then poof disappear. weird.
Ruemara
I think he also had a WoW account. My heart, she is breaking. I many never love again.
valdivia
@J. Michael Neal:
lol. you know, if it was about you I would have asked you directly ;-) that’s the kind of girl I am.
Violet
@J. Michael Neal:
She doesn’t tell you directly she doesn’t want to go on another date or have coffee or whatever because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings that directly. And she doesn’t want to feel like a heel in doing so. So she hopes that you’ll pick up on the signals of her not returning messages, etc. It’s not exactly direct or straightforward, but it’s not uncommon either.
@valdivia:
That’s so polite! And I think it’s kind of unusual. I always thought the lack of contact meant they weren’t interested. No need to spell it out.
valdivia
@Max:
Yeah I get that. I actually have done men in divorce mode (I would say even more but I am afraid that will get me censured here since i am not really very proud of it) so I know all the evils that come with it. But this is the first time I am not directly connected to the process and I am coming in as an outsider so I feel its a but different. Again I think I have to figure out where he is really at and what happened and I guess probably figure out if he know who he is eh? They come out being different people at the other end of it.
The biggest problem is that he is teh hawt and I am not very good at prudence, as I keep saying. [runs away blushing]
Brachiator
Go for it. Life is too short to play by rules. You seem to know yourself, and the guy expressed an interest in you.
You know some of his situation, so you know that you may have to see where he is with respect to his marriage, possible divorce.
And a date, even a few, ain’t the same thing as an engagement.
eemom
@valdivia:
“my biggest problem is that if I like a guy I don’t usually know how to reign it in . . .”
I’ve been that way myself and I would suggest caution. Even if he’s the greatest guy on earth, being in the middle of a divorce with two little kids is a huge emotional maelstrom for anybody.
Also, you should be alert to the possibility that maybe he isn’t the greatest guy on earth. Sounds like you have no idea what the divorce is about…….but you do know he actively flirted with you while he was still married. There could be lots of reasonable explanations for that, but it’s still at least a red flag, imo.
But, sometimes a red flag is just a flag. Hope it works out for you, and if it doesn’t, that the real greatest guy on earth is just around the corner.
Annie
@valdivia:
What’s the hurry? My thoughts exactly. Just enjoy the friendship. You may even decide at some point that he is not for you. Relax and again enjoy having another person in your life. He will appreciate the fact that you are not putting any pressure, as I think the last thing he needs is more pressure. He probably needs someone in his life that he can relax with.
I met my husband when he was going through a divorce. He was extremely confused — kids involved…We became friends. I knew right away that I adored the guy, but he was not in the same space. Not having much patience myself, it took a lot of my inner strength to not press for something to soon. That would not have been fair on my part. Unfortunately, we meet people and often we are in different places. The hardest thing is to put someone’s needs before our own. But, I did the smart thing. I was his friend first, and I bitched to my women friends about my need to want more. I never pressed him.
We just celebrated our 10th anniversary last week. I have to say having stepdaugthers is not easy. Something I wish we had discussed more before we got married — ie. my position in their upbringing. In 10 years, they are the only thing we have ever fought about.
Violet
@valdivia:
Ooooh! He’s teh hawt! Well, that changes things. LOL.
Seriously, you probably need to decide what you want. Do you want a few months of fun in the sack or the potential of something more? If all you want is the fun, then go for it. If you are looking for something more, then play it cool – at least until you know more about where he is with things.
Don’t forget – you’re in the drivers seat. You make the decisions for what you want.
valdivia
@Violet:
yes I think you are right. As I said to Max the thing is that I know he has to figure out what kind of relationship he wants and who he is now that he is single. I am happy being on the sidelines a bit and figuring out as things happen. Now about the fun or not part: hey a girl can try right? My sense is that he is a candidate for serious but who knows right? On paper things are one way and in person quite another.
Violet
@eemom:
This is a good point. Sometimes you meet people and you just have a connection and it’s not really flirting. You just connect. So maybe he wasn’t flirting. Or maybe he was.
The fact that he remembered you three years later definitely points to some kind of connection. I’m sure I met all kinds of people three years ago that I completely forgot I ever met.
See if you can find out more of where he is before you invest too much time in the whole thing.
gil mann
That, Firepups, is how you form an alliance with Grover.
valdivia
@Brachiator:
thanks. yes a few dates are not an engagement I guess the whole worry was that since he hasn’t dated in a while he would feel pressure about it. but taking it one step at a time and seeing where it goes it’s best.
@eemom:
yes I am in the no information zone which makes it hard. which reinforces the being careful and patient theme.
@Annie:
you are officially my inspiration. I think this will be the best frame of mind to keep if I can keep the ‘he is teh hawt’ thoughts under control ;-)
Max
@valdivia: I probably should have prefaced my remarks with… Every relationship I have is a disaster.
