Felt pretty good when I woke up this morning, and then I went to rehab with a cute little perky therapist whose name I forget, but I think it might have been Dr. Mengele. I’m on to their ruse, though. Distract me with attractive and harmless looking females and hope I won’t notice THAT THEY ARE TORTURING ME.
Now my shoulder is throbbing and I think I need a good cry.
carlos the dwarf
/lets get that one out of the way
I can’t imagine what you are going through. Rehab is brutal–that’s why they are always making those movies about it with beautiful nurses and meaningful new relations between curmudeonly you and some super helpful physical therapist who teaches you how to value life again. Because if it were so nice, everyone would be wanting to do it.
Hang in there. Try to sleep as much as possible to speed the healing process. At least for a little while longer.
Ah, it’s just a harmless fraternity prank.
Keep on keeping on John, it is going to take some time to rehab the mess you made out of your shoulder. And when you get well, two words: dog footies.
Any evil plot can be brought to fruition with the help of attractive women. It’s just a known fact of the universe.
So sorry – I knew it would come to that sooner or later. I was hoping you would not have my experiences at PT.
I had to cover my mouth so I would not laugh out loud in the office. You describe it perfectly.
Best wishes and sympathy, John. Hope this most painful part of the process doesn’t last too much longer.
Besides, everyone needs a good cry now and then (especially when it’s totally justifiable).
“… attractive and harmless looking females…”
Always the most dangerous of the species.
Grumpy Code Monkey
Like I said in an earlier thread, shit’s gonna hurt, and there’s no shame in making noise when it does. I know my wrist hurt like hell for several weeks and there were several times in PT when I screamed like a grown man. I can’t imagine what your shoulder must feel like, but this is all part of the process.
It does end, eventually.
General Winfield Stuck
Suck it up dude/ What would Steely Mcbeam think? A little pain’ll put hair on yer chest.
One of the most beautiful girls I ever met was the PT tech who did my PT after I broke my back. I know exactly what you’re feeling.
Awww, poor John. Hang in there! It’s all going to be okay.
But you go ahead and cry.
@Sentient Puddle: Which does beg the question: why aren’t women in charge?
Lord, Dude. I cannot imagine the shit you need to go thru with this. Its better than having to look for your family in a pile of cinder blocks in Port-au-Prince, but it still must suck mightily.
@Carnacki: Second most dangerous species, right after a clever sheep.
Much sympathy John. Sleep as much as you can, keep the shoulder iced and hang in. It should get easier but it takes time.
No pain, no gain! But seriously, it is good for you and it’s how you’ll get better over time. Doesn’t make it any easier now. I’m so sorry you’re in pain. Definitely take the pain medication and go heavy on the ice. And whatever else they tell you to do.
Does Lily know just how far you’ll go for her? She’s a lucky dog!
Sorry to hear PT is misery in disguise. Hug your doggie with the good arm you have.
Physical therapists are from hell. Part of their training is in extreme sadism. Part of it is in presenting cheerful enthusiasm while inflicting torture. After they have served 15 years in physical therapy, they go to work for the CIA.
I’m sorry to hear you’re hurting.
But next time, could you do me a small favor? Since she’s cute, get her number for me, would you?
Beautiful shot Jeffrey!
Florence Nightingale strikes again!
@Comrade javafascist: Good question. All I know is that it’s happening one day, and I’m powerless to stop it. I, for one, welcome our new attractive women overlords.
General Winfield Stuck
Looks like MR. Sparrow Hawk. Great shot!!
Hang in. Rehab is a bitch under any circumstances, but given the nature of your injury, it weren’t gonna be anything but ugly.
Still. Lily is injury free. And, loves you to death. So, you have to remind yourself from time to time, that if it were Lily going through this surgery/rehab experience it would be even more painful for you to watch, than to experience it yourself.
I sympathize, I truly do. I hope you get better soon.
And just to rile you up with anger and annoyance to get beyond the tears, I think you have the injury version of the man-cold: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfNhexa67ss
OMG John, this is the funniest post evah. I know you are feeling terrible but your theory about women as distraction just made me laugh.
