I don’t think New York Magazine’s epithet for Alabama’s Latest Shame is quite specific enough, because who north of the Mason-Dixon line knows which is the “Cotton State”? But they absolutely have found the best Getty photo of Shelby Steal, so you should give them the click and go admire it for yourselves.
Ezra Klein’s ransom note is pretty good, too.
Other potential labels from our brilliant BJ commentariat:
Senator Crimson Bribe
Sen. French Connection
The Alabama Extortionist
Senator Porkwall
Senator Squeegee Man
The ‘Bama Blackmailer
Sen. Earmarks-for-Airbus
Sen. Shellgame
The ‘Bama Scammer
Sen. “Roll Bribe!”
Shelby the French Privateer
Sen. Shelby (R-Toyota / Airbus)
And finally: “… has ‘traitor’ been taken?”
Choose a favorite below, or add your own!
Comrade Dread
I’ll stick with ‘A$$hole’.
jeffreyw
“Dr Evil” implies an education. Too fucking generous by far.
arthur
“crimson tithe”
licensed to kill time
Alabama Hold-’em Up
Osprey
The Earmark Terrorist
Face
Senator Shall-be
Allan
@jeffreyw: HS Diploma or GED Evil?
smiley
I like Sen. Roll Bribe. I think that will hit hard in Alabama.
FlipYrWhig
No-Bama
Evil Parallel Universe
The French Lieutenant’s Senator
So many connotations.
MobiusKlein
Shelby the Crimson Skim (if anybody watches The Fairly Odd Parents, you recognize.)
El Cid
STOP MAKING FUN OF TRIG PALIN!
RSR
KagroX suggested on twitter BadBamaJamma.
asiangrrlMN
I’m not sure about a nickname for him, but I’ll call what he’s done The Shelby Shiv.
Punchy
I’m surprised it wasn’t Senator Saxby Shameless.
FlipYrWhig
Lynyrd Skimmer?
TJ
Senator Sell-me.
Paris
best photo is at Wonkette. Shelby holding hands with Saddam. Saddam saying to Shelby ” Go on, pull my finger”.
GregB
The Alabama Get My Way.
-G
El Cid
@FlipYrWhig:
funny
rootless_e
sweet home alabama
where the earmarks are so green
sweet home alabama
lord i’m just a k-street dream
morzer
Emperor Porcutime.. the Farce is strong in this one…
jeffreyw
@Allan: I would guess an on line diploma, but again, that implies a certain tech sophistication I would bet he lacks. Maybe a grandkid made a few buck and filled the form in for him?
Shalimar
Shelby does not photograph well. His picture is still up on some gigantic old campaign billboards around here and he’s basically a pitchfork and horns away from looking like the devil. And that is in a self-chosen picture.
Tonal Crow
BamaPorkaLoosa!
Morbo
Personally I’d prefer to avoid any of the ones vilifying the French and leave the jingo to the R-side. Crimson Bribe, Bama Scammer and Roll Bribe are tops for me.
Sasha
With that half-grimace, Shelby looks like Cheney’s less-evil twin.
HRA
Shellgame Shelby
Tonal Crow
@Morbo: Shorten “Bama Scammer” to “BamaScam” (remember AbsScam?) and you have a good term.
DS
From someone on another blog: Alabama Scammer
Equal Opportunity Cynic
I don’t think New York Magazine’s epithet for Alabama’s Latest Shame is quite specific enough, because who north of the Mason-Dixon line knows which is the “Cotton State”?
I’m a native Alabamian and I couldn’t tell you which is the Cotton State. Heart of Dixie is the official state name on all the license plates, because “FUCK YOU! WE’LL KEEP VOTING FOR THESE CLOWNS” is too long fit.
Tonal Crow
Also, “ShelbyGate”.
Dr. J
Why are the senators from Washington and, especially, Kansas allowing him to do this? If the contract is taken from Boeing, it hurts their constituents. Brownback and Roberts should be trying to shut Shelby down, if they really were intent on serving the state they are elected from.
Dr. J
Why are the senators from Washington and, especially, Kansas allowing him to do this? If the contract is taken from Boeing, it hurts their constituents. Brownback and Roberts should be trying to shut Shelby down, if they really were intent on serving the state they are elected from.
Allan
From the commenter 77BC at the New York link we have an FTW:
Keith
The Shelbyville Shelbyvillian
freelancer
Sen. Monorail!
El Cid
@Allan: That’s awesome.
rootless_e
Peter Marshall: Paul, the state flag of Alabama is all white with one very distinctive feature. What is it?
Paul Lynde: Eye holes!
eastriver
Shillbilly
PaulW
Problem is some of those nicknames apply to Nick Saban.
