Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

John Fetterman: Too Manly for Pennsylvania.  Paid for by the Oz for Senator campaign.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

No one could have predicted…

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

Consistently wrong since 2002

I really should read my own blog.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

If you are still in the GOP, you are an extremist.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

A Senator Walker would also be an insult to reason, rationality, and decency.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Your All In One NFL Open Thread

Your All In One NFL Open Thread

by | 81 Comments

This post is in: ,

I’m not dead, but I feel like I am close. Another day of zinc, vitamin C, decongestant, and La-Z-Boy. Good thing is I have no fever, just those full body aches and the sinus and chest stuff. I’m being philosophical about this- I’m just getting a few of the shitty days of 2010 out of the way early. If I have not answered your email, just hold tight.

It is also cold as hell here- wind whipping and 5-10 degrees outside. Glasses fogged upfor two minutes when I came back inside.

And Go Steelers. Apparently there is a way for them to still get in the playoffs, but it would not surprise me if they lose to the Dolphins. They’ve lost to crappy teams all year, might as well lose to one more.

Reader Interactions

81Comments

  1. 1.

    Corner Stone

    Finally! All the cocaine’s gone and I just tossed the last hooker out the door.
    Now I can watch a little NFL in peace.
    Go Texans!

  2. 2.

    jeffreyw

    Good morning. Cold with sunshine. Nothing planned except for salmon patties for dinner. Alas, the only buns in the house are some onion rolls that have been too long in the freezer. The dogs and cats are beguiled by the bright sun, and insist they want to go outside. Soon enough they get cold and insist upon reentry. Rinse and repeat all the damn day long.

  3. 3.

    JenJen

    You know, Cole, when your team spends a season consistently losing to “shitty” teams, it is within the realm of possibility that your team is, in fact, the one which is shitty. This probability rises when your team loses to “shitty team” not once (which could be interpreted as an anomaly), but rather, twice. To further illustrate this point, I will remind you that the “shitty team” which I root for is playoff-bound no matter what happens today. Your team actually needs a little help from my shitty team tonight.

    So nyah. :-)

  4. 4.

    John Cole

    @JenJen: How bout them Bearcats?

    And if you actually look at the win/loss records of the teams we have lost to, we have lost to the shittiest teams in the NFL (Chiefs? Raiders?) and beaten some of the best ones.

  5. 5.

    Corner Stone

    @jeffreyw: Salmon patties (from a can), used to be a staple of ours when I was a yoot. Along with white potatos (also from a can), a little flour in the juice to make “cream sauce” and a homemade cocktail sauce (ketchup and whatever spice we had at the time). We’d fry them up in batches and eat three or four meals off ’em.
    I’ve lost my taste for the patties as I’ve grown older but still like the white potatoes for some reason.

  11. 11.

    JenJen

    @John Cole: Who cares about the Bearcats? I didn’t go to college at UC, and don’t particularly give a shit about UC teams.

    How about those BUCKEYES on the other hand? :-)

  12. 12.

    ajr22

    Pit lost to the Bears, which is hard to do this season with Cutler throwing 26 picks and all. Any team we have beat this year has some problems. By the way Cole my entire family has been sick with the exact same symptoms. It spread pretty quick and was not easy to get over. I was on a steady diet of tea, soup, and day/nighttime cold meds for days. hang in there good sir.

  15. 15.

    Common Sense

    I cannot believe that we are watching a Houston football team play a relevant game in week 17. We haven’t had an NFL team with a winning record here since ’93. I’m not really sure how to feel. It’s been so long. Plus if they win it’s going to be a long day. We won’t know what’s happening until the very last game tonight when the Jets and Bengals wrap up.

    I hope Cushing decapitates pretty boy Brady.

  16. 16.

    jeffreyw

    @Corner Stone: Most of my salmon patty eating has been from the canned sort, and I can take em or leave em. A few months ago an actual door to door salesman can by, peddling cases of frozen foods, and we bought a case each of beef and seafood. Among the offerings in the seafood batch were some frozen salmon fillets I would have skipped had we been given the choice. I’ve had salmon fillets cooked in several different ways and never liked them too much. We decided to try a salmon patty recipe that looked good. Worked well enough, I’ll do it again today with some minor tweaks.

  17. 17.

    Incertus

    I’m looking for something to enjoy about the final Saints game of the season before the playoffs, and all I’m thinking is that I hope Chase Daniels gets a little time on the field. If he’s the #2 apparent–and with Brunell at 41 years old, you’ve got to figure he is–I’d like to see if he’s got something at the pro-level.