Really sorry that you are feeling sore and in pain after rehab. Hang in there.
Just sing the Amy Winehouse song about rehab and you’ll feel better for a few minutes.
@soonergrunt: Those cute ones are always masochists. It’s sick.
J. Michael Neal
I’ve noticed that the population of physical therapists is increasingly becoming middle aged. I think this is because, with the Stasi going out of business 20 years ago, the top educational program in the industry is no longer producing graduates.
For more torture, don’t forget to call your Representatives about health care today. For even more torture, call your Republican Reps. Fun!
@General Winfield Stuck: Not sure what it is, but I’m leaning Cooper’s Hawk.
do EVERYTHING that your therapist says, and then some.
it’s throbbing because it’s healing.
Could your physical therapist be in cahoots with a certain white kitteh?
Tunch’s influence knows no bounds. Heck, judging from the photos, Tunch knows no bounds.
Xechy already did the fraternity prank thing, so I got nothing.
But sympathy. Lots o’ sympathy.
Cowboy up, soldier. Just remind yourself that it’s good for you.
Seriously, take the pain; it’s a fair bargain. Your pain today is nothing compared to the lifetime mental anguish of a shoulder that healed improperly.
(Do I get to be Cute Therapist’s Assistant now?)
@Bill H: or HR.
Crying is good. Nothing will get the “cute little perky therapist whose name you forgot,” faster to your side than some nice “manly” tears to dry….
General Winfield Stuck
@jeffreyw: Here is the Sparrow Hawk
When I went to post-op rehab for my broken finger, the therapist was a tiny elfin woman about 4′ tall. Four feet of pain.
This particular one was only a masochist with her patients. I married her after a long chase and short engagement, and she’s been my best friend for 17 years.
No comments from the peanut gallery regarding what this says about me, that I’d marry my torturer, either.
It was entirely those blue eyes so striking that I could just fall into them and swim around all day. They’re still like that.
I hope it wasn’t your you know what harm. Brutal.
General Winfield Stuck
@Annie: Maybe. But there’s no crying in football.
The worst part is they don’t ask you any questions. It is torture for torture’s sake. Your friend in the Dagobah System will soon be walking into a trap.
If you’re not ready to call down curses upon your PT and seven generations from them in either direction by the end of a session, they’re doing it wrong. Hang in there, and don’t be afraid to use the ice machine.
I reached the same conclusion about physical therapists 33 years ago after surgery on my dislocated kneecap. The post-surgery pain and fever weren’t nearly as onerous as the rehab. Only my PT wasn’t quite cute enough to distract me from the pain.
Huh! So all we had to do was call what we did to the terrorists “Rehab” and we’d be golden!
@General Winfield Stuck:
Here he is a bit closer.
The Grand Panjandrum
Torture? You are the one who is doing the torturing … constantly whining about a shoulder injury … withholding Tunch and Lily pics … bringing in a new front pager to write about fucking soccer? What? Couldn’t find anyone to write about golf or bowling? Jesus!
BTW I hope your recovery and rehab continues.
General Winfield Stuck
@jeffreyw: Yea, looks bigger in this one. Prolly too big for a SH.
Sock Puppet of the Great Satan
Sorry, Physical Therapists have godlike powers of healing, IMHO. Without mine, I’d be shriveled up.
It’s a shame that you need a referral from a doctor to see them, because otherwise there wouldn’t be as many chiropractor quacks out there.
And a rear view.
Geez, John Cole, I feel so bad for all of your shoulder pain. I’ve never been through surgery or rehab so I take your word that it’s bad. Sending good, pain-free wishes your way.
@jeffreyw: Just wanted to tell you I love your food/pet/wild critter pix. The captions always make me chuckle.
There’s a reason people like me who’ve done lots and lots of physio tend to call them “physical terrorists.” If you haven’t screamed “I don’t bend that way!” you are not in the world-class league of physiotherapy victims yet.
That said, my last PT was wonderful and when she stretched my shoulders for me, I’d damn near cry with relief.
Jeffreyw: you are the king of the hummingbirds!
