Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Republicans: slavery is when you own me. freedom is when I own you.

I have other things to bitch about but those will have to wait.

It could be worse. Vance could have said “post-menopausal sows.” Waiting for that audiotape to surface.

The Giant Orange Man Baby is having a bad day.

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

People are complicated. Love is not.

Israel is using food as a weapon of war. Unforgivable.

Tide comes in. Tide goes out. You can’t explain that.

We will not go quietly into the night; we will not vanish without a fight.

Consistently wrong since 2002

Ron DeSantis, the grand wizard, oops, governor of FL.

Bark louder, little dog.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

Their boy Ron is an empty plastic cup that will never know pudding.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

A norm that restrains only one side really isn’t a norm – it’s a trap.

Shut up, hissy kitty!

Nikki Haley, who can’t acknowledge ‘slavery’, is a pathetic shill.

Let me file that under fuck it.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

If you voted for Trump, you don’t get to speak about ethics, morals, or rule of law.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Excellent Links / This Was Brilliant

This Was Brilliant

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Spencer Ackerman:

Umar Farouk “When There’s Nothing Left To Burn, You Must Set Your Crotch On Fire” Abdulmutallab is currently detained in a federal prison in Michigan. For now! In a few days he’ll use his Muslim heat vision to escape and run amok in Ann Arbor, shortly after America is brought to its knees by the force of his oratory in open federal court.

Why haven’t the usual suspects wet their pants at the notion of a terrorist mastermind unleashed on the population… from his jail cell?

Reader Interactions

155Comments

  5. 5.

    slag

    Why haven’t the usual suspects wet their pants at the notion of a terrorist mastermind unleashed on the population… from his jail cell?

    Their pants are still too soaked from all the other action over the last couple of days. Pants need time to dry out before they can wet them again.

  7. 7.

    Comrade Jake

    I’m pretty sure Larry Johnson was on PBS’ News Hour tonight, talking about technology that could detect balls on fire. Because he knows about that sort of thing.

    You think I’m joking, but I’m not.

  8. 8.

    Joshua Norton

    Doesn’t blowing up their own junk kind of cancel out that whole 72 virgin incentive?

    Silly muslins.

  9. 9.

    slag

    Also, do you get paid for every time I click on the Human Events ad in the sidebar or just the first time?

    I feel like spreading Human Events’ wealth around a little bit and was wondering if becoming a Marxist was as easy as clicking on Ann Coulter’s face.

  10. 10.

    Incertus

    Why haven’t the usual suspects wet their pants at the notion of a terrorist mastermind unleashed on the population… from his jail cell?

    Because Bush inherited 9/11 from Clinton and Orly Taitz says we should use our second amendment right to bare arms to gay marriage. Also.

  12. 12.

    The Grand Panjandrum

    I just hope Jonah doesn’t have to travel to that part of the country. Jesus, he barely survived a book tour related trek into that terrorist-laden land we call Massachusetts. Things could get dicey real quick, but I hear Goldfarb has his trigger finger on his trackpad.

  14. 14.

    jeff

    The guy may have had balls, but he may no longer. I saw pictures of the remains of his undies, and….um, he emasculated himself in the most painful way I can imagine. And then, no virgin girls and boys and honeyed wine, only annoying Michigan prison guards.

  19. 19.

    gwangung

    @jeff: You know, this makes me wonder…how easy is it to make an effective bomb using this method. Yes, I know the cable channels were showing how effective the CHEMICAL was, but that’s not all that’s involved here. Is this really an idiot proof method of setting off an explosion?

  21. 21.

    Tom

    I was reading up on the Richard Reid incident just to see how hypocritical the right-wing reaction is to this latest incident and noticed that Reid was indicted and tried in the U.S. federal court system on terrorism charges is currently serving a life sentence in Colorado.

    Don’t recall the wing-nuts freaking out about that at the time.

  22. 22.

    sammie128

    Oh, it’s already started. I’m in Detroit visiting my mom for the holidays and I heard a local GOP rep (Candace Something, R(idiculous)-MI) interviewed on the local ABC affiliate tonight say something along the lines of the following: “While the FBI are doing fine (I believe she added, “bless their hearts”), the President should have made sure this terrorist was immediately turned over to the military so that he can be subjected to the most extreme interrogation methods possible.” It’s really all about the torture with these people, isn’t it? Jeesh!

  23. 23.

    jeff

    @gwangung I think that the people who want to blow up airplanes and trains will succeed, sometimes horrifically. Right now, they’re failing. We’re going to be dealing with this as long as assholes want to blow up transport. Looks like our security stuff IS actually making it harder for them to succeed.

  26. 26.

    demkat620

    I had a wingnut friend tell me today that he is never going to fly anywhere ever again because we are not interested in doing what it takes to make flights safe.

    When I asked him what he thought we need to do to make that happen, he had nothing to say. No ideas at all. But what ever it might be, we’re not doing it.

    Honestly, how do these morans function everyday?

  27. 27.

