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You are here: Home / Pink and Brown

Pink and Brown

by DougJ|  February 28, 20109:00 pm| 54 Comments

This post is in: General Stupidity, Good News For Conservatives, We Are All Mayans Now

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I guess this is what passes for Republican he-manism in Massachusetts:

“We’re in the famous truck,” he pointed out, needlessly. “It’s a regular truck.” Yes and no. As Arianna, the younger of his two daughters, told me, he originally purchased it not so he could haul lumber but so he could attach it to a trailer bearing her horse. He soon abandoned that plan. “It’s scary pulling a trailer,” he said…

[….]

Arianna told me that he showed up for his first real date with her mother, Gail Huff, a TV newscaster to whom he has been married for more than 23 years, in pink leather shorts. It’s family lore.

The pinkish color drained from his face when I asked him about it during a conversation in his campaign office just before we took off in the truck. He clarified that the shorts weren’t something that he went out and purchased — it wasn’t like that at all. “I did the couture shows, and instead of paying in cash, they paid in clothes,” he said. “And one of the things I had to wear were leather shorts. And these happened to be pink.”

As he told the story, he seemed, almost in spite of himself, to get into it. “If I wore these now,” he said, “I’d get shot. But it was the ’80s. Pastels were in. It was all pastel-y.”

As you might have guessed from reading my posts, I am also an extremely neurotic person who doesn’t like the idea of driving with a trailer attached to my car. So I sympathize with Scott Brown.

But I also have to wonder: is there anything that disqualifies a Republican from being a straight-arrow regular-guy macho daddy you’d like to have a beer with? Here’s a partial list of things that aren’t disqualifications: owning more houses than you can count, being a tee-totaler, publicly proclaiming your problems with erectile dysfunction, dressing in drag, talking about varmint guns…and now, wearing pink leather shorts, using the word “pastel-y”, and appearing in couture shows.

Not that there’s anything wrong with doing any of those things.

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54Comments

  1. 1.

    Sheesh

    February 28, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    You forgot wetsuits and wide-stances, and “I did the couture shows, and instead of paying in cash, they paid in clothes.”

    So, there’s that.

  2. 2.

    SpotWEld

    February 28, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    In truth none of that should disqualify a person from being a “normal” parent who cares for his (or her) kids.

    But, the hypocrisy is that this is exactly the sort of thing that becomes the meat of GOP smear campaigns.

    Kerrey (for all his flaws) was ravaged for having styled hair and windsurfing. Brown… well he’s the star of the GOP

  3. 3.

    debit

    February 28, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    Pulling a horse trailer is nothing. I did it all the time. Now backing up with it and not hitting anything…

  4. 4.

    KG

    February 28, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    Is there anything that disqualifies a Republican from being a straight-arrow regular-guy macho daddy you’d like to have a beer with?

    Yes, switch your party affiliation to Democratic.

    I do think the “would you have a beer with him” paradigm has gotten incredibly old and worn out. And it has always been incredibly stupid. There are plenty of people I would like to have a beer with that I don’t want anywhere near the halls of power. And there are plenty of politicians that I respect (and agree/disagree with to varying degrees) that I wouldn’t want to be in the same bar as. The more important question, if we’re going to have stupid questions determine who our elected leaders are should be: can he/she actually tell the difference between his/her ass and a hole in the ground?

  5. 5.

    robertdsc

    February 28, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    I’ll go you one better: a candidate for Governor in Georgia admitted to bestiality when he was young on his farm.

    IOKIYAR to the extreme!

  6. 6.

    D. Sidhe

    February 28, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    You forgot being a male cheerleader, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  7. 7.

    JGabriel

    February 28, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    DougJ:

    But I also have to wonder: is there anything that disqualifies a Republican from being a straight-arrow regular-guy macho daddy you’d like to have a beer with?

    Voting for cloture on any bill with a Democratic sponsor, er, excuse me, Democrat sponsor.

    .

  8. 8.

    BB

    February 28, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Also, being a prep school cheerleader.

    I’m perfectly comfortable getting masculine dictates from Ramesh Ponnuru, George Will and Glenn Beck’s tears.

    DougJ knows not the ways of real men. Go team!

  9. 9.

    madmommy

    February 28, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    @debit:

    You just steer left to go right, or so I’ve been told.

    I for one am sick unto death of IOKIYAR and the stupid people who continue to support these charlatans.

  10. 10.

    debit

    February 28, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    @madmommy: You turn the wheel the opposite direction you want the rear of the trailer to go. It’s counter intuitive and I never really got the hang of it. Never hit anything, though. Hard.

  11. 11.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    February 28, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    Admit that:
    1. Democrats have good ideas at times.
    2. Women should have control of their bodies.
    3. That women can do things as good as men.
    4. Climate change is real.
    5. That a black man can be president.