John: I have a friend who’s a PT. Srsly, she says she tries to stay cheerful in a bid to convince herself that she’s not a horrible person for inflicting pain for a living. Sort of like double denial I guess.
Lily is lucky, but how’s the big Tunch-er taking it?
But at least you have a good excuse to start drinking before noon!
You Don't Say
I’ve had PT twice for more minor problems than yours and I too was lulled into thinking it would be enjoyable. It never was.
Bad Horse's Filly
I don’t know why, but when I read your post, all I could think of was the torture machine scene in Princess Bride. Feel better soon.
@General Winfield Stuck:
Except if you are a Brown’s fan….
What rikyrah said. Every time you slack off, you’re opting for reduced mobility and pain for the rest of your life. I want you in top pol-bashing and pet-promoting condition :-)
licensed to kill time
I think it’s great that you haven’t lost your sense of humor despite the severe torture that perky wily femme inflicted upon you.
Dog knows I was a whiny baby when I went through something similar. Kudos, JC!
:( I’m sorry it hurts so much, John. I hope you can arrange to have some nice distractions/treats after the sessions until your shoulder calms down.
@jeffreyw: my god, where do you *live*?? (don’t want your address, just wondering what part of the country, what kind of place) sweet shot, man, thanks.
@soonergrunt: damn. it’s pretty clear why she married you! :) cheers!
@Bad Horse’s Filly: I love that movie.
I experienced the pleasure of “Deep Tissue Massage” a couple of years ago. Prior to that time, I thought that I had a fairly high tolerance for pain.
The PT who did the Deep Massage disabused me of that notion, within the first 30 seconds or so.
Or a Steelers fan …
My last therapist was a dead ringer for Bridget Fonda. Over the course of each session, I went from wanting to have sex with her to wanting to hit her upside the head with a baseball bat.
@Chat Noir: Thanks!
My niece is a Physical Therapist and I know why she chose that profession. She is a sadist who torments her kids and husband with demands and bad moods and displays of temper. Everyone in the family thinks she nuts and I have enormous pity for her patients because I know she enjoys inflicting pain.
And she was such a shy, sweet kid. But still, still water runs deep.
I’m not sure this is funny or an appropriate comparison.
Not at all, I bow to the master.
Out in the boonies in Glorious Southern Illinois!
General Winfield Stuck
@Annie: We have no tears left. Woof! Woof!
@soonergrunt: Awww…. that story gives me the warm fuzzies.
God bless PTs. It’s amazing to me that you can be in agony and yet they’re fully aware your body is perfectly capable of doing more. When I broke my knuckle the doctor told me flat-out he wasn’t sure I’d get full mobility back, but my PT made sure i did.
@soonergrunt: You too?
My wife is a PT…in fact she teaches at the college level. We had been going together for about 4 months, when I threw my back out trying to move a TV. I had visions of months of therapy and heavy narcotics, when she told me to lay on the floor, and then she did something with my knees.
The pain vanished *like that*.
I could only imagine that she had some kind of pipeline to the almighty…not wanting to get on the bad side of someone with that kind of juice, I figured I’d better marry her.
@jeffreyw: cool. i’m in “east central Illinois,” and not in the boonies. thx for the pix!
Unless you want the same range of motion as John “Hunchy” McCain, best to play along with Ms. Mengele. Work through the throbbing now and you’ll see the benefits for the rest of your life – wuss out, and you’ll spend your remaining days asking for help getting things off the top grocery store shelf.
@Sock Puppet of the Great Satan: Another view: 23 years ago, I was stopped for traffic and a car going 40mph rammed mine from the rear.
After agonizingly visiting the 12 MDs and physical therapists I was referred to, and paying them thousands of dollars, I found two great chiropractors who are the only reason I’ve been walking around since then.
John: How about we send all our doggehs and kittehs there to BITE HER and cuddle up to you? You are in our thoughts. One day this will all be in the past.
When I went thru shoulder therapy, my therapist would quietly point out that I was getting close to hyperventilating from pain. I’d protest that my arm couldn’t possibly go in that direction and she’d point out that if I tried it with my good arm, it would go in that direction easily. I was amazed to discover that she was right.