    Pennypacker

    Where are the cries from the right to torture the shit out of this guy? By definition he intimately knows the names, locations, eating preferences, and bathing habits of every single AQ operative in the world. Why isn’t Dick Cheney or Jonah Goldberg volunteering to personally operate the waterboard, iron maiden, and thumbscrews himself?

  28. 28.

    Derelict

    Remember: The guys at GITMO–even the 11-year-old–all have amazing superhuman powers. It is only the azgro-plastic super-secret force field that keeps them from wiping out the guards and taking over the entire southeast U.S.

    Underwear Man had super powers, but fried them off back in coach. So we can safely try him in regular courts.

  29. 29.

    pillsy

    Evidently Al-Qaeda is claiming responsibility for the failed attack.

    Claiming that you were behind a successful attack is one thing, but I’d think saying, “We had nothing to do with the moron who lit his wanger on fire,” would be basic terrorist PR.

  30. 30.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    I mean really you people, what is with all this pants wettings, you are all suddenly afraid of a 23 year old nigerian with powder strapped to his crotch? Jeebus Cringle on a moped, we Brits put up with worse shit than this on a Monday morning at Harrods. For gawds sake, grow the fuck up. I simply cannot understand the wingnuts screaming “USA, USA, USA, we are number one” and yet they cannot cope with a guy setting fire to his balls on an airplane, and their reaction is to hide under thier beds and piss themselves in fear. I just don’t get it.

  31. 31.

    Morbo

    I was listening to TotN today in my new (new to me at least ’06) Subaru Forester coming home from my parents’ and the pants-wetting was in full force. The best comment in the segment (two segments really, one on the underwear bomber and one on full-body scans) IMO was the last one, which was something to the effect of “why are we letting cowardice win the day; at what point do we go about our lives when more people are killed by traffic accidents and smoking than terrorists?” Neil of course dismissed it out of hand; I wanted to reach through the radio waves and smack him.

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Yeah, the caller specifically invoked Northern Ireland. Neil seemed to take it as a personal affront that the guy would “belittle” the way he put his life in danger when he reported from there.

  32. 32.

    Tom Levenson

    Why haven’t the usual suspects wet their pants at the notion of a terrorist mastermind unleashed on the population… from his jail cell?

    Perhaps because Abdulmutallab’s nefarious release of ice nine into the wingnutosphere, carried out through the powers of teleportation that make the harboring of a single terrorist subject in the lower 48 a threat to all that is holy, has frozen every last tidy whitey to the exposed skin of those who would thus self-irrigate.

    They can’t pee through what they can’t thaw.

    Teeny, puckered, terrified bladders may have something to do with it. Also.

  36. 36.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    @jeff:

    … only annoying chuckling Michigan prison guards.

    There… better, no?

    At the very least, this poor schmuck is going to be the punch line of many, many bad jokes, for a long time to come. First Orly Taitz… then Tiger Woods… and now Umar Farouk and His Fabulous Burning Balls™!

    It’s either a new Golden Age of Comedy, or the death of it…

  37. 37.

    R. Johnston

    @pillsy:

    Yes, claiming credit for a hilariously unsuccessful attack would ordinarily be odd. However, given the Republican pantswetting over the attack and the fact that al Qaeda’s taking credit will assure escalation of the pantswetting into a full blown soiled briefs incident, taking credit seems like the thing to do. Every time a Republican shits himself, al Qaeda wins.

  38. 38.

    gwangung

    @jeff: There will be a successful attempt eventually, but what interests me is that people are going ape over OMIGOD EXPLOSIVES when it’s not really clear if this was a particularly reliable way of doing it. If this was as Keystone Kops as I think it is, it’s blatant, stupid scaremongering to play it up as a major thing.

  40. 40.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    @R. Johnson:

    Every time a Republican shits himself, al Qaeda wins.

    Then I must assume that al Qaeda is the NY Yankees of the terraist world…

  41. 41.

    It was on fire when I lay down on it

    Tragedy was averted only because the detonator, acid in a syringe, did not work.

    Sure, plenty of snark to be had now, but if Abdulmutallab had spent more time practicing on oranges with syringes we’d all be singing a different tune.

  42. 42.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    @gwangung:

    If this was as Keystone Kops as I think it is, it’s blatant, stupid scaremongering to play it up as a major thing.

    Of course it is… blatant, stupid scaremongering is The Only Way the GOOP rolls anymore… if it weren’t for the endless pants wetting, they’d be completely outta stupid pet tricks to perform for the cameras.

  45. 45.

    BruceFromOhio

    @It was on fire when I lay down on it:

    Sure, plenty of snark to be had now, but if Abdulmutallab had spent more time practicing on oranges with syringes we’d all be singing a different tune.

    Wisdom. There’s still details to be had regarding the whole forensic analysis, but its clear that if this guy had been a bit smarter about it the story would have a completely different ending.

    Of course, I’d like to believe that if this guy had been a bit smarter, he wouldn’t be boarding an airplane with a bomb around his junk either.

  46. 46.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    we’d all be singing a different tune.

    Riiiiiiiiiiiiight… so much better that we should all be running around screeching like peacocks…

  47. 47.

    Keith G

    Ya know, for just a tad over five decades, I have witnessed some freakishly weird and occasionally some quite troubling things happen to our little polity. But I have never felt the personal concern I feel now about our ability to get things right.

