Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Jack Smith: “Why did you start campaigning in the middle of my investigation?!”

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

Prediction: the GOP will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

Glad to see john eastman going through some things.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

The revolution will be supervised.

Bark louder, little dog.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

“That’s what the insurrection act is for!”

When do the post office & the dmv weigh in on the wuhan virus?

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

If you are in line to indict donald trump, stay in line.

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

I really should read my own blog.

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

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Reader Interactions

70Comments

  3. 3.

    Dave C

    If this is how you express your love, I think we may be in an abusive relationship! :)~

  4. 4.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    If you play the video of Tunch in the last thread backwards, he clearly says:

    “Get out. Now. Do not go to the next post. I’m warning you.”

    That was the terrible secret.

    Good god.

  5. 5.

    R-Jud

    Here’s a conversation I had in October 2008:

    Me: So we’re having a girl. What do you want to call her?

    Mr Me:I’m not sure.

    Me: I like “Caroline”.

    Mr Me: Absolutely not.

    Me: Awww, why?

    Mr Me: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnds…. touching haaaannnnds… reaching out…

    Me: Point taken.

  6. 6.

    John O

    Funny, I was cranking some Neil last night, and got in touch with an old high school pal and told her it reminded me of her since a bunch of us had made Neil my third concert ever, circa 1978.

    I don’t know about later, but at that point Mr. Diamond could still put on a great show, and I make no apologies for believing it, so save it and I’m not gay and and damn it!

  7. 7.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    Good grief Niel Diamond fans can’t even clap like normal people. Clapping on every beat? Instead of like 2 and 4, like other humans?

    I wonder if they’re robots.

  10. 10.

    Josie

    OK – now if I could just see a video of John Cole singing this to Lily, I think I could die happy.

  11. 11.

    MikeJ

    @General Egali Tarian Stuck:
    4.3 days on Pluto until Baseball Opening Day
    0.00031 years on Pluto until Baseball Opening Day
    7982338 million gallons of water will come down the Mississippi before Baseball Opening Day
    Your fingernails will grow 2.75 mm before Baseball Opening Day
    0.0009 years on Uranus until Baseball Opening Day

  14. 14.

    demkat620

    @MikeJ: I’m with you Mike. They play this during pitching changes at the Wilmington Blue Rocks games.

    Good times. Cold beer, a hot dog, warm summer night.

    Good god how soon is opening day? I love baseball.

  16. 16.

    Corner Stone

    @Josie:

    now if I could just see a video of John Cole singing this to Lily, I think I could die

    Or at least keel over and hold your tummy and roll back and forth a bit.

  17. 17.

    Ash Can

    No Cubs on TV today. They were rained out. In Arizona.

    ::kicks wastebasket down hall::

  18. 18.

    Corner Stone

    It doesn’t have the tradition of a lot of parks, but if you want a ballpark with no bad seats, great fans, food and atmosphere – Minute Maid Park in H-Town is a fan-freakin-tastic place to watch a ballgame.

  19. 19.

    harlana peppper

    Just trying to make Tunch jealous after his freak-out today. You’re so transparent, Mr. Cole.

  20. 20.

    Corner Stone

    @Ash Can:

    No Cubs on TV today. They were rained out. In Arizona.

    It’s funny because “rain” in AZ is like “snow/ice” in TX.
    Whenever it happens people freak the F out and have no idea what to do next.
    Mi padre vive sur de Tucson y he laughs at their “monsoon” season.

  21. 21.

    licensed to kill time

    I was watching a Spanish tv station the other day and they had a breathless graphic about “100 days til the World Cup!” Now that’s anticipation.

  22. 22.

    burnspbesq

    Just finished listening to the new John Hiatt album. Very good. His best in years.

  25. 25.

    ellaesther

    Say what you will, but Neil Diamond has a hell of a voice, and as @John O: points out, once upon a time, he could put on a hell of a show (I’ve seen the video proof).

    Good times never felt so good, baby!

  27. 27.

    Max

    I would like to give props to the mad scientist that came up with the mini-avocado. Perfect size for a 1 sandwich, single-person household.

    I wish more food came in single-person scale.

    I will now retire to my couch to watch Jaws, which just started, and possibly fall asleep for a Sunday nap, following the consumption of a turkey, provolone, tomato and mini-avocado on toasted jewish rye wich, chased by a Blue Moon with meyer lemon slice.

