Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

“What are Republicans afraid of?” Everything.

Let me file that under fuck it.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

If America since Jan 2025 hasn’t broken your heart, you haven’t loved her enough.

The low info voters probably won’t even notice or remember by their next lap around the goldfish bowl.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

“I was told there would be no fact checking.”

“Facilitate” is an active verb, not a weasel word.

We’re watching the self-immolation of the leading world power on a level unprecedented in human history.

The real work of an opposition party is to hold the people in power accountable.

The Supreme Court cannot be allowed to become the ultimate, unaccountable arbiter of everything.

Fundamental belief of white supremacy: white people are presumed innocent, minorities are presumed guilty.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

“Alexa, change the president.”

Not all heroes wear capes.

Their boy Ron is an empty plastic cup that will never know pudding.

Those who are easily outraged are easily manipulated.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

They think we are photo bombing their nice little lives.

You passed on an opportunity to be offended? What are you even doing here?

Tick tock motherfuckers!

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Never a Dull Moment

Never a Dull Moment

by | 293 Comments

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Woke up, walked the dog at about 6 am, her feet got cold, so I picked her up and was carrying her back in when I slipped on the ice. I fell forward, rolled to my right so I would not crush Lily, and the entire brunt of the fall went to my outstretched right arm. My shoulder dislocated and I heard crunching and had immediate excruciating pain. Got up and used a doorknob to pop my shoulder back in, and it kept popping out of joint, sending me into agony each time.

Somehow drove to the ER, got some xrays and a ct scan, and I have basically pulverized my scapula. It is broken in multiple places, so I am heavily sedated and wearing a massive shoulder/arm immobilizer. Surgery next week.

On the upside, I was not naked in the shower with a mop.

How is your day going?

I think I am going Galt for real for a few days.

Reader Interactions

293Comments

  1. 1.

    Zifnab

    On the upside, I was not naked in the shower with a mop.

    You’re blogging. That’s fucking hard core.

    How is Lily doing?

  3. 3.

    NickM

    I am so sorry to hear that, and wish you a speedy recovery. This might the be universe’s way of telling you to take a break from blogging for a while. Or to blog all the time while cranked up on pharmaceuticals. One or the other.

  8. 8.

    aimai

    Not naked in the shower in two wetsuits and a dildo, is what I think you were going for as a comparison. But maybe the drugs are interfereing with your jokes. This is really shocking, JC, all joking aside. I can’t imagine the pain you are going through. Plus its such a shocking insult to our bodies and our sense of adulthood to fall–children do it so often they don’t notice much, and they are closer to the ground, but lately when I slip on the ice I feel like crying for a few days afterwards from sheer rage.

    I hope they gave you the good drugs. Maybe your posters can take up a collection to buy Lily and you a set of matching crampons?

    aimai

  9. 9.

    Andy

    You’re excused from shoveling the sidewalk, but no slacking on blogging, ‘kay?

    Get well soon. Vicodin helps.

  12. 12.

    Pete

    Yikes. Better soon.

    That’s pretty hardcore popping your shoulder back in with a doorknob. Chuck Norris teach you that?

  15. 15.

    schrodinger's cat

    Ouch that sounds painful. Wishing you a speedy recovery. I hope Tunch and Lily take good care of you.

  17. 17.

    valdemar

    Ouch – nasty.

    Can I heartily recommend Yak Trax? Great strap-on spikey things for boots/shoes. Excellent gripping power, very useful here in England where we always resort to cannabilism whenever half an inch of snow falls on Buckingham Palace.

  18. 18.

    dmsilev

    @aimai:

    Maybe your posters can take up a collection to buy Lily and you a set of matching crampons?

    My parents swear by Yaktrax for dog-walking (or walking in general) when there’s ice and snow on the ground.

    -dms

  19. 19.

    Bostondreams

    Let’s hope Pat Robertson doesn’t hear about this disaster. He might suggest it is retaliation for the deal that Big Ben made to win the Super Bowl.

    Hope you feel better.

  20. 20.

    gbear

    Best wishes.
    Get well soon.
    Damn, all I can think of are cliches…

    Break a leg.

    Really, hope you feel better soon.

  24. 24.

    dr. bloor

    Got up and used a doorknob to pop my shoulder back in

    Damn. You didn’t spot any pieces of Chuck Norris or Steven Segal in your stool this morning, did you?

    Heal quickly, although you may find that reading Sully et al is a little easier whilst under the influence of narcotics.

  27. 27.

    Baq

    Dang John, wish you all the best and a speedy recovery.

    When someone has the nerve to tease you about a sweater/footies on Lily, you can know inform them about how hardcore you really are. A doorknob?!!! Just don’t punch them out with your cast!

  28. 28.

    Sentient Puddle

    So the only way to really make you go Galt is to totally destroy your shoulder, eh? Well, at least you know for future reference.

    In any case, get well soon. And f’real, stay the crap off the blog!!

  30. 30.

    wvng

    Very sorry about your accident. And now I’ll be walking on our remaining ice with ever so much more tension, giving me greater backaches and having a greater chance of falling.

  31. 31.

    slag

    What a drag! On the other hand, if only you hadn’t made that deal with the devil this never would have happened to you.

    Actually, I am very sorry about your accident. Lily will take good care of you, though, and probably even try to keep Tunch from eating you in your drug-induced haze.

  33. 33.

    Hob

    Holy shit! That’s awful. So much crappiness can be introduced into one’s life in a couple of seconds. Hope the surgery goes smoothly, & that they can make you more or less kind of comfortable in the meantime.

    BTW, popping your shoulder back in place with a doorknob is not hardcore. Popping your shoulder back in place with a doorknob when you already have a broken fucking shoulder blade is hardcore.

  34. 34.

    Nazgul35

    Karma finally forced you to accede to your claims of Going Galt!

    BTW: This only makes you more vulnerable to Tunch’s attack!

    Feel better!

  36. 36.

    scav

    ouch ouch ouch ouch all the best or at least best medicated, but please, somehow, don’t leave us entirely without posts. The side-effects from all of us going locally postal would be immense. Tragic. If nothing else, post one-handed (is there any other traditional way?). Oh, and put up a Cast Thread and I’ll bet we’ll all sign it.

  37. 37.

    Comrade Jake

    Sorry to hear that John. That hurt me just reading it. Hope they gave you some good drugs.

    BTW, I assume this is your way of telling us there’s nothing wrong with the US health system?

  40. 40.

    Morbo

    Ouch. Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery. Did you have that stage of denial where you figured nothing was wrong? Man, it’s sad when that comes to an end.

  44. 44.

    geg6

    Oh, John. I’m sorry about your accident and I simply cannot believe you are blogging after that. I had a similar injury once and it’s not.fun.at.all.

    Did Lily lick your face while you lay in the snow and ice suffering? I’ll bet she did. ‘Cuz doggies are wonderful like that.