    From November on there has been a drum march of deep rooted silliness and even dysfunction; whether it be about HRC, the climate or terrorism. Through the Cold War, Vietnam, Watergate and the 70s doldrums, I/we always figured there would be a way for us to pull things out of the ditch. I miss that feeling.

    I do not know if it is the loudness of the voices, the number, the irrational emotion or all of the above, but I find it very unsettling and disheartening.

    @It was on fire when I lay down on it: No

  50. 50.

    kid bitzer

    @It was on fire when I lay down on it:

    you know, when some other asshole gets a bit luckier and kills a few americans, i promise to observe a moment of silence for them before i snark about it.

    but snark i will, both now and then.

    we have got to grow up, get some perspective, and not let these little pygmies run our lives. al qaeda is an utter triviality. they are a bunch of losers when they blow up their crotches, and they are a bunch of losers when they blow up buildings.

    you know, in a way it’s like the who’s down in whoville: we should just keep singing our song no matter what the asshole in the cave thinks.

    i’m not saying that osama’s heart is going to grow three sizes when he hears it–i don’t care whether the terrorists reform or just die in a pants fire.

    but what i am saying is that we have to be true to our own values, even if some meanies come and steal our christmas ornaments. fn(k them. we’re americans. we shouldn’t let the terrorists or their republican megaphones intimidate us.

  51. 51.

    El Cid

    What else is new? If it weren’t for the fact that most would-be home-made bombers blow themselves up in the process, a lot more people would have been dead in terrorist incidents over the decades.

  52. 52.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    @BruceFromOhio:

    Just sayin’ …

    Yeah, and he didn’t. You’re suggesting we should all be afraid of what could have happened. Geez… that’s even worse that being afraid of what might happen…

    Hypotheticals don’t count… and the snark here isn’t so much about the attempt, even though it does make for some fine wisecrackin’ after the fact, but the astonishing, foaming-at-the-mouth hysteria on the part of the righties…

    And don’t you think some of those same OPPORTUNISTIC spittle-spewing frauds AREN’T making the exact same jokes in private?

    Pul-leeeeeeeeeeeeease…

  55. 55.

    Keith G

    @kid bitzer:

    but what i am saying is that we have to be true to our own values, even if some meanies come and steal our christmas ornaments. fn(k them. we’re americans. we shouldn’t let the terrorists or their republican megaphones intimidate us.

    Nor must we let such events give power to those who would lead us into useless wars or dissuade us from important reform. And I imagine there are Jim Demint type critters out there who care less about the lives of tourists than about their long term political goals.

  56. 56.

    kid bitzer

    @24–

    hey, you stole my 17!

    dammit–i’m just going to take my balls and go home.

    (something mr. undiebomber can no longer do).

    #20 gets the best riff on it, though.

  59. 59.

    Mnemosyne

    Personally, I’d like to know how realistic is it to think that someone would be able to set off a bomb like the one Abdulmutallab had in the cabin of an airliner and bring it down. I keep thinking about Aloha Airlines flight 243 that lost the entire goddamned roof of the airliner to an equipment failure and yet only one death occurred (a flight attendant who was walking in the aisle was sucked out and fell to her death).

    Was that just a lucky chance on Aloha Airlines’ part? Explosive decompression as seen in the movies (ie hole is blown in the side of the plane and everything gets sucked out) doesn’t seem to exist, at least when the Mythbusters tested it.

    So how useful is this method of bringing down an airliner anyway?

  60. 60.

    burnspbesq

    @Tom:

    Reid was indicted and tried in the U.S. federal court system on terrorism charges is currently serving a life sentence in Colorado

    Shhh … don’t tell the deficit-hawks. Keeping someone in the Supermax for life is teh expensive. Next thing ya know, they will be pitching lethal injection as a health-care cost-containment initiative.

  61. 61.

    AhabTRuler

    @Mnemosyne: Technical info on PETN here, but as to could it have worked? Sure, but there are no guarantees with explosives. The Pan Am 103 page gets into some theory on blast effects and airliners (especially if you get into some of the supporting documents), but it still isn’t clear if the successful detonation of 80g of PETN would have destroyed or damaged the aircraft in question.

  62. 62.

    burnspbesq

    @Litlebritdifrnt:

    I simply cannot understand the wingnuts screaming “USA, USA, USA, we are number one” and yet they cannot cope with a guy setting fire to his balls on an airplane, and their reaction is to hide under thier beds and piss themselves in fear. I just don’t get it.

    It’s American Exceptionalism at work. We be exceptionally stoopid.

    Present company excepted, of course.

  64. 64.

    El Cid

    Let’s all remember that the stereotype of the crazed and seemingly macho right winger screaming about Soviets and Communists hiding under every bed were not exaggerated stereotypes.

    In fact, not too long ago we had civilians, not that many, but still, going to camps and training in militias because they believed Hillary Clinton was about to lead a UN invasion of the United States, using bar codes printed on the backs of stop signs as secret indicators.