ZING
My personal favorite for Shelby though has to be Sen. Roll Bribe. As long as ‘Bama football team gets mocked in the process, I’m all for it (from a Gators alum with a War Eagle mom! >:-) )
Jay S
One of the swamplanders thinks Shelby’s holds were outed in retribution for not playing ball in regulating the banksters. As if the holds themselves weren’t outrageous enough.
Of course something seems to have given Harry’s minions the courage to be less than entirely anonymous about the leak. This stuff is usually less well sourced. Maybe it does take a couple of blows before they fight back.
TWP
Crimson Bribe…hands down, that’s the best.
djork
Cash for Cletus
Keith
@djork:
Awesome!
Jay S
The senators from Washington are from the 57+2 seat minority party.
Al Swearengen
The ‘Bama-boozle!
.
.
.
Anne Laurie
@Equal Opportunity Cynic:
LOL. I grew up in New York, where I was taught that the state motto read “packaging material” (Excelsior) because the people who designed it thought Bullshit was insufficiently dignified.
John O
The great Senator from the great State of Alabama’s feedback website asked me to verify one of those squiggly, sometimes hard-to-read confirmation codes, to this…
…and it was the easiest one to read I’ve ever seen, no question about any of ’em, and on my fifth try I gave up.
Me thinks the Senator might understand he stepped in it. Then again, it could be just a technical problem.
TR
Bear Bribant
John O
FYWP.
Full text:
What you are doing is unconscionable, and if you utter a peep about Nelson’s almost equally bad bribe in NE, I will forever think you are a horrible human being.
I understand you’re supposed to protect your state. I just don’t think you should put it before your country.
What happened to the GOP I liked so many things about? My beloved grandfather’s GOP?
Sincerely,
John Onorato
Mundelein, IL 60060
Zippo, nada, nilch in terms of being able to send it.
RSR
@asiangrrlMN: Nice! It’s fits his whole m.o.:
(wikipedia entry)
morzer
Of course, we could just call him Senator Sellby…
Bhaal
Dick Holder
DonkeyKong
Sweety Pie?
beltane
I have nothing witty to add, but I just want to let you guys know that you’re all incredibly funny today. It is so much more fun going after Republicans than threatening to primary Bernie Sanders.
RSR
@rootless_e: hahaha. Circle wins the square?
Violet
@PaulW:
Me too! Lots more people know “Roll Tide” than the Cotton State. And it just rolls (heh) off the tongue.
@DonkeyKong:
Isn’t that Moon Pie?
Mike G
Given his tonsorially challenged mug, I’ll go with
“Senator Hairbus”
gnomedad
Nothing with “‘Bama” in it, please! Ambiguity fail.
rootless_e
in dixie land
i’ll make my stand
to live with bribes
in dixie
dadanarchist
The Great ‘bama Hold-Up…
mbuchel
Further evidence that everything is always good news for republicans. Marc Ambinder:
Villager insight never fails to amaze.
John O
“Roll Bribe” requires too many steps of association to me compared to “Crimson Bribe.” I think more people would associate “Crimson Bribe” faster than “Roll Bribe,” but that’s just a guess since most of us connect both.
Those are my two faves, though, with the late entry of “Dick Holder” an impossible but still very funny third choice.
Starfish
Waver of the Bloody Red Pork
Shalimar
Waiting for Robert Byrd to do something stupid, so we can call the resulting scandal Mountaineer Madness and see if Cole objects.
Colin Laney
Sen. Shelby (R-Toyota / Airbus)
Actually, Shelby is R-Mercedes. They build SUVs in Tuscaloosa. Gigantic tax-subsidies, of course.
geg6
Crimson Bribe is FTfuckingW. Anyone would get that. It took me a minute to get the reference to “roll Tide,” being a dyed in the wool and elitist Yankee who, even though Joe Namath played there for Papa Bear, never evinces an ounce of interest if it happens more than a few hundred miles below the Mason Dixon Line. Though once I got it, it was sorta awesome.
beltane
@Shalimar: Poor Senator Byrd is too old to do anything stupid. That burden would have to fall upon Jay Rockefeller.
ericvsthem
Crimson Bribe is full of win.
machine
“Cardinal Richardlieu, l’Éminence cramoisi.”
Equal Opportunity Cynic
@John O:
I called one of his local offices as a constituent and got the voice mail. It encouraged me to leave a message, but the VM was full. Perhaps they just haven’t bothered to empty it, or perhaps they really are hearing about it. I’ll hope for the latter. (But it won’t matter — where this really might matter is in painting other Republicans in competitive states. The “small government” tea partiers here will always vote for Shelby as long as keeps the big government from taking away our pork.)
Martin
@geg6: I think there’s even money we could get Stewart or Maddow to run with Crimson Bribe.
KDP
OT
Gawker has a link to the full unedited Stewart/O’Reilly face-off with the broadcast segments for comparison.