  12. 12.

    Loneoak

    February 28, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    Does the double-wetsuit dildo getup exclude you? And don’t forget wide stances.

    “Pink leather shorts” deserves a spot in the lexicon, indicating activities that fail to indicate insufficient manliness only as long as one is a also Republican.

  13. 13.

    Morbo

    February 28, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    @debit: He should try it with a full-sized van.

    Doug, you forgot soliciting sex in an airport men’s room. [dangit]

  14. 14.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    February 28, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    Pulling a horse trailer is scary for him? Sounds about right. I used to manage a mobile home park and campgrounds and I can’t even begin to count the number of times when a huge trailer or RV owner asked me if there was someone who could park their trailer/RV if no pull-through spots were open. Same thing when I moved into marine work, big boat owners who are scared shitless to haul their own boats and paying others to do it for them. Sure made for some nice unreported weekend income though. ;)

    They like the big boy toys but seem to have problems getting them from point A to point B. Guess they don’t know how to handle something big, it intimidates them. I know because I see them in our community and on the highways every summer. I have pulled just about everything you can pull, up to a 37 foot yacht, and have never had a problem doing so. Backing up is a breeze if you have eyes and a brain that functions properly. I normally nail it on the first try, very seldom needing a second shot. I am a natural at parallel parking them too. No pull-through for this he-man! :)

    What a wuss. The pink leather shorts only confirms it. I do find it funny that he was literally a ‘clothes whore’.

  15. 15.

    Lolis

    February 28, 2010 at 9:38 pm

    Scott Brown will be out of the Senate in a couple years. No use wasting our time on him.

  16. 16.

    wenchacha

    February 28, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    Don’t forget attending socialist-liberal-Marxist-Maoist colleges or universities like Yale or Harvard.

    Oh wait.

    Well, how about being intelligent, compassionate and articulate? Is that the definitive disqualification?

  17. 17.

    madmommy

    February 28, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    @Lolis:

    And running for President. FSM forbid. He’s the perfect GOP candidate-an empty, pretty suit.

    The Closing Ceremonies are confusing. A guy’s conducting an orchestra via sattelite? Giant bouncy balls with children inside them? Makes me think the ceremonies in Russia in 4 years are going to be interesting.

  18. 18.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    February 28, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    @debit:

    Yup, you have to think backwards when backing a trailer. That and you have to ‘lead’ by the end of the trailer and turn/pivot by the axle. Most people turn and face forward momentarily as they turn the wheel, usually because they fear the front of the vehicle hitting something, and this throws their turning off. The best way to back a trailer is to make sure your vehicle front is clear and then focus on pointing the rear where you want it. If someone is handy and space is tight, have them watch the front of the rig while you focus on backing. If that someone is really good they will pay attention to every visible angle and keep you aware of clearances. And not say a word unless necessary while you concentrate on your task.

    Most importantly, know your load and hauling rig. Pay attention to the trailer axle location, the overhang length (trailer axle to absolute rear of trailer) and vehicle/trailer angle. I have seen loads of boat, trailer and outdrive damage from people who thought they knew what they were doing when backing. I have taught people how to handle their trailers by practicing in empty parking lots. Some police officers have even stopped by to see what was going on and some thanked me for teaching new boat owners on how to trailer properly.

    It’s worth it to take a few hours and pay someone who is knowledgeable to teach you how to handle a trailer. It’s not really that hard to do once you understand what you need to pay attention to and you just might save yourself and others from an accident.

    Plus your boat or trailer won’t get beat to shit. That’s always a good thing.

  19. 19.

    DougJ

    February 28, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    @Morbo:

    That did seem to disqualify him from being a regular guy though.

  20. 20.

    wasabi gasp

    February 28, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    Vomiting on Japanese people?

  21. 21.

    psychobroad

    February 28, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    Hard to get more elitist than to be someone who can afford to indulge his daughters with enough horse to make it worthwhile to show it. (Enter the horse in shows, I mean.) Seems to kind of negate the “regular guy” schtick.

  22. 22.

    jeffreyw

    February 28, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    Bad moon arising.

  23. 23.

    Mike Kay

    February 28, 2010 at 10:00 pm

    Being a Hollywood actor

    playing 2nd banana to a chimps

  24. 24.

    Jess

    February 28, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    Calling your wife “mommy”?

  25. 25.

    KCinDC

    February 28, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    Having a lisp doesn’t prevent you from being a tough guy who talks about 9/11 all the time.

  26. 26.

    mr. whipple

    February 28, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    Yo’ Mama

  27. 27.