Although, the ones with the recently single guys have been more so than usual.
valdivia
@Violet:
Because I come from a latin culture we flirt a lot and not because we intend necessarily to go to bed with someone. So this may lead to my radar being off in my judgement that he wasn’t flirting. It was one of those moments when you are at a party and the person walks in and you both look at each other and just sort of recognize something in each other, feel the draw and physically find each other and begin to talk? that’s what it was. Then again nerdy people talk about brainy things that they are passionate about and that’s called flirting so maybe that was part of it too. I definitely thought he was very hot and was actively thinking it while talking to him.
valdivia
@Max:
LOL, were you and I separated at birth or something?
I should have clarified too that my 2 or 3 divorce related experiences did not end happily but they were not all equally bad and bad in different ways and they had its really great moments too. But when you get to the point you want something serious I guess one wants to tread carefully instead of just galloping into it without a care in the world and that’s where I am.
Max
@valdivia: Agreed.
I have also found that if a guy wants to get married, he should date me for a few months and he will marry the women he dates immediately after me.
5 ex-boyfriends have married the person right after me. And, it’s not just because of being marriage-age, these guys have ranged from 27 to 42.
Violet
@valdivia:
Yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes there’s just a connection. Flirting or not flirting – it’s there.
If you are at the point where you are starting to want something more serious, then definitely be cautious with this one. Make the effort to figure out where he is before diving in.
Also, don’t forget you can date other people too. He’s not the only fish in the sea and you don’t have to concentrate your effort on him. In fact, if you are seeing more people and having fun, if he wants something real with you, he’ll realize he’s got to act or he could lose you. I don’t mean that as it’s some kind of threat to him, but more of an energy thing. Even if you don’t tell him, he’ll pick up on the fact that you’re not totally hung up on him – if you’re not.
valdivia
@Max:
yes the horrors of dating. I have some stories, but they would necessitate much alcohol. I tend to date older (from the range you give) unfortunately that seems to not help either.
chrome agnomen
@valdivia:
you have got to be yourself in this situation, or the man that you attract will not be the man you can live with. if you scare him off by being yourself, you’d scare him off later if you caught him by not being yourself. if you’re direct by nature, be direct. if that frightens him away, it never would have lasted anyway.
just be yourself and let him be the judge of whether you are right for him. and if the timing seems too abrupt or rushed for him you will at least have your foot right in the door for when the time is right. it’s obvious that you made the right impression in only a half hour once upon a time.
valdivia
@chrome agnomen:
thanks for that this is how I feel but you have no idea how many female friends insist I should play the little games they play so i can ‘catch’ a guy. That seems idiotic to me you know? I do realize there is also a difference between being yourself and being too intense and I try to be careful with that.
I think I have to see how things develop if I need a take-it-easy intervention I know where to come now! you guys have been all awesome.
@Violet: lol. yes there definitely are many fish in the sea. this one just seems, based on that connection, to be a keeper.
Violet
@chrome agnomen:
This is so true. And great advice. There’s no point in being someone else just to “catch” a guy. What do you have once you’ve got him? Someone who thinks you’re not who you are. And that’s no good for either of you.
Be yourself, but just try not to be too intense too soon. Imagine yourself married for five or ten years – you won’t be that intense with your spouse at that time. No need to be that intense on the front end either.
Bruce (formerly Steve S.)
You’re right. Golodryga needs to quit her job and start having babies.
Mister Colorful Analogy
@valdivia:
Valdiva, having been that guy’s position before, I can offer quite a lot of advice in this area. However, I’m don’t want to put certain details about my life in the comments section. If you are interested in exchanging personal email about this topic, I will create a temporary email account, and post the address here.
To show you my sincerity, I would be willing to fax you my credentials or credenza. I could also send you a recording of the helicopters not laughing (I keep it on the shelf next to my picture of a polar bear in a blizzard).
Mr. CA
valdivia
@Mister Colorful Analogy:
look as long as the helicopters are not laughing I am good! I would really appreciate it. Let me know where to email you.
RedKitten
@valdivia: My advice would be to make sure he knows that you want to jump his bones, but that you want to wait until his head’s in the right place. That way, he knows pretty clearly that you don’t want to just be friends, but he also knows that you’re not going to be a rebound fling, either.
Guys, for the most part, tend to prefer directness to nuance when it comes to figuring out women. So be direct. Say, “I really like you a lot, and I want to be with you, but I want to wait until things have calmed down for you, because you are just in no position to be dating right now.”
And if you don’t say or do the right thing, sometimes it works out anyway. My early days with my now-husband were like a manual of what NOT to do. I had just ended a tumultuous relationship with a coworker when I met him, babbled nervously (about my ex-fiancé, no less!) during our date, and then wound up bringing him home. On our second date I got roaringly drunk on homemade wine, and ended up chasing him around my apartment, pantsless, throwing rolls of toilet paper at him because I thought it was funny. Eight years later, here we are. So try to relax a bit, too — sometimes, if it’s meant to be, it’s going to happen, no matter how badly you fuck up.
Gravenstone
@Max:
Didn’t they make a movie about you? =P
valdivia
@RedKitten:
loved your story. thanks for sharing it. this is the kind of thing that makes me hopeful and sure that if you are yourself and its meant to be it works out. I will work on the I want to jump your bones but not until your head is in the right space speech. Now if i could only work on my own discipline about it that would be even better.