PT really does suck but it’ll be over some day. The benefit of increased mobility in the future is worth the pain now. Take care and good luck.
Around this time last year, I was still stuck in my niece’s bed at my parent’s house, still hobbling around on crutches, taking showers with a broken man’s effeciency, a shower chair, and a big hefty bag wrapped around a boot, sticking out of the tub.
During the moments where it got quiet, between sleep and awake, between snowed by ridiculous pain meds and lucid, I did cry once or twice. I never found myself crying because of the pain. I’d well up, and adrenaline would kick in and have me shaking, but this was more of an emotional release.
I had just put my body through trauma, twice. Once, slipping on ice and breaking bones with the mass and force of the rest of my body, and the second time, when they cut me open to put me back together.
Trauma is emotional, and sometimes a good cry can be exactly the thing you need. And sometimes you can get a little emo because other people out there are playing ME2.
To cheer you up, Michael Steele is saying he wants to put more quarters in his gaffe-machine jukebox.
“Accidents happen, baby.”
Better days are coming, John. You’ll be amazed at how your range of motion will start to come back.
So does Lily smile just for you, like this dog does?
So you cracked in the first 30 seconds and spilled the contact information of all of us BJ posters, right? ‘Cause we all know that torture works so well and all. Well, so help me, if some rogue Bush-era lower-level Homeland Security holdover shows up on my doorstep, I’m going to pound lumps on him with a shovel, ship him to the White House with a sign reading “PAST EXPIRATION DATE” stapled to his ass, and then have a talk with Tunch about how to handle your little PT problem.
@Captain Goto: The last thing I remember was drifting off to sleep in a Blackhawk helicopter. Some screaming and bright flashes. Then I woke up in the ER of the base hospital totally immobilized and unable to feel anything from mid-chest down. The feeling returned to my lower body over the next couple of weeks, and I spent three months in traction/immobilization.
Then PT started. After a couple of weeks I asked her out. She replied that she didn’t date patients, and that even if she did date patients, she damn sure wouldn’t date one who was shagging off his PT and half-assing it through life.
I walk today because of her.
Rehab people are evil. Rehab – Does this hurt? Me – Oh god yes. Then she puts all her weight on my leg and I think my knee is going to snap. Me – OOOOwwwww plus swearing like a sailor. Rehab – I have high school girls that don’t cry like little babies. Me – I ain’t made for birthin no babies.
Dammit, Cole, I am pissed at you now. You just made me laugh out loud in the otherwise-silent archive reading room, and now people are looking at me. And knowing that I’m doing something other than reading dead people’s correspondence.
I severed my patellar tendon about ten years ago. After two rounds of surgery it was reattached with wire. Then I spent about two months with a PT. The prescribed therapy was a stationary bike. Once I finally got the knee to bend enough to get the pedal over that highest point, it got progressively easier.
Unfortunately I didn’t have a bike at home, so by the time my next appointment rolled around the knee had stiffened up again; the first few attempts each successive time damn near killed me.
My PT was a middle-aged guy and his “office” was a converted garage attached to his house. Nonetheless, I eventually got full range of motion back. A 4.4 40-yard dash was never going to happen anyway, so full ROM was good enough for me.
oh and as an OT aside, from Sully’s latest post, something so wrong, I just felt the need to record it for posterity:
My emphasis. Jesus Christ that is so wrong, and the math is completely backwards on that. “Providing women the ability to make decisions about their own body, thus ensuring a right to privacy makes medieval-thinking religious busybodies squawk all the louder. Therefore, it’s all the liberals’ fault that we have the American Taliban today.”
FYWP. Cole, how like you to bring the funny through your pain. I hope the intense agony is a sign that you are getting better. If not, at least get the cute PT’s phone number as a consolation to yourself.
@jeffreyw: He’s magnificent.
@soonergrunt: Your story is so sweet. I love it! Captain Gato, yours, too. So, apparently, the pain is worth the gain.
@Ash Can: Suddenly, I am very afraid of you–in a good way.
This just totally 100% made my day. That is a lovely story.