    Mike Kay

    February 28, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    – wearing diapers and making a poop while calling your dominatrix mommy

    – ordering uniform police to walk your mistress’ poodle.

    – living with a gay male couple while going through a divorce

    – wearing gucci loafers

    – 5 deferments

  28. 28.

    David

    February 28, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    and there’s disappearing on Father’s Day

  29. 29.

    Mike in NC

    February 28, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    Scott Brown will be out of the Senate in a couple years. No use wasting our time on him.

    Then he’ll land a nice gig as a K Street lobbyist. As a native Bostonian but long gone, I suspect he’s a wicked douchebag.

  30. 30.

    Jeffro

    February 28, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    You know, seriously, can we get something up on YouTube throwing all of these things in the Repugs’ faces? The Cheney deferments and Vitter alone should seal the deal for two decades…

  31. 31.

    Nellcote

    February 28, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    @psychobroad:

    Hard to get more elitist than to be someone who can afford to indulge his daughters with enough horse to make it worthwhile to show it. (Enter the horse in shows, I mean.) Seems to kind of negate the “regular guy” schtick.

    So you’re saying Lou Dobbs isn’t a “regular guy”?

  32. 32.

    Nellcote

    February 28, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    How could you leave out posing nude for Cosmo?

  33. 33.

    Arclite

    February 28, 2010 at 10:52 pm

    BTW, Doug, the title of the post is hilarious. It cracked me up. Or in the parlance of Mr. Brown’s own state: it’s a wicked title (I’m from CT, so I can say that).

  34. 34.

    jm

    February 28, 2010 at 10:53 pm

    I drove longhaul for several years when I was younger and have had to back a big truck in about every situation you can think of including blindside backs off of busy city streets and, yes, parallel parking at the curb.

    DougL offers some good advise above. Here’s two more pointers to live by:

    Put your hand on the bottom of the wheel. That way you can turn the wheel the same way you want your trailer to go.

    And more importantly, never be afraid to stop your vehicle, get out and do a quick walk-around if you’re ever unsure about the possibility of hitting something. Don’t worry about being embarrassed if people are watching. The smart ones will appreciate you being careful and the dumb ones…well, fuck them.

    By the way, if you ever meet a trucker who claims to have never hit anything while backing up, you’ve just met a liar.

  35. 35.

    jm

    February 28, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    Damn, “advice” not “advise”.

  36. 36.

    FlipYrWhig

    February 28, 2010 at 11:15 pm

    Dijon mustard: effeminate.
    Pink leather shorts you received in payment for modeling: unremarkable.

  37. 37.

    Bob

    February 28, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    “It’s scary pulling a trailer,”

    If he bought a truck suitable for pulling a trailer, it might not have been so scary dumbass.

    A GMC Canyon is fine, but for pulling a horse or two, I would recommend something a little more manly.

    Goes to show this guy is all hat and no cattle.

  38. 38.

    maus

    February 28, 2010 at 11:44 pm

    But I also have to wonder: is there anything that disqualifies a Republican from being a straight-arrow regular-guy macho daddy you’d like to have a beer with?

    These days, sodomy is a plus, but only if the behavior is firmly in the closet.

  39. 39.

    Mark S.

    March 1, 2010 at 12:03 am

    @JGabriel:

    Voting for cloture on any bill with a Democratic sponsor, er, excuse me, Democrat sponsor.

    Yeah, isn’t Brown an unperson now in right wing circles? One of those Google ads at the top of the page says “Stop the Brown Bailout” or something. Redstate and Malkin will be calling him a fag in a little bit.

  40. 40.

    trollhattan

    March 1, 2010 at 12:20 am

    Betty Cracker took a run at non-trailer-haulin’ Scotty Brown last week and only one participant survived (spoiler alert: it was Betty).

    http://www.rumproast.com/index.php/site/comments/crazy_like_a_naked_truck-driving_fox/

    California’s speed limit for trucks, n’ cars with trailers is 55, meaning that haulin’ a trailer is not to be done at a speed less than 75. I’m okay with Sen; Brown leaving the trailer in the driveway. I’m sick and tired of these yahoos trying to kill me with their goddamn bass boat or Harley hotel every time I’m on the interstate.

  41. 41.

    someguy

    March 1, 2010 at 12:24 am

    Scott Brown will be out of in the Senate in a couple years. No use wasting our time on him.

    Fixed

  42. 42.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    March 1, 2010 at 3:43 am

    @Mark S.:

    The “Stop the Brown Bailout” campaign is intended to stop any bailout of UPS (the “Brown”) because they regularly fuck their workers over. My brother used to work there and he says that UPS is one of the most fucked up places he has ever worked. They prefer hiring part time workers and screw them (and the full time workers) out of benefits and fair pay.

