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You are here: Home / He who fucks nuns will later join the church

He who fucks nuns will later join the church

by DougJ|  February 25, 20104:35 pm| 35 Comments

This post is in: General Stupidity, Good News For Conservatives, We Are All Mayans Now

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Normally, I’d be joking about Newtmentum, but Newt probably had to pay a lot of money for those two annulments and the only reason he’d want to convert would be to run for something. So I think he may really run for president in 2012:

In an interview with National Journal reporters and editors this morning, Gingrich said he and his wife Callista were “trying to organize our activities to be in a position to make a decision [about running for president] in February or March [of ’11].”

I certainly hope he runs. I’ve been getting the sinking feeling that we may be looking at Romney, Thune, and an assortment of neo-Paultards in the 2012 Republican primary. Newt and Palin would certainly spice things up.

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Reader Interactions

35Comments

  1. 1.

    chrome agnomen

    February 25, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    bring it on.

  2. 2.

    Redshirt

    February 25, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    Someone told me I should fear Jim DeMint in 2012. I cannot figure out why, unless he plays some role in the Mayan Apocalypse.

  3. 3.

    JGabriel

    February 25, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    DougJ:

    … the only reason [Newt would] want to convert would be to run for something.

    I’m not sure that really works in Newt’s favor. So far, there’s still only been one Catholic president, and he was assassinated.

    It’s not like the fundies are down with papal primacy.

    .

  4. 4.

    EdTheRed

    February 25, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    I ever show you my “LOVE” and “HATE” knuckle tattoos? Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make a payment on my living room set.

  5. 5.

    jenniebee

    February 25, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    Dude, if he runs, I hope he gets asked in a townhall if, when he divorced his wife during her cancer treatments, if she lost her insurance because of it.

  6. 6.

    DougJ

    February 25, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    @EdTheRed:

    Former cheap hood, huh?

  7. 7.

    Zifnab

    February 25, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    Newt’s been dreaming of the White House since he picked up the gavel in ’94. He’s going to have to run, as President or Vice President, in some capacity sooner or later. Dude’s not getting any younger. I don’t doubt he’ll throw his hat into the ring as soon as the math works for him.

  8. 8.

    jenniebee

    February 25, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    @JGabriel: there’s actually been a lot of detente. Pat Robertson is down with us wops these days, and the Catholics are extremely conservative.

    Coburn is arguing that the best thing to bring down costs is for more medical costs to be out of pocket.

  9. 9.

    EdTheRed

    February 25, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    @DougJ: To be fair, I never actually said I’d die before I was sold – that was a misunderstood lyric. What I really said was I was *dying* to be sold…

  10. 10.

    Osprey

    February 25, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    Interesting thing is that these primaries are going to make the 2007 ones look intelligently sane by comparison. 2007 they we all generally on the same level of retarded…but, you know, PoW.

    This one…it’ll consist of a race to see who can say the dumbest fucking thing ever and whoever can come closest to calling Obama a ni55er without actually using that word (though if they did use the word they’d probably be automatically declared the victor and subsequent ruler of heaven and earth).

    Good times.

  11. 11.

    Omnes Omnibus

    February 25, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    That’s just the beat of time – the beat that must go on.
    Newt’s been trying for years; we’ve already heard his song.

  12. 12.

    Mike Kay

    February 25, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    Newt is so old and fat. He’ll be 69 in 2012. Remember McSame was 72 in 2008. Not much of a difference.

    Two years on the campaign trail and FAT ole Newt will drop dead.

  13. 13.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    February 25, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    The GOP presnit candidate for 2012 is currently under construction in room 101 of the AEI basement secret wingnut manufacturing facility. Look for it to have great legs and bustline, with plenty of upper body muscle mass, a 6 foot long pecker, and smartly dunked with several layers of Alabaster protective coating with optional dildo resistant buttflaps.

  14. 14.

    Omnes Omnibus

    February 25, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    @EdTheRed: BTW I had a client in my office last week with LOVE and HATE tattooed across the knuckles of his hands. Instantly brought the song to life.

  15. 15.

    dr. bloor

    February 25, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    In a just world, Newtie by law would be introduced on every show, at every rally and during every town hall as “The Man Who Served Divorce Papers On His Cancer Ridden Wife Newt Gingrich.”

  16. 16.

    Cat Lady

    February 25, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    @Osprey:

    For The Win.

    I’ve been asking since before last year’s election who you’d bet money on to say the n-word first – some local goober in Alabama or a wingnut Congresscritter from SC. Joe Wilson caught himself just in time. Crazy train is just getting up to speed I guess.

  17. 17.

    Mike in NC

    February 25, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    Before he went Full Metal Wingnut after 9/11, Dennis Miller once snarked on TV, “Newt, buddy, if you run for President, I’ll blow you on the steps of the Capitol”.