Gawker Post here
flounder
Bare Bribant
BombIranForChrist
Senator Cash McBribechest
birthmarker
A diarist on DKos has coined The BamaFather. LOVE it!
demkat620
But isn’t Alabama one of those do it yourself States Rights states that don’t want them peoples from the fedral gubmint helping them?
What do they need our money for anyway? Aren’t they self sufficient?
Tonal Crow
@demkat620: And won’t they Go Galt ™ if we don’t cancel their pork deliveries to reduce the deficit?
TR
Yep, it’s also one of those states that gets much more back from the gubmint than they pay in. In 2004, they were getting like $1.60 back for every tax dollar.
r€nato
I am tired of my tax dollars going to support those people…
Tonal Crow
@r€nato: Yeah, it’s raping my wallet! Time to throw the tea(baggers) in the harbor!
ricardo
Maybe Senator Smelly, the Cornpone Comb-over?
CalD
Dixie Pickpocket?
CalD
Hog Day Afternoon?
Hawes
Birmingham: Stealtown of the South.
Crossing the Edmund T. Petty Bridge to Selma
John O
@Equal Opportunity Cynic:
I’m sure they’ve given up. Heck, Shelby’s probably hearing some grief from the ‘baggers on this, too.
And thanks for responding to anything I said, period.
CalD
I keep coming back to Dog Day Afternoon. It’s got attempted robbery, a hostage situation, even demands for an airplane in exchange for the releasing hostages.
BeccaM
Senator Screw America – Gimme My Due (R-Of Course)
beltane
@CalD: Didn’t Dog Day Afternoon have something to do with stealing money for a lover’s sex-change operation? Or am I thinking of something else.
minachica
I vote for “Crimson Bribe” too. I’m no-sports Northerner and even I got that, plus it made me think of “blood on his hands.”
liberart76
The Porkmeister
John O
The best in terms of clarity is, “Senator Richard Shelby, R-Toyota, Airbus.”
The Toyota thing has to be bumming him out just a bit right about now.
suzanne
Montgomery Grift.
Ella in NM
How about “Sen. Richard Shelby, the Tuscaloosa Traitor”?
robertdsc
Crimson Bribe and Tuscaloosa Traitor work for me.
Moreover, I’m fucking embarrassed by the whole goddamned thing. What the fuck is wrong with these people?
2wrongs
Shelby steal? anyone?
General Winfield Stuck
@Ella in NM:
Yes, Ella, I agree, giving up the fact we were listening to OBL before Shelby informed the world we were and OBL clamming up chatting on his sat phone, qualifies as Traitor in my book.
CalD
@beltane:
Yes, that’s right. Please say you’re asking because that part would somehow parallel the Shelby case too…
nicteis
Shakedown Shel.
Breezeblock
Fucking douchebag ofay cracker piece of crap?
Whoops, forgot scumbag comb-over dillhole.
Mike G
Montgomery Grift.
This.
Or play up the French angle.
Toulouse Turncoat
Klaus Briberie
eastriver
Mr. Greed Goes To Washington
Senator Shillbilly
dadanarchist
The Crimson Bribe is clearly the winner.
Chuck
How about “Republican”
a
How about “Pork in a Blanket”!
whatsleft
Senator Deliver-uns? (cue banjo music)
Zuzu's Petals
From the comments at the New York Magazine site:
asiangrrlMN
@RSR: I forgot the fucker used to be a Democrat, he has so thoroughly turned batshitcrazy. Nice.
Mia Malkan
With pleasure,….here is my entry..
/ mia
CMcC
Shelby is the Alabamaboozler.
petorado
Sweet Scam Alabama
(with apologies to Lynyrd Skynyrd)
But for a bunch of freakin’ liberals, where’s the Neil Young love?
I give you the updated version of “Alabama” …
Oh Alabama
The devil’s fool
laid the best scam.
Swing yet even lower Alabama
You think we’ve got billions in spare change
Shelby’s got to feel strange
And now the blanket hold
isn’t all that it meant.
Alabama, you got
bribery on your shoulders
That’s breaking our backs.
Your Toyota
has got a wheel in the ditch
And a wheel on the track
Eli Rabett
It’s real simple, Obama merely tells the bureaucracy, “we need to put a hold on any funds going to Alabama to ensure that they are properly accounted for”.
Basilisc
How about “The consequences of Obama’s not doing enough to reach out to Republicans”.
JK. But how many of you don’t think that will be the thesis of a David Broder column very soon?
bjkeefe
I like the picture I came across when I was looking for something to decorate the announcement that he had come out as a Birther. I think it accurately displays the amount of intelligence within.
Lars Olsson
I like MC Porkmaster Shel.
Tony J
‘Bama Scammer Dinged! ZOMG!
bcinaz
Crimson Turd