    Yeah, I’m reaching. Who should I be rooting for today for a potential matchup in two weeks for the Saints? Who would be the easiest 4-5 seed to beat?

  18. 18.

    stormhit

    It’s going to be pretty thrilling to see if the Lions can somehow secure the #1 draft spot. They can do no worse than third, but it would be great for SF to help ’em out and somehow find a way to lose to the Rams.

    What, this is what most NFL fans are paying attention to at the end of the season, isn’t it?

  19. 19.

    RedKitten

    Cold and snowing here. We were worried that we’d lose power last night, and so had a nice fire roaring in the woodstove. We just took down the Christmas tree (which always makes me so sad — I love having a real tree, but I hate taking it down and biffing the poor, rejected thing out into the snow. Yes, I’m anthropomorphizing a tree — sue me.)

  21. 21.

    Demo Woman

    Is it true that in order for the Steelers to get in the play offs Cincy and New England both have to win? If it’s true, does that mean John will cheer for two teams that he abhors?

  22. 22.

    Corner Stone

    @Common Sense:

    I’m not really sure how to feel. It’s been so long.

    Plenty of room under the Snuggie with me, my friend. Just let all the old stuff go and accept that the Texans will win and make the playoffs.
    It’s ok. It’s ok.

  23. 23.

    Common Sense

    @Demo Woman:

    I believe that of Cin and NE, only one of the two has to win. There are five 8-7 teams playing for 2 spots. Right now the Texans, Jets, Broncos, and Ravens are ahead of the Steelers and playing different opponents. If 3 of the 4 lose and Pittsburgh wins, the Steelers and other 9-7 team would be the wild card teams.

  24. 24.

    gbear

    @Demo Woman:

    Is it true that in order for the Steelers to get in the play offs Cincy and New England both have to win? If it’s true, does that mean John will cheer for two teams that he abhors?

    That’s what made John get sick.

  25. 25.

    cat48

    @John Cole If the chest congestion continues, you probably should see your Dr. If you happen to have H1N1, the Drs. say it goes quickly to your chest & that is how it kills quickly. Just the mother in me, sorry. You might get some Mucinex to clear the congestion in your chest. The decongestant won’t do it. Sorry to intrude.

  26. 26.

    Common Sense

    @cat48:

    The behind the counter Musinex that you gotta show your ID and sign for is the good stuff. I can go all day on that

  32. 32.

    Phyllis

    @cat48 second the Mucinex recommendation. It’s like a miracle cure for chest congestion. Hate their commercials, but then I pretty much hate all commercials anymore.

    I don’t have a dog in the NFL fight; will likely toggle between the Colts/Buffalo & NO/Carolina. SO is a Tennessee/Payton Manning worshiper fan.

    Still trying to overcome the shame of the Gamecock play (and I use that term charitably) at the PapaJohns bowl yesterday. Sheesh.

  33. 33.

    Max

    Cowher interviewed with my Bills this week. I doubt it would happen, but a girl can dream.

    BTMFW – Tonight’s Iron Chef is the Obama Edition! Michelle FTW! Need open thread for this….

  34. 34.

    demkat620

    Go Iggles! A win and they are the two seed. Which will be miraculous without their starting center.

    It is so windy and cold here today. My Jack is hiding under the covers in the bed.

    Do you have your twin heating pads hooked up John? Are Lily and Tunch taking care of you?

  36. 36.

    morzer

    Dear John, before you diss the Dolphins, can you remind me which team lost against the Browns? I seem to remember it was the Steelers. Incidentally, there’s no evidence that zinc or vitamin C will do your cold much good. Drink lots of water and sweat as much as possible.

  38. 38.

    SIA

    @RedKitten: oh Red Kitten, I do that too and some years don’t even get a tree because I feel like such a beast tossing the poor unwanted thing stripped naked out to the curb. This year we bought a small Norfolk pine which I thought I would re-plant somewhere. Did a bit of research and found that if not in a container they can grow to 200′ high. Mmmkay plan B?

    I also anthropomorphize (?) cars, stuffed animals sitting lonely on the store shelves, dog toys and other inanimate objects, making my emotional life a lot harder than it has to be. :)

  39. 39.

    J.

    @JohnCole: Have you not been using your neti pot? If that’s too much of a pain, get a saline nasal spray at your local drugstore and do two sprays in each nostril before you go to bed at night. Totally works. And changed my life.