    From what I read they are for the stimulus, just not for UPS until they clean up their act.

  43. 43.

    Napoleon

    March 1, 2010 at 5:45 am

    Sweet Jesus, what a wimp. I trailered for years and you definitely have to pay attention to what you are doing but it is not like juggling running chainsaws or anything.

    And pink leather shorts!!! I was in my 20s during the 80s and I am sorry, but leather shorts, or pink shorts, let alone pink leather shorts, would disqualified any guy alive from being able to get a second date with any woman who didn’t want to date one of the Village People.

  44. 44.

    WereBear

    March 1, 2010 at 7:48 am

    He also betrays a complete lack of thinking for himself:

    As he told the story, he seemed, almost in spite of himself, to get into it. “If I wore these now,” he said, “I’d get shot. But it was the ’80s. Pastels were in. It was all pastel-y.”

    I thought Republicans were against situational ethics.

  45. 45.

    Betty Cracker

    March 1, 2010 at 7:57 am

    Thanks for the link! Re: trailering, I can certainly understand why many find it intimidating, but folks who base their entire career on pickup truck machismo should at least pretend to know how to parallel park a truck and trailer between two dumpsters loaded with C4 and blasting caps. Or they should STFU.

    PS: JM above repeats the best advice I ever received on backing up a trailer: straighten the wheels, put your hand on the bottom of the steering wheel and then move your hand the direction you want the back of the trailer to go. Piece o’ cake.

  46. 46.

    Pasquinade

    March 1, 2010 at 8:37 am

    The 50 Points of the Retrosexual or Neosexual Code for Real Men Today

    http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2461346/posts

    Picture of John Wayne with Randolph Scott was used to demonstrate the heroes of “retrosexuality”. :)

    This John Wayne picture is always good for a laugh: http://www.damemagazine.com/uploads/articles/imagemanager/07312007/101906_johnwayne737765.jpg

  47. 47.

    Comrade Dread

    March 1, 2010 at 8:59 am

    is there anything that disqualifies a Republican from being a straight-arrow regular-guy macho daddy you’d like to have a beer with?

    As long as he’s stickin’ it to a woman and not a dude, no.

  48. 48.

    BC

    March 1, 2010 at 9:18 am

    They got their cred because they are unflinching in sending other people’s kids to war. That’s it in a nutshell – you’re tough and manly if you can, without any emotion whatsoever, send someone else’s (of course, no one you know personally) kid to fight in a war. And then deny that kid the basics to survive so he has to jerry-rig it himself while in a war zone. And then say that it’s okay because he volunteered. This is what makes you manly, manly. Oh, and the smell of Aqua Velva in the morning . . .

  49. 49.

    Ash Can

    March 1, 2010 at 9:18 am

    @Comrade Dread:

    As long as he’s stickin’ it to a woman and not a dude, no.

    And, if he is stickin’ it to a dude, he can’t be happy about it. At least, not in public.

  50. 50.

    EconWatcher

    March 1, 2010 at 10:39 am

    Am I the only one who’s starting to like this guy?

  51. 51.

    Morbo

    March 1, 2010 at 11:39 am

    @Pasquinade: They should have the courage of their convictions and name their male children “Marion.”

  52. 52.

    Bruce (formerly Steve S.)

    March 1, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    is there anything that disqualifies a Republican from being a straight-arrow regular-guy macho daddy you’d like to have a beer with?

    Hitting on House pages of the same sex is the only thing I can think of off the top of my head.

  53. 53.

    Panurge

    March 1, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    Well, it’s all just part of the War on the Sixties, y’know. (As I’ve said time and time again, though, they’ve got plenty of allies left-of-center in the form of punks and alterna-heads who just don’t like the esthetics.)

    That swimsuit John Wayne’s wearing isn’t so unusual for the time; it just looks funny in our Age of Body Shame. Which brings me to…

    If I had a dime for every time I read or heard “It was the x0s”, I could corner the calendar market. You’ll notice that it’s always either the ’60s, ’70s, or ’80s–never the ’50s or any time before. Our esthetics today are essentially built on the idea of not looking ridiculous, and just about anything not outright reactionary looks ridiculous to today’s tastemakers–and son we’re trained to fear looking ridiculous (or alternately, being out of date, which in itself favors conservatism, which can frame itself as “timeless”) more than anything else. Problem is, this idea has generated plenty of clothes that either look more ridiculous than ever or succeed in being both ugly and boring, but it doesn’t look like the old “ridiculous” clothing, so people just keep on with it. Where does it end?

  54. 54.

    psychobroad

    March 1, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    @Nellcote: Don’t know. Does Lou Dobbs pretend to be of the people while living like a king? All I know about him is that he’s a xenophobic hater of brown people.

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