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You are here: Home / Humorous / I like this

I like this

by DougJ|  January 19, 20104:26 pm| 33 Comments

This post is in: Humorous, Good News For Conservatives

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I always get a kick out Andy Borowitz:

BOSTON (The Borowitz Report) – Firing up voters on the eve of the special election to fill the late Edward M. Kennedy’s Senate seat, Republican candidate Scott Brown spoke at a campaign rally today, proclaiming, “With your help, our dream of depriving millions of health care is within reach.”

“Let’s send a message, Massachusetts!” Mr. Brown exhorted the crowd. “Let’s tell people across the country that if they want health coverage, they are shit out of luck!”

An aide to Mr. Brown said that internal polling reveals that the Republican’s anti-healthcare message may be catching on: “Right now, Scott is showing a double-digit lead among people who describe themselves as douchebags.”

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Reader Interactions

33Comments

  1. 1.

    Buffalopundit

    January 19, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    Did Doug Hoffman win yet?

  2. 2.

    LanceThruster

    January 19, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    Too humor.

    xD

  3. 3.

    geg6

    January 19, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    @Buffalopundit:

    LOL! I’ve had that vibe since last Friday. Hope it turns out exactly the same.

  4. 4.

    Napoleon

    January 19, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    This is a bad sign, on Greg Sargent’s blog he is reporting e-mails and memos flying around from the Coakley campaign and a senior Dem who calls her campaign “the worst debacle in American political history.” The polls are not even closed and this is happening, which tells you how certain they see this as a loss.

  5. 5.

    SpotWeld

    January 19, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    If there just weren’t so many douchbags in Massachusettes

  6. 6.

    earlofscruggs

    January 19, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    By gum, the GOP will WIN, Obama will GO DOWN, the House and Senate will be OURS in 2010, the WH will be OURS in 2012…

    and we can FINALLY get back to governing this country like an 18th-century dukedom.

  7. 7.

    d0n camillo

    January 19, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    I was worried for a second that Brown really was polling better than Coakley among douchebags, especially in a special election.

    I just wish Intrade would let me fund my newly created account over the weekend so that I could by Coakley futures. Massachusetts is the blue equivalent of Kentucky in that they’ll vote for the Democrat no matter how shitty a campaigner. The Democrats could probably run the corpse of that preacher from Alabama complete with 2 wetsuits and a dildo and he’d probably be able to sqeak out a victory. Lucky for Coakley, he was a Republican.

  8. 8.

    John S.

    January 19, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    and we can FINALLY get back to governing this country like an 18th-century dukedom

    The people will get what they deserve. Apparently 8 years of W was not enough.

  9. 9.

    TooManyJens

    January 19, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    So, this is weird.

    Remember that thread yesterday about the weird phone call about Martha Coakley that also asked about the Holocaust and malaria? Looks like somebody is using the same number to make phone calls pretending to come from Massachussetts Citizens for Life, claiming that they oppose Scott Brown.

    My head hurts.

  10. 10.

    Bender

    January 19, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    I’ll do you one better, Doug.

    This one is — I shit you not — for real. Unbelievable. Regarding “The Ted Kennedy Seat:”

    [Chris Van Hollen of Maryland, chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee] said Republican predictions that the political climate had changed so much that they can capture the 40 seats needed to regain control of the House was “pure hallucination.”

    “Why would you hand the keys to the car back to the same guys whose policies drove the economy into the ditch and then walked away from the scene of the accident?” Van Hollen said.

    In a connected story, there are reports that a looming clown shoe shortage could push the price of size 48WW brogans up 50% by spring.

  11. 11.

    cyntax

    January 19, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    Does this mean we can put reconcilliation back on the table?

  12. 12.

    blogasita

    January 19, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    The sad part is I thought this was true until the last line!

  13. 13.

    Bender

    January 19, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    @TooManyJens:

    If AG Bell had known how the telephone would be used to try to fool the voting public, he likely would’ve ditched it and devoted his time to his first idea, the vagina flashlight.

  14. 14.

    satch

    January 19, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    I just came here from Digby’s shop, and the glee from “progressive” commenters at what they think will be a Coakley loss is mind bending. These morons remind me of the old joke: A not-too-bright husband says to his wife: “If I ever find out you’re cheating on me, I’ll kill myself, and then I’ll kill YOU!”