@freelancer: And that is exactly why I loathe Sully. He clings to his fallacious beliefs with such ferocious tenacity that even when he changes his mind a teeny little bit, he still returns to this bullshit. Plus, (I read the whole piece), even when he makes a valid argument such as that the current crop of Christianity is due to fear, among other things, he still says it’s the liberals fault. FYAS!
Cole, you wuss, suck.it.up and ask that babe of a PT out on a date.
I’m of two minds about the guy. As an ex-Catholic, now atheist, former alter server who was never touched innapropriately, I can understand how someone still subservient to such a guilt-ridden belief system still feels the need to show fealty to it. After his enlightening series of posts last spring “It’s So Personal“, he seemed to be less entrenched in his position, but then, as you say, he can abandon modern day conservatism, but he can never quite restrain himself from an intrinsic, irrational hatred of liberalism. This was just a one-off, gratuitous slap. Just completely unmoored to anything resembling facts or the point he’s trying to make.
All too often, I find myself thinking the same things he does, but every once in a while, something like this pops up, and makes me think WTF?!
Ah, yes. I remember that part.
In my case, not only was it a cute therapist, they even suckered me in by saying that since so many muscles were involved, we were just going to start with “gentle tissue massage.” And who could complain about that?
Then she took two fingers, placed them to my back, and did something that Satan himself must have taught her, because I’m pretty sure even the good lord would have renounced the faith in the first five seconds. The therapist claimed she was just “gently pressing the muscles.” I will never forgive her for lying to me like that.
Then they had the nerve to ask me when I wanted my next four appointments. Bastards.
Hope things get better soon. Just remember if it get discouraging, (and it very well may,) that the only thing worse than physical therapy is not getting physical therapy at all.
John, DON’T suck it up. My mother was in rehab last year for her knee from a 2008 operation. Her regular PT went on vacation and she got a new one who misread the chart, doubled the weight and tore my mom’s fragile just-rebuilt ligaments. She needed a second operation. So if it feels wrong to you, or there’s some sudden radical change in the program, don’t hesitate to question what’s happening or point out the obvious. It’s not their body and they don’t have to live with the results if they turn out poorly.
Eh, I’ll take a physical therapist over a phlebotomist any day.
The PT I had after my ankle surgery was Eastern European, the kind of person who’d tell you how she’d torn her ACL years ago and didn’t bother with surgery, just did a lot of PT on her own self. But she never hurt me much.
I had a very cute physical therapist about fifteen years ago. Upon returning one night from an appointment I found that she had slipped her name and number into my jacket pocket.
Nothing like that has ever happened to me before or since.
Remembering, however, has left me sitting at my desk with a very goofy grin.
My structural therapist is a sweet wisp of lady with a soft-honey voice that causes me to see stars and empathise with childbirth.
Yeah, PT is a bugger and a half. That being said, though, I look at it from a different POV; like with dental hygienists, if I’m going to suffer, I at least want to be looking at a cute (if not adorable) young woman while I’m suffering. It kind of takes the edge off it, and I personally don’t care whether or not she’s really mean underneath. You can’t do PT halfway and get the most out of it; it’s just going to be nasty.
Lesson: Never drift off to sleep while piloting a helicopter!
Well, someone had to make the obvious joke. Srsly, it’s clear why your wife changed her mind about dating patients, and I hope you two have many many more happy years together.
While I was getting PT for my shoulder (the first time), I would have sworn that if the cute 22 yr old moved my arm another 1/4 inch it would be torn completely off my body. And the fireman watching had to ask her what she was doing to make a grown man cry. She didn’t look like Brigdet F. but she was gorgeous and didn’t have an ounce of remorse for the pain so I understand the bat.
John, it does get better. It really, really does. I swear it does. Really. No Really.
A few years ago, I had constant pain in one shoulder–after an X-ray and MRI, my orthopedic surgeon told me it was a labrum tear and partially torn biceps tendon. We agreed on a conservative, non-surgical approach (imagine that–a surgeon not rushing to cut!), and after six months of twice-a-week PT, I had full function back with no pain.
Be patient, very, very patient, and persistent. Don’t expect immediate miracles; it could take months, it’s going to hurt like hell, but believe me, it’s worth the effort.
