Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

We will not go back.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

Baby steps, because the Republican Party is full of angry babies.

Books are my comfort food!

The fundamental promise of conservatism all over the world is a return to an idealized past that never existed.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

75% of people clapping liked the show!

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

Sadly, media malpractice has become standard practice.

Republicans: The threats are dire, but my tickets are non-refundable!

Dear elected officials: Trump is temporary, dishonor is forever.

Many life forms that would benefit from greater intelligence, sadly, do not have it.

Never give a known liar the benefit of the doubt.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

A norm that restrains only one side really is not a norm – it is a trap.

They don’t have outfits that big. nor codpieces that small.

SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

This must be what justice looks like, not vengeful, just peaceful exuberance.

You cannot shame the shameless.

“In this country American means white. everybody else has to hyphenate.”

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Reader Interactions

43Comments

  1. 1.

    jeffreyw

    Worst thing ever was the invention of fucking rings tones. I was chatting with a neighbor and I hear someone holler “hey you” and I’m lookin around to see who the fuck was so fucking rude and the neighbor pulls his cell phone out of his shirt pocket, which answered my question.

  2. 2.

    Mike E

    GEICO is fukking brilliant in positioning their brand. The Neandersexuals campaign is now past annoying (as is the money googly) but everybody now knows their car ins.

  3. 3.

    Adam Collyer

    That.was.awesome.

    Thanks John, I spent a good minute and a half with my roommate just playing that and cracking up hysterically.

    And if anyone knows how to get that on my LG Voyager (which is not a smartphone, unfortunately), I’ll be indebted to you forever.

  4. 4.

    MikeJ

    Print the word “gecko”on a piece of paper.
    Put the paper atop your phone.
    Use a largish hammer to force it into the phone.

    Even if you don’t thank me, those who are near you IRL will.

  5. 5.

    Punchy

    That’s precisely the over-the-top annoying ring that will eventually cause someone riding in the train or subway car next to you to stand up, rip your phone out of your hands, and stomp it to death. Also, see co-workers and peeps in line behind you at Popeye’s.

    Edit: I see me and MikeJ think alike

  7. 7.

    Morgan

    Thanks, John. Despite the negative comments of some here, I may have to make that my ringtone for at least a little while. :)

    What kind of phone do you have?

  8. 8.

    jeffreyw

    And don’t even get me started on those fuckers with a cell phone voice that is twice as loud as their fucking conversational voice, like they are yelling across the god damn street at a long lost buddy.

  11. 11.

    Nicholas Beaudrot

    This worked for me when I was setting my ringtone to a random .wav file:

    Find the audio in some form … there are ways to extract the audio from Youtube if you can’t find it anywhere else.

    Convert it to mp3. You can use CDex if you don’t have anything already.

    Rename the .mp3 file to a .mid file

    Using whatever email-to-MMS converter your carrier provides (on verizon you send email to [email protected]) email the .mid file as an attachment.

    You can then save the clip as a ringtone that you can select.

  13. 13.

    Eric

    FWIW, to put this onto my iPhone, I just dropped the file into iTunes. No idea how it works on a different phone though.

    My coworkers thought the ‘ring a ding ding ding dong’ ringtone was fantastic the first and second time. Now they hate it, which actually makes me love it more.

  14. 14.

    Jill (aka jwh186)

    John,

    I’ve extracted the audio and am opening an application to convert it to a .mid file, as suggested, and will email it to you.

    Hope you’re shoulder is feeling better!

  16. 16.

    PurpleGirl

    I don’t think I want it as ring tone on my cell but I like the sound. May download to my desktop for random giggles.

  18. 18.

    JenJen

    Oooh. I want the Travelocity Gnome singing “da la da da da deee-deee duh.” Seriously, I love that commercial, and I am not a lover of commercials (hence my early-Tivo adoption).

  19. 19.

    burnspbesq

    I don’t know whether it is in the current version, but there used to be a feature in iTunes that would allow you to isolate a snippet from a song and turn it into a ringtone. Was teh awesome. When I am in an airport or a conference, and I hear the beginning of the intro to the live version of “Sweet Jane,” I don’t have to guess whose phone is ringing.