  45. 45.

    Comrade Mary

    Hardcore, John. Not only dealing with injury, but making a damn fine blog post about it.

    Take your drugs, take it easy, and make Tunch walk Lily next time.

    Oh, and when you’re recovering from surgery (man!), have someone drop off a bunch of Dick Francis audiobooks for you. His jockeys are always getting terribly injured, keeping calm and carrying on. The only danger is that if you listen to a few, you’ll want a horse of your own, and I’m not sure if Tunch would want to share his stall.

  46. 46.

    Rheinhard

    Yow! I slipped and fell in the shower 2 or 3 years ago and broke my wrist, and that was really painful, so I can scarce imagine what a pulverized scapula must be like or what surgery is needed to fix it. Best wishes with recovery.

    One bit of advice: if you’re sitting around recovering, don’t eat the same way you would if you move about normally. I found it was very easy to pack on unwanted pounds by eating my normal meals but doing nothing more than moving from the bedroom to the living room.

  49. 49.

    thomas Levenson

    @Zifnab:

    You’re blogging. That’s fucking hard core.

    Word.

    Take some time to enjoy junk TV and the like without feeling the compulsion to type to us about it. Have a minion post pet pictures. Drink really good booze (over budget parameters) as soon as the sedatives release their hold.

    Hell — go cold turkey on political news for a few days. I am no Nostradamus, but I can predict with certainty that nothing will in fact be different when you return to the fray. The GOP will still be trying to make sure nothing good happens, and the Dems will be, in their charmingly bumbling way, sort of trying to not let that happen.

    Feel better.

  50. 50.

    Steeplejack

    Damn, Cole. I went through a long convalescence after a severe injury a few years ago, so it’s not a cliché to say I feel your pain. Sending healing energy your way. Take it easy and be good to yourself.

  53. 53.

    Wolfdaughter

    Ouch, ouch, ouch. So sorry to read about your mishap. May you recover quickly. Meanwhile, enjoy the drug haze.

  55. 55.

    MattR

    @geg6:

    Did Lily lick your face while you lay in the snow and ice suffering? I’ll bet she did. ‘Cuz doggies are wonderful like that.

    Fortunately, I have taken only one minor fall on the ice due to my dog pulling the leash. And of course she was back to my side so quick to make sure I was OK even though I dropped the leash which usually triggers her “I’m free” reaction.

    Feel better John.

  56. 56.

    Violet

    Oh, man. That sounds awful. I hope the drugs are good and the surgery works wonders.

    The FSM really wanted you to go Galt, it seems.

  59. 59.

    kid bitzer

    oh, sweet cheez-its. i am so sorry to hear this, john. that really sucks.

    take good care of yourself.

    and always remember–you were doing it to help a deserving lady in distress, and injuries suffered for the sake of chivalry are their own reward.

  68. 68.

    WaterGirl

    That completely sucks. You are one tough cookie, John, and you haven’t lost your sense of humor. Amazing. Talk about grace under pressure! There is a reason this great community of people has found you. You are truly one of the good guys, which makes this suck even more.

  69. 69.

    Calming Influence

    Truth is, you would probably feel a lot worse if Lily had been hurt.

    AND:“…used a doorknob to pop my shoulder back in…” Who are you, Rambo? Holy Crap! I’d still be rolling around on the ground screaming “MEDIC!”

    Get well soon.

  71. 71.

    Colette

    Holy shit! That sounds awful. Here’s wishing you good drugs and a speedy recovery. And that Tunch doesn’t eat you while you’re vulnerable.

  73. 73.

    Comrade Mary

    Oh, man. That link to scapular fractures was horrifying. How the hell did it fracture in MULTIPLE places from what seemed like a simple fall? I know the human body is weird (I somehow got a stress fracture in my fibula years ago, and that’s a non-weight bearing bone) but that is horrible, horrible luck.

    I’m glad you have access to serious drugs, because it sounds as if you really need them. Really, you should have people coming over to coddle you as much as possible (then leave you alone when you need it to be the cranky bastard we know and love).

  74. 74.

    WolvesValley

    So sorry to read this. I hope you have somebody to help you take care of Tunch and Lily while you heal!

  75. 75.

    Emma

    Two things of importance: drugs and the tv remote. You can’t imagine how wonderful crappy tv shows look when you are high as a kite!

    Seriously; Ouch. Sounds like much misery.

  76. 76.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    What you need to do is find yourself a healthpack (a health potion will be too weak). Usually they’re located in secret areas around the house, like the breakable wall in your front hallway, or on hard to reach ledges.

    Wouldn’t it be great if you could just load your last saved life prior to your morning dog walk and get yourself back to 100%, with all your weapons and cash?

  79. 79.

    Baq

    Dang John, get well soon. Hardcore indeed!! And when anyone has the nerve to comment on Lily’s sweater/footies, dont knock them out with your cast, please!

  82. 82.

    John Cole

    Lily is fine- the reason my shoulder is blown out is because of the way I landed so as not to hurt her. That is a trade I will take every day.

    I am typing with my left hand.

    They gave me a shot of toradol, a couple percs, and some 800mg motrin. The throbbing pain is gone, but I get shoots up the arm every now and then.

    My other shoulder popped out all thre time from football and lacrosse- plus I was an EMT and Combat LifeSaver, so that is how I knew to use a doorknob. It actually does not hurt as much as you think, because getting it back in socket is pain relief. Plus, adrenaline.

  84. 84.

    Brian J

    Yikes, that sucks, man. I hope you feel better.

    This sounds like a great excuse for an extended movie/TV on DVD/Blu-Ray marathon. That, and a lot of booze, if allowable because of the medication.

  87. 87.

    Captain Goto

    Ow. Ow. Ow.

    That sucks. Take the drugs, and HEAL! Pamper thyself as much as possible. Hopefully you have some help for dealing with Lily and Tunch.

  89. 89.

    BenA

    You win for horrible crappy injury for the week. I just stepped on a rusty nail and had to get a tetanus shot… I suddenly feel much less sorry for myself.

  90. 90.

    Goblue72

    Does this mean daily snark-filled blog updates about what it’s like inside the ‘Merican healthcare system?

  94. 94.

    Maude

    The pain from that is way up there. About a half an hour before the next pain pill is the time to write posts. THey’ll be sharpish. We will all be in surgery with you through out thoughts.
    If Tunch keeps checking on you it’s because he wants the can opener to get up and feed him.

  96. 96.

    Leelee for Obama

    Good Grief, JC! I am so sorry that you’re hurt and hope all goes well with your recovery! So like a puppyphile to take the brunt-like with our kiddies. Surgery? You really did do serious harm didn’t you?

    Like others, I can’t believe how a fall can be so destructive, but having spent some time slipping and landing, I guess what’s truly remarkable is how often we can get up and walk away. The ground is pretty hard and we are the softer, more brittle protagonists.