  18. 18.

    jenniebee

    February 25, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    @dr. bloor: Considering that John Edwards’ name can’t come up without pretty much the same introduction spiel, it seems to me that’s a bipartisan solution.

  19. 19.

    Garrigus Carraig

    February 25, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    I suppose there’s a path from where we are now to the Republicans embracing a “Catholic” candidate in 2012. But it’s not a path I can see.

  20. 20.

    Bubblegum Tate

    February 25, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    @JGabriel:

    It’s not like the fundies are down with papal primacy.

    I have no love for the Catholic church, but the fundies absolutely, positively fucking hate the Catholic church. Even I’m kind of astonished at the hostility.

  21. 21.

    dr. bloor

    February 25, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    @jenniebee:

    Yup. But you know how that will play out, no? John Edwards will be brought up time and time again as a scumbag by Republican hacks, only to have those hacks pirouette and argue that Newt’s OK because Edwards did it.

  22. 22.

    trollhattan

    February 25, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    Newton Leroy, despite the name, remains confident in his leading attractive quality to the Republican party: not being black.

  23. 23.

    SpotWeld

    February 25, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    Is there no better mascot for GOP congressional political failure than Newt.

    Seriously… how is he relevant to *anything* in modern politics?

    Let this guy be delegated to the refuse of history

  24. 24.

    SpotWeld

    February 25, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    Is there no better mascot for GOP congressional political failure than Newt.

    Seriously… how is he relevant to *anything* in modern politics?

    Let this guy be delegated to the refuse of history

  25. 25.

    kindness

    February 25, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    Let’s hope that when the Newt sex tapes finally hit the web my computer breaks so I don’t see any of it.

  26. 26.

    Svensker

    February 25, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    John Cole, maybe you’re closer to the Repukes than I am. Back in the 90s, all the conservatives I knew loathed Newt for being 2-faced on the Contract with America and not “really being a conservative”. He was essentially bounced out of the Party. Has all been forgiven? Do the wingers like him now again, figuring that if he wants to bomb people, is against abortion and loves Israel, what could be wrong?

  27. 27.

    Zach

    February 25, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    Please let this happen. Something tells me that it would be difficult for Newt to win in the absence of any Latino support. If Obama were to start broadcasting him calling Sotomayor a racist over and over again, this is what would happen. McCain loses Texas and Arizona and loses Colorado, New Mexico, Nevada, and Florida by much larger margins without Latino support.

  28. 28.

    asiangrrlMN

    February 25, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    I can’t take this man seriously at all. I fear Palin more than I do Newt (in terms of electability), which is very very sad for Newt.

  29. 29.

    WereBear

    February 25, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    @asiangrrlMN: I can’t take Newt seriously either. What is he doing, waiting around for the barrel to really get scraped at the bottom?

  30. 30.

    Xenos

    February 25, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    @Bubblegum Tate: When you meet the anti-Catholic fundies the best thing to do is to tell them you are in the Greek Orthodox Church. They will get real silent and their eyes will spin around as they try to figure out whether they love you or hate you.

  31. 31.

    LACP

    February 25, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    Newt will be 2012’s Rudy. Republican ticket is going to be some combination of Governor Hucklebuckle and The Man Called Petraeus.

  32. 32.

    tc125231

    February 25, 2010 at 9:26 pm

    I don’t mean to be rude, but have you noticed this country has clear and presssing problems?

    Only those morons at Politicon should be in favor of anything in our political process because it will “spice things up”.

    This truth should be self evident.

  33. 33.

    master c

    February 25, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    love the clash ref-death or glory!

  34. 34.

    Ian

    February 26, 2010 at 4:48 am

    I was a young child on welfare in 1995. If Newt had his way I would have been pulled away from my family and shoved in an orphanage. Fuck him

  35. 35.

    JGabriel

    February 26, 2010 at 7:33 am

    asiangrrlMN:

    I fear Palin more than I do Newt (in terms of electability)

    The calculus is really simple here. Barring catastrophe, Obama will win re-election in 2012. Palin and Gingrich are both positioning themselves to be plausible options in the event of such a catastrophe, but otherwise, they’d each prefer to lose the 2012 primary, like Reagan in ’76 or McCain in ’00.

    Despite the rhetoric, no one wants to run against Obama in 2012 — they want to run against an non-incumbent in 2016*.

    That pretty much leaves Romney as 2012 GOP candidate, by default.

    (*Palin is deeply ignorant and deeply stupid, but as a pol she is gifted enough to see the obvious, which is why she’s playing so coy about her ambitions: she wants to keep her options open for ’16 in the likely event that Obama is too strong to take on in ’12.)

    .

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