  30. 30.

    mr. whipple

    @Max: Mini avocados are the evil genetically engineered spawn of Big Agra, designed to make you buy more avocados than the old, pure, regular size ones.

  32. 32.

    Max

    @mr. whipple: Well, I would like to thank Big Agra because I hate buying the regular size avocado’s and throwing half of it away because avocado’s don’t keep.

    I would like more mini-produce.

  34. 34.

    Mark S.

    I’ve always liked it when Neil Diamond explained the inspiration for this song:

    Thank you. That, of course, “Sweet Caroline”. I wrote that song after a big show at the Forum. Gary and I had been drinking pretty heavily, and we were driving…Yeah, well, we were driving down this dark road, and I hit a kid. So, we got out, and sure enough he was dead. So, we just took off. Pretty fast. And, two hours later, I wrote “Sweet Caroline”.

    That might not have actually happened, but as they say, it has “truthiness.”

  35. 35.

    HRA

    Thanks for the video, John. I enjoyed it.

    Btw, did you transform the song for Lily before or after the Tunch video? Therein may lie the answer to Tunch’s unrest.

  36. 36.

    Martin

    @Max: Oh, for fucks sake, guacamole was invented to address the question of ‘what the fuck do I do with the other half of this avocado?!’. Following the invention of guacamole was the invention of corn chips, corn (realizing we’d need it for the chips), mexicans (to ensure that guacamole had a properly responsible society to preserve it), salsa (variety, natch), and football (duh), in that order, thus completing the avocado circle of life.

  38. 38.

    Robertdsc-iphone

    I can’t wait to see the 27th championship banner raised. One extra thing I’ll carry from the Yanks winning last October is that my mom was watching at home while I watched at work. She called me immediately after the final out. Kinda nice to share that with Mom.

  40. 40.

    Ash Can

    @Max: You mean you don’t eat the whole avocado at once?

    (/chowhound)

    The only avocado I can’t inhale at once is one of those monster Florida things. I eat half for breakfast and the other half for lunch.

  42. 42.

    Linkmeister

    @Ash Can: Since the Cubs were supposed to play the Dodgers, I’ll kick that wastebasket a little further along.

    I’ll also repeat what I said at a Dodgers blog: if there’s a rainout in the Valley of the Sun in March, I have to believe in climate change.

  44. 44.

    John O

    I have an ex-girlfriend’s (with whom I’m in great touch) kid at Cubs Spring Training.

    Amazing young man. Could play full speed running bases at about 5 with a tennis ball, at the same time could catch a ball thrown as high as I could in the air.

    As most of you know, most 5 year olds can’t catch a football tossed lightly from 3 feet.

    Center fielder/pitcher/first baseman with a historically excellent bat.

    Sadly, he’s played in the Frontier League (several records–Jason James) for the past few years, and this is his one and only (most likely) shot. Career .355 and a 40 game hitting streak among them.

    Taught him everything he knows.

  45. 45.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    Never eaten an Avacado. Thought about it, but they look like little green Dinosaur eggs to me.

  46. 46.

    eemom

    YES, Neil Diamond was once a great and talented songwriter, before middle age turned him into a syrupy sap. Had a good voice back then, too.

    Brother Love’s Travelin Salvation Show
    Solitary Man
    Holly Holy
    I Am I Said
    Soolaimon
    Cracklin Rosie
    Brooklyn Roads

    good stuff.

  47. 47.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    And I will add that I am happy they caught the former American idiot Gahdan, or whatever he’s called. But it makes me sad to be an American and reading wingnuts calling for him to be strung up in the village square, immediately after some righteous neocon torture. I share this country with ignorant bloodthirsty sadists.

  50. 50.

    Something Fabulous

    Paws…. touching PAWS… reaching out… touch-ing TUUUUUUUNCH!

    (ps: dig the trousers. Wrrrwr.)

  52. 52.

    Martin

    @mr. whipple: Yet more evidence that Barry is working with Muslim governments to overthrow the U.S., one American at a time (starting in Pakistan).

  53. 53.

    Anne Laurie

    @General Egali Tarian Stuck:

    Never eaten an Avacado. Thought about it, but they look like little green Dinosaur eggs to me.