    Hope the pain-killers are really good at their assignment.

  98. 98.

    Kryptik

    Seriously, John, from the sounds of it, I don’t want you doing any typing any more than a couple web addys. Go Galt until that damn surgery of yours, man.

  101. 101.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    I thought shattering my wrist was bad; I can’t even imagine shattering a scapula.

    This is probably God’s way of telling you to take a fucking break.

  102. 102.

    ominira

    Hope your scapula heals quickly. Take good care of yourself – and that means no unnecessary blogging :).

  104. 104.

    madmatt

    Get well soon…start training lily to open the fridge and get you beers…maybe a special sled for her to haul them to you on the couch!

  106. 106.

    gnomedad

    That sucks. Years ago, I broke my ankle while carrying my (then) 3 y.o. kid in similar conditions. If he’d been groceries, I’d probably have been OK. Heard the crack. Before the pain comes that time-distorted “oh, shit” moment.

    Hope the surgery goes well. Rest up. Go Galt.

  107. 107.

    Persia

    Enjoy your drugs. That really sucks, though I too am glad Lily is OK. It would suck if you’d both ended up with broken bones.

  108. 108.

    shaun

    Best wishes for a speedy recovery, but at the risk of eternal blogging damnation, I need to add the following (and no, Pat Robertson didn’t make me write it):

    You have treated Lily like she is a piece of Wedgewood china since she came into your life. Something like this was bound to happen. Lily is a dog, John, and while her loyalty to you is unconditional your part of the deal should not include pampering her to the ridiculous extend that you do. Unless you plan to move to a balmier clime, the weather thereabouts is not going to change. So guess what? Lily will have to get used to it just like all the other critters in your neighborhood have.

    To close where I began, again best wishes for a speedy recovery.

  110. 110.

    Midnight Marauder

    @John Cole:

    My other shoulder popped out all thre time from football and lacrosse- plus I was an EMT and Combat LifeSaver, so that is how I knew to use a doorknob. It actually does not hurt as much as you think, because getting it back in socket is pain relief. Plus, adrenaline.

    First of all, a speedy recovery to you, good sir! That said, every time I read about you popping your shoulder back in with a doorknob(?!), all I can think about is Mel Gibson doing this in Lethal Weapon 2.

  111. 111.

    fraught

    Noooo! I’ve only been coming here for 4 months and yet I feel this as a personal catastrophe. A wreaked scapula requires great forbearance and many kinds of drugs to stave off pain and despair. A Xanax now and then will help. I have a few extra if you need them. Please know that good thoughts are being vibed your way.

  112. 112.

    South of I-10

    John, I am so sorry to hear this! Glad you were able to make it to the hospital and I hope they gave you the good stuff. Blogging with one hand on pain meds shows serious dedication.

  113. 113.

    flukebucket

    If you would have had those dog socks none of this shit would have ever happened.

    I think I am going Galt for real for a few days.

    Nah man. Once those pain killers kick in and those moments of enlightenment start washing through you there is no way you will be able to resist posting.

    At least I hope not.

  114. 114.

    Chat Noir

    Wow. I go to wash the car and then I log on to see this. Sorry about your scapula. It sounds awfully painful. A friend of mine told me that when she broke her collarbone, it was more painful than childbirth.

    Hope Lily survived the fall OK.

    Take care of yourself, John Cole.

  116. 116.

    erlking

    Damn. That hurts all the way over here in NC. Take care of yourself. If it was me, there would be lots of Irish whiskey and a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon in the very near future but your mileage may vary.

    Get well soon.

  118. 118.

    GReynoldsCT000

    Jesus John! That’s awful. So now you HAVE to go Galt at least until you are bored shitless recovering. I’m sorry to hear about this. Hang in there.

  119. 119.

    Laura

    Anyone who is willing to try to pop a dislocated shoulder back in with a doorknob does not have to worry that booties on his dog make his butt look big him look like a wuss. Let Lily cowgirl up with some soles and stay safe! (Best wishes on a quick recovery.)

  121. 121.

    Ben JB

    Sorry to hear about your injury, though nice work on sparing the pup (it’s a trade I hope I would be quick enough to make with mine), and get well soon.

  122. 122.

    freelancer

    Ice sucks, John.

    I don’t know if there’s anyone here at BJ that can fully attest to that more than myself. As for Lily, you are a Mensch and a fantastic owner for sacrificing yourself so as not to hurt her.

    Here’s wishing for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery. You’re in our thoughts.

  124. 124.

    Demo Woman

    Please take care. Let us know if you have a lot of out of pocket expenses so we can chip in. We rely on your wit, expertise and animal pictures so we do want you well.

  125. 125.

    SIA

    John, I am so sorry you about your fall and injury. I’m also very impressed at how in that split second you were able to think of Lily’s welfare. Add my concern and best wishes to the many already given.

  127. 127.

    Thadeus Horne

    God Dern, John, I wish you hadn’t done that. I’ll bet that’s what you said to yourself, too. Good luck on the cutting and,Dammit, take care of yourself.

  129. 129.

    maye

    Terrible.

    Drink lots of water while taking that high test Motrin. If you get tired of the percs, ask for some ultram.

  130. 130.

    Demo Woman

    Will the surgery be outpatient or do you have to stay over night.
    Also please order Lily some boots.

  131. 131.

    DonBelacquaDelPurgatorio

    Jesus, man. Rotten luck. The only thing I can offer you is Meloxicam, which is a great pain reliever with no side effects and non habit forming.

    The last time I walked on ice, I fell on my ass and slid down a hill, until I hit a tree, otherwise I assume I would still be sliding.

    Therefore, I live in Phoenix. We keep all our ice in the refrigerator.

  133. 133.

    Michael D.

    Ouch! Sorry about that, John. That sucks. But I know what you mean about Lily. A trade I would make as well.

    Glad you weren’t wearing a wetsuit!!

  134. 134.

    The Moar You Know

    I had a similar fall about 13 years ago, broke 4 ribs instead of the shoulder blade. I got a much better deal.

    You are fucking hardcore, EMT + Army Medic skills and all. I’m now even more bummed you’re not my neighbor.

    The only possible way to improve the story, for purposes of the made-for-TV movie about your life, would be to end it with “and then I came home from the hospital, put my feet up, and drank bathtub whisky from Osama Bin Laden’s skull.”

  138. 138.

    Trinity

    Damn John. I’m so sorry to hear this.

    I hope you and Lily are doing okay.

    Hang in there man. And enjoy the meds!

  141. 141.

    Betty Cracker

    Jesus Christ, dude! That description of your accident made me cringe! And you used a doorknob to try to pop your shoulder back into place?