    Re today’s NFL games: Am I the only Jets fan on here? (Though full disclaimer I am also a Giants fan.) Anyone here think the Jets will manage to pull it off and make it to the playoffs? Sometimes I think Jets fans are masochists.

  42. 42.

    PurpleGirl

    RedKitten — I love real trees too; one year I bought one with a root ball in a (big) bucket and tried to keep it on my terrace. I’m not sure what I did wrong in caring for it but it died. I may try to have one again sometime.

    This year’s tree is still up. Growing up, we kept trees until my mother’s birthday on January 7; this year I plan to keep it til the anniversary of her passing on January 12 (if the needles don’t drop off).

  43. 43.

    Violet

    @Common Sense:
    It’s crazy, isn’t it? I have little interest in football these days, but am kind of happy for the Texans that they have a chance, however slight.

  45. 45.

    South of I-10

    @RedKitten: I have to take the tree down today too. I feel better about it these days, they use the discarded trees in coastal restoration projects. Hopefully it will be useful.

  46. 46.

    JenJen

    @John Cole: Best thing for a cold is a nip of whiskey. Actually, three or four nips. You’ll forget all about how crappy you feel.

    “Sweet milk when I’m hungry, rye whiskey when I’m dry
    If a tree don’t fall on me, I’ll live till I die
    I’ll buy my own whiskey, I’ll make my own stew
    If I get drunk, madam, it’s nothing to you

    Rye whiskey, rye whiskey, rye whiskey I cry
    If a tree don’t fall on me, I’ll live till I die”

    (Here’s a nice version… just ignore the shaky-cam and crank the speakers up.)

  47. 47.

    Phyllis

    @ Corner Stone Yeah I was so in hopes the Gamecock team that wolloped Clemson, and came damn close to unseating Florida and Bama would show up. Foolish me.

  48. 48.

    Ed in NJ

    From ESPN, all playoff scenarios:

    AFC

    Clinched: Indianapolis (AFC South and home-field advantage), San Diego (AFC West, No. 2 seed and first-round bye), New England (AFC East), Cincinnati (AFC North)

    Eliminated: Cleveland, Kansas City, Oakland, Buffalo, Tennessee

    Baltimore Ravens

    Baltimore clinches a playoff spot with: BAL win

    New York Jets

    N.Y. Jets clinch a playoff spot with: NYJ win

    Denver Broncos

    Denver clinches a playoff spot with:

    1. DEN win + NYJ loss or tie + BAL loss or tie OR

    2. DEN win + NYJ loss or tie + PIT loss or tie OR

    3. DEN win + NYJ loss or tie + HOU win OR

    4. DEN win + BAL loss or tie + PIT loss or tie OR

    5. DEN win + BAL loss or tie + HOU win OR

    6. PIT loss + BAL loss + HOU loss + JAC loss OR

    7. PIT loss + BAL loss + HOU loss + NYJ loss OR

    8. PIT loss + BAL loss + JAC loss + NYJ loss OR

    9. PIT loss + HOU loss + JAC loss + NYJ loss OR

    10. MIA loss or tie + NYJ loss + BAL loss + HOU loss + JAC loss or tie

    Pittsburgh Steelers

    Pittsburgh clinches a playoff spot with:

    1. PIT win + HOU loss or tie + NYJ loss or tie OR

    2. PIT win + HOU loss or tie + BAL loss or tie OR

    3. PIT win + NYJ loss or tie + BAL loss or tie + DEN loss or tie

    Houston Texans

    Houston clinches a playoff spot with:

    1. HOU win + NYJ loss or tie + BAL loss or tie OR

    2. HOU win + NYJ loss or tie + DEN loss or tie OR

    3. HOU win + BAL loss or tie + DEN loss or tie

    Jacksonville Jaguars

    Jacksonville clinches a playoff spot with:

    1. JAC win + PIT loss + BAL loss + DEN loss + HOU loss OR

    2. JAC win + PIT loss + BAL loss + DEN loss + NYJ loss OR

    3. JAC win + PIT loss + BAL loss + HOU loss + NYJ loss OR

    4. JAC win + PIT loss + DEN loss + HOU loss + NYJ loss OR

    5. JAC win + NYJ loss + DEN loss + HOU loss + BAL loss

    Miami Dolphins

    Miami clinches a playoff spot with: MIA win + NYJ loss + BAL loss + HOU loss + JAC loss or tie

    NFC

    Clinched: New Orleans (NFC South, first-round bye and home-field advantage), Minnesota (NFC North), Arizona (NFC West), Philadelphia (playoff spot), Green Bay (playoff spot), Dallas (playoff spot)