Rey
Damn, I could have used this conversation about 2 weeks ago before I jumped, let’s say “booty” first into something I somewhat regret now. My dude is a divorced man with 2 kids but, they don’t live in the same city as we do. Xmas time the kids are in town to spend time with daddy- thank God because I can reflect on what I really want and I have a date with another guy friend this weekend, whom I really like but, we are just that- friends. To top all of this off, this guy at work today asked me out. I’m a women over 40 and having the time of my life when it comes to men right now. And to be honest I don’t want to pick one, I want them all….
JD Rhoades
@J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford:
Dayum.
valdivia
@Rey:
then I say you should keep them all. do you need to chose? as long as everyone is clear on what’s going on i don’t see why you shouldn’t. but that’s just me ;-)
Violet
@Rey:
Don’t pick. Why should you? Unless you really want to settle down or something. Life’s too short to be doing what you “should” be doing. Have fun.
Rey
@ valdivia
No, I don’t need to choose. No rush on my end- and everyone is clear about the fact that I have a life outside of just them.
bago
@Rey: The joys of experience.
RedKitten
@Rey: Enjoy it! And feel free to keep us posted, so that we married folks can live vicariously through you. ; )
Laura W
@RedKitten: Well that was certainly worth reading the whole thread for!
Laura W
@valdivia: As for you, I’m not making this up…I was just in the kitchen (getting more wine) when this came on XM Bridge. Every time I hear it now I think of you, which really pisses me off ‘cuz it used to make me think of me.
You’ve gotten some great support and advice here, and because I suck on this topic, (being far too similar to your style than I’ll ever go into in public), I’ll just say be your damn self. (And Max, you killed on this thread. Love your candor.)
RedKitten
@Laura W: Yeah, the story was probably a bit of an overshare, but it certainly illustrated my point. : )
valdivia
@Laura W:
well I always think of you when i hear that song wince we talked about it last time! And thanks. I really love all the advise I got and will be endeavoring to take it easy. In the meantime I can continue to drum my fingers wondering why the hell he hans’t emailed back yet. (just joking!)
Laura W
@valdivia: Sorry, I thought of this after I posted (on the toilet. You’re welcome.)
You are clearly brilliant, funny, caring, engaged, dynamic, responsive, passionate and a bunch of other really cool adjectives. And I only know you (like everyone on this thread) in print, from a cold, sterile computer screen.
This man has experienced you in the flesh and clearly felt a connection to you. I think you’ll be fine here. More than fine. Just try not to abandon yourself in the process. You really do rock, you know.
valdivia
@Laura W:
thanks for that Laura W. As I said at the beginning of the thread I am not one of those people who is always thinking: I am so great! so when i hear it from others it really touches me.
The abandon part is particularly on point for me I think, it’s what I need to rail in the hardest. But I am learning.
Joey Maloney
@The Moar You Know:
What. The. Fuck.
DougJ
I guess my question about this would be more for the men in here: I tend to not play games in situations like this, I like you I write to you, I talk to you I want to see you. But I wonder if given the state he is in I should be playing it much much cooler than my usual self and/or upping the coyness factor. The last thing I want is to scare him off, break ups and divorces are very difficult specially if one has not dated in 15 years. Any sage words of advice?
I would second what others have said: think of him as a friend for now. He’ll appreciate that when he becomes more available.
Mnemosyne
@RedKitten:
Oh, man. G and I had one really good date, then a (male, but platonic) friend of mine came to stay in my apartment for a week because he had to wrap up his father’s estate, which didn’t look good. G was pretty sure I was finding excuses to blow him off.
Second date he thought I was distant and surly until I explained that I’d had food poisoning the night before and was up until 3 am puking my guts out, but I really really wanted to see him so I didn’t cancel.
We had many chances to fuck it up but we managed to work through them and, 10 years later (4 years married), we’re still here. So, yeah, I have a certain belief in “if it’s meant to be, it’ll work out eventually.”
(Edited for clarity — too many “him”s.)
Laura W
@valdivia:
Aren’t we all, Sweetie? Aren’t we all?
valdivia
@DougJ:
thanks DougJ. I am going to try really hard to do that even if his hawtness sort of short circuits my brain. Must.Remain.Alert.
@Laura W:
tru dat.
Mister Colorful Analogy
@valdivia:
Sorry for the late response; left work around 8p, and have been tied up until now. Having quickly scanned the comments in this thread, I’d say you have received some great advice, but I imagine that you’ve found it contradictory in places.
If you’d still like to contact me, you can now email me using the three words of my nym formatted as follows: lowercase letters, no spaces, at gee mail dot com.
Looking forward to chatting with you.
Mr CA
valdivia
@Mister Colorful Analogy:
thanks. sent you an email.
Glocksman
Heh…
A buddy at work once told our smoking hot female boss after her marriage to a very overweight guy that ‘she gave hope to all of us fat guys everywhere’.
She just laughed and said ‘it’s not all about looks, you know’.
I will say that it gave some hope to this overweight guy. :)
IOW, when romance happens, it happens no matter the relative looks of the people involved.