    Truly you have left Wingnutville behind forever — Dan Reihl or Jonah Goldberg would have pissed themselves and lain in a puddle of slushy urine whimpering for mama and cursing the dog for causing the fall (which was not her fault, of course — or yours!).

    Speedy recovery, sir.

  142. 142.

    Punchy

    Why are you carrying your dog around?

    Speedy recovery and all that. Soreness is gunna last AWHILE.

  144. 144.

    Tsulagi

    On the upside, I was not naked in the shower with a mop.

    See, there’s always an upside. Now if you were to ask Rev. Pat, he might say it happened because you’re cursed. Made a pact with the devil when you turned in your R-card.

    Seriously…ouch! Shitty way to start the day. Must have been a heavy duty fall to break your scapula like that.

    Try to get someone to look after the kids pets, pop some of your pain meds washing them down with a beer or two so you feel no pain, then go piss a “FU” on the ice spot where your shoulder broke. You’ll feel better.

  146. 146.

    tomvox1

    Shit, sorry to hear that, John. Hope you’ve got some good pills and that the procedure & rehab go well.
    To better days,
    T.

  147. 147.

    Arlene

    John, sorry to hear about your accident. Best wishes for a speedy recovery. As others have said, relax and watch plenty of tv (football playoffs and plenty of reality tv).

  148. 148.

    Richard C.

    Damn the damn ice. A couple of years ago I slipped on ice and broke my humerus, and I wasn’t even carrying a dog at the time. Had to have arthroscopic surgery, and my shoulder will never again have its full range of motion, although 90% of it is back.

    Global warming will have an upside. Best wishes.

  149. 149.

    R-Jud

    @matt: “+ x mg.” would be my suggestion.

    Get well soon, Cole. I will use the doorknob trick the next time I dislocate my dodgy shoulder. Normally I just use the edge of a doorway.

  150. 150.

    donovong

    Holy Shit! I take my eyes off of you for two minutes to do some work, and I come back and find you have practically dismembered yourself!

    It really sucks to figure out that the older we get, the less we bounce, doesn’t it?

    Enjoy the drugs while you can, but not too much.

  153. 153.

    north_aufzoo

    Oh no! Feel better, John. I love Balloon Juice, both in spite of and because of your inimitable crankiness.

    Also — be careful with those opioids! You don’t want to end up like Rush or Cindy McCain. You know what is better for pain management than narcotics and is also non-addictive? Hint: you might consider asking Sully…

  156. 156.

    SIA

    @aimai: Aimai, good point. I have mush for ankles and fall on my ass big time 2-3 times a year, usually in a public location. It’s weird how very vulnerable it can make me feel.

  157. 157.

    Spork

    Damn! Sorry to hear that John. Get well soon. Although, I’d like to see you blog all whacked out on pain meds, that has the potential for hilarity.

  158. 158.

    gbear

    John, you should get a pair of these for walking Lily when it’s slippery out. Everyone where I work was issued a pair. They only take a second to put on and take off and they don’t cost much.

    Get-a-Grip shoe treads.

    edit: gawd, I didn’t notice I was linking to an elder care site. It was just the first site I found with that particular product. I didn’t mean to insinuate…

  159. 159.

    ChristianPinko

    Ouch. That sounds painful. On the other hand, now you can brag about what a badass you are, with the whole shoulder-popping-back-in trick.

    Get well soon. And stop blogging! Now is the time to let Anne Laurie, DougJ, & Tim F pick up the slack.

  162. 162.

    thalarctos

    You’re a real mensch, John, for taking the brunt of the injury to protect Lily. I’m adding my wishes for a speedy and good recovery to all of those already here.

  163. 163.

    psychobroad

    Popping that shoulder back in–twice, was it–is really hardcore. I don’t even think Mr. Broad would do that, and he has been known to cut fish hooks out of his flesh with a pocketknife.

    Animai made a great point–it’s terrible to fall as an adult, and it hurts so badly even if you don’t smash any bones. LLBean used to carry some great crepe-soled boots that guaranteed no slippage on ice. I can vouch for that, as I had some when in college.
    Take it easy for God’s sake, man!

  164. 164.

    gwangung

    Owwwwww.

    I won’t say take a break…some manners of blogging can help you from climbing up the walls as you heal.

    But do something different. Do a Gina Bellman marathon and blog about that. Do an underrated TV institution blog. Take suggestions for a glamour icon you don’t know that you can do a marathon on (I suggest Maggie Cheung). Just stay away from news and politics and other stuff that’ll work you up.

  165. 165.

    Celia

    Geez JC. I’m a lurker here and usually look forward to every post; long ago I determined you were a kindred spirit with me in your love for Lowell George and Little Feat. I saw them on the Waiting For Columbus Tour, btw, 1978.

    Wanted to say though that unfortunately am finding another similarity with your post today: dislocated shoulder due to dog accident. It was 11 years ago and I didn’t break anything, but shredded tissue which holds the joint stable, and dislocated my shoulder on basically an every 18 month schedule, and for which I finally had surgery 4 weeks ago. It went great, I’m back at work, and I’ll send positive vibes Stay medicated…..

  167. 167.

    CaseyL

    That was a fine thing, to (literally) take the fall so Lily wouldn’t get hurt. And here you were worrying about your macho credentials :)

    Do you have someone who can stop by in case you and/or the critters need anything? How long will you be in the hospital, and then hors de combat afterwards; and will someone be on the scene to help you then as well? If I didn’t live 3000-ish miles away, I’d already be on your doorstep with food and blankies (er… if I knew where you lived, that is)

    What does this do to your teaching schedule? It sounds like you’ll be laid up well into the quarter/semester.

    Let us know if there’s anything we can do, besides providing morale support, listening to your drug-enraptured commentary, and teasing you about Going.Galt.Not.

    We love you. Take care.

  168. 168.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Jeez louise. Ouch, also. I’m so sorry, John Cole. I hope you get all the pain meds you need and whatever else is required to bring you back to normal.

    I do like that your immediate instinct was to not crush Lily. I hope she appreciates the sacrifice you made on her behalf.

    Now will you PLEASE for FSM’s sake follow through on your threats/promises to Go Galt and just leave us for a few days. We’ll miss you for sure, but we’ll be fine. Take care of yourself.

  169. 169.

    EdTheRed

    Damn. As The Dude once told the Big Lebowski, “That’s a bummer, man.”

    Don’t skimp on the pain meds.

  170. 170.

    Jay C

    @GReynoldsCT000:

    Jesus John! That’s awful. So now you HAVE to go Galt at least until you are bored shitless recovering.

    Well, given John’s past performance, the “bored shitless and start blogging” part should set in after about 2 days a day some time tomorrow morning – so I’m sure we’ll be getting updated info from tghe left-handed keyboard before too long…

    Seriously, though John: take it easy, rest, and enjoy the meds.
    We’ll be here when you get back.

  173. 173.