    I worked with plenty of big macho types who talked about hunting and guns who said that the biggest threat our country faced was the first lady. It was like I was suddenly talking to some undercover breed of developmentally disabled Martians.

  65. 65.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    @AhabTRuler:

    Technical info on PETN here, but as to could it have worked? Sure, but there are no guarantees with explosives.

    From wiki:

    The most obvious use of PETN is as an explosive. It is more sensitive to shock or FRICTION than TNT or tetryl.

    More sensitive to friction?

    Well… sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-it… why didn’t the damned fool just…

  66. 66.

    Mnemosyne

    @AhabTRuler:

    I’m wondering about the difference between an explosion in the passenger cabin and one in the cargo area (which is what Lockerbie was). A lot more of the inner workings are in the underside of the plane, IIRC, so it would stand to reason that an explosion there would be very damaging. I’m wondering if one would be just as damaging from the passenger side of things. Fortunately, I don’t think anyone has ever succeeded in blowing up a bomb in the passenger cabin so unless the FAA has tested it, I don’t know if we know.

  67. 67.

    BruceFromOhio

    @The Republic of Stupidity:

    You’re suggesting we should all be afraid of what could have happened.

    Hardly. Re-read the words in my comments, not the little monkey-voice inside your keyboard. What I actually wrote was, if the ratfuck sonofabitch had succeeded, it wouldn’t be such an easy target for snark and witticisms. Nothing more than that. I would strive for the levity of kid bitzer, but after a funeral and three death calls in as many days, I can’t keep up.

  70. 70.

    slag

    What I want to know is when James Dobson is going to come out and blame this failed terrorist attack on teh gayz and abortionists.

  71. 71.

    burnspbesq

    Get ready for a barrage of right-wing heads exploding when they get a load of the story arc for Season 8 of “24.”

  73. 73.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    BruceFromOhio

    Hardly. Re-read the words in my comments, not the little monkey-voice inside your keyboard.

    Riiiiiiiight… so much better we should all be listening to the little monkey voice inside YOUR keyboard, huh?

    I don’t need to reread your comment. You basically said we’re all BAAAAAAAD people for not being more upset about this.

    I apologize…

    ***sniff…***

    You’re clearly a Serious Person™ and FAAAAAAAAR superior to the likes of me.

    Saaaaaaaaaaaay… monkeyboy… are you as upset w/ the cynical, opportunistic conservative frauds who are most likely creaming in their jeans over the fact that Something Bad Happened To The Messiah™? Or you do save your self-righteous twaddle for inferior types, like me?

  75. 75.

    AhabTRuler

    @AhabTRuler: To expand, factors for success:

    1. Type of event – all booms are not the same, some “explosives” merely deflagrate, that is the wave front from the combustion process travels slower than the speed of sound, whereas compounds like PETN detonate wave front faster than speed of sound). Detonations, for various reasons, tend to be more destructive.

    2. Placement – the location of the blast makes a big difference. A small explosion that severed the main wing spar would be catastrophic. Hull damage alone (as in the case you mentioned) might be survivable.

    3. Tamping – the more the initial blast is confined in a robust container, for example a metal tube, the destructive the blast becomes. Needless to say, meatbag makes a poor tamper, and the seats aren’t really going to help.

    4. Confinement and shaping – furthermore, the structure that the blast is in or around can have a big impact on the effect. Hitler was likely saved by a heavy wood conference table and weak walls; most of the blast from oklahoma city was directed up and away from the building; explosive-reactive armor on tanks and claymore mines are highly directional; shaped charge explosives start to get really sexy when it comes to explosive dynamics (info on tanks can be highly informative, the difference between HEAT, HESH and APFSDS can provide insight into what is happening in those fractions of a second). Thin-walled structures tend to allow the blast to escape more easily than heavy-walled structure. The thin aluminum skin would blow out pretty easily, while the deck sole is more solidly constructed; if most of the blast is directed up and out the event might be survivable.

    Note: not an expert; please correct if you see errors.

  76. 76.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    @BruceFromOhio:

    but after a funeral and three death calls in as many days, I can’t keep up.

    ***Sniff… sniff…***

    I’m sooooooooo f-in’ sorry for yer tragedy. So kind of you to come and share it w/ us.

    ***BARRRRRRRRRRRACK…***

    (blows nose LOUDLY)

    There… all better… now… you were opining?

    TRoS’ Corollary #2: When the twit you’re arguing w/ on line starts using unverifiable personal information to influence the discussion, you can be pretty sure yer dealing w/ a FRAUD.

  77. 77.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    @Bruce from Nowheresville:

    It was work before, right?

    WTF is this supposed to mean?

  78. 78.

    MikeBoyScout

    Wait a minute. It is starting to make sense now.

    Clearly the situation is far more dire than we thought.
    Al-Qaeda and the underpants gnomes have joined forces!!

    Phase 1: Explode Underpants
    Phase 2: ?
    Phase 3: Victory!

  80. 80.

    burnspbesq

    @freelancer:

    Jack, Renee, Chloe, and their new pals at the reconstituted CTU put their lives on the line to save a swarthy brown person called “President Hassan” from being assassinated by his own people when he comes to the UN for a peace conference.