  21. 21.

    Steeplejack

    Off topic, but Rear Window just started on BBC America. I can’t decide whether Cole should or should not see it. The parallels are painful. Except for Grace Kelly. Cole needs a Grace Kelly.

  22. 22.

    Steeplejack

    @burnspbesq:

    Wow. That feature alone could almost get me to use iTunes. Or maybe motivate me to read up on Audacity to see how to do it there.

  23. 23.

    RareSanity

    Uh…what phone do you have?

    It seems like people know you have an iPhone, is that’s true, just download it to your computer, import it into iTunes, and drag it to the “Ringtones” playlist.

    I actually have an Android phone, so if you wanted instructions on that or a Blackberry, I could post them.

  24. 24.

    Jennifer

    Funny you should bring this up. I just got a new blackberry storm, and was wanting a good ringtone. So I go to the Verizon online store and find out they want $2.99 per ringtone, and most of them aren’t cut in a way that makes them annoying.

    So I went to the crackberry.com website and found out how to make ringtones out of any mp3 file. They have a pretty good collection of free ringtones people have made and uploaded to the site, but they still didn’t have exactly what I was looking for. I’ve got my heart set on “Boogie Chillen” by John Lee Hooker; also want a good snip of “Long Gone Lonesome Blues” by Hank Williams Sr, and various and sundry other clips of tunes.

    None of them will be as good as what I’ve got on my personal cell though – it’s the Peanuts theme music. It makes everyone happy.

  25. 25.

    Jon

    @20 – Grace Kelly, in that movie, is the single hottest human female ever created. I will brook no argument.

  27. 27.

    JGabriel

    John Cole, if we were out in public together and your phone went off with that ringtone, I’d punch you in the neck.

    Maybe not right now, because of the whole “I’m a crip with a shattered shoulder from saving a widdle puppy” routine. But eventually.

    .

  29. 29.

    Kiril

    I don’t know what kind of phone you have, but why not just connect it to your USB port and drag it?

  31. 31.

    Ruckus

    @MikeJ:
    FTW. I always like proper technical instructions.

    What I notice is that the more annoying the tune/tone is, the louder people have it set. It’s like wearing a pink shirt, green tie and orange pants, it shows you are either tone deaf or hate/like to piss off your fellow humans. But other than that it’s just fun.

  33. 33.

    nilsey

    ha, i would suggest throwing your phone at the computer, as hard as you can, while that youtube clip is playing.

    i guarantee that something good will happen if you follow those instructions.

  35. 35.

    salparadise

    Most phones these days will accept an mp3 as a ringtone, so there shouldn’t be any need to convert this to anything.

    If your phone has a microSD card slot – get a microSD card (you can find them for about $5 just about anywhere) – copy it to the card & pop it in your phone.

    Alternately, you may be able to connect your phone to your PC with a USB cable (provided you have the right kind for your phone) & you can copy it there – you may need some kind of “connection suite” for your make of phone go download it if you haven’t already.

  36. 36.

    Mattsky

    John you really must be a masochist. First you became a Democrat now this ring tone. What else? A bull whips or a cane perhaps?

  37. 37.

    BruceK

    I just use an MP3 of the Universal Studios 1950’s telephone ring stock sound effect, myself.

  41. 41.

    Shawn

    The funniest ring-tone story: Our company added this item to our before take-off check-list:

    Electronic Devices- off Capt/FO

    Apparently some pilot had a ringtone that was the same as the cockpit “Windshear” alert and it went off on the take-off roll because they had not shut their phones off. The captain aborted the take-off before the crew figured out what had happened. Ah, well, red faces all around…

    f.y.i… we frequently don’t shut our phones off in the cockpit because we sometimes need to talk to Maintenance or Dispatch right before take-off. Most of us remember to shut them off before we roll down the runway, but there’s that 1%…

  43. 43.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    The first time I saw that commercial I thought “If I had a cell phone that is the exact ring tone I would get” )

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