    JAHILL10

    So sorry this happened! My scruffy dog Jake thinks your a mensch for taking the hit like that and hopes that in the same circumstances I will emulate you. (I sometimes pick him up and carry him when the salt/slush/ice makes his feet hurt)

    Get well soon, but please don’t stop blogging when you can! I am sure the percs will make for some of that uninhibited sarcasm that keeps us coming back to BJ again and again!

  177. 177.

    Fergus Wooster

    Jesus, so sorry to hear. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

    Rest, relaxation, DVR, chicken soup and Vicodin recommended.

  179. 179.

    Mike in NC

    Taking a hard fall on ice is one of the worst things, and if you’re elderly (as happened to my dad several years ago) odds are you will never really heal completely. Anyway, here’s wishing a full and speedy recovery.

  180. 180.

    tisalaska

    You know those dog booties you were asking about yesterday..well add to your list “IceBugs” Tennis shoes for humans with ICE CLEATS…way cheaper then surgery..hang in there dude..think “I dont give a crap” drugs and nasty nurses..

  182. 182.

    James K. Polk, Esq.

    Time to make friends with ole’ Lefty…

    On the plus side, you will be decidedly more machine-like after this accident and resulting surgery.

    Darth Cole?

  184. 184.

    flipturn

    Another longtime lurker coming out to wish you a speedy recovery and much tenderness from Tunch and Lily! So sorry about your accident but happy Lily wasn’t hurt!

  185. 185.

    wrye

    Fuck, John, I can’t even imagine what that must be like.
    Please please please take it easy for as long as you need. We’ll still be here.

  186. 186.

    Fern

    Adding my voice to those wishing you well, John.

    I got some of those Get-a-Grip thingies after I slipped on some ice and ended up with quite a dramatically broken ankle. They are ugly and embarrassing but better than falling.

  188. 188.

    gadnynj

    Delurking to express sympathy, love your blogging. Have a speedy recovery, pain meds, movies and books should help.

  189. 189.

    mmolleur19

    John,
    So sorry to hear about your fall. Get well soon. Buy the crampons and the booties for Lily. It’s dangerous out there!

    Regards and best wishes,

  190. 190.

    inkadu

    Sucks! I dislocated my shoulder several times, and had to learn how to button and zip up my jeans one-handed….

    I’m seconding the recommendation for yaktrax or similar. I’ve tried the spikey kind, and the kind that have coil wraps. The spikey ones seem more for going on glaciers… for compact snow/ice, the coil wrapped ones seem fine. Of course, you’ll need two hands to get those things on, so best have a dedicated pair of shoes for ’em.

    I’d also like to respect you going galt, but I can’t imagine an activity less physically exhausting than blogging — even one handed (I’ve heard good things about “Dragon Naturally Speaking” voice recognition software, by the way — but I heard them all about eight years ago).

    If you do blog again soon, we’re going to have to come up with a way to quantify what dosage of various pain medications counts as +1.

    Feel better.

  191. 191.

    Dee Loralei

    Wow, just wow. Best wishes for a speedy recovery and a successful surgery. I wish I lived closer, I’d feed you and walk Lily and bring books and movies. Too bad the Leverage marathon was yesterday, that would be amusing on drugs.
    I hope your folks or Tammy can help after the operation.
    And if the drugs don’t work well enough, complain, they work differently on different people and for different pains. There is no reason whatsoever for you to be more miserable.
    And do let us know if there’s anyting we can do. Amazon has public wish lists if you get bored with the movies and books you have, we could contribute to that.
    Just take care and heal quickly, you obviously are important to us.

  192. 192.

    Pasquinade

    John, thank you so much for thinking of Lily first. Wishing you well on your surgery and quick recovery.

  194. 194.

    MattR

    @James K. Polk, Esq.:

    Time to make friends with ole’ Lefty…

    I know it’s not what you meant, but breaking my wrist in high school was the best thing that ever happened to my basketball game. Never did learn to write well left handed though.

    @WaterGirl: There ya go. Turning lemons to lemonade.

  196. 196.

    TooManyJens

    @inkadu:

    I can’t imagine an activity less physically exhausting than blogging—even one handed

    Maybe not physically exhausting, but a healing body does not need the added stress of reading idiot wingnuts every day.

  197. 197.

    AnneS

    You poor thing! Lily is a lucky girl to have you. Best of luck with the surgery. And what everyone else has said about feeling better.

  198. 198.

    Osceola

    Damn, John.

    Speedy and uneventful recovery from an orthopedic catastrophe from a former Obamabot.

    Take care.

  199. 199.

    Va Highlander

    Bless your heart, dude.

    And I must say that was an amazing save, protecting Lily like that.

    I’ve popped my shoulder back in place after dislocation. No, it doesn’t hurt so much as you’d think, but I still got nauseated the second time I had to do it.

  200. 200.

    Skepticat

    Not that there ever was a question, but it’s obvious that you have your priorities straight, going through self-sacrificing contortions to save Lily from harm. (Sorry, Shaun, most of us disagree with your position.) Such a shame that we hadn’t had the booties discussion a few days ago.

    I’ve had to use my EMT training on myself more than once (the damned Heimlich hurts), and am glad that you were able to do so much for yourself as first (and only) responder. Best wishes for a quick recovery. Please follow instructions usually given to Lily–HEAL.

  202. 202.

    tinat

    Damn, walking dogs in winter is dangerous!
    I once slipped (on a patch of ice at a Texas rest stop) while walking my dog and really shattered my radius and ulna bones at the wrist. I’m still afraid of ice 10 years later!
    I hope you have good drugs and friends to help dress you and cook for you for a bit…and someone to walk the dog for you!

  203. 203.

    Nikki

    Sorry about your accident. Glad Lily is ok. The booties do the job. My sister’s standard schnauzer, Frazier, won’t walk around the house on her hardwood floors without his because his claws can’t get a purchase. He has two or four sets for the house and a set that are padded with leather or a leather-like substance on the bottom to wear outside.

    Get well soon!

  204. 204.

    Meaderthal

    Dude! Kindly add “Don’t destroy own body” to your list of 2010 resolutions.

    Seriously, best wishes and I hope your recovery is swift.

  205. 205.

    Legalize

    You, sir, are hardcore indeed. I can’t even imagine dealing with that kind of nonsense. But, Jesus, Cole, be careful out there!

  207. 207.

    TuiMel

    So sorry to hear about your mishap and injury, John. I hope the surgery goes well, and I wish you a speedy, full recovery.

  209. 209.

    Nicole

    On behalf of all of us natural southpaws on Balloon Juice, I welcome our newest, albeit temporary, member. One of us, one of us!

    Speedy recovery to you, and the day you saw Lily at the shelter was the luckiest of her life. May we all be so fortunate as to have someone love us enough to be willing to break bones to protect us from harm.