  81. 81.

    freelancer

    WTF? are we having like Commenter Deathmatch now?

    Last night it was Corner Stone and Mnemosyne,
    tonight it’s BrucefromOhio vs Republic of Stupidity?
    When’s it gonna be my turn to be the troll?

    What’s next? Me vs. AWS? Midnight Marauder vs. JK? ella vs. Leelee?

    This is getting out of hand.

  82. 82.

    AhabTRuler

    We’ll likely know more when the FBI, et al get done picking the thing apart.

    Not that the FBI would have any motivation to overestimate the hypothetical effectiveness of the device. We’ll see some pretty tests from Quantico, but you’ll forgive me if I mistrust somewhat.

  84. 84.

    AhabTRuler

    Do you typically bathe after these outings, or do you just fall pass out in an exhausted, crumpled heap?

    Dontchaknow, it’s the dirty feeling that makes it all worthwhile.

  85. 85.

    Mnemosyne

    @AhabTRuler:

    Is it going to be the FBI or the FAA who examines the aircraft? When it comes to this kind of investigation, I trust the FAA a lot more. They don’t move quickly, but they’re thorough as hell.

  86. 86.

    BruceFromOhio

    @freelancer:

    This is getting out of hand.

    Man, I just come here to kill MNF time. No one said I had to punch the clock. Republic of Insipidness can haz mad html skillz and Wants You To Know It. It’s like my barking-mad in-laws, you throw a scrap out now and then and it’s all piss, spittle and something that passes for English.

    Kinda like taunting a junkie, but cleaner.

  87. 87.

    someguy

    The fact of the matter is we could have a thousand AQ walking around the streets and the clueless fuckers wouldn’t pose any worse a threat to the U.S. than a thousand ordinary Republican businessmen or common criminals. But I repeat myself.

  88. 88.

    burnspbesq

    @BruceFromOhio:

    speaking of MNF, I haz a confusion. I thought the Bears were le suck, and the Vikings were all that. Is this game being played in Upside-Down World?

  89. 89.

    AhabTRuler

    @Mnemosyne: I imagine they’ll both make their estimates, with a good deal of cross-pollination form other agencies (ATF, NIST, &c.). Mostly it’s that all anyone will have without a full scale test (any volunteers?) is an educated guess. I sort of expect a continuum, with security agencies on the high end, safety orgs in the middle, and anti-security state groups on the low end.

  91. 91.

    mcd410x

    In 1982, the Hyde Park and Regents Park bombings by the Provisional IRA killed eleven British soldiers. Many more badly injured. In 1983, a PIRA car bomb killed six and injured ninety outside Harrods.

    I wonder if Sully called for someone to be sacked in the Thatcher government …

    (God, what would the freakout be like here if something like that happened?)

  93. 93.

    Midnight Marauder

    @freelancer:

    WTF? are we having like Commenter Deathmatch now?
    __
    What’s next? Me vs. AWS? Midnight Marauder vs. JK?

    “If he dies, he dies.” — Ivan Drago Midnight Marauder

    @burnspbesq:

    speaking of MNF, I haz a confusion. I thought the Bears were le suck, and the Vikings were all that. Is this game being played in Upside-Down World?

    Uh, no. The Annual Brett Favre Late Season Collapse is proceeding very much so according to schedule. And how about that cameo appearance by Jay Cutler’s Traveling Interception Circus? Just when you thought it was safe…

  95. 95.

    Mnemosyne

    @AhabTRuler:

    Mostly it’s that all anyone will have without a full scale test (any volunteers?) is an educated guess.

    I’m sure Adam and Jamie will be happy to volunteer Buster for any necessary testing. :^)

  96. 96.

    burnspbesq

    @Midnight Marauder:

    The Annual Brett Favre Late Season Collapse is proceeding very much so according to schedule.

    Aahhh, now I understand. Favre is the American Frank Lampard. Disappears when his team needs him most.

  98. 98.

    BruceFromOhio

    @burnspbesq:

    Well, there’s the rumored December model of Favre that supposedly works poorly around Solstice. Then there’s the Bears that appear not to appreciate all the trash talking they’ve been getting about being a ‘disappointment’ this season (maybe it’s just a Chicago thing).

    Perhaps Favre just enjoys that battle-back-from-zero rush of scoring 20+ points in the second half. They’ve already clinched, so the race is over. Pride? When the Packers go to Chicago, it’s a grudge match, so Favre is inspiring pavlovian response? Bookies got the OC by the short and curlies?

    The second half certainly has been a lot more fun to watch.

  99. 99.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    BruceFromOhio

    Do you typically bathe after these outings, or do you just pass out in an exhausted, crumpled heap?

    There there there, Li’l Feller… don’t blame me if yer not as good at this as you fancy…

    Practice, m’boy… practice!

    More roughage… less self-gratification.

  102. 102.

    Midnight Marauder

    @burnspbesq:

    I vote for a steel cage match between Humboldt Blue and Makewi, with B.O.B. as Celebrity Guest Referee.