    Eliminated: Detroit, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Washington, Chicago, Seattle, Carolina, Atlanta, San Francisco, New York Giants

    Minnesota Vikings

    Minnesota clinches a first-round bye with:

    1. MIN win + PHI loss or tie 2. MIN tie + PHI loss

    Arizona Cardinals

    Arizona clinches a first-round bye with:

    ARI win + MIN loss + PHI loss

    Philadelphia Eagles

    Philadelphia clinches East division with: PHI win or tie

    Philadelphia clinches a first-round bye with:

    1. PHI win 2. PHI tie + MIN loss or tie

    Dallas Cowboys

    Dallas clinches East division with:

    DAL win

    Dallas clinches a first-round bye with:

    DAL win + MIN loss + ARI loss or tie

  49. 49.

    Corner Stone

    This Philip Rivers segment on ESPN? It’s convincing me that 99% of the shit QB’s audible/read is just complete bullshit.

  50. 50.

    Upper West

    J

    You are not the only Jets fan here. Except every Jets fan must have the prefix “long suffering” every time you write “Jets fan.”

    Questions for tonight:

    Will the Bengals be more likely to rest starters in light of the very cold weather?
    How will Sanchez do in the very cold?
    Will the wind die down by game time? (That’s the forecast.) If it does die down, it’s good for the Jets. (and John McCain of course.)

    And if you’re a NY sports fan, how about Nat Robinson Friday night coming back after a month and torching Atlanta in spectacular fashion for 40 points!

  57. 57.

    Midnight Marauder

    @Corner Stone:

    Dreeeeesan for the TD!

    We can only hope it’s that easy the rest of the day. That man was completely wide open on that play. That was some blown coverage if I’ve ever seen it.

  62. 62.

    mcd410x

    Ha. How good is Aaron Ramsey going to be?!? Game in hand midweek against Bolton! Could be one point out of the lead going into the weekend!!

  64. 64.

    Punchy

    I hope Chase Daniels gets a little time on the field. If he’s the #2 apparent

    Ha ha ha! If Chase Daniels is your next in line, your team is skarooood.

    Some fat, nose-picking redneck ball chucker is about as talented as Jeff George. Good luck with that.

  67. 67.

    Corner Stone

    @Punchy: Jeff George was an asshole but dude could drive nails with his fastball.
    Daniels isn’t in JG’s league.

  68. 68.

    Corner Stone

    @mcd410x: We debated this recently. I think they’re serious.
    Not sure how this reconciles with selling The Gordita.
    For those who don’t know, gordita could also be “little fat girl” in Spanish.

  70. 70.

    muddy

    I hope you are using zinc lozenges and not the nasal spray. The nasal spray can cause you to lose your sense of smell (studies say yes). Zinc use in general, studies say meh.

  71. 71.

    Punchy

    Bellicheat Karma strikes again. Dumb fucker’s already clinched, but plays his starters anyways. Now Wes Welker just blew out his knee.

    Dumb arrogant bastard. Serves him right (Belichek, not Welker)

  72. 72.

    Midnight Marauder

    @JenJen:

    Anyone have a good link to the Steelers-Dolphins game? I hate what my local teevee chose for matchups.

    If you’re looking for live streaming, this place is pretty cash money. It’s where I’m currently watching the Patriots-Texans game.

  74. 74.

    Midnight Marauder

    Wow. Mike Wallace is an absolute burner. The Steelers are going to be pretty set next season with big play threats between this kid and Holmes. So at least you have that, Cole.

  75. 75.

    J.

    @Upper West to answer your Jets questions:

    1. Yes.
    2. He’ll suck.
    3. Maybe. Though the Meadowlands has its own wind machine (or feels that way).

    As to other sports, used to be a big Knicks fan, but not any more. Just follow football (Jets AND Giants) and baseball (lifelong Mets fan) these days.

  76. 76.

    mcd410x

    @Max: It’s certainly possible that the Bucs can’t afford him given the money they’ve got locked up in ManU.

  80. 80.

    zoe kentucky in pittsburgh

    I too brought in the new years with a lousy, good-for-nothing cold. Not a flu, just the kind of cold that makes you feel lousy, sniffly, tired and want to slip into a light coma until it’s over.

    Murphy’s law dictates that since it is the longest stretch of time I’ve had off in a year– a whole 5.5 days!– that I have spent 3 of those days sick in bed. Fortunately, based on how I’m feeling now, I’ll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed tomorrow.

    Steelers– gah. Don’t get me started.

Comments are closed.