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How can republicans represent us when they don’t trust women?

Baby steps, because the Republican Party is full of angry babies.

“I never thought they’d lock HIM up,” sobbed a distraught member of the Lock Her Up Party.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

“What are Republicans afraid of?” Everything.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

“And when the Committee says to “report your income,” that could mean anything!

T R E 4 5 O N

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

Republicans don’t trust women.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

This really is a full service blog.

It’s a doggy dog world.

In after Baud. Damn.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

One of our two political parties is a cult whose leader admires Vladimir Putin.

Ron DeSantis, the grand wizard, oops, governor of FL

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

That pie keeps getting more and more forks, reducing anyone’s chance of even a Perot.

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I like this

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I always get a kick out Andy Borowitz:

BOSTON (The Borowitz Report) – Firing up voters on the eve of the special election to fill the late Edward M. Kennedy’s Senate seat, Republican candidate Scott Brown spoke at a campaign rally today, proclaiming, “With your help, our dream of depriving millions of health care is within reach.”

“Let’s send a message, Massachusetts!” Mr. Brown exhorted the crowd. “Let’s tell people across the country that if they want health coverage, they are shit out of luck!”

An aide to Mr. Brown said that internal polling reveals that the Republican’s anti-healthcare message may be catching on: “Right now, Scott is showing a double-digit lead among people who describe themselves as douchebags.”

Reader Interactions

33Comments

  4. 4.

    Napoleon

    This is a bad sign, on Greg Sargent’s blog he is reporting e-mails and memos flying around from the Coakley campaign and a senior Dem who calls her campaign “the worst debacle in American political history.” The polls are not even closed and this is happening, which tells you how certain they see this as a loss.

  6. 6.

    earlofscruggs

    By gum, the GOP will WIN, Obama will GO DOWN, the House and Senate will be OURS in 2010, the WH will be OURS in 2012…

    and we can FINALLY get back to governing this country like an 18th-century dukedom.

  7. 7.

    d0n camillo

    I was worried for a second that Brown really was polling better than Coakley among douchebags, especially in a special election.

    I just wish Intrade would let me fund my newly created account over the weekend so that I could by Coakley futures. Massachusetts is the blue equivalent of Kentucky in that they’ll vote for the Democrat no matter how shitty a campaigner. The Democrats could probably run the corpse of that preacher from Alabama complete with 2 wetsuits and a dildo and he’d probably be able to sqeak out a victory. Lucky for Coakley, he was a Republican.

  8. 8.

    John S.

    and we can FINALLY get back to governing this country like an 18th-century dukedom

    The people will get what they deserve. Apparently 8 years of W was not enough.

  10. 10.

    Bender

    I’ll do you one better, Doug.

    This one is — I shit you not — for real. Unbelievable. Regarding “The Ted Kennedy Seat:”

    [Chris Van Hollen of Maryland, chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee] said Republican predictions that the political climate had changed so much that they can capture the 40 seats needed to regain control of the House was “pure hallucination.”

    “Why would you hand the keys to the car back to the same guys whose policies drove the economy into the ditch and then walked away from the scene of the accident?” Van Hollen said.

    In a connected story, there are reports that a looming clown shoe shortage could push the price of size 48WW brogans up 50% by spring.

  13. 13.

    Bender

    @TooManyJens:

    If AG Bell had known how the telephone would be used to try to fool the voting public, he likely would’ve ditched it and devoted his time to his first idea, the vagina flashlight.

  14. 14.

    satch

    I just came here from Digby’s shop, and the glee from “progressive” commenters at what they think will be a Coakley loss is mind bending. These morons remind me of the old joke: A not-too-bright husband says to his wife: “If I ever find out you’re cheating on me, I’ll kill myself, and then I’ll kill YOU!”

  15. 15.

    arguingwithsignposts

    So apparently, the Boston Globe mistakenly published a report that Coakley had won, and then retracted it on their web site. Not sure if anyone has screen caps, but damn, if that isn’t stupid.

    ETA: and here’s a link from the Boston Phoenix.

    [Associated Press] was testing an election data feed to its Massachusetts clients. During corresponding tests at our end, the feed of AP’s hypothetical test data was inadvertently posted for a few minutes on a single subsection page within our site. As soon as the error was discovered, it was removed. We regret the mishap.

  17. 17.

    chopper

    man, am i glad peak wingnut already occurred and the idea of a teabagger winning teddy kennedy’s senate seat is just a delusion.

  18. 18.

    Bubblegum Tate

    @Napoleon:

    “The worst debacle in American political history” is hyperbolic, but not extremely so. Seldom has the game of politics been played so poorly.

  19. 19.

    JGabriel

    Van Hollen, as quoted by Bender:

    “Why would you hand the keys to the car back to the same guys whose policies drove the economy into the ditch and then walked away from the scene of the accident?” Van Hollen said.

    Sounds eminently sensible to the sane among us, Bender. Or do you forget that the economy crashed on Bush’s watch?

    Because, you know, most of us don’t.

    .

  21. 21.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    Somebody explain to me again why we need 60 Democratic (or 59 Democratic and 1 narcissistic bastard) Senators to pass HCR. Why isn’t a simple majority good enough? Serious question.

    Why is a Brown win the end of HCR?

  25. 25.

    HyperIon

    My local paper carries The Borowitz Report. I never think it’s funny. I saw him being the entertainment at some business conference on CSPAN a couple of weeks ago and the audience wasn’t laughing. But he was. It was so awkward I had to click away. So I’m puzzled by:

    I always get a kick out Andy Borowitz.

    Why?

  26. 26.

    Sly

    @Bubblegum Tate:

    Because of potential Republican filibusters and actual Democratic idiocy.

    I always like how, no matter how self-serving and corrupt the GOP can get, liberals always make the effort to blame themselves whenever anything bad happens.

  27. 27.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    Great. At this rate, we’ll need a supermajority to pass a goddamned non-binding resolution by 2020.

  29. 29.

    Darryl

    “Let’s send a message, Massachusetts!” Mr. Brown exhorted the crowd. “Let’s tell people across the country that if they want health coverage, they are shit out of luck!”

    I almost never find Borowitz funny, but that was good.

  30. 30.

    Darryl

    I just wish Intrade would let me fund my newly created account over the weekend so that I could by Coakley futures.

    That site’s been mostly down for me all day.

  32. 32.

    Bubblegum Tate

    @Sly:

    The Democrats’ inability to get out of their own fucking way is one of the major reasons why I’m not a Democrat.

  33. 33.

    gil mann

    @HyperIon:

    Why?

    It kinda figures that someone who uses the phrase “I get a kick out of____” would like Borowitz, doesn’t it?

    Which makes me either ageist or a comedy snob. Probably the latter, since I haven’t watched The Tonight Show since Johnny left yet can’t bear the thought of Leno getting it back.

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