  210. 210.

    Citizen_X

    Crap, Cole! That sucks^eleventy.

    Get well soon. Here’s hoping you get enough narcotics that Limbaugh starts stalking you.

    (Of course, if he does, there’s plenty of people here who would loovvve to volunteer for security detail.)

    Maybe you can follow Colbert’s lead and start a ScapulaStrong, uh, shoulder bracelet or something.

  211. 211.

    2th&nayle

    Holy Guacamole, Cole! Don’t be doin’ that kind of shit! Nice save though; if you fell hard enough to dislocate your wing, no tellin’ what would have happened to little Lily! Just glad you didn’t break your fall with your head. If you’d knocked yourself out, you might have been a icicle by the time anybody found you. Be more careful dammit! (end of sermon)

  212. 212.

    EL

    My sincere sympathy – get well soon!

    We’ll miss you, but don’t worry about us; we’ll just make ourselves at home around the place…

  213. 213.

    Jason B at Work

    Sorry to hear about your accident, John Cole. Hope you feel better soon, and as I’m sure has been said already, don’t be afraid to ask the doctor for more and better painkillers, because the default setting now is just to assume you are going to continuously bite on a stick.

  214. 214.

    MysticalChick

    YIKES! See what happens when you don’t pay attention to the messages of the Universe?? (mystical hat on) You were supposed to “go galt” a few days ago and yet you didn’t. Now look what happened. For reals, take time off. (mystical hat off)

    Clearly, you made a pact with the devil and he sent a patch of slippery ice to remind you it’s pay up time.

    Take lots of drugs and good care of yourself, JC. Here’s hoping we see either no John Cole (good for you) or a really drugged up John Cole (good for us). Either way, it’s a win.

    Feel better.

  215. 215.

    bystander

    BooYah! What a save. Lucky Lily.

    Best wishes on the recovery for this fracture repair.

    Small consolation. At least you won’t be having to figure out how to walk a dog on crutches… on the ice.

    Heal, John! Or, is that, heel!

  216. 216.

    Origuy

    Best wishes, John. Good instincts and reflexes to avoid landing on Lily. Remember that you don’t heal as fast as you did at 20 (speaking from experience.)

  218. 218.

    elmo

    Wow. Word to all the applause for being a hardcore badass Rambo — I’m sitting here two months after barely fracturing my fibula, making up excuses why I still can’t go to the gym (mustn’t rush the healing process!)

    Two suggestions for one-handed entertainment (get your mind outta the gutter, you perv):

    If you have a PlayStation 3, the PlayStation Store is an absolute gold mine of instant-download TV and movies. A little spendy, but worth it. They have everything, it’s amazing.

    Also, if you have a PlayStation 3, get Netflix. Netflix has an instant-view option that downloads to your PS3, that doesn’t cost any extra over the unlimited monthly membership fee.

    There’s nothing like getting completely caught up with a series that’s in its 3rd season by obsessively starting from the beginning and watching eppy after eppy marathon-style. (But if you pick something like the Sopranos to do that with, it’ll give you nightmares. Trust me.)

    Really, John, everybody here is wincing in sympathy and we all wish we could do something to help. Pity the Internets are so dangerous, or you could somehow let us know your home address so we could all send whiskey and porn cookies.

  219. 219.

    Xenos

    Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

    And thanks for taking care of Lily. I have not had a dog in years and can’t fit one into my life for the foreseeable future, but I really enjoy checking in and seeing her happy and thriving.

  220. 220.

    whetstone

    Got up and used a doorknob to pop my shoulder back in, and it kept popping out of joint

    Mercy. At least I know now that the surgery won’t be a problem for you. Get some rest and take care of yourself, John.

  221. 221.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    Jesus Christ. Will one of the many fine women here marry this man already? He smashed his shoulder to keep from hurting his dog for crying out loud. And then, in the ultimate act of DIY, tried to fix it himself.

    If you’re waiting for him to burst into your life and sweep you off your feet … Well, he can’t. HE SMASHED HIS SHOULDER TO KEEP FROM HURTING HIS DOG.

    Get well soon, Cole. Hope Tunch doesn’t give you too much shit.

  222. 222.

    IndyLib

    Gezus f’ing christmas tree, John. That sounds painful as hell.
    It has resulted in making me feel less sorry for the knee boo-boo i got day before yesterday. My 55 lb. sweet bundle of doggydom was barrelling, all out, up the driveway toward me and skidded on the plowed snow/ice sheet that is my driveway and took my kneecap out when she slid into me. I’ve had bad knees for years, but she managed to smack me at an unusual angle that pulled things that hadn’t previously been pulled in the direction they wen. I had to smack my knee cap back into place. The result was only a little swelling and limping though. I’m certainly not facing major surgery. Best wishes for a speedy recovery and really good drugs while the pain is bad.

  223. 223.

    Ash Can

    Holy fucking crap. I go do something constructive else for the morning and come back here and the joint’s a fucking disaster area. I’m not liking the pattern here — first Port-Au-Prince gets leveled, now Cole’s shot to hell. It’s as if the Four Horsemen are running loose and shitting on all the good karma they find. It ain’t right.

    Here’s wishing you a smooth and speedy recovery, and good drugs, brilliant doctors, and a physical therapist with a heart and conscience in the meantime.

  224. 224.

    L. Ron Obama

    Holy shit dude. Get well soon.

    I bet you will still be blogging under general anesthesia.

  226. 226.

    bcinaz

    Popped your bones back in with a doorknob? I think your testosterone levels are up not down. Endorphins too.

    Jeez – good luck with the surgery and get well soon.

  227. 227.

    licensed to kill time

    Wow John, when you decide to go Galt you do it with a vengeance! That sounds nasty – take care of yourself, man.

    I know what it’s like to do injury to yourself to avoid hurting your pet, broke an ankle that way. It’s quite admirable but boy, sometimes you have second thoughts, ya know? After the fact?

    Get well quick and try not to enjoy the heavy sedation too much ;-)

  228. 228.

    Blue Raven

    I think Super Dave Osborne phrased it best, John. “Record pain!” Rest up, heal cleanly, and thank you SO much for thinking of Lily in that as well. I dare Shaun to walk barefoot with pebbles caught between his toes before claiming Lily’s being pampered.

  230. 230.

    sw

    Aw, man, John. I hope you heal quickly. On the other hand, YOU DIDN’T MENTION TUNCH IN THIS POST.

    There. Feel better?

  231. 231.

    tesslibrarian

    Go Galt! It’s the only way to heal!

    The things we endure for our pets. I’m in week 4 of recovery from the staph infection I got from my cat’s ulcerated tumor the week before she died. I’ve never been so sick, and the weird pain killer haze on top of the grief were pretty awful. But I was with her when she died and on her last day (we lay in bed all day together), and for me, that makes it worth all the missed work and exhaustion.