    If this happens, I just want you all to know ahead of time that I will definitely be hiding under the ring the entire time. And when B.O.B. and HumboldtBlue are both dazed, I will make my way from under the ring–steel chair in hand–and absolutely decimate Makewank. Vicious chair shot after vicious chair shot, all straight to the dome. And then, I will drag HumboldtBlue on top of Makewank, dramatically wake up B.O.B., and he will groggily crawl over and make the 3 count.

    Why yes, I have thought about this scenario before. Why do you ask?

  104. 104.

    BruceFromOhio

    @freelancer:

    Ma always said, pick something and be good at it.

    @The Republic of Stupidity:

    More roughage… less self-gratification.

    This explains much. And look! You can be a sharing pathetic creep instead of just a plain old-fashioned pathetic creep. Play to your strengths!

    @jwb:

    I dunno – 16-23 with 10:06 – Vikes playing like they want it.

    ETA: Favre stats on MNF are pretty impressive. Pride makes an appearance?

  105. 105.

    someguy

    @ mcd410x

    (God, what would the freakout be like here if something like that happened?)

    What, like if a terrorist killed a dozen people?

    There’d be mass fucking hysteria and muslims rounded up and thrown into camps.

    Or maybe the world wouldn’t actually end. I think your hypothesis was tested a few weeks back. Seems that the main effect is it stirs up right wing racial and religious hatred. Kind of like everything else that happens.

  107. 107.

    AhabTRuler

    Wiki says that his seat number was 19A, which, according to the Delta Seating Chart, puts him toward the front of the wing structure, obviously near fuel tanks. This still doesn’t mean that a successful detonation would necessarily have theavily reinforced over the wing, so that increases the likelihood that the blast would be directed, to and through the thin upper skin (I seem to recall that there is relatively structural reinforcement in the upper hull area).

    There are a great many what-ifs, and I wouldn’t what to chance it myself. I would rather that people do a better job of interdicting explosives on the ground; lacking that, I’d like the terrorists to keep sending halfwits, please.

    And unless the statistics have radically changed lately, you are still more likely to die on the ground in a fire than in any sort of in-flight incident, terrorism or no (but the FAA has decided that escape hoods are unnecessary).

  108. 108.

    Midnight Marauder

    @jwb:

    The Vikes are only making it close so they can maximize the disappointment for the fans.

    Again, I reiterate: The Annual Brett Favre Late Season Collapse is proceeding very much so according to schedule.

  110. 110.

    jwb

    @Midnight Marauder: Yes, of course. I’m now revising. Thinking that maybe because this game doesn’t really mean that much, the big collapse is being postponed for the playoffs.

    ETA: Or maybe not. Quite a kick return.

  111. 111.

    BruceFromOhio

    @jwb:

    Frosty! Favre was laughing on the hurry-up at 1st and 10, and now it’s tie game.

    From NFL.com: “[Vikings] would need to win out and Saints to lose their finale to get homefield advantage. Vikes can clinch first-round bye with a win + PHI loss.” So it is more than just pride before the fall.

    ETA: Shit, Chicago won’t leave it go. All that work for nothing. Kinda reminds me of Republic of Insipidness comments.

  114. 114.

    Midnight Marauder

    @burnspbesq:

    Man, you are one cruel motherfucker, using the words “late season collapse” when there are Mets fans in the room.

    One of my best friends is a life long Mets fan. I was living with him in Staten Island during the end of 2007 season. I saw what that collapse did to him. To borrow a page from one of my favorite movies:

    We killed you dead, there ain’t no coming back! There ain’t no coming back! There ain’t no coming back!

    @jwb:

    That tie didn’t last long. Back to the collapse scenario.

    For the hat trick:

    The Annual Brett Favre Late Season Collapse is proceeding very much so according to schedule.

  115. 115.

    BruceFromOhio

    @jwb:

    Hmmm … 2 minutes, all three TO’s, just outside the red zone.
    If this is collapse, it’s damned entertaining. Unless Favre gets picked off, I think we’re looking at OT.

  117. 117.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    BruceFromOhio

    Kinda reminds me of Republic of Insipidness comments.

    Haw haw haw… thas a good’un…

    ***slaps knee…***

    Yasssss indeedy… that BruceFromNowheresville sure is a sharpie…

    Sooooo… what happened to the ‘Snide, Condescending Serious Guy’ routine?

    Didn’t get you the traction you were hoping for?

    Then you tried the Pity Card… and nada…

    Sooooooo… now it’s the Cool Detached Hipster?

    Yer not very good at this, are you?

  119. 119.

    BruceFromOhio

    @The Republic of Stupidity:

    Yer not very good at this, are you?

    It’s the mixed signals you keep sending.. you write ‘practice m’boy practice’ and then you write ‘less self-gratification’. Make up your fucking monkey-mind, man! Or strap some explosives to your schwang and have at it. Truly, the choice is yours alone.

  120. 120.

    Midnight Marauder

    @AhabTRuler:

    One of my favorite scenes from the Crow. I think T-Bird is the only character in the movie to have a genuine reaction; everyone else seems relatively unsurprised to see someone come back from the dead.