Physical therapists are like mental therapists — if they’re doing their job right, you go from liking them, to hating them with a white-hot hatred, to being eternally grateful to them.
And yes John…do try to get her number.
I feel so cheated! When I had PT, it was a guy. An all right looking guy, if that what floats your boat, but his appearance didn’t help the therapy at all!
You were all so lucky! [/tongue-in-cheek]
I warned you, and told you that is exactly what the T in PT stood for here
Plus reading the description of your shoulder…wow, that was one messed up joint and major trauma to it and all the surrounding soft tissue, ligaments, and muscles.. and now it’s one major reconstruction of all those things…it’s not going to be easy or pain free. But don’t lose hope it will get better.
That said, broken record here but take your pain med/anti-inflammatory….ice ice ice….and try to get some sleep. You most likely have a day off in between sessions to “recover” in a sense and let the arm settle down from any of the activity or range of motion she put you through today. If there are any home exercises, do them as instructed and again always take the pain med 1 hour before you do them. And also try to rate the pain on a scale for the PT so she can use it to gauge things too and make adjustments as needed. Everyone is different although there is most likely a certain protocol and time frame the MD and the PT have in mind about where you should be post op in the rehab process.
Just wait, it will eventually all be well worth it.. you might still be a bit sore tomorrow and ..it should ease up just before your next PT session…how convenient is that for her.
I’m late to this party, but this is my advice after a dozen rounds of therapy. After you have the routine down and you are going to be a good boy and do them on your own. NEGOTIATE about how much they make you do during PT. Beg, cry, offer to take copious notes about your home sessions, anything. Doing the whole routine all at once pushes your joint into bad territory. I’ve had so much better recovery when I do the exercises spread out over the day, never pushing the joint into utter unhappiness during any once session. Because you never push the joint too far, you are about 500% more likely to do the routine more often in total, which makes a huge difference.
Anyway, it took about 6 surgeries before they trusted me to do my own thing, but man, that was the best recovery of them all and so far I haven’t ended up back under the knife. Coincidence?
Ahh Pain and Torture. Being in a long term therapy situation, I expected there to be a ton of massive swearing about this issue JC. Count yourself lucky however. I worked with a guy for two years who as a side job was a semi-professional mixed martial artist. That in and of itself is scary enough, until you realize he was a GOOD semi-professional mixed martial artist. So he didn’t really have to do much to get me to do whatever shit he had me do. Watch out for when they smile. That’s a big tell right there.
Oh and for wifey: yes he was an absolutely gorgeous blond with blue eyes…and a three year old. Not married though.
EDIT: Forgot to mention, he’s no longer a semi-professional MMA guy. He got a contract with Dana White’s outfit and moved to Vegas to pursue that dream. I occasionally check out MMA news to see if his name surfaces, he was really good.
@Yutsano: Well, hon, you like kids, don’t you? Wait, worked? So no longer work with him?
@freelancer: I, on the other hand, disagree with him more often than not, so shit like this just pisses me off.
After decades of hurting my back I buggered it good about 5 years ago and went to see my wife’s chiropractor. The neat thing was that she was also a PT so I got the benefit of both worlds.
I went in barely able to walk, she hit me with about 5 minutes of ultrasound and the pain was gone. Well, maybe not gone, exactly, just traded for the “adjustments” for the next few months.
Think you have it backwards. They spend 15 years at the CIA and only the ‘best of the best’ become PTs.
By the way John your theory is right on but not just for PT. I broke my wrist, and right before the doctor set it the cutest nurse in the ER suddenly appeared next to my bed and stayed until he was done. Having those beautiful eyes looking down at me as he ground my bones around I do believe cut down my vocal protestations.
To this day I don’t know if my bones really needed set. It was at a teaching hospital and a couple beds over I could hear someone getting a similar treatment but who was much louder than me. I think they were showing the students the difference between crying with and with out a beautiful nurse. Just lucky I was the one with the nurse.
They did the same thing to me…put me through hell with the cutest nurse. I kept my medical bracelet though because it had the nurse’s name on it.
Yeah, I’m creepy, but she was SMOKIN’.