    I’m impressed with all you were able to do after falling; I’ve done something far less to my shoulder (I’m not sure it entirely popped out before popping back in) and was stunned by how much it hurt.

    Advil and Ultram are a wonderful combination for this sort of thing, btw. So is holding completely still. But set alarms for your pain pills–that way you won’t miss a dose and won’t take them at the wrong time.

    Heal soon, and go galt. Stay away from news other than sports. Sleep as much as possible. It really will make a difference.

  232. 232.

    Wag

    I’m very sorry to hear what happened. On the upside, now we can look forward to hearing what you REALLY think abut the issues of the day, after the pain meds remove whatever filter you have that prevents you from screaming like a lunatic at whatever hogwash spouts of of the Right’s collective pie holes.

  234. 234.

    Laura Clawson

    Take care of yourself. Hope Lily appreciates what you did to save her from the fall…but also hope that during the time you can’t carry her she learns to walk outside when it’s cold.

  236. 236.

    Bnad

    Man that sounds bad. Get well soon. I’m sure Lily thanks you for not landing on her.
    I had a small fall this week running for a subway train. Slipped on the slippery yellow edge of the platform as I was trying to slow down for actual train entry and landed on my butt half in the car and half out. There was an audible gasp from the passengers. I was back on my feet in <1 second before any subway predators could maraud me. But it did hurt my sense of subway competence and subway-rider pride. No physical damage except for a slight wrist sprain.
    I believe that’s my first subway fall in 11 years of riding. Look forward to more (not)!

  237. 237.

    gypsy howell

    That sounds awful. And you’re still at your keyboard typing… why, exactly?

    Here’s to a speedy and not-too-painful recovery John.

    Tunch will no doubt cater to your every need.

  238. 238.

    JenJen

    Been off the internets all day. OMG, Cole! Having not read the comments, I’m sure I’m with everyone else in wishing you a speedy recovery. Ouch. :-(

  241. 241.

    oscarbob

    My sympathies John, I’m a veteran of about 50 shoulder dislocations and a surgery on each. I was never able to put mine back in with out help. The door knob thing gives me chills, and I never broke a bone! I do not envy the rehab post surgery. Stay warm and lubed up. Good luck next week.

  242. 242.

    daryljfontaine

    Good Galt, man, have a pain-free convalescence and a rapid recovery. That… ow. Just ow.

    D

  244. 244.

    inkadu

    Dear Lily,

    You have four legs and are low to the ground. John has two legs and has a long way to fall.

    I invite you to consider these facts next time you are facing an open door and deciding whether to step on that first cold step or look up piteously at your owner.

    I’m cc:’ing Tunch to make sure you get the message, little dog.

    Sincerely,
    inkadu

  245. 245.

    lawguy

    I hope you recover soon.

    On the plus side you do have a sense of humor about the whole thing, although I guess it could be drug induced.

  246. 246.

    mmc

    On the up side you now have a great explanation for why you’ll dress Lily in a sweater and booties in winter

  248. 248.

    gelfling545

    Should have bought those doggie boots yesterday. Best wishes for a successful recovery. I know you’re glad Lily is unharmed.

  249. 249.

    Ruckus

    This sounds worse than when I got hit by a truck.
    Hope your outcome is better than mine after 16 years.
    You don’t sound like the sort to milk this for all it’s worth but it does sound like you deserve to, for carrying your dog and then falling under her.
    Get better soon and hopefully have a 100% recovery.

  250. 250.

    BubbaDave

    Sympathy and best wishes and all that…

    But I would like to point out as a dyed-in-the-wool cat person that Tunch can walk to and from his litter box, by himself, without needing any carrying or forcing you to go out into icy sidewalks. Cats 1, dogs 0.

  251. 251.

    Jim Once

    Holy moly. Just reading what you wrote (and I cannot imagine how you could still write with such clarity) literally nauseated me. Get well, take lots of meds, and all the other good advice given here – and like others have said, if I could travel 1300 miles and help with pets, meals, and reading materials (not to mention any help needed with grading papers), I would.

  252. 252.

    Polish the Guillotines

    Holy shit. It hurts just to read what happened.

    I hope you recover quickly — but lesson learned, right? No more pacts with Beelzebub.

  253. 253.

    Nethead Jay

    Yeooowtch. Fuck, that sucks like like a nuclear-powered Hoover. Here’s to well-done surgery and a trouble-free recovery. Take advantage of the drugs available within reason and try to rest and conserve your energy, that should help with the healing, but you probably know that.

  254. 254.

    Nylund

    Something similar happened to me recently only I had someone around to drive me to the hospital. Will there ever be a Mrs. Cole?

  255. 255.

    Spike

    I had a similar fall from a bicycle onto my outstretched right arm back in 2008, only I pulverised the radius in my right wrist. Two surgeries and a graft from a bone taken out of my hip to put it back together.

    Sucks to get old, doesn’t it? Hope you get well soon.

  258. 258.

    Jean

    So sorry to hear about your accident. I fell two years ago (on the first day of vacation), and used my arm to protect my head. I had no broken bones, but my forearm was a mess for a few months. It happens so fast, and yet instinctive reactions, like protecting your head or your dog, are fast too. I hope your pain is relieved soon and the surgery goes well!

  259. 259.

    mandarama

    Jeeze Louise, John…so sorry to hear this. I hope you heal quickly and that the surgery goes well. I wish there was something we could do to help you. Uh, other than snark at you…we can bring you plenty of that.

  260. 260.

    thefncrow

    Yikes. Reminds me of a dog-related accident my mom had.

    She went to take one of the dogs out for a walk. Just outside the house, the dog’s still going a little crazy about getting to go for a walk, starts down the street, turns around and goes back to look at something, and then starts back on the walk, walking around the other side of my mom.

    At this point, the leash is wrapped around my mom, and she’s starting to spin to get it from being wrapped around her, when the dog sees a cat up the street and tries to run after it. Leash goes taut and takes her legs out from under her, she lands awkwardly on the ground, and broke her arm very badly, compound fracture. Worse yet, she’s in the grass in the front yard at the time, and that ends up exposing her to some nasty infections that it took months of serious antibiotics to get rid of.

    Hope for a speedy recovery.

  261. 261.

    Mary

    Get well soon John. It brought tears to my eyes to read about how you protected Lily even though you brutally hurt yourself. Here’s hoping she brings you great comfort during your recovery. Cheers to Tunch as well. Take care.

  262. 262.

    SarahLoving

    Team Cole!!! :(

    I hope your recovery is swift and there are nearby angels to help you out for a while… besides the pill kind.

  264. 264.

    Gotta Ask Why

    I did the same when a dog ran into the front wheel of my motorcycle sending me airborne. Unfortunately, you are in for a world of hurt. Take plenty of drugs and get well soon.

  267. 267.