    Factoids which may or may not change your mind: Avocados probably evolved as ground sloth fodder. Once the ground sloths left with Elvis, the trees may have been kept alive by jaguars eating the oil-rich fruit and ‘dispersing’ the giant seeds until us humans got clued enuf to take over the job.

  54. 54.

    demo woman

    @mr. whipple: The Americans have not confirmed Gadahn yet. Most organizations are saying that two Pakistan agents have confirmed but not the Pakistan intelligence minister yet. The article you linked to is another catch. It’s been a busy week.

    Must credit George Bush and this is good news for McCain.

  56. 56.

    demimondian

    @demo woman: No, it looks like this is a clarification report. There’s an explicit disclaimer of the previous report.

    They could both have been captured, but I rather suspect that this is a different one.

  58. 58.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    @mr. whipple:

    Could we, at long last, get OBL?

    That could make El Presidente Obama for life. Viva la Barry!!

    wingnuts would spin themselves into orbit

    the realm would be saved.

  60. 60.

    demo woman

    @demimondian: True.. somehow it will be sorted out. Earlier I had read that the top Pakistani Taliban leader was killed on Friday. That is also unconfirmed awaiting identification. That group protects al qaeda so the safe houses of the qaeda could be coming to an end. Link

  61. 61.

    Svensker

    @Ash Can:

    @Max: You mean you don’t eat the whole avocado at once?

    Gark. Yikes.

    Half in the morning, mashed onto some very crisp toast, with lime, lotsa salt and pepper, consumed with very hot cafe con leche. If I’m feeling flush and thin, topped with some crisp bacon.

    Then the argument is — eat the other half for lunch with lime and salt, or with salsa, or sliced into a salad with blue cheese, or in a sandwich with chicken and tomato… how can you decide?

    When I lived in L.A., one of my neighbors would bring me BAGS full when his trees were ripe. All the guacamole I could eat and still never got enough.

    Avocados may be the best single green thing in the world to eat.

  63. 63.

    Martin

    @General Egali Tarian Stuck: Um, no. Capturing OBL would only prove that Obama is a terrorist sympathizer. After all, who else is likely to be able to find OBL but a fellow member of Al Qaeda. And what would be the point of capturing OBL except to prove that you are not, in fact, a terrorist, thereby proving that you are, in fact, a terrorist.

    Wake up sheeple!

  64. 64.

    Irony Abounds

    @eemom:

    Actually, since he came out with Tennessee Moon in 1996, Neil’s been pretty good in his old age. His last two albums, produced by Rick Rubin, have garnered pretty good reviews, even from those who thought Neil was anti-hip. Even his voice has improved in the last few years since he quit smoking and started doing vocal exercises (he really sounded pretty bad in the early 90’s).

    Btw, for someone less than a year from hitting 70, he stills gives great performances in excess of 2 hours with high energy. When you think of some of the crap that passes for music these days, Neil sounds just fine to me.

  65. 65.

    demo woman

    @Martin: When OBL is captured it will happen because of the tools that the previous president put in place…
    Good news for McCain.

  66. 66.

    Corner Stone

    @Svensker:

    When I lived in L.A., one of my neighbors would bring me BAGS full when his trees were ripe. All the guacamole I could eat and still never got enough.

    I have yet to plumb the depths of what I could use that many avocados to do.
    They just make so many simple meals wicked good.
    sandwhich – check
    tortilla soup – check
    BBQ – check (anyone who’s never had BBQ, a slice of cheddar and a fresh avocado is missing out)
    salad – check

    I could go on.

  67. 67.

    Linkmeister

    @Svensker: My neighbor has a huge avocado tree, and he doesn’t like ’em much. We get lots.

    Easy salad:

    Slice an avocado.
    Slice a red onion.
    Slice a tomato.
    Drizzle with olive oil.
    Season with salt and pepper.
    Nosh.

  68. 68.

    Carrie

    Oh man…..when i was little my older brother used to sing that song to me in a mocking tone and i would just start bawling.
    Lately i would give pretty much anything to have him around to mock me some more.

  70. 70.

    Yutsano

    @jeffreyw: Awww he’s a cutie! When I was growing up some neighbors had de-scented skunks as pets (you can’t legally own them otherwise) and they were fun curious little critters.

    And I haz a sad that you no haz cilantro gene. I make a fantastic hummus with cilantro and lime.

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