    THANK YOU! I always make that comment (to myself) when I watch that movie. My other favorite line from that movie is this one:

    [after shooting the crow]
    Top Dollar: Quick impression for you: Caw! Caw! Bang! Fuck, I’m dead!

    Edit: And fantastic job, Chicago Bears’ defense, on falling prey to the EXACT SAME PLAY that the Vikings ran on 3rd down. Really, you outdid yourself with that effort.

  122. 122.

    jwb

    Gotta love that prevent defense the Vikes used to open sudden death OT.

    ETA: Oh my, missed FG. Favre has another opportunity to throw a devastating interception.

  123. 123.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    @BruceFromOhio:

    Or strap some explosives to your schwang and have at it. Truly, the choice is yours alone.

    It’s called ‘taunting’, Bruce… something you’ve been trying to accomplish for quite some time, to no avail.

    Like I said above… first you tried ‘snide and condescending’, then ‘pity me’ and now you’re on to ‘cool indifference’. And none of it is working.

    Blow yer own schwang off. I suspect you have no real use for it, from what we’ve seen here tonight.

  124. 124.

    Midnight Marauder

    Contrary to popular belief, that cameo by Shankopotamus (in the form of Robbie Gould) was indeed a part of The Annual Brett Favre Late Season Collapse.

    Just in case you were wondering.

  126. 126.

    jwb

    @Midnight Marauder: No interception, but that was one crappy series. So, yes, I must concur that “that cameo by Shankopotamus (in the form of Robbie Gould) was indeed a part of The Annual Brett Favre Late Season Collapse.”

    ETA: Crappy series by Chicago as well.

  128. 128.

    BruceFromOhio

    @The Republic of Stupidity:

    And none of it is working.

    What I actually wrote was, if the ratfuck sonofabitch had succeeded, it wouldn’t be such an easy target for snark and witticisms. Nothing more than that.

    I was kidding about taunting the junkie before. But that first hit really was free, you fucking addicted numbnuts.

  131. 131.

    Midnight Marauder

    Ahem…

    The Annual Brett Favre Late Season Collapse is proceeding very much so according to schedule.

    And now that the Vikings have officially lost tonight, I think this is the perfect to bring out this comment I wrote a few weeks ago:

    I am hoping with everything I have that the Vikings trip up in the last few weeks of the season (not too unreasonable on the road against Jay Culter’s Traveling Interception Circus and then hosting the Giants in their finale), the Packers cruise past Seattle and Arizona, and then Brett Favre has to go on the road to Lambeau in his Vikings’ playoff debut. Oh how giddy I am at the thought of that happening.

    Well, we’re are halfway there now, folks. This scenario is very much so in play now. The thought of Lambeau Field showering Brett Favre with boos for a solid 3 hours during the playoffs…whew, now I know what Rich Lowry must have felt like when he got those starbursts for the first time, amirite?

    +2

  132. 132.

    Midnight Marauder

    @BruceFromOhio:

    Three wasn’t good enough, they HAD to make it six.
    __
    Epic. Just epic.

    @jwb:

    “The Annual Brett Favre Late Season Collapse is proceeding very much so according to schedule.”
    __
    Indeed.

    Just think of how much fun next week is going to be.

  134. 134.

    jwb

    @Midnight Marauder: Are you sure about that scenario? The Vikes have clinched the division due to their two wins over the Packers, so if the Packers and Vikes play, they would actually do so in the Metrodome.

  135. 135.

    burnspbesq

    Oh, next weekend is indeed going to be teh silly.

    For one thing, Cole has to root for the Bengals. The thought of Tunch in a Chad Ochocinco jersey is causing me to giggle uncontrollably.

  136. 136.

    Midnight Marauder

    @jwb:

    Are you sure about that scenario? The Vikes have clinched the division due to their two wins over the Packers, so if the Packers and Vikes play, they would actually do so in the Metrodome.

    Sadly, I believe you are right. I guess I was blinded my never-ending desire for some Brett Favre schadenfreude. Even if the Packers win next week and the Vikings lose, they’ll end up with the same record, and the Vikes get the tiebreaker.

    I suppose I will just have to settle for watching the Vikings limp into the playoffs following a loss to the Giants next week, followed by their subsequent early dismissal from the playoffs, via whoever that team may be.

  137. 137.

    jwb

    @Midnight Marauder: Don’t worry the Vikes will find the most painful way possible to lose. I actually think it might be worse to lose to the Packers in the Metrodome with boos raining down on Favre after he throws the fatal interception.

  138. 138.

    Midnight Marauder

    @jwb:

    Don’t worry the Vikes will find the most painful way possible to lose. I actually think it might be worse to lose to the Packers in the Metrodome with boos raining down on Favre after he throws the fatal interception.

    You have just given me a fantastic new scenario to play around with.

    For this, I thank you.

  141. 141.

    freelancer (itouch)

    @Midnight Marauder:

    Some cheesehead will be so thrilled that he’ll set his cheesehead on fire, and then a Viking fan will tackle him, and NRO will proclaim that another patriotic murkin has thwarted a suspected terrorist attack, then blaming Obama for not protecting NFL fans, instead delineating security to cover mid-season NBA games.