    CynDee

    @shaun: Hey! If John thinks Lily needs boots, SHE NEEDS ‘EM. We ain’t there and HAVEN’T SEEN LILY’S FEET. Lily’s had enough toughing things out to last several lifetimes. Go out on the sidewalk in bare feet on the freezing sidewalks and see how YOU like it. For your information, Lily spent most of her life indoors in prison. Her feet may not be the same as other dogs’.

    For crying out loud, John knows what Lily needs; now everybody can it!

    Anybody still interested in beating on John because he says Lily needs boots, come down to Florida and this 66-year-old mom of one child and eight dogs will give you BOOTS. Whew! First I gotta lie down.

  268. 268.

    Cure 7802

    De-lurking…

    (John Cole in “Lethal Weapon 5”)

    Jesus Christ, man! Made mah knees weak reading that. Drink some pills, eat some booze, and lay off the doorknobs, m’kay? We need you out here.

    btw…you know this is all Rahms fault, don’t you?

    Re-lurking…

  269. 269.

    Mrs. Polly

    Mercy, Mr. Cole!

    Allow me to suggest looking into Mutt-luks for Lily’s tender feet; they take a little adjustment, but if introduced with treats and stroking, work excellently to preserve everybody’s limbs.

    And don’t forget to pat the dog, too.

    Heal! Good boy.

  270. 270.

    Antonius

    One more lurker catching up — ouch John, feel better. Good luck with the surgery. You have admirable split-second thinking, and gutsy recovery instincts. I’ll fight next to you anytime.

  271. 271.

    asiangrrlMN

    Cole, ouch ouch ouch. Thank you for thinking of Lily first, but seriously, that’s some major pain there. And, the worried mother in me (yes, I do have one, thankyewverymuch) is sincerely hoping you don’t repeat the ‘drive myself to the ER’ thing. You DO have someone to go with you when you have your surgery, yes?

    Take it easy. I hope someone is with you right now, attending to your every need. Get better soon, and I am with the others who are urging you to go Galt. We will miss you like hell, of course, but pictures of Tunchie will help soothe the ache.

  272. 272.

    Little Macayla's Friend

    Best wishes on your recovery John, and that pain meds plus ice plus whatever doesn’t lead to an additional accident.
    Just slipping on icy steps at home caused a fatal head injury to a neighbor of mine several years ago.

  273. 273.

    AkaDad

    A real American would have let the dog cushion the blow.

    I hope it doesn’t hurt when you laugh…

    Edit: I almost forgot to say take it easy and I hope that you heal fast.

  276. 276.

    Thoughtcrime

    Just be thankful it happened before Obama could set up the Death Panels.

    Seriously, though, so sorry to hear about your misfortune. Best of luck with the surgery and have a speedy and full recovery.

  277. 277.

    daverave

    Another multi-year lurker wishing you a speedy recovery, no lasting aftereffects and universal health care.
    Dave

  278. 278.

    Keith G

    Oh god, John. I came home a bit low due to a fricking day. Now it seems not so bad. You are quite the tough one.

    So. Ah. Need any help with that move?

  279. 279.

    Tax Analyst

    Jeez, I was busy at work and skipped past some threads and missed this. Sorry you eff’d up your shoulder, John.

    I guess I don’t have to tell you to take it easy. WTF else CAN you do, right?

    Several months ago I lost my balance getting into the shower…hit a slick spot of soap-scum or something. Sent my feet airborne and my face hurtling toward the tile wall, but fortunately I broke my fall with…um…my nose. Also put a nice, bleeding gash on my left shin-bone. Felt like a real jerk answering all the “what happened to you?” questions at work the next day. Finally starting telling people it was just one of my usual bar fights gone slightly bad.

    Hope your healing is fast and efficient. I recovered from my falling fiasco pretty quickly.

  283. 283.

    Debbie(aussie)

    Very late to this thread. Even so, John, my thoughts and best wishes are with you.
    You must be one of the luky ones to have good health insurance ;). Take care.

  284. 284.

    LightsOut

    Holy sh-t, man. That sucks. You’re lucky you’ve got TLC – Tunch and Lily’s Company.

    Seriously – take it easy and get better. I was already worried about your mental health before all this. (Was looking like the wingnuts and firebaggers were getting to you.)

  285. 285.

    Dylan

    John, at least you didn’t do a Vonnegut.

    Get well safely. And don’t do a damn fool thing like carrying your dog on ice again!

  286. 286.

    Little Dreamer

    Gosh, John – that sounds very painful.

    Nothing ever happens on my birthday, like clockwork, my birthday always goes off as one of those days when not a single thing interesting happens – until this year, it seems all sorts of stuff happened.

    I guess you don’t like my birthday much, sorry! I will consider adopting another one instead.

    Lily is okay? It sounds like it was a harrowing experience for both of you. :(

  287. 287.

    reality-based

    late to the party/wake for John’s scapula – but echoing the “get well” vibe.

    Door=knob orthopedics? On a fractured scapula? Living proof that Obama guys have Big Brass ones – you know that Rush would have needed a fistful of oxycodone before he even attempted to rise –

    Seriously – please tell your adoring fans that you have someone there – other than the darling furry ones – to help you? Have you had surgery before? Because you are going to need a LOT of help, in the three or four days afterwards. Trust me.

    Now is no time for testosterone. – either go to your Mom’s to be looked after – or I swear, covens of us BJ girls will hunt you down, move in on you, re-arrange your kitchen, traumatize your pets. make you Chinese chicken soup with lots of ginger, and spoon-feed you praline ice cream.

    really – wouldn’t Mom’s be easier?

  288. 288.

    kimba

    Glad Lily’s ok, and so sad to hear you’re not. I hope you heal quickly and with as little pain as possible.

  289. 289.

    c u n d gulag

    John,
    Good God and good luck!
    Heal quickly.
    Look on the bright side: You didn’t dislocate it, dressed in a scuba suit, by falling off a beam when you stepped in CRISCO where you were trying to place the rope to choke yourself with in the heat of an auto-erotic frenzy.

    Or, the dog is a really good cover story….

  290. 290.

    patty gann

    so sorry you got hurt! glad you didn’t hurt lily on your way down. hope you feel better soon.
    btw, had never seen a picture of you before; you’re cute as hell!!!!

  291. 291.

    Angela

    So when you blog and indicate how many cocktails you’ve had, are you going to now indicate how many pills you’ve popped? : )

    You’re a good dog parent — you took the fall in a way that protected your dog. I suspect she understood some of that (and has since forgotten about it).

    Maybe this awesome site and today’s photo (“Midshake”) will cure what ails ye:

    http://www.dailycoyote.net/

  293. 293.

    EPMason

    Wishing you a speedy recovery from Japan. If there is a silver lining it’s that you have been on fire over the day. Really enjoying the blog.

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