  15. 15.

    arguingwithsignposts

    January 19, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    So apparently, the Boston Globe mistakenly published a report that Coakley had won, and then retracted it on their web site. Not sure if anyone has screen caps, but damn, if that isn’t stupid.

    ETA: and here’s a link from the Boston Phoenix.

    [Associated Press] was testing an election data feed to its Massachusetts clients. During corresponding tests at our end, the feed of AP’s hypothetical test data was inadvertently posted for a few minutes on a single subsection page within our site. As soon as the error was discovered, it was removed. We regret the mishap.

  16. 16.

    Bender

    January 19, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    Yeah, there are caps.

    Boy, Big Media is so awesome! They’ll never go out of business!

  17. 17.

    chopper

    January 19, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    man, am i glad peak wingnut already occurred and the idea of a teabagger winning teddy kennedy’s senate seat is just a delusion.

  18. 18.

    Bubblegum Tate

    January 19, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    @Napoleon:

    “The worst debacle in American political history” is hyperbolic, but not extremely so. Seldom has the game of politics been played so poorly.

  19. 19.

    JGabriel

    January 19, 2010 at 5:18 pm

    Van Hollen, as quoted by Bender:

    “Why would you hand the keys to the car back to the same guys whose policies drove the economy into the ditch and then walked away from the scene of the accident?” Van Hollen said.

    Sounds eminently sensible to the sane among us, Bender. Or do you forget that the economy crashed on Bush’s watch?

    Because, you know, most of us don’t.

    .

  20. 20.

    Bender

    January 19, 2010 at 5:26 pm

    @JGabriel:

    No one ever said being perceptive was your strong suit, JG.

    Hint: Ted Kennedy, car, walked away from the scene…

  21. 21.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    January 19, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    Somebody explain to me again why we need 60 Democratic (or 59 Democratic and 1 narcissistic bastard) Senators to pass HCR. Why isn’t a simple majority good enough? Serious question.

    Why is a Brown win the end of HCR?

  22. 22.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    January 19, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    @Bender: Yeah, that’s an unfortunate image in context…

  23. 23.

    TooManyJens

    January 19, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    @Grumpy Code Monkey: Because the Republicans can and will filibuster forever, and will suffer no consequences for doing so.

  24. 24.

    Bubblegum Tate

    January 19, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    @Grumpy Code Monkey:

    Because of potential Republican filibusters and actual Democratic idiocy.

  25. 25.

    HyperIon

    January 19, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    My local paper carries The Borowitz Report. I never think it’s funny. I saw him being the entertainment at some business conference on CSPAN a couple of weeks ago and the audience wasn’t laughing. But he was. It was so awkward I had to click away. So I’m puzzled by:

    I always get a kick out Andy Borowitz.

    Why?

  26. 26.

    Sly

    January 19, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    @Bubblegum Tate:

    Because of potential Republican filibusters and actual Democratic idiocy.

    I always like how, no matter how self-serving and corrupt the GOP can get, liberals always make the effort to blame themselves whenever anything bad happens.

  27. 27.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    January 19, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    Great. At this rate, we’ll need a supermajority to pass a goddamned non-binding resolution by 2020.

  28. 28.

    Thoughtcrime

    January 19, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    @SpotWeld:

    “If there just weren’t so many douchbags in Massachusettes”

    Or so many Brown Massholes.

  29. 29.

    Darryl

    January 19, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    “Let’s send a message, Massachusetts!” Mr. Brown exhorted the crowd. “Let’s tell people across the country that if they want health coverage, they are shit out of luck!”

    I almost never find Borowitz funny, but that was good.

  30. 30.

    Darryl

    January 19, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    I just wish Intrade would let me fund my newly created account over the weekend so that I could by Coakley futures.

    That site’s been mostly down for me all day.

  31. 31.

    Legalize

    January 19, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    I’m buying stock in the word “Massholes.” Can’t miss.

  32. 32.

    Bubblegum Tate

    January 19, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    @Sly:

    The Democrats’ inability to get out of their own fucking way is one of the major reasons why I’m not a Democrat.

  33. 33.

    gil mann

    January 19, 2010 at 9:40 pm

    @HyperIon:

    Why?

    It kinda figures that someone who uses the phrase “I get a kick out of____” would like Borowitz, doesn’t it?

    Which makes me either ageist or a comedy snob. Probably the latter, since I haven’t watched The Tonight Show since Johnny left yet can’t bear the thought of Leno getting it back.

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