  142. 142.

    jwb

    @Midnight Marauder: As a long-time Viking fan, I know that it will end in the worst possible way. That’s why I actually think the Vikes might beat the Giants fairly convincingly, just to lull everyone into thinking that they are actually ready for the playoffs. But I’m also feeling that the playoff loss will have to come at the hands of the Packers (divine justice and all that), so whether the Vikes win or lose to the Giants will be determined primarily by how the game affects the brackets of the playoffs to ensure that the Packers can deliver the decisive blow.

  143. 143.

    burnspbesq

    @mcd410x:

    If sounds crazy, I know, but if the best US midfield unit (Bradley-Edu-Feilhaber-Donovan) is healthy and on form, they are going to give England fits. Edu got 20 minutes for Rangers over the weekend in his first appearance since his injury, which is very good news for the US.

  145. 145.

    PIGL

    @AhabTRuler: So it seems like all someone needs to do is smuggle a blasting cap onto the plane, and get it to the guy with the explosives, and “BOOM”. A little more worrying than I thought, but it makes me wonder, why don’t they do it?

  146. 146.

    Midnight Marauder

    @jwb:

    As a long-time Viking fan, I know that it will end in the worst possible way. That’s why I actually think the Vikes might beat the Giants fairly convincingly, just to lull everyone into thinking that they are actually ready for the playoffs. But I’m also feeling that the playoff loss will have to come at the hands of the Packers (divine justice and all that), so whether the Vikes win or lose to the Giants will be determined primarily by how the game affects the brackets of the playoffs to ensure that the Packers can deliver the decisive blow.

    When I was in the wilderness after the Oilers left Houston, I ended up becoming a Vikings fan in the period before the Texans arrived on the scene. My dad was a huge Randall Cunningham fan, so I was following the Vikings when Cris “All I Do Is Catch Touchdown Passes” Carter was the BMOC and Randy Moss was just a fledgling rookie squirting water bottles at referees on the sidelines. I was even there for that infamous NFC Championship against Kerry Collins and the Giants. So I guess what I’m saying is that you are right; there is no way this season ends positively for the Vikings and their fans. It’s just not possible. And it really has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with the karmic bitchmade that is perpetually waiting around the corner for Brett Favre.

    So I’m sorry for you and your peoples. I really am. But there is one person, and one person only, for you to blame. I think you know who Brett Favre he is…

  147. 147.

    jwb

    @Midnight Marauder: Hey, I’m as anti-Favre as a Viking fan could be. In fact, I would say that I’m anti-Favre because I’m a Viking fan, and Favre as a Viking is just wrong, wrong, wrong. I’ve been yelling at my friends about this all season long and feeling that this season was headed for the very bad end that cosmic justice demands.

  148. 148.

    Keith G

    @Midnight Marauder: Some of us were in the wilderness before the Oilers left town.

    Though I do love the fact that we are still paying for renovations on the Dome that Bud demanded as the price for him staying.

  149. 149.

    Yutsano

    @Keith G: Now you know why we chose to not pay the ransom for the Supersonics leaving town. We’re taxed enough shelling out for two stadiums when Key Arena was already upgraded to their specifications already. If the T-Birds step up into the NHL then Key Arena might get another remodel, but as of now that’s about the only way I see that happening.

  150. 150.

    Mister Colorful Analogy

    @Mike P:

    Was going to comment about the Stars reference FTW, but I see you’ve got it covered. Bravo.

    FYI for anyone who is interested, the line Ackerman used is from the beginning of the Stars’ song, “Your Ex-Lover is Dead” from the album, “Set Yourself on Fire”. It’s an excellent song, but I wouldn’t recommend it (or much of the album, for that matter) for anyone who’s at the end of a relationship unless you’re ready to haz a big sad.

  151. 151.

    Anne Laurie

    Why haven’t the usual suspects wet their pants at the notion of a terrorist mastermind unleashed on the population… from his jail cell?

    The usual suspects are still trying to find “MY-lin, Michigan” on teh googlemaps. Because that’s how it’s pronounced, so the TV/radio newspodpersons are duing it write, but it’s spelled like that city in Italy which is rather better known.

    As someone who did not grow up in Michigan but spent 15+ years there, I am endlessly entertained by the many towns named by settlers who’d read about glamorous furrin parts but never heard them discussed in those pre-Edison days. Towns like SuhLINE, PEERy (spelt ‘Pierre’), and, of course, the one that should logically be called Day-TWAH.

  153. 153.

    Paul L.

    Nice to see Spencer Ackerman defend granting US Constitution rights to someone who violated the Geneva Conventions (Progressive’s holy writ of International Laws).

  154. 154.

    Mnemosyne

    @Paul L.:

    Dude, you might want to at least consult Wikipedia to find out what the Geneva Conventions are before you embarrass yourself again. (Hint: a private citizen can’t sign a treaty, dumbass.)

  155. 155.

    El Cid

    I thought fair trials and standards of arrest were something we imposed upon ourselves as a demonstration of our desire to be civilized, not gifts to be conditionally bestowed upon the detained or accused due to our weakness and lack of macho decisiveness.

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